When did things go so far south that I’ve come to lose who I am? I used to look forward to so many things, but now its like I’ve lost meaning in life.. Living just to pass the time. I remember wanting to waking and wanting to find purpose in this world. Like am I really this depressed? I want think of suicide like every night.. but i know it’d hurt my family. I’m not stupid enough to even try to do that to them. But I feel like I let them down, they gave me everything.. I had every advantage in life that they didn’t.. But I didn’t take advantage of it but instead threw it all away and fucked everything up. its so stressful every day. I can’t even find the motivation to wake up each day.. but my life is not stressful at all. I have food and money and a roof over my head. I know my life is better than so many others.. I don’t show that I am depressed. I try my best to act strong to others but each day just gets harder and harder. I know I’m a better person than the people I see becoming successful but are really quite selfish. I take care of my friends. I try my best to be someone loyal and help them out as much as possible. I care more for them than I do myself to be honest. I wonder if thats a bad thing..
I just want one person for me to be able to tell how I really feel inside.. but won’t that just push them away?