No Man's Journal

Galactic Travel Log

[nomanscollective]

*Star Date: 01.13.00   Entry: 006*

*Com Recorder Activated*

-Heavy Breathing- “Is it still chasing us!?”

*Negative*

-Laser Discharge- “I thought you said it wasn’t chasing us!”

*Affirmative, the sentinel is chasing you, not us Hank*

“OHHH! Now it’s a one man show Archie!? REALLY!?” -Laser Discharge- “Why is this thing even after us?”

*Planetary Ecosystem Disruption Detected*

“Planetary what? You mean that tree I burned down!? It was one tree! How else was I supposed to make warp cells? Maybe I can outrun it!”

*Overestimation Of Athletic Ability Detected*

“How about this -Laser Discharge- Archie! How about you help me come up with a plan!?”

*Plan Available*

“Great What is it?”

*Phase 1: Begin Recording Farewells*

-Laser Discharge-

*Shields Down*

“Archie not now, Please! I need your Help!”

*Phase 2: Learn From Your Mistakes*

-Laser Discharge-

*Phase 3: Do Better Next Time*

“There is no next time Archie! I’m not some random starship AI! I’m flesh and blood and if you don’t help me you’ll just go back to be an abandoned ship on an unknown planet! ARCHIE THIS IS LIFE OR” -Laser Discharge- “……..”

*Plan Complete*

*Com Recorder Deactivated*

[xakkd-blog]

*Star Date: 01.08.00   Entry: 005*

*Com Recorder Activated*

“After spending a few days on the local space station and overcoming the struggle that is getting information out of Archie, I’ve finally decided on a plan-”

*Grammatical Error Detected*

“OH JESOFREAKIN PETE! WHAT IS IT NOW ARCHIE!?”

*Use of the personal pronoun “I” instead of “We” Detected*

“WE don’t make decisions Archie! I make Decisions!”

*Take Off Sequence Initiated*

“Why is the ship taking off!? I’m not even in it!”

*Alien Space Magic Detected*

“Alien Space Magic!? Is that even a thing?”

*You are the only entity here capable of making a decision. If you did not authorize a launch command then that can mean only one thing Hank. Alien Space Magic.*

“Ah, I see what you did there. Fine! WE decided on a planet to explore.

*Take Off Sequence Terminated*

“Both the gravity and the atmosphere are hospitable. The combination of the stable atmo and lush Flora has given rise to various species of animal. Some of them are very unsettling to the eye but none display predatory behaviors. Large mineral deposits also detected. I don’t remember much before the crash but I’m positive I’ve never seen a view this beautiful before”

*Criteria For Permanent Settlement Met*

“We Can’t stay here Archie. I wish we could.”

*Please Rationalize Decision*

“I can’t explain it Archie. I feel compelled to leave here, to leave this star system entirely. It’s like there’s something drawing me to it. I could try to resist it but I’m sure it would overwhelm me.”

*Alien Space Magic Detected*

“Stop it Archie, I’m not joking!”

*Neither am I Hank.*

*Com Recorder Deactivated*

[xakkd-blog]

*Star Date: 01.05.00   Entry: 004*

*Com Recorder Activated*

“It’s been four days since my last entry. I’ve managed to acquire fuel for the warp reactor. The ship’s computer assur...”

*I have a name Hank.*

“Yea me too and it’s not Hank! *Sigh* Halivard Archibald Levendersky assures me that the warp core is stable and will not vaporize us or any nearby planets upon activation. Halivar.... I’m calling you Archie. Archie activate the warp drive”

*Warp Drive Activated*

“OH MY GOD THE COLORS!”

*I’m only detecting the color yellow. Please check your vision systems Hank*

“Sometimes I wish you had a mouth Archie, so I could hold a pillow over it for a prolonged period of time. Pull us out of warp.”

*Warp Drive Deactivated*

“There’s so many planets! Where did we come out?”

*System Designation: Maezakinokakyot*

“Maezakinowho? What the hell kind of delusional psycho picks a name like that?”

*I chose that name Hank*

“Of course you did.”

*Com Recorder Deactivated*

[nomanscollective]

*Star Date: 01.01.00  Entry: 003*

*Com Recorder Activated*

“Does this thing even work?”

*Com Systems Fully Functional*

“Great,this ship’s not just old it’s also a smart ass.”

*New Ship Name Designation “Smart Ass” Accepted*

“No, That’s not what I meant… forget it… I’ll edit this out later.”

“I still have no idea what the actual star date is so I’ve just set it to 0. The previous ships computer’s were beyond repair. I was able to fly to a nearby planet before they crapped out. Luckily I found this ship abandoned near my landing site. I’ve been sifting through it’s data logs all day and it appears I’m located in the Euclid Galaxy. Still no Idea how or why I am here but you know what they say. “Have ship will travel!”

*No one says that Hank.*

“WHO THE HELL IS HANK!?”

*Ship Pilot Designation: Hank*

“I don’t know who Hank is but that’s definitely not my name!”

*Ok Hank.*

[nomanscollective]

Star Date: Unknown

Entry: 001

“I spent all night in the cave gathering materials to start working on the ship this morning. I planned on getting a bit of sleep just before sunrise. Then I realized I don’t know when the sun comes up. I slept through sunrise so all I can say for sure is that the sun does come up.”

“The planet I’ve crashed on has roughly the same gravity as what my muscles are used to which is nice. It’s atmosphere also contains roughly the same amount of radiation as a capital class fusion engine… Not so Nice. The vegetation is very interesting, and also extremely dangerous. I can hear animals in the distance but none have been bold enough to come near the crash site.”

“The ship is mostly put back together at this point. I’ll wait till tomorrow to run a systems check. I haven’t really had much time to consider everything that has happened but maybe my ships computers will contain some helpful information. For now I’ve decided to nap in the cave. Something about being surrounded by motes of aerosolized plutonium helps clear my mind…”

Entry: End

[nomanscollective]

Star Date: Unknown

Entry: 000

“If you find this I’m dead. If the handwriting is hard to read I apologize. I haven’t written by hand since primary school.”

“On second thought I’m not sorry! I’m a corpse on an unknown planet, in an unknown star system, for an unknown reason! You should be sorry you didn’t find me sooner!”

“Apology accepted.”

“Sit-Rep: I’ve crashed my ship on the surface of what appears to be a radioactive planet. More accurately my ship crashed itself. No hostile lifeforms observed, scanners went down with the ship. I’ve located a cave I maybe able to scavenge for resources. At the very least it’ll make good shelter for the night or an extremely well decorated coffin if it comes to that.”

Entry: End

P.S. “Why am I writing the Com text in?”