Walking the halls he's walked a number of times before, Xavier felt a certain uneasiness sliver through his body as he approached the door to his "room" in the mansion. The island was the same, the way it had always been, and his day had been the same as well. Wake up, go to class, eat, sleep, spend some time with Carmen, catch up on school work, and go back to sleep. It was monotonous sure, but for the past few months Xavier didn't mind the sudden monotony of his life. He never minded anything really, he just let it all slip through his fingers. His two main focuses were getting himself that engineering degree and staying with Carmen so, the rest didn't matter much. Besides, the rest of the world, or at least on the island, had fallen completely quiet. A number of the other islanders had cast themselves into their own private worlds, Xavier and Carmen inclusive. It didn't really "hit" the man until now, that everything around him had changed and the liveliness that this place once hold was replaced with emptiness. Perhaps that's where his uneasiness derived from, but again, keeping his calm disposition, he didn't mind that.
Approaching the door with the golden 8 numbering on it, Xavier pulled out his keys and unlocked the door to the place he'd considered a sanctuary for months. But just as the halls of the mansion gave him an eerie vibe, his room did the same. It was as if Xavier were walking into it for the first time and he wasn't sure how to respond to it. This, he couldn't ignore. His place on the island had changed a number of times. He went from the "new guy", to probably one of the most recognized and friendliest faces around. Other than probably Finn Hudson, of course. And though it wasn't his intention, Xavier managed to separate himself from other people on the island, and there were still a number of people he had never met. His place around here was ever-changing, but other than his relationship, the young man always felt most stable when he was in the sanctuary of the bedroom he'd been assigned to. The quiet of his room, mixed with his relaxation and whatever music he was listening to. He could do whatever he pleased in this small space he considered his own, and was always comfortable in it though he hadn't spent much time in it. As he stood in that same room, Xavier was met with the uneasiness as his eyes surveyed the room. It hadn't looked "lived in" and it was terribly cold. But again, he shrugged it off, closing the door behind him and placing his keys on an end table not far from the door.
Walking through his "living room," Xavier didn't know exactly what to do in the small space anymore. It was odd to be in here again and even harder to believe that he'd slept in this same area hours ago. After the past few months, Xavier had finally woken up and looked around him. "Smelled the roses," as his mom would always say. The thought of the eccentric woman that he called his mother made the man smile. Without even trying, his mother was always a glowing and soulful image in his mind. He had a fondness of her that he couldn't put into words or describe to anyone else and was grateful to have someone like her. All the times he had gotten into trouble, or gotten his twin brother into trouble, or felt like the world was against, his mother was there. She was powerful and delicate all the same, and as weird as she wanted to be. It was her, who in a sense, pushed Xavier to come to the island though she was wary of it at first. "There's this island, somewhere in the Caribbean. Far, but their academics program is dope ma. Isaiah even wants to go. I mean it's far and it'll be terrible without me here, I know. But I promise to skype and to visit when I can and even graduate early so I can come back home. I won't have too much fun and won't get distracted by girls, and if Isaiah comes, I'll take care of him too. I just have to get out of Atlanta like, once." The monologue was fresh in his mind, since Xavier had prepared it for weeks before actually relaying any of it to his mother. He'd always done well in school, and college in Atlanta wasn't bad, Xavier was practically the top of his class already. There's no way he'd ever convince her to leave. But when his speech had been delivered and Fiona Wall had overcome shock, hurt, and fear, she agreed to it. "Whatever your heart desires baby," she smiled at him, she even helped him pack.
Now, parts of his promises hadn't been kept. But between school and a stable relationship to keep up with, could anyone really blame the twenty-three year old? His intentions were to get out early and have some fun here and there, but things changed along the way. And his major seemed to get harder the closer Xavier got to graduation. School was always so easy until now. What made him want to be an engineer anyway? He thought to himself, moving to the other end of the living and finding the thermostat. It must have been broken considering just how cold it was in this room. Taking off the cover of it, Xavier examined the inside of the heat control system and turned knobs this way and that way. It was simple, and he'd done it more than enough times before. Especially when he was younger, and the heat or AC got cut off because there wasn't enough money for the bill. Once it seemed to be working again, and Xavier heard the familiar click of the heater turning on again, he smiled to himself and put the cover of the thermostat back in its place. Engineering wasn't a bad major, it taught him how to use his mind and handiness to basically cheat the simplest of things. Like filling a home with heat, fixing a car, a computer, or producing a song in a studio. Even when he was young, Xavier had dreamed of a job like the one he pursued now. It wasn't exactly his dream at first, as he'd stolen it from Dwayne Wayne from "A Different World." The man laughed at his younger self. Only 6 year old Xavier would see the main male character, with his lean, easy going demeanor and envy his intelligence and rather serious profession.
Though they were few, the number of struggles that Xavier had faced while on this island had worn him down a bit. He'd missed home, dearly. Or at least the past days of Atlanta. The island had given him more than anything Xavier could ever want, but Atlanta was different. It had this crazy vibe that Xavier both hated and loved. Back in high school, it didn't seem like much to him anymore. He'd moved there when he was close to the age of 8 and had gone from a kid being raised in the heart of New York to Atlanta, in the center of Georgia. It was a weird change, but he adapted quickly, making new friends and sticking close to his family. And by the end of high school, Xavier had no idea what to do with himself. Never one to complain, he settled for a life that he didn't really want. That included friends, girls, and his education. It wasn't until he found out about the island, had all of that completely changed.
Though grateful for his upbringing, Xavier had to change a number of things in his life and he was even happier that the island had helped him do such a thing. His nostalgia had completely taken over his thoughts as he stood in the silence of his room. Looking around the room, he tried to remember what exactly it was that he came in here for and his eyes did the best to avert the boxes in the corner of the living room. They were stacked on top of one another, waiting to be hauled out of the room and shipped elsewhere. It was sort of odd to know that it'd be time to leave a place he considered home for more than five months. So instead of focusing on his departure, Xavier moved over to the sofa and took a seat. The sofa and a few other basics, were the only thing left unpacked in this room. It was still cold and Xavier sighed, knowing that there was only one thing that could heat up the room. Or one person rather.
Without Carmen, a number of aspects in Xavier's life were aimless. She did simple things that managed to fulfill him and he loved that about her more than anything. It was odd to think of, the fact that he might "love" Carmen without ever admitting such a thing to the girl. He didn't want his thoughts to divulge him deeper into that topic once again however, so Xavier stood from his seat and figured it was best to busy himself or at least fill the room with some music. He didn't trust his iPod for avoiding any love songs or filling him with distracting music, so he moved over to the stereo and pressed the power button. The FM radio came alive, mid-song and the man hoped that the current station wouldn't betray him. Now that the room filled with heavy bass and beats of hardcore rap music, Xavier could exhale deeply without letting his thoughts take over him. As far as busying himself went, the man was completely at a loss. His eyes moved over once again to the boxes in the corner and carefully, he pulled the last one out, unfolded it, and placed it in the center of the living room. It was a solemn feeling, but Xavier assumed that it was time to close the "island" chapter of his life.
School in Atlanta would be difficult again, the programs there being almost completely different from the education program here. He'd miss the serenity of the island itself, it's calm nature, and waking up to the melodies of the waves in the morning. All of that to be replaced with shouting in the streets, crime, and an entirely fast-paced lifestyle that Xavier would once again have to grow accustomed to. He tried to ignore everything that was coming at him- the realization that he was leaving the island and the bittersweet feeling of going "home again." Instead, the man kept his attention on getting the rest of the things in his living room packed safely. The room being the last thing to pack before his presence on the island vanished completely. Xavier probably wouldn't even be doing any of this if she were here, with him. Her petite body close to his, her smile bright and wide as her soft pink lips inched towards his own. His name slipping from her lips as her body glistened red under his. Both of them deep in a need to be with one another and both unsatisfied that they couldn't seem to grow any closer. Carmen was the one thing that effortlessly made Xavier's days on this island seem far too short, as if there was never enough time in the day to spend with her. To laze in bed, lying next to her and playing with her fingers. Being "them" on the beach, or risking getting caught doing a number of mature activities nearly everywhere we went. He missed that warmth of her now and hoped that she'd come back soon, helping him escape once again from the reality of the world and into a bliss that he could only describe as love.
Of course, things without the island would be different but Xavier had to see it as a good thing. In a sense, that chapter in his life had already closed a month or two ago. Packing and leaving was only solidifying it of course. It was a bittersweet feeling, to be leaving but it had to be done seeing as leaving was long overdue. The man only hoped that Carmen would go with him. It was a likely concept, but he hadn't spoken the three words just about everyone in this world longs to hear one way or another. He hadn't said them to anyone else, he hadn't spoken them loud enough for her to hear though Xavier had let the words escape his lips many times. Whenever he got the courage to even think of telling her, his instant reaction was that he didn't need to say it. The words would be displayed soundlessly in his actions. He'd hold her hand and the words would whisper in the connect of their finger tips. He'd play with her hair as she rest against him, or trace the skin of her body, and they'd pierce her skin, flowing into her blood and straight into her soul. He'd kiss her forehead or all over her cheeks and the three words would slip into the smiles or laughter that followed as a reaction to all of his actions. The words were in his looks as well. When he wanted her, needed her, missed her or was simply happy to see her, the words manifested themselves into his eyes, as they met with her own. Was it still a necessity to say the words now? Maybe so. But Xavier was always left feeling like speaking them to Carmen directly would leave his actions and looks unjustified.
But the truth of the matter was, Xavier loved Carmen with everything in him. Simple as that. There was no better way to explain it, and if he could put it in a letter, song, photo, there'd be nothing like it because the love he had for Carmen was different from the generic brand. This love, was genuine and nothing like any other "love" he'd ever experienced. So many times he'd insincerely told girl after girl that he loved her, or that he'd be hers forever. But this, he meant, and all of that blossomed here on this island and even a few feet away in his bedroom. It'd be harder than anything to leave that, but it was exactly what Xavier needed. But he couldn't leave without her. He couldn't bring it himself to do anything without her. And if the man did manage to do something without the Latina at his side, he found himself missing her and needing her there more than anyone else. Carmen was without a doubt the light of his life, so the last thing he would do was pack up his things and leave her behind. Almost as if on cue, "Do You", was the next song on the radio to snap Xavier out of his thoughts. Time had passed as the day was starting to wind down and without realizing it, Xavier had nearly packed everything in the living room already. Sighing, he stood to the stereo again and though his intention was to switch to another station, he returned to his favorite spot on the sofa and let the melody of the song fill the room. His mind drifting to center on Carmen, completely.
It took a matter of a week, or maybe even a day for him to realize he wanted to be more than just a friend with the brunette. She was new to the island for a while, but Xavier always loathed at the fact that when she first arrived, he couldn't claim the girl all to himself. He didn't let it bother him long however, the man occupied himself with other women, and went back to thinking about school. But naturally, he always had that pull to Carmen. Then, Xavier even spoke of it with his closest friend, Elijah- who even then was no help whatsoever. "So you feelin' her, like feelin' her? I mean that's a coooooold flame there fam." Xavier shook his head, but the words got to him and he cast Carmen to the side once more. It was like he was 10 years old and they were back in grade school or something. He was always kind to her, but he didn't put her on the same level as other girls or other things. She was his "lonely star" or "one day of the week girl", a "side-chick," everything but his. Only to help the man cope with the fact that he was unsure of how to go about making her the opposite of such things. And it took a number of days before the man's birthday to make all of it true. Sure, things were shaky at first. They were such an unexpected couple on the island and Xavier still remained the phlegmatic man people mistook him for. But again and again, with each day, Carmen changed more about the man that he didn't even expect her to. And he welcomed those changes because he respected, admired, loved, and appreciated her more than anyone else in his life.
"Do you still believe in love?" She'd been hurt before, he learned that a while ago when they were on their flight to Vegas. Xavier wasn't sure of all the details, but it wasn't difficult to put all of the missing pieces together. How another man could have broken such a beautiful creature still astonished Xavier. But that was the past, and Xavier since learning about her previous relationships, was determined to bring Carmen into his present and his future. "You and me tonight...." Standing from his spot on the sofa, Xavier walked to the stereo and turned it off finally. Cutting Miguel's voice off completely and throwing the man into silence once more. It was warm again, but that probably had nothing to do with the heater finally working. His keys, still rested on the end table next to the door but Xavier left them there. With all of his things packed and ready to leave, he wouldn't need the keys to the eighth room on the first floor of the mansion anymore.
When he left his room, it had been seconds before Xavier found himself back near Carmen's room or in Carmen's room rather. She was probably in bed, steadfast asleep, her body and mind unwinding as the day slowly drew to its close and impatiently waiting for the return of her love. Again, the man was unsure if his love was around but he had a feeling she was. The same warmth he wished had been in his room was ever-present in Carmen's place now. Taking off his shoes, and getting himself comfortable, Xavier took another deep breath and walked into Carmen's room, his eyes and smile widening when he saw the love of his life rested quietly in her bed. Ironically enough, the music that she rested to was similar to the music that filled Xavier's room mere moments ago. She probably had no idea what he was planning to do, or that he was hoping to leave soon, but the Latina had to be sure that wherever he was going, she'd right there with him. Because she loved him just as much as he loved her, without even saying it, simple as that.
Slipping behind his love and into bed, Xavier wrapped his arms around her petite frame and kissed the back of her neck softly, before his lips trailed to her neck and she reacted warmly to him. Her body moved closer to his, and when her skin rested against his, the same goosebumps that always formed on the man, manifested on Xavier once again. He took a deep breath, inhaling her scent and her presence, feeling the warmth of it as he held her. And when he exhaled, he finally spoke the three words he'd been meaning to say for the four months they'd been together. Not in the same, inaudible, quiet manner that he'd been rehearsing them in. They were no longer in his looks or in his actions, they were finally out of him. "I love you Carmen," he repeated again, adding her name in the most affectionate way he knew how.
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