Courage

[xfortescues]

S I R I U S   B L A C K :

Sirius had been trying to avoid her, in all honesty, which wasn’t something he was particularly known for. He usually charged in head first, went after anything and everything that he felt passionate about, but he knew a lot of people that were still on good terms with Alice, although he couldn’t for the life of him understand why. Still, he didn’t want to make his life any harder than it had to be, and he had managed well so far. So when she not only popped up at the bar, but started speaking to him, he had to wonder what exactly he had done for his karma to come back around and bite him in such a way.

His fingers tightened around his glass, knuckles turning white. He sighed and drained the rest of his drink before turning to face her, trying to keep his expression blank. It was more difficult than he imagined, when he met her gaze. They had been close, once, and he thought that might be why it hurt so much now. Still, it wasn’t anything he wasn’t used to. “No, thanks.” He replied icily, swallowing heavily. “I don’t want anything from you. Plus, I don’t really feel like having to check for poisons.”

Even though she had already suspected that this was more or less how their interaction would go, the reaction that she got still stung. Of course she couldn’t really blame him, not when her actions read like the ultimate betrayal of The Order, of the morals and ideals that she had always clung to. But even though his words were no more harsh than the ones she’d already imagined being aimed her way, she still found herself wavering slightly when the witches and wizards that she’d met through The Order were far more like family to her than the vast majority of people who shared her surname.

She wanted nothing more than to be honest. To tell him that all of this was nothing more than an elaborate ploy. A shot in the dark that she might find something to help their cause. But the sacrifices she’d made, the distance she’d put between herself and those she cared about, would have been for nothing if she did. So instead she just lifted her chin slightly, cool words slipping from her lips. “If I was going to poison you, Sirius, it certainly wouldn’t be here.” 

[xfortescues]

A N D R O M E D A   B L A C K :

Making her way back to the tent, Andromeda grabbed a bottle of water before throwing herself down on the nearest chair. The game had been a breeze – there were no injuries and therefore nothing to really do but watch the game, and for that she was thankful. It was always a delicate balance for her; on one hand, she enjoyed having a demanding job that occupied her mind and time. As exhausting as it was, she enjoyed being kept busy and productive. On the other hand, a busy day at work meant an increased number of illnesses and injuries, the very thing she worked to eliminate. Tonight, though – having the game was nice; she didn’t have to worry about keeping her mind busy while her hands weren’t moving.

At a familiar voice, her head raised as she immediately smiled at the sight. There was only one other Healer back so far, and her eyes immediately sought them out just to make sure. “Do you mind?” Receiving a shake of the head in response, Andromeda shot them a grateful smile before getting up to join Alice. “All right, looks like I’m officially yours for the night then.”

A small sigh of relief slipped from her lips as the other Healer didn’t put up a fight for Andromeda sticking around. In general she wasn’t quite so demanding of her friend’s time, always too independent to think about bothering others. But keeping secrets was exhausting and all she wanted to do was talk to someone who knew the truth about her supposed new allegiance. Not for the first time she had found herself questioning her decision, wondering if it was all really worth it when she had had to walk past countless friends from The Order. But she was grateful for Andromeda’s support and even more grateful to the coworker who had given her the go ahead to finish up. Smile was flashed their way. “Thank you.” 

Small almost sheepish smile was sent the brunette’s way when she knew that her appearance was somewhat unexpected. “Sorry for barging in unannounced, I just -” There was too much to say and she’d never been one to unburden herself freely or easily. So instead she simply shrugged and let another truth slip from her lips. “It felt like it had been too long. How are you?”

[xfortescues]

E V A N    R O S I E R :

Where: Rosier Manor Who: Evan & @xfortescues​

Family gatherings were always the worst. Evan was good at putting on an act, but pretending for hours was always exhausting and he wanted out. It didn’t make it any better that the Fortescue’s were one of the many families that the Rosier’s had invited over, which meant he had to spend a horribly awkward dinner with Alice while hearing his mother whine about how much of an adorable couple they would have made. Marriage and children never interested Evan, and the thought of those things with Alice? Weird and unwanted. Evan stayed after dinner, if not for anything other than to make his mother happy, but he was far too sober to handle the amount of people in his home. The unfortunate thing about being of such an important family was that he needed to keep up a certain look and reputation, being a sloppy drunk at a dinner party definitely wouldn’t slide with his parents, but that didn’t mean it was going to stop him.

There was a moment in which no one was speaking to him, a perfect opportunity to sneak away. Grabbing a full bottle of wine as he walked past the bar, Evan left the dinner party behind him in the lounge as he quickly made his way through the manor to the study. He would be safe in there for awhile, he wasn’t doing much to contribute to conversations, so he was sure he had some time. Entering the study, Evan closed the doors behind him and let out a soft sigh of relief as he looked around the room, but he raised an eyebrow as he noticed Alice sitting on the sofa all by herself. “Alice.” He greeted her simply, “I see you’ve found my hiding spot.” He took a few steps towards her, considering asking her to leave. But the two of them never spent time together anymore, and as much as he hated to admit it, he really missed her. “You can stay, as long as you promise me you won’t ask me any questions about when I’m getting married. Because the answer is never. Probably.” Evan walked over to the armchair next to where Alice was sitting and made himself comfortable. “I brought wine. I wasn’t expecting to share but I suppose since you’re already here you can have some.”

She had thought that the study would be safe enough, everyone too caught up in their self serving conversations to even notice she was missing. A few minutes of peace were had before a familiar face entered. “Evan” His name was echoed back to him, the way that a sibling would, unable to stop herself from mimicking him playfully the way that they had done years ago. After their run in at The World Cup, the nostalgia probably shouldn’t have taken her by surprise as much and yet she was still struck by that pang in her chest. Perhaps it was because Evan had always felt far more like her brother than the man who shared her blood. Their bond far closer than what she shared with the two people who shared her surname. It would be easy to lose herself in the memories and allow them to be as close as they once were but in truth she knew all this was only temporary. Losing him twice seemed like too much pain to inflict on herself. But before she can help herself, more teasing words are leaving her lips.  “Maybe you should work on that ‘hiding’ part.” 

Huff of laughter slips from her lips at the mention of marriage and without thinking she crosses her heart to emphasise the words that are leaving her lips. “Promise. But only if the same goes for you.” It shouldn’t have come as such a surprise really, their parents ( well, their mothers )  had always been keen on a match between the two of them and now that she was back in the fold and jobless, she found herself running out of excuses. “How generous of you.” Wry smile had settled onto her lips as she reached out for the bottle. She’d never been much of a drinker but nights like these were easily when she was most tempted. Soft sigh slipped from her lips, head shaking slightly as she breathes out a confession. “I forgot how tiring these things were.” It was maybe her allowing too much closeness between them but if anyone understood just how difficult nights like these were, it was Evan. And in that moment her need for solidarity won out.

[xfortescues]

There had never been a real closeness between herself or her siblings, the two of them always favouring their mother in everything they did. Their eyes always focused on reaching the top, no matter what the cost. The idea that they were better simple because their mother had told them so woven through them. She had always been far more like her father, reflective and watchful, though she did differ from him in the way that she was at least willing to act. But for all she held no strong love for her siblings, she thought at the very least she could attend an engagement party without too much protest. If nothing else it would held cement her new facade, show that she was willing to immerse herself in Pureblood society once more.

It was a decision that she had begun to regret almost as soon as she had arrived. But she regretted allowing her mother to choose her outfit even more. As if she wasn’t already uncomfortable enough the idea of making small talk with people who held views that went against everything she believed in was one that made her nauseous. But it was the role she had decided to take, the bed she had made for herself and so she would grin and bear it. Even if she was beginning to feel like a shadow of herself with every second that ticked by. 

As she headed for the bar, she was somewhat relieved to spot a friendlier face. Their conversation at the World Cup had been bearable and it looked as though they were both enjoying it as much as each other. Small smirk danced over her lips as she approached the other brunette, voice low and tone filled with dryness as she spoke. “I take it you’re just as thrilled to be here as I am.”

@genfawley​

[xfortescues]

She had often found that there was a vulnerability that came with drinking, the way that the alcohol seemed to dull senses and loosen inhibitions. For some that might have been a release, a way to escape the world, but she had always found it somewhat unsettling. Especially at times like these when she felt as though there was a constant need to look over her shoulder and she couldn’t afford a single misstep in what she said or did. The slightest indication that her loyalties to The Order hadn’t been entirely severed would undoubtedly not bode well for her.

But despite her feelings on it, having a glass of whisky at home would hardly get her far when she was supposed to be meeting people. Gathering some sort of information. So she’d headed to The Leaky Cauldron, ordering herself a glass of butterbeer before moving to a table. As she drank her pint, gaze had been flickering over the other customer and she inevitably ended up passing the time with a middle aged wizard. The conversation had been far from riveting but it had been consuming enough that she had missed a familiar face also being present, only catching sight of them as she went to get another drink. Steps halted and she ended up hovering when she knew she was likely to be far from Sirius’ favourite person at that moment in time. Still, she tried for civility, head tilting to the bar as she spoke. “Can I get you one too?”

@sirivsblack​

[giarosmerta]

[xfortescues]

giarosmerta‌:

@xfortescues

[xfortescues]

F R A N K   L O N G B O T T O M :

Frank hadn’t even hesitated when Alice suggested that they continue to spend some time together after the match. Now that he didn’t get to see her every day because of work, her absence was a notable void in his life … even if they always found time to spend time together most every day, anyhow. However, no amount of time was ever enough in Frank’s opinion, but that was a truth that was neither here nor there. Even if he had thought about telling her how he felt all the more now that everything they had both worked for had gone up in flames, the fact of the matter was that Alice had always meant the world to him, and if he was able to keep her in his life by drinking and commiserating he would take it.

The man didn’t say anything as Alice attempted to tidy up, gently rolling his eyes with a charmed smile; her place was far tidier than his and he’d been to her flat a thousand times, but she still wanted to clean up. “It was, though half of it was a blur – that sugar rush from the butterbeer and cauldron cakes really got to me.” Following her into her place he saw as she glanced down at the badge, knowing exactly how she must be feeling; he wasn’t surprised when she suggested something stronger. “How about tea with a little something stronger mixed in?” He compromised, his smile softening as he made himself at home, leaning against a counter in her kitchen like he had a hundred times before. He watched her for a moment, arms crossed in front of him before he piped up again. “… How have you been doing, by the way? Since what happened. We haven’t really talked about it.”

The match had been enjoyable enough but she knew that it was the company that she had enjoyed most. It was so rare that they got to enjoy a moment like that untinged by any traces of the war that had been waging around them for so long. She wanted to cling to that buzz for as long as possible. “Can’t handle your sugar now?” Playful tut clicked from her lips before she grinned at his reply. “I like the way you think, Longbottom.” With a wave of her wand she puts the water on to boil and summons some whisky, only for her smile to fade slightly when he speaks once more. Frown creases her brow at his question and she stills while she considers it. It’s far from an easy answer to give him but a small amount of honesty still flows from her lips to buy herself that little bit more time. “I don’t know really.”

For a long moment she’s quiet, wanting to give him some sort of answer when she’d never kept anything from him before. But the difference this time is that it’s painful, something she’d been trying to bury. “I haven’t talked about it with anyone - I’m not sure I know how?” Only because how could she possibly put into words how much it ached to no longer have her job. To have everything she’d worked so hard for and everything she stood for taken away in one fell swoop. She’d kept her emotions bottled up about it, knowing she’d need to if she was to be the least bit convincing in her latest act. But there was no longer a need to keep silent when she was with Frank, she knew she could tell him anything. If there was anyone who would be able to understand and fill in the blanks it was him. “It was everything. And now it’s just not there. I’m not sure I know what to do without it.”

[franklongbttms-deactivated20200]

[xfortescues]

franklongbttms‌:

moodboard: ft. alice fortescue ( @xfortescues )

[xfortescues]

London was far too much of a hotspot for her to do anything discretely and having Order members over to her home seemed as though it was far too much of a risk for anyone she invited. She knew many of them would take the risk but it wasn’t a position she was prepared to put anyone in if it could be avoided. But she still needed to be kept in the loop somehow and Caradoc had been a perfect choice for it. She just needed to find the perfect location for him to get her all caught up to speed.

With London out of the question, she’d settled on somewhere more rural, finally deciding on a tiny Welsh village pub. She’d arrived early, apparating into a field under darkness and walking down the road to enter. Dressed in the most Muggle-like clothes she could find, she settled herself onto a table and waited for her companion to arrive. When he eventually did, right on time, lips quirked up slightly. “Nice of you to show up.” Words were light when she knew she’d only been kept waiting because she’d chosen to be. “I’ve ordered some drinks already so I hope the beer here is good. She said she’d be back in a minute to take the food order. On me, of course.” It felt as though it was the least she could do when he was going out of his way.

@dearbcrned​

[xfortescues]

Diagon Alley used to be a place she’d enjoyed, wandering aimlessly through the streets and stopping at whatever caught her eye. But now it felt more like an obstacle course with the way that she always wanted to dodge those that she knew. Whether they were Order or not didn’t matter when most people would be unwelcome for any reason. She hated lying to those closest to her but most of all hated having to put up a facade that went against everything that she believed in. 

So instead of spending the day perusing what was on offer, she was determined to make her trip as quick as possible in the hopes that she could avoid running into anyone. With her luck the way it had been she had suspected that it would most likely be impossible but what she hadn’t anticipated was quite how quickly her hopes would be dashed. Vague smile appeared on her lips as soon as she spotted the familiar man, their gazes locking so that she couldn’t possibly ignore him. “Lucius, it’s been a while.” Tone was carefully neutral, gaze flickering upwards as she sought a safe topic of conversation. “Quite nice weather for this time of year, wouldn’t you say?”

@l-a-malfoy

[kingshanewest]

[xfortescues]

kingshanewest‌:

You make a decision whether you just work on the script and believe in every moment and pick out every moment, or if you sit down and memorize lines. Once you really dig into a script, learning lines becomes almost second nature.

[xfortescues]

★ gianna

I like you / I hate you / I dislike you/ I love you / You are family / I would take a bullet for you / I would shoot you / I would lie to your face / I would say something cruel to you on purpose / I would say something cruel to you accidentally  / I would cheat on you / I would physically hurt you / You annoy me/ You amuse me / I’d laugh at you / I’d laugh with you / I’d manipulate you / You scare me / You confuse me / I wish I knew you better / I trust you / I don’t trust you / You inspire me / I consider you an equal / You are beneath me / You’re better than me / I would trust you with my life / I think you’re mean / I think you’re petty / I think you’re childish / I think you’re smart / I think you’re stupid / I think you’re a bad person / I think you’re a good person / I’m not sure what kind of person you are / I wish you would listen to me / I want to make you proud / I wish you would notice me / I want to impress you / I would hurt other people for you / I’m not sure how to make you happy / I’m a bad influence on you / You deserve better than me / We make a great team / I’d have a one night stand with you / I’d have a relationship with you / I would marry you (in the most platonic possible way) / I fantasize about our life together / I would trust you with my most treasured belonging / I would tell you my darkest secrets / You disgust me / You intimidate me / I hope I intimidate you / I’d hug you / I’d let you hug me  / I’m scared of losing you / I don’t think you like me / I want to be better for you / I respect you / I don’t respect you / You’re my mentor / You’re my friend / You’re my best friend / I have a crush on you / I could easily watch you die / I’d get drunk with you / I’d party with you / I’d comfort you / I’d prank you / I’d spike your drink / I’d act behind your back / I’d abandon you / I’d hurt you to get what I want / I would choose my happiness over yours / I would choose your happiness over mine / I despise how much I care for you / I need you / I’m dependent on you / I don’t know what I’d do without you / I’m scared of you leaving me / I’d give my life for you / You frustrate me / I’d call for you in a time of need / I would protect you / I’d visit you in hospital / I’d carry you if you were hurt / I’d feel guilty if I hurt you / I’d let you be near me when I am vulnerable / I’d ignore a phone call from you / I’d call you at 3am / I’d break you out of jail / I’d get angry at you / I would shout at you / You’re too loud / You’re too quiet / You’re too sensitive / You can’t take a joke / You embarrass me / I feel nothing for you / You’re reckless / You’re bossy / You bore me / I would ask your advice / I would blame you for something I did / I would cry in your arms / You have the power to hurt me more than anyone else /

[xfortescues]

If asked whether it was all the adrenaline flowing through her system from the excitement of the match or simply Frank’s company that had left her feeling so buoyed, she knew exactly what her answer would be. It was why as soon as the final whistle had blown she had been so quick to suggest that they carry on the day at her home, unwilling to let him go just yet. Maybe it was selfish of her to monopolise his time so much in one day but she was aware more than ever of how the world seemed to make more sense around him. That sense of comfort and normality that were so lacking in her life, so present whenever Frank was by her side and she wasn’t ready to give it up just yet. 

Once they’d arrived she busied herself making things that little more presentable, not that her home was ever allowed to get truly untidy. Smile flickered over her lips as she moved some papers, making small talk as she did. “That was some match. Tea?” Hand stilled as it brushed her now unused Auror badge, suddenly feeling as though tea wasn’t what she needed at that moment. “Or something a little stronger?” Her question was played off somewhat playfully when she wasn’t about to allow her grief about her job to spoil the lightness of their day.

@franklongbttms​

[xfortescues]

Lying was far from something that came easily to her when she had relied upon her actions and words being nothing but authentic over the years. The whole facade she was putting herself through was utterly exhausting when it required biting her tongue and constantly thinking on her feet to ensure she stayed convincing. Not for the first time she had to reason with herself that there was a reason she was doing all of this, even though she found her resolve for it waning more and more.

Knowing that she’d need something a little stronger than butterbeer to take the edge off it all, she’d gone in search of someone to drink with. Without really thinking she found her way to the Healer’s tent, glancing around for a familiar face. Closing the distance between herself and her friend, she cleared her throat softly to announce herself. “Do you finish soon?” Small, hopeful smile played over her lips when she made the reason for her visit known. “I could really use a drink.”

@andrmdablck​

[xfortescues]

★ for frank

I like you / I hate you / I dislike you/ I love you / You are family / I would take a bullet for you / I would shoot you / I would lie to your face / I would say something cruel to you on purpose / I would say something cruel to you accidentally  / I would cheat on you / I would physically hurt you / You annoy me/ You amuse me / I’d laugh at you / I’d laugh with you / I’d manipulate you / You scare me / You confuse me / I wish I knew you better / I trust you / I don’t trust you / You inspire me / I consider you an equal / You are beneath me / You’re better than me / I would trust you with my life / I think you’re mean / I think you’re petty / I think you’re childish / I think you’re smart / I think you’re stupid / I think you’re a bad person / I think you’re a good person / I’m not sure what kind of person you are / I wish you would listen to me / I want to make you proud / I wish you would notice me / I want to impress you / I would hurt other people for you / I’m not sure how to make you happy / I’m a bad influence on you / You deserve better than me / We make a great team / I’d have a one night stand with you / I’d have a relationship with you / I would marry you / I fantasize about our life together / I would trust you with my most treasured belonging / I would tell you my darkest secrets / You disgust me / You intimidate me / I hope I intimidate you / I’d hug you / I’d let you hug me  / I’m scared of losing you / I don’t think you like me / I want to be better for you / I respect you / I don’t respect you / You’re my mentor / You’re my friend / You’re my best friend / I have a crush on you / I could easily watch you die / I’d get drunk with you / I’d party with you / I’d comfort you / I’d prank you / I’d spike your drink / I’d act behind your back / I’d abandon you / I’d hurt you to get what I want / I would choose my happiness over yours / I would choose your happiness over mine / I despise how much I care for you / I need you / I’m dependent on you / I don’t know what I’d do without you / I’m scared of you leaving me / I’d give my life for you / You frustrate me / I’d call for you in a time of need / I would protect you / I’d visit you in hospital / I’d carry you if you were hurt / I’d feel guilty if I hurt you / I’d let you be near me when I am vulnerable / I’d ignore a phone call from you / I’d call you at 3am / I’d break you out of jail / I’d get angry at you / I would shout at you / You’re too loud / You’re too quiet / You’re too sensitive / You can’t take a joke / You embarrass me / I feel nothing for you / You’re reckless / You’re bossy / You bore me / I would ask your advice / I would blame you for something I did / I would cry in your arms / You have the power to hurt me more than anyone else /

[xfortescues]

★

I like you / I hate you / I dislike you/ I love you / You are family / I would take a bullet for you / I would shoot you / I would lie to your face / I would say something cruel to you on purpose / I would say something cruel to you accidentally  / I would cheat on you / I would physically hurt you / You annoy me/ You amuse me / I’d laugh at you / I’d laugh with you / I’d manipulate you / You scare me / You confuse me / I wish I knew you better / I trust you / I don’t trust you / You inspire me / I consider you an equal / You are beneath me / You’re better than me / I would trust you with my life / I think you’re mean / I think you’re petty / I think you’re childish / I think you’re smart / I think you’re stupid / I think you’re a bad person / I think you’re a good person / I’m not sure what kind of person you are / I wish you would listen to me / I want to make you proud / I wish you would notice me / I want to impress you / I would hurt other people for you / I’m not sure how to make you happy / I’m a bad influence on you / You deserve better than me / We make a great team / I’d have a one night stand with you / I’d have a relationship with you / I would marry you / I fantasize about our life together / I would trust you with my most treasured belonging / I would tell you my darkest secrets / You disgust me / You intimidate me / I hope I intimidate you / I’d hug you / I’d let you hug me  / I’m scared of losing you / I don’t think you like me / I want to be better for you / I respect you / I don’t respect you / You’re my mentor / You’re my friend / You’re my best friend / I have a crush on you / I could easily watch you die / I’d get drunk with you / I’d party with you / I’d comfort you / I’d prank you / I’d spike your drink / I’d act behind your back / I’d abandon you / I’d hurt you to get what I want / I would choose my happiness over yours / I would choose your happiness over mine / I despise how much I care for you / I need you / I’m dependent on you / I don’t know what I’d do without you / I’m scared of you leaving me / I’d give my life for you / You frustrate me / I’d call for you in a time of need / I would protect you / I’d visit you in hospital / I’d carry you if you were hurt / I’d feel guilty if I hurt you / I’d let you be near me when I am vulnerable / I’d ignore a phone call from you / I’d call you at 3am / I’d break you out of jail / I’d get angry at you / I would shout at you / You’re too loud / You’re too quiet / You’re too sensitive / You can’t take a joke / You embarrass me / I feel nothing for you / You’re reckless / You’re bossy / You bore me / I would ask your advice / I would blame you for something I did / I would cry in your arms / You have the power to hurt me more than anyone else /

[xfortescues]

★ (Selina)

I like you / I hate you / I dislike you/ I love you / You are family / I would take a bullet for you / I would shoot you / I would lie to your face / I would say something cruel to you on purpose / I would say something cruel to you accidentally  / I would cheat on you / I would physically hurt you / You annoy me/ You amuse me / I’d laugh at you / I’d laugh with you / I’d manipulate you / You scare me / You confuse me / I wish I knew you better / I trust you / I don’t trust you / You inspire me / I consider you an equal / You are beneath me / You’re better than me / I would trust you with my life / I think you’re mean / I think you’re petty / I think you’re childish / I think you’re smart / I think you’re stupid / I think you’re a bad person / I think you’re a good person / I’m not sure what kind of person you are / I wish you would listen to me / I want to make you proud / I wish you would notice me / I want to impress you / I would hurt other people for you / I’m not sure how to make you happy / I’m a bad influence on you / You deserve better than me / We make a great team / I’d have a one night stand with you / I’d have a relationship with you / I would marry you / I fantasize about our life together / I would trust you with my most treasured belonging / I would tell you my darkest secrets / You disgust me / You intimidate me / I hope I intimidate you / I’d hug you / I’d let you hug me  / I’m scared of losing you / I don’t think you like me / I want to be better for you / I respect you / I don’t respect you / You’re my mentor / You’re my friend / You’re my best friend / I have a crush on you / I could easily watch you die / I’d get drunk with you / I’d party with you / I’d comfort you / I’d prank you / I’d spike your drink / I’d act behind your back / I’d abandon you / I’d hurt you to get what I want / I would choose my happiness over yours / I would choose your happiness over mine / I despise how much I care for you / I need you / I’m dependent on you / I don’t know what I’d do without you / I’m scared of you leaving me / I’d give my life for you / You frustrate me / I’d call for you in a time of need / I would protect you / I’d visit you in hospital / I’d carry you if you were hurt / I’d feel guilty if I hurt you / I’d let you be near me when I am vulnerable / I’d ignore a phone call from you / I’d call you at 3am / I’d break you out of jail / I’d get angry at you / I would shout at you / You’re too loud / You’re too quiet / You’re too sensitive / You can’t take a joke / You embarrass me / I feel nothing for you / You’re reckless / You’re bossy / You bore me / I would ask your advice / I would blame you for something I did / I would cry in your arms / You have the power to hurt me more than anyone else /