Whew... all the post-con thoughts are rolling in and there's a LOT of them.
I'm so happy as a fan, I'm so happy as a creator, I'm so excited to have community, but also I have visions flashing through my mind about my future with anxiety and excitement and criticism all at once. It's just so surreal.
I had the best time as a fan. Seeing KAF, losing myself in the excitement, seeing so many talents I look up to performing and attending, seeing all the merch of things I love and recognize, seeing everyone enjoy themselves, I think "we love the same things, we speak the same heart, I am where I belong right here." I think the best was hanging out with Observers at our afterparty/meetup. These niche songs I love so passionately, being sung and enjoyed by a group of English-speaking people is truly surreal. The euphoria and joy of that is something precious I first learned back attending Genshou IV & KAF 5th, then even more a few weeks back at holoSerendipity. This new feeling is becoming familiar in a way I can accept.
As a creator, handing out my business cards, explaining what I do to people, singing at karaoke... I met people who recognized and appreciated my work, that I have an impact on people in this community. That feeling is still something I'm processing. The fact my virtual creations have impact in the real world that I can bear witness to, it's like proof I'm doing something right, that I should keep moving forwards. Keep working.
A spark lit inside me of "what can I do next time to make this better?" -- Give out freebies, redesign my card! I didn't realize 100 business cards wasn't enough! Oh, maybe I could apply to perform somewhere within this con next time!-- Since it's my first time and I was mainly here as an Observer for KAF, I didn't do as much as a creator to share my potential and express myself. But, every bone in my body is wanting to do more, wanting to move, wanting to sing. We'll see if we can make that happen and if the stars align for it.
Because I see myself reflected in the performers and I know I can do what they do. And being here, witnessing it for myself... It has illuminated the vision to see that path move forwards.
I was happy people were interested in my design and my VTuber, hopefully more people can support me from here on out, that I can resonate with more people and show them a new soundscape and story. The business card table... I've definitely looked into others, trying to look for other singers I can follow, which really gives me a lot of insight looking in my fellow community members as well. Where I stand, what my values are, what other people's values are, how to promote oneself, how to reach other people... That's a lot to think about. Being extremely particular about my own direction has its pros and cons for sure.
I'm still bad with socializing and networking properly online though. I feel like it's easier to tell people in person to subscribe/follow, LOL. So, I think it makes these events worth it and helpful for me in the future.
But circling back to KAF and Kamitsubaki... They're the entire reason I got into VTubing and specifically becoming a VSinger. They're the continuous spark of inspiration that shows my way forwards. I know so many song lyrics by heart (I knew the most out of anyone there at the Observer afterparty????), I listen to them all the time, their songs and stories resonated with me so much that it led me on this new path of creation myself. They are quite niche in the overall VTuber world, so I am too as a result. So... That's why finding any way to look for my people is important and precious to me. And to be able to sing my heart out upon more and more stages. Just as Kamitsubaki attracts a very specific kind of fan -- the community I belong to so dearly -- I myself as a creator seek to find the very specific people who can share in my song and my story, and to open up more gateways and opportunities to find those people wherever in the world they are hiding.
