Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Itās not some exciting paradise that youāre thinking of, Ā ā Ā Adam commented quietly, eyes still turned downwards as he pushed that REGRET so far down he could feel it sinking into his knees. Adam wouldnāt admit to anyone but his own thoughts that he had been the same way BEFORE. When inside, the OUTSIDE seemed like someā¦ adventure, just a constant adventure that never stopped and always kept you awake and on your toes, for youād never wanna go to sleep in case something went on and you might miss it. And, well, it was that, but that could get boring. A never ending swirl of anxiety, not excitement, just gets TIRING after awhile. This woman, she got to go home to her own bed, her own room even. Adam lived in a room with nearly twenty nine roommates, sometimes his roommates were the STARS and sometimes his roommates were the chairs of the Mess Hall as he slept underneath the table. ( A constant adventure, alright, where no one ever shuts the fuck up and the lights are kept on all night. )
Ā Ā Ā And God, this woman, talk about not shutting the fuck up. When he didnāt have his reputation to rely on, Adam thought his tone and generalā¦ vibe would make her fuck right off. She just kept pushing, the way his father did whenever he was being interrogated for a crime that he might have ( probably ) committed. She really didnāt have any idea of who HE was, what he done, why there was permanently three red lines that sprawled over the left side of his face. She had no idea, she had no fuckinā right to be so blasĆ© about the DEATH of a boy that had a whole life ahead of him. ( Where, even before, Adam had NOTHING because he was NOTHING and now he IS nothing. ) His teeth were gritting by that point, eyes casting a hard shadow as he avoided looking at her, fingers twitching with the urge to HIT somethingānot her, of course, but maybe a tree trunk or maybe even himself.
Ā Ā Ā ANYBODY HE WANTED TO BEāAdam Becher, nor Adam Yates, ever wanted to be a murderer. Sure, RAGE was a vicious lion that forever had its claws around his throat, and sure, he had to make the WORLD feel his pain ( because thatās the ONLY thing heās everĀ really felt ) but that doesnāt mean he has ever wanted to kill another person ; threatened it, sure, but thatās just what teenage bullies doāthey rarely ever mean it, they rarely ever DO it. Ā ā Ā Jesus fuckinā Christ, lady, Ā ā Ā His tone was utterly exasperated, a long sigh dragging out the words. Ā ā Ā Go home and ask someone, literally anyone, what Becks did. Ā ā Ā Guilt is a heavy, dark cloud that follows Adam around and thatās because he DESERVES itāeveryone knows Shiloh Blake sure didnāt. Ā ā Ā Then youāll understand why I canāt just be anybody I want to be. Ā āĀ
āOkay, so--letās say it isnāt paradise exactly. So what?ā Brows drew together incredulously. There was little she could understand about the manās apparent disdain for the BEAUTYĀ that spread out all around him--jutting up from the ground and snaking its way up the bark of real treesĀ to add to the lush canopy above them.Ā āItās better than the place we left behind.ā She doesnāt mention the people; itās not BETTERĀ without them. SheāsĀ not better without them. In a great big house back on Earth 1, Serena Liu slept alone in the serenity of cotton sheets, expertly tucked around a king sized mattress. She slept alone. She met her parents for breakfast in the morning. They trained, went about their days, attended functions. In alia terra, Scout Feng lay awake most nights until the crack of dawn, curled into the northeastern corner of her bed. It was the only time she had to herself; the only time to grieve. Scout Feng wore Serena Liuās black armband underneath her skin and cried it out by MOURNING LIGHT.
Scout had been born fearless and her parents had fostered it, built a house upon its strong foundation for her to protect herself. She could fight. She could map and survive. She knew basic first aid. She was made for alia terra in the womb like clay in a kiln and refined with glaze. Fearless girls didnāt run from conversations. They didnāt refrain from questions because of the responderās harsh tones. Scout was given EVERY OPPORTUNITYĀ to succeed and with all her skills--a daunting list of bullet points from years of classes and trainings--for all her insight, the inability to recognize what she did not knowĀ lurked in blindspots. She was smart. She was pretty and rich. She could survive. But she could not see past herself. äŗåŗä¹č -- A FROG IN THE WELL DOESNāT KNOW THE GREAT OCEAN. It was almost certain, unbeknownst to either of the two who stood tentatively in the great, wide jungle, that neither Adam Becher nor Scout Feng had truly KNOWNĀ the ocean--an even deeperĀ truth, that it was a fact neither one of them would admit.Ā
āOh, my god. Did you kill someoneās puppy?ā Scout whispered, features threatening a laugh. Sheād heard that people whoād left alia terra had DESERVEDĀ to be banished, but sheād also heard that people who bought their way in were selfish pricks. This man hadnāt even raised so much of a hand to her and had spent most of their short interaction beckoningĀ her to return home. He didnāt seem like heād hurt anybody, save the fact that his BARK was certainly worseĀ than his BITE. The direction only piqued her curiosity and she approached him, a couple tentative steps--the kind a woman approaching an unpredictable deer ( as if the antlers of a stag werenāt as deadlyĀ as the teeth of a lion ).Ā
āHey, Iām sorry. Iām just--ā A fucking weirdo rich kid who doesnāt know how to make new friends? In school sheād annoyed everyone her age with her constant list of facts about the world she knew sheād someday be apart of. Frowning with the concentration of trying to figure out a way to keep going, she thrusts her hand forward. ā--Iām--Iām Scout Feng. Look, whatever you did, so what? You donāt live there anymore.ā She doesnāt mention that the same things apply to her. Itās not much of a secret identity if you let everyone you meet know youāve got a secret lurking underneath. āIf you want to tell me, you can tell me. Iām not going to ask somebody else. Letās just be friends!ā Hand still extended, Scout offered him an earnest smile.Ā
