dont even know what to put as the title i feel miserable
yk when someone is acting like they like you, tell you things such as i miss you, my clothes smell like you, i feel joice when you text me we are at a point of no return, and you ask them if they mean all that and if they really want this to work out and they say yes to keep you interested but then they start self sabotaging like they did with 5 other guys before you and start saying things just to hurt you so you stop trying and then they say "oh but i told you im a bad person for a relationship" but they still choose to try (actually they know it'll end because of them and they are just bored and want attention and physical contact) and they said that to feel less accountable like yeah its your fault for getting into this knowing that everyone is gonna choose to try for you and then when you start getting closer and when you start feeling like things might actually work out they just randomly discard you, become cold, act like 2.5 months of talking meant absolutely nothing to them, act like everything they told you is a lie and are purposefully hurting you because they know you're attached (which is fucking normal after 2.5 months and everything that happened) just to make you leave them, and then they hide behind "avoidant attachement" which 90% of people in this generation supposedly have but its just an excuse to avoid accountability because if they really meant everything they said and did they would actually try for you and AT LEAST TRY not to self sabotage the whole entire thing and not say that you dont mean anything to them, also yk when they escalate physical things like sitting on top of you or basically sext 2 DAYS before they discard you, that basically means they were using you because they themselves said that they knew it was gonna end so then why do that??? bc they were just horny and it didnt mean aboslutely anything to them. And at the end they've already made up their mind that the wanna end things and you cant do a single thing to try to save the relationship or situationship or whatever because they just wont listen, if they actually liked you or if they actually cared they wouldnt be so set on dissapearing, i just cant fathom behaving like that with someone, doing things that you know mean to them to get them attached and to keep them and then just be like fuck off idc
and also them not having a single argument on why they dont wanna try or on why they acted the way they did and pulling "well you're just not the type of person i want a relationship with" after acting like you were in a RELATIONSHIP for 2.5 months is too fucking late you should know that way earlier and of course i cant be myself when i am doing everything not to lose you and feel like im drowning and cant do anything because they wanna give up every week like OF COURSE I CANT FEEL FEEL AROUND YOU WHEN YOU CONSTANTLY TRY SELF SABOTAGING THIS ARE YOU DUMB??
imam previse stvari da kazem pola ovoga se ponavlja ali tako se osecam i ne pisem ovakva sranja nikad i nadam se da ces da procitas ovo jer ne mogu da ti opisem koliko se retardirano osecam sto sam ti uopste verovao jer bukvalno ispada da sam bio samo iskoriscen da si zapravo mislila sve sto si pricala i mislila i radila a ne da si to radila to da bi me zadrzala i manipulisala ne bi tako lako odustala i ne mozes da mi kazes da su svi likovi koje si odjebala krivi i da nije mogla da uspe veza, samo nisi zelela to jer ne zelis da se committujes a kamoli da se malo vezes i razumem ja neke delove tvoje perspektive ali isto tako si svesna sta radis i bila si svesna kako se ponasas i kako ce ovo da se zavrsi lowk si iskusna u odjebavanju likova i kazes da si znala dosta ranije kako ce se stvari zavrsiti ali si odlucila da nastavis zato sto ti je bilo lepo al nema veze slucajno da li ces nekoga da povredis zato sto si ti bezbedna!
da te je stvarno bilo briga bila bi iskrena i ne bi doslo do svega ovoga i iskreno mislim da je bas gadno to sto si uradila
takodje je jako blamatno sa moje strane sto sam ignorisao svo tvoje retardirano ponasanje prema meni jer sam zeleo da popravim stvari i sto sam forsirao nesto sto si tako ocigledno zacrtala da zavrsis bez ikakvog konkretnog razloga, ali ako sam ista naucio iz ovoga je da moram da imam self respect ig ali znala da sam jako nesiguran i da imam trust issues i to si iskoristila
tkd eto morao sam sve da izbacim iz sistema da bi nastavio jer je meni sve ono zapravo znacilo i skroz sam se da kazem posvetio tome i bukvalno mi je postao deo rutine da imam tebe tu i da pricam sa tobom tokom dana i to me je jako veselilo i trebace mi vremena da se prilagodim jer ja generalno nisakim ne pricam koliko sam pricao sa tobom, zelim da znas da si ispala najblaze receno kao degenerik prema meni
