Noi of Thailand

Smile, the worst is yet to come. We'll be lucky if we ever see the sun. Got nowhere to go, we could be here for a while. But the future is forgiven, so smile. We're trying so hard to get it all right. But only feel lonely at the end of the night. And I wanna be somewhere away from this place. Yeah, somewhere just a little closer to grace.

[theliteraryjournals]

In a sense, I’m the one who ruined me: I did it myself.

Haruki Murakami, 1Q84 (via theliteraryjournals)

[nathan-downing-blog]

“have you tried bug spray? you need to spray that shit on you every thirty minutes or else you’re going to end up more bug bites than skin.”

[xnoix-blog]

“I would have if I had any...and I would have it if I had been allowed to pack my bags. I don’t know who my parents got to sort everything out but it doesn’t seem like they were very aware that I was heading to a camp in the middle of nowhere.”

[scverisbloghaha-blog]

     ‘ looks like it. virgin prince ? yikes. straight out of a disney film. just try not to beat yourself up about it too hard— almost every royal here’s fucked up a bunch. people will forget, even if it doesn’t seem like they will right now. ’

[xnoix-blog]

“Yeah, Disney prince charming was the kinda thing they were going for I think. I know, guess it would just be nice to not have magazines and shit with my face all over them. Though considering I’m stuck here now I won’t be seeing any of it.”

[ofsoupboy]

“Do you not have some sort of insect repellant spray? Lemon eucalyptus oil works great at keeping the pests away.”

[xnoix-blog]

“No, I don't. Which is endlessly annoying. I think I’m going to end up with more bites then skin on my arm by the end of today.”

[scverisbloghaha-blog]

     ‘ shit, dude. that’s nasty. i don’t understand though, photos of me doing coke with a stripper popped up on the cover of ilta-sanomat and all that blew over in about a month. i guess thailand’s a little less chilled out… ’

[xnoix-blog]

“Thailand is a lot less chilled out about this kind of stuff. Plus, my parents may or may not have had the country convinced that I was this little virgin prince. So, me leaving a brothel didn’t look all that great.”

[scverisbloghaha-blog]

     ‘ i have a lot of bug spray just in case. how’s life been treating you ? ’

[xnoix-blog]

“Oh, great! The entire press is just covered with photos of me  and I’m being constantly reminded that I’ve ruined several diplomatic connections. It’s been brilliant, what about you?”

[scverisbloghaha-blog]

     ‘ i hope you’re vaccinated, noi. good to see you dude ! ’

[xnoix-blog]

“Don’t worry, I’m sure I won’t be dying of a deadly disease anytime soon. Yeah, good to see you too, Sev.”

[ryxnuying]

why did it sound like he was lying? as if he was saying everything to make her heart hurt less. she wished it could’ve worked. she wished she could’ve felt better. seeing noi was the same sensation as pouring salt into an open wound. “i can’t l-look at your face..” her voice finally cracked as she furiously wiped her tears. most of her hair was covering bits and pieces of face and she was glad. she didn’t want to fully see him, and she didn’t want to fully have him see her become a complete mess. sunny could’ve sworn she was over this stupid thing, but she was wrong. “i see you and i s-see…them.” her voice became quiet, the opposite of what it was just moments ago. screaming and crying and yelling wasn’t sunshine at all, she was already worn out. 

[xnoix-blog]

Noi would never admit to the bit of his heart that hurt at her words, it was like something breaking in him. Maybe he had cared more than he thought he had, maybe he should have thought more about what Sunshine meant to him before agreeing to go to that stupid brothel. That fucking brothel, he’d burn it if he could. If he hadn’t gone there everything would still be alright. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled pathetically as he fought the tears in his eyes. He wasn’t going to cry. He wasn’t going to cry. Noi perked in curiosity when she said them. Who was them? He wanted to know but considering her current state it was probably not the right time to ask. “I’m sorry Sunshine, I hope I can make you believe that at some point.”

[ryxnuying]

sunshine remained silent for a moment. she tried her best to process what noi was saying, trying to maybe let him explain himself, hear his side of the story, to let him tell her what really happened that day. but she could’t stop from the anxiety that twisted around in her stomachs. she felt like her guts were on fire and something was sitting on her chest. the rage that built up in the small princess was no joke. she clenched her small fists together, trying to stop herself, trying to calm herself, but it was to no avail. her emotions won over. “WAS I A FUCKING JOKE TO YOU?!” the truth finally slipped from sunny’s mouth in the form of a scream and she couldn’t stop the angry blabbering that continued after. “who cares if we weren’t an official couple, noi!? the chances of us getting married were so incredibly high! you made me a joke in japan! people pitied me! my parents felt horrible for me!” she said, practically fuming. “people felt sorry for me because of you.” sunshine let out a frustrated ‘ugh’ and ran a hand through her hair, as the tears she didn’t want to appear, fell from her cheeks.

[xnoix-blog]

Noi took a step back as she shouted. “No...you were never that.” He muttered only just realising how much he had hurt her with what he had done. It wasn’t meant to go this way, this wasn’t how his life was meant to go. He was going to get married, to Sunshine, and have some kids and be a good king like his father and live his life the right way but he couldn’t now. That life had blown up in smoke. “I’m sorry! This isn’t what I wanted, I didn’t want you to get hurt. I didn’t want anyone to pity you, Sunny. I’d rather everyone was just angry at me rather than pity you. This is my fault and I get that I’m sorry. I’m so sorry but I...I don’t know what to do now. I don’t know how to fix any of this or apologize enough for it.” He could feel a knot forming in his throat but he ignored. He wasn’t going to cry, not when he didn’t deserve to. Not when she was already in front of him with tears on her cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”

[ryxnuying]

“yeah, and your one wrong choice hurt people, noi. it hurt your family, it hurt my family, it hurt our diplomatic relations.” it hurt me. of course sunny wasn’t going to say that, not out loud anyways. maybe when she was drunk and with minho, then maybe that’s when she would.”was being potentially married off to me some sort of joke to you? was i just some pretty little princess you thought you could take advantage of and get away with?” sunny was genuinely curious. because that’s what it seemed like. the japanese princess so badly wanted to scream at him, to tell him she was with another man when the talks of them getting married was happening, but she couldn’t. and she had no idea why. “then just stay clear from me and i’ll pretend you don’t exist. which really is no trouble at all.” bullshit, sunny thought. she knew this was all she was going to think about for a while now.

[xnoix-blog]

“Wow, really? I never noticed? I’m not a complete fucking idiot, Sunshine. I know what I did and I know what it’s caused. And I’ve been trying to fix as much as I could before I was dumped off here.” Trying was the key word there. He been trying but in all honesty he wasn’t allowed to do much. It was his parents who had to clean up this mess and it killed Noi whenever he thought about it. The most he had done was give an anonymous donation to the man who had gotten beaten by his ‘friends’. It would have been more than enough to pay for the mans hospital fees and soothed Noi’s conscience slightly but not enough. He should have stopped it from happening in the first place. “No! Fuck no! You were never that, Sunshine, I swear. I never thought I could take advantage of you, I would never want to do that. It’s just...we weren’t official or anything yet and I wasn’t thinking when my friends-” ugh, referring to them as that turned his stomach “-suggested that we went there.” He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, not sure of what to do to make any of this better. “Fine.”

[ryxnuying]

“but you had a choice. you did have a choice to stop this from happening.” sunshine said in a low voice, referring to his actions that let to his scandal. maybe it was the childish part of sunshine, the immature side, the little princess in the fairy tale part, the one where she did believe had good intentions towards her. why was she so…stupid? now, sunny was confused. why was she so hurt by the scandal? sure, it sucked, since noi seemed to be such a decent guy and he was even nice to her and didn’t have any ill intentions in mind. did she possibly…like the thai prince? was that it? without even knowing it, did sunshine subconsciously have faint feelings for him? the idea disgusted her as her face twisted. she didn’t cry. sunshine didn’t cry in public. she hated being weak and vulnerable, even though she had the tendency to be exactly that. when noi apologized, sunny scoffed sarcastically. was a half-assed sorry supposed to make her feel better? she was a fucking joke. after the scandal got out, people pitied sunny. she hated being pitied more than being weak and vulnerable. “i don’t want to deal with seeing you, i don’t want you here.” the princess protested, running a hand through her as she became more and more frustrated. the tears she so desperately wanted to go away were begging to come out, and she had no idea what she would do if they broke free.

[xnoix-blog]

“Okay, yeah I did and I made the wrong one. What do you want me to about? Because there’s not much I can do now. I fucked up and I can’t take it back and I wish I could. I didn’t want…I didn’t want to hurt you, Sunshine. That wasn’t my intention, I was just…stupid.” God, he was a fuck up. How could his parents even look at him after everything that had happened? Sure, they’d shouted and fought and told him a million times how disappointed they were but they still said it would be alright and everything would work out but Noi wasn’t sure that it would. And now there’s Sunshine. The girl he was meant to marry one day, the girl that he may have been slightly feeling something for even if he hadn’t known it yet and he’d hurt her because he was greedy. Because he was big headed enough to think that they might actually get away with it.·“Well, it’s not like I can just fuck off somewhere else. I’m stuck here just like you are.” He shrugged at a loss for words, a loss of what to do. He didn’t want to hurt her anymore, he wanted to apologize and explain what happened but that would just make him seem like a victim and he wasn’t. Not really, even if he felt like it at times.

[ryxnuying]

“and what? there was no other place your parents could send you too? a different country they couldn’t take you too?” her voice was venomous and she didn’t care at this point. she was angry. god, was she angry. she felt so many mixed emotions with noi being here, this close in front of her. when news of their possibly betrothal was brought up, sunshine genuinely didn’t mind it.  at the time, she was still dating the teacher from her old school, but she had a feeling noi was a good person, and their interactions justified that thought every time. around the time the scandal came out, sunny was finally over her ex-boyfriend and actually thought that she could be with someone who would treat her right, take care of her the right way, and maybe, just maybe, fall in love with her. of course, she would be wrong. “there’s so many places you could’ve went to, and you came here?” her voice was deadly quiet, sunny tried to process her emotions before speaking out irrationally. she was a princess after all, she refused to let him have the upper hand.

[xnoix-blog]

“Don’t act like this was my choice. You think I want to spend my summer stuck here? I was put where they fucking wanted me and how the hell was I meant to know you were here too.” He bit back before trying to calm down his anger. No, he didn’t have a right to be angry. Not really. Sure his life was fucked up forever now and he was probably never going to completely get over this scandal and he had witnessed something that still made his stomach turn just thinking about it but he didn’t deserve to be angry. That was all his fault. He did it to himself. He let it happen. “Look, I know apologizing doesn’t mean anything but I’m sorry. And trust me if I had known you were here or if I had known I was being sent here I would have tried to do something about it. But I didn’t, so we kinda just have to deal with seeing each other I guess.”

[xnoix-blog]

yourstrulysunny:

sunny heard the familiar voice and her stomach twisted in a knot. of course he would be here. as if it wasn’t torture enough for her to be stuck in camp, the man she was going to be betrothed to would be here. she was still bitter from their last conversation, which wasn’t too pretty, since it was the time noi’s scandal erupted and almost ruined diplomatic relations between japan and thailand. “why are you here.” she said in a monotone voice, secretly pleading for him to leave.

Noi froze at the sight of Sunny, trying to ignore the bad feeling in his stomach. He’d messed up, in more ways than one. He knew it wasn’t fair to her, she was sweet and pretty and every interaction they’d had was good. He’d actually started to think maybe he could fall for her, maybe he could have a wife that he loved. But then he messed it up, like he did everything else. “My parents thought it was best that I...stay out of the way for awhile.”

[connerhq]

“i have this anti-itch cream that i packed before coming, you are more than welcome to use it if you need.” the girl was referring to the calamine lotion that her assistant had packed for her. “it was a genius thing for my assistant to pack i must say.”

[xnoix-blog]

“Oh, please let me have some? I think I’m going to end up itching off my skin otherwise.” Noi hadn’t even checked the bags that had been packed for him but considering how angry his parents weer at him when he left he was sure that wouldn’t have thought about bug repellent or anything of that sort. “Well done to your assistant then. They’re good at thinking ahead.”

[connerhq]

“you do not have to speak those words ever again because i one hundred and thirty-seven percent agree with you. it’s as if they’ve never had royal blood before so they’re feasting!”

[xnoix-blog]

“I know, right? Like I’m used to bugs annoying me back home but it’s nothing like this. I think feasting is the right word when connected to the amount of bites on my arms.”

[vnislav-blog]

‘ tell me when was the last time they decided to upgrade the showers in this place, i hate being a “spoiled brat” but come on, even a normal person would think the pipes smell funny. ’ 

[xnoix-blog]

“I guess they aren’t the best showers in the world but it could be worse right? It’s not like there’s mold growing in the drain...yet.”

[xnoix-blog]

“The amount of insects who seem to want to eat me is probably something I should have thought about before getting on the plane here.”