IT'S A BLAST
Dumb And Even Dumber 2026
i fucking hate death metal. That is no secret by this point. Anything worth listening to in the genre imho are the most fringiest of things, so why i'm always diving head first in that kind of gigage is beyond me. Power from pain i guess. The one of the worst sub-genres of dm i would say be of slamming brutal variety. The vanilla bdm is just dumb as fuck senseless pommeling, occasionally transferring the pale of boring grey slime to some sort of listenability or even fun. Some rare bdm bands i even simply adore, but mostly respect anything experimental (and avant-garde ofc). But slam? Nuh-huh. That bastard child of senseless pommeling and even more senseless breakdowns is beyond awful, just like the deathcore "kids" love (by that point - thirtysomethings, so of course it is zoomer music through and through), but with some minuscule points into irony (i guess), so less "beatdown hc with metal riffs" angsty stupidity and more "let's dumb down music even more and insert breaks into dm idk lol". The gym-bro music for ones into "metal" i suppose. Anyway, that being said, here i am, experiencing pommeling first hand (and ears) with party people of PARTY CANNON.
Ngl was even more skeptical about them than usually, the band with funky subversive "cute" logo and party-party-party thematics, i despise feeble attempts at "tongue in cheek" even more. However! Those scotsmen broke the curse, and on an album sounded decent and varied enough, and turned those irony points into proper "good slam" bild. There're gonna be slam! (i hope (there was)).
Anyway, after some deliberations about drinking alcohol during a heatwave, the sweet sweet vermouth was consumed and here i am, riding through the town (saw our PM on the way, the true global village!).
The warm up act already bashing (and pommeling) to a surprisingly full to the brim club. GUTTURAL SLUG, a slam affair from DK, "global sensation!" etc., well, yes it is "brutal" and there are plenty of "slams" for people who like to run around. Kids like it, what of it. If i had couple more of sweet sweet vermouths, i would not have noticed any difference with any deathcore schlock i've seen so far (not a lot), but there are some. Don't ask me tho. Kids like it, what of it. i can only guess, but at some point seems they were playing their biggest "hit" (100500 millions of views on YT! and none of them are mine!). The announce also mentioned that in the halcyon days of 2013 (drop date of "the hit") boys were 15-17 years old (that makes them 30ish now, so zoomers alright). Hah, look at me, i'm becoming an uncfart in real time. Anyway, nuff rambling, let's discuss the boys themselves. The normal rock metal quintet of four hairdudes and one "brutal" in the cap on the mic. i guess the ratio of stocky metalcore dudes to "hairs" is the definitive factor of whether band is in sbdm or death-, hawk tua, -core trashcan. And some bald dudes gonna signify deathgrind i suppose. ANYWAY, i'm trying my best to squeeze a lot of saltyness into this report for no apparent reason [there's salt go out in droves tho, it is sauna in here], maybe to, how was it, make fun of the absurdity of it all (and to connect with miisha i guess). SLUG's obligatory samples were fun, but served only to make another "drop", and music boiled down into chugga-chugga while dude's squealing, and the drums are just laughable in places. [Jeez, that one long salty passage, i'm sorry]. Kids like it tho, WHAT OF IT.
«During The Change Over» some freaking metal party kid gave me a balloon (that i've of course promptly discarded), and we mimed a conversation - that is the most what i can manage with kids these days lmao.
...huh, excuse me, but where is the bass drum? Are you kidding me, there is no bass drum. Whatcha doin', PARTY CANNON? Is this the biggest metal conventions subversion ever? Instead there is some dinky contraption for drummer to footpedal in. The heck? This is some highlander magicks shit, and i thought i've seen it all. OKAY.
[Whatever, there was CRYPTOPSY playing over PA, this is good, all 's good, let's party!]
Yeah, sorry, no. Markedly better than the previous local talents effort, but still fucking sucks.
As was announced by rumbustious scottish andrew w.k. (with THICK accent, i love it!) on vocals "forget about politics and trouble, we gonna sing about fucking and partying", sure.
The PARTY CANNON quintet with two guitars (both shorthaired and rotund dudes, one was so involved he helped the riffs with his face), the gym fiend drummer (skipped leg day is guess), the massive enormous gigantic bassist, the aforementioned vocalist and some bondi shmuck in a mask working as on-stage chaos engine (playing with (beach) balls and holding assorted cardboard signs with commands to the public ("slam!", "2 step!", "eat ass!")) - party people a go go.
As per "modern" death metal traditions there were plenty goregrind element in rhythms (polka beat my beloved) and vocals (low squeals and what i can describe as "bone marrow squelch" sounds) - it just works, but when it breaks down all the sense goes out and gets really, REALLY dumb - but at least those merry northerners fully aware about it (their words not mine). In places it broke so slow and low it transcended soundscapes and sounded like a good funeral, but always quickly bounced back into midtempo chug-chug. The drums sounded decent enough (especially standing up close), but all the bells and whistles, like BIG BELL cymbal or some "wwwhommmb" effect actuator, were could easily have been just a normal no fuss drum set up, and yes, in this kind of music the fake bass drum works as well, no difference.
While band were playing there was complete chaos in the crowd - the usual slam (there was!) and questionable circling augmented with above-mentioned beach balls tossing and crowd surfing on an inflatable pizza slice - all of that greatly impeded by the club's small size and low ceiling - i honestly thought kids were gonna break some lighting equipment. At one point scottish andrew ask the public to come on a little tiny stage - so you could not even see the band playing behind, again silly but looked very awkward.
As was the first band completely sexless, did PARTY CANNON show some massive crass lewdness with most songs about fucking, mostly, as per modern times, involving ass and butt - kids love it, WHAT OF IT? (Yeah yeah, you can tap your sign all you want, miisha, be sure not to make a hole in it).
The second part of the set devolved into slam snooze fest complete with pleads to do wall of death and even PUSH UPS at the end (no kidding - kids graciously obliged and dropped to the floor), again hindered somewhat by club's tiny measurements, so it looked laughable even if it kinda worked okay. At one point all the movement of bodies and i guess exhalation and excretions created a proper atmosphere inside, so condensation started dripping from the ceiling.
The band were impressed enough to make a photo with the crowd, but instead of selfie they chose one member of the public who flipped them off (enormous danish slam "kid" towering over anyone tonight yet alone the scotts) to be a reluctant cameraman. On that note they wished us a good night to a halfhearted dismay of the party kids (no encore charades should be a standart imho), and we out.
Thank gog. (Note to self: next time third sense should be listened to - NO DEATH METAL GIGS).
14/08/26