Another thing I want to talk to you about is this idea of learning. Basically, you have to keep on learning—it will distract you from all the bullshit that we’re talking about. Two years ago, I couldn’t produce [music]; I learned how to do it in literally two years. I found it really difficult to program when I started, then I had this leap of confidence to actually get in front of the computer and learn how to do it. It was a massive challenge, because I am not a very logical person at all. It’s about facing your fears. If you do that, you realize that you can actually do anything you want to do! It’s been the most liberating experience.
Last week, I bumped into a very famous music artist. She started talking to me about her nails and her hair extensions, and how getting this stuff done makes her feel like a woman, and she has to have so much money to get this stuff done because she’s a woman and that’s what being a woman is. I thought to myself, That’s very interesting, because what makes me a woman is when I know I’ve produced a song myself—when I’ve found an artist to work with, given him a beat to work on and told him what I wanted, and he’s given it back to me and it’s what I’d envisioned as a producer. Or when I’ve made a video and released it into the world. That’s what makes me feel like a woman. Like, fuck anything else—fuck how tall I am or how long my hair is! This is the absolute epitome of what makes me feel like an adult, and like I’m handling my business. I’ve sat in front of my computer at three o’clock in the morning and I’ve made something myself that I had to learn how to do that was very difficult. When you find something easy, that’s a talent, but when you find something difficult, that’s when you get to really work and push and challenge yourself. I’m not saying that [that artist’s] image is invalid, because that might be where she gets her power from. Everyone is different. But for me, there’s something about learning that makes me feel the most adult I’ve ever felt.
I’m so happy as well, because I’m not crying about stupid shit! I’m busy, I’m doing things, and it’s an amazing feeling. If someone’s stupid or someone’s mean, I’m just like, OK, love and light, go what you need to do, I’m busy! It feels amazing to be this way.
theartofmadeline
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