Xo

[xopolly1]

[xopolly1]

Drawing a line

How confident are you when it comes to drawing a line? I mean metaphorically as in drawing a line under a relationship that isn't working. How many chances is it ok to give someone before we look like a mug? Is it a case of we really believe they won't do it again, or we know they will do it again but we're hoping we're wrong? It's easy to give advice to people and say "sack him off" and "one chance is enough, people don't change" but when it's our situation we question our judgement. No one wants to regret a decision. Is it easier to regret being fucked over repeatedly than moving on and wondering "what if?"...

[xopolly1]

Another one bites the dust

After yet another brief failed romance I'm left lying in my bed sobbing to myself asking myself the same question "why?". Don't mistake these tears for sorrow over losing that person, I don't give a rats arse about him I'm just hurt. Hurt because I'm asking WHY someone would be so hurtful? Also how can someone be so hurtful? It's a common theme lately with my choice of suitors. I can't even say it might be them lashing out because their hurt too because that's not the case at all. They call it off and then insist on saying horrible things and informing me of their next, or current fuck. Do they think breaking things off wasn't enough? Are they trying to punish me for not breaking down and begging them to stay with me? I don't even say hurtful things to them to provoke them! They just blurt it out like they couldn't wait to say it. Almost like bragging?.. I stopped crying over fuck boys a long time ago. But this brings out different emotions altogether. Sort of like the ones you get when you've been bullied. I remember a brief stint in highschool where I was bullied by a group of girls calling me "Annie" it was their nickname for me referring to anorexic. I wasn't anorexic of course but I had always been underweight up until last year when I turned 25. The doctors said I was perfectly healthy I ate normally. Anyway, I used to lie in bed at night back then and ask myself and God why people wanted to be nasty to me? What had I done so bad that I don't know about to cause this?.. Even though those girls became my friends years later I still don't know to this day why it happened. And I'm sure I'll never know why these guys have behaved towards me the way they have. They always apologise afterwards but the damage is done.

[xopolly1]

Almost forgotten what that feels like..

[xopolly1]

Honesty is the best policy

Some may say. Is there such thing as too much honesty? Is it sometimes ok to fabricate the truth to spare someone's feelings? We all have our different opinions on this but in this case I think not being so honest would have been best. There's being honest, then there's deliberately trying to hurt someone's feelings which I believe in this case is what happened. Now for me to tell you the story then you can form your opinion on the situation. For the last few months I've been involved in a bit of a long distance relationship with a guy, he's based in America for work. We originally met on tinder and built up a relationship over texts and FaceTime before meeting up. Everything was going as well as it could and we seemed to be on the same page with how we felt and where we wanted things to go. Then he came back home as he had business to sort out in London so we arranged to see each other a couple of days later. Then that night we face timed as normal as he was on his way out in London for dinner with a friend, who happened to be female. At first I was a little taken aback as I had never heard of this friend before and it seemed a bit out of the blue but I wasn't about to go all crazy jealous on him as he had reassured me it was just a friend so I told him to have a good night and I would speak to him later. We exchanged a couple of texts through the night then I received one saying he was back at his hotel. I asked how his night went and what did he have for dinner to which he replied "she sucked me off". I thought he was joking so I replied asking "are you serious?" He went on to tell me yes, that he had "tried to fuck her but she was on and wouldn't take her thing out". I couldn't believe what I was reading. I couldn't fight back the tears as I read the messages over and over again hoping I read them wrong or he was going to tell me someone had his phone. Why would someone deliberately be so harsh? What did I do for him to want to hurt me? I was angry at myself for getting upset but I was more upset that someone would be so nasty than him basically breaking up with me. I didn't know what I did to deserve that kind of treatment it was bizarre. I waited until the next day thinking he might text me apologising that he was drunk but there wasn't a chance of that happening he just continued to share the details of the events that I did not want to know about. I told him I didn't want to know and asked him why he was doing it? His reply was "I'm just being honest". Is that brutal honesty necessary or was he just being a dick? It turned out the girl he went to dinner with was someone he had been in love with for years and never thought he had a chance with as nothing had ever happened between them. Not that that makes it any better. Just shows how deceitful he really was. He ended up apologising a couple of weeks later but his apology means nothing to me. He has officially won title of dickhead of the year 2015.

[xopolly1]

They always come back..

Don't hold onto a guy, let him go and I can assure you he will come back. Whether it's a few weeks, months or years down the line. I've got so confident with this that I have actually told a couple of ex's who were breaking up with me that they will regret it and they will come back. Which I get the reply of "trust me I never go back to an ex". But I haven't been wrong once yet. They have different reasons for getting back in touch and it's not always in a romantic way. We've all fallen victim to the 'get drunk and rebound with an ex' charade. But even so when the ex is coming back to you it gives you a confident boost. I could give you a whole essay of examples but you'll be reading for hours so I'll go with the latest one. Remember I wrote about the awful most worst date of my life where I got totally drunk and crazy?!.. He's recently popped back up on the scene asking to see me again. This is proof my theory always works! That's one person I thought I'd never hear from again (and sort of wouldn't have blamed). Unfortunately for these guys who do hope for a second chance, once I've moved on there is no going back for me. At the moment there is only one person I regret not giving a second chance to, and he was my fiancé. So I wouldn't say never go back to an ex, but they will always come back to you!

[xopolly1]

Age

I decided to stop dating younger guys (early twenties) because I found the biggest issue was they didn't really know what they wanted. At my age I'm looking for something more serious, they weren't really sure. But after a while dating older guys (early thirties) I find them to be just as bad, if not worse. Girls, there's a reason they are still single at their age remember that! They are either set in their own ways and can't adapt to having to think about another person, are divorced or out of a long term relationship and decided that was enough for them and they now want to live life as a bachelor, have a reputation for mistreating previous girlfriends, have an army of kids that's just too much to take on, or no one wants them because they are Peter pan's that will never grow up!

[xopolly1]

MANopause

I think I’m actually going through what I am naming, the manopause where I simply stop caring about creating, having or conforming to any sort of relationship with a single, straight man. I am well and truly “over it”.

Symptoms consist of: Not going out to any place that you would usually associate with pulling ie bars, clubs Removing yourself from any dating sites Stop uploading selfies of you looking “your best” (that also may be provocative) in order to catch the attention of the male eye Not picking up your mobile phone for hours due to not expecting a text or looking forward to engaging into flirty bedtime conversation Shaving has become less frequent (no one is going to see/feel what’s underneath my clothes anyway) Never wearing matching underwear - swapping sexy lace for comfy granny pants Pigging out on junk food through the week on top of the weekend ‘treat day’ and not even feeling guilty Not even getting excited when a colleague asks you have you seen the cute new guy who’s started on security

As this is new to me I have no idea how long it will last, whether it is a permanent condition or not. If symptoms persist after 6 months, buy a cat.

[xopolly1]

You're so naiive

Sometimes I wish I didn't grow up and was still the girl I used to be. I don't thing it's such a bad thing to be a little naive, in fact I think it can be less painful. Being wise has its pros and cons. It helps you see reality but sometimes we're better off not knowing everything. Ignorance is bliss they say? I remember when I was younger I would believe anything anyone said, especially when it came to boys that I "loved". Thinking back now I should have seen everything that happened coming. But at the time I was completely happy believing their bullshit. It did spare my feelings most of the time. Now when he excuses come out (sometimes even the truth) I instantly think "I don't believe you" and a wall goes up. Over time the wall has built itself higher and higher and now I can't see over it. I've learnt to expect the worst. My tears have lessened with each disappointment and eventually I will completely stop caring.

[xopolly1]

❤️😍 her over any guy any day!

[xopolly1]

Is shit sex better than no sex?!

Ok to all you prudes out there we all have needs and there's nothing wrong with a healthy sex life, it doesn't always make you a slag! So what do you do when the offer of sex is there, but it's someone you have had an encounter with before and you know it's not going to blow your mind. Is it worth going there again or are we just better off stuck in the drought without giving ourselves any reminders of what we actually could have and are missing? There's always the option of taking control of things and making the best of a not so great situation, focus on your needs and make sure he gets the job done, or is it just too much effort?

[xopolly1]

Don't drink and date!

Ok so maybe the title is a bit extreme.. Drinking is good for dates, in moderation. It helps calm the nerves and helps relax the situation. Good to have something to sip during any awkward silences too! But this is a warning, don't get drunk!!!! I recently had an awful dating experience where I drank a bottle of wine in 60 minutes and was a complete mess.. I can't go into details as I have very limited memory but going from the guy's reaction a couple of days later it clearly was more than bad 🙈😂 Sadly I actually liked the guy, and I totally fucked it up. I don't blame him for doing a runner but it's a bit frustrating that it was totally out of character for me! Ah well, we live and we learn. If there's anything good you gain from a bad situation it's experience!

[xopolly1]

Double standards

So recently I went on a date which I thought went ok, he asked to see me again but then went cold a few days later and it never ended up happening. I got over it then a couple of weeks later I had a random text from said guy saying "on tinder are we ;P".. Now I'm not reading too much into it but come on if a girl sent that to a guy they would be called stalker, creepy, nuts, weird ect. This is just the latest example of this kind of behaviour from a lad. I hate how it's one rule for them and another for us. As this also comes into play with the Sex rules "a guy is a legend, a girl is a slut". Anyway to annoy me even more I ended up replying and he totally blanked me. Odd behaviour! Men can never complain they don't understand women!

[xopolly1]

Baggage

As if it wasn’t hard enough to find single guys in their mid-late twenties, it’s even harder to find them without baggage. That I mean not previously married, no kids, no crazy debts, no life altering addictions.. I know as we get older we don’t have the time to be as picky when it comes to finding our prince charming’s but it is becoming increasingly difficult to find an eligible bachelor. I don’t have anything against people who are divorced/separated, have kids ect in this particular age range it’s just I think to myself why should I take on baggage when I’ve come this far without my own? I want someone to share the experiences with and experience them as new together with me. Our wedding day, our first child. This is not me being shallow in any way and I am also a strong believer in it’s about the person you fall in love with and not what they have or don’t have. How they treat you and make you feel is the upmost important. I wouldn’t not date someone with baggage but I might overlook them initially for someone without it. This is probably one of the reasons I am 26 and still very much single. #beggarscantbechoosers

[dontmesswiththeleprechaun]

[xopolly1]

Rule 1.

[xopolly1]

He's NOT that into you

Why do we make excuses for why a guy hasn’t text us? “He’s waiting for you to text” “His battery has probably died” “He’s probably working late” “He doesn’t want to look too keen”

No! If he WANTS to text he WILL text. It’s a simple as that. Who are we kidding? Do we make the effort to text guys we’re not that into? No we don’t. Unless we are bored maybe or feeling a bit needy.

I hate that feeling after a date of is he or isn’t he going to text and how long will it take him? I recently went on a date that I thought went pretty well. At the end of the night he said “maybe see you again” which threw me into thinking oh god he doesn’t like me. But within 5 minutes I had a text saying he’s a dick and he meant if I wanted to see him again because he does want to see me. This made me happy, he seemed keen - even did the double texting (when you send two texts without a reply). Soooo you would all expect there to be another date right?.. Wrong! I never heard of him for 2 days so I took the plunge and sent him a casual text to which he replied straight away and explained he had been really busy with work. We exchanged a few texts over the next few days but the effort seemed to be more one sided on my part. So I’ve decided to back off. Maybe before I would have gave a little chase and put in more effort but with age comes experience and I’m looking for that spark. I want someone to want to make the effort with me just as much as I do for them. No one sided shit. That never works so may aswell cut ties now instead of forcing something and dragging it out. I’m a bit confused to what gave him the obvious change of heart within the space of a couple of days? This is what contributes to men being the more complicated sex! I mean this guy is in his mid twenties, you think he would man up and just say how it is? "Look I had a good time but this is as far as it goes" or anything along those lines and to the point. What's with the false hope? Nothing wrong with a bit of honesty. I think that's what society is lacking these days, especially in the dating world. There's ways to do it without being a dick. And tbh it's more respectful. Another thing lacking - respect! Anyway, the morale of the story is what the headline says - he’s not that into me!

[xopolly1]

Jamie Dornan Appreciation Society