IF SOMEONE had looked into his eyes as he walked down the road that evening, they would say he was empty, a lifeless stare to match his slow and mechanic steps. Cars passed by him, making outrageous noises and bombs of colors around, but everything seemed so pale, felt so grey to him. Life in grey scale like one of those mute films, but the hues were stubborn trying to make everything technicolor. But nothing, absolutely nothing could take the sorrow away, that hurtful truth:
He was alone again.
Deep inside he knew, or had known for a while then, that this day would come sooner or later. And it was such a scary thought that at nights haunted his sleep, it made it more terrifying as Matthew began to get sicker and sicker each day. Death would come to steal him away from his side, just like it had taken her from him back then, and it would only be him facing the world. It was inevitable, no man was immortal. Yet, there resided the tiniest sparks of light when he thought that at least he didn’t have to move to another Foster home, no, he was old enough to live on his own.
Drew couldn’t believe that strong man was gone, so cheerful and kind;
his dad, the man that touched so many souls including his.
He was standing at the door then, eyes fixed on the black wood. It would be silent inside, so lonely... Drew didn’t know if he could bear it being in that home alone, without him, without his music every morning.
It took him a couple of minutes to get in, it felt like an eternity, but as soon as he got inside he took his jacket off and sinking into the soft cushions of the couch he loosened his tie with an exasperated sigh. His chest was heavy and his heart felt as if one invisible claw had tightened around it, almost to the point of making his breathing null. He COULDN’T cry, even if the pain of losing his dad was enough. The man had lost so many people in his life that he had sworn he wouldn’t cry at the next one, it seemed his mind and body had believed in his words.
Staring at the ceiling his mind went back to the ceremony, Matt Hackett hadn’t been a famous man, but was known for an amount of people who had seen him play. Anywhere he looked, people whom he didn’t know where standing in silence with respect, some were crying, others just listening to the record he had brought to play. Surrounded by emotions and the soft tune which his dad had played, a piano arrangement of their favorite song, was like a dim parade of colors to his eyes.
“I’m sorry” a tall man had approached him, held his hand and shook it. “He was a good man” Yes he was, a wonderful man, a great father, the best I could have asked for... A beautiful soul, Drew thought while his eyes fixed on the stranger, he must have known him, but then another man came with such emotion in his face that it surprised him.
“I give you my condolences” he began, still shaking his hand for a couple of moments more, so overwhelmed that he had to hold his hand with both of his. “That man... I can’t tell you...” he paused to breath, looking right into his eyes and smiled “You look so much like your father”
“Oh, I’m not his real...”
“He talked so much about you”
‘Son...’ Drew whispered to himself, stopped in mid-sentence. “Did he?”
“Yes, one night I came by the restaurant’s bar”
No words escaped his lips, Drew was speechless, not knowing how or what his face looked like as the man saw him with a quirked brow.
“Would you like to hear it?”
“I– I would love to...”
Brown eyes closed, making the ceiling of that white ceiling disappear, remembering the next moment at that nearest café he’d gone with that man, Josh, when everyone had left and given him their sympathies. Drew had turned into that child again, like a lost soul without the safety, without a have to run to, those loving arms to be held in were gone, but Josh words had given him comfort.
“As I said, he was a great man” Josh continued “The night I met him I was passing a hard time. My wife had had an abortion, we had lost our little boy. Beyond sad I went for some drinks, I needed them. So depressed I had drank for so many nights, while my wife was asleep. I came home every morning trying to be strong for her but... at nights I crumbled down. I wanted to give up, we had tried so hard to be parents. That night I was getting very drunk at the restaurant’s bar, I used to go away from home, far away not to be recognized by anyone I could know. Your dad’s music in the background, so mood-lifting, soothing... I felt it. After a while, the music stopped and he was sitting next to me at the counter. He smiled and we began to talk, I don’t know how he did it son, but he made me spit out all my problems”
A smile appeared on Drew’s lips as he remembered that’s what he used to do. The magical power of making you talk no matter what was troubling you, he’d try to help or listen...
“You know what he told me? Placing his hand on my shoulder he said: Don’t give up. I know how it is to lose a little kid, more in your case as the days they could have lived vanished with their life, but when you do have one angel in your life, the waiting, trying and longing is worth it. I asked your dad if he had kids then, he smiled wide and proud saying:
‘I have a little boy, he’s very smart. Sometimes he’s lost in his own world, a colorful one he tells me. Some other he is lonely, he closes himself and I give him space, but I’m always around him when he’s ready to step out of his shell. So... joyful, quick learner, his soul is kind. You see, all the goods and bads that come when you have a kid are many, you’ll feel proud when you see your son or daughter growing well like I am of mine’... You really look so much like him.”
It was until the last words echoed in his mind that the tears began to roll down his cheeks, and gentle sobs shook his body as he remained laying down on the sofa. The whole day had been a roller coaster, he had no appetite, no will on doing anything yet he was shaken by the way Matt’s memory was still alive in the mind and hearts of all those people. In his own, he had took him in his life without restrains and gave him unconditional love. He’d become his dad, unlike that man that was who knew where, he was not Drew Thomson, he was Drew Hackett.
