i owe nobody any sort of explanation as to why i’ve sent in my unfollow to the main, but because this was the first group where i ever felt truly at home in a group and the first group where i ever put down roots, so to speak, i just want to leave this here just in case you’re curious
first off, it’s never been my intention to let my taylor lag or be inconsistent or go so sporadically inactive — i personally hate that, i don’t like the feeling of it and i feel like for me, when it comes to muse, that never helps (the only cure to writer’s block is to write through it), and i’m really sorry to people that i’ve maybe left hanging or anything of the sort. i love playing taylor, i love taylor in general (which is not news, lmao) and getting to write for her here has been so wonderful. fame’s been like home for me for over a year now, which is crazy, because i never thought i’d be able to stay in a group beyond 3 months, whether that was because i just lost my muse or because the group closed. i joined here on a whim thinking i’d never stay beyond a few weeks because i’d get lost in the shuffle, i wouldn’t be able to connect with anyone, etc. obviously that wasn’t the case. i spent one of the hardest years of my life in this group, after the loss of my grandma and terrible school/work experiences that drained the life out of me and feeling like my life had somewhat become a black hole. this was the place where i came online to escape myself and the world around me, where i could shake my anxiety and connect with people and have fun while flexing those creative muscles. i’ve met incredible people, had the best laughs and threads and connections ic and ooc, and i couldn’t have asked for a better playground. i’m thankful for what this group gave me. but there comes a time when you get restless and home starts to not feel like your home anymore and you’ve gotta pull a gabriella montez & go your own way.
the truth is that while i had an incredibly hard year, i also had an incredibly busy year (and am looking down the barrel of another busy year this year too, with student teaching and everything) and i am the biggest proponent that real life will always take precedence. if you’ve ever written with me you know that my famous last words are “there’s no rush! take your time! i’ll be here when you get back!” but as life has gotten busier, i feel like for me, the vibe of this place isn’t that same sentiment. this is a massive, massive group, where i personally feel like if you aren’t on/tuned in 24/7, you miss out and you do get left behind. no one’s at fault for this, i’m not trying to blame anyone individually or anything like that because #not my style and it’s #not true, that’s just my own personal pace not really coinciding with that of the group’s as a whole. i used to really love the fact this group was so big, too, because it meant you could explore, find your people, branch out as you pleased, but now the size of the group is more overwhelming than promising to me and that’s not my taste. every time i log on to taylor now, i feel disoriented and lost in the shuffle and i don’t know where to begin with her. i came very, very close to leaving back in mid-june because i was burned out to the point where the mere thought of logging on and doing replies that i had 0 passion or enthusiasm behind felt like a chore and i didn’t want to deal with that. it still feels like a chore. i caught a second wind of muse in early july but it died pretty quickly, and even on the cusp of lover, i don’t think that i have anything else to give to this group. within the last six months, i personally feel like the priorities and standards here have shifted in a direction that doesn’t align with my muse or just who i am as a writer/roleplayer. groups have to evolve and change as time goes on, that’s expected, it’s how they survive. the group’s evolved and changed in the year that i’ve joined and there’s nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t feel like the group that i joined over a year ago and it’s no longer the right fit for me. i used to tell myself to suck it up, get online and put the effort in, because that’s how you make things last and what you do when you love something, but i’m at a point now where i just don’t feel fulfilled coming online and writing in this group. again, that’s not saying that “no one wanted to plot with me” or that “i was ignored” because that literally could not be further from the truth, i have always felt so welcomed here by muns and never struggled to amass plots for taylor. i think that if you’re willing to meet people halfway, you’ll get what you want, and i have. i’m not afraid to put in the effort and i’ve had that reciprocated in spades. groups change and evolve but so do writers, and i refuse to stay in an environment where i’m plateauing. the reasons to leave outweigh the reasons to stay at this point; my real life takes the front seat over trying to revive a muse, it’s not healthy for my creativity, i feel like i’m stifling myself by sticking around in order to protect the development i’ve put into my taylor over the last year in which i’m incredibly proud of and attached to. why keep trying to strike a match you know is dead? it’s not fair to me, and it’s definitely not fair to anybody else who wants to try their hand at playing her here. rp is supposed to be fun, guys gals and nb pals. it might feel tedious at times when you have to sift through a bajillion replies, but it shouldn’t ever feel like another chore or to-do.
i really hope that whoever picks up taylor here next makes her their own and takes her all the places i didn’t get around to, or places i never could’ve thought of myself. i’ve asked the main to wipe my taylor’s history because i don’t want to dump that on someone, and frankly, i don’t want someone to take hold of what i worked really hard on creating for her. if for some reason you want to keep in touch ooc, just drop me a dm and i’m happy to swap social media handles with ‘ya!
i’ll see some of you on down the road in other groups, i’m sure, but whether we do or don’t, i hope all of your writing endeavors treat you well no matter where it is you go. lovelovelove
shifty swifty (and caroline) out. xx
