SAY SOMETHING.
SAY ANYTHING.
IT CAN BE THAT YOU HATE ME.
But don’t stay silent. He has pleaded for those three days, laced his fingers so tightly in every idle moment and wished and prayed and called upon every deity and force he can think of to grant him reprieve from this awful feeling. It was like chains had wrapped themselves around his insides, rattling echoes of the past and his mistakes, jingling the sad, melancholy tune of the girl who had stopped being, compressed his innards with an unholy pressure and weight that at times causes him to be without breath. But when she finally speaks to him, apologizes for something that in that moment, he doesn’t understand, he doesn’t know what to do, what to say, how to react.
Why are you apologizing to me when I’m the one who…
It seems too sad, he thinks. His lower tier lifts, closes briefly, and he swallows.
“… Don’t apologize. I messed up. I let my desire to move on from that day hurt you. I’m the one who should be apologizing.”
He is quiet in a different way than she is; everything seems muted to her, and yet he seems full to bursting. His is the silence before a storm and hers is the silence after. She does not know what comes next; the storm took everything. She does not know who she is if not Sora --- an empty canvas, a blank, empty thing to be used. All that is left is the memories.
Maybe that is all there ever was.
But she is not cruel, even at her most empty. The pain this child causes others is a direct result of the pain she causes herself; so rarely does she WANT to hurt anyone. Least of all him. If she could feel, she would regret the things she spat at the saviour of a boy on the bridge.
i don’t hate you. But that would be a lie, wouldn’t it? For she HAD meant it, in that moment. She had hated him, and even now some small part of her does. But, oh, so small it is.
She will have to find someone else to be. It isn’t a prospect she enjoys. Xion was born by a mother who could not love her because she could not be what she wanted and thus Xion’s entire life was spent building and breaking and reshaping herself into something worth loving. And it had been the same here. BECOME SORA AND THEY WILL LOVE YOU. But all she had done was break Ace further. She doesn’t know who Xion is. She forgot when she was small.
Maybe she isn’t meant to be loved.
“I was being stupid.” This is slightly more emphatic, though still hollow in an echoing sort of way. “I won’t --- I don’t know. I won’t try to be --- I won’t try to be him anymore.” i don’t know who else to be.
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