I dream about apologies that I will never hear and that will completely be my demise.

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@yaasuverse
I dream about apologies that I will never hear and that will completely be my demise.
Part of me hoped I was a liar. That all the screaming matches, all the insults, were something I made up.
I really hoped I was a liar.
I am 21, have never dated and apparently it's shameful and worrying, but how do you begin to explain that you're just not interested in that stuff? I'm still struggling with my mental health, and someone in my life romantically is not a priority
(Welcome to my Ted Talk)
I tried to love the way they wanted me to.
All I got in the end is hatred of myself, from myself.
can’t even joke about wishing my fics could write themselves without people mistaking it for ai usage anymore. what a lost whimsy
— James Baldwin, They Can’t Turn Back
After basically a year of not interacting with this profile and accidentally logging in again I realize that people want to read my depressing ramblings
I write poetry and prose guys, and the fact that what gets attention is one half constructed sentence is genuinely sad
After basically a year of not interacting with this profile and accidentally logging in again I realize that people want to read my depressing ramblings
Inspired by the pinned post by @versesbyaaliyah who mentioned @picklemafia and @noxnightingales
Elegy with a collapsing star
There are galaxies
That fit inside teacups-
The swirl of sugar
The way steam rises like memory
Too soft to hold.
I wished to hold you
one more time.
Andromeda I would sacrifice.
Cloud, dwarf—
galaxies formed by human hand.
Whirlpool, Antennae—
the universe's failed attempts
at poetry.
I would trade the Horsehead Nebula
for your shoulder
at 3 a.m.,
half-asleep,
not knowing you were being mourned
in real time.
Somewhere, a star is collapsing
because I said your name
too softly.
Ignorance is better than knowledge. Fools have the belief awareness is power. Awareness only brings you to your knees, questioning your own words—making even the atheist beg God for an answer. But what if the answer is silence? What if the truth is a weight too heavy to bear, a burden that crushes rather than enlightens? Perhaps ignorance is not bliss, but survival.
Autobiography in Asphalt
I think of my life as a road.
I know — not the most original metaphor. But still, it fits. Maybe too well.
Some days, it’s American — a long stretch of highway, sun-blurred and humming. I imagine myself in the passenger seat, one leg tucked under the other, windows down, everything behind me burning just softly enough not to look back.
Other days, it’s Italian — a road that curves through Tuscan hills, golden and fragrant and full of half-remembered warmth. The kind of road you slow down on. The kind that makes you wonder if maybe, just maybe, you could stay a while.
Then it turns German — sharp, orderly, fast. A part of me that craved precision, progress, a route that made sense. I followed the rules there. I moved quickly, like that might save me.
But the Swiss roads were different — high, lonely, clean. The air so crisp it tasted like childhood. That’s where I paused. That’s where the world felt far enough away that I could almost hear my own breath again.
Some roads run by the sea — gentle, sighing, salt-wet. I remember the kind of peace that smells like seafoam and sunscreen.
Some roads go straight through water — flooded, unsure, shimmering with sky. You step anyway. You don't know why.
Some roads are made of sand. They shift underfoot. You lose the path. You find it again.
Or maybe you just start walking in a new direction.
This is how the dead practice living:
one part butter,
two parts longing,
a pinch of salt
stolen from a wound
that scabbed over
years ago.
2.7 grams—
the weight of a decision
unmade.