arizona dirtbag

[yabasicbench-blog]

@kotyonokonice

One might think that after the Christmas party Eleanor would never drink again.

Nah.

She has a pretty good night, all things considered. She’s at a bar she hasn’t been to before, she doesn’t run into anyone she knows, and she ends up making out with a super hot girl before she has to run to the bathroom to be sick. The girl is gone when she reemerges, but you take what you can get.

This morning, however, is fucking brutal. She could just lay in her sweats and watch reruns, but maybe she should like, keep looking for a job since her money’s gonna run out sooner or later. 

After a quick shower, she heads out in search of coffee. Sugar and caffeine is a decent fix for a hangover, right? Right. She finds a place that’s a little too adorable, but she’ll deal. 

“Uhhh, gimme a venti mocha with an extra shot of espresso and extra whip. Oh, and extra chocolate dri-- Dude! You’re that kid from the party!”

Yuri is pretty chill. She’s old and can’t tell the age of anyone under like, 19, but she knows enough to know he’s not bad for a youth. Plus, he can really put away the vodka. 

“Hey, man, I hope you weren’t too wrecked the next day. I only left the house to get Advil, and then I didn’t move for like, 48 hours.”

[yabasicbench-blog]

a great and terrible mystery

@crowism

There are some sick people in this world. That’s reinforced for Eleanor when she wakes up and realizes that she’s been the victim of a theft.

She heads out the door and is kinda shaken up from the whole thing. Like, she’s been in jail a couple of times, so she knows how the system works. She’s had to report a creepy ex and that one guy who showed up at her apartment to offer her a carton of milk (what the fuck?) so she knows it from that perspective, too. But honestly, she’s kinda rattled. 

“Yo, Spice Boy!”

She jogs to catch up to him. He’s probably, like, doing something important, because oh, look at him, he’s always got somewhere to be because he’s so busy. Well, he’s gonna take a minute to listen to her.

“Wait up, dude! I got something important I gotta tell you. You’ve got an in with the police, right? Tell them that there is one freaky dude on the loose right now. I made sure to lock my door and my window last night, but when I woke up, all the underwear in my drawer was gone! Even the pair from the night before that I had bunched up and thrown in a corner were missing! Like, what the fuck?”

He’s probably wondering why she’s telling him all this. Well, Detective Boy, it’s because she doesn’t know where the police station is, and he’s right here. So, he’s the lucky dude who gets to listen to her woes about the perv who snagged her panties. 

Those black lacy ones were like $12, too! Shit ain’t cheap.

[yabasicbench-blog]

[fart noises]

Eleanor wakes up with one monster of a hangover (while she had avoided passing out at the party, the fact remains that she consumed a fuckton of alcohol in a single night). Her pillowcase is smudged with the remnants of yesterday’s makeup. She tries to roll over and go back to sleep, but her fucking head...

And of course, there’s no Advil or any other sort of painkiller. Can she get some water? She turns on the tap. It’s not running.

Those fuckers.

She changes out of the stupid Christmas dress and into some sweats, grabs a pair of sunglasses, and throws her disheveled hair on top of her head. She steps out onto the street, groaning at the cold and the sunlight. 

It’s drugstore time. 

[yabasicbench-blog]

nyannyangaogao‌:

Ann really shouldn’t look forward to her cheat day as much as she does, but after finally getting into a pretty rigid routine of exercise and strict dieting, her cravings for sweets only seemed to grow more voracious. And besides, even though things have slightly improved for her since connecting with friends old and new, she still had very few pleasures to look forward to in this town. And damn it, she was going to make this one count. 

This week, she had stumbled across an adorable little crepe place that she hadn’t seen before on her jogging route, and she had immediately vowed to check it out once the weekend rolled around. 

The only downside was, while she wanted to go with a friend, things didn’t work out that way. The idea of hanging out with Akechi one on one just for fun was still a little weird (and it sparked a lot of online rumors), Ryuji wasn’t into sweets, Yuri refused to cave into eating sweets… This time. And Makoto was busy. Oh well. At least she had this strawberry creme crepe to keep her company. 

But surprisingly, it looked like she was saved from enjoying her treat alone after all, for not long after she had begun eating, another customer slid on the stool next to her and eventually starting talking to her. 

“Mmn?” She fumbles for a moment, caught mid-bite before swallowing her food. Great position to get caught in public. But the woman sitting next to her didn’t seem interested in taking pictures or gushing over her, (or glaring spitefully for really, really dumb reasons), but seemed more keen on carrying a normal conversation. And Ann was more than welcome to that. 

“O-oh yeah. Well I’m not supposed to, I guess, but I’ve been good all week. Gotta treat yourself every once in a while, am I right?”

She winks conspiratorially at the older woman, who seemed to be doing well for herself. She probably should be a little less casual with an adult she just met, probably would have given the typical baa-san a heart attack, but the other blonde kind of broke down that barrier by dropping the f bomb right away.  

The model has a mouth full of crepe when Eleanor starts talking to her, and it’s kind of refreshing to see a woman not trying to be all dainty when eating. Food is fucking delicious, and there’s no way Eleanor’s gonna hold back to look “polite.” 

“Oh, totally,” Eleanor says. “I mean, I don’t hold back on treating myself any day, and you probably don’t have to worry or anything. But yeah, crepes, man.”

She squints a moment. She’s sure the girl is a model (she didn’t exactly refute the allegation), but Eleanor thinks she’s seen her face before somewhere. What tabloid was it...

“Holy shit. Aren’t you also the one rumored to be dating that Akechi kid? I gotta say, you’re way too good for him, and you should probably break up with him. Trust me, I know all about this stuff.”

[yabasicbench-blog]

@nyannyangaogao

Eleanor has always thought there are two types of people: people looking out only for themselves, and suckers. Tahani? Too gorgeous and perfect and hot  NOT to have a dark secret or two. Chidi? Just a nerd. Probably got shoved in a locker at some point. Man, what a loser she’s being, thinking about people who are probably gone from her life forever. That’s what she gets for growing to tolerate people!  

She’s... determined not to bond with anyone here. Well, maybe she wants to, but that’s dumb and stupid and will only lead to disappointment in the long run.

Shit, her mind won’t shut up lately, which is really annoying. Still ,after drunkenly arguing with two teenagers (not two of her brighter moments), she’s been trying to cut back a little on the boozing, though it’d be nice to have something to take her mind off things. Maybe she’ll try the next best thing after booze: shoving her face with delicious food.

There’s a crepe place nearby that she’s been meaning to check out, so she stops in and orders a strawberry Nutella crepe. Looking around, the food looks amazing, but unfortunately, it’s a tiny shop. She takes a seat at the counter next to a girl with blonde pigtails -- wait. She’s seen that face before, in a magazine ad. The girl can’t be older than seventeen, now that Eleanor’s seeing her un-photoshopped face, but she’s really gorgeous and probably has all the teenagers in this city eating out of the palm of her hand (side note: this place is crawling with teens).

“Yo,” she begins while she’s waiting for her food. “You’re a model, right? I saw you in some perfume ad next to a quiz on ‘what’s your hotness level?’ I didn’t take it because I already know I’m smokin’ hot. Anyways, I didn’t think models ate crepes, which would suck, because crepes are fucking delicious.”

[yabasicbench-blog]

crowism‌:

“Obnoxious and condescending… Is that how I come off to you…?” Your eyes widen in shock at her words.

But you’re not shocked. You’re doing this entirely and utterly on purpose.

Sure, sometimes you slip into it without realizing. Sometimes you don’t know how your words come across until you get an unsavory reaction. But, sometimes you are entirely and willfully a spiteful asshole. This is one of those times.

You laugh lightly as if you don’t take offense to her words. “Perhaps it’s one of those issues you noticed about me.” You offer another psuedo-polite smile.

“Still, I believe in doing what’s right from the beginning, instead of only correcting it once you’ve been caught.”

She’s still 99% sure he’s fucking with her. She knows all about fake surprise. 

“It probably is, bud,” she says, voice laced with sarcasm. His next comment, though, sends her on a whirlwind trip to flashback city. The dude probably thinks she’s completely void of ethics, going by... all of her behavior since he’s met her. Which is an admittedly fair conclusion! She’s been her completely selfish self, probably in part because she’s swallowed a large dose of nihilism since being put here, because, like, fuck it. The circumstances she’s been shoved into are what have pushed her back into being a bad person, really. 

“Doing what’s right?” she asks, crossing her arms and eyeing him skeptically. “Okay, but what if I believe in doing what’s right for me at all times, because that’s what everyone does? Why should I behave any differently? Like, if you’ve ever been to America, everyone basically does whatever they want. You steamroller other people to make more money than them, and you do whatever you can so you can look down on someone else like, at least that’s not me! It’s great.”

[yabasicbench-blog]

crowism‌:

“Hahaha, I’m glad to hear that, miss.”

Ace detective Goro Akechi, making people pay their early morning bar tabs since 2k18. Or something. Whatever.

You stand around as she waves the man down and shoves money at him. He seems to have some displeased words for her, but is relieved he at least got paid.

When he heads back on his way, you’re still smiling.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it? Probably would have been even easier had you not tried to skip out on paying to begin with, though.”

There. She just wasted some money because a dumbass kid made her feel bad. 

At the same time, though, she doesn’t regret it. Guilt sucks.

Anyways, back to the kid. Does he realize how annoying he is? Like, there’s gotta be people who tell him that, right? She can’t be the only one who has to remind herself, don’t punch him in the face. Don’t punch him in the face.

She doesn’t punch him in the face, so another point for Eleanor right there. 

“Okay, so, do you try to be as obnoxious and condescending as possible, or do you just not realize you’re doing it?”

Maybe she lost that point she earned right there, but to be fair, everything she said was true. 

[yabasicbench-blog]

nomoruleskidd‌:

“Dead? Has denial made you delirious or somethin’? What the hell are you on?” She seems to be genuine in her thinking, and that troubles him. The thought of this place being some kinda shitty afterlife hadn’t occurred to him but…Ann and Akechi and the others were here, and they all knew different shit so they couldn’t be dead. Cause, like, he was alive when Yusuke joined their group even if this Yusuke doesn’t know it so… 

“I hate to break it to you but we ain’t dead, and this ain’t some sorry excuse of an afterlife. Sure it’s shitville but it ain’t hell.” He shakes his head and takes a small step back. This lady has totally lost it, probably cause being here makes people feel crazy, which he can sympathize with a little. Still that ain’t no reason to go poking at his soft spots. 

“I sure as hell have, what do you know anyway, I bet you’ve only made out with shitty guys who were drunk out of their minds.” He snips back. 

So, he doesn’t know anything about the whole death situation. She considers trying to explain the whole afterlife thing, but at the same time, she’ll just end up sounding wacko, even if everything that happened to her totally happened.

“Yeah, whatever, dude.”

She waves her hand dismissively. Aaaaand, he’s back to his sore spot. She should be a mature adult and let it go, but she can’t let this kid just insinuate that she doesn’t totally have game.

“I know a lot more than you do, man. I’ve made out with shitty drunk dudes, yeah, but I’ve also dated people who thought I was pretty hot shit. There was Cody Baker in high school -- I broke his heart. Miranda Dreyson was a total hottie, and she and I even went on one of those gross movie dates that are super awkward because it’s not like you can talk during a movie so you’re just kind of sitting next to each other cramming popcorn into your faces. I dunno, there were lots of people whose names I don’t remember.”

She shrugs. “Anyways, I’m going off on a tangent, but the point is, even if you shared a straw with some girl and count that as a kiss, that doesn’t mean you know the least bit about dating. I know all about what people find attractive, and uh.” She gestures at him. “This ain’t it.”

[yabasicbench-blog]

andthatsthepiss‌:

His sneer twitches slightly as the woman continues her tirade, the smallest of voices in the back of his head whispering that she had a point. As obnoxious as she was, he did take the retaliation to the next level. And for what? For some false sense of superiority? One would think that this would make him shape up and apologize for damage he had caused, maybe even offer to pay for dry cleaning or replacement clothes.

But then, one wouldn’t know Leone Abbacchio. So instead of doing that, he opted to double down with the taunting. 

Or at least he would if the woman hadn’t begun to strip in public. 

A choked sound escapes him as she begins to unbutton her her shirt, not that the wine soaked cloth was leaving much to the imagination to begin with. It didn’t help that her loud exclamation of perv had drawn even more attention to the squabbling pair, and a giant, shady looking man hulking over a smaller woman with a stained seethrough shirt? Not the best implications to be drawn. 

“What are you doing?” He hisses, hands flying forward without thinking to yank her shirt shut. And he realizes a second too late that this is a horrible idea. 

“Yooo, what the fuck?!”

“Hey, get your hands off of her!”

“Dude, someone call the cops!” 

He yanks his hands back as if he’d been burned, shoving his hands into his pockets, and immediately turns tail and shoves past any bystanders or would be heroes moving in to apprehend him. Luckily his build is enough to push them aside as he makes a beeline for the exit. Abort mission. This was a terrible idea and he was never leaving his shithole apartment ever again, end of story, fuck everything. 

As always, she doesn’t know why she’s like this. She doesn’t have the excuse of being drunk. She wanted to make a scene, wanted to retaliate and make the man uncomfortable (and maybe a little disappointed that he’d never be able to hit this). But instead, he looks at her with utter horror and reaches for her blouse, but despite how it looks, he’s trying to stop her. 

Ha, dude just got what was comin’ to him! is what she’d like to think, but instead, she feels... guilty. She tried to make herself feel better by being a dick to someone else, he retaliated, and then she escalated things to the next damn level. Sure, goth man’s not faultless in this, but he’s right about Eleanor acting like a kid throwing a tantrum. You keep trying to one up people, and what happens is you both end up feeling miserable. 

She sighs and leaves a decent tip before grabbing her coat. “Nothing to see here, guys. Nothing happened.” The bartender just watches, wide-eyed. Dude couldn’t even throw in a word for goth man’s reputation? Well, she shouldn’t talk.

She’s not gonna go after the guy after everything that happened. Why does she feel so bad? He’s the one who spilled drinks all over her for a small petty comment. Damn Chidi and all his ethics shit! 

It’s snowing outside. Wet and shivering and miserable, she makes her way to her new home.

[yabasicbench-blog]

nomoruleskidd‌:

She steps in closer and he’s tempted to take a step back, not really liking how up in his space she suddenly is. Still, he holds his ground and his scowl, shoving his hands further into his pockets as she insults him. 

Okay, yeah sure he was a gangly kid, but like, really? Wasn’t she supposed to be an adult or some shit? God this is why he ‘effing hates adults. They think they can tell him what to do and shit just cause he’s a ‘kid’. Disgusting. The bit about a first kiss stings a little though. He’d never really been popular, and then all that shit with Kamoshida had gone down and with it went any hopes of a girlfriend. He clicks his tongue and then spits to the side, seriously irked now. 

“I said,” He starts again, moving to get right in her face, “That maybe you’re the one that could use a damn treadmill, gettin’ old takes its tolls doesn’t it, sure you might be hot shit now or somethin’ but give it another year of whatever the hell shitty life you’re livin’…” he trails of with a shrug, “Who knows if you’ll even be able to get on a treadmill.” 

“And for your information I’ve kissed plenty of girls,” he adds, over-emphasizing plenty. 

She should just walk away. A voice that sounds suspiciously like Chidi is telling her just that. Honestly, that’s been the constant background noise for every shitty decision she’s made since coming here. But Chidi’s not here, none of the people that she’s grudgingly grown to care about for the first time in her existence are here, and she doesn’t give a rat’s ass anymore. She’ll ignore the endless void inside of her by verbally dunking on a teenager if she wants to, dammit!

“So, you admit that I’m hot shit now,” she smirks. “Good thing I don’t have to worry about getting old, since we’re already DEAD!”

Is he dead? Eleanor assumes so, since she’s dead. It’s a shame Janet isn’t working right.

His last bit about kissing “plenty” of girls broadens her smug grin. She’s struck a nerve there, hasn’t she? “Sure you have, buddy. Posters on your wall don’t count, you know.”

[yabasicbench-blog]

crowism‌:

yabasicbench‌:

She says she wasn’t trying to rile you up, but you don’t see any reason for her to claim to see through your bullshit except to do so. What did she think it would accomplish? Whatever, you’re not going to waste your time trying to understand it. You keep up your polite smile.

And, on cue, she turns to see who you’re talking about. And just like you suspected, she starts freaking out again. From her fumbling, it sounds like she left without paying the tab. How pathetic.

“Oh? But I was just about to ask you what you think I’m hiding under the ‘bullshit’ you claim to see through. You are entitled to your own beliefs, of course, but I was rather intrigued to hear about your conjectures.”

It’s not entirely a lie. You figure whatever she thinks about you would be amusing at worst, but mostly, you just want to see what happens if that bar keeper finds her.

“If he was lying, all you would have to do is pay your tab, correct? I assume you originally planned to buy your own drinks anyways.”

He is so pretentious and obnoxious and stuck up and “Oh, look at me, I’m so intrigued to hear about your conjectures.” Who the fuck talks like that? 

Besides, she’s pretty sure he’s mocking her, which is super rude. She probably shouldn’t tell someone affiliated with the police that she totally was planning to skip out on her tab all along. Of course, the little shit seems like he’s already got her figured out.

Amidst the mimosa haze, a voice tells her that she should go pay for her drinks. She’d been making progress towards being a better person, despite herself, but what’s the point anymore if it’s not about trying to stay in the Good Place? But it became about more than that, didn’t it? She started not wanting to see her stupid “friends” getting all distressed because of her.

Well. No friends here, so it doesn’t matter, right? Right?

“Ugh, fine! I’ll go pay my stupid tab!” She narrows her eyes at Akechi. “Not because of anything you said. Loads of people skip out on their bills, but I’m gonna be a sucker and go pay for those shitty watered-down drinks!” 

Eleanor takes out her wallet and grabs a fistful of bills. She then waves at the irate bartender. “Hey, dude! It’s me you’re looking for, right?”

[yabasicbench-blog]

nomoruleskidd‌:

Today was already kind of a sucky day: Ryuji didn’t have any food at home, not even cup noodles, and he barely had any money left after all his eating out. Feeling down, and mostly hungry, he’d decided to go for a run to distract himself. Sure it was cold as hell, and he was under-dressed in his hoodie for a jacket, but running always made him feel better.

Hood pulled up he’s watching the ground as he goes, oblivious to his surroundings, and so he nearly barrels into some lady just standing around like a dumbass. He manages to side step in the last second but it throws him off balance and he trips forward, fortunately wheeling his arms to regain his footing so he doesn’t fall on his face.

And then she starts telling him off. Ugh could this day get any worse. He rolls his eyes and shoves his hands in his pockets as he turns to face her, stomping over. 

“Yeah, well maybe you shouldn’t be standing around like an ‘effin moron. If you don’t like the cold go the hell inside! Ever think of that?” He looks her over, “Maybe you’re the one that could use a treadmill, lady.”

While he had just said that…on second glance if she weren’t so damn rude she might be kinda cute, he thinks, but he’s not in the mood right now. Not to mention he’s still hungry as hell and it’s making him even more irritable.

“Well, I was in the middle of walking somewhere to get out of the cold!” she yells back.

And then, he says it. The thing you’re never supposed to say to a woman.

Ohhhhh, this brat.

“What the fuck did you just say to me?” She steps closer. “Actually, it doesn’t matter what you said, because I know I’m a total hottie, and I’ve gotten more action from guys and girls and everyone than you could ever hope to get in your life.You’re just a gangly, bow-legged kid who probably hasn’t even had his first kiss yet.”

[yabasicbench-blog]

andthatsthepiss‌:

Abbacchio simply folds his arms and watches as the woman goes into a tirade. He was originally planning on ignoring her and leaving, but he does feel at least a small amount of satisfaction of rubbing her nose in it. Though, her response is a little lackluster compared to the projectile silverware and pocket knives he was used to when their in group clashed. How disappointing.

“If it was such a trivial offense, maybe you shouldn’t have bragged about it in the first place.” He responds cooly. “If you’re going to act like a bratty child, then you deserve to be treated in kind.”

She should just let him go back to wherever it is that he goes to hide from sunlight, but she’s tired, grumpy, and a lot more sober than she was hoping to be by now. She turns back to the bartender, who’s eyeing the pair warily. “Scratch the margarita, just gimme a double shot of tequila.” She slides over a few bills and turns back to Gerard Way.

“Listen here, dude,” she begins, pointing her finger for emphasis and nearly jabbing him in the tits. “You don’t know all the shit that’s happened to me today. Besides, if some little comment is gonna get your balls in a knot to the point where you waste your own damn wine, that’s pretty damn pathetic. Not to mention, it’s like, negative 20 out there, and since I’m drenched I’m probably going to freeze to death. Thanks!”

She’s probably proving his point. Honestly, she has no idea why she’s like this (she doesn’t even have the excuse of being drunk yet). The bartender tentatively hands her the shot, and she downs it in one gulp.

God, her clothes are getting uncomfortable. “You know what?” She takes off her coat and starts unbuttoning her shirt. “Is this what you were hoping would happen, you perv?”

[yabasicbench-blog]

humanshapedgoogle‌:

yabasicbench‌:

Okaaay. So, Janet, the all-knowing robot lady, doesn’t know where they are, either.  Somehow, that doesn’t seem like a great sign.

“Fuckoville, huh? What a dumb name.”

Eleanor is really starting to be weirded out by all this.

“So, you’re telling me you have no idea why we’re here. Aren’t you supposed to be omniscient or something?”

“My realm of knowledge has been restricted by the laws of this place. So far, all the information I’ve tried to access has been unavailable – oh wait!”

“I can tell you that we are standing in front of a ‘library’. A library is a source of information!”

She nods once.

Eleanor inhales and closes her eyes. “So, what exactly does it mean that you’ve been restricted by the laws of this place? I’m guessing that means we’re no longer in the Good Place?”

Eleanor guesses she should try not to be too frustrated with Janet, who is helpful and trying her best. That’s what all those dead philosophers would say, right? Well, a lot of them. Then again, Janet is basically a computer, and who doesn’t yell at their computer when it isn’t working right?

“Yeah, great job, Janet. I can see that it’s a library. Really hittin’ it out of the park!” She groans. “I mean, if you want to go look at shelves and shelves of dusty books in hopes that maybe one will have some kind of clue about where we’re at, be my guest.” She plops down on a bench outside the library and sighs. “Lemme know if you find anything, I guess.”

[yabasicbench-blog]

crowism‌:

Ah, now she’s throwing a fit. That checks out. At least she stopped trying to go any further, and instead just seems offended that she just had her ass verbally handed to her by the “kid” she said she’d refuse to listen to.

You laugh lightly in response to her going off.

“I do like to believe I am pretty clever, yes. It wasn’t just my looks that got me on TV, after all.” You wink for added effect.

“But, I am afraid you will have to try harder to rile me up, if that’s your goal. Since you claim to know all about my potential issues, you should well know that heckling from a drunk is pretty tame.”

You cross your arms and shift your weight to one foot as you notice someone looking purposeful and angry busting out of the bar that this woman had just exited.

“Hmm… On the topic of other people’s issues, though… Do you suppose that bar keeper is looking for someone…?”

She rolls her eyes as dramatically as possible when he gives a theatrical wink. God, you hate people like him. 

“Dude, I’m not trying to rile up or anything. I’m just telling you that you can pretend like you’ve got everything going for you all you want, but I see through your bullshit!” 

She’d probably be a little more eloquent if she weren’t a little smashed. Speaking of her morning escapades...

She turns and follows his gaze to the very, very familiar bartender. And... that’s her cue to leave.

“Oh, man, I have no idea. Shit, this creepy dude getting hammered on whisky said he was gonna pay for my drinks -- you don’t think he was lying, do you? Anyways, I just remembered I’ve got to pick up a coat from the dry cleaners, and I think they, uh, close early today, so I’ll see you later.”

[yabasicbench-blog]

@nomoruleskidd

In the running tally of “where the fuck is this, anyways,” Eleanor has mentally added “cold as tits” as a point in favor for this being the Bad Place. On the other hand, though, it’s “probably not Florida or Arizona,” so maybe that balances things out? 

Only slightly related, but is there anything more annoying than joggers, especially people who run in the winter? The last time Eleanor saw a doctor (who unfortunately was old and definitely not anything like the sexy beasts on Gray’s Anatomy) she heard the whole spiel about “getting exercise that wasn’t dancing on tables or trying to climb the 7-11″ and “not drinking so much because her habits were going to destroy her liver.” Well, neither of those things ended up killing her, so suck it, doc!

Back to runners being annoying. Okay, Eleanor can appreciate a muscular bod, but can’t people go to like, a gym or something? Dumb showoffs. Then there’s also the issue of dumbasses not looking where they’re going. Some kid nearly collides with Eleanor, some idiot going for a jog when it’s like negative ten degrees out or whatever, and she’s not just going to let that slide.

“Hey, dude! What the fuck? Watch where you’re going next time, or maybe find a treadmill so you’re not running outside in the cold like some weirdo!”

[yabasicbench-blog]

crowism‌:

From what you can tell, that lady just walked out of a bar, at 11am on a Wednesday, and bee-lined straight over to this crime scene where you’re working.

Usually, you blatantly ignore nosy pedestrians in favor of the more important things you have to do, but right now you’re waiting for the police to finish… whatever they’re doing. They essentially told you to wait with no good explanation, and you’re already slightly annoyed about them brushing you off.

So, you guess you can try to discourage this woman from coming closer. Maybe she’d seen something. You approach with your smile.

She doesn’t even allow you to open your mouth.

You wait until she’s done. Your smile doesn’t even flicker. You’re seething.

“Haha, you did manage to guess what I was going to say, but luckily for you, it’s not my job to enforce the perimeter. It’s theirs.” You nod towards the larger man and buff woman chatting a few yards away. You would just have to call out to get their attention.

“So, I will offer you the courtesy of suggesting that you return to drinking your day away, while we work to clean up and solve this ‘juicy drama,’ as you so inaptly described it.”

He gestures at the officers, and Eleanor grimaces. The woman is kind of hot, but getting arrested isn’t exactly the kind of thing that leads to a steamy hookup. Besides, she’s not going to fuck around with the law. It would take more than a few mimosas for her to get in that kind of trouble.

So, she backs off a little bit, but she’s also not going to just let some brat talk down to her like that. “You think you’re so clever, don’t you? Just because you’re on tv and everyone wants to talk to you. Oooh, it’s Akechi, the amazing detective! Well, I’ve seen you doing interviews and telling your dumb nerdy jokes, and I’m telling you, I know your game. You may act all cute and innocent, but there’s no way a kid like you working with the police doesn’t have a fuckton of issues.”

She knows all about “issues.”