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Processing

Hard having to process that we actually walked away from each other.

Photo Credit It’s over. There’s the moment of realization. Alright, we’re doing this. It hurts. He walks away. There’s the crying and getting on separate plans. It’s over. Day one of processing. Feeling awful. I feel awful. I can’t find my purpose today. I want to talk. Day two of processing. Feeling sick. I close my door and it hits me again. I just feel guilty for not being happy. I feel…

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Okay? Maybe Not.

Photo Credit I am okay, I am okay, I repeat to myself. Cold air rattles through me and I am a ghost of myself. Hollow and aimless, a sea of faces swarms past me and I am blind. Blind to it all. I am not okay but I tell myself I am. Blinking tears past, I laugh with others, sounding vacant and ever so far away. My plate is full and I can’t eat, the stench of food rising up like a pile of horse…

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Heavy

Photo Credit My brain is So bloody heavy That I cannot help But realize how Hurt I am. It feels as if There is a Boulder of Burdens laying On my head As I fight To breathe. It physically Pains me To let my brain Wander in its Own path For it’ll lead To misery And headaches When I Realize how Hurt I am. Life’s a Bitch And it’ll tear You apart At every moment If you let it Burden you with These…

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She's Gone

She’s Gone

Photo Credit I’m starting to lose the memories I have of her. But, I remember the little things. The pain she inflicted on me by walking away. The little details of her face, The birthmark that was under her eye, The way her mouth moved when she smirked, The way her eyes glowed when she was happy, Her nose wrinkling whenever she was mad, Her eyes widening when she saw a cute dog. I’m starting to…

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Goodbyes Are Never Easy

Photo Credit Goodbyes are never easy. He kissed me one last time, And walked away. I walked in the opposite direction, Without my heart, For it had left with him. My lips taste like him. But he’s not here anymore. My eyes see him. But he’s not here anymore. My body wants him. But he’s not here anymore. When we have each other, We have everything. When we don’t have each other, We have nothing.…

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Nothing Left But Memories

Photo Credit I never asked for this. I never asked to fall in love with you. I never asked to want to spend time with you. I never asked to be hurt. I never wanted this. I never wanted someone else. I never wanted to let someone in. I never wanted to be hurt. Your name leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Your name brings back rough jagged memories. Your name threatens a waterfall of tears. Your…

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Humari Kahani

Photo Credit Humari kahani abhi phuri nahi ha. Our story is still not finished. Humari kahani abhi likhne waale ha. Our story still needs to be written. Humari kahani abhi adhuri hai. Our story is still uncomplete. Kabhi, acha din hota te. Sometimes there were good days. Kabhi, bura din hota te. Sometimes there were bad days. Magar, hum ek saath hota tein. But, we’d always be together. Humari…

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Not My Responsibility

Photo Credit “He’s sleeping with another woman.” “I’m sorry.” “If he’s done it once, he’s bound to do it again.” I spent countless, Hours, days, weeks, months Trying to figure out Where I had messed up, To no avail. Maybe I was too much. Maybe I wasn’t enough. It was later that I’d learn, It was not my fault, It was not I who had fallen for another woman, It was not I who was led astray, It was…

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Damaged Goods - An Open Letter To The Man Who Broke Me

Damaged Goods – An Open Letter To The Man Who Broke Me

Photo Credit You’re damaged goods, You’re broken, And no one is ever Going to want you. Your words echo in my head. They consume my every being, even now months later. They shape my action because you made me believe they were the ultimate truth. Your words are a broken glass panel with jagged rough ends that pierce my mind tearing it apart. As the blood flows from my mind, often a river’s worth…

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Yaar Nu Milagi Aaj Laash Yaar Di

Photo Credit Yaar nu milagi aaj laash yaar di. A friend will find the body of a friend today. Aur woh laash khaali hogi andaar se. And that body will be empty from the inside. Kyun ki is dunya ne usko leliya. Because this world has taken him away. On the inside, He’s broken From this world And it’s harsh endeavors. On the outside, He’s gasping for Air as his Lungs give in To this world. On…

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I Used To Think Love Was Beautiful Photo Credit I used to think love was beautiful. I used to think love was fulfilling. …

You Left Me

Photo Credit You left me, For someone else. What did she have? What was it that led you astray? You left me, For her ams. And now, I’m left to question my self worth. You left me, Heartbroken and alone, Crying over a man, Who did not know what he had, And did not appreciate me. You left me, And I grew into, A woman whom I am deeply Proud of, a Survivor. You left me, And suddenly, I knew what It…

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You're My Sanctuary

You’re My Sanctuary

Photo Credit Mujh ko teri mohabbat ki pannah chaahiye. I want the sanctuary of your love. Tum meri zindagi ki khushi baan rahe ho. You’re becoming the happiness of my life. Kabhi tujhe dekh ko mujhe khushi aati hain. Sometimes seeing you makes me happy. Aur kabhi boora din aata hain. And sometimes bad days arrive. Aur mujhe tum dikhti hoon roshni mein. And I see you in the light. Kyun ke tum haar…

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Breakdowns

Photo Credit Theres a special kind of breakdown that causes you to stop. You dont end up crying and throwing things at walls, or wanting to stab someone or to hurt yourself, you dont even feel afraid. Numb is just not the right word because youre still so full of emotion yet somehow void. Just the endless tides of your mind ebbing and flowing and the mood swings are built and lulled by some…

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It All Begins To Take A Toll

Photo Credit It’s all beginning to … Take a toll, Seem like too much, Lose it’s value. Why am I still living this life? I do it for my loved ones, So as not to seem selfish. I could not leave my family, Behind mourning such a death. We fight on like soldiers On a battlefield Hoping it’ll be over And we can return home Soon, to a place That seems to Have no pain, And where we’re happy. But then…

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First Night In Captivity

Photo Credit At any instant, I find myself reliving the moments, including all of the mental and physical effects. It as if my body and brain have stepped back into a tunnel of darkness and have gotten stuck. I awoke to find him laying next to me, on the cold hard ground. He was staring at my face as I awoke and let out a sigh of relief upon realizing I was alive. He used my name, asked how I…

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Layers to Loving Me

Photo Credit There are layers to loving me. On the surface, There are the Hidden laughs, Unsaid words, Sarcastic comments, And most importantly The easily hidden Little things. As you begin to undress me, You will find, A wall, Trust issues, Abandonment issues, Rough and ragged insides. It will be awfully difficult To love me. You must accept The eventual mission Of fixing everything Slowly, Time…

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