Yadriel Garcia @yadriel-garcia - Tumblr Blog

Text: Going to make myself a little fire on the beech Saturday evening. You could join and keep a friend company.

Yadriel: Evening bonfire at the beach?Yadriel: Count me in. Everything ok?

stormyxoceanxblue‌:

Yeah, Yadriel definitely understood Ocean, and likewise Ocean felt like he understood Yadriel in turn. The two men seemed to be very different, but at the same time they were similar in a lot of ways too, this being one of them, and that was comforting to Ocean. “Thank you for talking to me about this and for…well, just being you I guess,” he said to Yadriel. “It’s nice knowing that there are other people - or at least one other person - who feels the same way. It makes me feel like less of a freak.” He appreciated Yadriel’s advice, and it really did help, but he still had his worries. But there was comfort too: “At least I know you’re not going to leave me in the dust,” he said, smiling at his new friend. Did that seem flirty? Ocean wondered, and he likewise wondered if he had meant it that way. But it was too late to take it back now, and Ocean decided to just go with it.

Surprised, Ocean asked, “Really? I mean, I know that they couldn’t move here without pre-approval, but even visit? I guess that makes sense.” He’d been worried that Steven would find him and come here under the guise of visiting one of the residents, but it sounded like it was more difficult than that. “I worry that he’d assume a fake identity or something,” Ocean told Yadriel. “I don’t even know if that’s something he would do, but once I got the fear in my head, I couldn’t shake it.” There was another fear that Ocean had too, and he felt almost embarrassed to admit it, but he decided to because he felt like he could trust Yadriel with this secret. “I’m scared about going home to visit,” he confessed. “I don’t want to run into him or something, especially alone because he’ll make me feel weak or like a failure or something. That’s what he does. It’s almost like he doesn’t even have to try.” Steven was probably a sociopath, which would explain a lot about the effect he had on Ocean, even still. Nodding, Ocean agreed with what Yadriel was saying about affection, and something else Yadriel had said piqued his interest: “You live in the Salt Flats?” Ocean asked, surprised. He had just assumed that someone like Yadriel would live in the villas or Mermaid’s Walk. “I live there too,” Ocean told the other man, and then he told him his apartment number, wondering if he lived close. “I’m there a lot,” he said. “I like to go up to the roof too at night to look at the stars at night, or sometimes when I just need to think. You should try it sometime. It’s nice.”

"Ah, you don’t have to thank me for that. It’s basic human decency. I might look like an asshole, but I’m not that bad,” he joked, chuckling quietly. Yadriel didn’t read Ocean as having come off too flirty, or even anywhere near that. In fact, if he’d been flirty, Yadriel probably missed it. He was used to much less subtlety about it from everyone else. “And more on that, you’re not a freak. I don’t think you are, you’re a perfectly normal human being, so stop thinking that,” he mused. Ocean seemed surprised by Yadriel’s revelation that everyone was heavily vetted before coming into the island. “Yes, even for visiting. They’ve got to get registered through whoever it is they’re visiting. It’s not a commercial island, so it’s not like we get people who vacation here a few days and fly back. It’s a private island,” he explained.

Yadriel frowned a little when Ocean revealed that he was afraid to go home and visit because of this guy. “It sounds like you’ve got a long road ahead of you for recovering from this guy. But I hope he gets the hint and starts giving you more space, and eventually moves on with his life. You deserve to feel safe, and not have to look over your shoulder constantly, fearing he’ll be there,” he said, shaking his head lightly. There was nothing Yadriel could do about the guy outside of the island, but at least here, he could play the bad guy over the phone.

When asked about living in the Salt Flats, Yadriel nodded. “I live in a two story loft apartment. It’s pretty comfortable. And it’s not like I’m home all that much, but you’re welcome to swing by any time if you’re bored or if this clown starts calling again. It looks like you live a few floors above me. But you know what? I’ve never actually gone up on the roof. It’s nice, you say? I might have to check it out sometime.”

#c: Ocean

monetxportier‌:

“I have my moments.” Monet smiled coyly but the underlying tone of mischief was there. Not that he ever went out of his way to be purposely terrible to others but…well, he couldn’t take the higher road all the time.

“Ah. You’re the King Pimp.” He remarked after the other male revealed his trade. “Well…not to imply you’re running some sort of cesspool operation. You and your guys make paradise a little nicer.” He paused for a few beats. “I’m a bartender and dancer. Making decent money but can’t lie and say I never thought of adding more to my account if I became a professional sex worker. It’s just moving from working a dance pole to a meat one.”

Yadriel smirked when Monet called him King Pimp and he shook his head lightly. He wasn’t wrong, exactly, the incorrect connotations were till hard to ignore. “Hey, I mean. If you’re feeling it, we’ve always got more room in our ranks. And you’re not always necessarily on a ‘meat pole’. Sometimes the boys just get hired out to be arm candy, or a plus one for just regular activities. Although yes, sex is still the major reason why the boys get hired out. I just make sure no one’s overstepping with ‘em and everyone’s having a good time,” he said, shrugging lightly.

“But bartending and dancing sound fun. I was a bartender for a couple of years in New York. You see a lot of shit behind that counter. I imagine it’s a lot different here than in Manhattan, but I know the line of work. Did you do bartending out there in the real world?” he asked curiously, wondering a little about what had brought Monet over.

#c: Monet

yourpersonalbattlefield‌:

When the blinds opened, Carter’s eyes finally popped open, shielding himself with his hand as he squinted. He recognized the voice, it wasn’t Gray. Gray would have been a lot less gentle getting him up, hangover was an understatement. His mind was still swimming, headache in full force, the light immediately hurt his eyes as the window opened. What time was it? He had no idea where his phone was, he had gone out last night. He knew that much, gotten pretty fucked up too. He had been a lot lately, his attempt to drink less for Gray had gone, well okay at first, but struggling with the idea of a budding relationship and his own personal demons, well it ended with him drinking fairly heavily. Crossfaded last night and a few nights this week.

He heard the comments from Yadriel, but with the pain in his forehead it took him a bit to comprehend what his boss was actually saying to him, “Fuck. Did I? Sorry man. I just…got a little crazy last night. Sorry for fucking up.” He said as he turned away from the window, not looking at Yadriel or the window now. His nude form wrapped up in blankets that he tried to pull over his head to shut out the light some as his head throbbed, “Just a fuck up. Won’t happen again, Sir.” He said with a suck in of his breath, that wasn’t entirely true but Carter was doing his best to not think too hard right now.

Yadriel opened the shutters to let fresh air in, then pulled the curtains down to block out some of the sun. He wasn’t a completely cruel man, after all. Carter was finally stirring, offering up lame excuses about getting crazy and fucking up. This wasn’t like Carter at all. “Since when do you fuck around getting drunk like this?” he asked. “Hold that thought.” Yadriel walked out of the bedroom, going to the kitchen and fetching a bottle of water before walking back in and setting it on the night stand next to Carter. He then found a chair in the corner of the room and sat down on it, resting a shin over his knee and folding his hands a little.

“I came here to check up on you because you missed work, and that worried me. That’s not like you. I know you don’t normally drink like this, but I’ve been seeing a change in you, and now all of this just kind of confirms it. Something’s going on, and I wanna know what it is. This is affecting you, and I’m invested in you, Carter. Yes, I care about the Pearl, but my priority is you guys. It’s not like this place ain’t rich enough already. So tell me what’s going on and please do us both a favor and spare me bullshit. You and I both know I can smell it a mile away.”

#c: Carter

xander-davis‌:

Xander followed Yadri and blushed. He had thought at best he’d get to put his head in the other’s lap on the couch, but this was worlds better. Crawling into the bed, Xander rested his head on the other’s shoulder, curling up by his side. One of his legs hooked over Yadri’s and it only took a few seconds before Xander was entirely pressed against the other, making himself comfortable.

“Better… I’m just tired. I feel like a bit of an idiot for trying to sleep with you like that.” He looked up, his cheeks a soft pink. “I mean I’ve always thought you were hot and wanted you to fuck me, but tonight was just a bit embarrassing.” He gave a soft laugh, pressing his face against the other’s chest, still feeling all kinds of embarrassed over how he had acted earlier that night. He had always used sex as a way to make himself feel wanted, but tonight it had failed spectacularly.

Yadriel scooted in and pulled Xander a little closer, wrapping his arm around the other until they got settled in and comfortable. He understood the importance of physical touch and needing to be held. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t need that himself from time to time. He smiled when Xander said he was feeling better, despite feeling tired.

“You’re not an idiot, Xan,” Yadriel said, his gaze drifting up to the ceiling as his hand rested on the other’s arm. He smirked when Xander confessed he’d always wanted Yadriel to fuck him and he glanced down at the younger man beside him. “I’m not gonna tell you to stop feeling embarrassed, cause that’s not up to me. Maybe it wasn’t the best approach tonight. I think you’re attractive, too, don’t get me wrong. But I’m not gonna fuck you when I know you’re going through it and need to heal. It’d be shitty for me to take advantage of your vulnerability. When you’re in a good place mentally and emotionally, that’s a whole other story.”

#c: Xander

stormyxoceanxblue‌:

Ocean didn’t resent his friends for having lives and other people they wanted to spend time with. It made total sense. Sometimes though he worried that they would leave him behind when they realized how little he had to offer them. As he listened to Yadriel, Ocean understood exactly what he was saying. “Everyone moves so fast,” he agreed. “I don’t…even before Steven, I wasn’t like that, but especially now I just can’t go at the same speed. So I feel like I’m just running to catch up, but I never will.” This wasn’t something Ocean had really talked about before, and he was surprised to realize how much it really bothered him. “You’re the first person I’ve met here who I think moves at the same speed,” Ocean said. It wasn’t like he felt as though his other friends put pressure on him to do things, not even Carter or Sahar, who he had actually done things with. But Ocean always felt like he was running, so it was nice to just…stop for a little bit. “I always worry people are going to give up on me if I don’t keep pace with them,” he told Yadriel sadly.

When Yadriel leaned into the hug, Ocean felt better and was able to enjoy it more - the man was a great hugger. “I will,” Ocean promised, “though hopefulyl you scared him enough to leave me alone.” Then he sighed, saying, “It probably wasn’t though. He doesn’t like to lose and doesn’t give up. I just hope he doesn’t find out where I am and comes here.” He was glad when Yadriel confirmed that he liked to hug, and Ocean told him, “I’ve always been a physical person; I think it’s nice to show affection that way.” As if to prove it, he reached over and rested his hand gently on Yadriel’s forearm, just smiling at him.

“See, you get me. Instant gratification everywhere. It’s all about physical attraction and the here and now. I mean, look, I get it. I really do. Life is short. Nobody wants to waste time with someone who might disappoint them in the long run. But I’d rather be single than speed date or have constant one night stands. Sex is good. But I’m not so deprived of it or so undersexed that I NEED to have it right away. Hell, I could just rent out one of the guys at the Pearl if that was the case,” he mused, wrinkling his nose a little and smiling at Ocean. “If I click with someone, it makes it more rewarding when and if we do sleep together. It means something, I guess,” he said, shrugging lightly. Yadriel smiled when Ocean said they moved at the same speed and nodded. “It’s good to step out of your comfort zone and jog a little once in a while, but you shouldn’t feel like you’re constantly under this pressure to be regarded a certain way. I know you’re young and it seems like everyone’s gonna leave you in the dust, but that’s not always gonna be the case.”

Ocean told him that Steven wasn’t the kind of person to give up pestering so easily, and Yadriel shook his head again. “If he were to find out you were here, I’d personally kick his ass and get him kicked out. Regardless, nobody comes here without pre-approval, so I think you’re safe. I live in the Salt Flats, so if I’m not at the Pearl or visiting around, you can usually find me there. Or listening to the lounge music here,” he said, gesturing at the empty piano. He was glad Ocean felt comfortable. The last thing he needed was to come off as a fucking creep. “We’ve still got a long way to go to get rid of toxic shit, like not being open to physical affection that isn’t necessarily tied to sex. Hugging, touching, even kissing-- like on the cheeks and shit-- as greeting. Physicality isn’t a bad thing, like a lot of us are taught growing up-- at least me. My dad wasn’t a very affectionate guy. And when I moved to New York, if people got too handsy, it usually meant they wanted to fuck you. I’m not that kind of person. So I totally understand where you’re coming from there.”

#c: Ocean

xander-davis‌:

Xander nodded his head. When Yadriel took his hand, he once more leaned into the other’s touch. He pressed a soft kiss against Yadri’s shoulder and closed his eyes. “Thank you. You’re really nice.” He sniffled and stood up, heading off towards a spare room. He flopped onto it, overwhelmed with emotions. But it wasn’t just one single emotion, or even all negative. He felt confused and tired and wished he could stop thinking for just a minute.

It didn’t take long for him to pass out. Unfortunately that didn’t last very long as Xander found himself waking up less than an hour later, having had a bad dream. It was silly, but Xander had always slept better when someone was with him. It was part of why he had always be so willing to take overnight clients. Walking back out into the living room, Xander gave a shy smile. “Hey… can we cuddle?” He seemed much calmer now, no longer on the verge of crying.

“Ofcourse. You don’t have to thank me, Xan.” Yadriel patted Xander gently as he pulled away to head out. “I’ll be here if you need me,” he said, watching him walk away, then getting up to eat some of the pizza he’d left on the cooling rack earlier. He opted to watch something from the foreign film section, although he wasn’t too invested in it, although he’d watched most of it by the time Xander emerged from the spare room.

Yadriel looked up when he heard Xander’s sleepy voice, and he nodded. “Yeah. This movie kinda sucks anyway,” he said, flipping the TV off and walking off towards Xander. He wrapped his arms around the younger man in a warm hug, then kissed his cheek before letting go and walking past him into the bedroom. Yadriel pulled the covers back, plopped down onto the bed easily, and patted the spot next to him. “How are you feeling?”

#c: Xander

stormyxoceanxblue‌:

Nodding, Ocean agreed, “Yeah, I know. But it’s one thing to know something, and it’s another thing to actually do it. But you’re right.” It was good advice, it was just easier said than done. "I’m trying,“ he told Yadriel, and he meant it. And Yadriel was right about his friends and family back home too. "Yeah, I’ve got a great support system back there. I’ve got a big family and a lot of friends on the commune and some from college too. Actually everyone on the commune feels like one big extended family, though not all of them know about the full extent of what Steven did.” There were things no one knew, things Ocean wasn’t going to elaborate on anytime soon. Thinking about it, Ocean answered, “Yeah, I do. It’s not as big because I’ve not been here very long yet, but I have good friends here.” He thought of Carter, of Casey, of Nevada and Sahar and all the other friends he had made here, and Ocean hoped it meant he would be okay. "They’re pretty busy a lot of the time though,“ he admitted. "They’ve got jobs and other friends and exciting lives and…boyfriends.” Ocean didn’t know what he felt when he said that last word. It wasn’t bitterness exactly, more like disappointment. Snapping out of these negative thoughts, Ocean said, “They’re great though.” He looked at Yadriel and wondered, “What about you? Do you have one too? Sorry if that’s too personal.”

Ocean didn’t really think that Yadriel was going to actually do it, so he was shocked (in a good way) when Yadriel took his phone and went off on Steven. It was probably - no, definitely - one of the most amazing things that Ocean had ever witnessed. He had no idea how much if what he said was true (probably not much since he’d literally just met Ocean and heard about Steven), but Yadriel was incredibly convincing, and Ocean thought he would have probably been terrified. All too soon, it was over, though Ocean thought his new friend had definitely gotten the point across. Taking his phone from Yadriel, Ocean just looked at him in awe, finally saying, “That was amazing! Thank you!” Without really thinking about it, Ocean leaned over and hugged Yadriel, not fully registering what he was doing at first, too lost in thoughts of what Yadriel had done for him and how solid he felt. The man definitely had a nice body, Ocean could tell even without seeing him shirtless. But then Ocean snapped out of it, pulling away. "Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself,“ Ocean apologized. "I used to be a hugger, so I guess at least some pieces of who I used to be are still inside. That’s nice to know.”

Yadriel noted the way in which Ocean referred to his friends, and the way his demeanor changed a little towards-- not sadness, necessarily. More like slight disappointment, when he said that they were busy and had boyfriends. He understood what that meant. Ocean asked if he had a boyfriend and Yadriel shook his head. “I don’t. I’m one of those people busy working a lot, and it’s hard for me to form emotional attachments. Mostly because people are usually impatient. If I don’t reciprocate right away, they immediately get turned off and go find that attention somewhere else. We live in a world of instant gratification, and people don’t understand that not everyone is built that way. It takes time with me because... I’m a guarded person, I think. And I really like to get to know people, see how compatible we are, our lifestyles are, all that sort of thing. People like to think they know everything and make a decision before giving it a chance, and that’s fine with me. I don’t need that kind of pressure. So. I take it day by day. Doesn’t mean I don’t have fun here and there. I mean, look around this place. Gorgeous people everywhere, right?” he chuckled softly and shrugged.

After their little phone stunt. Yadriel laughed at Ocean’s expression. He was really endearing, and very cute. He laughed as the other thanked him and leaned in for a hug. Yadriel hugged him back, gently clapping his back. “Hey, my pleasure, that was fun as shit. But yeah, I mean it, if he calls you again, bring me your phone. I’m usually at the pearl. Or text me and if I’m near, I’ll swing by and call him back,” he mused. “And hey, don’t worry about it. Hugging’s great. People need to be more open about that sort of thing, if you ask me. Physical touch is a great thing.”

#c: Ocean

xander-davis‌:

Xander was listening to Yadriel. Or at least he was trying too. The man had a lot to say and while Xander was sure he was right, it was hard to just take it all in. He bit down on his bottom lip and just closed his eyes. He didn’t know how to describe what he was feeling. This sense of helplessness and hopelessness that seemed to exist whenever Xander thought about himself or his future or the idea of anyone actually loving him. Running his fingers through his hair, he gave a small nod, showing that he was listening to the other. He thought back to just about every guy he had ever cared about, thinking about how easily he had been turned down or told off, never actually having anyone who returned his feelings. It was demoralizing and it just made Xander realize that his plan to never date was clearly the correct one. What was the point of trying if it never worked out?

“Can I go lay down for a bit? I’m just… tired.” He knew he was still on the verge of crying and would rather Yadri didn’t see that. “I didn’t plan on like staying the whole night but I kinda don’t wanna walk back home and…” He shrugged, not actually having a reason other than not wanting to be alone. Even if he was asking to go lay down in another room, at least there’d be someone around. “I know you’re planning on like watching TV so uh… I dunno. Do you have a spare bedroom I can sleep in?” He hadn’t actually been to Yadriel’s place enough to know what the layout was. “If not, it’s fine. I can go. It’s fine.”

Yadriel could see the frustration and defeat in Xander’s face as he talked. He felt that very little was getting through to the other, but maybe it wasn’t. Maybe Xander really was listening. He hoped so, at least. When the other asked if he could go lay down, Yadriel nodded.

“Stay the night, I’m fine with that. I think we could both use the company,” he said. When Xander said he didn’t want to disturb, Yadriel chuckled and shook his head. “You’re really dense, you know that? You’re not interrupting anything. I just didn’t have anything better going on.” He could sense how emotional Xander was feeling, so he reached out and took the other’s hand for a moment. “Listen. You know you can count on me for anything, alright? And I know all this shit sucks right now, and it’ll take time and patience, but you’ll sort yourself out, Xan. Just please. Know that you’re worth more than the credit you’re giving yourself. Don’t sell yourself short just because other people aren’t seeing you the way I can see you. It’s gonna be okay, Xander. It’s all gonna be okay, I promise.” He gave the other’s hand a gentle squeeze, then let him go.

“I’ve got a couple of spare rooms if you want, just pick whichever. I’m still starving though, so I’m gonna eat and watch something. If you can’t sleep, I’ll be here.”

#c: Xander

stormyxoceanxblue‌:

“Yeah, they really do,” Ocean agreed somberly. There was something that bothered him about what he’d experienced with Steven - well, there were a lot of things that bothered him about what he had experienced with him, but there was something he didn’t usually mention. But Ocean felt like he could trust Yadriel about it. “It makes me feel weak,” he revealed. “Like objectively I know that I shouldn’t, that people like him are cunning and smart, but I used to feel strong. Now I don’t. It’s just one of the things he took from me.” As he said this last part, Ocean felt a surge of anger, which was unusual - normally all he felt when he thought about Steven and what had happened was sadness. “Even the reason I got out of the relationship wasn’t all me,” he revealed. “It was only after my siblings and friends had an intervention that I finally did it.” Nodding, Ocean understood what Yadriel was saying, and he agreed, “Me too. There’s a lot about what happened I regret obviously, but I learned a lot too, and I definitely won’t let it happen again.” With Steven, he hadn’t started off as manipulative, easing into it, and it had snuck up on Ocean. But now Ocean knew the warning signs and would be better prepared if he were to meet someone similar. Smiling at Yadriel, Ocean said, “If you need to call me at 3 AM for something important though, don’t hesitate.”

Ocean nodded again, knowing that Yadriel had a point. “I think not just enduring it makes you stronger,” he stated. “It’s easier to just let it happen, but when you resist, that’s what gives you strength. It took me a long time to figure that out.” Longer than he was proud of, that was for sure. His phone was still ringing, eventually stopping, and that was when Ocean said, “I’ve thought about changing my number since blocking his doesn’t help - he just gets a burner phone and tries again. But I’ve had this number for as long as I’ve had a cell phone. I don’t want him to take this from me too.” The phone began ringing again, and Ocean sighed; it was Steven again. Thinking about what Yadriel had said, Ocean smiled and asked, “Would you tell him off? Even if it wouldn’t get him to stop, it would at least be entertaining. You don’t have to though.”

“Well, that’s something you’re gonna have to get back, Ocean. And you’ve got your whole life to figure it out. It won’t take you that long, but there’s gonna be more instances in which you feel like you’re losing it and you’ve gotta get it back. That’s the human condition,” he said, nodding and smiling softly at the other. “I’m glad your friends and family rallied for you and helped you break out of that. It’s important to have a network of people you trust. If you ever get with someone who tries to isolate you from them, you run for the hills. Do you have a system like that here on the island? People you trust. Friends and chosen family, I mean,” he asked curiously, suddenly wondering if Ocean was drinking here alone by choice, or because he didn’t really have anyone else, which was a troubling thought. But Yadriel kept that to himself right now.

He was glad that Ocean realized the importance of standing up for himself and not letting anyone put him in a box like that again. But before he had a chance to say anything else, the phone was ringing again. He frowned slightly, then watched the smile form on Ocean’s lips with the question that followed. Yadriel chuckled and bit his lower lip, reaching for Ocean’s phone. “Okay, this is gonna be dramatic, so brace yourself,” he mused, as the idea formed in his head.

Yadriel picked up the line and pressed the phone to his ear. “Hello, Steven. Don’t hang up, cause I got somethin’ to tell you about Ocean,” he said, his voice calm at first, as if he really did have some information. It was a lure to get him to stay on the line, and it was working. “He’s not having any more of your shit. I know where you live, and where this line you’re calling from is coming from. Listen to me. I’m a very powerful man with a lot of fucking money, and a lot of fucking connections near you, and I don’t have a problem with letting them pay you a little visit if you call him ever again. Every time you call, I will be here on this line to answer it. In fact, maybe I’ll start calling you to check up on you, see where you’re at, what you’re doing, who you’re with, you useless piece of shit. You might’ve fucked with him before, but do not make the mistake of fucking with him again. Or with me, little boy, do you understand? Do not call again, or there will be consequences,” he growled, his voice going from cool and calm, to a deep and venomous very gradually. He hung up the line before Steven had a chance to say anything, then snorted out a laugh, passing the phone back over to Ocean.

“I have no idea where he lives, but if I sounded half as convincing as I thought I did, he shouldn’t bother you much more. And if he does call you, bring your phone to me any time. I’ll pick it up and drag him a little more,” he mused with a goofy grin.

#c: Ocean #LOL

Yadriel thanked Gray for letting him into the bungalow. He was lucky enough to have caught him before he scampered off to wherever he was going. He could certainly see Cade having fun with a guy that was as laid back as that, but he didn’t let his thoughts linger there for long. He was at the Hall residence on a mission.

He gave two knocks on Carter’s door before pushing it open and frowning at the sight of the man still in bed and the stench of alcohol strong in the air. “Oh that hangover is NOT gonna be nice for you,” he muttered. “And for the first time in... ever, you missed work, so I wanna know what the hell’s going on,” he said, walking over to the window, opening the blinds, and opening it to let some fresh ocean breeze in.

@yourpersonalbattlefield

#c: Carter #I hope this is okay! lmk if I should change anything #sorry for the delay lol

xander-davis‌:

Xander followed the other out onto the couch, sitting next to the other. He turned slightly, facing Yadriel and placing his legs on top of the other’s lap as he laid back against the cushions. When he was asked how he saw himself, Xander paused. He had an answer, but he knew it was an answer that Yadr would disagree with. Then again, the entire point of this was to just be honest. “I… I know I was. But that’s cause I wanted you to want me.”

He laid back on the couch, looking up at the ceiling so that he wouldn’t have to look directly at Yadri. “I… I see me. I mean like I know that I’m not the person I pretend to be. Cause when I’m on the job I can make people happy and feel good, but that’s all just like… fake. I’m just emotional and needy and stupid and unlovable.” He rubbed his eyes, not wanting to cry as he started to talk about himself. “I mean let’s be honest, I can name all of my good traits on one hand so like… Yeah. That’s what I see. Me.”

Yadriel put his hand on Xander’s shin and patted him gently. “You don’t have to do that with me, Xander. You’re not. I’m not gonna lie here and say I’m not attracted to you, because I am. But not like this-- you’re hurting. And sleeping with me isn’t gonna fix it. Just like drinking or getting high won’t fix it. Sleeping with me is just another mindless high, and that’s not what I wanna be for anyone. You deserve better for yourself, too,” he said.

“You can name all your good traits on one hand, but you don’t buy what you’re selling yourself. What good is being able to list off qualities that you don’t believe. You don’t see them. What you see is what you’re telling yourself you are. Your biggest enemy here is you, Xan. And that’s what I need you to see. You are NOT unlovable. You are NOT stupid, and you’re certainly not needy. You can be emotional. Hell, I’m emotional. It’s okay to be that way. It’s okay to crave human affection and to want to feel like you’re missed and desired. It’s human nature, babe,” he said, looking at Xander, even though he knew the other was avoiding his gaze. “But you have got to stop beating yourself up over Cade. And you have got to stop blaming yourself for other people’s emotional unavailability. It’s not fair to yourself. You will never be happy if you have to depend on someone else in order to achieve it. Take it from me, I learned that the hard way. You have got to make yourself the center of YOUR world, and not a supporting role in someone else’s. When you figure that out, you’re gonna see everything so much differently, Xan.”

#c: Xander

domcaderiviera‌:

Cade couldn’t help but just sit and listen, he always appreciated Yadriel’s advice. Even when he didn’t always listen to it or take it, Yadriel was easily one of the best friends he had and he often gave him really good advice. Though he knew deep down, Yadriel was right about a lot of the Michael stuff, “I am glad that I can talk to you about this shit.” He said with a sort of half smirk, his hand touching Yadriel’s own as he squeezed his shoulder, “I am focused on me. But, yeah, I hear what you’re saying, Yadri, I do. I don’t think I will be chewing on some ass for a bit though. I mean unless you’re volunteering to have your ass ate.” He said knowing what Yadriel meant, but he couldn’t help and poke fun at him telling Cade to chew on it for a bit right after saying men just gave him ass.

“It is something and I am not gonna glare. Fuck, I mean, when I first met half the boys on your staff, I was fairly sure they just wanted my money.” He laughed a little bit and turned his attention to the food while it was still hot. He managed to down a chunk of it, just resting back on the couch now. He turned so he was resting his broken leg on the couch, effectively putting it at Yadriel’s side. He finished off the little box of chicken in his hands and smiled over at him, “As far as Gray is concerned, he doesn’t give me gold digger vibes. More…almost not interested in me vibes? Which is fucking refreshing honestly. I don’t remember the last time I met a guy who wanted to just hang out with me.”

“Oh and it’s you and Connor. As far as people who met Michael. On the island anyway, that I can think of, not that I didn’t know other people back then, just nobody really close.” He said as he looked over at Yadriel, reaching out to squeeze his leg, “Thanks though. I mean, here in a bit, probably in March. Once I am settled work wise, take some time off and go with me. I was gonna take Casey but I think it’d mean more to Michael if you were there and we can take some time when I go back to where Michael and I met. It’d do you some good to get away and do me some good to have a friend with me.”

"You’re definitely not going near my ass tonight, but who knows what tomorrow brings,” he teased. Yadriel knew well enough that Cade needed to be held and touched, to be shown physically how much he was loved and wanted. But he wasn’t the right person for it right now. In fact, he didn’t think anyone on the island was good enough to do it, but he hoped that the dust would settle for Cade soon, and that once it did, he would find that someone who was good to him. In the meantime, Yadriel wasn’t going anywhere.

Yadriel took another bite as he listened to Cade talking, not minding the other’s leg at his side at all. “Hey now, I like the sound of that. Someone not wanting or needing you to buy them shit. Who seems to just wanna hang out and enjoy life? Isn’t that Carter’s brother?” he asked curiously. The Hall brothers were notorious for being some of the most laid back and fun people, and Yadriel knew it. Maybe that was a good sign for Cade.

“I forget Connor knew Michael. To be honest, I haven’t really talked to the man. Maybe I should, though.” His icy blue hues peered up at Cade when he talked about wanting to take time off have a proper send off for Michael, and he nodded. “Hey, just let me know when. You know I’m here for you, and for him. Life gets crazy, and running a fucking island is a lot of work. But you deserve to get away from it for a little bit and just... focus on that aspect of your life that’s kinda been with you for too long. Michael deserves to finally just rest. And you deserve to finally move on. We’ll never forget him. I know that this is what he’d want, too.”

#c: Cade

theodoretremblay‌:

“ Well since I’m an adult you don’t have a problem with juveniles,” Theo retorted, maybe getting a tad annoyed with people thinking he couldn’t handle himself. “ I’m not shy about sex either, this is just something I haven’t done and want to do, hence me asking for a class,” He didn’t get the third-degree, Theo would be paying for this class, and he paid to be on this island, he couldn’t just get denied treatment, that’s insane. “ Bondage, Domination, Submission and Masochism, or something like that, the point of the class is to learn this stuff, isn’t it,” Theo asked him. He looked back to Yadriel, in his eyes, “ I want a class, and maybe I want to be experience something like that yes, you seem like the right type of man to do that, no?”

“That’s cute. You’re pulling the ‘I’m an adult, I can do whatever I want’ card, except I’m not convinced.” He raised his brows and tilted his head, getting up and walking closer to Theo. “Tonight, I’m going to say pass. But if you can convince me that you really, actually want to learn, then you’re gonna have to come back with an open mind. Because that’s the first rule to all of this. If you want to learn, you need to know which of those-- disciplines, you could call it-- you want to learn about, and how invested you are in letting go of all the shit you’ve seen or heard of through mainstream media. Not only do you need to have an open mind, but you need to trust me, and I need to trust you. And right now? I don’t think I do. So show me. You look like a smart kid. I know you’ll figure it out somehow.”

#c: Theodore

stormyxoceanxblue‌:

“It was,” Ocean replied when Yadriel said it must have been series, “but that doesn’t mean it was good. I don’t know if it ever was; that’s something I’ve been wondering lately. At first it seemed like it was, but I don’t actually think it was because it was all just a preamble to him taking control of me. Steven is smart, and he was spending that time figuring out how he could control me, and I didn’t even realize it. So even if it seemed good at the time, it was all just part of his plan, and any subsequent good moments were just his way of making me stay.” Steven had gotten Ocean addicted to those moments, the ones where he was sweet and kind and caring, and that was how he’d kept his hooks in him. It had taken Ocean a long time to realize that. As Yadriel talked, Ocean just listened. “Two years is still a long time,” he said when Yadriel was done. “Do you feel like that was two years wasted? Or are you happy for the experiences you had during that time.” Ocean thought about his own situation, and he answered his own question with certainty, “I feel like that was four years of my life I’ll never get back. I stopped growing as a person for those four years. In fact, I just backslid further and further from the person I was.” When Yadriel gave Ocean his number, it made the younger man smile, both because he so easily gave it and by the way he had done so because it had been very considerate. Once Yadriel’s number was in his phone, Ocean sent him a quick text, saying, “And now you have mine in case you ever want to…want to talk or hang out.” As he spoke, Ocean started to second guess this decision because he was sure Yadriel had a lot of other people he’d rather spend time with.

It was clear to Ocean that Yadriel had been through some things in life, and Ocean said, “I guess wading through…through the shit gives us character too, right? I guess it makes you stronger.” He took a sip of his drink, and somehow despite all that had happened tonight, Ocean was beginning to feel better. And then his phone rang - it was Steven again. Not answering it, Ocean sighed as it continued to ring, saying, “I wish he’d stop calling me. I wish he’d just leave me alone.”

Yadriel nodded as he listened to Ocean’s retelling of what happened with his ex, Steven. He listened and nodded, knowing that what he was hearing sounded familiar to other people he’d known in his life, although he hadn’t been put into that situation himself. “Manipulative people know how to get their claws on someone and not let go. But I’m glad you got out of that situation, Ocean. I’m sorry that happened to you.” He shook his head when Ocean asked if he felt like his two years with his ex had been wasted. “I learned a lot about who I was, and what I wanted. I don’t think that was time wasted, even if it didn’t end in the best way,” he said with a small shrug. Once they exchanged numbers, Yadriel smiled. “I promise, I won’t call at three in the morning pestering for no good reason,” he mused.

He watched Ocean take a sip of his drink, and he seemed a little more relaxed. Yadriel smiled an nodded. “Tough shit does give you character. But that doesn’t mean you have to sit back and endure shit when it comes to you,” he said, raising his brows as the phone rang again. “Block his number. If that doesn’t work, get a new number. I don’t think me telling him off over the phone will do a whole lot, but I’d gladly do it if at the very least it made him shit his pants a little,” he snorted, shaking his head and taking a small sip of his own drink.

#c: Ocean

xander-davis‌:

Xander could feel the other’s gentle touches and soft words. “I just want to be good enough for someone… anyone.” He sighed softly and looked up at the other, biting down on his bottom lip. “I don’t want to be a burden either.” He leaned into the touch, a soft sigh leaving his lips. He liked when the other called him baby. It made him feel good. Then again Yadriel always did an amazing job at making Xander feel comfortable and cared for.

Xander was pretty sure he knew what his problem was. He was stupid and overly emotional. “Okay… I’ll listen.” He glanced up at the other and tilted his head. He moved a bit closer once more, leaning into the other’s tough. “Thank you for being so nice… I’m sorry for getting all emotional over nothing.” He closed his eyes, taking a slow breath. “Can we sit down while we talk?”

“You’re not being a burden,” Yadriel said, nudging Xander gently. He was glad Xander was willing to listen, so he wrapped his arm gently around his shoulder and led him out of the kitchen to the couch. Yadriel sat down first, then patted a spot next to him, waiting for Xander to have a seat as well.

“You were coming to me just now like you’re on the job. And quite frankly, it worries me. I don’t want you to become so consumed by this job that you forget the person you are underneath all of it. Xander, you’re more than what you do for a living, and I hope you haven’t forgotten that. Because if you have, you’re gonna need to do a hell of a lot of soul searching so you don’t forget. If all you will ever see yourself is your circumstances, you will never be happy,” he said, looking into the other’s eyes. “Tell me, what do you see when you look in a mirror?”

#c: Xander

domcaderiviera‌:

Cade was smirking when the other said he would avoid talking about work but it would lead to a short conversation, “Alright. So let’s start easy. When was the last time you took a day off? Zero contact with The Pearl. Cause if the answer is over a month, I may have to kick your ass.” Cade said and smiled brightly at him, “Don’t test me, I will go all full name Spanish mother on you if you run yourself ragged and don’t take time on your own, don’t test me.” Cade was grinning as he moved around the island to sit next to Yadriel now.

Digging into the food, he thought for a moment about what had been going on lately, a lot, a lot was the answer, “Fuck, where do I even start. So I already told you about Xander. A couple of your other boys are all over the place when it comes to me, I am fairly sure. It’s like they want to constantly impress the owner. Let’s see…outside that, Casey and I had a bit of a thing recently. Like big ol fight about me going back to see my Uncles. We argued. I handled it poorly. It came from a fairly dark place, shit with Michael. Which I am working on, like actually, I have started getting rid of his ashes. Connor Owen I am fairly sure is also in love with me, which I don’t know if I return those feelings or not? He’s like the only person here I’ve known as long as you.” He was just spilling now.

Yadriel was always the one person Cade didn’t have any secrets from, he was his fist, his strength. He loved Yadriel in ways that he couldn’t describe, probably like a brother, a brother he had fucked before, but that was neither here nor there. Yadriel was family and Cade could share the world with him, “Also, this asshole Gray. Guy that runs the zipline. He’s been challenging me lately and if I am totally honest? I like it. Like he makes me mad, but he also keeps me feeling sane? And get this, we’ve been on a date and I didn’t fuck him. So ya boy growing up.”

"Uhhh... Zero contact with the Pearl? Months, chief. Not since before the holiday season. Although I should really think about getting a vacation in. Only thing is, where the fuck do you go on a vacation to when you live in literal paradise?” he mused, laughing softly. “Nah, but seriously, I might take some time off to just... chill and not be wrapped up in work drama.” He smiled and began to eat with Cade next to him.

“I’ve been trying to talk to them about... you know. The whole desperation bit of it. It’s not sexy, it’s not cute.” He shrugged and ate another forkful of food, looking up to Cade for a moment when he talked about Casey and their fight. He shook his head lightly and set his fork down, putting his hand on Cade’s shoulder. “Listen. If you feel like you need to get that dark shit out of your chest, you know you can come to me. I don’t know anyone else on this island that knew Michael, too. But I’m glad you’re working on this. You deserve to move on and finally put him to rest. Everything else, let it fall away. Focus on you right now, Cade. You spread yourself out too thin by giving a piece of you to every fucking guy who gives you their attention. And what are they giving you aside from some ass? Chew on that for a bit,” he said, giving Cade’s shoulder a gentle squeeze before turning back to his food.

He cared about Cade. The man was one of his best friends, and they’d been through quite a lot together, so he felt like he had some agency in telling Cade things as he saw them. He chuckled when the other admitted there was yet another boy on the roster. But the way he talked about Gray was different. “Well, see? There’s something. Sounds fun. And if he challenges you, all the better, as long as he’s not just using you as a financial stepping stone. Don’t give me a dirty look, you know gold diggers cling to you like leeches every once in a while,” he teased, laughing quietly.

#c: Cade

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