5 Insane Yaoi Titles - NEVER TO BE LICENSED!
NEW YORK | Mon Dec 1, 2014 3:00pm EDT
(Editorial) - Let's face it, some pretty weird stuff has come out of Japan. Their mainstream manga culture, encompassing everything from a Toshiba instruction manual to the elderly's fixation with Mahjong, has led them to a special kind of crazy.
Case in point: yaoi. Now far be it from this author to discount her favorite genre. Yaoi is great! If it wasn't for the unique cocktail of cultural craziness in Japan, this author wouldn't have any of her favorite ebooks or manga.
Some yaoi is batshit crazy, though. Licking eyeballs, anyone? Or how about elephant penis manties? This is the sort of crazy you find in licensed manga! Wait until you hear what stuff popular manga licensors such as Digital Manga and Viz Media have steered clear of. We present to you the top five zaniest yaoi manga titles never to be licensed!
All images for this article were procured from Baka Manga Updates
#5. The tamest title on our list of top ten is Confusion--and boy is it confusing! A magic gun floats into the window of Ritsuko, a police officer in Tokyo. Ritsuko somehow knows the gun can only communicate by firing 'thought bullets' into his anus. He gets naked and in position for the message, which actually isn't for him, but for this other guy who the magic gun can't reach. (Ritsuko is pleasured by the gun during the course of their 'conversation'.)
Ritsuko goes to find Danguo, a prisoner in jail. He gets the guards to leave them alone and seduces Danguo, because the only way he can give him the message shot into his butt is if Danguo has sex with him. The prisoner does and finds out that his mystic boyfriend, Ganhoru, has evidence that will exonerate him.
Ritsuko doesn't know where Ganhoru is, but the magical gun claims it does. Ritsuko gets naked and in position again for another pleasurable anal information bullet. Ganhoru is trapped by gangsters and Ritsuko mobilizes the police to rescue him and exonerate Danguo.
#4. Spider Harvest for the Foolish City Man is about a wicked country boy, Ribasu, who tells the city boy, Machi, that spiders have crawled into his anus and laid eggs.
Machi seems aware that Ribasu is lying, but plays along. Ribasu tries to get him to drink some potion that will help purge the spiders. Machi can tell it's strong liquor so he only pretends to drink it, and then pretends to be drunk. Ribasu blindfolds him and claims he is going smash the baby spiders inside him with his 'spider rod.'
During the 'spider squashing' scene Machi sheds his blindfold and squashes some other spiders inside of Ribasu's butt with his own 'rod.' The two end up snuggling happily together despite Ribasu's attempt at deceit...and then a spider crawls out of Ribasu's penis.
#3. White Flower Love Attack. Due to...um, reasons that are never explained, an aphrodisiac kind of white poppy flower has gained sentience and has decided to start attacking people. The flowers are violent enough to force scientist Kusa and his enamored kohai (subordinate) Hafun to seek refuge in their sealed-off lab. They must work together to find a way to destroy the flowers.
Unfortunately Kasu was infected with horniness after a vicious flower attack. He can't get any work done unless his kohai sacrifices his body to provide him 'treatment.' Kasu relapses several times during the course of his experiments, and must rely on Hafun's treatments to get him sane again. When it looks like Kasu is about to make a breakthrough Hafun sabotages his work so they can keep bopping each other.
#2. The Nudist Runs. Hadaka is allergic to all kinds of garments. He's forced to go nude, except for his hats, which don't touch his skin due to his hair. If this wasn't bad enough he's grown into quite a comely young man. He's forced to go to an all boy school so not offend young women with his nudity. At the school, he's constantly fleeing from the pent-up student body who think he looks just like a girl from the back (and that's good enough for them).
Enter Hiro, a noble young man who comes to Hadaka's aid. He becomes human clothes for the hapless nudist by standing behind him and covering his junk with his hands. Of course, in order to be in contact with Hadaka, Hiro must go nude also, otherwise he would be touching him with his allergen. Yaoi naturally ensues. This series is the longest running yaoi manga in Japan with over 1,800 installments to date.
#1. In top place is actually a bara (gay muscle men) title, but we feel Pencil Box Buddies is unique enough to warrant inclusion. Ever since he was a child, high school student Suta has enjoyed sticking things into his butt. His parents became so concerned over this that they had a mystic curse his anus. He's always known that if he sticks anything in his butt something terrible will happen.
Suta has grown into a horny teenager and has a crush on the upperclassman Gakusei who seems to reciprocate his feelings. Their romance is getting hot and heavy, and he fears his curse is about to get in the way of his sex life. He locks himself in his room and puts a pencil in his butt to see what will happen.
The pencil turns into a magical muscleman who immediately pins Suta down and sticks another pencil in his butt. This pencil turns into another muscleman. The two baras rejoice to finally have human forms that are capable of acting on their desires. Apparently they'd been bouncing around in Suta's pencil box, rubbing together, but not knowing any satisfaction.
After the baras have lurid sex in front of Suta, he asks them if they can help him with his butt problem. The musclemen say that if Suta can track down the mystic who cursed his butthole they can use their muscles to intimidate her and get the curse removed.
The remaining volumes of the series is Suta tracking down leads on the mystic while trying to keep his anal secret from Gakusei and deal with the two horny musclemen who now hide in his bedroom. The latter is not too difficult since he can just rub his naked butt against them to turn them back into pencils. As the series progresses he finds that his cursed butthole has other powers, and that it's best that he keeps Gakusei's manhood out of it. This, at times, proves difficult, but of course the series manages to finish with a happy ending, figuratively and literally, for all.
The Japanese are a proud people and prefer that their more shameful pursuits be kept away from foreign eyes. This is why you will be unable to find any information on any of these titles online. In fact, several covers presented here were altered by the Japanese government to have different words than what the original titles were.
Rest assured, we at Yaoi News, the foremost online authority on all things yaoi for the last 30 years, have gone to exhaustive lengths to bring the true story of these crazy yaoi titles to light. If you notice any inconsistencies with what we've reported compared to the actual titles, remember, it's all a big government cover-up. These titles are for real!
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