dear diary…

http://vsco.co/yasarev

[yasarev]

Los pensamientos que tengo cuando no quiero pensar

un par de poemas/garabatos cortos que inicialmente eran de mi para mi y hoy son de mi para quien los encuentre.

[yasarev]

so one day i’m going to drown myself for having too much words unsaid, for having too many thoughts inside, too many tears still inside, i’m going to drown myself and i’m going to do it smiling because on the other you’ll be there waiting for me

[yasarev]

how the hell can I live again without the feeling of wanting to die?

[yasarev]

i’m pretty much really deep fuck up

[yasarev]

sometimes i have this thought, this thought that makes me feel deeply alone in the past, this thought of ending things, ending this, ending me, in the past it was because of you that you made me stay, you made me realize that it was worthy to live and take advantage of being living but today, i mean i always said that if you died i would died too, everyone laughed bc of it, but then it passed and then i’m here, but you aren’t, what am i supposed to do now? living without you? i don’t even remember living without you, i feel empty, i feel alone, i feel hopeless, i feel dead, and in fact it sound really dramatic and i don’t meant it to be like it but it hurts, it fucking freaking hurts, i miss you, i miss you every day, i miss you more when i recognize that i’m not laughing that i’m just pretending to, when i imagine you and i saw you on every corner of the house, when i go to my room and i heard you walking to me, when i go to the kitchen and i don’t see you waiting for food, it can’t be real, and i’m always waiting to someone to tell me that it is a joke, i’m always waiting for you to show up, to jump, to come, to wake up, to live

[yasarev]

aparentemente la vida se trata de vivirla hasta que una persona que amas ya no está viva y te das cuenta que la existencia misma solo significa existir extrañando, existir recordando, existir con dolor

[yasarev]

let’s take the night to talk, like we used to

[yasarev]

there’s emptiness here, i thought this place wasn’t for me anymore but i fall again, there’s no one else there, there would never be no one else, there’s a place and a reason, there’s a person and a decision, there’s love and then there’s nothing

[yasarev]

sometimes when the time and universes collapses, sometimes i see you in him, when he’s laughing, maybe and God i fucking hate that

[yasarev]

Have you already had that feeling of progressing, healing, evolving?

[yasarev]

i have too many insecurities for about another life

[yasarev]

i cried, it’s been a long time until the last time

[yasarev]

and i have a lot of good things, things that worth to live, to laugh for, to love, but at the end of the day it’s u, it’s u, at the end of the day it’s u who i want to tell my day to

[yasarev]

do you ever felt so much emptiness, loneliness, desperation crying until 3am? yes, i have it all mixed having u, the day in heaven and nights in hell, nights, birthdays, anniversaries, lunch, breakfast, my entire life in hell because of u

[yasarev]

it’s been a really long time since i missed u, now it hits hard

[yasarev]

ya he leído todos mis testamentos y te aseguro que lo único bueno que queda de todos ellos sos vos

[yasarev]

días pasados y el hoy.

hice tantas cosas este año que creo pensar que en la persona que más me enfoqué en agradar fue en mi misma, me dispuse a trabajar, a hacer ejercicio, a amar, a valorar, a crecer, a abrirme a conocer, hice, hice y también me fui, acepté y dije que no unas miles de veces, pero después de todo me amé más por ser la que soy, las idas al hospital, tener el corazón en la mano, el estrés de los días que venían y que iban, mi mejor esfuerzo lo día cada día, teniéndome paciencia, creciendo en silencio por días, a grandes pasos y otros sentada en el sillón, días donde no quise salir de mi zona de confort y días donde me ataque de nervios, todos los días fui yo conmigo misma y en otros con otros pero al final del día yo y mi misma, bonito aprender a amar los días y bonito anhelar los días bonitos en los días odiosos.

bai, veintitrés, te llevo en el corazón como el año de crecimiento.