the sirens still echo in the back of her hearing. far away, intermittent, almost ghost-like. but when silence is absolute, she can still hear them, constantly. is the same exact thing with the lights. flashes that come and go, fast and unreadable, blue, white and red tinting the corners of her surroundings just for a second. and sometimes she can even still feel it. the tension, the anguish, the panic that filled everyone, herself included. if she stays still, she can feel her own heart, beating fast and unsteady. and she hates it.
siyeon has never been good at dealing with commotions. her strategy for it has always been the same: not dealing with them, actually. brush everything under a rug, lock it on a trunk and throw the key away, just plain ignore everything and go on as if it didn’t exist.
and that’s why she’s there, at the club, working as if that day was no different than any other. as if she hadn’t been completely sleepless the night before. she is armed with her classic oh so charming smile and she’s wearing a happy facade, and she’s fully focused on her job. because that’s the best way to keep everything else away. because that’s the best way to prevent her from falling apart.
that is, until yejin suddenly appears out of nowhere.
“oh, yejin! hello to you too” siyeon’s smile falters, a slight almost undetectable temblor that sums everything that goes on her mind that very short second. yejin. her friend. whom she’s been missing so much. whom she’s been avoiding for the last months. whom she saw the other night. and now siyeon knows she saw her too. still, she tries to keep on her facade. “mm yeah, of course, i was going to do my break anyway. follow me”, with a small nod, she guides her through a staff door, to the dressing room, where they are alone. and when she turns back to face yejin again, for the first time in maybe forever, she doesn’t know what to say. any expected expression, any question, any word, can be backfired to her. “it’s been so long, right?” she still dares, because she at least has to try.
perhaps it had always been this way and she just never had noticed it. perhaps, every look, every smile and every laughter shared between had been a lie .perhaps they were never even friends to begin with. how often did she wonder if she ever had really known siyeon. that she was probably the only one who entrusted her with her secrets, while siyeon was probably the one who was only making secrets without giving them away. yejin tried to understand her, tried to find a good reason for her odd behaviour, but in the end of the day she’d betrayed her. them. and that didn’t change a thing.
yejin met her greetings with a glare, showing her that she didn’t come here for a casual meeting between friends. she didn’t even know if they were friends at this very moment. all she knew was that she was furious. betrayed. hurt. and that she demanded answers. following siyeon, she kept silent, trying to rationalize the situation and not let her anger get to her too much, causing her to say things that wouldn’t led to answers but just as a tool to hurt her. but it was so damn hard and as usual she just let her emotions overcome her, making her appear not as tough as she wanted other people to believe her to be. “ you don’t need to pretend as if we’re still friends.” she muttered as they were heading to another room. at least she managed to do that. still, some regret inked her heart and if she didn’t know & wasn’t filled with anger one could say she felt bad for saying that.
as she stepped into the dressing room, she closed the door, leaning with her back against it, crossing her arms & waiting for the silence to give her some comfort. however, all it did was to make her horribly uncomfortable. her lips turned into a bitter smile, and she almost let out a small laugh at the irony of the situation. it was funny. oh so ironic, how once siyeon was one of the very few people who she’d be comfortable with without feeling the need to speak a word. and now here she was, with every inch of her body wanting to run away and just forget about everything she’d seen & pretend that everything was fine. like she usually would do. but, seeing her after months of desperately trying to talk to her with getting nothing in return and worrying about her everyday, only to find out that she turned her back on her --. what was she supposed to do ? especially when siyeon was acting as if nothing of that ever happened. pretending that she cared even a tiny bit for her when she didn’t. “ well, i tried to look for you but it turned out i was the only one who ever cared about our friendship.and yes it had been long but i don’t think we should waste our time with meaningless small talk and keep on pretending that we’re actually friends.” bitterness slipped out of her lips, a feeling she just couldn’t shake off. “ but that’s not what i came to talk about. i saw you that night with one of the king’s members, and i’m not that stupid to believe that you just shared some meaningless talk. so tell me did you turn your back on me -” she halted for a second, a hint of vulnerability crossing her eyes before her gaze turned cold again, correcting herself “ us- for them ? tell me the truth, i just want to be done with this so i can finally move on, siyeon.”
romaincrisis
turnnoffyourmind
yousharknotpass
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