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nxies

╰ ♡ ROMANTIC FIRSTS. —————feel free to add ‘reverse’ if you’d like to see my muse's reaction to the opposite.

send CALL ME for the first time my muse called your muse.

send TEXT ME for the first time my muse texted your muse.

send DATE ME for the first time my muse asked your muse out on a date.

send KISS ME for the first time my muse kissed your muse.

send WANT ME for the first time my muse wanted to have sex with your muse.

send MISS ME for the first time my muse missed your muse.

send NEED ME for the first time my muse needed your muse with them.

send LOVE ME for the first time my muse said “I love you”.

send STAY WITH ME for the first time my muse stayed with yours.

sidestuiff

Send ✎ and I’ll draw our muses together.

wntrfell

this is me trying

“ i’ve been having a hard time adjusting ”

“ i didn't know if you’d care if i came back ”

“ i have a lot of regrets about that ”

“ maybe i don’t quite know what to say ”

“ i’m here in your doorway ”

“ i just wanted you to know that this is me trying ”

“ so i got wasted like all my potential ”

“ my words shoot to kill when i’m mad ”

“ i have a lot of regrets about that ”

“ i was so ahead of the curve ”

“ fell behind all my classmates and i ended up here ”

“ and it’s hard to be at a party when i feel like an open wound ”

“ it’s hard to be anywhere these days when all i want is you ”

illicit affairs

“ make sure nobody sees you leave ”

“ tell your friends you're out for a run ”

“ take the road less traveled by ”

“ tell yourself you can always stop ”

“ leave the perfume on the shelf ”

“ like you don’t even exist ”

“ take the words for what they are ”

“ and that’s the thing about illicit affairs ”

“ but they lie and they lie and they lie ”

“ don’t call me “kid"

“ don’t call me "baby” ”

“ look at this godforsaken mess that you made me ”

“ you showed me colors you know i can’t see with anyone else ”

“ look at this idiotic fool that you made me ”

“ you taught me a secret language i can’t speak with anyone else ”

“ and you know damn well for you, i would ruin myself a million little times ”

invisible string

“ i used to think i would meet somebody there ”

“ were there clues i didn’t see? ”

“and isn’t it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me? ”

“ she said i looked like an american singer ”

mad woman

“ what did you think i’d say to that? ”

“ they strike to kill, and you know i will ”

“ fuck you forever ”

“ every time you call me crazy, i get more crazy ”

“ and when you say i seem angry, i get more angry ”

“ no one likes a mad woman ”

“ you made her like that ”

“ they say, “move on” but you know i won’t ”

“ it’s obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together ”

“ i’m taking my time ”

“ ‘cause you took everything from me ”

epiphany

“ keep your helmet, keep your life ”

“ just a flesh wound, here’s your rifle ”

“ sir, i think he’s bleeding out ”

“ some things you just can’t speak about ”

“ only twenty minutes to sleep ”

“ but you dream of some epiphany ”

betty

“ i won’t make assumptions about why you switched your homeroom but i think it’s 'cause of me ”

“ one time i was riding on my skateboard when i passed your house it’s like i couldn’t breathe ”

“ you heard the rumors from [ name ] ”

“ you can’t believe a word she says ”

“ the worst thing that i ever did was what i did to you ”

“ but if i just showed up at your party would you have me? ”

“ would you want me? ”

“ would you tell me to go fuck myself? ”

“ i don’t know anything but i know i miss you ”

“ i hate the crowds, you know that ”

“ plus, i saw you dance with him ”

“ slept next to her but i dreamt of you all summer long ”

“ i’m here on your doorstep ”

“ the only thing i wanna do is make it up to you ”

“ will you love me? ”

“ will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends? ”

“ you know i miss you ”

peace

“ i never had the courage of my convictions ”

“ no, i could never give you peace ”

“ but i’m a fire and i'll keep your brittle heart warm ”

“ but i would die for you in secret ”

“ the devil’s in the details but you got a friend in me ”

“ i talk shit with my friends ”

“ your integrity makes me seem small ”

“ i’d give you my sunshine, give you my best ”

“ but the rain is always gonna come if you’re standin’ with me ”

“ all these people think love’s for show ”

“ would it be enough if i could never give you peace? ”

hoax

“ this has broken me down ”

“ your faithless love’s the only hoax i believe in ”

“ don't want no other shade of blue but you ”

“ i am ash from your fire ”

“ you know i left a part of me back in new york ”

“ you knew the hero died so what’s the movie for? ”

“ but what you did was just as dark ”

“ you have beaten my heart ”

“ you knew it still hurts underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart ”

“ you knew you won so what’s the point of keeping score? ”

littlelovelymemes

✰ — — — BUZZFEED UNSOLVED SENTENCE STARTERS

‘ strap in ‘cause this one is rough. ’ ‘ it’s– it’s yucky. ’ ‘ i’m aware of some details of this and it’s– it’s yucky. ’ ‘ i’m not a gambling man, but i don’t really like those odds. ’ ‘ we could conceivably run into this guy taking a dump in the woods or something. ’ ‘ are you fucking out of your mind? ’ ‘ i’m starting to think you want to die. ’ ‘ you turned a corner on that one pretty quick. ’ ‘ oh my god, it’s fucking horrifying. ’ ‘ there’s an elk, though. there’s a deer over there. ’ ‘ here’s the remains and rubble of one of the greatest unsolved mysteries of all time and you’re looking at the fucking deer in the forrest. ’ ‘ maybe they were in there telling ghost stories. ’ ‘ that’s not what pillow talk is, i don’t think. ’ ‘ pillow talk could either mean something you do after sex or it could mean what’s like sleepover talk. ’ ‘ do you tell ghost stories after sex? ’ ‘ all very effective for– for murder. ’ ‘ they stabbed him so hard that the knife bent. ’ ‘ you would think that there’d be at least one witness. ’ ‘ you see someone running through the forrest covered in blood, you’re probably not gonna bat an eye. ’ ‘ that’s not how the forrest works. ’ ‘ excuse me, sir. why are you covered in blood? ’ ‘ i’m glad to know that you would be the worst crime scene witness of all time. ’ ‘ oh, you were phrasing it in a dramatic way. ’ ‘ what is it about killers– that they want to be caught so badly… or like they want to get as close to being caught without being caught? ’ ‘ i can’t put my mind into the mind of a criminal. ’ ‘ i can put my mind into the mind of a criminal. ’ ‘ some of them must be friends, others would like to plunge knives into each other. ’ ‘ i can imagine one friend of yours murdering you. ’ ‘ i’m pretty sure there was a coverup by the police department. ’ ‘ 70′s and 80′s police were always just like, ‘oh, you murdered someone? you got forty bucks?’ ’ ‘ great! what else do you want?! i murdered people for you! and now… what? ’ ‘ oh, so i’m the psycho cause i murdered for you!? ’ ‘ what, the police were just writing fan fiction? ’ ‘ this is just baffling to me. ’ ‘ i guess that’s their job, but can you imagine how much goddamn paperwork is involved in that? so much! ’ ‘ i’m pretty sure we’re being watched, so i kind of wanna leave, to be honest. ’ ‘ i’ve had enough of this place and i haven’t even been here that long. i hate this place. ’ ‘ this boogeyman is very thorough. ’ ‘ i guess we’re lucky he got lazy. ’ ‘ the greatest safety precautions of our time are written in blood. ’ ‘ i think they’re tired of this ongoing saga that never ends. ’ ‘ you know, i actually disagree with that last sentiment. ’ ‘ this is like straight-up end of days shit going on. ’ ‘ this could’ve been the beginning of the zombie apocalypse, in my mind. ’ ‘ i’ve daydreamed about having an amazing bunker that has satellite tv. ’ ‘ ‘bad advil’ sounds like a shitty indie band. ’ ‘ the wild west was the 80′s. ’ ‘ in the 80′s you could walk in a store, pocket a soda, punch a guy in the face, and then be like ‘see ya later. fuck you!’ cops wouldn’t get to your door for weeks. ’ ‘ he had books that were just titled ‘how to crime’? if he had a book called ‘how to crime’ then there’s your guy. ’ ‘ oh, yeah… nah, i’m good. eh, bit of a reach. ’ ‘ some old lady in florida bought the unabomber’s typewriter? ’ ‘ maybe this guy was really in the dog house and was just desperate for any kind of turn of affection from her so he thought, ‘i know that i’ll do! i’ll write the fbi!’ ’ ‘ no, i didn’t– what, is there anything to suggest that i would chase my mom with an axe? ’ ‘ i think you wear a mask sometimes. ’ ‘ maybe you should keep digging and see what happens. ’ ‘ these are two messed up weirdos who have found each other and it’s almost a shockingly beautiful love story. ’ ‘ i don’t get it. i just wanna talk about my work and everyone just keeps seeming to bring up all my past of all the shitty stuff i’ve done. ’ ‘ ugh, this guy’s gross. ’ ‘ it must’ve been fun to be a criminal in the 80′s. ’ ‘ everything before the 80′s – just lawless. ’ ‘ get your sunglasses ready because this one is packed full of bright stars. ’ ‘ i’m good to go. i’m always ready, baby! ’ ‘ it came true so she was actually warranted in all these fears. ’ ‘ this would be like if you were eaten by a shark. ’ ‘ i thought for a second we were talking about things that are actually scary. ’ ‘ i’m gonna let this slide because i know you’re just trying to get a rise out of me. ’ ‘ does that man have a magical penis or something? ’ ‘ you think the only reason someone would go back to someone is because they have a magical penis? ’ ‘ i feel like divorce is probably a lot of work. ’ ‘ do you not know how love works? ’ ‘ maybe i don’t know how love works. ’ ‘ i have a hard time imagining someone going gaga over christopher walken. ’ ‘ i bet when you get in a room with christopher walken, he commands the space. ’ ‘ i brought some cocktail weenies. ’ ‘ one of my greatest fears is that someone will trick me into doing heroin. ’ ‘ that’s the dumbest fear i’ve ever heard in my life. ’ ‘ how many situations can you be in that would put you up to that potential danger? ’ ‘ how many parties are you going to where heroin’s involved? it seems like a lot. ’ ‘ it’s the fear that someone would come up to me on the street and put heroin in me and then i’m hooked forever. ’ ‘ here’s what must’ve happened… these forty things, in succession. ’ ‘ what are you trying to do, fuck my wife? ’ ‘ why would he make this up? ’ ‘ he– he was just trying to fuck someones wife. ’ ‘ i can’t imagine murdering someone even when drunk. ’ ‘ when you drink you can imagine murdering someone?! ’ ‘ i ate a pumpkin once when i was drunk… i just took a bite out of a pumpkin. ’ ‘ that’s a rational fear! ’ ‘ that is not a rational fear! ’ ‘ these are the musings of a paranoid man. ’

letdreamsbememes

VEEP SEASON 1 / PT. 1 All quotes are taken directly from the series, change pronouns as you like. Heavy swearing and NSFW.

I am in a room with three people and a fuckload of quiche.

She’s mediocre, really. Of all the -ocres, she’s the mediest.

You know, he calls that “The Leviathan.”

Ooh, you got the nuclear codes in there?

Yeah, well, next time pack an espresso machine in your big fuckin’ bitch bag.

He’s a massive and total shit. When you first meet him, you think surely to God this man can’t be as big a shit as he seems, but he is. ‘Cause like if there were a book with covers made of shit, you’d think “That’s intriguing. I wonder what’s in this book that they saw fit to give it covers made of pure shit.” And then you open it and… shit.

What’s left here? I’ve got “hello” and I have… prepositions.

'Cause all ambition you had left your body a long time ago and now all you’ve got left in the last 10 remaining years of your working life is a damp apartment, cold crab cakes, and an invisible fucking dog.

Oh, my God, this heat is just unbearable.

That’s why I get paid the medium bucks.

Oh, are you still tracking my every move? I thought we agreed to move on.

It was like getting over mild food poisoning.

I am genuinely sorry that my arrival here has caused you to become so self-conscious and gain a little weight.

Whassup, as they say in the late '90s?

She’d be a rough fighter, though. She’s got big shoulders. Those aren’t pads.

It is the Hoover Dam… filled with shit.

You dumped my daughter by text and didn’t even apologize.

I signed off with colon open brackets.

We need somebody who is plugged in. The only thing _______ is plugged into is his fucking piss-bag.

I’ve met some people. Okay, real people. And I gotta tell ya a lot of 'em are fucking idiots.

You guys, are we seriously gonna let the guy with the police sketch face of a rapist tell us what to do?

letdreamsbememes

VEEP SEASON 2 / PT. 1 All quotes are taken directly from the series, change pronouns as you like. Heavy swearing and NSFW.

He’s got ice in his semen.

The Pol Pot of pie charts! Wow, that guy is ruthless!

Screw you and the face you rode in on.

You have three kids by two different guys, maybe your last word should’ve been “No.”

You take your eyebrows, and you get out!

Jesus, I can feel my virginity growing back in here.

I need that stuff that junkies use. You know, when it takes a cop 15 bullets to put him down.

You know what, why don’t you put on your running shoes and get to the fuckin’ point?

Okay, so they want me to go to a pig roast to meet a bunch of men who probably took turns to fuck the pig before they roasted it?

Okay, well, let’s see, I’d rather set fire to my vulva. So that’s a no.

This must the first pet project of yours that didn’t involve resorting to chloroform.

You know, you’re about as annoying as a condom filled with fire ants.

God, I hate numbers. I mean there’s cultures that don’t even have any numbers, and they do just fine!

I don’t like your tone.

Oh, where is the Great and Powerful Oz, by the way?

And it’s your job to coordinate that, maestro!

You said that everything was moveable, and that’s not moveable. That’s immovable.

This is like explaining gravity to a chicken!

Right? You get that? You understand it? Do you need to Google it?

You have made a fuck-up the size of France, and you are fucking grinning about it!

Nothing fancy, but she gets the job done. You know, like a cast-iron skillet or Kevin Bacon.

You still pissed you can’t get in with _______? Nobody can, he’s half-robot, half… robot. He’s a robot.

I had to pretend not to like it to ________ while pretending to like it like he was pretending to like it, but he didn’t actually like it, and I actually really liked it.

Get off the plane.

shit said in my discord channels part 4 sentence starters

"i am literally internally combusting as we speak."

"i hate it and i hate you."

"i love you too."

*squints loudly*

"roll to actually be useful *rolls a nat20* i just discovered the cure for death."

"THE SHITTER IS AN EXCUSE THAT CANNOT WAIT, HOWEVER."

"PRECIOUS BITCH."

"BUNS OF STEEL."

"what afuckin' banger."

"you talk in the best way you just, have one of the greatest vocabularies."

"if something gay is going on, i want to be part of it."

"i just told my friend that i hope their mom "gits gud" instead of "get better" i am a wreck."

"hmm."

"why are you so into x?"

"because i crave death."

"🅱️ee your 🅱️ants."

"unfortuNUT."

"okay doctor whomst."

"I WAS QUOTING JURASSIC PARK. YOU DAMN FOOL."

"wouldn't that essentially make him a dilf?

"eat my ASS."

"SLURP."

"OH MY FUCKING GOD."

bluesmemethings

contouring 101 starters

“ what can I say ? I’m a fountain of wisdom . ”

“ get your god damn teeth fixed you snaggletooth bitch . ”

“ that one hurt my feelings a bit , I’m not going to lie . ”

“ I’m too poor for dental work . ”

“ makeup is for women who want husbands . ”

“ contouring is for women who want to leech the souls of their dead lovers and collect the inheritance of their exboyfriends who disappeared under mysterious circumstances . ”

“ if men find out that we can rearrange the bones of our face , we’re finished . ”

“ we might as well pack our bags and go to the nunnery ! ”

“ since it’s simply for the dick , we have to do it . ”

“ it doesn’t matter , because men are stupid . ”

“ so long as you look like a newborn baby , they are willing to mate with you . ”

“ I regret buying both . ”

“ as you can see here , I have no flesh . ”

“ I had to pretend I was schizophrenic so he’d think that I was playing in cat shit and he’d leave me alone . ”

“ if the men find out we can shapeshift , they’re going to tell the church . ”

“ men will be bewitched and hand over their wallets . ”

“ men don’t like nostrils . ”

“ you want to look like a pterodactyl . men love pterodactyls . ”

“ beautiful women don’t have foreheads . ”

“ if you have too big of a brain it means you have ugly things , like opinions and thoughts of your own . ”

“ rich people don’t need to breathe . ”

“ who needs air when I have another man’s money ? ”

“ look at me , I’m turning into a completely different person . ”

“ lady gladiators fight like giraffes . ”

“ I look like rihanna . ”

“ who wants to give me their money ? ”

“ where is my nose ? I don’t know . ”

“ does she have nostrils ? no , she doesn’t . ”

“ I look like a completely different person . ”

“ men will die tonight . ”

“ women are dangerous creatures . ”

bluesmemethings

The Last Unicorn (1982) starters.

❛ I dislike the feel of these woods. ❜

❛ Unicorns? I thought they only existed in fairytales. ❜

❛ This is a forest like any other. Isn’t it ? ❜

❛ Let’s turn around. Hunt somewhere else. ❜

❛ This is no world for you. ❜

❛ Good luck to you, for you are the last. ❜

❛ What do men know ? ❜

❛ We are as old as the sky, old as the moon. ❜

❛ We can be hunted, we can be trapped, we can even be killed but we do not vanish ! ❜

❛ Have you traveled very far ? ❜

❛ Be a little respectful, do you know who I am ? ❜

❛ Your name is a golden bell, hung in my heart. ❜

❛ I would break my body to pieces to call you once by your name. ❜

❛ In all your wanderings, have you seen others like me ? ❜

❛ Have you seen the others? Where have they gone? Tell me which way I must go to find them. ❜

❛ No, no, listen ! Don’t listen to me, listen ! ❜

❛ You can find the others if you are brave. ❜

❛ What if they’re waiting for me ? In need of my help ? ❜

❛ Well hello there little one ! ❜

❛ And just who might you belong to ? a pretty little thing like you ? ❜

❛ In my heart I carry such a heavy load. ❜

❛ And here I thought I’d seen the last of them ! ❜

❛ I know you. If I were blind I would know what you are. ❜

❛ You wouldn’t have heard of me. ❜

❛ It’s not much of a job for a real magician, but I’ve had worse. ❜

❛ You’re mine. If you kill me, you’re still mine. ❜

❛ Your death sits in that cage and she hears you. ❜

❛ She’ll kill me one day or another, but she will remember forever that I caught her, that I held her prisoner. So there’s my immortality. ❜

❛ You were out on the road hunting for your own death ! ❜

❛ He’ll not have you ! You belong to me. ❜

❛ We are two sides of the same magic. ❜

❛ You are safer here. You should thank me for protecting you. ❜

❛ There has never been a spell on me before. ❜

❛ It’s a very rare person who is taken for what he truly is. ❜

❛ Will you help me ? ❜

❛ You’re my last chance. ❜

❛ Can you truly set me free ? ❜

❛ I asked him a riddle and it always takes that lout all night to solve riddles. ❜

❛ the spell was wrong but there was true magic in it ! try again. ❜

❛ My dear you deserve the services of a great wizard but I’m afraid you’ll have to be glad of the aide of a second rate pickpocket. ❜

❛ Okay, (name), I give up. Why is a raven like a writing desk ? ❜

❛ She’ll kill you if you set her free ! ❜

❛ Don’t look back, and don’t run. ❜

❛ You must never run from anything immortal, it attracts their attention. ❜

❛ She chose her death long ago. It was the fate she wanted. ❜

❛ You have no regrets as I do ? ❜

❛ I’ve never seen anyone like you. Not while I was awake, anyway. ❜

❛ I’m going where they are, to learn whatever they know. ❜

❛ Take me with you ! for luck, for laughs, for the unknown. ❜

❛ You could never have granted my true wish. ❜

❛ I cannot turn you into something you are not. ❜

❛ Hide yourself ! We’ll find each other later. ❜

❛ Mind your heads now, it’s raining ninnies ! ❜

❛ Put me down you fool ! ❜

❛ I don’t like the look of him. ❜

❛ That’s only (name)’s way, but she has a good heart. ❜

❛ This is not happening. ❜

❛ We’ll both be gentlemen of leisure in a months time. ❜

❛ Oh, I love you. ❜

❛ She shall never have you ! ❜

❛ We will perish together. ❜

❛ Did you see me ? Were you watching ? ❜

❛ Did you see what I made ? ❜

❛ It’s gone now, but I had it ! ❜

❛ Where have you been ? Where have you been ! ? ❜

❛ Where were you when I was new ? ❜

❛ How dare you come to me now when I am this ! ❜

❛ It’s alright, I forgive you. ❜

❛ You can’t come with us ! we’re on a quest ! ❜

❛ Well, you’re going the wrong way. ❜

❛ You have all the power you need if you dare to look for it. ❜

❛ What have you done ! ? ❜

❛ The power will come to me whenever I need it, and one day! One day it will come to me when I call ! ❜

❛ You are an idiot ! ❜

❛ Don’t ! Don’t you hurt yourself ! ❜

❛ I can feel this body dying all around me ! ❜

❛ You are losing my interest, and that is very dangerous. ❜

❛ I will keep nothing near me that does not make me happy. ❜

❛ How would you know ? ❜

❛ Well, just look at you ! ❜

❛ Come on, I’ll write you a reference. ❜

❛ You have let your doom in by the front door ! ❜

❛ What are you looking at ? ❜

❛ What is the matter with your eyes ? ❜

❛ You may come and go as you please. ❜

❛ My secrets guard themselves, may yours do the same. ❜

❛ Please, let me help you. What can I do for you ? ❜

❛ And then she looked at me and I was sorry I had killed the thing. ❜

❛ For her sake I’ve become a hero but my great deeds mean nothing to her ! ❜

❛ I wish to be whatever she has most need of. ❜

❛ You are cruel to him. ❜

❛ He only wishes you to think of him. ❜

❛ Who am I ? Why am I here ? ❜

❛ I knew a moment ago, but I have forgotten. ❜

❛ I was innocent and wise and full of pain. ❜

❛ Now that I’m a woman, everything has changed. ❜

❛ Why won’t you help me ? Why must you always speak in riddles ? ❜

❛ I would tell you what you want to know if I could. ❜

❛ I am always dreaming, even when I am awake. It is never finished. ❜

❛ I would court you with more grace if I knew how. ❜

❛ Drown out my dreams. Keep me from remembering whatever wants me to remember it. ❜

❛ Words are always getting in my way. ❜

❛ That’s all I have to tell you. That’s all I’ve got to say. ❜

❛ I’m not a man of poetry. Music isn’t one with me. ❜

❛ As if I didn’t have enough troubles. ❜

❛ Well of course you’re of noble birth, anyone could see that. ❜

❛ Love is slowing you down, my lady. ❜

❛ It was pleasant enough at first, but it died quickly. ❜

❛ There is nothing of yours that I desire. ❜

❛ There is no movement of yours that has not betrayed you. ❜

❛ I like to watch them. They fill me with joy. ❜

❛ The first time I felt it, I thought I was going to die. ❜

❛ Do you dare still pretend to be human ? ❜

❛ It makes no difference. The end will be the same. I can wait. ❜

❛ Shut up you pretentious kneecap ! ❜

❛ How would you like a punch in the eye ? ❜

❛ It’s so nice to have someone to play with. ❜

❛ Try me tomorrow. Maybe I’ll tell you tomorrow. ❜

❛ Give it to me if you don’t want it but don’t throw it away ! ❜

❛ Give me the wine ! ❜

❛ You would have gone without me ? ❜

❛ No name you could give her would surprise or frighten me. ❜

❛ I love whom I love. ❜

❛ I will go no further. ❜

❛ Everything dies. I want to die when you die. ❜

❛ Yes, that is my wish. ❜

❛ I am a hero, and heroes know that things must happen when it is time for them to happen. ❜

❛ A quest may not simply be abandoned. ❜

❛ A happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story. ❜

❛ What if there isn’t a happy ending at all ? ❜

❛ There are no happy endings, because nothing ends. ❜

❛ Do something ! You have the power ! I will kill you if you don’t do something ! ❜

❛ That’s what heroes are for. ❜

❛ I’ve never had any friends before. ❜

❛ Men don’t always know when they’re happy. ❜

❛ I’m sorry. I have done you evil and I cannot undo it. ❜

❛ No sorrow will live in me as long as that joy. ❜

twilika

100 character interaction ideas to help hone your posing skills. These require two characters, but you can also grab a friend to draw the other one!

littlememebox

starters based on best-of-inspobot

source:best-of-inspobot

“pet a cat”

“it’s up to you to punch holes in your future“

“being hit repeatedly over the head with a hammer can be traumatizing”

“you are a slutty piece of meat”

“upset with how the world works? you will be”

“being human is a comedy about damnation”

“perhaps a lot of evils turn out the way they usually do because you’re actually already dead?”

“life is 110 percent incomprehensible”

“having a soul is not life-affirming”

“democracy is a freak show where the main attraction is shit”

“remain farty and be screwed”

“ask not ‘where’s the money’ but ‘wuddup bitches’“

“sexy today, unsexy tomorrow”

“maybe it can be nice to chill?”

“shut your mouth and have a fantastic day at work”

“people are coming for you”

“laugh at him”

“you carry the potential to become the sexiest maniac”

“why not get yourself a hammer?”

“sadness is not everybody’s cup of tea”

“skeletons. their goal is to kill you”

“the human spirit should be outlawed”

“you can be the reason why some random guy feels appreciated”

“sexy? lucky you”

“things should’ve been illegal”

“know that you are sensitive. know that you are welcome. know that you are amazeballs”

“eating rat poison can be deadly”

“you don’t have to be a jerk about life”

“most people say the definition of competence is falling down the staircase and forcing others to do the same”

“look into the mirror and say: you look great”

“feel your belly button rise and fall”

“please don’t start an online feud”

“if you will not be yourself, someone else will”

“heaven is working against you, of couse”

“birds are figments of your imagination”

“can you handle pain?”

“invert your left nostril backwards”

roleplayandaskmemes

Hyperbole and a Half Sentence Starters

“ I am finally coming to terms with the fact that I am not cut out to be a productive member of society.”

“You have no idea how much this would mean to me. I hate pants.”

“Try to use their nostalgia and insecurity over their broken dreams to get them on your side.”

“I wanted to tell you again that I am completely serious, just in case you didn’t believe me.”

“I was a little offended that he had so grossly underestimated my ability to accurately assess pain.”

“My body doesn’t seem to understand that the antibiotics are on its side.”

“Okay then, if you don’t want to fail, I would suggest not dying. Nobody wins if you die.“

“If you are one of those people who is diametrically opposed to change, I am sincerely sorry.”

“I am now somewhat competent to oblige your wishes.”

“Raw stupidity coupled with an unrelenting devotion to my olympic pipe-dream got me out the door.”

“If only I had known what a fickle stroke of luck this was.”

“Only after my hydration status had returned to normal could I see the error of my judgement.”

“When someone who looks like a character from a horror flick asks you to do something, you don’t ask questions.”

“Well, if you ever wondered, calling Poison Control is not nearly as fun as you’d think it would be.”

"No _____, I don’t think you are going to die. You might throw up, though."

“At 6:00 AM, this kind of behavior is alarming and unnecessary.”

“Are you high? Why would I want you to do that?”

“Let’s just say that if my account balance was a pile of rocks, I would not have a very big pile of rocks.”

“ My moral standards get a little hazy when I am facing this kind of deprivation.”

“I didn’t even mind that I was sitting on a week’s worth of Burger King wrappers.”

“This was completely unnecessary and awkward, but I admired your chivalry.”

“Because of your bravery and quick, instinctive action, I hereby grant you 400 full repetitions of the chorus to "Yellow Submarine” free from my judgement.”

“I am not saying this to be mean, but you seriously sound like a cross between a fog horn and a chainsaw.”

“You smelled like beer-sweat and failure.”

“Why is it that I always rely on old-timer expressions to avoid awkward moments?”

“I used the spatula to scrape off the worst of the mess. It didn’t really work. I just destroyed the spatula too.”

“If I tilted my head just right, I couldn’t even tell that it was irreparably damaged.”

“Sadly, all the ingenuity in the world cannot make up for a total lack of foresight.”

“It was a quadruple-dog dare. I didn’t want to look like a coward.”

“My best efforts at attractiveness only succeeded at making me look vaguely like something you’d see in Cirque de Soleil.”

“I feel thoroughly confident that I have already experienced the rock-bottom of my life.”

“ The ridiculousness of it all is overwhelming.”

“As an __-year-old, I had not yet fully grasped the concept of mortality or how my actions could increase or decrease my likelihood of experiencing it.”

rp-memesrus

I work at an all girl’s summer camp, and here’s some real things that the camp counselors have actually said: SENTENCE STARTERS EDITION

feel free to edit for pronouns/tense etc. strong language, sexual / adult themes, tw: vomit.

“I don’t function whether I have sleep or not.”

“What is tea?”

“We just need to marinate his personality a little bit.”

“Oh no, there’s no one to hold my hand!”

“Sounds like that’s not my job.”

“Can you automate me a sandwich?”

“I am irate.”

“There are two types of people in this world: counselors and peasants.”

“There’s a serpent in my footwear.”

“Emotional trauma is fun.”

“I have many talents. Most of them are completely useless.”

“Settle down, Satan.”

“Do you feel reduced, reused, and recycled?”

“Well that sounds like a fucking lie.”

“I don’t instigate. I just participate.”

“When I go to craft stores, I blackout.”

“I’m not dead…yet.”

“Flip flops are the bread of the foot.”

“There’s a whole lot of hip and not a lot of hop.”

“Soda is spicy.”

“I’m going to die somehow, and if it’s from salmonella from eating raw cookie dough, then so be it.”

“I have a great Shakira impersonation.”

“Maybe they’ll learn if they lose a couple of fingers.”

“I care more about the content of their character than the pizazz in their pants.

“My hip is not used to this motion.”

“I can’t believe I put a bra on for that.”

“She has the balance of a newborn deer.”

“I’m literally a fuckboy.”

“Hey look, cute boys! Oh, they’re not cute, but at least they’re still boys.”

“Shit is usually going downhill by now.”

“Two months ago, you did something stupid.”

“I made a difference.”

“You tried.”

“Is this a science camp or a prostitution camp?”

“You scared the juice out of her.”

“I am NEVER having kids!”

“This is my uterus talking.”

“I’m not above throwing hands with a seventh grader.”

“I have a 670 day streak on Snapchat with my Mom.”

“My grandma just screams all the time.”

“We can all starve, and then it’s free!”

“It kind of feels like I’m in purgatory.”

“Are you sure the epi-pen is only as needed?”

“I feel like I’m always living in a vine.”

“There has been nothing born of this womb.”

“I feel like I’m dying.”

“I feel like I’m dying, but someone set me on fire, but like, in a good way.”

“I cry myself to sleep every single night.”

“I aspire to be not poor.”

“There’s no such thing as too cool for school when you’re paying tuition.”

“Surprise! I’m fully clothed.”

“We’re having problems with the girls having sass.”

“SEX?!”

“Why does my boob keep getting touched this week?”

“I’ll baby bird vomit into your mouth.”

“Did someone touch my butt?”

“Wow, you really are lonely.”

“I don’t care for that.”

“What would Abraham Lincoln think about that?”

“They were boy scouts, not man scouts.”

“Gift wrapping is my shit.”

“I am not caffeinated…that is a lie.”

“I’ve had to pee since 2015.”

“I’m going to pour some cow’s milk into my mouth straight from the teat.”

“I just posted on Instagram; go like it, you bitch.”

“Most people cry when I walk into the room.”

“What if Pop Sockets were for toes?”

“That feedback is not very timely.”

“I don’t even know what World War 2 was.”

“Pics or it didn’t happen.”

“That sounds like a personal problem.”

villainsmemes-deactivated202503

“It is the season of extra.”

“Welcome to my extended birthday party that lasts a month long.”

“I’m going to show you a magic trick.”

“I really don’t care.”

“I don’t have all the ingredients for this…”

“Should I flip this?”

“Okay, done, easy, what else you got?”

“Now [she’s/he’s/they’re] never gonna leave.”

“All I’ve ever known is doing it to ‘em.”

“I’m really not mad at it.”

“See…what you need here…is a knife.”

“I need to apologize before anything begins…”

“You’re gonna like it.”

“It’s gonna be good for us.”

“How are you holding that in your hand?!”

“I don’t want to go to the emergency room today.”

“I know you have urges to grab knives by their blade, but…”

“I knew I should have come down here and supervised you.”

“That’s fucking really loud.”

“I don’t need supervision.”

“I had to do it to ‘em.”

“I love when you cook and I do nothing.”

“I’m going to go lay down.”

“How did you get it to taste like that?”

“I wasn’t listening.”

“Exspandex these muscles to open this bag!”

“I can’t stand when you’re so charming and sweet and the best.”

“If you weren’t so funny and adorable, I would just fucking move out.”

“I don’t see the issue.”

“Impress me! Don’t go out of your way, don’t kill yourself, but impress me!”

“I might not have done the absolute perfect job, but that’s irrelevant.”

“How can I fight a recipe?”

*box jumps onto the counter*

“How hot are you?”

“Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well.”

“Have you ever considered NOT doing it to ‘em?”

“Welcome back to my kitchen.”

“I need to come to an understanding that sometimes people make mistakes. And I am about to make one today. 95% sure what a big mistake will take place right here.”

“Maybe try sitting down before I say this next part.”

“I made it out of scratch just for you.”

“You might be asking yourself: that’s disgusting.”

“What you did is really unforgivable.”

“They don’t know how to do it to ‘em!”

“You might not be Australian.”

“That’s not allowed. That shouldn’t be allowed?”

“I’m too tired for this.”

“If it goes horribly wrong, as it often does…then whatever.”

“I heard cheese sauce and I just came running.”