memes for rp.

[letdreamsbememes]

SHIT MY FRIENDS SAY PART 2 Some of the quotes from our shenanigans, carefully collected over the years. NSFW, cussing, and all that jazz. Feel free to change pronouns as you like!

“As soon as he started talking to me, I could feel my uterus shrivelling up.”

“We just got a bunch of 16-year-olds drunk.”

“I’m not gay or anything, but I would. I totally would.”

“Well, shit! That’s harder than the dick of a 14-year-old who just discovered Internet porn!”

“I don’t know who said that. Some politician. … Franz Beckenbauer.”

“Stop eating that éclair so suggestively.”

“Do they speak German in Austria?”

“Reading the IPA aloud just sounds like a trip to IKEA.”

“But you can’t actually fall past the Earth, can you?”

“That’s the national anthem. What do you mean by ‘I don’t know that song’?”

“No cage can hold my titties.”

“I just got asked for my ID for buying beer. Beer is legal at 16. How young do I look!?”

“Sometimes I go to IKEA to buy candy there because it’s cheaper than in a supermarket. But then I feel guilty and buy like, a lightbulb as an alibi. I currently have 17 lightbulbs I have no use for.”

“Hi, can you play ‘Die Motherfucker Die’? It’s me and my boyfriend’s song.”

“No, that’s not an allegory, it’s a fact.”

“I really like how you employed several distinct figures of speech when you yelled at those thugs.”

“The problem with France is that there are so many French people.”

“We should make a Rammstein cover band.”

“Why does he look like the drummer of a Gothic Metal band?”

“How did you go? The instructor just got up in the middle of the test and left the room, that’s how it went.”

“You’re about as funny as breaking your leg on the first day of the summer holidays!”

“You know I’d really like to come, but right now, I can’t even be arsed to come up with an excuse, so no.”

[letdreamsbememes]

NIGHTWISH’S DARK PASSION PLAY PT.3 quotes from their album ‘Dark Passion Play’. Feel free to change pronouns as you like!

“Heaven today is but a way to a place I once called home.”

“As another love goes cold.”

“For the heart, I’ll never have, for the child forever gone.”

“For the heart I once had.”

“Living today without a way to understand the weight of the world.”

“Faded, torn and forlorn, my weak and hoping heart.”

“I believe and foresee everything I could ever be.”

“Time will not heal a dead boy’s scars.”

“Time will kill.”

“Sea without a shore for the vanished one unheard.”

“He lightens the beacon at the end of the world.”

“Showing the way, lighting hope in their hearts.”

“The ones and their travels homeward from afar.”

“This is for long-forgotten light at the end of the world.”

“The albatross is flying, making him daydream the time before he became one of the world’s unseen.”

“Life gave him it all: an island of the universe.”

“Now his love’s a memory, a ghost in the fog.”

“He sets the sails for the last time, saying farewell to the world.”

“Horizon’s crying the tears he left behind long ago.”

“The wolves, my love, will come.”

“Taking us home where dust once was a man.”

“Is there a life before a death?”

“Do we long too much and never let in?”

“Where will we be when they come?”

“Seven days to the poison and a place in heaven!”

“This is my church of choice.”

“Love’s strength standeth in love’s sacrifice.”

“I will dream like a god.”

“And suffer like all the dead children.”

“This is where heroes and cowards part ways.”

“And all the poetry in the world finally makes sense to me.”

“Save one death for me!”

“Put to rest all that’s not life.”

“Sometimes a dream turns into a dream.”

[letdreamsbememes]

QUOTES FROM WORLD OF WARCRAFT PT. 3/? All quotes are direct quotes from Blizzard’s game World of Warcraft. Feel free to change pronouns as you like!

Can you feel it?

The sins of the past have finally caught up to you.

You will be called to account.

Your death will be no different.

Finally… he’s been made to pay for his atrocities.

Let them come.

I… I feared for your sanity.

For you… I would give my life a thousand times.

You need to talk before you act!

By attacking them, you forced their hand!

We got to work together on this.

Look now to your defences.

You made me! 

You left me to pick up your pieces!

You failed me!

I watch as they slowly become aware of your ineptitude.

I laugh as they grow to despise you, as I do.

No king rules forever.

Only death rules forever.

Is it over?

I see only darkness before me…

This last act of service is mine.

Look how they fall, like blades of grass in the wind.

It only hurts this much the first time.

There may be yet a shred of potential in you.

Is that all you got?

She has sent you to your deaths.

I am the beginning of the end.

Things are about to get much worse.

You have made a grave mistake.

I may not be a politician, but I am a fighter.

You have to trust me.

Then we must save him.

If I must die today, I will die with honour!

[letdreamsbememes]

TOM CARDY SONGS PT.1 Lyrics from Tom Cardy’s songs. Change however you like.

“She was perfect from what I could tell.”

“How could I not see the danger right in front of me?”

“I think that I’m gonna get murdered tonight.”

“I like it for the plot!”

“I don’t want to get stabbed!”

“Why are you blinking so much?”

“No, thank you, I don’t wanna die.”

“Is this because your date is a freak?”

“Stop hiding behind your silly made-up red flag.”

“You could be my world, the love of my life.”

“I can finally open myself up to love!”

“I’m really sorry for punchin’ your dad in the dick.”

“You think I’m sexy, I’m being mysterious?”

“Stop punchin’ my dad’s dick.”

“Oh, baby, you’ve played this game before. Too bad, I’ve played a little bit more.”

“Have you checked your butthole?”

“Of course I’m not serious.”

“But a funny thing to say to someone who’s lost their shit and is stressed out visibly.”

“I want to, but I do not say it.”

“Is it up your butthole?”

“Think it’s stuck up your ass.”

“Are you capable of not saying it’s up my asshole?”

“I’m not looking for a silly joke right now.”

“This might be the reason that I’ve got no close friends.”

“Fuckin’ worth it, baby!”

“I didn’t come to your party to talk about boring shit.”

“Everybody at the party has a job.”

“Fuck off, this is dog pat town.”

“Pope of pattin’ party dog, that’s my job.”

“So kiss the ring motherfucker, and I’ll let you stay.”

“Don’t speak, you don’t have to say it.”

“He tried to sell me meth.”

“The motherfucker thinks that he’s the Camerlengo.”

“Now my Pope metaphor sucks.”

“Where did I go wrong?”

“I’m done being told what I’m allowed to be.”

“I really want a high five.”

“I'vе met your family, I know your home address.”

“Welcome to the friggin’ pain rodeo!”

“I’m about to get you slapped.”

“Oh, I’m a little bit naughty.”

“Someone hacked your Twitter account.”

“You’ll damage our friendship.”

[letdreamsbememes]

TOM CARDY SONGS PT.2 Lyrics from Tom Cardy’s songs. Change however you like.

“I don’t really care so I’m checking it once.”

“Pretty fucking funny but also pretty naughty.”

“I’m the big boy, so I decidе, baby.”

“It mеans that I don’t have to deliver shit!”

“Hey, _______, do you have a moment?”

“Oh, hello ________ back so soon from your court-mandated coffee break, you Marxist fuck?”

“I can do whatever I want, I’m ________, baby!”

“Oh, now you’re strongly advising me, are you?”

“All through the year, I’ve been watching you, while you’ve been asleep, while you’ve been awake.”

“You spend your time inside drinking red wine and masturbating?”

“I couldn’t give a fuck and you can check on that twice.”

“Hey, I don’t work here!”

“Hey, I don’t work here, but maybe I should!”

“Silly me! I’ve had the pasta all along, fuck you!”

“I made a middle-aged woman cry today!”

"You gotta save my kid!”

“But he rolls his eyes so I kind of snap.”

“That way I could help relieve that nasty sting for you.”

“It seems there’s been a planned attack.”

“Ok, I don’t, let me find someone alright? Just relax!”

“Hey! I-I said - ok. We’re under attack!”

“Ok, I don’t have the authority to do that.”

“It’s been a long day so I speak for us all.”

“Hey, I don’t work here! And if I did, I would not surrender shit!”

“Do you think the president of Earth has a fucking mullet?”

“Take 10 minutes to call your mother.”

“A text is not enough.”

“I’m telling you to facetime that hot bitch.”

“It’s called empathy. Use it once in a while, you dumbfuck.”

“You’ve got the power to be a massive sick cunt.”

“But you haters bеtter not act surprised!”

“Haters gonna hate when you’re hashtag inspirational!”

“Don’t be distracted by the emojis that I’m using.”

“Listen to your heart, when your brain does a fart out its asshole, that’s your soul.”

“Isn’t that like a pyramid scheme? “

[letdreamsbememes]

TOM CARDY SONGS PT.3 Lyrics from Tom Cardy’s songs. Change however you like.

“I’m pretty hungover and I’m scat and I’m dry.”

“I’ve done bad things to my body, now I’m goin’ through hell.”

“Don’t you fuckin’ ruin Mother’s day again.”

“I heard what they said, but I couldn’t care less.”

“I think that I’m still drunk.“

“I’m gonna get the most expensive thing on the menu.”

“I’m a businessman with a business plan.”

“I also think that you’re a cop.”

“Why does he have a gun?“

“Oh, look, there’s a sniper pointed at my forehead.”

“Do it now, take the shot.”

“That’s a pretty dumb name.”

“Call for backup or we’re all gonna die.”

“Let me tell you a little story.”

“Lemme make sure I heard you right…”

“Only stupid motherfuckers would talk shit around _______.”

“I’m not sure ________ knew that they had a literal gun…”

“I know that they’re packing heat.”

“They know that they can fuck themself.”

"Come out here _________, you’re just as well already dead!”

“You been tellin’ everybody I’m a deadbeat daddy?”

“Didn’t know I tried to save ya?“

“You know how I feel about you.”

“I think I know how you feel about me too.”

“You say you love me but words are cheap.”

“Your love is not quite enough, I need some expensive cool shit too.”

“I think I know my value, I’m not here to barter.”

“I know you love me.”

“Oh shit, can you picture that? A dog riding a jetski with a backwards flat cap.”

“Do you want to be my lady?“

“I want to raise your baby.”

“My only job is to pleasure you.”

“It’s an aphrodisiac, girl.”

“I paint your clam like a Botticelli.”

“You can be my Rose and I can be your Jack but we’re not on a boat.”

“The sexual tension is still Titanic.”

“If I was stalling you would know that I was stalling because I’m bad at stalling.”

[letdreamsbememes]

TOM CARDY SONGS PT.3 Lyrics from Tom Cardy’s songs. Change however you like.

“I’m pretty hungover and I’m scat and I’m dry.”

“I’ve done bad things to my body, now I’m goin’ through hell.”

“Don’t you fuckin’ ruin Mother’s day again.”

“I heard what they said, but I couldn’t care less.”

“I think that I’m still drunk.“

“I’m gonna get the most expensive thing on the menu.”

“I’m a businessman with a business plan.”

“I also think that you’re a cop.”

“Why does he have a gun?“

“Oh, look, there’s a sniper pointed at my forehead.”

“Do it now, take the shot.”

“That’s a pretty dumb name.”

“Call for backup or we’re all gonna die.”

“Let me tell you a little story.”

“Lemme make sure I heard you right…”

“Only stupid motherfuckers would talk shit around _______.”

“I’m not sure ________ knew that they had a literal gun…”

“I know that they’re packing heat.”

“They know that they can fuck themself.”

"Come out here _________, you’re just as well already dead!”

“You been tellin’ everybody I’m a deadbeat daddy?”

“Didn’t know I tried to save ya?“

“You know how I feel about you.”

“I think I know how you feel about me too.”

“You say you love me but words are cheap.”

“Your love is not quite enough, I need some expensive cool shit too.”

“I think I know my value, I’m not here to barter.”

“I know you love me.”

“Oh shit, can you picture that? A dog riding a jetski with a backwards flat cap.”

“Do you want to be my lady?“

“I want to raise your baby.”

“My only job is to pleasure you.”

“It’s an aphrodisiac, girl.”

“I paint your clam like a Botticelli.”

“You can be my Rose and I can be your Jack but we’re not on a boat.”

“The sexual tension is still Titanic.”

“If I was stalling you would know that I was stalling because I’m bad at stalling.”

[letdreamsbememes]

SHIT MY COLLEAGUES SAY PT. 3 new colleagues, same shit. carefully collected over the years, slightly altered to make it universal. cursing.

"did you know… can‘t read"

"Is there a war again? Because I just got an e-mail with ‚received with tanks‘."

"If you have any questions, please do not consider contacting us."

"Well the e-mail did find me. Not well, but it found me."

"Please tell me that he isn’t taking out a ukulele."

"This isn’t sex, you can finish early."

"Here, eat this for better shits."

"We’ve been struck by the office shitter again…"

"You can update this as you seem necessary. I mean deem. But seem too."

"Is the Committee of the Coffee Maker convening again?"

"Can he just stop leaning over there? "

"Let's be real, you won't win any war with them by your side."

"At least bread can go moldy, what are their abilities?"

"You are such a little goblin."

"Next meeting is down in the bunker. ... shit, corporate is like war."

"Please, if I wanted to see a group of guys jerking each other off, I could just watch some porn."

"I want to see the hot baker chase you with his baguette."

"I don't like horses. They bite me. I prefer them on my plate. I bite them."

"I'm sorry for sending you five e-mails. Have a relaxing evening."

"If you fuck with karma... karma fucks you harder."

"How do you say 'I hope your dick gets stuck in a blender' in corporate?"

"Is HR trying to get us drunk?"

"Just put a swear jar in front of ______ and we can go for dinner by the end of the week."

"Momma needs sugar."

"Of course you can do this, but get ready to have our legal team breathing down your neck."

"It's so hard taking you seriously when you're sitting there with your little cupcake and kicking your legs because the chair's too high for you."

"I call this outfit 'oh fuck oh god i pray i won't have to pee'."

"I AM FUCKING FUNNY AND CHARISMATIC, YOU TROGLODYTES!"

[letdreamsbememes]

LINES FROM MY FAVOURITE LOVE SONGS PT 1/? because i’m self-indulgent like that. feel free to change anything you like. 

ANNIE’S SONG.

“Come let me love you.”

“Let me give my life to you.”

“Let me drown in your laughter.”

“Let me die in your arms.”

“Let me lay down beside you.”

“Let me always be with you.”

GHOST LOVE SCORE.

“My fall will be for you.”

“My love will be in you.”

“If you be the one to cut me, I’ll bleed forever.”

“You were the one to cut me, so I’ll bleed forever.”

“I’ll be there when you say, time to never hold our love.”

CAN’T HELP FALLING IN LOVE.

“Would it be a sin If I can’t help falling in love with you?”

“Take my hand.”

“Take my whole life, too.”

“Take my hand, take my whole life, too.”

TAKE ME TO CHURCH.

“I should’ve worshipped you sooner.”

“Command me to be well.”

“I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies.”

“I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife.”

“Offer me that deathless death.”

“Good God, let me give you my life.”

“There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin.”

MAUSOLEUM.

“Come inside my mausoleum.”

“Your fine lips, I would kiss you again.”

“So don’t be frightened by my skeleton.”

“I’d kill to touch your soft bony hands.”

“A mistake, a tragedy.”

“We’ve missed each other by a century.”

“A mistake, a tragedy, since we missed each other by a century.”

I’M NOT CALLING YOU A LIAR.

“I’m not calling you a liar, just don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not calling you a ghost, just stop haunting me.”

“And when you kiss me, I’m happy enough to die.”

“And I love you so much, I’m gonna let you kill me.”

[letdreamsbememes]

SHIT MY COLLEAGUES SAY, PT. 2 carefully collected over the years, slightly altered to make it universal. cursing.

"You do not fuck here! This is a fuck-free zone!"

"You look like you're about to give birth."

"It's terrifying how easily you lie."

"You can get a waiver when ______ shows up."

"Are you sure you still wanna drink your drink? You left it unsupervised. For five minutes. With me."

"Make me a meme. Put it in your working hours."

"You don't need to debate them. Just send me with a bottle of champagne... to beat the shit out of them."

"Can't we ask the secret service?"

(slides a note that reads kill me kill me kill me)

"You deserve that sticker."

"Do you know how to swallow?"

"We found an office for you in the basement. Alright, it's a closet. But it's a very stylish one."

"Great, now they think I'm a weirdo who just sits in their office in the dark, looking at the hallway like some troll under a bridge!"

"To be fair, you do give off a bridge troll vibe."

"Wow, that presentation gave me goosebumps. From cringe."

"My arms are too short."

"Stop mocking my tiny arms!"

"Tits don't have a gender."

"You came out, you don't have to act like you're into that anymore."

"I am legally not allowed to read, sorry."

"They're the definition of learned helplessness."

"Dear _____, no. Best regards."

"They're so ancient, I heard UNESCO is trying to get their body declared as a world heritage site."

"Please tell me it's someone's birthday today."

"Great, now I got tangerine juice all over me."

"Jokes on them, they don't know I called them wearing a very silly hat."

"I wish there were no witnesses."

"There are some kinks I can absolutely get behind. But not this."

[letdreamsbememes]

SHIT MY COLLEAGUES SAY PT. 3 new colleagues, same shit. carefully collected over the years, slightly altered to make it universal. cursing.

"did you know… can‘t read"

"Is there a war again? Because I just got an e-mail with ‚received with tanks‘."

"If you have any questions, please do not consider contacting us."

"Well the e-mail did find me. Not well, but it found me."

"Please tell me that he isn’t taking out a ukulele."

"This isn’t sex, you can finish early."

"Here, eat this for better shits."

"We’ve been struck by the office shitter again…"

"You can update this as you seem necessary. I mean deem. But seem too."

"Is the Committee of the Coffee Maker convening again?"

"Can he just stop leaning over there? "

"Let's be real, you won't win any war with them by your side."

"At least bread can go moldy, what are their abilities?"

"You are such a little goblin."

"Next meeting is down in the bunker. ... shit, corporate is like war."

"Please, if I wanted to see a group of guys jerking each other off, I could just watch some porn."

"I want to see the hot baker chase you with his baguette."

"I don't like horses. They bite me. I prefer them on my plate. I bite them."

"I'm sorry for sending you five e-mails. Have a relaxing evening."

"If you fuck with karma... karma fucks you harder."

"How do you say 'I hope your dick gets stuck in a blender' in corporate?"

"Is HR trying to get us drunk?"

"Just put a swear jar in front of ______ and we can go for dinner by the end of the week."

"Momma needs sugar."

"Of course you can do this, but get ready to have our legal team breathing down your neck."

"It's so hard taking you seriously when you're sitting there with your little cupcake and kicking your legs because the chair's too high for you."

"I call this outfit 'oh fuck oh god i pray i won't have to pee'."

"I AM FUCKING FUNNY AND CHARISMATIC, YOU TROGLODYTES!"

[letdreamsbememes]

SOVIETWOMBLE’S CS:GO BULLSHITTERY PT 1/? All quotes are taken directly from his video, swearing, mildly NSFW. Feel free to change pronouns as you like!

“If we can’t see us, they can’t see us!”

“No, trust me when I say this. The [gun] has good juju!”

“That’s the wrong guy, what are you doing!?”

“We’re off to a great start, guys!”

“Aww no, I don’t want this…”

“Oh, you cock. You dick face.”

“It’s not like you’re a terrorist trying to blow something up or anything… “

“The only thing you’d blow up is a doll.”

“Don’t give me the god damn bomb. It could go off!”

“I have no idea what he just said.”

“Crossfire! You know what a crossfire is?”

“Together, we shall form a- FUCK OFF, WHO INVITED YOU?”

“I can confirm… it is not sexy.”

“Heeeey… baby… sexy egg…”

“Oh my god, he’s so fucked. He’s done for.”

“Are you referring to yourself in the third person?”

“Do not search that in Google. DO NOT SEARCH THAT IN GOOGLE.”

“I didn’t appreciate your insults to my mother yesterday.”

“They have to have space for you and your ego.”

“You hear that? Self five!”

“You are SO not allowed to do that.”

“I do believe that’s called being fucked in the butt.”

[letdreamsbememes]

SOVIETWOMBLE’S CS:GO BULLSHITTERY PT 2/? All quotes are taken directly from his video, swearing, mildly NSFW. Feel free to change pronouns as you like!

“The night is young, the night is very young.”

“You were eating chicken nuggets earlier and it sounded like you were making love to them.”

“Like two apricots in a handkerchief…”

“Yeah, they’re holding position, that’s good.”

“Peace out motherfuckeeeers!”

“Nice flashbang, you idiot.”

“Shh… I am James Bond…”

“I can’t be arsed to actually try, I’m just having fun.”

“THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS FUN!”

“I don’t know whether to eat Pringles, breathe or laugh!”

“This isn’t the Killing House anymore, this is real life!”

“This isn’t the Killing House… it’s the Killing Bungalow!”

“He’s a level 3 mage.”

“The hills are alive with the sound of [gunfire]!”

“You are such a bellend.”

“What is the purpose of stickers?”

“Everyone’s on fire!”

“Ow, something just hit me!”

“About what I said: it was a lie.”

“OH GOD, THE GUN’S GOT NO AMMO!?”

“Pfffff…hahaha, you’re so- FUCK YOU.”

“I want you to show me how it’s done.”

“Show me, sensei!”

“I killed one, that’s more than you!”

“Yeah, just send them on a suicide mission.”

“Joke’s on you silly bitches!”

“Oh… wow. I did that?”

[letdreamsbememes]

SOVIETWOMBLE’S CS:GO BULLSHITTERY PT 3/? All quotes are taken directly from his video, swearing, mildly NSFW. Feel free to change pronouns as you like!

“Spread out, search for clues.”

“Dude, we just left the bomb behind…”

“That’s how teamwork works!”

“Clear the site and be careful, they might be hiding.”

“Fucking hell, explained it like a pro.”

“Oh fuck me! Found him!”

“I do not smile upon deserters to the cause.”

“You say hi to her in what? Going down on her?”

“That must be awkward.”

“So moist, so moist!”

“Who’s your fuckin’ daddy?”

“I was making a tactical retreat to advance from a different location!”

“Fuck the tactical retreat!”

“Amazing smoke grenade. If they ever push up to the roof, we are covered.”

“Why are there so many chickens?”

“HELP ME, YOU FUCKING… COMMUNIST!”

“Let’s all do a conga line through the vents?”

“Christ, they’re shooting bullets at me!”

“That was super tactical.”

“We’re gonna use [name] as bait.”

“What the fuck was that noise?”

“It’s called Odka… it’s cucumber and spinach vodka.”

“Drink up, bitches!”

“That’s a very ugly colour of green…”

“Mine’s actually alright! … Oh, nevermind.”

“Just don’t get knifed.”

“I can really taste the cucumber.”

“I got a buzz, but I’m alright.”

“Why do people do this?”

“The next thing in my kitchen is Tequila.“

“Just neat Tequila at room temperature.”

“[Name] gets giggly when they’re drunk!”

“I thought the cucumber was thick and refreshing, but it’s just awful.”

“Why are we in this alleyway?”

“You can’t hold your alcohol worth shit!”

“I can pronounce the word that was difficult form him to pronounce just now.”

“Why is Lenin here?”

“You’re drunk. Go home.”

[letdreamsbememes]

SOVIETWOMBLE’S CS:GO BULLSHITTERY PT 4/? All quotes are taken directly from his video, swearing, mildly NSFW. Feel free to change pronouns as you like!

“[name], you go first.”

“How about this flashbang goes first?”

“Remember guys, we’re winners. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen!”

“I was the prom queen.”

“You’re actually one of the few people i have hope with.”

“You’re not supposed to react to that with happiness.”

“We can get him in for diversity?”

“What part of ‘all on you’ did you fail to understand?”

“I shall hide under the floor.”

“Move out the way.”

“I wanna go that way!”

“LET ME GO ROUND FIRST!”

“Really? REALLY!?”

“I’m gonna get this fuckin’ ninja!”

“They have a ninja?”

“I actually shot him.”

“I feel cheated.”

“I think I got that analogy wrong.”

“You got that mixed up.”

“And [name] is camping.”

“This is not camping, this is an ambush.”

“You are actually hiding in a hedge.”

“I have prepared an ambush like a sniper with a ghillie!”

“You’re an IDIOT.”

“I’m a tactician, like Napoleon.”

“Great ambush, Napoleon.”

“What? Move, move!”

“I’m peeking, what’s your problem?”

“Whoa, what’s with the salt? Let your hair down…”

“Don’t worry - papa’s got this.”

“They’ve planted the bomb, will you get in there!?”

“You know I love you!”

“You can go in there first.”

“I’m not going in there first.”

“I like how you all recoiled!”

“Are you having an orgasm? Are you okay?”

[letdreamsbememes]

SOVIETWOMBLE’S CS:GO BULLSHITTERY PT 5/? All quotes are taken directly from his video, swearing, mildly NSFW. Feel free to change pronouns as you like!

“Don’t worry, I was just stretching.”

What sort of crazy world have we entered?”

“They’re still going?”

“What have I done?”

“Come on… kill it.”

“Tunnel. … the other one!”

That was very appreciated.”

“With this gun, I’m actually not shit!”

“We’ll do it a reward system.”

“I know psychology and know how it works. I use it on you.”

“What do mean you use it on me?”

“Nevermind, just go.”

“If you get a hit, you get a bite of this cheese sandwich.”

“Keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going…”

“This is only strengthening our relationship.”

“You don’t know how to shoot!”

“I’ll hit you.”

“God damn it, run away!”

“Stop talking to him, we don’t like him.”

“You can now high five someone instead of self five all the time!”

“What is she looking at?”

“Aim up. AIM DOWN, AIM DOWN.”

“What am I doing wrong?”

“She actually got him!”

“Come here you BEAUTIFUL CREATURE!”

“You’re fucking awesome. Good job!”

“I’m better than you.”

“What do you mean you’re better than me?”

“I can’t turn around!”

“What have you done?”

“Have I been promoted?”

“You don’t deserve that fucking-”

[letdreamsbememes]

SOVIETWOMBLE’S CS:GO BULLSHITTERY PT 6/? All quotes are taken directly from his video, swearing, mildly NSFW. Feel free to change pronouns as you like!

“The key to winning is to keep good positivity and trust each other…”

“‘That took only 34 seconds’  – name of ______’s sex tape volume III.”

“This is a very interesting doorway… it’s constructed very, very sturdily…”

“You turned around from where the point of attack is. You were tempted. And I do not appreciate that.”

“Just kill him already, please.”

“_______ called me fat!”

“You’re out in the middle of nowhere, can you get some cover?”

“Are you SERIOUS?”

“I’m planting the bomb.”

“You first. Women and children first.”

“They set fire to that guy’s garden!”

“Look at him just staring at me, like an owl.”

“I will report you to my boyfriend! Do you know who my boyfriend is? It’s PUTIN!”

“Oh good, nobody saw that.”

“I wonder if there’s someone up there.”

“Push, horsie, push!”

How do you spell luscious?”

“How did I miss that?”

“Why a fake flash? I have a real flash!”

“Great minds think alike. Damaged minds also think alike.”

“Are we gonna kill each other?”

“You killed him by accident!”

“Roses are red, violets are blue, Pornhub is down, your Facebook will do.”

“Two friends of my ex’s once got thrown out of there for sword fighting with dildos.”

“I was just standing still, hoping that when I don’t move they don’t see me.”

“Have you ever considered checking on the bomb?”

“Has he stolen it from underneath you?”

“I carry my weight! … I do!”

“I swear to God, if you don’t get this, I will fuck the shit out of you!”