If Pitch Meeting did Kung Fu Panda 4
So, you have a new Kung Fu Panda movie for me?
I sure do, and it'll be released in 2024, the year of the dragon.
Oh, because Poās the Dragon Warrior! Clever!
Yeah, except he's not going to be Dragon Warrior anymore.
See, now he's got to be this thing called the Spiritual Leader so he's got to give the Dragon Warrior title to someone else.
Already? I know itās already been three movies, but I feel like Po didnāt really get to be Dragon Warrior for that long.
Oh, and being Dragon Warrior is only a local thing. No one will know what that is outside the Valley of Peace.
So youāre saying that the title of Dragon Warrior, which was set up to be this really important title in the first film, is only given to you for a little while and almost no one knows what it is?
Didnāt someone attack a village and go to jail for the title of Dragon Warrior?
Hey, shut up, so this foā
Wait, what about the Furious Five?
The Furious Five? You know, the guys who were in every Kung Fu Panda movie? What are they going to do in this movie?
Oh, they'll be likeā¦ out doing their own thing.
They're not going to be in the movie?
They'll kind of show up in the credits with no lines.
You make an excellent point. Carry on. Sorry for interrupting you.
No problem. So this fox girl breaks into the Jade Palace and tries stealing some stuff, but Po stops her and sends her to jail.
What's the fox girl's name?
Oh, I forgot. Everyone just calls her Awkwafina.
Yeah, because she's just Awkwafina as a fox.
Then Po finds out that Tai Lung is back.
Thatās the guy from the first movie!
Yep, but Po finds out from Awkwafina that it wasn't actually Tai Lung, but the villain for this movie, The Chameleon.
Oh, so sheās a chameleon. What's her name?
I just said itā The Chameleon.
Don't you think it's a little weird that the last three villains had actual namesā you know, Tai Lung, Shen, Kaiā but this one is just named after her species?
So now Po and Awkwafina have to go to Juniper City in order to stop her since Awkwafina knows where to find her.
But it turns out that Awkwafina was working for The Chameleon this whole time.
Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Wow.
Yeah, it turns out that Awkwafina was trying to steal Poās staff that Master Oogway gave him in the third movie so that The Chameleon could use it. The problem is that you need to have it given to you in order to use it, so she tricked Po into giving it to her by abusing his trust.
So Awkwafina's a bad guy, got it.
No, she's actually good. She apologizes to Po, and they make up pretty quickly.
Oh, okay. So what's The Chameleonās evil plan, here?
She's going to open up a portal to the Spirit Realm to steal the kung fu of all the evil kung fu masters.
Yep. She even brought back the villains from the previous movies like Lord Shen and Kai. Remember them?
Lord Shen was a kung fu master? I thought he just used knives and fireworks.
And didn't Kai get blasted into nothing in the last movie? How was he able to come back?
Works for me. Do the previous villains get any lines?
Oh, so he does come back!
Itās been so long since weāve last seen him!
Exactly. That's why he's going to be in the trailer and both of the official movie posters.
Man, Iām so hyped! Whatās he going to do in the movie? Is he going to play a big role in it? Maybe get a rematch with Po?
He appears in the last part of the movie, gets locked in a cage, and doesā¦ pretty much nothing.
Wow! Using fan-favorite characters for marketing and nostalgic purposes only to do nothing with them is tight!
Well, he does get a redemption arc.
Oh, by realizing that Po deserved the Dragon Warrior title more than he did because he was a poopy head who had zero self-confidence, then apologizes for attacking that village and trying to kill everyone, including Master Shifu, his father-figure?
Mmm, something like that. See, Po was able to get everyoneās kung fu back and that gets the respect of all the villains, who bow to Po.
Even the irredeemable monsters like Shen and Kai?
Yep, but not before The Chameleon reveals her backstory to Po.
She wanted to learn kung fu, but she was rejected for being too small.
Why would an MCU character be in a Kung Fu Panda movie?
N-no, Mantis, the little bug who was taught kung fu. Heās smaller than her. How did he not get rejected?
Oh, right. See, we figured if he wasnāt in this movie, people would forget he existed and not ask that question that youāre asking right now.
But isnāt Master Shifu in this movie? Heās like, about the same size as The Chameleon is, right?
Whoops. Forgot about him!
Whoopsies! So how are you going to explain that?
Why The Chameleon got rejected for being small when Mantis and Master Shifu exist? Were they exceptions? Was The Chameleon just lying about how she got rejected? Did the teachers who rejected her not want to tell her the real reason why she couldnāt do kung fu and just made up the smallness excuse? Shouldnāt Po have said something about Shifu and Mantis since he personally knows that theyāre just as small as The Chameleon?
Hey, what I need you to do is to get waaaaaay off my back about that backstory.
Alrighty, then. So The Chameleon was able to steal all that kung fu from those masters, even Kai, who is known to have been able to defeat the likes of Master Oogway, right?
Oh, yeah. Sheās really powerful.
It must be really difficult for Po to be able to defeat her.
Actually, itās going to be really easy. Barely an inconvenience.
Yeah. He and Awkwafinaā
Oh, right. Sheās in this movie!
And donāt forget Poās dads, who just run around being the comic relief.
Were they necessary at all to this movie?
Nothing would have changed besides that one conversation they had with Po about the moral of this movie.
Whatās the moral of the movie?
How can you tell which changes are bad? Or good, for that matter?
Just checking. So you were saying?
He and Awkwafina were able to defeat The Chameleon easily. After that, all the villains go back to the Spirit Realm.
Quick question: does Tai Lung ever see Master Shifu again?
How fulfilling of a redemption arc Kung Fu Pandaās very first villain had. Bravo.
Po names Awkwafina the next Dragon Warrior.
He names her something that means almost nothing in this franchise now?
Oh, right. Forgot about that. Anyway, what do you think?
Well, this movie certainly is different from the last few movies. I mean, no Furious Five, Po not being the Dragon Warrior anymore, a fart jokeā¦ You think everyone will like this?
Why wouldnāt they? Itās Kung Fu Panda! Our movies have always been hits with everyone in the past!
