now at karcatgirl-vantas

[the-chessiad]

Black: Queen's pawn forward one square.

It tries very hard, when its Queen gives it the order, to know better than to hope.

----

White to play.

[the-chessiad]

Black pawn 4 dreams of turning into a queen...

It knows that, chances are, it is going to die.

Well. "Die." Be captured, be obliterated. It knows its role is as a very small part of a very large mechanism.

It hears the way the Queen talks, with her King, with the other pieces when they're scared. Firmness, gentleness, confidence, TOUGHness and EARNESTness. It knows Pawns can promote. It knows not to hope - it knows hope is dangerous - it knows that if it strikes out on its own based on its own Hopes then it's endangering all of Black, endangering Checkmate.

It wants to be a Queen. It wants to be equal to the Queen. Hope burns piteously and desperately inside it.

It doesn't move.

----

BLACK PAWN FOUR has gained a point of EARNESTness.

[the-chessiad]

Addie: move to f4, thereby witnessing Seven getting to ride a horsey. Think about what it means to be a pawn, and what it means to be a bishop. Do you remember why you took holy orders in the first place? What do you truly have faith in? *Do* you truly have faith? How can horses be so majestic?

On her way back to her square, Lefty whispers to Addie: Hey, if you go check out what the Black Kingsknight is up to I'll tell you about what hooves feel like.

Of course, Addie goes.

Its -

She wants that. She wants to look like that, to be something's noble steed. She wants to be beautiful the way a horse is beautiful.

Of course she never took holy orders. The Beginning of the Universe is the Beginning of the Game, and she has been a Bishop since the Beginning of the Game. This is what she Is. Bishops can't ever promote.

She wants Checkmate. She wants to be a good Bishop. But she can't look at that and feel nothing -

----

Addie Bishop's CONFLICT METER has progressed to 5/2.

----

Black to play.

[the-chessiad]

Rightmost Rook - Realize that Pawn 8 is the only thing standing between you and realizing your true potential

Look at this clown.

Look at all these clowns. Tiptoeing around the center hoping for each other to make a mistake so they can "capture" each other. It's a joke. Rooks are obviously the TOUGHest pieces by far. Kingsrook could barrel into Black Eight like a fucking cannon, send it flying. Punch a hole right through its opposite number, probably. Pick up a couple of these shrimps and just start wrecking shop. It could run this fucking game. There'd be nothing recognizable as a chess piece left once it was done. It'd be a hero. How would that be for Checkmate? But instead it's stuck behind this little cannon fodder goon waiting for orders. What a waste.

----

White Kingsrook has gained a point of EDGYness.

[the-chessiad]

White Kingsknight: update your royals about the proceedings. But do it quietly - Left Horsey might want to get involved, and haven't talked to her since the breakup.

Fortunately the King and Queen both have a vested interest in keeping their third eyes closed. This should be a pretty straightforward -

- oh hell.

Leftie says anything I need to know?~

Kingsknight says Black's offering us a concession for the stunt their Seven pulled with their Kingsknight. We get one -

(Kingsknight glances around and decide to just skip the next word, rather than call what they get anything like cheat or shenanigan or anything else that'll get anybody thinking too much.)

- We get one of our own. And Queensknight, you and I better get back to our squares smart quick or they're gonna call this our one.

Leftie says, it's Leftie, dear, not Queensknight.

Kingsknight says yeah yeah, you're so special, nobody does it like you. I hear you're working over Queensbishop now, is that right?

Leftie says I'm sure Addie appreciates everything I'm doing for her.

The Queen says that's enough. Left, you're up to speed, Kingsknight, you've filled us in. Everybody get back into position before White loses its move.

After a few moments, it looks like Black's going to let them get away with it. White to play, still, thankfully.

[the-chessiad]

Black King: Do that weird thing with the Rook

The Black King says to the Queen, things are getting serious. I should move to a more defensible position.

The Queen says yes.

The King says good luck out there. I'll see you again.

The Queen says good luck.

The King says one more thing. Keep an eye on your Knight for me, will you? It had a perfectly good excuse for cheating and for meeting up with the opposition, but I don't like it.

The Queen says I will. Stay safe.

The King says you too, and the Queen laughs.

----

The Black King and Queen gain one point of EARNESTness and one point of TOUGHness each.

White to play.

[the-chessiad]

Black Queensknight: Gently let down Black Pawn 2 regarding doing the same thing as Pawn 7 and the other horsey

Queensknight says no, sorry, kid, we can't do what Seven and the other Knight did.

Two says why not?

Queensknight says the other Knight wasn't supposed to do it either, but no one who could stop him noticed before it was too late to undo it. Queensknight says I had to go over to White's side and say they were allowed to do something like it, so that we could go back to playing normal chess.

Two says what's so great about normal chess? I want to ride around on your back.

Queensknight doesn't answer.

----

The Black Queen' s Knight has gained 1 point of EARNESTness. Black Pawn 2 has gained 2 points of EARNESTness for being an adorable little moppet.

[the-chessiad]

The Black Kingsknight has gained a point of SLICKness for fast-talking its way into getting away with its and Seven's stunt. The Black Queensknight has gained a point of TOUGHness for putting up with this shit.

[the-chessiad]

Black Pawn 2: Ask the left horsey if you can do the same thing as Pawn 7 and the other horsey did

....the Queensknight asks what Pawn Seven and the other Knight did.

Two says Seven hopped on the Knight's back and rode it around like a valiant steed!

The Queensknight says excuse me for a minute.

[the-chessiad]

The Queensknight decides to cheat. Just a little, for just a second, it's going to go right back to its correct square before Black makes its move.

Queensknight says excuse me, what the fuck do you think you're doing?

Kingsknight says relax.

Queensknight says I will not fucking relax! You realize it's too late to fix this? The bishop has already moved into the empty space your pet pawn illegally vacated - we'd have to call a truce and get everybody to agree to roll back the game state -

Kingsknight says it's not a big deal. The pawn had a cool idea it wanted to try.

Queensknight says what do you think is going to happen when White gets wind of your cool fucking idea? Whatever the fuck it wants, is what! Probably they'll just send their rooks over to pick us up and throw us off the board!

Seven says can they do that? Can we do that?

Kingsknight says excuse me a minute.

[the-chessiad]

Kingsknight says. Listen. What do you think is gonna happen when the game ends?

Queensknight says well, if we're lucky, and if you don't pull anymore shit like the shit you already pulled, maybe we'll be able to celebrate a legitimate victory.

Kingsknight says celebrate? Is that what you call it? Are you going to shut your own third eye so you can just stand there forever with everybody else?

Queensknight says it'd be a pretty boring eternity otherwise, wouldn't it?

Kingsknight says get real.

Queensknight says maybe something will be gracious enough to sweep us off the board and let us start over.

Kingsknight says sweep all the pieces off the board and start over isn't a legal chess move either.

Queensknight says don't get cute. Fix this.

Kingsknight says you said yourself it's too late to fix.

Queensknight says yeah. So if we're gonna get over there and break fucking kayfabe, you're going to be the one to tell them.

Kingsknight says I got a better idea. But it'll sound better coming from you than from me.

Queensknight says you smug fuck.

[the-chessiad]

The Queensknight says okay NOBODY DO ANYTHING FOR A SECOND.

The Black Queensknight says to the White Kingsknight, hi.

White says hey.

Black says sorry about this. Black says you saw what our Kingsknight and our seventh Pawn are up to?

White says yeah.

Black says look. I don't like it either. It's too late to fix it properly, turns have gone by treating it as a legitimate move, we can't just put the pawn back where it goes because then we'd have to decide what to do with the bishop, we'd have to decide what Black did that turn instead of moving the bishop....

White says yeah.

Black says we'd blow the whole thing open. Give all the pieces ideas. I'm sure plenty of them are getting ideas already but trying to roll back the whole game -

White says I get it.

Black says so here's what we're proposing. We treat it as a legal move, and we give you one shenanigan.

White says, one shenanigan, huh.

Black says yeah. White can have one of its pawns ride around on one of its knights for a little while, or something else roughly that bullshit. Roughly that bullshit as a floor, not a ceiling, since our Knight pulled the shit it pulled without any sort of agreement at all.

White says, uh huh.

Black says but you know, don't push it. We don't want to get caught in a cycle of escalation. Maybe once there've been some captures we can have them hash it out between them.

White says, and this scurrying around outside the board you're doing, that doesn't count as a shenanigan? That's zero bullshit?

Black says look, I get how you feel, but I'm trying to fix this. I'm going right back to my square after I'm done here, our Kingsknight is going back to its square -

White says its square that it's sharing with one of your pawns?

Black says I told you, I don't like it either. That's the only reason I'm here. We all want a fair and orderly game, here.

White says so you go back to B8, and your other Knight goes back to F6, and your Pawn gets back on its back, and it's black to play. And because you pulled some shit, White gets preemptive amnesty if we decide to pull some equivalent shit.

Black says yeah.

White says, with a very generous accounting of what shit qualifies as equivalent.

Black says yeah.

White says fine. But if one of our Pieces looks at what happened with Black Seven, and decides to go off on its own, without clearing it with any of the higher ups - and we can fix that, and we do fix that - that's not our shenanigan.

Black says fine.

White says and if I have to come over there in a second because your guys couldn't put your board back together properly, that's not our shenanigan either.

Black says fine.

White says all right. I'll let our royals know. Go get your Pieces in line.

[the-chessiad]

Kingsknight says so did it work?

Queensknight says yeah it worked. Don't fucking do it again. Get back to F6.

Seven says, are we, uh, okay?

Kingsknight says yeah. Just stick with me going forward, okay?

Seven says okay.

Black to play.

[yieldsfalsehoodwhenquined]

Read The Chessiad! Or don't, I'm not a cop. But do read The Chessiad tho. Or don't if u dont want 2

[the-chessiad]

adjacent bishop: peer through your opening third eye. meditate on how the call of horsies and your duty might not be in as much conflict as it seems on the surface.

She's trying. There'd be no greater relief than reconciling her competing desires. Horsey can serve her King and Queen as a horse, why can't Addie?

But an army needs Knights and Bishops. One to see through the mysteries, one to keep the faith. Without enough Knights they'd be flying blind, but if she can't do her duty as a Bishop - if she of all Pieces can't hold to the supreme importance of Achieving Checkmate - well, then they're not flying at all, are they?

There's nothing more important than achieving Checkmate.

There is nothing more important than achieving Checkmate.

She already asked the Queen if Bishops could ever promote. She didn't say to what.

The Queen said no, gently.

[the-chessiad]

Newly arrived d4 pawn: engage in central camaraderie with the e4 pawn.

Five commiserates with Four. It's nerve-wracking out here, trying to hold the center, even with Knightly backup. They could be captured any time, and the center is so important - the Game is depending on them.

Four asks what happens when you get captured, anyway?

Five says it isn't sure. It thinks you get removed from the board. But it also thinks there's not supposed to be anything outside the Board. Maybe you just disappear. Four says well isn't that a comforting thought.

[the-chessiad]

the center is open. d4

The King gives the order. Pawn to D4.

White Pawn 4 complies, nervously. Left Horsey reassures it that it is not currently threatened, but it keeps stealing nervous glances at the Knight with the Pawn on its back. Who knows what those two will do.

The White King doesn't feel great about those two either, come to that. Shouldn't that be impossible? It's certainly not a legal pawn move.

The Kingsbishop passes the King a message from the Kingsknight: No, it's not a legal move. Making illegal moves is forbidden, even by one's own side, because it invites retaliation in kind, and pretty soon you're not playing Chess any more. Perhaps the Black King thinks he's getting one over on us.

The White King considers this response. It makes sense. But something prickles at the back of his neck, if he had a neck. The Knight is speaking as though - almost as though it is citing previous Chess games. But how could there have been such a thing? The Game is the Universe and the Beginning of the Universe is the Beginning of the Game...

The Queen senses the King's discomfort, and murmurs: let the Knights attend to Knightly matters. The King assents, wordlessly. But his mind is not completely settled.

[the-chessiad]

The Kingsknight considers, quietly, how to get a message to its opposite number in Black, asking it what exactly it thinks it is doing.

[the-chessiad]

Hmm. do horseys start with their third eye open?

Pawn Seven is curious about Knights. Knights don't see and move through the world the same way other chess pieces do, do they? It has to do with the weird way they move, right?

The Black Kingsknight says no, we don't. Knights come at things from odd angles, literally and metaphorically. But then, so do you, right, Seven? Jumping on a knight's back isn't something any pawn would do. It's not something pawns are supposed to do.

Seven says - yeah. Yeah.

Seven says it's not sure why it did what it did. It was like - for a second, everything - the whole game seemed like bullshit. Is that what it's like for Knights all the time?

Kingsknight says not exactly. But we're not supposed to talk about it.

----

Seven and Kingsknight have eached gained a point of EARNESTness.

[the-chessiad]

BLACK KINGS BISHOP: Fianchetto

Fianchetto!

The word dances exuberantly through the Kingsbishop's mind without apparent cause or connection. Fianchetto. How lovely. How noble, how distinguished. Fianchetto.

The Black King's Bishop announces to the world that from this moment forward, it shall be known as BISHOP FIANCHETTO.

The King says that's great but would you mind moving up a square to that empty space next to you.

Bishop Fianchetto says sure.

[the-chessiad]

Pawn Seven congratulates Bishop Fianchetto on its new name! It asks if Fianchetto is picking any new pronouns too or if the standard it/its still works fine - Seven thinks it heard tell of some of the white pieces on the other end of the board going by she/her.

Bishop Fianchetto says it will have to think about this!

Pawn 6 loiters awkwardly in frame.

[the-chessiad]

The WHITE KING considers the board.

It looks like some shit has already started going down while he was busy bringing the pawns up to speed. His original plan was .e4, but it looks like a black knight - and also a black pawn???? - are threatening that space now. This will require careful consideration.

----

(The White King's internal struggle between his determination to fulfill his purpose, achieve Checkmate, and lead his people to victory, and his fear of his own inadequacy and unpreparedness for his role, has earned him a point of EARNESTness and a 4/3 CONFLICT METER which will be reflected in a future character card. His THIRD EYE is still shut.)

----

White to play.

[the-chessiad]

The Black King thinks this is bullshit.

[the-chessiad]

Black pawn #7: Get on the horse behind to you and ride it to the space in front of black pawn #6.

Black Pawn Seven has a stroke of inspiration that blows its Third Eye wide the fuck open.

----

BLACK PAWN 7 has gained a point of SLICKness for its inspired feat of derring-do!

BLACK PAWN 7's THIRD EYE was opened for a single shining moment by a stroke of divine inspiration, and even now it retains a dim understanding that it can probably do whatever the fuck it wants.