[denjos-deactivated20160316]

Please reblog if you are okay with random starters, pre-established relationships and responses to ask memes. I need some new people to bug with starters & what nots. 

[yijeongy]

“I know what you need, ice cream and a bad movie!”

He lets out a heavy groan, head falling back as his hand covers up his eyes. "That's exactly what I need. After today.." He peeks through his fingers and stares at the ceiling. "after today, I need to just chill. I'm down."

[yijeongy]

“Bro-date, just you me and some nice something."

"I think I can fit that in." He pulls his phone out to see if he has the time as well as if he had gotten any texts or orders from his boss, a job he doesn't talk about much, never. "Are you free now? And what's the something nice?"

[yijeongy]

“Ugh, I can’t stay mad at you.”

There's a slight grin, playful would be the best word to describe it. "Of course, there's no way you could stay mad at me. It's not even like it was my fault..."

[yijeongy]

text message reaction

[MSG:] What part of “he tried to put his dick in my ear” do you not understand?!

[MSG:] Okay, so next time, maybe use a tighter knot?

[MSG:] HOW DO YOU LOSE A CONDOM MID-INTERCOURSE?!

[MSG:] As he was cumming he yelled “Yahtzee” then said I was free to go. That was my one night stand.

[MSG:] “Sorry” doesn’t fix the chafing around my asshole!

[MSG:] Relax, just get some good concealer and no one will even notice the bite marks.

[MSG:] Okay, so apparently asking a boy “who’s your mommy?” doesn’t have the same affect as “who’s your daddy?”.

[MSG:] He asked “who’s your daddy” and I said I don’t know.

[MSG:] If I pick up a girl, and then she picks up a guy, and we all leave together, did I pick up the guy?

[MSG:] On the upside, that’s one less thing on our sexytimes bucket list!

[MSG:] Come hell or highwater we WILL manage to have sex at work without getting caught one of these days.

[MSG:] Next time you’re taking nude pics for me, maybe glance around the room to make sure your MOM’S NOT THERE.

[MSG:] Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.

[MSG:] SLUTTIEST. HALLOWEEN. EVER.

[MSG:] I can’t believe you fell asleep in the middle.

[MSG:] Dude, I’ve got to get back on her good side. I’ve tried masturbating… it’s not the same.

[MSG:] Long story short, we had to call the fire department to get the handcuffs off.

[MSG:] I told you not to buy lube from a tourist shop!

[MSG:] What’s never happened before? The premature ejaculation or the ten minutes of crying afterwards?

[MSG:] So not only did my roommate NOT leave when he saw I had a girl there, HE STARTED SHOUTING BITS OF ADVICE.

[MSG:] Walked in on my boss nailing his secretary on the copy machine. It’s gonna be a VERY awkward meeting tomorrow…

[MSG:] Mom found our “collection.”

[MSG:] I don’t even know if I LIKE sober sex anymore.

[MSG:] Banging your kid’s teacher never ends well.

[MSG:] Her dad came home when we were “busy” so I ended up jumping out her window and getting dressed while I ran up the block to my car. FML

[MSG:] It’s just one of those days where I’m too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.

[MSG:] Turns out I’m not as bendy as I thought… it was fun trying, though!

[MSG:] We rented a porno to get ideas. Long story short… we need a new showerhead.

[MSG:] Never take sex advice from your older brother.

[MSG:] Any recommendations for how to tell your girlfriend about the pics of her sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?

[MSG:] HE WAS LOOKING RIGHT AT ME. JACKING OFF. ON A PUBLIC CITY BUS. I SHIT YOU NOT.

[MSG:] Speaking French in bed SOUNDS hot, but turns out I only know “baguette” and “bonjour.”

[MSG:] So the threeway turned out to be a twoway while the third one sat and watched in a chair.

[MSG:] NEVER ANSWER THE PHONE IN THE MIDDLE OF SEX EVER AGAIN

[MSG:] We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.

[MSG:] Long story short, she’s passed out, we’re both naked, I’m gagged and can’t get the knot undone, we’re in the closet at her mom’s house. SEND HELP.

[MSG:] Also, I’ve finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is okay.

[MSG:] I’m sorry I laughed. But, honey, you were trying to give me a striptease and you tripped on your pants!

[MSG:] So today I found out my mom’s dating my ex-boyfriend, and she’s kinkier than I am. Fuck divorce.

[MSG:] Well, I never thought in the future I’d be able to say “hey remember that Easter when I made porn?”

[MSG:] I have to admit, I’ve never heard of more than two people watching porn together…

[MSG:] I don’t think bruises are supposed to turn green.

[MSG:] That girl’s pussy is like White Castle, you crave it once in awhile, but next morning you regret eating it.

[MSG:] Never sneeze while eating a girl out.

[MSG:] I know he was trying his best to be sexy, but Johnny Depp, he is not.

[MSG:] PENISES ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE THAT OH MY GOD

[MSG:] So it turns out he’s not into bondage.

[MSG:] I’m straight, but shit happens.

[roleplayaskmemes]

Frienship starter sentences!

[95pxjimin]

roleplayaskmemes:

“You’re my best friend, you’re supposed to tell me when I’m dating an asshole.”

“Bro-date, just you me and some nachos.”

“As your friend I’m allowed to tell you when you’re being an ass and you’re being an ass.”

“Remember that time we pretended we were dating because that creep wouldn’t leave you alone? Good times.”

“You’re not alone, you’ve got me.”

“Only you would find my offensive jokes funny.”

“I’ll be your wingman!”

“I know what you need, ice cream and a bad movie!”

“No wonder people think we’re a couple, we eat pizza naked together.”

“Please don’t tell anyone, I trust you.”

“Don’t push me away, you’re my best friend.”

 “You’ve told me that story twenty times already.”

“You’re such a bitch/jerk, it’s a good job you buy me food.”

“Someone was talking smack about you, long story short I spent a night in a cell.”

“I’m only saying this because we’re friends, you can do so much better.”

“They think we’re together, I think we should play along.”

“No homo, but I love you like I love pizza.”

“I know we’re not kids, but I really think we should have a sleepover.”

“Are you eating my food?”

“Ugh, I can’t stay mad at you.”

“You borrowed this three months ago, can I have it back?”