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this blog is now an archive !
i’ve moved operations over to yinseal! dynamics and relationships will stay the same, but a fresh start was needed. see you there!
this blog is now an archive !
i’ve moved operations over to yinseal! dynamics and relationships will stay the same, but a fresh start was needed. see you there!
hey guys. i am really going through it right now, and i want to be here, but i’ve just got. zero in me. so apologies for the on and off, and i will try and be here soon. thanks for your patience.
avadite.
it’s almost humorous, how clearly he can picture their would-be children clambering at his feet, excited to greet him after a shift at the bar, wondering if he brought them any surprises ( and wouldn’t his arms be laden with treats for his little family? ). ❝ i can’t wait to meet her, ❞ he says; even he finds himself startled to realize he speaks the truth. despite the fear, the long nights awake, wondering what sort of father he might be, sometimes wishing that the baby would hold off just a little longer, and give him time to figure it all out … he wants her here as soon as possible.
❝ you think she really knows who i am already? ❞ he asks. he can’t help but be perplexed by their baby’s behavior. she seems to know so much already, and she hasn’t even entered the world. ( does she truly know him by voice? by touch and presence? does she know how much he loves her already? ) ❝ if that’s true, she might end up being the smartest baby in dublith. she spends most of the day listening to medical jargon. maybe she’ll be your assistant. ❞ he doesn’t push the image of their little girl, grown and looking more like her mother every passing day, flitting through the clinic, soothing patients, acting with all the care and compassion everyone so adores sakura for.
❝ i’m going to have to learn so much. you know i’ve never changed a diaper, right? ❞ the look he gives sakura is sheepish, paired with an embarrassed grin. ❝ hell … i don’t think i even know any lullabies. you really might have to be my teacher. ❞ his grin turns mischievous. ❝ the good news for you, miss haruno, is that i’m a fast learner. ❞
a quiet hum, her palm sliding across the expanse of her belly ( that slow and steady touch, coaxing up a tremor just beneath her skin. ) there’s more to say, and somehow everything’s been said and understood between them; all the reassurances greed needs to hear, and still already knows. bypassing the image of their daughter in a little lab coat ( and what a perfect picture! ) she tilts her head instead in contemplation. ❝ i know a few, ❞ she remarks / shifting slightly in her seat. ❝ back when i worked in central, i’d sing lullabies to the babies when they were being cleaned up. and my mom ... ❞ it’s hormones, surely, that cause the prickle in her throat / the stinging in her eyes. ❝ my mom had one she liked to sing to me. ❞ softer, now / voice a quiet, dreamy sound. ❝ it’s easy to learn; i think it’s called ‘hush little baby.’ it’s like this ❞
--
she’s humming it later / much later: ava’s fast asleep, head lolling from her midnight feeding against her mother’s shoulder. her hair is dark as night, little curls against her head; her rosebud mouth is tiny, matched with small chubby cheeks, a miniscule button nose. she’s perfect, utterly without compare a few days old, and already breaking hearts ( something like her papa, after all. ) the lullaby comes soft, disappearing into a hum / coming back as a sweet little song; she’s starting to understand why her own mother favoured it so much.
❝ do you want to hold her? ❞ she doesn’t need to raise her voice she knows greed’s nearby / knows he hasn’t left her side since ava was born. shifting their baby in her arms, she adds ❝ she’s fast asleep now. i guess dinner tuckered her out. ❞
avadite.
@yinseal· said: “but it would’ve been fun if you would’ve been the one.”
❝ i think you’ve just had too much wine, sakura, ❞ he jokes, but the accompanying laugh dies in his throat. his second glass is still half full, and ava’s been sound asleep for a little over an hour. greed should leave, but instead he slumps against the back of the couch, one foot kicked up on a nearby ottoman. sakura’s home is so much cozier than his apartment. he takes another swig of the wine and closes his eyes.
when he opens them, he turns his face to sakura. ❝ can i ask you something? ❞ his stomach clenches; this question might not go well, with the odd history between them, but he’s a glass and a half in, and his head’s buzzing just enough to make him forget why he shouldn’t ask. ❝ what … what made you so sure i wasn’t the one? for you or … to be ava’s dad? i thought i was okay enough for an asshole in his early twenties. i mean, i had a job and a car. kind of, on that second one. guess we couldn’t have put a baby in there ever. ❞ he sighs, and chews on his bottom lip.
❝ we did have fun, though. can’t dispute that one. maybe a little too much, sometimes. ❞
it’s merlot, soft and savoury the kind of wine adults buy, the ones who have their lives together / everything settled, everything in its place. ironic, because right now she feels like that careless brand of optimism, that ease which greed inspired so well. it was always like the world was somehow easier with him around she could take a breath / take a moment to herself. the wine goes down easy ( she’s on her third glass, fairly certain; not like her at all to cut so loose these days, but maybe she’s looking for liquid courage / looking for a way to stop the thought of just what it means to have greed here again. ) legs tucked up under her, elbow resting against the sofa’s backing: comfort, coziness / an illusion of something they used to be before.
she’s not drunk, not sober: that twilight state where her tongue is loose, but her fear is unabated. greed’s face swims into focus, earnest, hurt; the guilt pricks, urges another gulp of wine as her lashes fan down against her cheeks. ❝ we did have fun, ❞ she concurs ( her voice doesn’t slur, thank god. ) ❝ it wasn’t about you not being the one, or ... maybe i was afraid you would be. ❞
a boy like him / a girl like her ( casual, just a little fun. ) ava’s got his smile, his laugh: greed in miniature, a reminder to just how tight the thread around them was, how hard it is to cut away the love she had for him. ❝ you’re a great dad, greed. i wasn’t worried you wouldn’t be. i was just ... scared, and stupid, and panicking. i told myself i didn’t want to burden you with fatherhood after i left, but i was sel - selfish. but if i had to pick anyone to be ava’s father, i’d always pick you. ❞
@yinseal said: "and though i can’t recall your face, i still got love for you.“
he could recognize that pretty script anywhere, even if sakura’s name wasn’t written out so neatly in the top left corner of the letter. swallowing the lump in his throat, he tears the letter open with a haste he knew would have made her laugh and tease him for his impatience. the letter unfolds in his shaking fingers.
he reads it once. twice. three times. four times over, until his vision blurs. ❝ dammit, ❞ he hisses, scrubbing the heel of his hand furiously at his eyes. it’s been two years since he last saw sakura — the fleeting glimpse of her as he left her graduation party, the smile on his face practically made of plastic, knowing he couldn’t see her again.
and though i can’t recall your face, i still got love for you.
does she mean it? has he faded so quickly from her memory? it’s funny, when he can see her so clearly, her leg propped up on the barre of her dance studio, the confident tilt of her chin as she concentrated. ( so many other gazes on him that day, but all he could look at was her. ) and then there was that night on the hood of his beat up car, a bottle of vodka he’d stolen from his stepdad’s cabinet between them. he can remember the warmth flooding through his body, the tingling in his legs, the fire when he rolled over to meet sakura’s gaze and they kissed. and kissed.
stronger, though, lingers the snarl of his stepdad’s voice, telling him to stay away from her. that he was no good for a girl like that — someone with a future. his heart aches in his chest as he looks back down at the letter. she sounds happy. she’s in school; her parents are doing fine. that’s all that matters. anything between them is too late.
he tosses the envelope in the trash. knows he’ll be tempted to memorize her address, otherwise. he doesn’t trust himself not to go knocking on her door. ( i’ve still got love for you, too. ) she deserves better.
it doesn’t take him long to find what he needs: a long ribbon, faded with time, but still strong, hidden in his top drawer. with delicate fingers, he ties it around the letter, and hides them beneath his t-shirts.
avadite.
regardless of sakura’s requests, greed gets the distinct feeling that he and ava’s belongings will soon be strewn about the house. their daughter isn’t exactly heralded for her patience ( not that they and their stubborn wills are, either. ) he waits for sakura long enough that he can loop an arm around her shoulders, guiding her in the direction of the u-haul. ❝ i might need a new spine after all this moving, but — ❞ he winces for added drama. ❝ i’ve never been happier, you know that, cherry blossom. ❞ for so long, he vied for the family he dreamed of having as a child. mom and dad, a kid running around in a real house, never wondering where their next meal might come from.
slowly, he untangles his arm from around her as they approach the u-haul. ❝ this is what i’ve always wanted. ❞ he peers at the rest of his boxes, noting with amusement that some of them have been left askew by ava’s “sorting.” he grabs a box labeled clothes and, after discreetly checking the weight, offers it to sakura. ❝ it shouldn’t take us long to unload this thing. i left a lot of my stuff at the storage unit; i’ll sell or donate most of it later. ❞
with a soft grunt, he hops into the back of the u-haul, gaze roving over the boxes that remain. most contain clothing, but a few at the back hold sentimental items — photos, drawings, old school papers. his easel rests in the corner, protected by a wall of boxes on either side. ❝ i hope you’re prepared for the chaos of my art supplies, ❞ he pipes up as he grabs the nearest box labeled ‘paints.’
just as he hops down, ava scampers up to look for more boxes with her name on them . ( his heart nearly melts at the way she rises on her tiptoes to do so. ) ❝ you can put your supplies with mine, papa, ❞ she says, as she pulls herself up into the u-haul.
❝ easy there, sweetpea. most of that stuff’s heavy — why don’t you follow mama and i back inside, and i’ll find you something to carry when we get back. ❞ in response, ava plops herself down onto the nearest box, looking at them like a princess surveying her court.
❝ i’ll be right here. ❞ she kicks her feet against the box, flashing an irresistible smile, as if daring either of her parents to argue against her.
he slides his arm around her, brings her into the comfort of his embrace ( and she doesn’t need to tell him it’s like coming home again; he’s always understood her, every silence, every word. ) her grip rests easy on his waist, her kiss pressed to his shoulder, overtop the fabric of his shirt. the ache is gone / the worry, disappeared. for the first time in too long, things are right as they’re supposed to be; right as they’ve always hoped.
it doesn’t take too long to move the parcels they could have hired a mover, of course, but there’s something satisfying in making it official all on their own. ( no chance of greed being kicked out of this home. ) ava flits between the boxes, grabs handfuls of shirts and paintbrushes / darts around her parents as the foyer fills, each room past capacity. it’s a mess, just barely kept from chaos, and it’s perfect ava, leaping from truck to grassy lawn / the ache of muscles after another heavy box ( paints this time, some books, his art. ) has so much changed, since they were in love last? she still remembers the sunlight in his room; the taste of paint always seemed to linger from greed’s kiss, and she found adoration for the charcoal smeared against his skin. she loved him then, and she loves him now, swerving around their daughter and her inexhaustible delight.
and finally, when the last box has left the truck when ava’s torn through nearly every package, pulled out her toys scattered everything across the house finally, does sakura shut the door with a gusty exhale, brush the sweat from her face, and playfully grimace at her family. ❝ i don’t know about you two, but i’m starving! bunny, why don’t you go wash up? i’ll order some pizza. ❞
ava, to her credit, resists stamping her foot in her refusal. ❝ i want to show papa my room again! and show him my pictures! and the bunny he got me! can’t i wash up after? ❞
( she doesn’t have the heart to deny her. not today. ) ❝ at least wash your hands, please! that goes for papa, too. ❞ there’s a little crinkle at her eyes with the smile she sends him / affection glowing in her gaze. ❝ i’ll order dinner. you two be good. ❞
avadite.
❝ what happened to carrying me up? ❞ his kiss is like an imprint against her skin, nerves scorched at the whisper of his affection. it’s astonishing, how quickly they veer from frantic to languid; everything is softer, warmer / pleasure as a backdrop to the ease in her spine, in the air between them. she watches him now through hooded eyes / palm pressed against the table ( she can almost see the imprint of their actions mere moments before ), gaze along the stretch of muscle and sinew, the sharp curve of his profile / the expanse of his chest. he’s beautiful, like this and so much more: when he gathers up her clothes at last, she drops her gaze to hide the affection she’s certain must be evident on her face.
and she should leave. no reason to prolong it: she can clean up just as well at home, even if the walk back will be with some discomfort. only one button from her blouse is missing ( that might have been her fault ), and the skirt is rumpled by eager hands ( possibly not just her fault ); she shakes the length of it out, smiling faintly. ❝ i thought you preferred helping me undress. ❞ the blouse slides on with ease, buttons left undone as she slips her skirt up, sans undergarments. ❝ i could probably go out like this, couldn’t i? it’s not obvious what we were doing. ❞ her fingers brush against the hickey on her breast at the word obvious / lips curling in a secret smile ( she’s catching that more often when she’s with greed. )
everyone wants something they can’t have ( for @avadite ♡ )
dolcetters.
———-•••••———-
▐│∶x∶; — she’s gone and, just as soon, she’s back. he’d blinked and she’s already had time enough to get a glass of water. either he hadn’t just blinked ( rather partially passed out ) or she’d had the glass in the room already. …it’s such a damn struggle to keep his eyes open, he’s willing to bet on the former.
dol sucks a breath through his teeth, cringing–coughing up a gasp–as the movement sends ripples of fire beneath his skin. whatever pain had dulled flared back to life; it throbbed, white and hot, and each beat came with a wave more searing than the one before it. he almost wishes it’d just knock him out, already. but something cool touches his lips. –the water. right.
it’s just cold enough to quell some of the burn. it still hurts, and his throat tightens once as though to reject it ( he drinks it anyway ; he’s not going to die here ). and when she pulls the glass away, guides him to lie down again, he can’t quite comprehend what temperature is anymore. he’s cold, but he can feel the sweat beading on his brow and the small of his back, further adding to the chill, there. shame, he can’t bring himself to care.
his gaze trails, idle, to her hand, her arm, the black smears, splotches, splatters marking her couch, her floors. …s’gonna take all night to scrub that shit out. he’ll need to help with that. she shouldn’t have to do it on her own. especially since it’s all his.
limpness sweeps through him, starting in his feet and moving fast for his consciousness. he can feel the world bulling away as his eyes drift shut. but he still manages to mutter,
❛ …sorry… ‘bout… th'mess, ❜
before he slips into sleep.
blood takes its own fair share of work to vanish from her carpets; the cracks / creaking floorboards become a canvas of viscera, soaked and sodden with the product of their plight. ignoring the ache, the pounding in her head / tremble in her hands ( the quiet becomes a coffin, final resting place for the words she’ll never find strength enough to say ) she waits. persistent as a heartbeat, the clock ticks down the seconds; the rhythm becomes a slow echo of dol’s last words, before sleep took over. sorry ‘bout th’mess. sorry. sorry. sorry.
and what does he have to be sorry for? carved into pieces / left lying in a pool of blood ( watching his own family fall into the darkness, cut down before his own eyes? ) her fingers shake, pressed tight against her eyes to block the sight roa, owen, gone, dolcetto bleeding, greed missing / vanished without a trace. blood sticks / streaks against her skin, but the words whirl, pictures blurring ( bradley isn’t human. ) and suddenly, it’s all too much: she lurches to her feet, barely makes it to the kitchen sink before she heaves the contents of her stomach. bile burns in her throat / sours on her tongue; eyes streaming, she gasps out a sob, sliding down to rest her head against the coolness of the countertop. and she waits.
hours later when the blood is scrubbed from the carpet / from the floorboards / from her hands dol wakens. a deep slumber, slowly cast off: she feels his chi brighten carefully, and slips into the living room with a bowl of stew ( made by the barrel from the deli down the street. ) his colour’s better, but only just; the black and blue of a beating becomes livid hue against the pallor of his flesh. there’s still blood caked on his face, against his chest she had hesitated to wash him, knowing how much dol loathed to be touched. his bandages already need cleaning, and his energy is waning ( they’re not out of the woods yet. )
❝ dol, ❞ she says, so soft / so gentle. ❝ it’s me. i brought some food. can i help you eat? ❞
I will not give up the flowers in my heart for stones just because the world is a hard place. The world is only hard because it needs more flower hearted people.
Nikita Gill
oh i am: crying in the metaphorical club rn wtf ( @yinseal )
avadite.
a more foolish man would have let his jaw drop at the sight sakura presents when she steps out onto her front porch. does she know that she’s driving him crazy, and the night’s not so much as begun, yet? her dress looks appropriate enough to wear around her father ( a fact he’s certain she focused on, if he knows her at all ), yet flashy enough to draw his attention to the skin she’s left bare. it’s going to be a long night.
❝ you know i never lie, ❞ he reminds her, his gaze following her every movement as she slips past him. ❝ but you do look beautiful. i hope all the other women at the restaurant won’t be jealous. ❞ with that, he trails after, taking on a leisurely pace at her shoulder. he keeps his hands in his pockets, despite the way his fingers ache to hold her hand. such a simple gesture, and he can’t bring himself to act; not now, when sakura might think it more than him attempting to keep up appearances. the less she realizes, the better.
❝ so — your father, ❞ the word tastes bitter on his tongue, but for reasons unrelated to sakura and her old man. presumably, someone like her had a much better paternal figure than greed. ❝ what’s he like? i assume you want him to like me; he might not be thrilled if you’re dating a total asshole. ❞ he grins broadly at that, knowing the term’s been thrown around as a descriptor for him more than once in his lifetime. ( undoubtedly, it’s left sakura’s lips in the past. ) ❝ unless you want me to botch the entire date, but that seems counterproductive. ❞
briefly, he encroaches on sakura’s space, knocking her lightly with his shoulder. the evening is warm, with a faint breeze that stirs the loose hairs at her neck. the sun paints the sky a dazzling shade of magenta, with orange hues swirled in. the color brings out the green in her eyes, and greed’s heart does a flip as he catches their gleam. for a moment, the facade FALLS, and there’s only him and an adoration for sakura so strong he swears his chest might burst.
❝ i won’t mess this up for you, you know that, right? ❞
is it the scent of his cologne? the red vest / white shirt, the crisp blackness of his trousers? something makes the crimson in his eyes stand out / puts the devil in the way he looks at her ( a flash of heat, scorching down her spine until each breath feels like a sigh. ) her heels click along the cobbled street, stride in equal measure with greed’s easy gait; good god, she’s not sure if she should hide, or drag greed back to her bed. ❝ i know you won’t. ❞ is that an automatic admission? sincerity in the softness? close enough to touch, greed’s hand lingers near her own, and her fingers nearly / nearly brush against his own, before she admits to her own cowardice ( what point there is in bravery for a pointless goal. )
still, the image of greed, meeting her father, is a little laughable a stark contrast in dear old dad, and the man who’s known her so very intimately. a flash of her teeth, nipping on her bottom lip, as if to stem the laughter / stem the humour in the situation ( greed’s already doing her a favour, and she’s not going to throw that in his face now. ) ❝ he owns a restaurant, ❞ she says at last, stepping slightly closer to pass by an inebriated pedestrian lurching by. ❝ in central. he’s a nice man, really terrible, goofy sense of humour, but i think that’s a dad thing. he didn’t really understand me wanting to be a doctor, but he’s been supportive. when my mom died, he was the one who gave me the kick i needed to get back into the swing of things. ❞ a pause; there’s little she knows of greed’s family, and little more that she imagines is good.
❝ he’s staying at the hotel on avicenna, and i didn’t, you know ... tell him much about you. ❞ undoubtedly, her father would decline to hear the more sordid stories, and greed would like to keep the more underhanded out. ❝ i just told him that we’re ... we’ve been together for a few months. and that you run a business. general lies you tell your father, of course. ❞ god, she’s feeling more foolish by the second / playing games for a ridiculous farce she’s dragged greed into.
she comes to a halt, hand pressed to the door that leads to dinner: a pretty restaurant, with ivy curling ‘cross the red-brick entrance. her father’s sitting at a further table, chatting with a waiter his chestnut hair faded light brown, a little extra weight around the belly ( has he been testing his own cooking again? ) his mustache is a little better groomed at least; there’s wrinkles by his eyes she hasn’t noticed before ( she needs to visit more often. ) too late to back out now; she throws a faint smile at greed, before she flings the door open, calling out her father’s name like she’s not got a secret and a bombshell all in one.
Is there anywhere where it doesn’t hurt?
dolcetters.
———-•••••———-
▐│∶x∶; — sleeping. …sounds somehow both impossible and the fucking dream, right now. he hasn’t felt this heavy ( and this weak ) in a long, long time, but the throb, burn, singe of the wound brings more than enough discomfort to keep him awake whether he likes it or not.
and he doesn’t. because it means reliving the sight of roa collapsing beside him–the light leaving his eyes–and the sound of martel screaming for both of them ( you have to find the kid; you have to find her ). greed, bleeding out on the ground–struggling to heal and more defeated than any of them had ever witnessed ( maybe you can find greed, too; they couldn’t have killed him ). owen, cut open across from where he’d fallen.
dolcetto winces, putting his focus into his hands and keeping them bound to the arm of the couch and the throw pillow pushing into his shoulder. he needed to keep them there. NOT shoving her away–letting her work, letting her help ( he’s been stitched up more than enough to recognize the additional pain ).
when she declares the job done–pulls away from him–he releases a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. with it, goes the last of his energy, and he lets himself go limp across the couch despite being very much conscious and awake. he’s just dead weight, now. …at least he’s not dead.
❛ …sure. ❜
he realizes just how dry his throat is. yet, at the same time, the thought of consuming anything awakens the nausea. it claws at the back of his throat–tickles it with bile. but he knows well enough… the body’s just fucking stupid, sometimes.
❛ ye-yeah. ❜
a fever simmers / burning low against the expanse of forehead / cheeks / throat; her fingers brush against dol’s heated skin, careful to spare him prolonged contact ( the more things change / the more they stay the same. ) the fight to keep him alive is barely begun already, days of stained bandages, bloody dressings, spread out before her in simple array. how much longer can he last? how much more can she expect to put him through? a livid gash / gore seeping from between torn flesh, soaking into bedsheets, into nightmares. his exhaustion seems a pronounced fact, already decided ( her hands tremble, despite best efforts; his blood has soaked into the cracks, the tender trail of lifeline against her palm. )
disappearing / reappearing with a glass of tepid water, she blinks at the sudden scene that materializes. dol, bloodsoaked, more corpse than cutting jib, half-dead on her couch. blood, staining carpet, upholstery, her own hands: it leaves a sticky sight against the glass, churns her stomach at the macabre picture of it. roa, gone, owen, gone, martel, bido, greed? the glass, set down too firmly against the table, sloshes in reproach; undeterred, she leans forward, guiding dol into a sitting position as best he can manage ( his own stubbornness never could be quite defeated. ) ❝ tilt your head back, ❞ she remarks / orders, gently / gently. ❝ slow little sips. i’ll hold the glass. i just want you to get some water. ❞
she pours out only half the glass before it’s deemed enough her palm presses down once more against dolcetto’s shoulder, steering him into sleep. ❝ rest, ❞ she says, so soft / so gentle. ❝ i’ll be here when you wake up. you’re safe now. i’ve got you. ❞
MEET THE MUN
BASICS.
name: kim ! age: 28 sexuality: straight relationship status: 18th century noblewoman rejecting suitors despite an annual income of 10,000 crowns eye color: blue height: 6′0
WHAT IS YOUR...
favorite season?: spring or autumn favorite movie/s?: ratatouille, anastasia, into the spiderverse, inception, hercules, beauty and the beast, shake hands with the devil favorite album?: disappear here by bad suns is one of my all time favourites favorite quote?: Peux ce que veux. Allons-y. favorite shirt?: whichever one is comfiest atm
DO YOU...
smoke?: no drink?: socially, but not lately write?: badly play an instrument?: i used to play the piano!
DESCRIBE...
your favorite place: hmm. it used to be a coffeeshop in the older village in my city, but they closed it down, so i think probably the woods / river by my parent’s house? your favorite memory: it’s not my favourite but it’s the one i like to tell the most the day i arrived in italy for the first time, and i went out for my very first lunch, ordered it in flawless italian, had a glass of wine, came back to my hotel to unpack, and passed out for ten hours. your ideal partner: hmm. too personal. i’m gonna say hunter parrish. your bedroom: literally too many books, lots of notebooks, posters and pictures everywhere, egyptian hieroglyphics, lots of natural light yourself in three words: tired, trying, terrible
stolen from: @dolcetters i am a thief red im sorry :( tagging: everyone else !