⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚

miss obsessive she/her

[yippiastri]

MASTERLIST:

⟢ OP81 ⟢

𖦹 | TRUTH OR DARE. P1 P2.

𖦹 | GET HIM BACK.

(requests are open)

[yippiastri]

PleaseeeeeeePLEASEEE I LOVE TRUTH OR DARE MAKE A PART 3!!!!!! when are you going to post part 3????? It's literally a masterpiece you shod start writing books!!!

hey! ✮⋆˙

I know I’ve been absent lately, I’m sorry! Life got so serious after I posted the second part, back in March. I’ve been pretty busy ever since. I do have a whole thing planned for the third part, I hope to be able get back to it at some point, I love this story.

I’m glad you’re enjoying it! It means a lot and it does give me some motivation to get back to it. Can’t promise I’ll post the next part, but I’ll try to get back to writing. ✮⋆˙

[yippiastri]

second part of truth or dare was perfection i fear

omg stop, that means a lot to me. I’ve been doubting myself so much lately, so thank you 🫶🏻 (loved drunk, running)

[yippiastri]

OP81 ⟢ TRUTH OR DARE. P2.

✮⋆˙ SUMMARY: “It’s true, nothing makes sense to me, except my feelings for you. So, you’re right, I’m a coward, I’m selfish, I’m an asshole, I’m a mess, I’m all yours.”

PAIRING: Oscar Piastri x reader. + Lando Norris x reader.

WORD COUNTS: 18k. GENRE: SMUT!+18, best friends to lovers, love triangle, angst, slowburn, fluff.

AUTHOR NOTE: As promised, here’s the second part of truth or dare! I highly recommend you guys to read the first part, if you haven’t already. I tried to have fun as much as I could with this part, because I tend to put too much pressure on myself when I’m writing. I hope you’ll like it as much as the first part. Sorry in advance if there’s any mistakes, ect. I decided to make Lando a main character in this part, oops. And, there’s a lot of smut in this, I don’t know, I was ovulating, I guess. Also, there will be a third and final part to this story! :) Love you all. ✮⋆˙

taglist: @lliicsa @scuderiapng @alishamai @bearbear000 @oscvr @noisyprodigyshambler @op81s-sweeth0e

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

There’s no turning back now, I remember thinking as I breathed in, then stepped into the driveway, my heartbeat increasing with each step I took.

I didn’t know what to expect, I hadn’t told him I was back.

I was knotted up inside as I approached the front door cautiously, light-headed by anticipation, my thoughts racing. But then, right when I was about to ring the doorbell, someone rushed to open the door.

It took me by surprise, I did not see it coming. I flinched instinctively, a hand still raised in the air as I came face to face with him.

I don’t think I had ever seen such an amount of different emotions parading through his brown eyes before, wide and sparkling, eying me intensely, the boy too stunned to speak as I stood still, waiting.

I started to feel emotional, my throat tying up.

“Hey.” I murmured shyly through a short breath. “Hey, Oscar.”

He moved first, careful and slow, meeting me in the middle as I felt an impulse to reach him, my legs moving towards him uncontrollably.

He seemed so afraid to hold me, as though I might vanish at the slightest touch, disappear in the wind. “You’re really here.” Oscar murmured with a trembling voice, unsure.

I closed my eyes immediately once I felt him dragging me straight into his arms by the wrist, my head collapsing against his chest, his scent still as comforting as I remembered.

“I saw you by the window, I thought—“ I listened closely to the boy’s heartbeat as Oscar paused, quick and sharp, my arms tightly wrapped around his waist. “I thought I was hallucinating or something.”

My features softened once Oscar grabbed my face, looking at me closely. “I’m here.” I told him. “You’re not imagining things.”

He smiled at me, for the first time since I got here, relieved and grateful, my face lighting up instantly in response. We both chuckled lightly, embracing our first meeting in almost four years.

“How long are you staying in town?” Oscar asked me, the boy glancing in my direction every two seconds on our way to the garden, making sure I was still there.

“Until August.” I responded. “So, basically— The whole summer.”

Oscar nodded as I stepped outside right behind him, relaxed and attentive, my eyes wandering around aimlessly, until they ultimately landed on him, intrigued.

Summer always suited him so nicely, I thought as I noticed the subtle contrast between his natural blush and tanned skin, his hair blonder than usual and curled at the ends.

He looked good, really good.

I scanned his features with a certain nostalgia once I noticed how slimmer and more mature they were now, a smug smirk appearing on the boy’s face as he caught me staring at him.

We spent the rest of the afternoon by the pool.

“Truth or dare.” Oscar asked, laying on the deckchair next to mine. “Come on.”

I tilted my head towards him while I hid my eyes from the sun, smirking. “Dare, I guess.”

Oscar grinned. “Jump in the pool.” He said. “With me.”

But then, as I was about to answer, my breath caught once Oscar stood up and took off his t-shirt smoothly, my thighs clenching together subconsciously while I stared at his muscles.

So well drawn, so appealing, so tempting.

Years had passed and yet, Oscar was still outrageously beautiful — even more than back then, and I was still irrevocably attracted to him.

“Huh—” I mumbled breathily as the t-shirt hit the ground.

Oscar stared at me, pleased with himself, blood rushing to my cheeks. I sighed sharply, playing it cool, trying to ignore the nascent warmth in my stomach.

“You’re staring, Y/N.”

I raised an eyebrow.

Two can play that game, I thought, while standing up. I was not gonna let him torment me without fighting back.

I watched his sweet arrogance — that irresistible smirk, turn into astonishment once I took off my top, exposing my lace, challenging him.

We stood there, under the sun, Oscar impassive as I was determined and confident, the boy too stunned by my sudden audacity to catch my top once I threw it at him.

“You’re staring, Oscar.”

Once again, a smug smile appeared on his face, Oscar nodding, his tongue pressed hard against the inside of his cheek, enjoying our little game.

I approached him carefully, Oscar eying me from head to toe, trying to calculate my next move.

I almost collapsed to my knees then, as I noticed the arousal in his shorts calling me, hard to miss, my stomach flipping once I realized how much impact I still had on him.

That damn happy trail.

My hands landed on his broad shoulders, Oscar whimpering softly through a short breath, the sound coming out as a relief, as though he had been dying for me to touch him.

Calmly, I started to kneel, looking up at him through my lashes, feeling uninhibited and bold while my palms went down his body smoothly.

His mouth dropped, staring at me attentively, the boy shivering under my touch, Oscar keeping his hands to himself, his self-control still unmatched.

But then, as I played with the waistband of his shorts, smirking at him, I grabbed my top from the floor and pushed him backwards, straight into the pool.

I won.

“How’s the water, Oscar?” I asked him joyfully, watching him from the edge of the pool. “Good?”

Oscar flipped me off, face dripping. “That’s not fair.” I smiled once I heard him laughing heartily. “I think, I’d forgive you, if you’d join me.”

I hummed, then leaned forward. “Keep dreaming.”

Oscar turned on his boyish charm, smiling at me as he lifted his chin. “You’re in my dreams quite often, Y/N.”

I froze.

He must have felt my momentary weakness as I kept my mouth shut, too lost into his eyes to feel him grabbing me, a scream escaping me as I fell into the pool.

“Asshole!” I shouted as we splashed each other while laughing. “You’re gonna regret this!”

All of a sudden, Oscar caught my wrists and pulled me closer. I wrapped my legs around him, my arms doing the same around his shoulders, my movements automatic, evident, as though it was meant to happen, our proximity inevitable.

We both stopped laughing gradually once we noticed how dangerously close our mouths were to one another, Oscar’s breathing as heavy as mine.

“I think—“ I stopped once I saw him staring at my lips, Oscar licking his own, my blood pressure dropping. “I— I need to take a shower.”

“Yeah.” Oscar nodded as he gulped. “Me too.”

I had been looking around Oscar's room for at least five minutes as I waited for him to finish showering, dressed up in one of the boy’s t-shirts and underwear.

“Cute.” I murmured, smiling tenderly as I approached the dresser and spotted a framed photo of Nicole and him.

“We took it last year, I think.” I jumped at the sound of Oscar’s voice. “Shit— Sorry.”

He chuckled breathily, amused by my reaction, throwing his cellphone onto the desk nearby while I turned around to see him, my heart stopping at the sight of him.

He was dressed in sweatpants and yet, still shirtless, cheeks flushed from the shower’s heat, hair damped.

“Huh—” I chuckled as well, nervous. “It’s—” I looked up at him, trying to repulse the heat emerging gradually through my veins as much as I could. “It’s fine.”

I turned back around and closed my eyes as I felt him approaching me quietly, as a beast who hunts its prey, my body tensing up once I sensed him right behind me.

“It’s a nice photo.” I said. “Really. Nice.”

My jaw dropped once I felt his mouth on my collarbone, Oscar tugging at the t-shirt’s collar to reach more skin, lips moving to my throat to lick it, bite it.

“You look so fuckin’ hot in my clothes.” He murmured with a low voice, lips brushing against my ear. “It drives me insane.”

I gasped.

His warm hands disappeared underneath the t-shirt, one resting on my waist, gripping my skin, while the second grabbed my breast shamelessly.

“Say something.” My breath caught. “Say. Something.” Oscar repeated with a little more authority, my knees weak.

“Please—“ I murmured pathetically. “Please— Touch me.” I begged in an instant as I surrendered to him, to our undying alchemy. “Please.”

I whimpered as I felt his hand moving further away from my waist, going down between my legs, his movements unbearably slow and calculated, Oscar torturing me deliberately.

“Fuck— You’re wet.” He murmured, fascinated. “In my underwear.” I moaned as my head fell back against him, my hands gripping on the dresser. “Look at you.”

He shifted his second hand to my jaw and ordered me to look at him — while he fucks me, my body trembling under his touch.

His thumb wandered along my lip, then pressed against my tongue, Oscar smirking once I sucked on it.

He had always been bold. But this was different, it was something new, something I didn’t know he had in him.

I loved it.

I stared at him, my thumb brushing his flushed cheek.

And by that point, I was nothing more than a moaning mess, Oscar’s mouth swallowing the sounds with delight as we shared one feral kiss.

Our first one in years.

“Shit— Right there.” I moaned. “Oscar.” I could feel how much it turned him on to hear me say these things, his arousal begging for release against my ass. “Yes— Oscar.”

Something electric would happen behind his eyes each time I pronounced his name or praised him, pupils blown by lust and adoration, Oscar looking at me preciously.

“You’re so beautiful.” He murmured through short breaths, face contracted, our noses brushing against each other. “Come for me.”

He watched me attentively once my mouth fell open as I clenched my thighs hard, staring straight at him the moment I came, my forehead pressed against his, barely breathing.

“I— Oscar.” I saw stars, my entire body trembling, struggling to keep balance. “I can’t— I’m—”

“I know, I know.” Oscar murmured softly to reassure me. “Don’t worry, I got you.” I sighed as I felt him lifting me off the floor, effortlessly and smoothly, the boy’s strength impressing me. “Legs around me.”

I grabbed his face, my hands wandering through his hair once our mouth reconnected with urgency, Oscar’s hands holding my thighs firmly as the boy walked to the bed.

I closed my eyes once Oscar’s mouth moved to my throat as my back hit the mattress, the boy above me, between my spread legs, grunting and thrusting his hips against me uncontrollably, consumed by unadulterated desire.

“I should’ve kissed you back then.”

My eyes snapped open as soon as the sentence reached my consciousness, ruining the moment. I went still while staring at the ceiling, my body shutting down underneath him.

I couldn’t breathe.

“Wait— Oscar.” He didn’t stop, attacking my neck with more kisses, the sounds making me feel sick. “St— Stop. Please.” I told him with a frightened tone as I started to cry.

Oscar lifted his head instantly to look at me, eyes wide and worried, my palms pressing on his chest to nudge him away from me. “What— Hey, hey, hey.”

He failed to catch my wrist.

“Please— Talk to me.” He said. “Are you okay?”

I sat against the headboard while catching my breath, tugging at the t-shirt to cover my bare legs, eyes avoidant. “Yes.” I shook my head. “No, I mean— I don’t feel good.”

“Did I do something wrong?” Oscar rushed to ask, breathless. “I’m really sorry, I didn’t—“

“No.” I said. “You didn’t do anything.” I looked at him. “It’s just— I can’t do this.” Oscar sat up properly, extending a hand to me, a weak smile appearing on my face as I grabbed it. “It’s too much, I’m sorry.”

“Hey— There’s no need to apologize.” I sniffed, lips pursed. “We don’t have to do anything.” He said. “I— I’m gonna go downstairs to get you some water.”

Oscar — literally, ran out the room, almost tripping over in the hallway.

I sighed deeply as I looked around me, scratching my elbow until it hurt, my chest still heavy.

Oscar’s phone vibrated.

I left the bed, quite unsteady, and walked to the desk touch the screen, a few notifications appearing on it, one in particular catching my attention.

I frowned and re-touched the screen as it turned back to black, grabbing the phone to look at it again, my eyes narrowed.

My jaw tightened. “What. The. Fuck.” I remember murmuring to no one as I read the text message.

It was written there in thin black letters on the tiny screen, my chest rising as I read it one more time, nine words and one name.

“I cannot wait to see you, I miss you.”

From Lily.

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

I wasn’t sure what upsetted me the most at the time, between the fact that we had done something horrible again, and the realization that Oscar had met someone.

It was official.

Oscar had moved on and I wasn’t allowed to say anything about it, nor to care. Not after what I had done.

However, despite how inappropriate and fraudulent my feelings seemed to be, I couldn’t help it.

It stung.

No matter the distance and the time, our ups and downs, our doubts and mistakes, he was and will always be Oscar.

My Oscar.

I started to speculate that I had been cursed by the universe once Dad announced to me that — without consulting me first, he had decided to invite Nicole and Oscar over for dinner the next day.

Fuck me, I thought.

I know that my father sincerely thought I’d be happy to see him, technically, it was a nice gesture. I couldn’t blame him, I hadn’t told him that Oscar and I had already seen each other the previous day.

Dad and Nicole did not know what was happening between us. No one did, not even Oscar and I, apparently.

I was nauseous the entire time, completely disoriented by the surrealism of the situation as I was sitting at the table with them, suffering in silence, stoned by heartache.

To be in the same room as him, was unbearable.

“You’ve barely eaten anything.” Dad whispered to me as I stared into the void hopelessly. “You’re alright?”

Of course not.

My stomach had been in knots ever since then, my brain addled, my body as drained as my heart was. Nothing was right.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it, about him.

About her.

“Yes.” I responded with a thin smile, as I didn’t want to alarm him. “I’m not hungry, that’s all.” I could feel Oscar eying me from across the table, it made me feel even more weak. “Don’t worry.”

I hated how oddly familiar the situation felt.

With my disconcerted father sat at the table, my childhood best friend on the other side, whom I wasn’t talking to, each of us, clinging to thoughts that we did not find the courage to say out loud.

This time though, Oscar was the one seeking my attention as I kept looking away, consumed by a questionable contempt.

“Well, we’ll see about that.” I heard Nicole say to my father. “A few people are coming to visit us this summer. My mother and Oscar’s girlfriend, Lily—”

Girlfriend.

I could feel my heartbeat down in my throat, the sound deafening, oppressive. I was not listening to their conversation anymore, my eyes empty as I stared at them, my nails digging into my thighs, the pain keeping me grounded.

Girlfriend.

I tried to remain calm, took a deep breath. But then, Nicole mentioned Lily once again with an affectionate tone, and I cracked as it bruised my ego unexpectedly.

I swallowed hard once a discomfort grew in my throat as it came straight from my chest and settled there, my eyes burning.

Eventually, I looked at him, Oscar already staring at me with concern as our eyes met, his features tight with embarrassment.

I couldn’t bear it any longer.

“I need some air.” I blurted out as I stopped abruptly, interrupting their conversation. “I’ll be right back.” I headed to the garden under Nicole and Dad’s intrigued stare, Oscar following me.

Once I stepped outside, I exhaled deeply, but it wasn’t enough.

I crossed my arms around me to protect myself from the freshness as the sun was about to set, my chest swollen with bitterness once I heard him approaching me on the terrace.

I turned to face him.

“Girlfriend.” I said. “Girlfriend.” I repeated through clenched teeth as anger took over me. “You’re in a relationship.”

Oscar sighed. “I wasn’t expecting to—“ He glanced down, ashamed. “I wanted to talk to you about it, I swear. I was about to do it—”

I chuckled nervously. “When were you planning to tell me about it?” I asked. “Once you would have been inside me?” Oscar stared at me, stone-faced. “Right.”

“That’s not fair.” Oscar responded, frowning. “You can’t blame me entirely. You can’t paint me as the villain, you’re the one who left, you’re the one who aban—” He stopped abruptly, lips tight.

Oscar remained silent, the seconds passing by insanely slowly.

I could see the boy’s distress increasing through his features as they became tight, his lips pressed together, Oscar thinking about something that seemed too difficult for him to handle.

“You never answered my message, the one I sent right before I left for France.” Oscar stated without looking at me. “It’s been fuckin’ years.”

I had been dreading this moment.

“And ever since it happened, it’s been torturing me to not know why you didn’t.” Oscar added while I was stunned. “It drives me crazy to not know what I could’ve done better, to save this, to save us."

I had blamed him for his miscommunication so many times in the past and yet, as soon as Oscar admitted wanting to kiss me back then, I deliberately chose to ignore it.

I ran away, literally.

Because as much as I wanted him to see me, I also feared the vulnerability that comes along with it, the power it would’ve given him. I feared the word love and the weight it carries, since it could’ve crushed me in a blink.

Back then, despite our proximity the moment Oscar left, I still didn’t know what our moment in high school truly meant to him.

We hadn’t talked about it.

I needed more than this text, I needed something real and concrete. I didn’t want to live in constant confusion, I didn’t want this to become a habit between us.

At the time, we were both about to start school in different cities, miles away from one another, it was all too complicated.

I don’t think I would’ve been able to handle it.

So, as ridiculous as it sounds, I decided to ignore it and pushed him away progressively to protect myself, until disappearing from Oscar’s life entirely.

Unfortunately, it caused more damage than anything else.

“You became cold, distant.” Oscar continued. “And then months later, we were barely talking anymore, you weren’t even texting me when you were back in town, you were completely gone."

Oscar uttered every word with his chest.

He had obviously waited for this moment, surely already had this conversation a hundred times in his head.

My heart clutched with guilt.

“For the last four fuckin’ years, I’ve been mourning someone who isn’t even dead yet!” He proclaimed with desperation, approaching me, eyes resentful. “And yes, I’ve met someone great along the way, someone who’s been a real support while you weren’t!”

My mouth dropped as I felt the sentence cutting deep into my flesh. “I didn’t know— I thought it wouldn’t— I don’t know.” I stuttered, overwhelmed.

“I almost failed my first year, I was miserable and became an absolute cliché. I fucked so many girls, went to many parties. I can’t even remember half of it.” He said. “Although, I never managed to forget about you.”

I wished I could’ve taken away the boy’s pain, make it mine instead. I wished I could’ve saved him from me, released him from the weight he had been carrying all these years.

But it was too late.

“I don’t think you can imagine what I felt the moment I saw you by the window or the moment I held you close to my chest.”

I looked down, ashamed, Oscar grabbing my hand, our fingers intertwining as I sobbed. “I’m sorry.”

“It only took one look from you, to make me forget about her. It only took one second with you, to make me weak again.” Each word was as sharp as a dagger, every sentence stabbing me right into the core. “I hate how much I still want you. But mostly, I hate the way I’ve never been able to hate you, not even a little bit, not even at all.”

We stared at one another under the sunset, the sky above us as purple as the bruises we had left on each other’s heart over the years.

The moment was tragic, beautiful.

“Yesterday, I should have never touched you, because the moment I did, I knew I was fucked.” He laughed, broken. “I knew, I’d never really be able to stay away from you.” He released my hand. “But I have to.”

I had been dying for him to open his heart to me for so long. But this wasn't anything as close to the love declaration I had always wanted from him.

Do something, say something, now, I thought.

“Wait, I— I was really scared.” I explained to him, while starting to panic, my voice trembling. “We were both about to start our new lives. We had barely talked about our relationship. I was confused and I didn’t want to suffer even more—”

Oscar studied my face, frustrated. “So what—” He shrugged. “It seemed better to hurt my feelings instead.” I shook my head. “You could’ve talked to me rather than treat me like a fuckin’ stranger—”

“I know, I know, I messed up!” He stared at me with disappointment, stepping backwards. “Please— I almost did it.” I failed to catch him by the forearm, Oscar shifting away. “But as time went by, the more I waited the more it seemed to be too late for me to say anything. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I swear. I didn’t know it would affect you this much, I thought you’d—”

“Stop it.” He said harshly, turning to me, eyes cold. “See— Four years ago it took me hours to find the courage to send this text, Y/N. You weren’t the only one who was scared.” He admitted. “I was too.”

Oscar left me alone on the terrace.

He didn’t even turn around to look at me one last time, slamming the door behind him fiercely once entering the house, my heart shattering as I jumped at the sound.

Till this day, I don’t think I’ve ever despised myself as much as I did at that precise moment.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

After that, things took an interesting turn, I guess.

Oscar and I hadn’t talked to each other in days by that point. I hadn’t stopped thinking about him ever since that night though, obviously.

However, I wasn’t planning on reaching out to him because deep down, no matter how hard it was to accept, I knew we both needed some time apart to reflect on the situation, and to digest our last encounter.

I didn’t want to cause him any more sorrow. So, I decided to wait, in hopes that it wasn’t truly over.

One afternoon as I had been struggling to keep myself as busy as I could by doing the most common and the most random things possible, I decided to go shopping in town.

And that’s how, as I was crossing the street under the burning sun, I saw him, the greatest part of my summer, coming out of the nearest boutique.

A familiar face I hadn’t seen in years and yet, I recognized him instantly once the boy stepped outside, sunglasses on and brown curls shining under the sunlight.

Lando Norris.

I stopped once my feet hit the pavement and waited for him to come closer. Lando was heading towards me without much interest at first, looking straight ahead.

And then, as the brown-haired boy approached. I noticed the moment it clicked in his head, Lando’s mouth suddenly dropping before turning into an unexpected bright smile.

He pulled up his sunglasses to take a better look at me. “No way!” I smiled uncontrollably at Lando’s delighted tone. “Shit— Hi.” I waved at him. “I thought you were studying on the East Coast.”

“I decided to come home for the summer.” I explained to Lando as he crossed his arms while listening to me, still smiling, eying me from head to toe without much discretion. “I didn't expect to see you here either, to be honest.”

He laughed. “Well— School has never really been my thing.” I nodded. “I’ve been working here with my father for the last two years, moved out pretty shortly afterwards and rented an apartment.”

“That’s awesome.” I responded. “I’m glad you’re doing well. You do look really good—“ I stopped myself, Lando smirking. “I mean— You seem happy and healthy.”

I chuckled nervously.

“You look really good as well.” I tried to seem as nonchalant as I could but my body betrayed me, my cheeks blushing at the subtle compliment in an instant. “Maybe we could have a drink anytime soon.”

“Oh— Sure.” I smiled timidly as a surprising warmth emerged down my stomach. “I would love to.”

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

One day, someone came knocking on the front door with insistence, waking me up.

I left the bed with a headache and a dried mouth, too exhausted — mostly due to the hangover, to bother to dress appropriately.

I grunted as I took the first t-shirt I found on the bedroom floor, then went down the stairs rapidly while rubbing my eyes.

As I was a little grumpy, I opened the door quite abruptly, not expecting to see Oscar standing in front of me, the boy’s brown eyes wide as they flicked down to my bare legs.

I heard him clearing his throat while I hid my eyes from the sun. “Huh— Hi.” I told him with an uncertain intonation, light-headed.

“Yeah— Hi.” Oscar moved slightly to the right to help me, the sun hidden by the boy’s silhouette from now on. “It’s almost noon, I— I didn’t know you were still sleeping.” He explained to me, voice unsteady. “I’m sorry.”

At that moment, I was too drained to care about anything, technically.

And yet, I couldn’t help but hear this little voice inside my head, the one worrying about everything when it comes to him, the one I had been desperately trying to silence over the last four years.

I shouldn’t have cared about the way I looked, especially not with him. Oscar had seen me in so many different ways over the past thirteen years. From covered in vomit at the amusement park to almost naked.

So, my immediate state shouldn’t have mattered much, but it did anyway.

I knew I looked like a mess. I wanted him gone, now.

“It’s fine.” I sighed as I started to see him more clearly. “I went out last night.” I told him. “Did you need anything or—”

“I wanted to talk to you.” Oscar blurted out. “I— I’ve been thinking about you and what happened the other night. I don’t think we were in the right headspace to have this conversation. It could’ve been better.”

“Yeah.” My heart melted as I listened to him, relieved. “Yeah, I— Me too, I agree.”

“I don’t want us to remain on bad terms.” Oscar said. “I was thinking, maybe we could—”

But then, I saw something switching behind Oscar’s eyes as they settled on something — rather someone, behind me, the boy too preoccupied to finish his sentence.

I turned around, eyebrows furrowed, curious to see what else could’ve caught Oscar’s attention. My face dropped as my eyes landed on him, Lando going down the stairs without looking at us.

I closed my eyes and cursed myself once the brown-haired shirtless boy turned around to head toward the kitchen, showing us the brand new scratches, deep and red, on his tanned back.

It all came back to me in an instant.

Lando staring at me deeply under the dim lights at the bar, him whispering in my ear as he touched my thigh, biting my neck, the sudden adrenaline rush flowing through my veins.

Us two in the backseat, the windows covered in steam, the untamable heat taking over my senses as I rode him fiercely while we kissed.

I dragged Lando inside the house for another round and we went upstairs. Unable to wait, we stopped by the staircases right as we were about to walk to the room, then made out against the wall.

I ended up crushed underneath him, overwhelmed by his warmth, golden chain above my face, Lando’s large hand covering my mouth as I moaned too loudly, then gripping on my thigh while he looked down at me, thrusting harder.

Four years ago, I would’ve never thought I’d ever feel such an intensity with Lando. It’s a sensation I had only ever truly felt with Oscar, until then.

At that moment, I wasn’t thinking about anything, I was free. I had let Lando take over my body to soothe my mind.

And I enjoyed every second of it.

“What. The. Fuck.” Oscar murmured with discontent as our eyes met again. It didn’t take him much time to connect the dots, obviously. “Lando Norris— Again— Seriously—”

“Don’t start.” I whined as I leaned against the door, my head hammered out. “We bumped into each other in town recently, then went out for drinks yesterday. And, well—”

“Stop.” I couldn’t help but chuckle quietly as I thought about it again. “You don’t have to tell me. I think it’s pretty fuckin’ clear what happened yesterday.”

I frowned once I distinguished the irritation in Oscar’s voice. He had tried to seem unbothered by the situation, his features as neutral as usual. However, the boy’s tone had betrayed him.

It annoyed him.

A lot.

I didn’t know how to feel about the boy’s reaction though as I hadn't even thought about him last night, not even once.

Which wasn’t a bad thing. What happened between Lando and I, had genuinely nothing to do with him.

I just chose to listen to my body instead of my heart.

“Lando insulted you, punched me in the face.” Oscar said. “Why would you— With him. That doesn’t make any sense.”

“We’re not innocent either, Oscar.” I reminded him, eyes narrowed. “And it happened years ago.” I added. “People change.”

Oscar scoffed. “Yeah— You’re right.” Suddenly, my heart tightened as I saw the judgment in his eyes. “They do.”

I scoffed. “You’re such a hypocrite, Piastri.” I said harshly, my tone as exasperated as I was by his attitude. “We both know what you did recently, you don’t get to judge me.”

“I’m allowed to have an opinion.”

“I’m allowed to think you’re being a dick.” I shot back. “If you came here just to argue with me, a call or a text would’ve been enough.”

Oscar smirked. “I didn’t feel like waiting four years to get an answer.” My jaw clenched at the boy’s dig. “I didn’t want to fight, I wanted to talk about us—” He stopped himself, then sighed. “Forget it. Lando Norris, seriously—”

“Go back to your girlfriend, Oscar.” I said with bitterness while I grabbed the handle. “Mind your own business.”

Oscar clenched his jaw as he nodded. “Have fun with him.” He told me with just as much bitterness.

“I will.” I slammed the door dramatically, trembling.

I stayed there and stared at the door, breathing heavily. I almost grabbed the handle, eying it tentatively. I wanted to call out his name, to apologize, to make it better.

But instead, I turned around and headed to the kitchen, the hole in my heart bleeding.

Lando seemed preoccupied once I entered the room. “Fuck— Y/N. I’m sorry.” He said, agitated. “I— I swear, I didn’t know it was him.”

I walked towards him. “It’s fine.” I assured him, voice calm. “Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s just— I wasn’t trying to—” Lando sighed. “Once I noticed it was him, it was already too late.” I hummed as I approached, an idea in mind. “I didn’t want to cause you any trouble—”

I kissed him softly to shut him up, Lando closing his eyes as I held him by the neck. He kissed me back instantly, wrapping his arms around my waist to pull me closer to him.

Lando smiled. “What was that for?”

I couldn’t tell him the truth. I had thought it was quite adorable to see him stutter this way.

The contrast between the boy’s attitude during our night together, which was a bit rough and bold, compared to this one had suddenly made me weaker.

But, I could not tell him that. I could barely admit it to myself.

“To thank you.” I responded as I looked at him tenderly. “For last night.” He smirked proudly. “However, you owe me new bed slats, Norris.”

I was not the only one who had ended up collapsing due to him.

“Shit— You’re right, I’m sorry about that.” I rolled my eyes, unconvinced as I could see him struggling to keep a straight face. “Fine, I’m not sorry.” I laughed. “Not even a little bit.”

“Sounds like you’re gonna have to make it up to me.” Lando sighed deeply as I caught him staring while I licked my lips, my hands moving further down to his chest. “Somehow.”

“I’ll try not to break the next ones.” I gulped, my stomach flipping at the insinuation.

“The next ones.” I repeated with uncertainty. “It’s funny—” I pretended to think, touching my chin. “I don’t remember saying there will be a next time.”

“Alright.” My breath caught as Lando lifted me and set me on the counter, the boy standing between my legs, a grin on his face. “Let’s see how much this counter can handle.” My cheeks went warm. “How much you can handle.”

Thankfully, my father wasn’t home.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

I expected my father and I to spend the day together on my mother’s birthday.

Unfortunately, as I went down the stairs in the morning and saw my father all dressed up, ready to head out, I figured out he already had other plans.

Which was weird.

“Dad— Wait.” I said as I watched him opening the front door. “Where are you going? I thought we’d spend some time together today.”

He tilted his head towards me, and judging by the disconcerted look on my father’s face, I could tell he had no idea what I was referring to.

“Hold on.” He said. “Did we have something planned today?”

“Dad...” I pronounced with disappointment, his obliviousness hurting my feelings. “It’s mom’s birthday today.”

“Oh.” He murmured as the realisation hit me, stone-faced. “That explains the flowers, I guess.” I frowned. “Someone sent you flowers. They arrived early this morning. I put them in a vase, on the counter, in the kitchen.”

He sounded so unbothered by the situation, I couldn’t believe it. He had never forgotten mom’s birthday before, never.

I stared at my father in disbelief as I waited for him to acknowledge the elephant in the room. He remained quiet instead, face relaxed and eyes unreadable.

“Okay.” I shrugged as I couldn’t care less about the flowers at that moment. “But, what about mom’s birthday—”

“I’m pretty late, I’ll see you tonight, alright.”

He left the house in a heartbeat, without even giving me time to answer.

I sighed and headed to the kitchen, trying not to think about it too much. And then, once I entered the room, I couldn’t help but smile as I discovered the sunflowers bouquet.

My dad had left the card on the counter as well.

“I really wanted to get you some peonies. Unfortunately, they’re quite hard to find in the summer.” - Oscar.

He had remembered.

I came knocking on Oscar’s door in the evening, after a catastrophic day, all by myself.

Deep down, I knew it wasn’t a good idea to come here — I felt it in my gut as soon as I left the house, it was risky. But, I needed to talk to someone about this, to him especially.

“Listen, I know it’s late.” I said to Oscar the moment he opened the door, my thoughts racing. “I know I’ve been a bitch and we’re not talking but I really need to talk to you about something.”

Oscar blinked. “Shit— You’re okay?” He asked with apprehension as our eyes met, both stunned for different reasons.

At least, he didn’t seem annoyed by my presence, which left my heart relieved. “Yes.” I responded without thinking. “I mean— Technically.”

He stepped outside pretty quickly, closing the door behind him. “To be fair, I haven’t been the nicest recently.” Oscar said. “We’re both bitches, I guess.”

“Please— Don’t make me laugh.” I told him as I tried my best to contain it, a smile appearing on my face. “We’re supposed to be angry at each other.”

I never understood how we could’ve been so easily comfortable in each other’s presence, despite everything that had happened recently.

Love.

I shook my head. “Thank you, for the flowers.” My chest went ridiculously soft as Oscar smiled at me. “I appreciated it.”

A silence fell between us, and that’s how I became aware of how close he was standing to me.

I could see the way his chest rose while he breathed, I could smell the sweet lavender scent emanating from his clothes.

I could feel him struggling to keep his composure, Oscar as destabilized by our proximity as I was, his eyes avoidant, his fists clenched.

My breath hitched as I understood that Oscar was mostly restraining himself from touching me.

Hold me, I thought, I want you to hold me, hard enough to bruises me, to break my bones.

“What did you want to talk about?” Oscar asked out of the blue.

I blinked at him while I stepped back a little bit, taken aback. “It’s a bit ridiculous, I think.” Oscar stared at me attentively, patient. “For the first time since she passed away, my father completely l forgot about my mom’s birthday.”

“Wow.” Oscar said with astonishment, arms crossed, eyes wide. “Shit— I’m sorry.”

“I don’t even know if it’s reasonable for me to be mad.” He frowned. “I mean— Whatever, this is ridiculous—” I chuckled, my eyes watering. “I feel fuckin’ ridiculous—”

Oscar snapped in a heartbeat once I started to cry, catching my wrist as I tried to turn my back to him, ashamed. “Don’t hide from me.” He said. “It’s about your mother, you’re allowed to feel upset.”

“No, I’m not.” I looked at him. “Some days, I can barely remember what she looked like. My dad is the only who remembers her, the only one I can talk about her with.”

“But— You were barely nine years old.”

“I feel like shit.” I confessed. “I— I can’t even remember my own mother’s voice.” My heart tightened once Oscar sighed, frustrated. “I can’t be mad at him for forgetting about her birthday.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself.” I scoffed. “It’s been years, it’s inevitable, it’s not your fault.” He said. “It doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel hurt.”

The discomfort in my stomach decreased significantly, each second I passed starting into his eyes reassuring, the tension in my shoulders vanishing.

And then, I remember thinking, with as much bitterness as affection, that everything about Oscar was, and will always be, comforting.

He released my wrist. “I should’ve answered your text.” I said.

The tension ultimately dropped as someone, a young woman around our age, opened the front door, eying us weirdly. My first instinct was to frown as I glanced at her, a bit uncomfortable.

But then, once I noticed Oscar’s embarrassment while his eyes wandered between us two, I figured out who she was.

Lily.

“Hey, sorry.” She said with the nicest smile I had ever seen. “It’s been a while, I was wondering what was taking you so long, Osc.” My jaw clenched uncontrollably as I heard the nickname. “I didn’t mean to interrupt you guys.”

Her voice was as sweet as she looked, the girl incredibly stunning and radiant. She must have never been seen covered in vomit, I thought. I wanted to disappear into a hole, I felt pathetic next to someone as elegant as her.

“Don’t worry.” Oscar told her with a gentleness that made me feel sick. “Y/N.” I looked back at him. “This is my girlfriend, Lily.”

“Oh my—” Lily’s smile widened as she realized. “I’ve heard so much about you. I’m so glad we can finally meet.”

I stared at her with an unpleasant sensation in the chest as my throat went tied from guilt. Lily must have definitely known about Oscar and I — expect the most recent thing, or how much I hurt him and yet, she seemed genuinely happy to meet me.

I could tell this situation was as unsettling for me as it was for Oscar, the boy no longer able to look me in the eye.

“It’s nice to meet you too.” I responded with a thin smile, despite how uncomfortable I was. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were here. I didn’t mean to bother, I just wanted to talk to him about something real quick.”

“It’s all good.” Lily responded. “I’ve heard about your mom.” I raised a brow at Oscar. “Please accept my condolences, it must be a difficult day for you.”

I was about to answer, until Lily reached for Oscar’s hand, the boy immediately accepting the gesture.

I looked at their intertwined hands, and my heart sank as I understood in the most devastating way, that I was not ready to witness this.

I’d never be.

“I— It’s late, I should leave.” I told them, still eying their hands. “It was nice to meet you, Lily.”

I didn’t wait for an answer. I didn’t even look at him once, not even once I walked away. Otherwise, I would’ve started crying again.

I must have looked completely insane as I almost ran to Lando’s apartment. I bumped into someone in the hallway and I didn't even bother to apologize, looking straight ahead.

Of course, I was already short of breath once I arrived, my cheeks as red as my eyes were. I knocked and rang the doorbell until the brown-haired boy opened the door, desperate.

Lando pronounced my name with cautiousness once he noticed my distress right away. “Hey, what’s going on? Are you okay? What happen—”

I interrupted the boy with a kiss, hard and salty from the tears, as I pushed him against the door. “Don’t talk.” I breathed. “Please, I need you.”

Lando stared at me with blown pupils while I pulled away, the boy examining my face. “Tell me what’s going on.” I shook my head. “Seriously— You’re scaring me.”

I glanced down as Lando caressed my cheek, the brunette’s genuine concern accentuating my frustration. “Please, just—” I looked at him deeply. “I need you, Lan.” It took him by surprise. “Please.”

I saw the blue of his eyes turn to a darker shade as I pleaded with him to take me, my hands tugging at the boy’s clothes with eagerness.

I whimpered against his mouth while we kissed, Lando shutting the door behind us without breaking the kiss.

I could still see them though, haunting my thoughts, torturing me.

Lando walked backwards to the bedroom as he dragged me there, then looked at me with need while I pushed him against the mattress, straddling him, unzipping his pants.

I whined into the pillow as I listened to Lando grunting with each thrust, his hands gripping my hips firmly, the sounds deliciously obscene.

Thankfully, I couldn’t think anymore, surrendering myself to him completely as my knees gave up, the brown-haired man going deeper, one hand pulling at my hair.

I could no longer feel the hole in my heart once Lando collapsed next to me on the mattress, sweaty and breathless. I couldn’t feel anything at all, laying on my stomach, barely there.

I opened my eyes to catch him looking at me, the concern from earlier already back into his beautiful eyes. We went underneath the covers and I fell asleep against him in a minute.

There were no words spiraling in my brain, no questions, or any emotions left in me.

Just, peace and quiet.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

I came back home the next morning, my father waiting for me on the couch with a disapproving look.

“Where were you?” Dad asked while I entered the room. “You could’ve answered my calls, I was worried.” I rolled my eyes. “I was waiting for you—”

“Right.” I murmured as I rubbed my eyes with my index and thumb. “What about you?” He frowned, arms crossed. “Where were you yesterday?” Dad looked away as soon as I asked the question. “What’s going on?”

“I might have been a little distracted lately.” He answered. “I—” He sighed and looked back at me, lips pressed together. “I was waiting. But unfortunately, I feel like there won’t be any right time to tell you this.

My heartbeat increased from anticipation as I waited for him to continue. I totally had developed a tendency to expect the worst at the time, but with all the things that had happened to me in a few weeks, it was pretty understandable, I guess.

“I met someone quite recently, Carrie.” I blinked, a little stunned as my brain took the information. “She’s great, she’s—”

I laughed. “So, what—” I tried to collect my thoughts. “You forgot about mom’s birthday because there’s someone else. You meet someone and all of a sudden, she does not exist anymore.”

As much as I wanted to see my father happy, I just couldn’t tolerate what he had done the previous day. It hurt to see the only person who truly knew my mother pulling away from what was left of her.

His eyes narrowed. “I understand that you’re upset, but—” I scoffed at him. “You’re not the only one who’s been mourning her. You’re not the one who’s been living alone in this house for the past three years.”

I looked away as I chuckled nervously. “Not this again.”

Dad stood up. “You’re barely coming home anymore.” He said, pointing at me. “You finally decided to come back for one summer, that’s great. But don’t expect things to haven’t changed while you were gone, Y/N.”

My eyes started to water. “There’s a difference between a few changes and—”

“I’m upset that your mother died. I’m upset that my own daughter barely talks to me anymore. I’m upset about lots of things as well.” He approached me. “Every time I look at you, I see her.” My stomach flipped as I heard the crack in his voice. “Every time.”

“You had never forgotten about mom’s birthday before.” I sniffed.

“I know.” He sighed. “She’s always in my heart, she will always be. But I can’t stay alone forever, waiting for someone who will never come back to me.”

That one hurt.

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings over the past few years.” I told him. “And, I don’t want you to be alone for the rest of your life. I’m sorry, it’s just—” He nodded with a thin smile. “There’s so much happening at the moment, this is not the summer I had expected.”

Dad hummed then asked. “Where were you last night?”

I glanced down at my feet. “I— I bumped into Lando Norris, in town the other day and we’ve been hanging out together.” He rolled his eyes. “What— He’s really nice.”

“It’s none of my business.” He stepped back a little. “But—” I groaned, arms crossed. “I was also there at dinner the other night. I’m not an idiot and I’m not blind, Y/N.”

I shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, come on.” My dad chuckled at my stubbornness. “I’ve been there since the beginning, I’ve seen it all, I called it.” I shook my head, rolled my eyes, trying to play it cool. “I’m not sure why you’ve been avoiding coming back home ever since you left. But, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t have anything to do with me.”

“Of course it’s not your fault.”

“Right.” He said. “I might not know exactly what happened between you two. Nicole and I have been wondering. However, I do know what love looks like.” I waited. “And I saw the way this kid was looking at you the other night.”

Love.

My pulse quicked.

“No, absolutely not.” I hummed disprovedly as I shook my head, trying to banish this word from my brain. “It’s not— And, even if that was the case, which is not, Oscar already has someone.”

“Y/N.” I had a hard time looking at him. “Eyes don’t lie as well as humans do.”

Love.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

Lando invited me for dinner during the following week.

I couldn’t help but smile as I entered the boy’s apartment, discovering the subdued atmosphere he had set up, the table adorned with candles, music playing in the background.

“This is really nice.” I told him while we were eating. “I didn’t know you could cook this well.”

Lando smiled. “I’m full of surprises.” I chuckled lightly. “You know—” He paused to adjust his posture. “I’m really enjoying whatever is going on between us.”

“Oh.” I looked up at him abruptly. “You don’t wanna have sex with me anymore.” Lando cackled at my assumption, the boy shaking his head while drinking. “Is that it?”

I smirked at my own question while Lando stared at me. “Nope.” He cleared his throat. “In fact, I love having sex with you.” I hummed, flattered. “I like to be with you.”

“Me too.” I admitted, Lando trying to contain his smile. “I’m really glad we bumped into each other on Main Road.”

“Huh— It has become my favorite street ever since.” I smacked the boy’s arm affectionately as we both laughed. “Seriously, I—” He looked at me attentively, all serious. “I got you something.”

I frowned as I watched him standing up. “A gift?”

Lando walked to the nearest cabinet and opened the first drawer. “I didn’t know I was this good in bed.”

Lando laughed while walking back to the table. “You’re impossible.” I drank some wine, waiting as the boy sat down. “Close your eyes.” I narrowed my eyes. “Trust me.”

“Fine.” I sighed as I did it. “Can I open them now?” I asked two seconds later, a little impatient.

My eyes snapped open as soon as I heard Lando humming approvingly, my gaze landing on the keys next to my drink.

My face contracted with confusion, my eyes wandering between the keys and Lando as the boy waited for me to say something.

“Listen—” He gulped. “I know that it’s casual between us, which is fine by me.” My breath caught. “And I know that you’re leaving in about a month. But I really enjoy spending time with you, having you here.”

I murmured the boy’s name, a little emotional. “I don’t understand.”

“I’m not asking you to move in with me, obviously.” I sighed, relieved. “It’s just to—” He shrugged. “I wanted you to know that you can come here whenever you want, as much as you want.”

I smiled as Lando wouldn’t look at me, anxious. “Okay.” I breathed, the brown-haired boy smiling. “I’m gonna need some space in the bathroom then.”

“I had already emptied a few drawers, just in case.” I rolled my eyes with a smile. “Who said I had done it for you?” I smacked his arm once again. “We need a new bottle.” Lando said, standing up.

And as I watched him walk to the kitchen with enthusiasm, I suddenly felt an uncomfortable sensation in my stomach, grabbing the keys, eying them.

Lando still didn’t know what happened between Oscar and I back in high school.

I didn’t know what to do. We still hadn’t talked our past, about him.

Lando and I’s relationship was completely different now, it was so much better in every aspect. I really appreciated our moments together, I didn’t want to ruin it all by telling him.

But, Lando had been so sweet, honest, and true to me ever since the moment we started to see each other again, despite what happened between us back then.

He deserved someone as truthful as him. Which meant I needed to tell him the truth.

Immediately.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

The next day, I got drunk.

I remember bumping into him while I was heading to the counter to order another drink. I didn’t even notice it was him at first as I apologized over my shoulder, too determined to look back.

Oscar had spotted me though, following me through the crowd and calling my name. “Wait, wait—” I shoved him as I felt someone touching my forearm, not knowing it was him. “It’s me.”

Our eyes met as we stood in the middle of the crowd, people bumping into us, my cheeks flushed from the heat and the alcohol flowing in my veins. “Piastri.” I sighed. I was not in the mood to see him, this was not the right time. “What the hell are you even doing here?”

“I’m with some friends.” He responded loudly over the music, unbothered by my irritated tone. “I— I was about to call you.” I raised a brow. “I mean, I was thinking about it.”

“Right.” I looked around us, a little agitated. “We can’t talk here.” I told him as I saw someone eying us from across the room. “Come with me.”

The boy didn’t complain as I dragged him away, my eyes scanning the environment with worry while we made our way through the club under the blue incandescent light.

Once we were upstairs, I briefly looked over my shoulder to make sure no one was following us, nodded at the bouncer, then asked Oscar to come with me in the empty VIP section.

We could still see the dancefloor from here.

“Do you know this guy?” Oscar asked me. “I never took you for the party animal type.” I looked over the railing. “How did you even know no one would be here?”

“I’m not one.” I told him as I ignored the questions.

“Ugh.” Oscar said. “You gotta be fuckin’ kidding me.” I turned around, my face dropping as I saw him holding the card with: section reserved to Lando Norris, on it. “So— This is what it’s all about. You don’t want him to see us together.”

“I was not expecting to see you here.” I said as my hands flailed, annoyed. Oscar threw away the card, grimacing “Lando reserved the section for his best friend, Max. It’s his birthday tonight.” I explained to him. “They’re all downstairs.”

Oscar hummed and looked into the distance as he thought about something. “It was not a one time thing, wasn’t it?” His eyes landed on me again, heavy with assumptions. “You and him.”

“What difference does it make?” I asked him, the crowd cheering and chanting from downstairs as the music changed. “It doesn’t matter.”

His face contracted with discontentment. “Trust me, it fuckin’ does.”

I came closer to him subconsciously as Oscar stood by the couches. “I don’t understand what’s your fuckin’ problem with him.”

“Deal with it, I don’t care.” He responded harshly. I blinked, a little astounded by the hardness in his tone. “Does he know?”

“Does she know?” I asked right back, dangerously close to him by now. “Have you told her about the one time I ended up in your bed?” Oscar stared at me intensely. “Tell me, Osc.”

“Don’t call me that.” He responded, jaw clenched. I had a hard time staying focused as I could smell him from there, his sweat, his damn lavender scent, his breath. “Shit— Stop looking at me like that.”

I sighed at my attraction towards him, the feeling intolerable and suffocating, an immense weight over my shoulders.

I could escape it at a distance, but never when we were in the same room.

“She probably gives you butterflies.” I said with bitterness, out of the blue, consumed by jealousy, the image of Oscar and Lily holding hands still fresh in my mind. “She’s so beautiful and nice.”

“She is.” Oscar confirmed. He examined my face attentively through the obscurity of the club, my heart massive with regret as I knew I could never fix it all, could no longer have him all to myself. “She’s not you though.”

I swear, the world stopped spinning once I caught him staring at my lips with envy, my heartbeat synchronizing to the music, the basses resonating through my chest, the air unbreathable.

There were no words strong enough to describe how I felt about him. I hated the way I could not even explain it, simply feel it, endure it.

Despite everything, Oscar was still there, underneath my flesh, deeply rooted in my core, the glue to my bones. This boy could either ignite me or destroy me.

And I didn’t even know which option terrified me the most.

Oscar groaned in frustration. “Why did you bring me up here?”

I swallowed hard. “I don’t know.” I answered, looking down at his mouth. “Why did you follow me?”

“Because—” His toned chest raised as he took a deep breath, staring straight at me. “I’d follow you anywhere.”

Love.

I could no longer hear the music, I could only hear the sound of my raging heart, my muscle begging for mercy.

It took me so much effort to not throw myself at him at that moment, right there, on the couches, on the floor, wherever he’d want it.

He could’ve done anything to me, I would’ve let him.

I saw the restraint in Oscar’s eyes while I licked my lips, our chests almost touching, our faces only a few centimeters away from one another.

“I told him.” I admitted, almost in tears as I felt an avalanche of emotions washing me over, barely breathing. “I told Lando.”

Oscar nodded. “You like him.” I could feel how much it was a burden to him, the boy’s eyes suddenly bright. “Otherwise, you wouldn’t have felt the need to tell him.”

“I—” This statement had taken me aback. “He deserved to know.”

I stepped back as I noticed the brown-haired boy approaching us, unhurried. Lando didn’t seem as upset to see me with Oscar as I had expected him to be.

Somehow, I almost felt relieved to see Lando at that moment as Oscar kept looking at me, captivated. Someone needed to intervene. Perhaps, the universe had sent Lando to come find me on purpose.

Lando stopped a few meters away from us, hands in pockets, patiently waiting for Oscar and I to finish our conversation.

His behavior, composure left me astonished as I knew how much hatred Lando felt towards Oscar.

He did have really changed, I thought.

“Enjoy your evening.” Oscar said to me.

He walked by Lando without saying a word. Thankfully, they had both decided to ignore each other.

Lando didn’t even mention him once throughout the conversation we had afterwards. He comforted me as he could tell something was wrong, without asking any questions.

And as Lando held me in his arms, I caught him looking back at us one last time.

I stared at him in the distance with a conflicted heart, Oscar shaking his head lightly once our eyes met, taking the stairs in a hurry, the pretty boy disappearing among the crowd.

I could hear my father’s voice within my thoughts, telling me once again, I know know what love looks like.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

I woke up alone the next morning.

I turned to reach for Lando, frowning as I felt the coldness of the sheets underneath my fingers while I touched the mattress, searching for him.

Just in case, I opened my eyes and took a look around the room as I prompted myself on my elbows.

Nothing.

Lando was sitting on the couch once I left the room, drinking coffee. He didn’t even say good morning to me as our eyes met.

I sat down next to him, a little disconcerted by his silence.

“Lando.” I said. “You’ve been awfully quiet since—” I gulped, embarrassed to bring the subject back. “Yesterday.”

We hadn’t talked much throughout the rest of the evening, there had been a certain distance between us.

Despite how close our bodies were the entire time, I could tell Lando wasn’t actually there, the brown-haired boy ruminating, captive to his own thoughts.

It’s true, we hadn’t talked about him, and Lando did seem indifferent to the situation last night. But, it turned out to be a facade.

I figured it out once we came back to the apartment, as Lando didn’t waste any time and dragged me to the bedroom as soon as we stepped inside, communicating with me through his body, all night long.

Lando claimed me with his bare hands, I felt his frustration within every kiss, in every movement, and every look.

“Come on…” I whined playfully. “I miss your smile, grumpy!” Lando smirked with a sigh. “I’m sure you can do better than that.”

Lando glanced at the new hickey on my thigh, then sighed. “I’m sorry.” He said as he reached to touch it, rubbing the skin gently with his thumb. “For yesterday.”

“You did not hurt me.” I assured him. “In fact, I liked it.” I admitted, shameless. “It was— Intense.” Lando chuckled. “I’m just saying—”

“I was not talking about that, specifically.” He set the cup on the table. “I could tell, by the way.” He winked at me. “But, I’m glad to hear it.” I shoved him while chuckling, the boy smirking proudly. “I meant my attitude at the club, on the way back home…”

I nodded in encouragement once Lando stopped. “Talk to me.” I shifted closer to him on the couch. “It’s about him, isn’t it.” I said “Nothing happened up there, I swear.”

“I know, I know.” I had told him already, as soon as he walked to me in the VIP section. “But it doesn’t matter. Because, whatever happens, I don’t have a say.” He glanced at me. “Right?”

“Lan.” I sighed, my chest tight. “Please, don’t do this.”

“We don’t owe each other anything, I know.” Lando said precipitately. “But, shit— I can’t help the way I feel.” He turned to lean over me. “I could feel the tension between you two from across the fuckin’ club.” I shook my head. “It was as massive as it used to be back then.”

“No, it was not.” He scoffed at my lie, right away. “I know that, I—” I almost choked on my guilt as I swallowed, remembering the disappointment on his face the night I told him the truth. “I fucked up and I hurt your feelings, back then. But this—” I pointed at us. “Is different.”

Unfortunately, Lando didn’t seem convinced. “Y/N.” My stomached knotted as I could feel him slipping through my fingers. “Look me in the eye and tell me you’d still be here, with me, if Piastri didn’t already have a girlfriend.”

I froze.

“I—” I blinked. “I don’t know.” I admitted quietly, embarrassed by my own confusion. “But—” The boy sighed deeply, to contain his emotions. “We don’t have to do this.”

“Yes, I think we fuckin’ need to.” Lando stated with irritation. “Listen, I know how much Piastri means to you, I know I can’t compete. I’ve already lost once—”

“This isn’t a competition!” My heartbeat increased. “And I told you, we’re not kids anymore, we’re not the same, it’s different.”

“Exactly, we’re not kids anymore.” He responded harshly. “Shit— I don’t even understand what’s going on between you two.” I shifted back to create some space between us. “It’s been years and yet, nothing has changed when it comes to him.”

“Please, Lan.” I murmured, my throat tight as I scratched my elbow. “Yes, in this case scenario, I don’t know what would’ve happened between Oscar and I. But—” I shrugged. “I was disappointed this morning, when I woke up and noticed that you were gone.”

As soon as Lando heard the crack in my voice, the brunette shifted closer to me, eyes bright and panicked, grabbing my hand. “Don’t cry.”

“I craved your warmth, your touch.” His features progressively softened as he listened to me. “I might be unsure about certain things. But, I know where I wanna today. From the moment I woke up, you were already on my mind.” I sniffed as I looked straight at him, with my heart on my sleeve. “Not Oscar.”

“Y/N.” Lando breathed as we stared at each other intensely. “I don’t want him to get between us, again.”

I cracked under the pressure, throwing myself at him, kissing him passionately, my hands tugging at his t-shirt with eagerness to pull him closer as I desperately needed to feel him against me, inside me.

In no time, I ended up on my back, Lando spreading my thighs open with firmness as I whimpered in anticipation while looking at him.

My moans echoed through the living room as I arched my back and gripped the couch, Lando devouring me, the brown-haired boy glancing up at me with satisfaction while I breathed heavily.

I had to return the favor, I deeply wanted to.

I forced him to sit down, the boy wiping the corner of his mouth with his thumb, observing me as I pulled down his boxers abruptly, Lando’s head falling backwards once I took him in my mouth smoothly.

We spent our Sunday on the couch, intertwined.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

We celebrated Dad’s fiftieth birthday at our house.

Carrie — whom I had met quite recently, him and I, organized the party together. Dad invited many people, including Nicole Piastri, who told him she’d be coming with her son.

My father and I had to have a serious conversation about him, obviously.

He didn’t want us to cause a scene, again. But, his concerns didn’t make any sense to me, since he could’ve simply asked Nicole to choose someone else to accompany her.

However, for some reason, he didn’t want to.

Ever since our conversation on the couch, my relationship with Lando had drastically improved. By that point, we were constantly together, I hadn’t spent a day at home in two weeks.

So, as soon as my father started talking about the party, I told him I wanted a certain someone on the guest list.

At first, Dad wasn’t particularly pleased by the idea. He hadn’t seen Lando since back when we were in high school and feared it might create even more tension between Oscar and I.

How ironic, I thought. Once again, he could’ve asked Nicole to choose someone else.

I told the stubborn man it wasn’t any better to let me alone with Oscar Piastri an entire evening. Which, despite the circumstances at the time, wasn’t a lie.

We were both pretty unpredictable.

The conversation went on for hours. In the end, Carrie was the one to convince him to give Lando a chance. She told him it wasn’t fair since Nicole was allowed to come with Oscar. I should’ve been able to come with whoever I wanted as well.

Coolest stepmom, from the start.

In the mirror, I watched the brown-haired boy attentively as he walked around my bedroom. “Look at you.” Lando whispered close to my ear, standing behind me. “You’re gonna be the prettiest woman at this party.”

I smiled idiotically. “You don’t look too bad yourself.” I turned to face him. “I’m really happy that you’re here tonight.”

“Anything for you.” Lando murmured with both hands on my waist. Our mouths brushed against one another temptingly as I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Although, I’m sure you could find a way to thank me.”

I grinned while I contained my laugh. “Shut up, Norris.” He smirked, my eyes lingering on his lips. “Don’t push it.”

“Shit.” He huffed dramatically. “That’s so hot.” I bursted out laughing, then shoved him gently. “Seriously— Be bossy, I like it.”

I set my hands over the boy’s chest, Lando chuckling. “You’ve been trying to make me laugh all day, it’s cute.” He shrugged innocently. “I know I've been quite stressed out, I’m sorry.” I sighed. “Thank you for coming here with me, I know it makes you uncomfortable to be in the same room as him.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He told me. “You needed emotional support, I understand.” I sighed lovingly as I stared deep into his blue eyes. “And, it means so much to me that you wanted me here. I don’t care about him, this is about us.”

“Kiss me.” I murmured as I felt my knees buckle. “Now.”

Lando didn’t waste any time, my eyes shutting once our lips connected softly. I held him by the neck as we deepened the kiss, tilting my head.

“I—” He breathed, unsteady. “I think—” I smiled, which increased his stuttering. “Shit—“ He chuckled nervously. “I think we should go downstairs.” I nodded faintly as my lips brushed against his once again. “I don’t wanna make a bad impression.”

“Five more minutes.” I said with pleading eyes while I played with the buttons of his shirt. “Please, Lan.” He smirked at the nickname, I knew he couldn’t resist it. “Please.”

I wasn’t ready to leave our bubble, I wasn’t ready to see him.

Judging by the tense expression on Lando’s face, I could tell he was about to lose it. “It doesn’t work on me.” He murmured as I batted my eyelashes at him. “That’s not fair.” I bit my lip. “That’s so fuckin’ unfair.”

Lando leaned to capture my lips in a heated kiss.

Pleased, I gasped quietly, collapsing against him, his two hands sliding down to my ass, gripping it, while my own were already wandering through his curls.

I walked out the bedroom with a smile on my face.

Unfortunately, it vanished shortly afterwards as Lando and I — hand in hand, came face to face with Oscar while we were making our way through the crowded hallway.

But, the boy wasn’t alone. Lily was right next to him.

I didn’t get much time to digest my emotions, quite stunned as Lily rushed to greet us with a smile. “It’s so nice to see you again.” She told me. “Thanks for inviting me.”

No matter how much I truly wanted to make a comment regarding her presence here, I didn’t want to seem impolite, nor make Lily feel uncomfortable.

So, I took a deep breath and greeted them both, then tried to act as normal as I could, despite the oppressive sensation growing within my chest, Oscar eying us weirdly.

Thankfully, I did find some comfort in Lando, the boy squeezing my hand to remind me we were in this together.

Oscar and I glanced at each other from time to time while the brown-haired boy chatted with Lily. And, neither one of us said a word throughout the entire conversation.

He was outrageously handsome that night. Dressed in a black suit with a white shirt — slightly unbuttoned, underneath it.

It was enough to make my stomach flip.

Suddenly, Lily turned to me. “I was wondering, how long have you guys been to—” She didn’t even get a chance to ask the question though as Oscar hurried to contradict her with a firm tone.

“She’s not with him.” He stated. “They’re not together.”

An awkward silence settled in.

My eyes wandered between the two boys anxiously as Oscar and Lando stared at each other with hostility, the tension between them one word away from blowing up.

Lily cleared her throat. “I thought— Nevermind.” Poor girl, she must have felt as uncomfortable and confused as I did at that moment. “Anyway.”

I tilted my head towards Lando as the boy remained stoic. “Lan.” I reached for his forearm with my second hand, the other one still tightly held by him. “I need some air.”

Oscar grinned arrogantly as Lando sighed. “Asshole.” He murmured through clenched teeth. “Come on, sweetheart.”

These damn birthdays.

I let Lando walk us through the house to reach the garden, then nudged him from me immediately as we stepped outside, genuinely disappointed by his behavior.

“You cannot be serious.” I told him with despair. “You’ve never called me sweetheart before.”

Lando huffed, amused. “Well— You should’ve seen his face.” I frowned. “Piastri was livid.” I shifted away from him once he tried to take my hand back. “Come on— Y/N.”

“No!” I told him, exasperated as I felt my heart racing. “Just— Don’t ever use me to get at him again.” I looked at the guests around us in the garden with embarrassment, arms crossed. “I hate it.”

“I overreacted, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” I flinched once Lando touched my back. “Please— Look at me.” I accepted with a little restraint. “It won’t happen again, I swear.”

“I don’t want us to fight, but—" My breath hitched as Lando wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “It makes me uncomfortable.”

“It won’t happen again, I promise.”

At some point during the evening, Oscar and Lily ended up near us in the kitchen, Nicole standing by their side as she chatted enthusiastically with Lily.

I could feel him watching me from across the room as my father came up to us, the two women accompanying Oscar completely oblivious.

During the conversation, Lando wrapped an arm around my waist affectionately to give me some attention as I listened quietly.

I responded by leaning against him comfortably, the brown-haired boy smiling at me once I winked at him, my chest soft.

I smiled, Dad and Lando talking properly for the first time in years, the two men laughing heartily together, the scene heartwarming.

A few moments later, my father went searching for Carrie.

“See.” Lando said close to my ear as I was still cuddled up against him. “You father likes me, I think.”

I looked up at him, my heart surrounded by a comforting warmth as I let myself dive into his eyes, feeling safe, the boy’s excitement so endearing.

“Yeah...” I murmured, my fingers tugging at his shirt. “Me too, I think.” I sighed. “I’m happy that you’re here.” I told him once again, my heart at peace. “To be honest, I don’t think I would’ve done it with anyone else—”

Lando leaned and kissed me, interrupting me.

I let him, cupping the boy’s cheek tenderly as I pressed myself against him, Lando’s hands settling on my waist, my body levitating.

But then, a shrill sound separated us.

All of a sudden, the whole room went quiet and looked at him in astonishment, Oscar holding onto a shattered glass of champagne in the palm of his hand.

My heart sank at the sight of his blood, Lily and Nicole rushing to check on him, the boy staring at me with resentment.

“Holy shit.” I murmured with fright. “You’re bleeding!” I said, running up to him instinctively. “I— Let me see.” Oscar remained calm as I held up his wrist. “Go upstairs in my room, we’ll take care of it. I’ll come once I’m done cleaning up here.”

“No, no, no.” Nicole said with concern, examining her son’s palm. “I’ll clean up, you have to sanitize your wound immediately, Oscar.” He headed to the hallway quickly, I followed.

We didn’t talk much at first, Oscar watching my every move attentively while I cleaned up his wound with care. At least, now we were safe from the chaos reigniting downstairs.

The guilt was eating me alive, it must have been horrible for Oscar to see us sharing a kiss. I had completely forgotten he was in the room.

To be honest, I didn’t know what I would’ve done if I were him, I could barely handle looking at Lily and him.

“Four years passed and yet, you’re still pretty good at this.” Oscar joked. He sighed as I didn’t respond. “You know, for someone who’s supposed to be single, you sure seem to be quite into him.”

I froze. “Well— You said it yourself.” I looked up at him. “We are not together.”

Oscar hummed approvingly as I focused back on his wound, putting a band-aid on the palm of his hand. “Right.” I sighed. “We weren’t together either.”

I ignored him, despite the sudden pain blooming in my chest. “Okay.” I told him as I finished. “All good.”

“You come with him to your father’s birthday party, you kiss him in front of everybody.” My eyes snapped back to him. “Sounds pretty fuckin’ serious to me, sweetheart.”

My jaw clenched. “What is she doing here?” I asked. “Why did you bring her here?” He remained quiet. “You knew I’d be there, I can’t believe you’ve done this.”

“What was I supposed to do?” Oscar asked. “I couldn’t just leave her all by herself at home and come here.”

“You could’ve fuckin’ stayed at home with her!” I responded with exasperation. “This is my house, my family—”

“I used to be your family.” I blinked. “I came here to see you, that’s all.” Oscar glanced down at his injury. “I would’ve rather suffer an entire evening than miss an opportunity to spend some time with you.”

He’s dating someone, I need to move on, I thought. Lando is nice and good for me, I really like Lando, I repeated in my head, over and over again.

“Don’t say that.” I begged him. “I won’t tolerate it.” My breath caught as Oscar shifted closer to me on the bed. “It’s hard to see you with her.” I admitted quietly.

“It kills me to see you with him.” He admitted in return, eyes soft and bright. “Trust me, he does not deserve you.” I scoffed. “He said something to me earlier tonight, as we crossed paths in the hallway.”

“No— Don’t start.” Oscar caught my wrist as I tried to stand up. “I don’t wanna hear it.”

“I wanted to apologize to him, for the way I reacted to Lily’s question earlier.” I rolled my eyes. “I swear.” He said. “When I asked him how he was doing, Lando looked me dead in the eye and said to me—” He paused. “I’ll feel better later tonight, once I’m balls deep inside of her.”

“No.” I ultimately started to cry. “No, no— You’re lying!” Oscar frowned. “He would never say that.”

“Why would I be lying?” Oscar asked, consternated. “If it wasn’t your father’s birthday, I would’ve killed him.” I stared at the wall. “I wouldn’t lie to you about this.”

I swallowed hard, my throat tight. “When.” I said calmly. “When was this?” My teary eyes settled on him, filled with hope.

“An hour after you guys went outside, I think.” I closed my eyes hard as I cried silently, my heart aching. “Y/N.”

I huffed through the tears, then opened my eyes as I stood up. “It’s fine— Don’t worry about it.” I wiped my tears. “You need to leave.”

“No— It’s not okay.” Oscar stood up as well, furious. “This dude is messing with you.” I shot him a dark stare. “I don’t think he’s been completely honest with you—“

“Don’t you dare.” Oscar blinked. “You don’t know shit about my relationship with Lando.” I said through clenched teeth as I pointed at him. “He’s an idiot, but it does not mean he doesn’t truly care about me. Not everything revolves around you, Piastri.”

“Oscar.” I frowned as the boy pronounced his own name. “My name is Oscar.” He sighed. “I hate it when you call me by my last name whenever we fight, you seem so detached.” He said. “My name never sounds better than when you’re the one saying it.”

As much as I appreciated seeing Oscar in a suit, at that moment, all I wanted was to ask him to throw off the damn jacket. I wanted to unbutton that fuckin’ shirt myself, to touch him underneath it.

And then, as I dared myself to cross the line, my heart one second away from exploding in my chest, I knew I was condemned to succumb to him perpetually.

My Oscar, my childhood friend, my favorite crime.

I stared at him blankly, in shock. “You need to leave.” I repeated as I stifled my most impure thoughts, my deepest emotions. “Please.”

“Wait, I’ve got something for you.” Oscar pulled out an envelope from the inside pocket of his jacket, handing it to me. “I wrote it four years ago, in Monaco.” He explained. “I never sent it.”

I took it, a little hesitant. “Okay.” Oscar nodded, then walked by. “But— Why are you giving this to me now?” I asked as I turned towards him abruptly. “I don’t get it.”

Oscar stopped at the door to look at me, one last time. “About Lando, I wasn’t implying that he didn’t care about you. I’m sure he does, he’s just an insecure douche who’s afraid to lose you, I think.” He said. “I won’t blame him though, I know exactly what it feels like.”

These damn birthdays.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

It took me a week to find the courage to open the envelope.

I was alone, standing by the window in my bedroom, watching through the curtains the raindrops fall as a storm reigned outside, the afternoon sky covered with grey clouds, thunder rumbling in the distance.

I was supposed to leave the house in about twenty minutes to meet Lando at his apartment. I hadn’t seen him in a few days, as I had chosen to spend my last week at home with my father.

I had been distant since the birthday party though. However, Lando didn’t make any comment nor ask any questions.

Good.

I didn’t know what to think about his behavior, and I didn’t know how to feel regarding him either. I was as confused as disappointed by Lando.

I was deeply concerned by this situation as I had quite recently come to the conclusion that I had ultimately developed feelings for him.

And surprisingly, it didn’t scared me.

“Shit.” I murmured to myself as the power went out. “Great.”

And as I turned towards the desk to check my phone just in case Lando had texted me about the weather, my eyes settled on the envelope as it laid nearby on the nightstand.

I sighed deeply and took the thin white rectangle in my hands, feeling as tempted as scared by the idea to open it. “It’s just a letter.” I said to no one. “Wrote by him.”

My pulse spiked.

I could’ve texted Lando to tell him I’d be late due to the storm, I could’ve called my father to check on him and Carrie, I could’ve started packing.

I could’ve done anything else, rather than reading it.

I sat down on the bed then opened the envelope in a rush, both hands shaking as I held the letter close to my face and started to read it under the faint light coming through the window.

“Dear Y/N,

It’s late at night and you’re now answering my calls. You still haven’t answered my text, nor mentioned it. I can’t stop thinking about you, I’m sure you’d love it here. I’m wearing the t-shirt you wore at my house, unfortunately it doesn’t smell like you anymore. My friends keep asking about you, I don’t know what to tell them. I’m starting to think you hate me now, and it breaks my heart. I often miss your laugh in the mornings, because it’s the first thing I tend to think about after waking up lately. I don’t think I’ll ever send this to you. I wish I had kissed you back then. I wish I could’ve found the courage to tell you how I felt. I’m miles away, and all I wanna do is come home to you.

You’re my best friend, my first love.”

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

I was drenched once I stepped on the front porch, my shoes covered with mud, my chest rising fast as I could barely breathe, exhausted from the walk here.

I flinched as thunder resonated through the deserted neighborhood, my body struck by an overwhelming sadness.

I knocked aggressively, my hair dripping, water-drops flowing along my cheeks, my mind flooded with questions.

The door swung open, Oscar eying me from head to toe with wide astonished eyes. I raised the letter in despair, the paper soaked, the words unreadable.

Oscar took a brief look at it, then sighed as his brown eyes set on me. “Y/N, I—”

“Why.” I said firmly as I stared at him, shaking. “Why.” I repeated louder, my eyes bright. “Why didn’t you—“ My heart tied in a knot. “If I knew back then, I would’ve— We could’ve—“

Oscar gulped. “I’m sorry.”

I threw the letter at him on impulse.

“Why.” I cried out as I shoved him, Oscar stoic. “Why.” He stepped backwards quickly once I walked through the door, slamming it shut behind me. “Why now.” I hit him on the chest. “You could’ve give it to me weeks ago.”

And then, as I sobbed and raised my hands — both fists clenched, to hit him on the chest one more time, Oscar caught my wrist with both hands.

My breath hitched.

“Don’t fuckin’ touch me.” I pleaded with him, Oscar unfazed as I struggled desperately while trying to escape from his grip in vain. “Let me go.” I groaned, the boy patiently waiting for me to surrender to him.

I let out a defeated sigh, far too drained emotionally to fight him any longer, my heart racing as I raised my head to look up at him, short of breath.

The room went quiet, the rain falling hard against the windows, my hands taking place on his chest as Oscar slowly released my wrists.

Suddenly, I felt unsteady as Oscar stared at me, eyes immersed in mine, our heads leaning magnetically towards one another, our alchemy as striking as lightning.

“But—” I looked around us. “What about—“

Oscar caught my chin, then turned my head back to him. “Nobody’s home.” He replied hastily, his pupils blown, the boy staring down at my lips. “It’s just us.”

His hands settled on my waist.

I felt slightly intimidated by him as I could read the desire barely hidden within his eyes, his features tight.

I breathed heavily once our mouths brushed against each other with curiosity, my hands moving up to his neck.

I could feel the heat emanating from him under my fingertips.

“Say it.” Oscar murmured close to my lips, eyes half closed while yearning as he took a deep breath, his hands disappearing underneath my top, gripping at the skin of my back. “Please.”

My nose brushed against his as I batted my lashes at him, swallowing my feelings, my chest overflowing with affection. “It.” I joked, Oscar grunting with desperation as I chuckled lightly, our opened mouths teasing each other temptingly.

“You’ll be the death of me.” I gasped softly as Oscar pressed himself against me. “Say it.” He demanded with a low voice, my stomach flipping at the sudden darkness in his tone. “I need words.”

“Take me.” I murmured rawly while staring at him, my skin burning underneath my soaked clothes, my mouth seeking his. “Make me yours.”

Time stopped, the tension blowing up in a heartbeat.

My words inflamed him.

In a smooth quick motion, Oscar lifted me from the ground, a nervous laugh escaping my throat as he carried me over his shoulder to his bedroom.

I watched him take off his t-shirt once my back hit the mattress, my mouth panting. He hurried to join me, his body hovering above mine, his mouth chasing me with need as I sank into the mattress.

I kissed him hard, my hands wandering through his hair, fingers tugging at the ends as I wrapped my legs around him, seeking some friction. Oscar responded instantly to my subtle attempt to feel him closer, thrusting his hips against me subconsciously.

“I need you so bad.” I murmured as I pulled away.

I whimpered as I watched him kissing down my stomach, my inner thighs, my head falling back into the pillows once his mouth touched me where I needed him the most.

I caught him glancing at me from time to time, smirking against my heat, Oscar humming satisfyingly each time I’d arch against his mouth, his hands gripping my thighs.

He kissed me passionately while settling above me, my hands caressing the boy’s forearms as they went up to his broad shoulders, then his back, my nails digging into his skin.

“I’ll be gentle.” Oscar whispered against my swollen lips. “I swear.” I nodded impatiently, both overly frustrated and touched by his concern.

Oscar’s mouth fell open at the first thrust, the boy watching me carefully, savoring my every reaction at each movement, my moan increasing as I adjusted to him.

“Fuck…“ He moaned softy as I wrapped my legs around him and rolled my hips to feel him deeper. “You want more, I’ll give you more.”

Despite the pressure, I tried my best to keep my eyes open to admire him as much as I could, Oscar thrusting into me slowly and deep while holding my legs as they rested over his shoulders, the boy kissing my ankle, my hands gripping the sheets.

I drowned under the overwhelming buildup of heat in my stomach, sweet and consuming, my body becoming numb underneath him as I held him close to me, his hips slamming into mine fiercely, Oscar grunting as I screamed close to his ear.

“You feel so fuckin’ good.” He let out. “You were made for me.”

Oscar stared at me with hungry eyes while falling back against the mattress as I straddled him, his hands set on my hips to guide me, the boy dragging his tongue across his lips while watching me, lose control as I rode him, my chest covered in sweat.

He wrapped his arms around me once I fell against him, barely conscious, one of his hands moving up along my spine to the back of my neck, the other one gripping my hip as Oscar kept moving, thrusting deeper inside me.

“Shit— Oscar.” I mumbled faintly in his neck, overcome by pleasure as I let him use my body freely, the boy chasing his own release. “Oscar.”

I could feel him tensing up each time I moaned his name, his thrusts brutal, filled with years of restraint, Oscar whimpering my name over and over again as I lifted my head to look him in the eye.

His deep brown eyes softened as my thumb brushed his cheekbone. “Oh— Baby.” Oscar whispered between short breaths. My heart clutched. “Fuck…“ I pressed my forehead against his at the last second, our mouths falling open in union as Oscar came .

And as we looked at each other tenderly, Oscar holding my hand, kissing it as our fingers intertwined, I understood what it meant to make love.

For the first time.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

I closed the door quietly, my stomach tied in a knot.

I walked into the apartment carefully as I glanced around, searching for him. I swallowed hard once my eyes landed on his silhouette, Lando by the window with a glass of wine.

He didn’t notice me.

I cleared my throat, then let my stuff fall onto the floor to catch his attention, Lando’s eyes snapping on me abruptly, the boy standing still.

There was an unbearable tension between us as I greeted him, the atmosphere uncomfortable, as electric as the one from outside.

I could barely breath, the pressure oppressing my lungs.

“You’re late.” Lando said. “I’ve been waiting for hours.” He eyed me from head to toe. “You weren’t answering my calls.” He headed in my direction. “I was starting to think you weren’t going to come.”

My stomach flipped.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” I told Lando as he stopped in his tracks, standing a few centimeters away from me. “My phone died.”

I could sense the suspicions blooming in his mind as Lando stared at me, his blue eyes filled with contempt. I held his gaze, my throat tight, the guilt washing over me.

I didn’t want to lie to him, I hadn’t planned on doing it.

On my way here, I wondered which approach could be the best. I tried to find the best way to tell him the truth, but there was none.

I knew he’d hate me, inevitably.

“Where were you?” He asked. “At home?” I shook my head weakly. “Where were you then?” I gulped while I watched Lando’s face contract with anger as I remained silent. “Answer the fuckin’ question.”

“I was with him.” I mumbled, too low for him to hear. “I’m sorry.”

Lando frowned then tilted his head towards me as I glanced down, ashamed. “Say that again, I didn’t quite catch what you said.” I sighed deeply. “Look at me.”

His face went pale as our eyes met, Lando understood right away once I started to cry, the brown-haired boy chuckling nervously, completely broken.

“I fuckin’ knew it, I felt it in my gut.”

I flinched as Lando desperately threw his glass across the room, shattering it, the boy consumed by deception.

He rubbed his face. “I know, we don’t owe each other anything.” I looked at him in disbelief, shocked by his sudden violence. “But— Shit, I expected some fuckin’ honesty from you.”

I scoffed at him. “Some honesty.” I repeated with disdain. “You’ve got some nerve, Norris.” Lando frowned. “Yeah— I know what you told Oscar at my father’s birthday party.” I said. “Disgusting.”

His face dropped.

“Don’t talk to me about honesty!” I said while pointing at him, getting emotional as my stomach knotted hard, still hurt by his words. “You swore you wouldn’t do it again.” I paused. “You can’t imagine how disappointed I was.”

Lando nodded. “Fine.” He raised both hands, capitulating. “You’re right— I fucked up. I shouldn’t have done that, I know.” I crossed my arms. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“I’m not an object, Lan.”

Lando grimaced, frustrated. “I don’t see you as one!” He blurted out with exasperation, eyes wide. “It’s just—“ I could feel something building up within his chest, the brown-haired boy cracking progressively. “For fuck sake— I’m in love with you, Y/N!”

I blinked then snorted, taken aback. “No, you’re not.” I stated, Lando looking at me with despair, the both of us astonished by one another. “No— You don’t mean it.”

He stepped closer. “Listen to me.” I sighed. “I’m not dumb, I know you’ll never truly stop loving this jackass. But, I’ve been nothing but good to you ever since we started seeing each other again.” He explained. “So, yeah— It drives me crazy, as I’ve noticed that I’ve always been yours, but you were never mine.”

An overwhelming gloom emerged through my body as I listened to him. “Lando, I—“

“No.” Lando shook his head sharply, determined to continue his speech. “No— Let me speak.” He said. “You’re right, I failed you the other day, I’ve been an asshole, I’m sorry.”

“You’re not—” I stopped myself as Lando shot me a disapproving look. “Sorry.”

Lando took a deep breath, burned out by his own emotions. “I’m losing my mind lately, because despite everything I do, you still don’t want to give me a fuckin’ chance.” He exhaled, visibly content to let it all out. “It might have started as a casual thing, but it’s not what I want the most from you.”

My heart bleed, Lando pausing to look at me, my hands reaching for his chest instinctively as I craved his warmth, the conflict between my heart and my head making me feel sick.

He grabbed my face. “It’s your heart that I want.”

I couldn’t help but smile, as at the time, it was the most beautiful thing someone had ever told me, the sort of moment you never forget about.

“I like you, Lan.” I said, leaning into his touch. “I swear, I do.”

“I know.” He responded. “I know you do, and it drives me fuckin’ insane. I see it in your eyes, I can feel it whenever we touch. But, you won’t commit to this feeling because he’s still there, somewhere in your heart.”

“It’s complicated.”

“Well—” Lando chuckled nervously. “It’s never been complicated for me. I’ve been choosing you ever since we started seeing each other again—” He paused. “Actually, I’ve been choosing you since we were eighteen years old. Everyday, I choose you, no doubt.” I sighed. “Can you say the same thing about him?”

I released myself from Lando’s grip as I took a step back, triggered by the question, crossing my arms to shield myself from the truth, my eyes evasive.

“Please— Give us another chance.” He said. “I know you’re leaving soon, but I’m willing to try.” I sniffed. “I’ll come visit you, I’ll call you as much as I can, I’ll do anything it takes to make you happy.”

“I don’t know, Lan.” I said with sincerity.

“I know, I can be an idiot at times.” Lando added. “I’m not the same as I was in high-school though, this is very serious to me.” I shrugged. “I want you entirely, not just a glimpse.”

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

Our final conversation, before I left.

I stood outside my house by the front door, scratching the hell out of my elbow as I waited for him to arrive, my heart racing, driven by anticipation.

Something about this moment felt familiar as I watched the purple sky disappear within an infinite amount of clouds, the orange sunlight slightly leaking through them.

I hoped that, in the end, the outcome to this conversation wouldn’t bruise me as much as the last time.

Oscar popped in my driveway casually, hands in pockets, eyes down towards the ground as he walked to me, my stomach heaving with excitement at the sight of him.

“Hi.” I breathed, throwing myself into the boy’s arms. “Thank you for coming.”

Oscar wrapped his arms around me swiftly, sighing with relief. We embraced each other for a minute, until I stepped back, a little embarrassed by how fast I ran to him.

“I’m leaving tomorrow, in the morning.” I reminded him, Oscar nodding, lips tight. “I wanted to talk to you about something, something important.” I said. “I’ve talked with Lando, he wants to move to the East Coast, to be with me.”

Oscar blinked. “Oh.” He murmured blandly, eyes expressionless. “I see.“ He sighed. “And, how do you feel about it?” I shrugged. “Why are you telling me this?”

I laughed awkwardly as I looked at him, disconcerted. “Well— I do have feelings for him, I guess.” His face briefly contracted with discomfort, Oscar scrunching his nose. “He’s sweet, warm.” I said. “And, truth is, I don’t think I’ve ever felt misunderstood by him.”

I frowned as Oscar hummed, glancing at the concrete. “You— You’re smiling.“ He looked up at me, dismayed and voice unsteady. “While talking about him.”

“I didn’t even realize.” I admitted, unsettled. “Have you talked to—” I looked around, uneasy. “What’s going on between Lily and—“

Oscar hastened to interrupt me, shaking his head. “Lily and I broke up right after your father’s birthday party.” My jaw dropped. “It was doomed to happen, anyway.”

A silence had set between us, dense and electric, the air filled with unspoken feelings.

Oscar seemed preoccupied by something, brown eyes thoughtful, the boy staring into the void as I was waiting for him to address the elephant in the room.

Us.

I grew impatient, my anxiousness increasing every second as we stood there aimlessly, my brain fulminating.

“Aren’t you gonna say anything to me?” I blurted out, my disappointment striking me as Oscar remained impassive. “Seriously— Oscar.” I added, quite desperate.

“What do you want me to say?” Oscar asked. “If you wanna live with him, it’s not my decision to make.” I rolled my eyes. “I want you to be happy. There’s just a lot going on in my head at the moment.”

“But—“ I paused as I felt a sudden sob coming in my throat, swallowing it away. “I thought—“ My voice cracked, the conversation becoming too intense. “What about the other day?”

“Hey.” Quickly, Oscar caught my chin with gentleness, lifting it. “I’ve been thinking about it constantly ever since. You can’t imagine how many times I’ve dreamed about this moment throughout all these years.” He said. “It meant a lot to me, do not think otherwise.”

He released my chin. “It meant a lot to me too.” I assured him. “It was even better than I had imagined.” We both smiled at the memory. “It was perfect.”

I remember wondering how the universe could be so cruel to me, making him this beautiful and yet, unreachable at the same time.

It was endless, I thought as I felt like the sun chasing the moon. I could see him from afar, I could sense him through my own existence, the boy complementing it, but every time I’d try to reach him, something would remind me that we could not shine at the same time.

One could not live without the other, but I feared there was no timeline where our stars could align together. Which meant we could only love each other at a distance.

I could barely articulate by this point, admiring his beauty under the sunset, my knees one second away from giving up.

“Don’t think it’s easy for me to let you go.” Oscar said. “It’s not.”

“You don’t have to.” I told him with an unbearable sadness overwhelming my senses as I started to panic at the perspective of losing him, again. “You don’t have to. We could—“

I hesitated at first, but then as I thought about the day Oscar left, the moment I ignored his text, the hours I spent ruminating, those years without him, I decided it was time to give my heart to him.

Despite how much it scared me.

“We could be happy.” I told him. “Not just me—” I grabbed his hand. “You and me, happy together.”

As I looked into his eyes, I felt Oscar struggling to keep his composure, the boy fighting against his emotions, repulsing them as much as he could.

“I—“ He paused, tormented. “I don’t think— I can’t.” The words seemed too harsh for him to pronounce, the real sentence remaining in his throat as only a few words managed to come through.

My lip trembled as I cried. “But—”

“Y/N.” Oscar interrupted me. “You broke my fuckin’ heart.” I gulped. “I’ve been trying to rebuild myself for the past four years. And, despite how much I truly want to, I know that in my current state, I could never make you as happy as Lando could.” Oscar said.

The world collapsed beneath my feet at that moment, a massive weight pressing down onto my shoulders as I wanted to disappear among the ground and let the shame bury me, my regrets becoming too dense for my heart to tolerate.

“I don’t want to, but I have to let you go.”

I took a look at his hand while I held it, the wound on his palm freshly healed, a new scar apparent. His chest rose softly as I touched it, my thumb rubbing it cautiously.

“Say something.” Oscar begged as I remained quiet, captivated by the scar.

I hated how defeated I felt, I hated how stuck I was, I hated how I could feel shivering underneath my touch as my thumb went up to his wrist.

So, I left it there, right where I could feel his pulse, my own increasing as I eventually looked up at him, my emotions as deep as the brown of his eyes.

“I—“ I inhaled sharply. “I love you.” I blurted out. “I love you, Oscar Piastri.” I said breathily through tears, almost relieved to say it. “Shit— I love you so much.”

At first it took him aback, however, despite the stunned expression displayed on his face, I could see something quite intense happening within his gaze.

And then, as I stared at Oscar wondering if I had committed a terrible mistake by telling him, the tension between us one second away from tearing me apart.

Oscar snapped.

In a flash, Oscar’s mouth crashed onto mine, his body driven by an uncontrollable ferocity, his hands capturing my face with urgency, my stomach flipping as my tongue consumed every word he didn’t dare to say aloud.

It wasn’t meant to be soft, neither sweet, it couldn’t be. It was hard and tragic, simply momentous, a final touch to a painful goodbye.

I pulled away breathless, walking backwards and dragging Oscar with me, our noses brushing against one another as our mouths chased each other desperately, seeking more.

“Wait—” I murmured as my back hit the wall, Oscar interrupting me immediately with another heated kiss. “Oscar.” I repeated between short breaths as I turned my head. “Stop.”

He pulled back to take a better look at me, the boy flushed, his swollen lips pressed together. “I know.” He breathed. “I know.” His thumb brushed my cheek.

“Don’t forget about me.” I said, an abominable pain squeezing my chest, shattering my heart.

Oscar smiled faintly, his eyes immersed in mine. “Nobody forgets their first love.”

[yippiastri]

✮⋆˙ hello! the first draft of part two of truth or dare is done 🥹 18k words for now, time to re-read and fix some things, can’t wait.

btw, it’s very intense… 🤭 ✮⋆˙

[yippiastri]

✮⋆˙ Hey cutie! I just wanted to thank you all for the amount of love truth or dare received over the past few days. I’m so happy you guys enjoyed it as much as I did!

It took me so much time to write it. So it’s gonna be the same process for part two. You’re gonna have to wait a bit, I’m sorry hehe.

It’s a bit hard to balance life and writing sometimes. We are already at 5K for the next part. It’s far from done though! But if you guys have any questions related to the story, you can send me a message. I’ll keep you updated as much as I can

love y’all ✮⋆˙

[yippiastri]

okay i just read Get Him Back (🔥🔥🔥) and i forgive you for ending Truth or Dare like that

jsjsjshshsjs ahahahahah i’m glad you enjoyed it. It’s true, I was far more gentle with these characters 🙂‍↕️ they got their happy ending

[yippiastri]

i’m crying real tears over the ending of Truth or Dare. i was no where near prepared for that omg my hearrrtttt

omg i’m so sorry….. okay…. so, let me your hold your hand while i say this….……. part two is gonna be even more painful 🫶🏻

[yippiastri]

OP81 ⟢ TRUTH OR DARE. P1

✮⋆˙ SUMMARY: “And as I dared myself to cross the line, my heart one second away from exploding in my chest, I knew I was condemned to succumb to him perpetually. My best friend, my favorite crime.”

WORD COUNTS: 17k. PAIRING: Oscar Piastri x reader. GENRE: best friends to lovers, ANGST, slowburn, fluff, smut.

AUTHOR NOTE: I can’t express how much this story means to me. I poured my heart into it, literally. There’s two parts to this story, and I’m excited to finally be able to share the first one with you guys. The characters are young, stubborn and annoying at times, I did it on purpose. Some things might not make sense, I did my best. This is meant to be fun, hehe. I hope you guys will enjoy it. ✮⋆˙

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

At nine years old, I was — ultimately, mature enough to understand that we didn’t have a choice back then, we had to move out.

Our situation was complicated, unusual and difficult to handle, I knew that. My dad — who at the time was trying to remain optimistic despite his sorrow, had called it a great opportunity — a brand new company had hired him in a different city, a fresh start.

But, as the inevitable moment approached — the house cold and empty, the car stocked with boxes filled with memories, Dad’s optimism suddenly turned into a tragic realization, a second mourning beginning as we drove away and said goodbye to our old life, to mom.

Dad had promised me a room with green walls and pink curtains, a beautiful garden where peonies would be planted — mom’s favorite flowers, and a new school with many new friends to make.

However, I sincerely hated this school and these children, most of them were mean and devious, as well as the teacher — falsely nice and compassionate, the one who, on my first day, told the whole class that my mother had just died of cancer.

I knew that it was not gonna be easy to be the new kid, especially since I had arrived in the middle of the school year. But I hadn’t expected so much attention, so many questions.

Back then, as a nine-year-old child who barely knew anything about illnesses or death, and who couldn’t even quite understand how or why it had happened to her mother in the first place, this day felt like an actual nightmare.

Sometimes, children can be cruel and intrusive such as Danielle Pierce. She was quick to ask indiscreet questions about my mother’s death — which I didn’t manage to answer, too astonished by her behavior, quick to make a comment about her own parents — both alive and healthy, and to criticize my new dress.

The dress was indeed pretty bad — old-fashioned, slightly large and not my usual style, but it was my dad’s idea, an attempt to fill the void left by mom’s disappearance. Which meant I couldn’t say anything about it, because I didn’t want to hurt him.

I was alone, sitting on a bench on the playground — convinced that this day couldn’t get any better, when another nine-year-old kid, a boy with light hair and scraped knees, approached me.

At that moment — as children’s voices and screams echoed all around us, I was far from knowing that this child — Oscar Piastri, with rabbit teeth and brown eyes was going to become my best friend and tell me something that would change the course of my life, forever.

“Truth or dare.”

That’s how it all started — nine years of friendship, with one question, an idiotic game between two bored kids.

Oscar had dared me to do something completely stupid, to set Danielle Pierce’s hair on fire with his father’s lighter.

Which for some reason didn’t seem too dangerous to us at the time. And in return, I had challenged him to do something stupid — but less problematic, as well, to shout the word bitch in class.

And that’s how we both ended up in the principal’s office on my first day, with my dad and Oscar’s mother — Nicole, both shocked by our behavior.

I remember lowering my eyes as the confrontation started — ashamed and conflicted, unable to face the disappointment in my father’s eyes at that moment.

Of course, I knew that what we had done was wrong and that my father did not need any additional problems, he had enough things to deal with due to our current situation.

But on that day, for the first time in weeks, I had fun and felt like a normal kid again. For a few minutes, I was no longer an unfortunate and miserable child who had lost her mother.

I didn’t need to think about my actions and their consequences, I didn’t need to shut down my emotions to preserve someone else. I didn’t need to think more than I could tolerate it and understand it, at my age.

For a few minutes, I was a regular child misbehaving, having fun and acting dumb, just like the others do.

I remember a sigh escaping from my small chest as I cried silently, the adults talking about us, debating. Oscar grabbed my hand and leaned towards me, then whispered:

“Don’t worry. Everything’s gonna be alright, Y/N.”

At that moment — as silly as it sounds, I could already feel that we were about to become inseparable. And as the months went by that year, each time I looked at him, I hoped that nothing would ever come between us.

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

My father didn’t appreciate Oscar — my troublemaker companion, very much despite his charm and politeness, which was understandable due to the constant chaos surrounding us, I guess.

At fourteen, Oscar dared me to go to class with a dick drawn on my forehead. The school contacted my dad because I had refused to wash it off.

And on the next day, I dared Oscar to wear my bra over his t-shirt before our exam. This dickhead had claimed that the bra would’ve been useless on me anyway.

Asshole.

It was an endless game. By that point, our parents didn’t even know what to do or say anymore.

But from my dad’s perspective, the most concerning thing about Oscar wasn’t the boy’s bad influence on me, it was the fact that he was a boy.

A small detail that for a while did not seem to have much importance, until our adolescence. By then, Oscar had suddenly gone from a friend to a potential threat.

Of course, we’ve had to deal with a few comments from time to time throughout our many years of friendship — which as kids would gross us out, but nothing too serious and never with such insistence as the ones we started to hear after a certain age.

Around my sixteenth birthday, I think.

I remember my father’s constant embarrassing warnings, with his unconvincing authoritarian tone, every time Oscar would come sleep at home — I was not allowed to close my bedroom door anymore, and the disapproving looks whenever Oscar stood too close to me.

At the time, Oscar and I thought it was ridiculous and I found it mostly annoying because we had been friends for years, it was inconceivable for us to see each other in any other way.

That was until Oscar’s seventeenth birthday party though.

Until then, Oscar had always been the little boy I challenged to eat worms when we were children.

However, something changed that night.

I was sitting on the couch in Oscar’s living room, watching our birthday boy playing Beer Pong with some friends when Danielle Pierce — the one and only, sat next to me.

At first, I ignored her.

“Oscar’s really cute, don’t you think?” I glanced at her, eyebrows furrowed. “I mean— Since you two are really close, I thought you would agree with me. Aren’t you guys together or something?”

Due to Danielle’s lack of subtlety, I knew that this insinuation disguised as a question was just a pretext in order to get some answers.

“We are friends.” I answered. “He’s not dating anyone.”

She nodded with a smile. “Oh, that’s good to know.” She sounded relieved, almost excited as we both glanced at the boy. “Well— Be a sweetheart and tell him that I have a special birthday present for him. I’ll wait upstairs.”

I blinked. “What’s that supposed to even mean, Danielle?”

Truth is — even though I would have preferred not to, I knew exactly what Danielle meant, of course I did. And for an unknown reason, it irritated me.

I watched her as she stood up to adjust her skirt and headed towards the stairs with confidence. A bit unsettled by Danielle’s sudden interest in Oscar, I sighed and looked back at him, the boy walking towards the couch as he noticed my discomfort.

“Hey, what did she want?” He asked, sitting next to me.

“Well—” I chuckled nervously. “You.” He frowned. “Our queen wanted me to let you know that she’ll be waiting upstairs with a very special birthday present for you.” I explained with an undissimulated disgust.

I waited and anticipated a reaction close to mine, but my stomach knotted as Oscar’s face lit up with a smile. I stared at him in dismay, my best friend chuckling.

“Wait— Are you serious?”

“You think it’s funny—” I shook my head. “What are you on— What are you even smilin’ about, Oscar? She’s the worst, you shouldn’t be pleased.”

“You’re right, she’s mean.” He nodded. “But, come on—” He winked and nudged me. “She’s really hot and I’m a virgin.”

Oscar Piastri was indeed a boy, a dumb on.

“Girls like Danielle don’t usually pay attention to dorks like me.” I sighed, frustrated at the boy’s lack of seriousness. “It shouldn’t bother you so much.” He smirked. “Is someone jealous or something—”

We had never been in this situation until then. And for some reason the question and Oscar’s insolent tone really irritated me, it triggered me.

I felt attacked and became defensive, right away.

“I’m not— Fuck off, Piastri!” I shouted at him, arms crossed. “I just don’t think she’s the right person for you. It’s not a good idea, that’s all. I’m trying to be a good friend.”

My face was hot as Oscar stared at me, I remember. I was agitated and astounded by my own emotions. And I knew that my explanation sounded unconvincing because it didn’t even convince me, at all.

Oscar was right, I was jealous and it felt inappropriate.

“You’re a really good friend, Y/N.” I hummed. “Actually—” Quickly, he kissed me on the cheek. “You’re the best.”

I whined and wiped it. Oscar stood up from the couch, a strange feeling oppressing my chest as I watched him head for the stairs in a hurry.

I thought about Danielle’s question, again.

“Oscar’s really cute, don’t you think?”

I scratched my elbow with furrowed brows, uncomfortable.

All I could think about as Oscar walked away from me, was the surprising sadness overwhelming me and how much — for some reason, I wished he had stayed here.

It was only the beginning.

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

After this groundbreaking blowjob — Oscar’s exact words, the boy has never been the same and I never managed to perceive him as just a friend again.

From there, the slightest look, comment, gesture or the slightest touch triggered an unprecedented sensation in me, which could sometimes be very difficult to manage.

But as soon as the senior year started, Oscar and I began to spend less time together.

My father was delighted.

Sometimes due to my embarrassing inability to stay calm in Oscar’s presence, sometimes due to Oscar’s new found passion for sports, parties and women.

One Saturday, Oscar was supposed to come to our house to watch a movie with me. We hadn’t seen each other outside of school in weeks. I was really excited to see him — way too much, I had barely slept the night before.

Yeah.

However, I canceled at the last minute — for the dumbest reason, claiming to be ill.

Truth is, I had been circling around my room for an hour, trying to find something nice to wear, an outfit more feminine than my usual ones, to impress him. I wanted Oscar to see me differently, to notice that he wasn’t the only one who had grown up this year.

But I failed.

My dissatisfaction started to grow more and more as I tried different outfits. My tops were suddenly too tight for me, too itchy and the room’s atmosphere was heavy, making it hard to breathe.

So in the heat of the moment, completely submerged by anxiety, I canceled. And I’ve spent years regretting this decision.

Oscar called me the next day, to check on me and chat.

“Okay, I thought I could wait until tomorrow to say it, but I can’t. You’ll never guess where I was last night.” He teased as the conversation took an interesting turn.

We both waited, then I answered. “Come on, just say it.” I closed the bedroom door behind me as I walked in, my phone pressed against my ear.

“Well, since you decided to abandon me last night—” I rolled my eyes. “I needed to find something else to do. And thankfully, Danielle Pierce texted me.”

My heart stopped. “Oh.” I murmured as I decided to sit down, feeling quite unsteady. I swallowed hard while looking at the window, my thoughts racing and my inner voice murmuring: “Please, no.”

“The virgin boy—” He paused. “Is no longer!” Oscar blurted out with excitement. “Shit, dude— Thank you, thank you, thank you. I owe you!” He chuckled. “I mean— If you hadn’t cancelled, it probably would’ve never happened.”

Great, I thought.

“She invited me over, because her parents were out of town for the weekend. I can’t believe it, she’s so cool—”

Oscar’s next words never reached me. I couldn’t hear him anymore at this point as an unexpected ache emerged in my chest.

To this day, I can still remember the humiliation and the internal rage I felt.

First of all, I needed to digest the fact that it all happened because I had decided to cancel. But it hurt even more to have to accept the fact that I shouldn’t have bothered to cancel, let alone driven myself crazy for hours as I had done.

He wouldn’t have even cared about my clothes, about my hair, about me.

I had freaked out over nothing.

Apparently to Oscar, I was nothing more than Y/N, the childhood friend. And the realization hurt more than it should’ve had.

I had been controlled by my hormones and emotions, I had been sabotaged by mother nature.

Or at least, that’s what I told myself in order to tolerate it all.

I blamed it all on my wild imagination and my stubborn curiosity, I had decided to paint them all as the ones responsible for this disaster.

I desperately needed an excuse, an escape and mostly something to hate — to accuse, something that wasn’t me personally.

Or else, I would’ve caused a scene.

At that age, or more specifically, as a drama queen, this situation seemed to be the worst thing that could ever happen to me, the equivalent of the end of the world.

If only I had known.

This moment made me realize that I was no longer a kid.

I was an emotional and dramatic teenager discovering the laws of attraction for the first time as she started to like the one person she shouldn’t have.

Oscar kept talking about it, unbothered by my quietness. “I— I don’t feel good.” I managed to tell him. “I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”

I didn’t let him respond, I hung up fast.

Fuming, I kicked something impulsively and threw the phone away. I wasn’t mad at him, he hadn’t done anything wrong. I was annoyed at myself, because it shouldn’t have affected me so much.

If someone loses their virginity — to Danielle Pierce out of all people, they might wanna talk about it with their friends, it wasn’t an unusual situation.

And after all, that’s what Oscar and I were, friends.

Best friends.

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

A few weeks later I met a boy, or more exactly, we noticed each other for the first time in three years of high school, Lando Norris.

In the beginning, I wasn’t sure about his intentions.

We would smile at each other in the hallways, we’d look at each other from across the cafeteria at lunch. For some time everything was happening at a distance.

And then, one day, as I walked out of class, Lando was waiting for me by the lockers — with a nervous smile on his face, to ask me on a date.

I think it was the first time that a guy had shown so much interest in me or at least, so openly.

Back then, it felt flattering and almost empowering to be desired, to be seen as someone attractive, someone to date, for once.

Plus, I liked spending time with Lando. He was really funny and sweet, it was easy to be with him, without any constraints.

And it was going well at first, until something — rather someone, started to get in our way at the slightest opportunity.

But, surprisingly it wasn’t my father — still, he didn’t like Lando very much either, it was Oscar.

It all started at Danielle’s eighteenth birthday party.

These damn birthdays.

Obviously, despite our common proximity with Oscar, she hadn’t invited me. But since she and Lando — unfortunately, were friends, he asked me to come with him.

The minute Lando and I arrived — hand in hand, my gaze met Oscar’s as he stood on the other side of the room with Danielle’s friends.

“I’m gonna get us something to drink.” Lando said before kissing my cheek. “I’ll be right back.”

Oscar walked towards me as soon as Lando stepped away. “So— Lando Norris, huh?” He asked, without even bothering to greet me first. “And, you didn’t even tell me.”

“It’s nice to see you too, Oscar.” I replied, bitter. “Well— Maybe if you weren’t too busy having sex with Danielle, you would’ve answered my texts and calls this week.” He sighed. “We might've had the opportunity to talk about it.”

“It has nothing to do with Danielle.” He said. “Yes, we’ve been seeing each other a lot recently, but—” He sighed, once again. “I’ve been really busy with exams, admissions and stuff.” I nodded, unfazed. “But, come on, Y/N. You— You’ve never shown any interest in boys before and now you’re with Lando Norris, I don’t understand how—”

“Huh—” I huffed, annoyed. ”I don’t understand what's so difficult to understand. Is it so hard to believe that any guy could want me or something?”

Oscar opened his mouth to object but I was already too far gone due to my annoyance to let him respond to me.

“So, what—” I shrugged, arms crossed. “You can have sex with someone but when I kiss someone it’s unbelievable—”

“Wait.” He frowned. “You kissed him, but—” He chuckled lightly — clearly unamused, eyes narrowed as he shook his head. “You’ve met him, like—” He shrugged. “Five minutes ago.”

“You didn’t even wait five minutes to join Danielle upstairs at your birthday party.” I scoffed. “Whore.” Oscar rolled his eyes. “We— We shouldn’t even have this conversation. It’s none of your business. I’m not a child anymore and I can do whatever I want, Oscar.”

“I know, I know.” He answered rapidly as the conversation started to turn more and more into an argument. “It’s just— I don’t know, I’m just trying to protect you, trying to be a good friend, Y/N.”

I had heard that one before.

I didn’t quite understand Oscar’s reaction at the time but as much as it confused me when it happened, I won’t deny the fact that it did feel a bit good to see him so reactive.

I tried really hard not to think about it too much during the party. I didn’t want to waste any more time searching for signs in the wrong places.

So, I did not notice the panic in my best friend’s eyes once I told him I had kissed Lando — of course I did, nor the moment the boy’s smirked faded away as I walked away with my date.

I knew I shouldn’t have paid attention, or questioned it because it didn’t mean anything, we were just friends.

But still, I really wanted to know how Oscar felt, watching Lando and I from across the room as we chatted, laughed and danced together.

I wondered what it did to him to see me doing all the things I would’ve usually done with him, with someone else instead.

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

Oscar and I’s first serious argument happened shortly after. I will always remember that night, always.

From someone else’s perspective — especially Lando’s, it might have seemed disproportionate and suspicious. When Oscar and I stormed out the brown-haired boy’s house together, I knew I was fucked.

I’d have to have a conversation with Lando — an awful one, on the next day. I’d have to come up with some sort of explanation, something rational to tell him.

Otherwise, I was definitely going to lose my boyfriend.

However — as horrible as it sounds, I couldn’t care less about that when Oscar and I were walking down the streets together in silence, our argument still fresh in our minds.

It was already pretty late — probably around two in the morning, when we left Lando’s house. The neighborhood was quiet and peaceful, unlike my thoughts.

I had been ruminating for at least twenty minutes.

I knew it wasn’t a good idea. We were all drunk and tired. It all started in the same way it usually did with Oscar and I, with “truth or dare.”

But this time it wasn’t fun at all.

It awakened something unpredictable in us and turned our lives upside down, forever.

Maybe without the alcohol, Oscar wouldn’t have freaked out the moment Danielle asked Lando about our intimate life.

Sober, maybe Lando wouldn’t have called Oscar a dick and questioned his reaction.

If we hadn’t been drunk, maybe Oscar wouldn’t have called Lando an asshole as the brown-haired boy dared him to kiss me.

And perhaps, if I had stopped drinking earlier, I wouldn’t have started to cry as soon as Oscar refused to do it.

Yeah, Lando wasn’t the only one I needed to talk to.

But at that point, I was far too embarrassed and angry at myself — and a little bit at Oscar, to have a decent conversation. I would have regretted it immediately the next day, I knew that.

I had done enough already and didn’t need to embarrass myself even more.

“I’m pretty sure Lando thinks there’s something going on between us, Y/N.” Oscar said in the dead of the night. “That’s why he dared me to kiss you, to see our reaction.”

Lando had nothing against Oscar when we started to date.

In fact, I think he appreciated him. But, something switched the moment Oscar’s strange behavior caught my boyfriend’s attention.

Don’t get me wrong, Oscar’s always been nice to me. But it’s true, the moment I started to date Lando, something changed.

Oscar would come to my house uninvited — something he would’ve never done before, he usually called first, and ninety percent of the time Lando was already there.

One day, Oscar caught Lando and I making out on the couch — I was only wearing a bra & jeans, and my boyfriend freaked out.

He found reasons to touch me more often, leaning on me as we watched movies, touching my back as he walked by.

He would stare at me intensely from across the room whenever I’d be smiling at my phone and looked away once he got caught, pretending it never happened.

One time, I cut myself at school. And as soon as I whined in pain, they both rushed to my rescue, arguing over which one should take me to the infirmary.

Well, we ended up going all together as I couldn’t bear their immature bickering any longer and didn’t want to give any of them the satisfaction of being the chosen one.

It was one of the most awkward moments of my life.

“Talk to me, Y.N.” Oscar pleaded. “I— I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“You— You didn’t have to say it like that. You didn’t have to seem so disgusted by it. I didn’t know that the idea of kissing me could be so repulsive—”

“It’s not.” Oscar said. “It’s just— I didn’t want to do it, not like this, not with them in the room—”

“Don’t touch me!” I said as I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around, my best friend’s silhouette barely visible in the dark. “Just— Just shut up, Oscar.”

I didn’t talk to him for the rest of the walk until we reached my house. I glanced at the alley, then over at him with uncertainty as I didn’t know what I was supposed to say.

“This is awkward, but—” Oscar said, scratching his head. “I lied to my mom and told her I was sleeping at your house tonight.” I sighed. “I was supposed to stay at Danielle’s, but since we—”

“I can’t believe it.” I murmured to myself. “You’re insufferable, Piastri. You’re lucky, my father’s out of town.”

By the time I was starting to get undressed in the bedroom — while Oscar was in the bathroom, I had sobered up a bit.

My thoughts remained messy though.

I couldn’t stop thinking about Lando’s face — confused and worried, when I took my jacket and walked to the door with Oscar following me while asking me to wait over and over again.

Danielle’s high-pitched tone in the distance as she screamed the boy’s name once we both stepped outside mid argument.

I couldn’t believe we had acted like this in front of them.

The room was immersed in darkness, the moon vaguely visible behind the pink curtains. I turned around, sensing someone’s presence behind my back and noticed Oscar by the door, staring at me.

The atmosphere was heavy as the tension between us was. Still tough — thick and hot, an electric energy you could feel in the air right before a storm.

He approached carefully. “Should I—” He cleared his throat. “Should I sleep downstairs on the couch or—”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” I responded abruptly. “I’ll sleep in my dad’s room. Take my bed.”

He nodded, arms crossed. “Okay.”

My pulse spiked. I could feel him watching me attentively while I moved around the room, quietly passing by him as I headed towards the hallway.

But then, I felt him grabbing my wrist to turn me around in order to face him.

I hesitated, blinking. “What’s wrong—” Oscar interrupted me in the most unexpected — unimaginable, way possible as he leaned in and kissed me for the first time.

It only lasted one second though as I pushed him away from me in panic, chest rising. It took me a moment to understand what had just happened.

“What the fuck?” I asked him. “You can’t just—” I moved my hands around, agitated. “You can’t do that, Oscar.”

“I know.” He murmured in the darkness, leaning against the wall as he took a step back. “I’m sorry.”

Quietly, we stared at each other, our eyes clearly tempted by each other’s mouths. I won’t lie, I enjoyed it. No matter how quick, unexpected and morally wrong it was.

“Say something.” Oscar said. “Or I’ll do it again.”

No words came out of me. I couldn’t find the strength to resist him or lie to him. No excuses, not even the existence of my own boyfriend — which I wasn’t even thinking about at this moment, nothing rational could reach my thoughts as I looked at Oscar.

I felt nothing besides an urge to kiss him again.

It was confusing though. Oscar had never shown any direct interest in me until tonight. He had even rejected me — and broke my heart at the same time, a few hours earlier, on the same day.

None of this made sense to me. But, I wasn’t gonna miss this opportunity, not after all these years.

“Oscar.” I pronounced the boy’s name more gently this time with a frightening vulnerability, as it wasn’t a warning anymore.

It was an invitation to do something forbidden.

He understood right away. In a heartbeat, Oscar threw himself at me with such haste, it made my knees buckle.

We chuckled quietly at the same time as our noses bumped into each other, our lips connecting once again. I sighed against him — more aroused than I had ever been before, my hands moving to Oscar’s chest, then his to his neck.

His own hands settled on my waist, his fingers almost bruising my skin as they disappeared among my clothes, the touch firm, possessive.

Both breathless, we pulled away from each other’s mouths slowly, still touching, our bodies still unbearably close to one another.

“See—” Oscar said. “This is the reason why I didn’t want to kiss you earlier tonight. Because, I wanted it to happen naturally, like this. I didn’t want it to be a fuckin’ dare with them in the same room to witness it.”

He stepped back, an indescribable emptiness filling me as I felt Oscar’s hands leave my waist.

“I’ll sleep downstairs, on the couch.” He continued. “Sleep in your own bed.”

We had crossed the line. I should’ve let him leave, I should’ve stopped there. But instead, I grabbed him the moment he turned around.

“Stay.”

I remember pronouncing it with desperation as it carried an undeniable need for him. And, that’s all it took to convince him.

The third kiss was even more passionate than the second. We took our time, no matter how much we clearly both wanted to furiously devour each other. Our tongues danced together — slowly at first, the rhythm intensifying uncontrollably as we let ourselves sink deep into a common devotion.

Oscar’s mouth left mine, seeking air. “Shit.” He whispered against my neck. “I can’t think.” I chuckled as a response, my hands tugging at my best friend’s t-shirt. “Take it off.”

I did it.

I let him touch me under mine, intoxicated by his smell, his warmth. I moaned, my head falling back in bliss as I closed my eyes and focused on each kiss Oscar pressed against my neck.

We fell on the mattress together, our mouths still connected, inseparable.

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

The next day, we didn’t talk about it.

In fact, we didn’t even talk at all. But we acted normally, sort of. I made breakfast around eleven, Oscar sitting at the counter and watching me quietly as I cooked.

My dad came home a few minutes later, walking in the kitchen right as we were about to start to eat.

Everything seemed fine between us, from the outside.

I had been pretending to be okay for the past thirty minutes as I watched Oscar and my dad talk casually. All I could think about while they were chatting about honey’s benefits was the events from the previous night.

Dad asked Oscar about the party, he answered calmly, unfazed.

I ate in silence as I started to relive every single moment. I caught myself staring at Oscar’s mouth, then looked down as I felt my cheeks burn. I could sense it again, this intense heat down my stomach.

I couldn’t believe how easily this guy right here, sitting in front of me — my childhood friend, could be talking with my dad about the most absurd things even though he had heard me moan a few hours back.

I had never been in such an uncomfortable situation. How was I supposed to behave normally? My body might have been at the table with them, but my mind wasn’t.

Oscar hadn’t looked at me once throughout their entire conversation.

It was starting to stress me out.

I was starting to worry about our friendship as I noticed how detached Oscar seemed to be. I needed something from him, a look, a word, anything to remind me that we were in this together.

Maybe — the possibility terrified me, Oscar regretted it.

“Y/N?” My dad called out with an uncertain tone, concerned by my lack of contribution in the conversation. “Is everything alright?”

“I’m tired.” I responded quietly. “Didn’t sleep much last night.” Oscar choked on his food, my best friend coughing as my father glanced at him. “That’s all.”

I wanted to talk about what had happened. I wanted to confront Oscar, right now. But, I couldn’t tell him anything at the moment, it was torturing me.

I wished I could’ve said: “Listen, buddy. I’m still in shock after you moaned my name last night when I pressed my body against yours. I wanna know how you feel about it too, and about us.”

With my father seated at the table, it was impossible. I didn’t even want to admit out loud that after all these years, people — including him, had been right about Oscar and I.

“How’s Lando?” Dad asked.

My fork fell off my hand, a shrill sound echoing in the room as it landed against my plate. I knew it was supposed to be an innocent question — how could’ve he known, however it provoked an actual earthquake in my body.

Oscar and I glanced at each other.

Truth is, I hadn’t even thought about Lando yet.

Because I was way too busy worrying about my relationship with Oscar. I hadn’t even thought about my own boyfriend.

I felt sick.

“I think it’s time for me to leave.” Oscar said, standing up. “Thank you for the food and—” He stopped himself. “I’ll see you later.”

He didn’t even look at me.

And I didn’t know how to react at the time, I just watched him leave, defeated. I remember the fear, the abandonment I felt as my inner voice was repeating the same words over and over again: “Please, please, please, don’t hate me.”

“Are you sure there’s nothing you’d like to tell me about?” My dad asked, eyebrows furrowed and sighing. The awkwardness of the situation was undeniable, I guess. “Did something happen—”

“Everything’s fine.” I lied, trying to reassure him. “Really.”

I felt myself disappearing among the guilt, thinking about Lando. I didn’t know what I was going to tell him, what I was supposed to do.

I wasn’t the only one concerned by this situation.

I wish Oscar and I could’ve talked about this but instead, as soon as Lando was mentioned, this idiot ran away and let me deal with our mess on my own.

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

No texts or calls, nothing. We hadn’t talked or seen each other — due to the holidays, in three days.

We had scheduled a studying session together at my house on Wednesday though. We thought it’d be fun, it was something we used to do a lot back in middle school.

And since we weren’t talking, we hadn’t bothered to cancel. So, due to the circumstances, I was genuinely shocked to see Oscar at my front door on Wednesday.

I hadn’t expected him to show up. I wasn’t expecting anything from him anymore at this point.

It was extremely awkward at first, we both didn’t know how to act around each other anymore.

I made some tea and a hot chocolate for him, we exchanged banalities in the most bland conversation we’ve ever had and sat at the kitchen table.

Oscar decided to sit next to me. Unbelievable, I thought. He didn’t seem to want to avoid me anymore. I did feel a bit uncomfortable by proximity though, it made me nervous.

I tried to remain focused on my homework but it was nearly impossible with him sitting there, so close to me. I didn’t know someone’s scent could be so distracting.

To be with him was as painful as it was comforting.

I flinched as our arms touched. “Shit— Sorry.” I murmured weakly.

Our eyes met and I felt it, the desire.

It was still there, still dangerously tempting. I swallowed hard as I noticed Oscar’s eyes lingering on my mouth. I wanted to touch this idiot and to feel his hands on me as much as I wanted to insult him.

“Do not look at me like that.” I warned quietly.

He smirked, cocky. “Or what?”

We both glanced down at my phone — which was next to our cups, as a notification appeared on the screen. It was a text message from Lando.

The mood switched instantly.

“So—” Oscar started, looking away. “Have you guys talked about what happened at the party?”

I froze.

I didn’t expect him to start this conversation. I thought we weren’t ever going to talk about it, at this point. I knew he had chosen his words wisely though — not mentioning the most important, I knew it was Oscar’s way to test the water.

“Sort of.” I responded, evasive.

Lando and I barely talked about it. He came to see me at home the next day a few hours after Oscar left, and I was a mess.

I remember pronouncing: “Sorry.” An enormous amount of times. Lando was genuinely confused, he couldn’t understand what I was truly apologizing for.

I told him I had too much to drink and needed some air. But then, I had decided to leave and Oscar walked me home.

That was it.

After that, I tried to act as normal as possible with him but it hadn’t been easy because each touch or kiss made me think about someone else.

I felt guilty — almost sick, every time Lando looked at me with tenderness or said something sweet to me.

I didn’t deserve him.

For now, Lando didn’t seem too preoccupied or bothered by my sudden distance or my strange reactions. But, I knew it was a matter of time until he’d start to notice it.

“Danielle is mad at me.” Oscar said.

I couldn’t care less about him and his situationship.

“And I guess you're mad at me as well.” I looked at him. “We haven’t talked in days. But yesterday, I saw Lando at the grocery store and he didn’t try to run me over. Which meant, you hadn’t told him, yet. I was—”

“Lando’s not an aggressive person, Oscar.” I stopped him. “And, no. I still haven’t told him. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to tell him. ” I huffed hard. “God— You’re such an ass.” He raised his hands, astounded. “Have you talked to Danielle about it?”

“We’re not dating.” I rolled my eyes. “So, I don’t owe anyone anything. Also, I’d never say anything that could potentially hurt you. We both know she’d tell him right away. I don’t want to cause you any trouble.”

I snorted. “It’s a bit too late for that, don’t you think? Besides—” I leaned in. “You’re the one who left me and went radio silent for three days. So, I think it’s ridiculous to tell me you don’t want to hurt my feelings or whatever.”

“Wait, what—” Oscar frowned as his jaw dropped. “You didn’t text me either. And, what the fuck was I supposed to do, Y/N? Your dad was there, I couldn’t tell him to shut up and turn to you to talk about what happened between us.”

“Are you dumb or something, Piastri?” I asked in disbelief. “You could’ve texted me, called me, anything!” I shouted at him. “You abandoned me, I was scared and confused. I thought you didn’t want to talk to me anymore and hated me—”

I exhaled and looked away as I started to cry. “I could never hate you.” Oscar said, concerned. “Hey— Look at me.”

“Don’t touch me.” I warned him as soon as I felt the boy’s hand on my forearm. “I didn’t know what I was supposed to say or do. I needed my best friend.”

“I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. It felt too much and too real, I freaked out. I needed some time to think.”

He sounded sincere, which increased my annoyance as I didn’t have a reason to be mad at him anymore. I wanted someone else to blame, it would’ve made things easier.

Unfortunately, I was just as responsible as him for this mess.

Oscar sensed my distress as I remained silent. “We kissed.” He said. “It’s not that bad, it could’ve been worse.” I shot him an annoyed look. “Okay, okay. It was more than that, we did touch each other a little—”

“I was there, you don’t need to remind me.” I said abruptly with embarrassment as I thought about it again.

The bump in Oscar’s underwear. My fingers tracing the length over the fabric as he groaned against my ear, the way he rolled his hips, desperate.

“I know what dryhumping is.” I added.

“Yeah, I know.” I looked at him with a disapproving look as soon as I noticed the smug smile on his face. “Sorry.”

“It’s not funny, Oscar.” I told him, arms crossed. “I feel like shit all the time, ever since it happened. I can’t even look at my boyfriend anymore.”

“I see.” Oscar stated as we remained quiet for a time. My heart clenched as I saw the disappointment on the boy’s face. “You regret it.”

I couldn’t blame him entirely for it, it was our fault. He did try to leave the room though. But to be honest, it didn’t take much effort to convince him to stay. It all happened because we both wanted it.

I could’ve stopped him as we fell onto the mattress. I could’ve changed my mind the moment we started to touch each other inappropriately. I should’ve stopped him as soon as I felt him biting my shoulder.

But I didn’t.

Because, it was obvious that I didn’t want him to leave me. I didn’t even think about stopping, at any point. I wanted this moment to last forever. Because as much as I tried to erase them I couldn’t.

I had feelings for him.

It was obvious, I knew exactly why I had done it.

However, I knew nothing about Oscar’s intentions or feelings. I wanted to know why he stayed and why he didn’t put an end to it. I seeked clarification, answers. I needed something to rely on, something to make this mess worth it somehow.

So — no matter how fucked it was to admit, the answer was, no. I knew I should’ve regretted it, but that was not the case.

I just listened to my heart.

But the confusion it created was something that we needed to deal with as fast as possible, my situation with Lando as well.

“So, tell me—” I started. “I need to understand.” He nodded. “At first, you rejected me and then, you’re the one who kisses me out of nowhere even though you’re very much aware that I’m dating someone.”

“You’re right, I did.” He responded, confident.

“You could’ve stopped, you should’ve stopped. So, tell me the truth, Oscar.” I said, my heart racing as I did my best to remain calm. I hated how too serious it all sounded. “I need to know why you didn’t.”

He blinked. “I—” He stopped himself as we stared at each other deeply. Something switched behind the boy’s eyes, it made him look away. “I don’t know.”

I sighed as I fell back against the chair, disappointed. “You don’t know.” I repeated in the exact same bland tone Oscar had used. “You don’t know.” I said once more, this time more quietly with an ache in my chest.

He looked back at me. “Look, I—” He shrugged. “I don’t regret it, but—”

I thanked the universe as someone rang the bell, interrupting our conversation. I couldn’t bear to hear it, I had enough. I needed to step away from him as fast as I could.

I stood up and headed to the door, completely ignoring Oscar as he tried to hold me back, asking me to wait.

I did not expect to see my boyfriend — who urged to kiss me, as I opened the door. He walked in and I stood here stoic, unable to match the brunette’s excitement.

I couldn’t overcome my sorrow after this conversation.

“You don’t seem happy to see me.” Lando noted as I remained quiet. “I texted you thirty minutes ago, I don’t think you saw it. I remembered that your father was workin’ late tonight, I thought we could spend time together.”

“Oh.” I replied. “No, I did not. I was studying with—”

We both turned around as I heard Oscar’s voice, the boy greeting Lando down the hallway. “Hey, man.” The brown-haired boy said as Oscar approached us, ready to head out.

They looked at each other weirdly. Lando leaned against the wall with his hands in his pockets, waiting.

“He was about to leave, as you can see.” I said as I looked at Lando. “Wait for me in the living room, I’ll be quick.”

I shot my best friend an annoyed look as I caught him rolling his eyes as Lando kissed me on the cheek.

“You’re insufferable.” I murmured to him discreetly, my boyfriend disappearing in the distance.

“He doesn’t like me very much.” I was too moody to bother reassuring him, ignoring him on purpose. “And, you don’t seem to like me very much either right now.” He sighed. “I don’t regret it, Y/N.”

My eyes snapped at him as I hurried to tell him to shut up. “What’s wrong with you?” I asked quietly. “He’s in the room down the hallway.”

“Relax, he’s not a bat.” Oscar joked, voice as quiet as mine. I shook my head, irritated. He tried to touch my arm, again. “Come on.” Oscar huffed as I shoved him. “Don’t be like that.”

“You’re the worst.” I answered through my teeth, jaw clenched. “You don’t get to tell me how to react.” I whispered, staring straight at him. “You can’t tell me that you don’t regret it. Not after telling me you don’t even fuckin’ know why it happened in the first place.”

The hallway suddenly felt too tight for us as we stood too close to each other.

The silence was as loud as the tension between us was, anyone could have sensed the storm we were both attempting to keep within ourselves

“You’re such a pain in the ass.” Oscar blurted out.

“I learned from the best.” I replied in a second, Oscar’s mouth curling into a smirk as I crossed my arms, determined. “Anyway, something’s waiting for me.”

He opened the door. “Shit— You could at least try to seem excited about it.” I shoved him outside as I groaned, Oscar chuckling like an idiot. “I’m just sayin—”

“You don’t take anything seriously.” I said. “Everything’s always a joke to you.” I was about to shut the door, when Oscar stopped me. “What now—”

“It wasn’t a joke.”

He stared at me with an irritated expression on his face, his reaction catching me by surprise. I didn’t expect my words to affect him so much, in such a hard way.

“The other night wasn't a joke.” He repeated.

I sighed, leaning against the doorframe as I held the handle. “Whatever, Oscar.” I responded, my heart still aching. “Let’s pretend it didn’t happen.”

Right as Oscar was about to say something, Lando called out my name. I looked away and turned around as I closed the door on him, guilt washing over me once I started to walk to the living room.

I had cheated on my boyfriend, which was already making me feel terrible. And now as I sat down next to him, I also needed to digest the fact that what had happened between Oscar and I didn’t mean anything.

I felt pathetic.

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

Naively, I thought that things couldn’t get any worse but as the weeks went by, the tension between Lando and Oscar became permanent.

It was almost unbearable to be in the same room as them some days.

Oscar’s always been annoying — in a playful way, but this was different. And at first, it mostly came from Lando’s side: comments, critics, mean words hidden behind supposed jokes.

And then Oscar, who had tried his best to ignore him, followed pretty quickly as he couldn’t handle it anymore.

Sometimes, it was hard to remember that both Lando and Oscar weren’t middle school boys but indeed eighteen year old boys graduating from high school in four months.

Lando, who turned out to be way more jealous than I thought, made sure Oscar — who would roll his eyes every time, could see us anytime he’d kiss me or touch me.

Oscar couldn’t resist the temptation to tease him in return, no matter how much he knew it annoyed me.

He would insist on driving me home after school, would talk about our shared memories, would tease me whenever Lando was close enough to see it.

It was a competition and it was ridiculous, really.

Oscar and I were still friends, not as close as we used to but we were okay, sort of.

We didn’t mention anything about what happened between us ever again after our conversation at my house. We tried to be alone in the same room as rarely as we could. We were both pretending it didn’t happen and I was pretending to have never caught feelings for him.

This situation was a real time bomb.

Lando’s behavior irritated me at times. However, each time I’d find myself judging him, I’d start to reminisce on my own actions and I would simply let it go.

Oscar’s behavior, on the other hand, tended to have a different effect on me. I tried my best not to read into it. He probably just wanted to mess with Lando’s nerves because he didn’t like him, it had nothing to do with me particularly.

“Nice hickey.” Oscar pointed out as he walked in the kitchen. “You know— Pissin’ on you would be just as subtle as this.”

“Shit—” I jumped. “You scared me.” I said, turning around to face him. I leaned against the sink with my arms crossed, my hands still wet from washing the dishes. “You know, it’s common in relationships, it’s not necessarily about territory. Lando’s not like that—”

“Bullshit.” He said. “He’s doing this only to prove something to me, to piss me off and deep down you know it.”

I frowned. “Well in this case, judging by your reaction it seems like it’s working.” I shrugged. “You shouldn’t even care, it’s none—”

Oscar interrupted me by coming up to me unexpectedly, my hands automatically landing on his stomach as I gently — but firmly, pushed him back to keep a distance.

His eyes were darker than usual, a tormented spirit hidden behind them, challenging him to do something risky.

“Don’t.” I warned him.

The others — Lando and some friends from school, were chatting in the next room, their voices and laughter echoing in the distance as we stared at each other.

“Don’t.” I repeated once more as I looked at him, my gaze — which kept lingering on his mouth, not as cold as I tried to seem.

We had managed to behave well for weeks, I couldn’t figure out why suddenly Oscar had decided to do something potentially problematic.

Until I smelled the alcohol in his breath.

“You’re drunk.” I noticed aloud.

“I hate it.” Delicately, Oscar touched the bruise on my throat — the contact sending shivers down my spine, then sighed. “I fuckin’ hate how this idiot thinks this is fair. You're not an object.”

“And, yet—” My pulse spiked as I felt Oscar’s thumb moving along my throat. His fingers settled around my neck as I looked up at him, the boy’s thumb moving forward to my jaw. “You’re always responding to his provocations, constantly messing with him. Does that mean I’m an object to you as well, Oscar?”

He shook his head. “You’re my best friend.” Oscar responded while still touching me, his thumb moving up to my cheekbone as he held my face. We hadn’t been this close to each other since that night. “I tried, but I can’t stop thinking about it.”

I blinked, my eyes bright. My heart was beating insanely fast underneath my ribs, it almost hurt. Oscar’s attitude shocked me, it was as attractive as revolting.

I knew I shouldn’t have let him touch me the way he did. I had someone in my life, someone I had already betrayed once because of Oscar.

But as always, I’ve let him do it. I’ve let him consume me some more, the desire to be close to him stronger than the guilt could ever be.

“About what?” I asked.

Oscar’s lips parted, my features tight with worry as I flinched and pushed away the boy’s hand, hearing someone coming our way, footsteps approaching.

“Am I interrupting something?” Lando asked us with an irritated tone, standing behind Oscar.

I shook my head as I tried to remain calm, scratching my elbow. “No.” Oscar responded with a sigh, still looking at me as he took a step back. “We were just talking.”

Lando approached, shoving Oscar — on purpose, on his way. The brown-haired boy leaned against the sink right next to me with an arm wrapped around my shoulders in a possessive way.

I hated it.

“I have some great news.” Lando said to me. “My parents are going away for the weekend, they’re leaving tomorrow in the morning. I thought, you know—” He winked. “You could come over and spend the night at my house.”

I understood the implication right away and so did Oscar, my face turning red as I glanced at my best friend — who seemed as preoccupied as me, with embarrassment.

I looked at my Lando in dismay. “What the fuck?” I asked. “Oscar, wait—” Lando and I watched as Oscar — without saying a single word, left the kitchen. “Seriously, Lando.“ I shifted, uncomfortable as I noticed my boyfriend’s satisfied smirk. “Did you really need to talk about this in front of him?”

“I don’t see anything wrong with that.” Lando answered, eyes narrowed. “He’s your friend, not your brother.”

He was right.

“Yes, but—” Lando shrugged, unbothered. “Still, I don’t want anyone to know.” I explained. “It should stay between us, it’s private. You must have made him feel uncomfortable, I don’t know.”

“What was that all about, huh?” Lando asked. “You guys seemed pretty close when I walked in.” I took a deep breath. “Is there something you’d like to tell me, Y/N?”

He definitely could feel it. No matter how hard we had tried to remain distant recently, Lando was still suspicious.

Perhaps, I should’ve seen it as an opportunity to tell him the truth about what happened but instead I panicked.

“No, what— Of course not.” I laughed nervously. “Don’t be silly. We were just talking, that’s it.”

I could tell he wasn’t convinced in the slightest, blue eyes still narrowed, examining my features carefully and searching for any signs of weakness, arms crossed over his chest.

I didn’t want to hurt him, or to cause any more chaos.

“Shit— Lando.” I said, breath short. “I—” He was still looking at me attentively, which increased my anxiousness.

I gasped quietly as he pulled me closer to him effortlessly, leaning forward to kiss me. I kissed him back as a distraction — I hoped it could erase the boy’s doubts and maybe even mine, my hands settling on his shoulders, slowly moving down to his biceps as the kiss intensified.

It was nice.

However, something was missing.

I had been thinking about it for weeks. It was nice, yet different. It was good — it could even be a bit hot sometimes, but not as devastating and excruciatingly good as with him.

I swear, I liked Lando, I really did. And I genuinely thought I could learn to live without liking him, I really wanted to overcome it.

But, the heart wants what it wants.

“Will you stay at my house tomorrow night?” Lando asked a few moments later as I pulled back. “Please, Y/N.” Pushy, I thought. “Come on.”

It took me a second to process Lando’s question. I knew it implied something else, something important. I tried to really think about it, quite intimated by Lando’s lustful eyes as he stared at me while waiting for the answer, then nodded affirmatively, the pressure oppressing my thoughts.

“Huh— Yes.” I blurted out. “Yes, sure.”

“Cool.”

Lando smiled and I attempted to do the same — mine must have looked weird and it vanished rapidly, as he kissed me on the cheek and headed back to the living room with a drink in hand.

All I could think about as I stood there all alone was Oscar, wondering what he couldn’t stop thinking about.

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

“Shit, shit.” I murmured to myself as my keys dropped to the floor. In the darkness, I looked behind my shoulder, eyeing the stairway. “Dumbass.”

I didn’t want to wake my father, he would’ve killed me.

I sighed and turned on the lights as I walked down the hallway quietly and stopped by the mirror next to the front door to look at myself.

Something felt off, I thought, my stomach hurting.

I lifted my shirt to touch it, the anticipation and the stress were starting to get to me. I was supposed to lose my virginity soon and I wasn’t sure I wanted to.

Of course I had about this moment before. And I didn’t have many expectations back then besides one — as cliché as it was, I wanted to do it with someone I loved.

I wanted to be able to look back at this moment in the future and to see it as a soft memory.

And as much as I liked Lando, I wasn’t in love with him.

Yes, we both appreciated each other. Which was more than most people we knew could say about their own relationship. For someone else, it might've been good enough to convince them.

But not me.

I wasn’t ready to share something so special with Lando.

I found myself rethinking about Oscar’s words from the previous night. “I fucking hate how this idiot thinks this is fair. You’re not an object.”

An object.

Until quite recently, Lando had never shown any particular interest in sex. We hadn’t even talked much about sex, yet. I didn’t even know if Lando was a virgin at the time, to be honest.

We’d make out sometimes but it only went as far as Lando touching my boobs over my bra. In fact, Oscar and I had done more together.

I frowned as I thought about the hickey, Lando had insisted.

It shouldn’t have unsettled me so much, Lando was an eighteen year old boy, after all. But it seemed so unlike him to behave this way.

I sighed as I remembered the way Lando had talked to me yesterday, in front of Oscar. Lando definitely wanted him to hear it, to know that we were about to have sex.

Now, I was even more confused and I had been five minutes ago. I feared that Lando wanted us to have sex for the wrong reasons.

I looked down at my phone as it started to vibrate. It was a text from Oscar — how convenient, a strange one.

I know it’s late, but I’m miles away from home and my car broke down. Mom’s not home, she’s not answering her phone. Please, I really need you, Y/N.

I agreed to help him in a heartbeat, and asked him to send me his location right away, even though I was about to leave the house to meet Lando.

To be honest — as shitty as it sounds, I was almost relieved to have found an excuse to cancel, I had way too many doubts.

I started the engine, the discomfort in my stomach long gone. I called Lando and told him I couldn’t make it. He sounded disappointed, I must have sounded unbothered in comparison.

And then as I explained to him what had happened to Oscar, something switched in the boy’s tone.

The disappointment left, the irritation came. Lando chuckled — low and dark, as his exasperation built up.

He called it a sweet coincidence.

And, I suddenly felt guilty and stupid as I thought how I should’ve been able to call his suspicions irrational.

I should’ve been able to reassure him but deep down, even though Lando knew nothing about what had happened between Oscar and I, I knew he was right to be worried and I hated it.

I promised to text him later before hanging up.

I arrived at the location forty minutes later, some random gas station on the highway, Oscar shielding his eyes from the lights as he stepped towards the car.

“You owe me one, Piastri.” I joked, watching him sitting down in the passenger. “I knew you enjoyed being the passenger princess.”

“Yeah, yeah— Try not to kill us.” He responded in the same amused tone. “Shit— I can’t believe you came here.” He told me, relieved. “I’m so happy you’re here.”

I snorted. “Don’t worry about it.” Both hands on the wheel, I looked around the empty parking lot. “Where’s your car? Shouldn’t we call someone or do something—”

“No, no, no— That won’t be necessary.” He shook his head. “It’s fine, it’s— Don’t worry about it.”

I narrowed my eyes, suspicious. “Okay…”

Oscar looked at the window, avoiding me. “I talked to my mother, it’s all good. I parked the car a little further away from here. We’ll get it back tomorrow. Let’s talk about something else—”

He sounded more and more nervous as the conversation kept going, speaking unevenly and hesitating between his words. Which was unusual for someone like him, who tended to remain composed and relaxed in most situations.

We left the parking lot.

And then, as I pretended to listen to Oscar’s nonsense, I thought about the one time in the kitchen after we hooked up. Oscar had been able to remain calm until my dad mentioned Lando.

And the one time we talked about it, at my house. He ran away as soon as I confronted him.

Oscar could handle most situations until someone or something reminded him that he couldn’t always control everything.

I decided to interrupt him. “Is there something wrong?” I glanced at him. “Did something happen tonight, or—”

“Eyes on the road.” He reminded me as I sighed. “Everything’s fine.”

I frowned. “You don’t seem fine.” I remarked, unconvinced. “You’re agitated and— Wait a second. I thought you said Nicole wasn’t answering the phone.”

He looked away as soon as the words left my mouth. I glanced at him from time to time, waiting. As much as I didn’t want to bother him, I couldn’t tolerate it, Oscar’s behavior worried me too much.

“What happened—”

“She called me twenty minutes ago.” He responded. “Don’t worry about it.” I rolled my eyes. “Everything’s fine.”

I could sense the annoyance creeping under Oscar’s skin as he tried to sound calm. “Focus on the road, Y/N.”

Fine, I thought, defeated.

It was awkward, the atmosphere heavy in the most unpleasant way. We didn’t talk to each other for some time, the radio keeping company to our silence. Oscar was still looking at the window, until my phone started ringing.

“Shit.” I said. “It’s Lando.”

Oscar looked at me as I declined the call. “Do you want me to—”

“Of course not.” I responded with precipitation, surprised. “He’s really mad at me. I don’t wanna make it worse. I’ll text him soon, we’re twenty minutes away.”

Oscar sighed. “Fine.”

“I don’t mean to be annoying or whatever—” I licked my lips. “But, it's stressing me out.” I admitted, looking straight ahead. “I need to ask, aren’t you gonna explain to me what you were doing there, all alone, in the middle of nowhere?”

He scoffed. “What about you, huh?” I frowned. “Aren’t you gonna explain to me why you’ve decided to come rescue me even though you could’ve spent the night with your boyfriend instead?”

“What does that have to do with—” I shook my head, then glanced at him. “What are you talking about, Oscar? We’re friends, I would’ve never let you down. And, I can’t even believe you still remember that—”

“Lando talked about it five times yesterday.” Oscar said. “I think, the whole fuckin’ town probably know at this point.”

He was right, Lando hadn't been subtle about it. He insinuated it a few times during the evening. Which only increased my doubts regarding his intentions with me.

Fuck me, I thought.

“He’s such an asshole sometimes.” Oscar added. “I don’t know what he was trying to prove tonight, but he’s clearly mistaken, anyway.”

I remained silent for a moment, then turned to look at him as soon as we approached a red light. “He’s clearly mistaken.” I repeated, hesitant. “What is that supposed to mean, I—”

“You know exactly what I mean.” Oscar said without looking at me. “He’s clearly mistaken about you.”

I stared at him in dismay. “Did you even really need me tonight, Oscar?” I waited, then smashed the wheel. “I asked you a question—”

“Yes, I did!” Oscar snapped, looking back at me. “Just as much as you needed me.” I scoffed at the boy’s audacity. “Oh, please— You responded to my text in one minute. You wanted a reason to cancel, we both know you didn’t want to be with him tonight.”

Someone honked at us. “You’re such—” I laughed nervously as I focused back on the road, my heart racing. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“Your relationship is bullshit.” Oscar stated. “It’s bullshit.” I felt my blood boil as I noticed Oscar’s smirk. “Admit it.”

“What happened tonight, huh?” I asked once again. “Come on—” His arrogance vanished. “Tell me, or I swear I’ll drop you right here.”

We glanced at each other. “You’d never do that.” That was it, I hit the brake hard. “What the fuck, Y/N?” Oscar asked as we both trembled against our seats, eyes wide.

I ignored the honks and the insults from the cars passing us by as I turned to look at him. “Lando was right.” I said. “Nothing happened, you did it on purpose to mess with us. And, I accepted to come because I’m an idiot, who can’t say no to you.”

“Wow.” Oscar chuckled in disbelief. “That's not the truth. You came to me because you didn’t want to be with him.” He leaned forward. “Just, fuckin’, admit it.”

He stared at me, his eyes challenging me to say something, my heart tight as anger consumed me.

His attitude was as unbearable as the tension between us. He was right and he knew that, I hated it.

I hated him so much at this exact moment. Or at least, I tried hard to. Because I knew I’d never really be able to, which terrified me sometimes.

It genuinely was what I disliked the most about Oscar, my eternal and unconditional affection for him.

I was scared of how much Oscar knew me, how easily he could read into me. Because it meant that he must have known exactly how much I liked him. And yet, it didn’t stop him from treating me the way he did.

Oscar cracked first under the pressure as I remained stoic, eyes filled with hatred. “My mom’s home. My car’s fine too, nothing happened to me. I just—” He exhaled. “I lost my fuckin’ mind. I was on my way to this party out of town and I couldn’t stop thinking about yesterday and how he’s trying to prove something to me constantly—”

“Hold on.” I leaned back against my seat. “This isn’t about me potentially having sex with Lando, it’s about your ego—”

“No, it’s not just about that—”

“You wanted to prove something to him as well, didn’t you?” I touched my temples, then chuckled nervously. “Look at me, swear to me that you didn’t do this mainly because you wanted to annoy him.”

He looked away as soon as our eyes met. “I don’t know what I was thinking—”

“God— You’re right, Lando’s an ass sometimes but you might be even worse.” I laughed as I started to cry.

Oscar tried to reach for me as soon as he noticed that I was in tears and I flinched instinctively, my body trembling. “Let me explain—”

“You’ve never looked at me, until someone else started to do it.” I said. “I’m sure you know exactly how I feel and you’re still messing with me. I—” I sighed. “I had someone nice, I could’ve moved on but you ruined everything—”

Oscar snorted. “Please— You didn’t seem to care much about him that night.”

I slapped him, hard.

We were both stunned, my hand — tingling, as red as the boy’s cheek. I stared at him as my breath caught. I had never slapped anyone before.

“Okay.” Oscar touched his cheek, then grimaced. “It’s fine, I deserved it.”

At least, the pressure had dropped

“I’m so sorry, I—” I murmured through my tears, still in shock. “I should’ve never done that.” He shrugged. “I think we shouldn’t see each other for a while.”

Oscar’s eyes snapped at me instantly, my friend still touching his cheek. “Huh—” After staring at me for a moment, Oscar sat down properly, then cleared his throat. “You have freckles in the summer.” I frowned as I turned my head to look at him. “You always laugh at your dad’s jokes, even the worst ones, to make him feel good. Sometimes when you’re nervous, you scratch your elbow—”

“What are you doing?” I asked him in a whisper as tears rolled down my cheeks, my fits clenched against my thighs. “Why are you telling me this?”

He leaned closer. “The morning after we spent the night together, I woke up first. And, you were laying on my chest, still asleep. You looked so sweet and peaceful, I didn’t want to move. Because I didn’t want to stop looking at you.” He insisted on the last three words. “I’m looking at you, Y/N. All the fuckin’ time, you just haven’t noticed—”

I sniffed, bitter. “Yeah, okay.” I crossed my arms. “That doesn’t explain anything, that doesn’t explain what happened between us.”

Oscar sighed. “I might have wanted to prove something to him tonight.” I primmed my lips as I tried to contain my tears. “But, we both know that’s not the only reason why I’ve done this, the only reason why I've been losing my mind lately.”

“Words, Oscar.” I said, frustrated. “I want words, I— I’m sick of the innuendos and riddles.”

“You’re the one who said we should forget about it, pretend it didn’t happen.” He responded leaning back into his seat. “I never said anything about—”

“Right— You don’t say anything, that's the problem.” I sighed as I felt guilty for letting my frustration get to me. “I dare you to say it.” Oscar and I stared at each other, both waiting. “Tell me why you’ve been acting this way. Tell me about what you can’t stop thinking about, tell me why it happened, tell me anything about your feelings.”

“I— I can’t.” Oscar responded as I waited with my heart on my sleeve, Oscar crushing it an instant with his response. “It’s really complicated.”

“It doesn’t have to be.” I said, settling comfortably into my seat as I looked at myself in the rearview. “You know what— You’re right. I didn’t want to be with Lando tonight. And, I don’t wanna be with you either.”

“Don’t say that.” Oscar answered with his eyes filled with something I hadn’t seen in them before, sadness. “Please, let’s talk about this—”

I sniffed as I held back the tears, biting my lip. “We did.”

I still remember the atrocious sensation I had in my chest as I breathed in and grabbed the wheel, the pain flowing through my wounded chest.

“We can’t keep doing this. I meant what I said. I think we shouldn’t see each other anymore, at least for some time.”

I feared this day would come as soon as I started crushing on him. I corrupted our friendship the minute I had the misfortune to let my heart venture beyond what it could endure.

And as we drove back home in silence, I remember asking myself: “Why did it have to be him?”

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

I did everything I could to keep myself busy. I had been focusing on school ever since we stopped seeing each other — two weeks had already passed, and thankfully, I had barely seen him there.

I didn't trust my ability to stay calm in his presence, yet. I would probably have snapped in a few minutes.

I can’t count how many times I’ve looked at my phone during this week and almost cracked.

But I didn’t.

It took my father one week to — finally, stop asking me questions about Oscar and Lando.

He’d look at me with concern and shake his head whenever I’d shut down at the second the subject would be brung up. After our fifth argument over this, he just stopped asking.

Almost every room in my childhood home had something related to Oscar in it.

It was an actual nightmare some days.

As soon as I opened my eyes in the morning, I would see pictures of him on the walls in my bedroom.

By opening the bathroom cupboard, I found myself face to face with Oscar’s toothbrush.

At dinner time, every time I would open the kitchen drawer, I would see the beautiful birthday candles we had used for my mother’s birthday last year.

Oscar and I had made a cake together.

“Y/N!” My dad had called from downstairs as I was sitting at my desk, finishing my homework. “Come down, someone’s here for you.”

Puzzled, I stepped down the stairs slowly, stopping once I heard the person’s laugh — it was a woman, and I sighed deeply as I recognized to whom it belonged instantly.

Nicole, Oscar’s mom.

I took a deep breath as my feet touched the ground.

I walked in the living room, accompanied by an immense weight on my shoulders as I wondered if Nicole knew what had happened between Oscar and I.

She smiled at me — Nicole always radiated such a loving and reassuring energy it was incredible, as soon as she saw me.

Dad nodded. “Okay— I’ve got things to deal with in town. I’ll be back in an hour.”

Nicole and I watched him walking out, then I focused back on her as I heard the door slamming shut. “Hey, it’s nice to see you, Nicole.” I said. “Is that—”

“Yes.” She agreed right away as I pointed at the box with my name on it, placed on the table. “I think it’s all the things you’ve left at home over the past few years.” I hummed faintly. “It wasn’t my idea.”

I didn’t even try to hide my disappointment, my face said it all. I stepped closer to the table to take a closer look at the closed box.

“I see.” I responded, my shoulders falling as I sighed.

Don’t cry, I repeated to myself as I realized it was over.

I couldn’t even blame him, it was his own way to deal with it, to deal with the chaos we had caused.

I had nothing though, no box or anything, to give to Nicole in return.

Because as much as it hurt me too — all these memories and things constantly bringing me back to him, I hadn’t found the courage to do it. I might have been the one to call it quits but I couldn’t bring myself to erase him from my life, not yet.

I touched the box, trying to picture Oscar, angry and disappointed as he gathered my things and put them away.

Our break was supposed to be temporary, not permanent.

“Sweetie.” Nicole said. “I don’t know what exactly happened between Oscar and you. I don’t understand how anything could come between you two.” She stepped closer. “I guess adolescence can be tough sometimes, it makes things difficult. You guys are so young, there’s so much more you need to learn in order to communicate better, to understand each other better. Whatever happened between you two, whatever the conflict was, I’m sure you two will figure it out. You’ve been friends for so long—“

“It’s really complicated, Nicole.” She sighed as she touched my shoulder. “We’re both idiots, I think.”

“He’s probably going to kill me for saying this, but—” She chuckled. “Well, he came straight into my room after you dropped him off and he collapsed into my arms.”

“Oh.” I murmured, surprised.

I had never seen him cry, not even as a kid when we’d watch the saddest movies. I’d always been the one to seek comfort in Oscar’s arms.

I thought about Oscar’s eyes back in the car, the way he had avoided mine the entire drive back to his house, the way he slammed the door shut behind him without looking back.

“Shit.” I murmured to myself, eyes closed. “He didn’t say anything to me on the drive back, I thought—” I shrugged. “I don’t know. I didn’t want to make him cry or anything, I—”

“I know, I know.” She assured me. “My son’s not good at expressing his emotions. But, I know how much you mean to him. You know—” She smiled. “You and Oscar caused quite a lot of troubles together. I can’t count how many times I’ve been in the principal’s office throughout the years.” We both chuckled. “But, I do think you’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to him. I’m sure you feel the same way about him, as well.”

“I do.” I confirmed quickly. “But, I guess sometimes even the greatest things must come to an end.”

“Maybe.” She nodded. “But sometimes it’s necessary, in order to start on new bases, better ones.”

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

I was getting ready for prom, humming in rhythm to the music playing in the background as I walked around the room to sit at my desk.

My eyebrows furrowed together once I heard someone knocking on the door.

“I’m not ready.” I responded loudly as I thought it was my father.

However, the person kept knocking again, again and again. I moaned and then got up, frustrated. I looked at myself in the mirror one last time before walking to the door.

“I thought, you—” I abruptly stopped myself as I opened it, my blood pressure dropping instantly. My mouth went dry and my breath caught as I recognized him. “Osc— Oscar. What are you—“

I remember feeling unsteady, my thoughts racing. I must have been in shock, my knee hitting the wooden door as I opened it wider to look at him.

Oscar wasn’t as agitated as me but just as stunned, looking at me with the sweetest eyes I had ever seen.

“Wow.” He murmured as he blinked rapidly, eyes lingering on my prom dress. “You— You’re so beautiful.”

I was an emotional wreck by that point. My brain was trying to process it all as the compliment reached my heart, my inner voice wondering if any of this was real or not.

“Huh—” I swallowed hard, then touched the fabric. “Thank you. That’s— You’re really sweet, Oscar.”

Our eyes met as I pronounced his name softly with my flushed cheeks and an uncontrollable smile appearing on my face.

Oscar smirked. “I mean it.”

It was at that moment, as we looked at each other tenderly — as if the past few weeks had never existed, that I realized how much I had missed him.

He cleared his throat. “I— I came here to tell you something.” I nodded. “I got accepted, I’m going to Uni.”

My jaw dropped. “Oh my—” I threw myself at him impulsively — overwhelmed by joy, wrapping my arms around the boy’s shoulders. “Congratulations, that’s amazing.”

We both chuckled. “I really wanted to tell you. We were together at my house when I sent the application.” Oscar said as I smiled, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. “I haven’t even told my parents, yet.”

I held him as tight as I could. Oscar didn’t want to move, I could feel it, he didn’t want to let me go. And I didn’t want him to move either.

We could’ve stayed like this, in this position, until the end of time.

“I’m so happy for you.”

And then, I sensed my entire body melting as I felt Oscar’s thumb caressing — so gently, my lower back.

Our embrace had gone from: “Congratulations.” to “I’ve missed you so much.” in a heartbeat.

Despite the circumstances, it didn’t even feel strange to be close to him again which made things even more difficult for me, it felt as natural as it always did.

“I’m really happy for you.” I repeated as I finally managed to find the strength to pull away a bit, Oscar’s arms still wrapped around me. I got nervous in the movement, our mouths dangerously close to each other. “I— Would you mind helping me with my necklace?”

He nodded, staring straight at me. He followed me to the desk without saying anything and took the necklace from my hands.

I huffed as I turned around and waited with my hair pulled to the side, my heart pounding shamelessly loud. Oscar stood behind me as I watched our reflection in the mirror, my impatience growing.

It was torturing me. I shouldn’t have asked him to do this.

I stopped thinking as I felt Oscar’s hot breath on my neck, it made my knees weak. Once done, he touched my bare back — I swear I was burning from the inside, then found my eyes through our reflection.

“You’re so beautiful.” He said, again. “Lando’s a lucky guy.” I frowned, slowly turning around to face him. “Did I said something wrong or—”

“We broke up.” I told him as our eyes met again. Suddenly, I couldn’t handle our proximity anymore, it was suffocating, the back of my thighs hitting the desk as I stepped backwards in precipitation. “I— I thought you knew.”

“No.” He responded in astonishment. “I didn’t know.” Thankfully, Oscar stepped back too. “I had no idea.”

He must not be talking to Danielle anymore, I thought.

“It happened that night, after our conversation in the car.” I explained to him. “It was doomed to happen.” I said as I crossed my arms, to shield myself. “I’m fine, don’t worry.”

I caught him staring at something on the left. I turned my head — noticing Oscar’s sweater on my bed, then looked back at him with embarrassment.

“Right.” I said. “You might wanna take it back.” He looked back at me, confused. “It’s yours, after all.”

“No.” He responded. “To be honest, I’m happy to know that you’re still wearing it.”

We stared at each other for a moment. I thought about Oscar’s box — untouched, hidden somewhere deep inside my closet. I hadn’t looked at the objects in it, I didn’t want to face the memories it contained.

“I guess—” I started. “You’re not going to prom.”

“Well— As you know, dancing’s not really my thing.” He told me, scratching his head. “Anyway, I should probably leave, I still have to tell my parents and you’re getting ready.”

I couldn’t force him to stay no matter how I wanted to. I could tell something had caught him off guard, his brown eyes fleeing mine and his body moving mechanically towards the exit with haste.

“Oscar.” I called weakly. “Please— Wait.”

I stopped at the door as he turned around in the hallway, ready to take the stairs. My mouth opened, a million thoughts racing in my head, most I would’ve never been able to say out loud.

And then, I said: “Truth or dare.”

Oscar frowned, then chuckled lightly. “Huh— Truth.”

“I miss you.” I replied in a heartbeat, completely missing — deliberately, the game’s point. But after all, it was the truth, my truth. “And, I’m really proud of you.”

He nodded, lips pressed together in a thin smile as we both stared at each other with tears in our eyes, my heart shattering once more as I watched him leave.

I closed the bedroom’s door behind me and sat down on my bed, covering my mouth as I cried silently.

My father called my name with an uncertain tone from behind the wooden door, knocking on it.

He came with a confused expression on his face as he saw me, asking me questions. I looked at him and choked on my words as soon as I tried to speak, the pain overwhelming my throat.

“Okay.” He said.

Dad sat down next to me and held me in his arms. I didn’t need to tell him, he had figured it all out the minute our eyes met.

I didn’t go to prom.

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

My father — literally, forced me to attend some random guy's graduation party a few weeks later, which I had thought was pretty suspicious.

He insisted. “It’ll be fun, you’ll see, come on!” I remember looking at him with narrowed eyes as I left the car.

Maybe there was somebody coming at home to see him that night, I thought. Somebody special. After all, my dad had been going out so much lately.

I had never seen my father with anyone else since my mother died. I wouldn’t have minded — I think, sometimes it hurt me to see him alone on the couch on Saturday nights.

But this assumption quickly disappeared from my mind as soon as I bumped into Oscar Piastri, on my way to the bathroom.

How convenient, I thought.

And as we started talking, Oscar told me he didn’t even really want to come here as well. Until someone — Nicole, had forced him to leave the house.

We quickly came to the conclusion that our parents — the sneaks, had pushed us to come to this party so that we could see each other.

“I can’t believe it.” I said as we both laughed about the situation. “They’re really smart. But, I could tell something was weird though.”

“Me too.” Oscar said. “My mom asked me to switch shirts two times. She was all excited, giggling while she walked around the house.”

“I like it.” I said, glancing at the button shirt. He looked down abruptly, but I could’ve sworn that I saw him getting red. “So—“ I shrugged. “Any plans for the summer? Are you gonna visit the campus or—”

“My mother and I went last weekend.” I sighed as I nodded faintly. “I really wanted to talk to you about it but since we don’t talk anymore, I just—”

“It’s fine.” I assured him. “I understand. You don’t have to—” I shrugged again, biting on my lip. “I get it.”

It hurt even though it was mostly — sort of, my fault.

I knew I hadn’t chosen to like him, obviously. It just happened, inevitably. But still, due to my inability to see him as a friend anymore, we both had missed so many moments of each other’s lives.

It saddened me.

I felt numb as I looked away, trying to ignore the increasing annoyance I felt towards myself.

Oscar noticed my discomfort. “Some friends and I are going to France this summer.” He said, trying to save our conversation. “We’re leaving in five days.”

“Wait—” I blinked. “France!” I repeated with excitement, Oscar chuckling as I nudged him gently. “Lucky bastard! You better send me some pictures and—” I paused. “I mean, if you want to.”

He smirked. “Of course I do.”

I remember my lips parting as I was about to tell him something until someone interrupted us by clapping.

“Adorable.” Someone said, standing behind me. Oscar’s eyes darkened as they settled on the person. “Look guys—” The guy chuckled. “It’s my favorite couple.”

It was Lando Norris.

He was drunk.

Everyone started to look at us, murmuring vaguely as they tried to understand the context behind all this. It irritated me as much as it made me uncomfortable.

I rolled my eyes as I turned around to look at Lando, the brown-haired boy waving at me. “Please, Lando—”

“I knew it, I fuckin’ knew it.” He mumbled with hatred as his blue eyes wandered between Oscar and I. “I knew something was going on between you guys, I could feel it the entire time.”

He stepped closer. “Hey, hey, hey—” Oscar said as he raised a hand towards Lando in order to stop him. “You’re really drunk. I don’t think it’s the right time to—”

“Fuck off, Piastri!” Lando screamed, stumbling. “Don’t tell me what to do. This is all your—” He frowned, touching his chest. “You’re the reason why this bitch dumped me, man—”

“Shut up.” I blurted out as I felt Oscar’s arm wrapped around me to push me to the side, my best friend stepping up. “Don’t talk about me like that.”

Lando stepped closer, almost bumping into Oscar’s chest. “Back off, Norris.” Oscar warned calmly, protective. “I won’t say it again. Don’t start something you could regret.”

Lando scoffed. “She’s in love with you.” He said, staring straight at me. “I didn’t stand a chance, it was screwed from the start.” My breath caught. “But at least, I won—”

“Lando.” I warned him, voice trembling. “Shut up.”

“What—” He shot me another look, then smirked. “Don’t you want him to know how good you are in bed, Y/N?”

I felt mortified as I stood behind Oscar.

Lando’s statement hit me as violently as a slap, my face burning with shame as I felt everyone staring at us. I huffed once Oscar turned around, the boy’s eyes desperately seeking answers in mine.

I maintained eye-contact, no matter how hard it was. And then, Oscar touched my forearm gently, reassuring me with a compassionate nod.

“That’s right.” Lando continued. “I fucked her.”

Oscar sighed deeply. “Okay— That’s enough.”

But as soon as Oscar turned around, Lando punched him across the face, the boy grimacing right after the impact.

I didn’t see it coming, neither did Oscar.

“What the fuck, Lando?” I exclaimed as Oscar stepped back. Face down, Oscar whined and cursed Lando discreetly, while covering his cheek. “Shit— You’re okay?”

Lando stared at us as I examined my friend’s face, my eyes filled with worry. “You’ve never looked at me like that.” He said with disgust. “Never.”

I glanced at him, Oscar leaning against me. “I know you don’t want to hear it.” I said. “But I’m really sorry, Lando.”

The brown-haired boy turned around, bumping into a few people on his way to another room.

I accompanied Oscar into the bathroom, forcing him to sit on the edge of the bathtub, ignoring his complaints. And I told him I was sorry a thousand times as I took care of him.

At some point, Oscar asked me — kindly, to shut up.

I sighed deeply once I noticed the blood on his shirt.

“No— Shit.” I murmured as I scrubbed it. Oscar didn’t say anything, looking at me attentively, waiting. “I— I hooked up with him, after our fight in the car.”

“I see.” Oscar answered as I added alcohol to the pad, standing between his legs. “You don’t have to talk about it, unless you want to.”

“I don’t know what possessed me, to be honest.” I laughed nervously, glancing at the blood on his cheek. “I just— I was really angry and sad. I went there, I led him to his bedroom, my brain shut down completely.”

“And so—” He hissed as I touched the cut. “The sex was so bad that you decided to break up with him afterwards.”

I shoved him, my reaction making him laugh. “Dumbass.” I touched his cut once more on purpose, Oscar’s hands gripping on my thighs through another hiss.

I wish I could’ve pretended that it didn’t do anything to me. But the moment I felt his hands on me, butterflies emerged in my stomach.

I thought about Lando’s words: “She’s in love with you.”

Love.

I liked him, it was undeniable, for sure. My feelings for him were sincere and intense. And I knew I wasn’t able to feel that way about anyone else, I had tried.

But I still hadn’t uttered the word, love. I hadn’t dared to cross the line, to even really think about it. It might have been too concrete for me at the time, too real.

I think I knew I wouldn’t have been able to take it back afterwards.

It was such a scary conclusion to face.

Suddenly, I felt too seen, too vulnerable when Oscar’s eyes — soft and bright, and I swear I almost died as I noticed how much trust and affection they were filled with, opened and met my frightened ones.

Love.

Under the neon lights, Oscar stared at me as I looked down at him, my chest moving rapidly. I held my best friend’s face with a trembling hand, the second one settling on his shoulder as I lost balance, my knees weak.

“Is everything alright?” He asked calmly.

Love.

I silently damned the sweetness in Oscar’s voice, and the way my heart couldn’t stay calm near his.

And then, I damned myself for how much I wanted to kiss the wound on his cheekbone, how much I wanted to dive into his beautiful brown eyes as they stared at me with worry.

Love.

My mouth dropped as Oscar’s hands went up my hips, excruciatingly slowly. He smirked at my reaction, murmuring my name with an amused tone as I stepped back.

No, I was not okay.

“You’re good at this.” He said. “Maybe, I don’t know—” He shrugged as I sat down next to him. “You could consider becoming a nurse or something. My personal nurse.” I smiled. “You could come with us this summer, we might need medical assistance.”

“Sounds nice.” I nodded, chuckling. “I’ll think about it. In case I change my mind about the east coast.” He frowned. “I got in.”

“Wait, what—” He blinked in disbelief. “Are you serious— That’s insane, I didn’t even know you applied there, I thought—” He shook his head, then hugged me. “Congratulations.”

“We haven’t really talked about our future in months. I applied months ago, I really wanted to tell you, but—” I pulled back to look at him. “You were hanging out with Danielle a lot back then. The circumstances weren’t good. There’s so many things I’ve been wanting to tell you lately.”

“Me too.” He admitted.

At the time, we both had been so focused on the potential romantic aspect of our relationship that we were barely even able to have a casual conversation anymore.

It would always end up getting out of hand.

Every time we were together, the moments we were sharing, the conversations we were having, everything always led us back to the undeniable tension between us, it was inevitable but overwhelming.

“I do think you were right though, we needed some time apart from each other. But, I’ll always be there for you, always.” Oscar told me. “You can call me, anytime.”

“Wow.” I murmured. “I didn’t know you could be so mature.” He rolled his eyes as I shoved him, chuckling.

“I miss you.” Oscar admitted as my laugh cooldown. I looked down at our hands, our fingers intertwined. “Now, I understand why our parents planned this.” He sighed. “We’re so stubborn sometimes.”

“Tell me about it.” I joked. “I almost called you a hundred times.” I admitted it. “It wasn’t easy—”

“I drove to your house two times last week.” Oscar blurted. We both started to laugh, my head resting against the boy’s shoulder. “I really wanna hang out with you, before I leave.”

“Me too.”

“My mom’s making lasagna tomorrow night, I know how much you like it.” I sat down properly to look at him. “Please, come over for dinner.”

“Sure.” I smiled. “I would love that.”

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

Of course, we spent the next five days together.

Oscar and I were basically inseparable. During this week, we found each other again, reconnecting with our nine years old selves along the way.

And we made the most of it.

I still remember the distress in my father’s voice and the way he had tried really hard not to smirk, calling Oscar and us immature as we ran around the us with waterbombs. Both screaming and laughing hysterically for hours with Nicole watching us in awe.

Each day, the time went on terribly fast as the date approached, but thankfully, Oscar and I fell asleep next to each other during each one of them.

And I think — so did our parents, that we both needed this.

Oscar and I would’ve hated to remain on bad terms. Especially because we both had planned to move out in a few months. So, we didn’t even know when we’d be able to see each other again, yet.

Not knowing tormented me deeply at the time.

“Oh— Thanks.” Oscar told me as I handed him back the t-shirt I had worn the night before. “I— I’ll put it in the laundry basket.”

I hummed in agreement, watching him from the bed. I had been sitting here for the past forty minutes, my stomach knotted as Oscar ran around the room to finish packing.

But then, Oscar turned around briefly and I caught him sniffing the t-shirt right before tucking it into the suitcase rapidly, thinking I hadn’t noticed it.

I smirked.

“We’re leaving in twenty minutes, Oscar.” Nicole said from downstairs by the staircase. “Twenty minutes.”

Oscar and I walked out the bedroom together, my heart tight as the moment approached. Nicole rubbed my back affectionately as I walked by, following Oscar from the alley to the car.

I waited by the vehicle while Oscar closed the car’s trunk, Nicole talking to him about something related to the trip. He glanced at me with an amused look, Nicole was far more nervous than him, we thought it was cute.

“Relax, mom.” He said.

“I’ll wait for you in the car.” She said. “Five minutes.”

Oscar rolled his eyes. “Yes.”

We both chuckled as soon as we glanced at each other. With both hands in his pockets and an awkward smile on his face, Oscar approached me, carefully.

“So—” He started. “It’s time.”

I’m the one who looked away first, scratching my elbow discreetly as I felt my chest tightening. I didn’t want to cry, not again. I had been a mess the entire week, I couldn’t bear it anymore.

But it was impossible for me to contain my emotions.

“Hey— Don't cry.” I groaned as Oscar took my hand. “It’s gonna be okay. We’ll talk everyday, I promise.”

I took a deep breath, looking at the sky. “Yeah, I know.” I smiled as I looked back at him, the tears coming. “But— I’m gonna miss you, that’s all. We knew this moment wouldn’t be fun.”

Oscar smirked. “Come here.” I held him tight against me, my face hidden in the boy’s neck as I savoured his comforting scent. “Don’t forget about me.”

I chuckled through my tears, my face hot. “Don’t be ridiculous, Piastri.” I slapped his chest, sniffing. “I could never, Idiot.”

I stepped back to look at him, my arms around the boy’s chest. I exhaled deeply as Oscar held my face, gently wiping away my tears.

My heart stopped for a second as I saw him glancing down at my lips with need while licking his, he then looked back at me, sighing.

“My mom’s definitely watching us right now.”

A warm sensation emerged from my chest as I stared longingly at him. It was insanely soft, almost blissful.

“Probably, yes.”

He hugged me again, tighter this time. “You better text me. I wanna know all about your summer, classes and campus.” Oscar told me as I struggled to breath, chuckling. “Don’t fuckin’ forget about me, Y/N.”

“Oscar.” I mumbled against him, the boy chuckling as well as I kicked him in the ribs. “Soon, I won’t even be able to do anything anymore, I can’t breathe.” He didn’t move. “Let me go.”

“Never.”

From a distance, I waved as I watched the car disappear from the driveway, Oscar heading towards Europe with my heart in the palm of his hands.

Surprisingly, I did not cry once I got back home — neither on the way back, rushing straight into my room. I exhaled in relief as I closed the door, leaning against it.

The room was illuminated by the sunset, a soft orange hue accentuating my feeling of nostalgia. It seemed empty now and was too quiet.

The sudden silence’s heaviness made me dizzy.

I almost pronounced Oscar’s name, expecting to see him arrive from the bathroom with his toothbrush at the edges of his lips.

I walked to the bed, scanning every corner of the room with my eyes, smiling as I appreciated how each one was filled with different versions of him, different versions of us.

I glanced at our new pictures on the wall fondly, the old ones with our little delighted faces still there, watching over me.

And as I was laying on the bed with my face plunged into the pillow on which Oscar had fallen asleep forty-eight hours ago, I heard my phone vibrate on the nightstand.

I hurried to take it, sitting down, my pulse accelerating as my fingers trembled while unlocking the phone.

It was him.

But then, as I started to read the message, my smile faded away progressively. I touched my chest, my heart sick from nostalgia while looking at the screen, a tear rolling down my cheek as I read Oscar’s text over and over again.

“I should have kissed you.”

Love.

(read the second part here)

[yippiastri]

✮⋆˙ hello cuties, got some news for you.

I’ve decided to cut my next story in two parts. Because I’m far from done with the ending, ect. So I thought I could make a part one, so guys can get something! Otherwise, I won’t be posting anything this month lol.

This story is taking me so long to finish. But it’s mostly because I really enjoy writing it and wanna take my time.

So, anyway, now I can tell you guys that the part one of my next story: truth or dare? is officially done!

I just need to work on the post now, I need to make a collage, ect. It shouldn’t take much time.

I’m so excited, hehehehe. ✮⋆˙

[yippiastri]

✮⋆˙ hey guys, I’m still very much alive and writing, no worries! I’ve been busy with the holidays and personal stuff, that’s all. The next fic is currently at 8k words, I can’t wait to finish it. ✮⋆˙

[yippiastri]

✮⋆˙ happy to announce that i’m currently working on my next story, which will be a friends to lovers one.

it’s gonna take some time, because my anxious-perfectionist ass is rarely pleased by anything and has to rewrite/change things many times before consider the story decent.

i’ll keep you guys updated, also we are at 1k notes on get him back! which is insane, thank you so much. ✮⋆˙

[yippiastri]

get him back was awesome, i love your writing!!

thank you so much 🥹🫶🏻 ur the awesome one here

[yippiastri]

oh my— the cutest kitten ≽^•⩊•^≼

[yippiastri]

✮⋆˙ hey guys, I wanted to thank you all for the amount of love “get him back!” has received over the past two days, it’s unbelievable. I hadn’t written a story in years, I was really nervous about it. So, thank you, thank you, thank you and love you all.

After what happened yesterday the quote: “It’s a shame that being a dickhead was not a sport, otherwise, Oscar Piastri would have been world champion.” from the story has a whole new meaning today. I don’t know if I should laugh or cry — probably both, let’s do it together.

If anyone has questions regarding the story or any ideas for something you’d like to read, or wants to talk about f1 or whatever, don’t hesitate to send me a message! I’d love to chat with you guys. ✮⋆˙

[yippiastri]

holy wow your writing 🤌🤌 its so good

thank you so much 🥹🫶🏻

[yippiastri]

LOVED ur fic soo much the way u write is crazy good :0

omg that’s so sweet 🥹 thank you so much, it means a lot to me!!!!!