...

trying my best to survive engineering xx

[yoroshikuji]

So we kiss goodnight, and I catch that flight Say goodbye forever, until next time

[yoroshikuji]

Giving somebody the best of you and watching them choose someone else.

[yoroshikuji]

Hindi lahat ng nararamdaman mo ay pwede mong sabihin. Minsan, sapat na yung ikaw lang ang nakakaalam.

[yoroshikuji]

You can love a person with everything in you but if the timing isn't right, it just won't work. You can't force it and you shouldn't have to.

[masteurmind]

Yung buhay ko, dalawa lang ang kulay itim at puti. Sistemang paulit-ulit nalang, pare-parehong mukha ang nakakasalubong araw-araw. Nakakasawa. Narinig ata nang nasa itaas ang reklamo ko, kasi paglingon ko nakita kita. Ang tagal kong nakatitig sayo, saan ka kaya nanggaling? Ano kayang pangalan mo? At anong rason ang nagudyok sayo para mapunta dito sa mundo ko? Mukha kang nawawala, parang di mo alam kung saan ka ba dapat magpunta. Kaya nilapitan kita at nagpakilala.

Kunot noo mo kong tinignan. Tinignan mo ko na parang maya-maya lang ay sasabak tayo sa gyera na pareho nating di napaghandaan. Tama nga ako — nawawala ka. Kaya’t sabi ko sayo, ako ang bahala at di kita pababayaan. Akala ko kaya kong panindigan yung sinabi ko. Akala ko sapat yung minahal kita agad at minahal mo din ako.

Kaso.. Nagsimulang maging magulo ang lahat. Hinayaan kitang magbigay — ibigay lahat ng meron ka, habang ako kapiranggot lang tapos tatanggap nalang. Naubos kita nang hindi ko sinasadya, natakot kasi akong baka masaktan mo ako. Natakot akong ibigay lahat pero sa huli ako yung talo. Hindi ako nagtiwala sa pagmamahal natin sa isa’t isa. Habang ikaw buo ang tiwalang ipaglalaban din kita. Naging makasarili ako na hindi ko inisip yung nararamdaman mo.

Nagdesisyon na akong bitawan ka. Tinalikuran kita at pinigilan kong lingunin ka pa, kasi ang makita kang basag at sira ang magu-udyok sakin na bumalik. Hindi ko na kaya, natatakot ako para sating dalawa Kaya’t sa huli ‘tong takot na naramdaman ko, ay dala-dala mo hanggang ngayon.

Kasalanan ko lahat, pero huli na para magsisi pa. Nagbago ka na — binago kita nung iniwan kita. Sinira ko yung tiwala mo, di ko ginawa yung sinabi ko. At kung takot ako noon, mas takot ka na ngayon.

kung saan nagsimula at natapos lahat // with @supladongtamad

[lohver]

be with someone who’s good for your mental health.

[yoroshikuji]

sarap magsulat ulit hahahaha

[yoroshikuji]

Ang saya nabuhay ka :D

alive but dead inside 

[poems-of-madness]

My whole life I grew up never belonging to any place. I grew up being different from anything I held dear to me. You see, the people I loved the most would reject my self-ness. I was not like anybody. I was a term they could not define. The people I loved the most made me the most lonely. I struggled to be lovable. I would have so much to offer. but it meant nothing, no one could sustain me anyway. My soul would struggle to escape my body at the thought of it.  I got to twenty-one and I still felt like running away. I was bold in my sacrifices for my people in return for their acceptance. I wanted them to stop the ache I felt in my heart. Desperately and foolishly. I felt different all the time. I knew what kind of effect I had on people, but it was not enough for me to stay. I cannot count how many times I almost packed my bags for the love of me. I truly only belonged to my heart. I only wanted to eat my heart out on my own.

#3 from The Essays by Royla Asghar  (via poems-of-madness)

[nitrogen]

“Sleep doesn’t help if it’s your soul that’s tired.”

— (via psychonuse)

[yoroshikuji]

No talk, seven days / Dead air, empty space / Is this where we are now?

[mingdliu-deactivated20210422]

I can’t help but think to myself: half of us are skeletons desperately trying to leave our bodies, and the other half are just skin and bones trying to survive.

Ming D. Liu (via mingdliu)

[daisylongmile]

“I don’t fit in.”

[ephemeralology]

But how many times does it have to get worse before it actually gets better?

(via ephemeralology)

[poems-of-madness]

You see,  my youth was eating me  whole. I had full lips of compassion,  and my eyes were in love with grief. I sat my hair in a bun and I will break myself like a honeycomb.  All sultry and perhaps too dulce. I would cry like a serenade for you. You see,  my hurt was tremendous, my hurt was the loveliest.  And I would take my eyes and run off to the city.  Forget me when I am in the capital. And forget you.  Jealousy was not enough for me, and I would call you all the time, with my heart half broken  on my sleeve. But for you there were greater things than me. So I break the world in half  and I make you chase my heart.  Because you see,  I make you feel like nobody else.

The Honey Queen by Royla Asghar  (via poems-of-madness)

[poetry]

redemption

because the moon wasn’t showing that’s why in the end i kissed you on the belly of the hill.

because you gave me redemption, carefully folded to fit between dry citadel stones,  or vegetables, or sweaty copper faces on a harbor, watching moored ships sink, that’s why i pressed your body  into something resembling an ocean.

because i understand loneliness to be a measure of the distance from yourself, and madness just sanity with teleconferencing, that’s why i let you pull me, ear by ear, toward a prior dream.

[crypticdatesuggestions]

The frost on the window still tastes like ghosts. You are no strangers to the cold. Her irises are cross-hairs. There is tragedy etched on her tongue. Surrender. Build her a temple from your flesh. She is ancient and nameless. You are all she’s ever known.