And I am a Goddamn Hero

Handsome Jack rp blog

[youareabandit]

Y’all: Jack hates Rhys’ mustache because he looks stupid with it

Me, an intellectual: Jack encouraged that abomination because it makes Rhys look stupid and laughing at Rhys is one of the few joys Jack has left

[youareabandit]

It’s been like two years but the new video came out and I kinda miss being here but most importantly I miss @kidsisterextraordinaire/ @aloyalemployee, so Raven if you’re out there-

[not-so-dalish-elf]

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Handsome Jack: “No, no, no. I can’t die like this. Not when I’m so close. And not at the hands of a filthy bandit! I could have saved this planet! I could have actually restored order! And I wasn’t supposed to die by the hands… of a CHILD KILLING PSYCHOPATH!! You’re… a savage! You’re… a maniac, you are a bandit, AND I AM THE GODDAMN HERO!!”

[youareabandit]

kidsisterextraordinaire replied to your post: kidsisterextraordinaire replied to your post: ...

au where it corrected to ‘full body’ and instead we got an electric ghost obsessed with his hair

Are you sure he’s not already? I mean

Look at that hair

[youareabandit]

kidsisterextraordinaire:

youareabandit replied to your post: amidelaloi replied to your post: …

Get him to Helios and he promises to not make her into a meat suit, cross his electronic heart

That one is DEFINITELY FALSE

It is NOT false, he swears, he’d rather kiss a bandit. 

[youareabandit]

kidsisterextraordinaire replied to your post: Jack trying to turn Rhys into a meat suit will...

While it’s still cheap I like to tell myself it was some weird late-entry on Nakayamas part to yes…make more Jacks…make MANY, MANY JACKS…

Maybe? Maybe Naka put a 0 where he should have put a 1 and instead of ‘get a physical body’ AI Jack took it as ‘get any physical body’

[youareabandit]

Jack trying to turn Rhys into a meat suit will never make sense to me. Like maybe, maybe, if you don’t accept the deal perhaps, but when Rhys happily takes over Helios? Jack has full control of one of the most powerful station in probably the universe, and while I’m sure he’d want a body again, robots are very much a thing in the borderlands universe. Sure we haven’t seen any humanoid, but I doubt the need for one has really come up before, and Jack, being the CEO of a very tech-savvy company, could easily push aside all the other projects in R&D and force them to make him a body. 

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, no meat suit would have his face, it’d have the actual person’s, and you can not tell me that Jack would happily go around pretending he’s someone else. Even if he was like ‘Hey, I’m Handsome Jack in a different body’, no one would believe him. Even if he started doing Jack things, people would just think he’s some fanatic who’s finally snapped. A robo-body would not only have his face, but make it much easier to believe that he’s the real Jack because who else would be rich and powerful enough to make a robot body.

[prettycolors]

#f7d708

[youareabandit]

kidsisterextraordinaire:

“Ran. Past-tense suddenly seems so nice. Hate to break it to you, but your egotopia was a lost cause. Even if Pandora were a place that could be helped, it’d take more than putting up statues and giving us guns to murder eachother with– it’s deeper than that.”

“Opportunity would have been great. A place of peace in a hellscape. Besides, what would you have done? Please, enlighten me on how I could have better fixed this disaster of a planet.”

[youareabandit]

kidsisterextraordinaire:

“Four or five years you could have been doing anything legitimately helpful instead of profiting off of mass bloodshed, huh? And the death was completely on you, you ran right into it.”

“I was trying to help. I killed bandits, I tried to start a normal city, and tried to bring peace and order to this place. And- AND I run- ran a gun company, bloodshed is literally the business of the company.”

[carrionthird]

the system only dreams in total darkness

[youareabandit]

kidsisterextraordinaire:

“This shitty planet, where I’ve spent the entirety of my shitty life, which was made shitty by basically-evil corporations and their shitty CEOs. One in particular? You might know him.”

“Oh puh-lease, you can not blame me for this hellhole being like this. I only started messing with Pandora, what? Four? Maybe five years ago? Plus I’ve been dead for a year. This planet’s shitty because it’s overrun with bandits and psychos.”

[kidsisterextraordinaire]

youareabandit replied to your post: Maybe you should have read the manuaaaaaal, huh?

“I can, but only if you ask nicely.”

“Who hurt you so bad you have this pathological need to be a dick all the time?”

[youareabandit]

“Who hurt you where you can’t even say ‘please’ when you’re asking someone for a favor?”

[kidsisterextraordinaire]

So how about that uncle robojack au

It’s actually spelled ‘best au in the world’ but it’s okay because I’m mentally incapable of going more than a week without it inserting itself into my brain and drop-kicking my heart

I’ll see your heartwarming nostalgia mention and RAISE YOU:- Gene’s family and their immense confusion and vague distaste for Jack why can’t they get a straight answer who IS this man- Jack and Gene: Comrades in fighting loudly with computers- GENE’S APPLE WATCH HE’S REAL PROUD OF- the most hyperaggressive man to ever step foot in the space equivalent of a PTA meeting- the most hyperaggressive man to ever sell baked goods in space- every time Jack mentions upgrades everyone stares for a minute expecting something impractical or gross while he’s sitting there like ‘I just meant??? heelys???’- he gets the heelys. To Meg’s ire he can nyoom zoom whenever he pleases- rubber duck of programming assistance- ‘remember to not do robot-y stuff’ ‘I get it Meg I’m not five’ [immediately proceeds to eat a soda can to intimidate a coworker] [isn’t even mad at the coworker, just wants to get a point across]- the initial re-meeting after that longass absence and it’s like the FIRST time a person is happy about the news- B&B…….B&B

[knightamer-archive]

“You kinda deserved it, Jack.” “I’m sorry. Deserved it? I brought order to this pisshole of a planet.”

[magicalinspo]

                               if i must be a monster, to protect what is m i n e,                                      THEN A MONSTER I SHALL BE.

[kidsisterextraordinaire]

amidelaloi replied to your post: “No, no, no, not with the face. Stop.”

You can’t challenge him to puppy dog eyes, he’s the king of that

Put yer puppies where yer eyes are, pardner

[youareabandit]

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