[youareanemberintheashes]

Jagged swirls of magic whipped over the visible skin of his hand. It was in flux, from his anger, but not out of control as it had been lately. As it had been when Nesrin was near. She affected him so strongly. pg.466

[youareanemberintheashes]

She straightened. His breath left his lungs like he had been struck. It was not Nesrin before him. But it could have been. They were the same height, the same build. The same eyes, chin, and nose. She was rail thin, as Nesrin had been, her eyes darker, her mouth thinner. Her hair was covered with a wrap of plain cloth, but a few ruddy swirls caressed her neck. Freckles were scattered over her hands and the scooped neckline of her caftan. His open-mouthed stare unnerved her, because she ducked her chin and went to work setting the dishes on a tray. "Who are you?" he asked. She wore servant's clothing. They bore dirt and flour and were well worn, threadbare along the hem. But she looked so much Nesrin. "Only a servant, Efendim," she said. "Do you..." It was a foolish question to ask, but his thoughts spun out of his control "...have a sister?" Her hands stopped their work, just a momentary hitch, then she continued as she shook her head. pg.465

[youareanemberintheashes]

Rashness had never served him. Naime was the planner. The chess master. What was he? Extraneous. He grit his teeth. What had he thought he would do here? Unravel some grand plot? pg.465

[youareanemberintheashes]

Osman guffawed. "Nesrin?" The laugh faded behind a smile. "She would not conspire to harm a fly." Momentarily, the man's reaction melted the ice holding Ihsan's emotions. The relief overshadowed the ripple of lies on his magic. But not for long. pg.464

[youareanemberintheashes]

"A few turns ago. It seemed to appear overnight," Osman said. Nesrin had just missed its arrival when she went to Narfour, then. Osman watched Ihsan intently, as though waiting for him to speak or come to some realization. pg.462

[youareanemberintheashes]

He had loved his father. And the injustice of his murder haunted Ihsan. But it had been Omar who had soothed his hurts, talked with him into the night, given pride and praise for accomplishments. It had been Omar, and Dilay, who kept vigil during Ihsan's worst days. pg.460

[youareanemberintheashes]

Why could he not keep her from his mind? She was in everything around him. Every green leaf and fragrant bloom, every face, the termination of every thought. Perhaps he would find something here that would excise her from him. That wasn't what he wanted. He wanted a reason to hold on to her. To hold on to the man he was becoming because of her. A man he had thought was lost, with everything else that mattered to him. The gaping hole that yawned inside him at the idea of her absence was too much to bear when there were already so many pieces of him missing. pg.459-460

[youareanemberintheashes]

Just outside the window, an exuberant array of flowers and herbs crowded together, along with vegetables, and in among them all, roses with heavy blooms. Somehow, he knew, knew, that Nesrin had a hand in their vitality. That was her gift, wasn't it? Making everyone and everything around her more vital, more energetic. Something twitched in his thoughts, but disappeared before he could grasp it. That certainty made him question his doubts. Was he letting Cemil and his riddles play to his weaknesses? But why did she have those broken glass pieces? The forged katil insignia? It made no sense if she was involved, and even less if she wasn't. And what was even happening? What might she be involved in? pg.458-459

[youareanemberintheashes]

Just outside the window, an exuberant array of flowers and herbs crowded together, along with vegetables, and in among them all, roses with heavy blooms. Somehow, he knew, knew, that Nesrin had a hand in their vitality. That was her gift, wasn't it? Making everyone and everything around her more vital, more energetic. pg.458

[youareanemberintheashes]

His gaunt face and bony frame reminded Ihsan of Nessa when she first came to Narfour. He pushed the thought away. Along with the stab of longing. He was furious with her, wanting more than to put her from his mind. But also, he wanted the comfort of her embrace. Wanted it all to be part of his nightmares. pg.455-456

[dirtymindhehe]

Memories ❤️

[youareanemberintheashes]

All he could so was stand, holding on to the swell of feelings, tangled, and ugly. There was nowhere, no one, to turn to. No way to let them out, so instead it spread through his body, a blizzard inside him that bit like a million fragments of glass. Magic poured from him in rolling fog, freezing as it went, blackening the grass and foliage it touched as it froze and thawed. Emotion consumed him. He wanted to scream, or rage, anything to ease the unbearable press of it. But there was nothing. The night at least, with its quiet and lack of people, demanded nothing. Still, his thoughts spun, from his uncle and the hole of his absence, to Nessa. To picking apart everything she had said and done, picking at it like a scab, until he was bleeding grief and choking on bitterness. Every look, every smile, every touch...were they lies? Why hadn't he listened to his doubts? pg.452

[youareanemberintheashes]

"You are not going to defend yourself?" Ihsan demanded, his voice raw, magic snapping in it. He was losing his grip on it, could see the sparkle of it coming to life in his skin. "What is this?" Only moments before she had been all he had wanted in his grief. Now... Nessa flinched as if he'd struck her. Reyhan set the clothes on the bed and sat beside her. The fire mage dared to glare at him. Nesrin opened her mouth, then folded forward with a cry. Fire skittered along the edge of Ihsan's senses, and he glared at Reyhan. "Are you casting?" Reyhan stared at him, eyes round as a rabbit's, her skin blanching a shade paler. Nesrin straightened. pg.451

[youareanemberintheashes]

Nesrin saw Ihsan. Their gazes met, and tears spilled from her eyes and down her cheeks. The shame in her face was as good as a confession, and fury built in him, brittle and choking. An easy step from grief. pg.450

[gentlemanuniverse]

[youareanemberintheashes]

He did not want to see. He did not want to look at Nesrin or hear her protests or be there to have his heart shattered. Whether if was because he had not believed in her when he should have, or because he had ever believed in her at all. But neither could he stand out here and wait. The ice expanding inside his mind and magic would shred him. pg.450

[youareanemberintheashes]

Samira got off the bed and came around to kneel on the floor beside Naime and Ihsan. She put an arm around Naime's waist. Ihsan stroked Naime's hair. She inhaled a long, sniffling breath. Then she wiped her eyes and rose to lean forward and kiss her father's brow. "Tell Anne I love her," she whispered. "And know that I love you, Baba." Ihsan squeezed Omar's hand, and wished, like Naime, to hear his laugh one more time.