[youarejeffs-blog]

I think I’m slowly making the full transition over to @cgcpoems - if any of us are mutuals on here PLEASE message me there & I’ll follow you there, okay? I miss seeing all of your posts. I miss all of you. this tumblr has meant so much to me for so long. hopefully I’m able to blog more on here in the future but for right now youarejeffs is going on a little hiatus.

again, please message me on @cgcpoems if you follow me there. I love you guys.

[youarejeffs-blog]

god.....,,..,it has been too long. I have been traipsing around @cgcpoems for months now. i’m not sure if any of you are still there but know that: I love you guys :(

[cgcpoems]

dear evan hansen, today…wasn’t a good day. you see, I was thinking about dying again. I was thinking about the difference between falling and letting go. I was thinking about the expression on his face when he pushed me to the ground and how the resulting bruise stings every time I touch it. I wish I could stop touching it. I wish I could stop thinking. dear evan hansen, I played baseball for two years when I was about eight years old. nobody was ever quite strong enough to propel a hit into the outfield so, whenever I was positioned there, I would crouch down and make chains out of the grass at my feet by tying the individual blades together. I wouldn’t do anything with them afterwards, just systematically knot and abandon them. this is where my knack for running away from the things I create began: with a broken-in glove and absolutely nothing to catch. dear evan hansen, I’m going through withdrawal from my antidepressants because I had to change pharmacies and now instead of just pressing some numbers and listening to an automated voice I have to speak to an actual person and it takes me at least a week to talk myself into a phone call and I miscalculated my time window for doing so before I ran out of the tiny blue pills this month and I hope you can see the irony here even if it isn’t funny it isn’t funny at all. dear evan hansen, apparently you’re supposed to wash your windows every six months which means I should be elbows deep in a bucket of soapy water right about now but, where’s the logic in opening up a gateway to life behind the glass if nobody cares about my being there? I can’t reach outwards and hurt myself like I used to. it broke my bones then hid from the damage. it almost killed me. dear evan hansen, I wrote a requiem for the person I was before I fell in love and it sounds a lot like the click of a keyboard in an empty room. this is almost as lonely as refusing to look at the sky on the last day of summer. almost. dear evan hansen, I stopped picking the splinters out of my arms because I liked the idea of growing overtop of my mistakes. dear evan hansen, I’ve been writing all of these letters to you but I think they’re supposed to be letters to me. dear evan hansen, I’m not sure if I should answer when people call my name anymore. dear evan hansen, I’m not sure if I’m even here at all.

DEAR EVAN HANSEN (based off of the musical by the same title), by Caitlin Conlon. (via cgcpoems)

[youarejeffs-blog]

I NEED TO BE MORE ACTIVE ON HERE AGAIN I AM SO MAD AT MYSELF UFJDJSJJS I LOVE YOU GUYS I PROMISE

[cgcpoems]

LEO: You really don’t want to admit it, because it’s a pretty ridiculous thought, but you’re scared of what being fully healed from the heartaches you’ve experienced entails. Because you aren’t sure of who you are when you aren’t hurting and you don’t know how to observe the world with unclouded eyes. It’s okay to be apprehensive of the sides of yourself that you haven’t had many opportunities to become acquainted with. While you may know yourself better than anybody else, that doesn’t mean that you need to be an expert on all things you. It’s okay to still be in the process of meeting yourself and figuring out who you are. You aren’t racing the clock. VIRGO: You’re finally embracing the things you’ve been talking about doing for so long, but something feels off about it and you don’t know why. Because isn’t this the thing you’ve been working towards? Isn’t this the life you pictured yourself living after pulling yourself out of the gutter and onto the grass? I don’t think it’s right to assume that you’ve made the wrong decision here, but it’s important to remember that not everything you wrap your arms around is going to feel soft and easy to swallow. Sometimes the right decision has to hurt in order for it to be the right decision. Soon you’ll know if there’s anything that needs changing. LIBRA: I know that trusting your instincts after being led astray so many times is a difficult thing for you to wrap your head around. You’re not the type to forget about the poor decisions you’ve made, or the mistakes you’ve given life to. However, road bumps and wrong turns aside, you are still a person worth listening to. It may seem as though everybody else has a map showing them the route to success and that yours was lost in the mail, but I’m going to let you in on a secret: nobody has a clue, a lot of us are just really good at acting as if we are. You haven’t fallen behind, you’re running with the wolves. SCORPIO: Everyone assumes that you have a lot of love in your life but, while it’s easy to pinpoint a handful of people that have handled your heart with the utmost care, it’s easier to identify those that haven’t. At the end of the night the latter is what plagues your thoughts and wrings the tears out of your eyes, and admitting to that seems like a sign of weakness. But I want you to know that you aren’t obligated to live up to the expectations that the world holds for you. You’re allowed to make your own goals and visit your own places of interest. And the people that can’t love you for that aren’t people that you need surrounding you, anyways. SAGITTARIUS: You have a tendency to look for yourself in everybody you meet, stacking your personality traits up like chips in a poker game that you’re destined to lose. The problem here is that in order to do this it involves reducing yourself to the most basic of traits and that isn’t what you are. Just because you can rattle off a list of acquaintances that use humor to detract from a situation in the same way that you do, doesn’t mean that you’re a carbon copy conglomerate of the souls you’ve met and interacted with. You’re unique, and you’re a lot more than simply a list of shared qualities. There are parts of you that cannot be put into words. CAPRICORN: Has anybody told you lately that they’re proud of you? I know that things have been piling onto your windowsill and that you haven’t had the energy to clean it off yet but you’re still standing tall and you’re still here and that’s something to be happy about. Celebrating the small victories isn’t something that you’re used to doing, but it’s time that you start; it’s time that you open your eyes to all of the things that you do on a daily basis that warrant praise and positive attention. An action doesn’t have to be monumental in order to be important. You do wonderful things each and every day. AQUARIUS: It’s been difficult to get back into the depths of your passion because there’s a really loud voice in your head saying that it isn’t worth it. A feeling of insecurity welling up in your throat and spilling out of your mouth whenever you open it to speak. Sure, your dream is big. Cynics may have told you that it isn’t worth pursuing. But there’s a reason that you’re chasing what you are, right? It’s because it makes you happy, and it makes you feel whole. And I know that it can be incredibly discouraging to stumble over things you care about, but you just have to keep walking despite all of that. Your goals are worth it. PISCES: Lately you’ve been haunted by the memories of people that only came into your life to take. The nightmares have become an almost regular guest in your bed, taking the sheets and kicking your shins every night like clockwork. I want you to know that what you need to do in order to gain closure over the unkind past seems terrifying because it is. I also want you to know that you deserve to move on from those that have harmed your growth in the past. It may seem impossible to reach a place of contentment with the situation you’re picturing as you read this, but you’re more than capable of surviving what’s follow you. Allow yourself to thrive. ARIES: Taking care of yourself still feels foreign, sometimes. Acting adult-like is an oversized jacket that you’re familiar with shrugging off and leaving at home despite the weather that requires its presence. There’s too much societal and social pressure to be fully grown all of the time, in my opinion. Not to say that you shouldn’t be responsible, or that you don’t already take care of the things that you need to, but you’re able to reevaluate what it means to be a successful human being. You aren’t chained to standards or rules or cookie-cutter definitions of “being a grown-up.” Don’t lose touch with the roots that mean so much to you. TAURUS: Another ending, another heartbreak, another name written through the steam on your shower wall. It isn’t fair that you give so much and still only get apple cores and empty promises handed back to you. I know you’re starting to wonder if it really is a “you-thing,” if the absences you’ve needed to learn to exist around were created by your own hands in ignorance. While most failed connections falter on both sides of a line, that doesn’t mean you’re allowed to be mean to yourself for things that aren’t exclusively your fault. Being kind to yourself is a practice that will benefit you more than you know. It’s okay to give yourself a break. GEMINI: Happiness is a lover that always sends you postcards but never tells you when they’re coming home. You’ve grown so accustomed to their quick scrawl reading “wish you were here” that you can almost predict each cards’ arrival after every new bout of sadness. It feels like your emotions enjoy mocking you a lot of the time, making you cry over your latest heartache while reminding you of the moments in which you felt nothing but pure and unfiltered joy. I can’t guarantee the continuous presence of bliss in your life, but I will say in confidence that it’ll always come back to you. Even when you think it won’t. Especially then. CANCER: It’s a lot easier to let the dying embers of a fire fade into darkness than it is to stoke them back to life. I know that you’re tired of crouching next to weak flames, watching them flicker and refuse to glow despite your best efforts, and for good reason. Everybody knows that you deserve better from the world, that isn’t a question. How could you, the big-hearted lover of love, be destined for something as ugly as this? The answer is that you aren’t. Large, beautiful, fulfilling things are on their way, slowly but surely. Don’t forget that it won’t always feel like this. You won’t always view happy moments as a quick reprieve from the norm. Promise.

AUGUST HOROSCOPES, by Caitlin Conlon (via cgcpoems)

[cgcpoems]

I’m so incredibly happy to announce that my very first chapbook, “Cavity,” is going to be available to purchase as of September 30th, 2017. Preorders, along with the cover reveal, will be live on August 30th, 2017.

This chapbook is 30+ pages long with 24 brand new poems, 18 of which have never been seen by any of you (even in their earliest stages). “Cavity” is a brutally honest collection about pulling yourself through the wreckage of your first heartache. To quote the first poem in the collection, “I have never learned to heal with any amount of grace.” This is my graceless descent into remembering who I am without anybody else around.

I’ve put my entire heart into this collection & I’m so happy to be sharing it with the world, and with all of you that have supported me on this journey. I hope that you absolutely love it.

Two months. September 30th.

[cgcpoems]

here we are again, wasting hours at the dinner table arguing over what our next move should be. spitballing crimson opinions back and forth like an unconventional tennis match where nobody wins and love is just a score, is just something to be won. god, I’m GIVING it to you, I’m GIVING you my entire heart on a plate of my best intentions, there’s a fork and a napkin and a hunger in your belly and still, you push it away. you push away. your chair leaves cruel marks on the hardwood and I imagine that they’re tiny roads, leading to a universe where I’m not always the one that cares more. a place that trades kisses like currency and never forgets to tuck you in at night. baby, sweetheart, you don’t know how good you have it, here. people spend their entire lives starving for a feeling like this, waiting for affection that doesn’t ask for compensation or a call back at the end of the night. I should know, darling. I should know.

the zombie apocalypse, or something like it, by Caitlin Conlon (via cgcpoems)

[cgcpoems]

nostalgia is shaking the contents of my chest / murmuring quietly / with force / ‘it’s time to go’ / 'it’s time to go’ / 'but where?’ / pleads my heart / 'what haven’t I destroyed?’

excerpt #2, by Caitlin Conlon (via cgcpoems)

[dopxgaga]

[saltyshoes]

[gloomology-deactivated20240730]

[onemoresongtosingalong]

Visit Original Link

[amusementforme]

[tristamateer]

Here we are again at the base of this poem about a man  ashamed of the hands he touches other people with. Too stubborn to admit love when it’s stuck in his throat like hard candy, like juice gone down wrong. He can’t stop coughing it up. Here we are again, me and this poem, trying to persuade you that it’s romantic, not to be chased but to be held off, to make friends with the waiting room but not the people in it because the people keep changing but me and this room we just keep on waiting. Funny how things can tell you exactly what they are and you’ll still find a way to be surprised and disappointed later. It’s not the room’s fault that nobody likes waiting. It’s not the man’s fault I keep crawling down his throat and making myself a choking hazard.

SAME OLD, SAME OLD by Trista Mateer (via tristamateer)

[rogerwilkerson]

[alonesomes]

missing u ❤️ (at San Francisco, California)

[greggaraki]

this is the summer of listening to lorde’s melodrama and pretending that you’re coping