So, over the last couple of months I have delayed on making this post cause I was fearful of judgment, of failing and others being a witness to it, of accusations of not really trying and other things. But I've been striving and working on recovery. All the other times I tried to I focused mainly with anorexia on just the weight part and would pretty much not focus at all on my mental health, which obviously isn't how it should be, it doesn't work at all and you end up feeling even worse for it which I'm sure some of you can relate. But this time I'm doing it all differently. Do I struggle with wanting to lose lose lose more and more weight yes, but I'm trying to just maintain at this point and time and not worry about gaining weight. This time I'm focusing on my mental health, ED wise, depression, and also PTSD. I'm making progress, I'm having good days, I'm having less panic attacks, less flashbacks, I'm getting back to myself, I'm even getting to know myself again cause after being in an abusive relationship you lose yourself, you forget about all the things that made you YOU and after its over you feel so foreign with yourself. I'm getting back to music, dancing, drawing, reading, even enjoying being outside and going places!! I'm working on building relationships back up with friends and family. I'm making progress, these things might sound simple or small, but they've been huge steps for me, some may be small but they still make a major difference. I have a long way to go, but I'm making moves forward, i was so exhausted, tired of being stuck, we are all allowed to struggle, but don't let yourself stay there, claw, tear away, climb out. I have no idea were I'm heading but I'm going anyways cause it beats a 1,000x staying where I was.
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