Life's Puzzle Pieces

VB. 34. Wife & Mommy 💕

[dreamstars]

[youknowmo]

And...... She's Baaaaaaaaack!

#hiatus #ImBACK!

[youknowmo]

Sometimes I feel as if I’m not allowed to feel emotions. Whatever I feel, it’s as if I need to surpress those feelings, or articulate it right. I am not allowed:

- to be too happy

- to be too upset

- to be so sad

- to feel hurt.

[youknowmo]

I made a choice to go back to therapy because I need help and came home to my boyfriend leaving for work and not coming back until Monday morning. Coming from someone who has always needed company or to talk things out in my head, let’s just say, this has been the hardest three days in a really long time.

[youknowmo]

Sometimes, I honestly do think things would be easier if I could just stop feeling so deeply.

[youknowmo]

I am never able to clear out my mind. My brain just keeps going-  overthinking, replaying and fixating. Rehashing things that have come and gone, could have been, or could eventually be. Some might say that this is just a display of a fiery tenacity to keep on moving, learning,  and evolving into the best version of myself, but what I am feeling right now is: e x h a u s t i o n. A jumbled fogginess that is showing no signs of a clear direction. I’m standing in the empty field of fog and in the distant shadows of the fog are all of the “what was, what could have been, and what could be.” I just feel lost and right now all I can do is break down into a anxious ball of stress. 

[naturaekos]

“Don’t allow your wounds to transform you into someone you’re not.”

Paulo Coelho, Aleph (via naturaekos)

[naturaekos]

“You have to accept that sometimes that’s how things happen in this world. People’s opinions, their feelings, they go one way, then the other. It just so happens you grew up at a certain point in this process.”

Kazuo Ishiguro, Never Let Me Go (via naturaekos)

[minuty]

[youknowmo]

I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired... and quite frankly I don’t like slipping back to this state of mind. I know I have control to stop it from happening but I also don’t know how to fix me.

I just want to stop hurting.

[youknowmo]

You’re thinking about our future, and I’m too focused on the now. We need to meet inbetween, but neither of us wants to budge.

I just want to spend time with you, I want to be in the moment and make memories now. Before our lives are no longer just our lives, and we have a family that we put first. I want to spend time on us before we spend time on them. Before all our efforts are to make sure they have the security we longed for for all these years. There is nothing wrong with planning for our future, but I just don’t want us to get lost in the planning so deep to where our present becomes the past, and our foundation wasn’t strong enough to always remind each other of why we love one another so deeply. We’ll forget the love that we have now and the memory alone won’t be enough to keep us together.

And that scares me so much that my heart is aching at the thought. I love you so much, but I don’t want this to be our story.

[thegoodvybe]

[olearypoetry]

[youknowmo]

I’ve never loved anyone more in my life, but I’ve also never felt like the biggest disappointment until now

[youknowmo]

I’m literally sitting in my office crying with the door closed because I’m so stressed out. I’ve lived in high stress environments and worked in high stress environments - But none compare to how depleted and defeated I am week after week where I am now. I’m so tired. The exhaustion of being the only one who gives a damn about the work that I do, or the people in this office is killing me. I need to stop giving a shit about people and what’s expected of me. The more that I give them, they greedier they get. What do I get in return? Stress, tears and continuing to be underpaid. 

[youknowmo]

‪I literally have nowhere to go to let out any frustration. ‬

[thunder]