...You Might Be A Conservative

Tumblr's #1 gathering spot for godless misandrist baby-killing Communist oppressors of rich white people! At least, according to the other guys. We like to think of ourselves as liberals and leftists. Your patriotic admins: Peter & Ianthe Abortion - Gun Control - Racism - LGBT - Religion - Economy - Free Speech - Federal Government - Science - Birth Control - Class Warfare

[youmightbeaconservative]

If your blog was sentient and could consent to marraige I would offer it my hand in such a union.

[youmightbeaconservative]

The high school I went to is having the Cary Police Department fire blank rounds in the hallway tomorrow during a code red drill to "familiarize students with the sounds of gunfire". I'm a proud CG Trojan, but this goes too far. It does nobody any amount of good. People don't shoot flamethrowers down the halls during fire drills with kids locked in rooms and tell them to "familiarize yourself with it". 

-Peter

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/29/illinois-school-shooting-drill-cary_n_2575023.html

[youmightbeaconservative]

A liberal Muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx.

"Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being that the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ"

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.

"How old is this rock?"

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied "4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian"

"Wrong. It's been 5,000 years since God created it, If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real.... then it should be an animal now."

The Professor was visibly shaken and dropped his copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears.

The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named "Small Government" flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk board. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.

[youmightbeaconservative]

If you think that Jews could have stopped Hitler if they simply had some AR-15s

You might be a conservative.

Because it took France, Russia, UK, Canada and the United States about 6 years with trained soldiers. 

So, no. 

[whatiscapitalism]

The Second Amendment was written so Americans could overthrow the government in case a socialist ever made it to the White House. No wonder Obama hates guns.

[neopets2002-deactivated20170101]

wtf no it wasnt

[petercartwright-deactivated2013]

You got your History wrong, you made me mad.

The Bill of Rights was...

[youmightbeaconservative]

If you think that doing absolutely nothing will fix gun violence in America

You might be a conservative.

[youmightbeaconservative]

If George Bush's assault weapons ban didn't bother you at all, but Barack Obama's causes you to draw comparisons to Adolf Hitler

You might be a conservative

[youmightbeaconservative]

Oh. Imagine that. 

[youmightbeaconservative]

If the AR-15 in your closet means more to you than the one used to massacre people in Aurora

You might be a conservative. 

[lieue2]

girls are not made of sugar spice and everything nice girls are made of carbon atoms and lies

[youmightbeaconservative]

If you give red states money when they're hit by hurricanes but don't give it to blue states when they're hit by an even larger hurricane

You might be a conservative

[youmightbeaconservative]

If you think the 50's were fun and great and happy

You might be a conservative. 

Blinded by your own whiteness. 

[youmightbeaconservative]

If you can't make the logical and clearly evident connection between liberalism and historical progress

You might be a conservative. 

[youmightbeaconservative]

you're back! this blog hasn't been posting very much lately. I've been missing my favorite sarcastic and witty liberal blog! (not sarcasm, I'm genuinely glad you guys are back :) )

Well election season is over and Ianthe and I just got through with finals, and I'm working full time over break so I'm BUSY AS HELL. 

But we'll try to keep the truth coming

[youmightbeaconservative]

If you're a fedora-wearing, "friend zoned" white guy from the suburbs who thinks he knows the dynamics and complexity of the world

You might be a conservative.

[youmightbeaconservative]

If guns are a right but healthcare is a privilege

You might be a conservative.

[youmightbeaconservative]

If you think that Israeli teachers are all armed so ours should be too...

You might be a conservative