When I was little, Ngin sewed me four or five different costumes that I loved to dress up in. They were amazing and crafted with such skill and detail. There was a nurse or doctor's outfit with a doctor's bag and a mini stethoscope, a chef's coat with one of those big white hats, a painter's smock with pockets of every size for any tool you could imagine, and maybe a police uniform or something...I sort of forget the rest. But what I do remember is the excitement I would feel as soon as I walked into Ngin and Yeh-Yeh's home. I would head to the back of the family room where she had a small plastic pocket shelf which beautifully organized all of the different costumes. Im pretty sure she sewed that shelf herself as well. I would stand there and contemplate which outfit I wanted to dress up in first. To me, it was less about the "dressing up" part...but what I love most about this memory is how she helped me see that I could become anything that I wanted to be when I grew up! And now that Im...well, sort of grown up, depending on who you ask, I still love looking at life that way. We always have the opportunity to grow, to learn, to explore and to change. Perhaps her costumes were just meant to be something fun for me and all of the future grandkids to play with, but the memory of them will always hold a little more weight for me. She helped open my eyes to possibility! She helped me believe that I could do it all, if that's what I wanted! And I will especially never forget how those costumes made me feel. Excited and confident. Playful and smart. Hopeful and driven.
A few years ago, someone from our family sent out a funny group text message which included a picture of Ngin who had fallen asleep on the couch. Sun on face. Mouth wide open. It was amazing and made me laugh out loud at work when I received the text. I immediately sent the picture onto my best friend with the caption, "I want to be just like her when I grow up." Within two seconds, my friend texted me back with a picture she had secretly snapped of me sleeping on a recent road trip. Sun on my face. Head back, mouth wide open. Her caption read, "You already are." I didnt know it then, but that was one of the greatest compliments I've ever received.
Today, Ngin, as we celebrate your beautiful and full life, I want you to know how much you have meant to me. I have looked up to you in so many ways:
as my supportive and loving grandmother,
as the mother of my amazing father;
as a devoted Oakland A's fan, a talented seamstress, a passionate Bingo player, and an awesome Bowler;
as a loving sister, a caring friend, and for me, most of all, I have admired and respected the independent and strong woman that you were--someone who knew what she wanted--like a thick slice of prime rib...medium rare...for lunch...just so you can bring half of it home as leftovers.
So out of all of the things I could be when I grow up--or as I guess I continue to grow up--Ngin, I still want to be just like you.
How lucky have we all been to know and love your beautiful spirit and soul. It has truly been an honor to share these days with you. Thank you.
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