Maybe one day people will know him only by his name. Maybe new fans will admire his solo achievements and the way he shines on stage. But we know that light didn't appear overnight.
He worked hard for years, gave his all, fell down, and got back up again. In every performance, there was passion; in every smile, there was sincerity. That's why watching his success is not only something to be proud of, but also something deeply emotional.
Yes, he may be walking his own path as an artist. But no matter how high he rises or how many achievements he reaches, he will always be the same person to us.
Because he is not just a solo artist.
He is Enhypen's pride.
He is Enhypen's Heeseung
He will always be Enhypen’s Heeseung ☹️☹️☹️
I will always be his engene ☹️☹️☹️☹️
We will never forget ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️
Even if they forget themselves ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️
They will always be his babies, and he will always be their Heeseung hyung ☹️☹️
And whatever hardship their bond is going through, they will overcome it.
Hey so my blog is officially a mess now (like my heart and mind lol) do you guys want me to organise it again so you have a better overview of everything with tags and everything?
Tbh I’m too drained and exhausted, but if someone tells me to do it then I’ll have the motivation to do it for them because maybe someone will find comfort in my blog, idk I feel like I should sort things out (before leaving? I don’t even know if I wanna leave my mind is a mess like I said)
And for my drafts: I have three “works” left. Multiple scenes from burden of the vow, part of mafia series, and an extremely self projecting Jungwon fic basically about this topic lmao
One by one I’m gathering my energy to release them like I said they’re messy and incomplete, but maybe I’ll finish the Jungwon fic. Idk let’s see if my heart can handle it lol
Idk just let me know what I should do I’m lost I have no direction anymore yeah sounds dramatic to some but idc
Idc that people don’t understand how much I love enhypen. The real Enhypen. Idc that people think I’m a fake fan for missing Heeseung and not being able to accept the sudden changes so fast. I just needed some time okey? I still haven’t listened to his songs because it’s also painful. I wanna listen to him but it hurts it just hurts everything hurts I just want the time back like it used to be. Everything was so sudden so fast it’s making my head spin. And it just hurts that enhypen isn’t giving us the chance to heal idk that fanchant was so healing it would’ve been beautiful to tribute to Heeseung like that eventually as time would pass people would’ve accepted everything slowly but steadily but it seems like enhypen got mad hearing his name idk another explanation doesn’t come to my mind. It seems like they’re hurting too a lot but aren’t accepting that they’re hurt and sad but rather are turning it into anger ? Idk I can’t know it’s just all in my head I wish they would be honest with us so I don’t have to THINK it’s making my head spin but I also understand that they can’t and it’s just so depressing.
I’m sorry for ranting but when I rant like this it’s like I’m sorting my thoughts out.
Idk I just feel deep immense sorrow as if someone important in my life left me. I just wanna stop crying and heal from this pain but it’s not gonna happen. Until July 9th (I can’t believe we have a new “memorable” (let’s call it that) date in the fandom lol) I thought it will happen slowly, that I just need time but Jungwon made it clear that they want us to move on now or leave and I physically can’t move on just like that. It just doesn’t work like that. I know it will damage me even more I can’t even THINK about moving on. My brain just doesn’t go there.
Before July 9th, I thought I’ll just carry this pain of missing Heeseung forever whilst following enhypen and eventually, somewhere in the future, I’ll get used to “Evan” and being an “ever”. Obviously I was hoping he’ll come back. There was still some hope because the moment you lose hope that’s where the real damage begins yk?
And July 9th was that real damage but not only because the hope of Heeseung returning is dead but now also because of the other six members. First, I had a Heeseung shaped hole in my heart and now there are 7.
Please read this. This is a draft, I’m really sorry I couldn’t finish it.
Your finger trembled as you were about to press the doorbell but at the last moment, you pulled your hand away.
Ah! Why am I so nervous??
It’s just Jay. It’s just Jay.
You repeated it in your head to help yourself calm down. But unfortunately, it made your heart race faster.
You took a deep breath. It’s just Jay. A usual date. Nothing scary about that, right?
Wrong.
It’s not a usual date.
Ahhh! I just wanna go home!
You bit the nail on your thumb.
Maybe I should text him that I’m not feeling well?
You took a step back.
Agh, no, he’d get worried and visit me.
You took a step forward.
Then I’ll just tell him that Mom is taking care of me.
You clutched your baby-blue purse and the paper bag containing the self-made kimbap tightly, nodding to yourself.
Yeah, that’s a good plan.
As you took a step backward again, you suddenly collided with a solid chest behind you.
Your eyes widened: “Oh my god! I’m so sorry!”
You hastily turned around but before you had the time to register who you collided into, the door flew open.
“Sunghoon hyung-“
Your head spun towards the door, eyes big and wide, cheeks flushing with blush—you felt like a thief who was caught on act.
The guy in front of you tilted his head to the side, seemingly confused as he scanned the situation unfolding.
“Whooo… are you?”
“Ah- I-I’m—“ great to introduce yourself with a stutter, y/n!
The young man furrowed his eyebrows as his gaze flicked back to the man behind you, who you still didn’t look at, then back to you. Then suddenly, as if a switch had flipped in his mind, his eyebrows shot up and his eyes widened. Feeling a little relieved that he might has recognised you now, you gave him a cute, awkward smile: "I’m—"
Just as you were about to introduce yourself for the second time, the young man’s surprised expression turned into one of annoyance and fury as he cut you off.
"Ma’am, I have to ask you to leave our building complex. What you’re doing is illegal. We could sue you."
S-sue?
Your eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. Did he just call you ma’am? You parted your lips to form any words but were rudely interrupted by the man behind you.
"If you’re not leaving now I’m gonna call the police."
You snapped your head around, only to realize he towered over you, your gaze travelled upward in an comical tilt.
“Police?” Your voice was small whilst your hands started to shake.
The taller man rolled his eyes, “you know what,” he fished his phone out of his pocket, “I’m calling manager-nim, Jungwon. He can deal with this bullshit.”
You whipped your head back to the guy standing at the entrance. Jungwon?
The Jungwon?
"W-wait, I think there’s a big misunderstanding—"
The other boy shoved you roughly to the side to go inside the apartment as he tapped on his phone, “yeah, we don’t really care.”
Ouch, that hurt. You pouted internally.
“I’m here for Jay, I’m his-” you paused. Wait. You’re not Jay’s girlfriend. You only just began to date and were getting to know each other.
Jay and you had met through your cousin. Your cousin worked as a camera-man and went on a trip with Enhypen for a variety show. There, he became close friends with the members, especially with Jay since they both shared the passion of guitars. And one day at a family party, he brought his new friend with him. Completely concealing the fact that his new friend was a celebrity.
Your cousins and other friends often met up, leading Jay to also join your night-outs and dinners. Of course you had liked him at first sight. I mean, just take a look at him. Who wouldn't find him hot? But it didn't take long for you to find out about his occupation and to say that you were intimidated by it wouldn't be a lie.
After seeing him a couple of times with your friend-group, he had one day hit you with a "Hi, it's Jay"-text. His gentleness and kindness made you forget that he was a rich celebrity. So you decided: why not give it a shot?
And it was going great. Jay was so sweet and kind. He was so attentive and brought you thoughtful gifts. He checked up on you during the day and gave his all. You were basically just waiting for him to ask you to become his girlfriend.
Today was supposed to be a big step into your ‘talking stage’. Since he had already met and known your family and friends because of your cousin, it was only fair that you would also meet his friends and his family. The thought of meeting his family made your stomach churn. And not in a good way. So, you agreed on meeting his band mates first.
Well, band mates was a small word for the importance of these guys in Jay’s life.
Naturally, you wanted to do your best to leave a good impression. You dressed up extra nice and even brought some self-made kimbap. It was important to you to be on good terms with Jay’s not-blood-related brothers because you really, really, really liked Jay.
But right now you had a feeling that his bandmates really, really, really disliked you.
Your neck was burning from the embarrassment.
They looked at you as if you were crazy. “I—“
“Yeah, we got it. Jay is the love of your life.” The taller boy rolled his eyes.
Your cheeks heated up in embarrassment. That’s not…
“Listen, Lady. You’re not the first nor the only woman who’s obsessed with him, alright? You should know that he’s not interested in you in any kind of way, got it?” Your heart broke at Jungwon's aggressive words.
This is so humiliating…
So they knew who I was all along? I’m so confused.
Were they this possessive over Jay?
“So, you better leave now, otherwise our manager will call the police.” He slammed the door in front of your face, startling you with the loud noise.
But why would they call the police?
You pouted sadly at the closed door, feeling a genuine heartache. That was not how you imagined tonight.
Then you suddenly heard a loud ruckus from inside.
A loud voice. Sounds like he’s mad. Then two other voices who are answering rather calmly compared to the angry one. A long silence followed. And then the loud angry voice came back to life.
Wow, he’s going nuts.
Oh, sounds like other voices are chiming in.
Oh, oh. The crazy, angry one is definitely about to fight someone. The voice became louder and louder.
Your eyes widened when you heard the footsteps become louder. You quickly stepped away from the door and went to the elevator.
You really wouldn’t have thought that Jay’s friends would be this rude and possessive over him. But you didn’t have any time to dwell on it or to overthink their attitude towards you—you will do that at home, but you couldn’t shake off the feeling that maybe Jay talked badly about you. You felt like absolute shit.
You rapidly needed to leave the apartment block before the manager came or someone came out of the—
The door swinged open with a loud bang, startling you. You hastily pressed the elevator button several times while your heart began to pound faster. You didn’t dare to look at the person who opened the door—you were already humiliated to the ground, you couldn’t bear another round. Thankfully the elevator door opened but just as you were about to step in someone grabbed your shoulder.
You shuddered from the suddenness and, to be frank, you were kinda scared.
“Please, don’t touch me… I’m leaving…” you mumbled timidly as you tried to shove your shoulder away from the touch.
“Y/n, I’m so sorry. There seems to be a big misunderstanding.” Jay’s voice was laced with pure desperation and worry. Your shoulders relaxed instantly when you heard his voice. Thank God it was him and not the other guys.
You bit your lips anxiously and turned around cautiously, while Jay retrieved his hand from your body hesitantly.
When you made eye contact with one another Jay couldn’t help but stare at you in awe. You looked so beautiful in your dress with the flowery pattern and your curled hair. You on the other hand, despite feeling anxious and scared, couldn’t resist to admire how good he looked with his casual outfit and wet hair—assuming he just got out the shower.
The butterflies in your stomach didn’t help your nerves to calm down.
“Hi,” he whispered calmly as he brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. You blushed at the gesture and mumbled back shyly, “hi.”
“I’m so sorry about what happened earlier. My… ehm.. coworkers… yeah, they’re just my colleagues, nothing else… they are really stupid sometimes. I believe they all share one tiny brain cell and it’s really hard to keep everything in order as the oldest. Well, I’m technically not the oldest but it feels like I’m the oldest. The oldest one is not here right now and he’s too chill sometimes and tells me to relax that I shouldn’t be so harsh with them- so yeah it feels like all the responsibility weighs on me… well, kinda… it’s mostly our leader’s responsibility to make sure everything is in order… uh- you just met him. The- the two you met earlier are Jungwon and Sunghoon. Jungwon is the leader so he has to act sometimes a little tough but believe me he’s an angel!”
You tilt your head a little—it was hard to believe that that man was an angel.
“Usually, they’re not that stupid but I have the perfect explanation if you would want to listen to it! Why- why they acted that way. But if you don’t want to it’s completely fine! I would totally understand! No pressure! Ehm-“ he cleared his throat and rubbed his neck awkwardly. His gaze fell on the ground.
You were hurt, to say the least. You had gone through multiple scenarios to prevent yourself from every possible humiliation—stumbling your toe against the table leg, bumping into one of the members, forgetting to lock the bathroom door and a member walking in; you even practiced how you would take off your high heels!—but nothing had prepared you for this kind of scenario.
The way Jay always talked about them—his so called brothers—made you believe that they would welcome you with open arms.
Sure, according to Jay, they’ve gone through a lot together so they could’ve been a little suspicious about your intentions since you’re no idol or anything like that. That’s why you had prepared the kimbap! After all, the way into a man’s heart is through his stomach, right? And of course you didn’t want their hearts, you just wanted their approval. That you’re good enough to date their brother.
That should’ve been easy, right?
You were aware from Jay’s stories that Jungwon had a special place in his heart, so you wanted to get extra close to him. But all your efforts and determination went down the drain.
He opened his mouth to continue his ramble but you cut him off with a rather harsh tone, surprising the both of you.
“Did you tell them to act like that?”
Jay’s head whipped up to look at you but you didn’t make any eye contact with him.
"No—!" He exclaimed in a second, startling you a little.
He noticed and lowered his tone, "I would never do that… why would you think that?" He added in a softer tone, an attempt to soothe you.
You hadn’t even notice the tears forming in your eyes.
"They were so mean to me. I- I just feel really humiliated? I think I should just go home and…maybe we should take a small break… from texting and seeing each other.”
“What?” Jay asked in a small, dreadful voice. “But why…? I didn’t do anything wrong…” his voice became smaller and shocked, almost a whine.
You took a shaky breath: “Can you be honest with me? Did you talk badly about me in front of them…?” You still refused to look him in the eyes, but you needed the reassurance.
You were scared of his answer.
“Baby, no. You got it all wrong, my love.” He took a determined step towards you and carefully placed his hands on your shoulders. “Don’t cry, please. You’re breaking my heart.” He cupped your chin softly to tilt your head towards him and grasped your cheek with his other hand, wiping the tears away.
“I would never talk badly about you, please believe me, angel,“ he spoke softly as his eyes were filled with worry and sincerity.
You didn’t know what it was, maybe his soft touch or gentle words, or maybe the surprising pet-names no one ever called you before him and you had only read in books, or maybe his comforting energy, or the magnetic connection pulling you in. Or maybe it was all of the above.
Whatever it was, you knew that the tiny crush you had on him developed in that very moment into something way deeper and more intimate.
And as he was holding you so gently and wiping your tears like you were his most precious possession, something in you stirred:
This is what love is supposed to look like.
But in that moment, the feeling of confusion and uncertainty overshadowed your newfound adoration for love. You couldn’t help but think about how his friends treated you..
You sniffled: “Then why did they treat me like this? You don’t even know what they said,” the corners of your mouth went down, “they said you’re not interested in me and that I’m not allowed to be here. What did I even do to them?!” The shock and sadness turned into anger.
Jay pulled you in his warm embrace, his lips against your ear as his fingers brushed against the nape of your neck. With warmth and steadiness they threaded through your hair—the tenderness sent a soft shiver down your spine. His touch was firm yet gentle, as if he moved with upmost precision, careful not to overstep the boundaries, although you didn’t even know where you should draw the lines as you felt yourself melt into him.
He murmured into your ear soothingly: "They didn’t know you were you. We have a lot of stalker fans and nowadays the situation with them has become a lot worse so we’re all a lot more cautious than usually", I shouldn’t even be doing this right now, he scolded himself internally but couldn’t bear to let go of you, "and these idiots thought you’re another sasaeng. And it’s also kinda my fault because I didn’t tell anyone that you’re coming over, I just told them I have a guest coming when they asked for the food I was making. I should’ve told them it was you who was coming, so they would’ve been prepared. I’m so sorry for everything.“
Your pout still didn’t fade away as you mumbled quietly against his neck: “They were real assholes…” Jay patted your back to comfort you, “I know… I know… I’ll tell them to never speak like that with you again, alright?”,
“you’ll scold them real good?”
He felt his heart clench in endearment, “of course, princess. I already… ehm talked with them when I realised what had happened. I was taking a shower when you messaged me and as soon as I saw it I went to the door but those dumbasses had already slammed the door on you and were talking about some sasaeng. That’s when it clicked.”
“Oh, so it was you who was yelling. I didn’t recognise your voice, I have never heard you angry before.”
Jay chuckled awkwardly in response as he leaned back, leaving you cold in an instant, “yeah, these guys spike up my blood pressure sometimes.”
“Feeling better now?” His hands were stiffly glued on your back, like he was afraid to accidentally touch you somewhere you were uncomfortable with.
You nodded shyly at his concerned look, “a little bit.”
“Do you wanna go?”
You nodded again. Jay smiled softly at you in response. He reached for your hand and gave it a comforting squeeze.
“Oh-“
“Where are you go-…?”
You both looked at each other in confusion.
With your hand intertwined you had gone to different directions. You had pulled him towards the elevator and Jay had taken a step towards their dorm door.
You gave Jay a flustered look: “Whe-where are you going?”
“To the dorms…? Where did you think we’re going?”
“I thought you meant we’re going out! I don’t wanna go in there!” You withdrew your hand from his, leaving him yearning for your warmth, but he clenched his fist tightly at his side.
“Y/n, I promise there’s nothing to worry about. I told them to stay in their rooms so we can eat dinner alone and then we can go to my room, no one will disturb us there. Trust me. Besides, half of them are not even here.”
The thought of being alone with him in his room made you blush and nervous at the same time. You have never been alone in a room with him. Another reason not to go in there!
Jay, noticing your reluctance, made his best pleading expression: “Please, I made your favourite! You’re probably hungry, right?”
You shook your head in denial, okey, a lie—then your stomach growled.
Jay smirked in amusement, “no? Not even when I tell you I made this creamy chicken pasta you were craving the other day?” Again, you quickly shook your head childishly.
“And for dessert I made the chocolate cake. I used the recipe you sent me yesterday.” He gave you a teasing wink. You licked your lips,
“The one with the melted chocolate inside?”
“Exactly that one.” He reassured you, his eyes glistening with fondness.
You gulped.
“With vanilla ice cream?” You tilted your head slightly.
Jay copied the tilt, “with vanilla ice cream.”
“Okey, but I don’t wanna see them. I just wanna be with you,“ you compromised with reluctance as you were really scared of another encounter with them.
You two went to the door of the dorms. Jay noticed how you nibbled on your thumb due to the nervousness, thus, he reached out for your hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. He smiled at you softly: “Don’t worry. They’ll love you. They were nagging me to introduce you to them. They even teased me of being delusional about you, telling me you don’t exist." You laughed a little, Jay’s heart felt lighter at the sound.
Squeezing your hand one more time, he unlocked the door.
You nervously scanned the entrance and quickly realized that it was quiet for a dorm of seven people. After taking off your shoes, Jay guided you to his room.
“Wow!” You exclaimed in astonishment as you examined Jay’s guitars in his room. “You have a nice collection!” Jay chuckled slightly, “these are only a couple of what I own, the rest of my guitars are in my studio.”
“That’s so cool,” you commented, further looking around in his room. “Oh, what’s this?” A tiny black gift box caught your eyes lying on his tidy desk.
You didn’t want to be nosy but curiosity got the better of you.
“Uh- it’s nothing,” Jay stammered nervously.
“Let’s eat now!” He quickly changed the subject.
You really didn’t want to be nosy, but his reaction was definitely suspicious. And just like that, the insecurities stirred up. You didn't notice how your thoughts drifted off — maybe there’s another woman.
“Yn?” Jay looked back when he noticed you weren’t following. “Come, dinner is waiting.”
You anxiously looked around.
“What’s wrong?” Jay asked as he pulled the chair out for you to take a seat.
“Ehm- nothing.” Of course you were lying. The altercation before had mildly disturbed you. Okey definitely more than mildly, but you weren’t going to tell Jay that his friends had intimidated you.
You had a great time. You were laughing as you ate, he told you funny stories from his childhood, the candlelight made you all fuzzy and warm.
“I’m really sorry for earlier,” Jay started, his cheeks glimmering with a hue of pink, “I really didn’t know that their plans were cancelled, I thought I’d be alone today. It was already too late to change our plans when I found out that they’re at home, otherwise I would’ve planned something else. I told them to at least stay in their rooms.”
“It’s okey! I really enjoyed spending time with you.” You awkwardly brushed your hair behind your ear, your face glowing. You were still embarrassed by the weird situation earlier — ugh, you were so awkward and weird when you talked to them…
Jay smiled, relief lightened the weight on his shoulders, “I’m glad.”
“I’ll just quickly get my stuff, I’ll be right back!” He announced. “No, Jay, it’s fine! I’ll take the bus!” You quickly stood up from the couch. Jay shook his head, determined, “nope, nope, I already felt bad that I couldn’t pick you up, I’ll definitely won’t allow you to get back on your own.”
Before you could say anything he already went to his room, leaving you alone in the living space. You looked around, now you could take a better look. You took a step forward, admiring their awards. When you heard footsteps, you spoke up, “are these all of your awards-?” You stopped when you turned your head around.
——
So where I was heading with this is that Jungwon and sunghoon will come up to her and be sorry and then they’ll tell her that they thought she’s a sasaeng because she looked so pretty (like I imagine sasaeng dressing up prettily so they can impress the members yk?). then she blushes and Jay gets jealous and protective and tells them to get out and yeah then Jay and reader kiss when he brings her back home and he asks her to be his official gf and gifts her a necklace (the box she saw in his room). After that Yn and the others become really close, especially Jungwon and her, and Jay gets kinda jealous that her attention is on him
And yeah this was written a long time ago, my heart kinda broke when I just reread this and saw I mentioned Heeseung as the eldest and stuff and you know the dorm for 7 people yeahhhhh I’m on the verge of crying especially after Jay said we are 6 at the concert today yeahhhhh it doesn’t hurt at all 🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️ nope 🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️ I have always loved only 6 people and not 7 🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️ going from 7 to 6 never happened they were always 6 to begin with 🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️ idek why I wrote 7 here back then 🤨🤨🤨🧐🧐🧐🧐 was I hallucinating??? 🧐🧐🧐 it’s seems like I was 🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️ sorry my baddddd a 7th person never existed 🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️ oopsieeee 😝😝😝😝
I wish I could give you a big and tight hug... Maybe because I feel like a lot of us need it. I like to think that whatever this is we're all feeling right now that we can't even comprehend ourselves is simply a proof of how much we have loved. There is nothing wrong with it, nor does it make us less or worse than what we are. After all, at the end of the day, we're all humans. It's a simple fact that's often forgotten a lot. I hope you're doing well ♡ please take care of yourself. My sentiments extend to everyone who needs it.
With all the love,
🔗
☹️☹️☹️ thanks this helps me so much to stay grounded… it’s so comforting to hear that I’m not overreacting
“There’s nothing wrong with it” I keep chanting this in my head it’s so messed up how enhypen and ot6 fans made us feel like we’re the ones who are toxic and weird 😔😔😔😔
I just came across a TikTok where someone said that they have to quit being an engene and the comments were so rude and heartless :( saying stuff like “don’t be dramatic” “bye bye” and worst was “Jungwon cleaned up the fandom” “thanks for Jungwon for clearing fake fans” “you just proved Jungwon’s point”
wtf I will literally start sobbing NOW
I’m not the one who’s being weird :(( they’re all acting like Heeseung didn’t mean anything to them like he’s some valueless dude who didn’t contribute so much to what enhypen is now
And HE IS NOT EVEN MY BIAS
It really really really feels like I’m being punished for loving all 7 of them.
Like you said, we’re also human beings with real feelings :(
It hurts so much that apparently according to Jungwon all 6 of them think the same I really can’t comprehend this :(
His warm eyes turned into worried ones when he turned around and saw her sad pout. “Yes, baby. What’s wrong?”
Her arms shot up in demand. He pulled her tiny body into his embrace, still seated on the practice floor, where he had been taking a break, and settled her in his lap.
“Dada.” She repeated, her pouty little lips turned upside down.
“Hm?” He hummed softly, a thumb rubbing her cherubic cheek. “What’s wrong? Why’s my princess sad?”
Her lips continued to wobble, her eyes filled with tears. But she wasn’t breaking down yet.
“Hungry?”
Her tiny head shook a ‘no’. Her lower lip pushed further into a heartbreaking pout.
“Is my baby tired?”
She shook her head again.
He kissed her tiny button nose. “Miss mama?”
No. She answered again by shaking her head.
“Right? You’re a big girl now. Mama will come soon and then we’ll have a big meal with her, right?”
She nodded. For a split second, he thought that’s it. She’s just missing her mama. But then her tiny, chunky body fell into his body, her head nestled into the crook of neck.
His eyebrows furrowed in worry. She looked so sad. So heartbroken. He was getting worried.
“Then why are you so sad, baby?” His hand stroke her hair as he pressed a kiss on her forehead.
“Dada, unwle?” She mumbled in her baby language. Nonetheless, Jake understood her, he always did.
“Baby, they’re just taking a break. They’re gonna come back in any minute.”
Just on cue, the door to the practice room opened. Jaein’s tiny head shot up from her daddy’s shoulder where she had been resting—completely fallen into melancholy.
Sunoo appeared with a big smile, his eyes creased from excitement. “Look what I got you, baby Jaein!” He pulled her favorite snack out of his pocket.
But she just shook her head and slumped back into her daddy’s arms.
Sunoo squinted his eyes, “what’s wrong with her?”
Jake shrugged his shoulders softly, cautious not to disturb her. “I think she’s just tired.”
Which didn’t make any sense. She had just taken a nap. She had also had her meal. Her mommy came in quickly before, where Jaein had made it clear that she wanted to stay with her daddy and uncles.
What could be wrong now?
Worriedly, he rested his hand on her forehead. She doesn’t have a fever.
The next two members came in. Her tiny head shot up again. Hopeful, big eyes glanced at them.
Jay and Jungwon.
Jake smiled softly, “ah… you just missed your uncles? Look they’re here.” He kissed the side of her head as she was still glancing at the two members.
Jay heard it and noticed her look immediately. “Did my niece miss me?” He cooed as he crouched down, wanting to scoop her in his arms. His eyes sparkled nothing but pure warmth and love for his baby niece.
Her round, big eyes looked at him for few seconds. As if she was debating whether to stay sad in the warm cocoon of her daddy’s embrace or to enjoy some fun with her uncle.
But then—as if she remembered something—she hid her face in Jake’s neck. Her tiny arms wrapped around his neck as she shook her head.
Jay’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, “eng?”
Sunghoon entered the practice room with a loud, uncle-like groan, clapping his hands dramatically. “Cha! Let’s start practice again, guys. Break time is over!”
However, his loud voice surprised the little baby. She flinched in Jake’s arms, her chubby hands curled into his hoodie. Her sad pout trembled as she whimpered quietly. But still not full on crying.
Jake’s arms tightened protectively around her.
“Hyung! You startled Jaein!” Sunoo hissed quietly in annoyance.
“Oh- sorry, Jaein.” Sunghoon whispered. He went to her and soothingly rubbed her squishy cheek. She looked at him, breaking his heart when he saw her teary eyes.
“What’s wrong? Is she hurt?” He immediately asked, his tone cautious now.
Jake shook his head. “I think she was just sad because you guys weren’t here. She asked for her uncles. Right, baby?” He whispered softly in her ear, followed by a gentle kiss on the shell of her tiny, soft ear.
The four members cooed in unison.
“You just missed your uncles. But look. Now they’re here again. Hm? You can play with them now.” But her face stayed buried in the crook of his neck.
Sunghoon’s heart clenched painfully as he stood up. “She looks so… sad.”
Jake rubbed her tiny back. “Maybe she misses Niki?” After all, Niki was her favorite uncle. Even if the member acted as if they denied it, deep down everyone knew Niki always took care of Jaein the most and that Jaein always went to him first.
Speaking of the devil, Niki entered the room. “I’m back.” He announced.
“Ya, Niki!” Jay spoke, “your niece is missing you.”
An immediate smile spread on the youngest’s face. “Ey~ my baby missed me?” He chuckled happily.
He crouched down beside her, big palms inviting her to be picked up.
She peeked curiously out of her comfort hideout. “Hm?” He smiled softly.
Jake let out a soft breath he didn’t know he was holding when she untangled herself from her daddy to be picked up by her favourite uncle.
“Yess~~” Niki cheered, “that’s right, my precious, cutie pie niece missed me.” Both boys stood up from the ground now. Niki bounced the little girl in his hold, happy to be the chosen one.
But his smile vanished rather quickly when he noticed that she was still on the verge of crying.
“Baby?” He whispered. A pout formed on his own face. “She still looks so sad, hyung.”
“What could be wrong?” Jungwon tilted his head, wrecking his brain to find a reason.
Then she turned to her daddy again. As if she changed her mind, her baby arms reached out for him. “Dada.”
Jake nestled her in his arms again. “I’m here, baby.” He soothingly patted her back.
“Dada, unwle?” She said with a trembling voice.
“They’re all here, baby. Look.” He turned her towards the members so that she could see everyone.
He was so confused. What’s with her?
Suddenly, she wiggled her body to signal to him that she didn’t want to be held anymore. He gently set her down.
With wobbly legs, she hastily ran towards the other side of the practice room.
Eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he watched her determinedly walk to where various equipments of the members were.
His heart dropped in his stomach when she reached the piano.
Oh.
Jaein patted the piano bench repeatedly with her little chunky, dimpled hand.
“Dada.”
Instantly, tears welled up in Jake’s eyes.
“Oh.” Niki let out a whisper. His hands formed into tight fists.
Her tiny pout trembled as she continued to pat the bench.
“Dada. Unwle.”
A painful lump formed in Jay’s throat as the word stabbed right into his heart.
Jungwon looked at the ground shamefully to hide his teary eyes.
The crease between Sunghoon’s eyebrows deepened as he painfully realized what she meant.
“Dada, unwle.”
A sob escaped Sunoo’s mouth. He didn’t mean to. But the sight broke him into million pieces.
The memory of Jaein sitting there beside him. Settling her in his lap to teach her some notes. Playing soft lullabies for her whenever she got tired and was about to fall asleep.
She didn’t forget. She remembered. She noticed that he was missing.
The hollow, dark pit in Jake’s stomach spread out through his whole body.
With trembling hands, he went to his babygirl and scooped her up.
It’s only when she saw her daddy’s sad face, she broke out in tears.
His arms were wrapped tightly around her small body.
She didn’t deserve this. She was too small. Too fragile.
He wanted to protect her from the sorrow. Act as if nothing had changed.
He wouldn’t have thought she would notice it immediately.
He wouldn’t have thought she would be this sad.
“It’s okey, it’s okey.” He hid her teary, wet face in his neck. Her whole tiny body trembled in his arms as she sobbed and sobbed.
“Dada, unwle!” She cried and cried.
And he didn’t understand why she was crying so much.
“Baby. Why are you crying?” He tried to speak firmly, but his voice betrayed him with a crack.
“Unwle! Unwle! Unwle!” She screamed, her cries never stopping.
“Baby.” He tried again. His arms tightened even more.
His hand patted her back, trying to soothe. “Shh… it’s okey. It’s okey.” He whispered as he planted a kiss on her head.
Why is she so sad? She has so many other uncles.
“You have so many uncles, baby.” He whispered. But his heart tightened.
He blinked his eyes repeatedly. The hot tears and the knot in his throat annoyed him so much.
Why am I so sad? I still have so many other brothers.
“You have me, baby.” He added. “Hm? Dada is not going anywhere.”
He rested his cheek on her head. The soothing motion on her trembling back never stopped.
I still have her.
He couldn’t speak anymore. The pain in his throat was hurting too much.
So he just continued to hold her tightly and pat her tiny back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I miss him so much. I know he’s not dead but it’s the fact that enhypen will never be the same that’s making me miss enhypen sm. Everything happened so suddenly and unexpectedly. It will definitely take a while to accept the situation. I’m still in denial.
hi baby :(( i'm literally the same with you. i'm an engene since 2025 dec and these past months were the most happiest days of my life, they've made me feel so happy and safe. i'm forever grateful for the time i had with them. maybe thats the reason why i can't move on? idk. i don't want this ot6 shit and ever shit i just want my enhypen back and its hurts so fucking much. i was a directioner too and an exo-l i should've been used to this kind of stuff but its enhypen yk? they were truly my family. but i felt "scolded" after jungwon's words for fighting my family to not fall apart and idk... i just felt... empty. there is nothing wrong with fell out of interest with something you loved so dearly please don't ever feel guilty or anything. i loved your work, thank you for your hard work in every single one of your stories. i don't know if you're gonna see this but take care of yourself please, sending big hugs to you ☹️❤️🫂
My Shayla :( ❤️❤️
Yep it’s been a crazy up and down I really have no words left ❤️ thank you for sharing your thoughts ❤️
I love you a lots even if we’re not loved by our own enhypen anymore we always have each other ❤️❤️
For me I felt like I got scolded by Jay back then in his live. I never imagined him to talk like this with his fans but ig I also tried to forget about my feelings but yeah I think after Jungwon’s live many engenes can now understand how I felt with Jay back then 😭💔 or even Jungwon’s first time where he said he’s not having a hard time I laughter cried back then because I was so shocked wdym you’re not having a hard time when my whole world fell apart?? 😭
But thank you for letting me know that you loved my work. ❤️❤️ I really appreciate everyone who enjoyed my writing even if I could’ve been a better writer ❤️
Ive been readings your fics for a few months now since i started using tumblr, and your writing is phenomenal, you’re a strong writer and reading your works have been amazing. I’m sad to see you go, but honestly, you and I and I’m sure many others share the same feelings. Ever since March 10, this fandom has turned into hell, literally. And after jungwons live, I also just don’t have the motivation to be here in a place that has turned toxic, a place that has made many of us feel unwelcome, and a place where everyone just seems to be able to move on easily and forget 6 years of history. :( It actually just shows how many fans are just truly solos, caring only about their bias. it’s easier said than done, because ill always want to keep up with their updates and know what they’re doing, performances, comebacks, etc, but it won’t be the same. I don’t want to hate jungwon or the other 5 members, but honestly his words hurt so much and it felt like a stab to the heart…calling us fake fans and such. All we wanted was just them to be together again, to answer our questions…to explain the things that don’t make sense, such as why they can’t even interact or mention eachother? Why after two days after heeseungs announcement did they just move on and pretended like nothing happened? I honestly just don’t know where I belong as an ot7 who feels unwelcome in enhypen’s and heeseungs fandom. I feel bad for saying this, but I can’t help but feeling a bit resentful towards jungwon and the other five…I know not all of it was their fault…but Heeseung receiving so many threats and hate and them just telling us to move on as if it were easy? How are we supposed to accept the inhumanity and unfairness that’s been happening and act like nothing happened? I just seriously can’t. I send many hugs to you and other people who feel the same way. 🫂 Thank you for sharing your works with us, they have been amazing to read, and I hope from here we all can be able to feel some sort of peace from all of this. Thank you so much once again :,).
I also genuinely feel sad that I can’t write anymore. Enhypen were my muse there’s no way on earth I can continue writing without them in it, but yeah just like you said I’m not welcomed here by the own members.
Tbh your words are just making me so incredibly sad that everything escalated like that. Everything is starting to affect my physical health I can’t believe that I was having such an insane headache for one whole day.
But I will try to look at the positive side that there are many engenes who are feeling the same. These engenes truly have a special place in my heart. Other than that I can’t think any further because I feel like my guts are decaying the more I think about it.
Please don’t feel sad. I am here for you. It’s not like you hate mr, but usually I’m so scared because of ot6 If you don’t agree with them, they start hating you. my love, I don’t care about writing. I care about you so much. I just want you to feel better i understand with you so much because it’s same with me. I have been crying so much and I feel so stupid, if you don’t want to leave, just leave it on God, whatever will happen will happen okay we have no control, but we have to love ourselves also right? So think this is for little while and in future things will get better like in the sense that pain will actually will less right so for now, just focus on you and probably enjoy the past era and don’t think about that he left. Do it. I tried to use Tumblr because most of the account here have not excluded him so I just enjoy it the writing it helps that in some world he is still together with them
to be honest, it feels so stupid because I am just like you. I have been crying for four months.😭
Lmao I’m also scared of getting hate we’re truly the same person but idk when I made that hate post I was so angry I was like I don’t even care anymore if someone hates me for this lmao but I just saw that I lost a lot of followers but yeahhhh my bad ig 😭 I reread my post just now (I privated it) and it honesty made me giggle. I really thought I was speaking from a clear point of view but no I was just filled with anger and I realized, now because of you, that I was only angry because they hurt me immensely (once again).
I do feel a LOT better now thank you so so so so much I will always forever be indebted to you. You really saved me from my physical health getting worse I really have no words to describe what a great person you must be that you saw me getting angry and hating but you still reached out to me and believed that this is not who I am ❤️ and tbh maybe this is happening to enhypen too who knows I really hope they have someone who will ground them …
Maybe I’ll try what you suggested but I do already feel a lot lighter in my heart. Because at first I felt so lonely, like I knew that there were some people who were down like me but in my mind I thought we’re the minority. But now after the two concerts, it really healed something in me. It showed me that after all we are still united. And even after Jungwon’s live, there are many people who are saying I’d rather be a fake fan than ot6 and it really helps me to understand that I’m not crazy for feeling for all of this.
I posted a message on weverse just now, basically telling them what you told me, I tried to copy the way you grounded me and obviously I received so much hate from ot6 people but yeah I don’t care anymore. But it still made me sad that Jungwon thinks that we are the ones who are always starting a fight :( but I will not think about it anymore.
Okey wow 🕯️ anon your message helped me so much because like I said I thought I was angry and hated them, but I was having a headache the whole time and then when your message grounded me, and I accepted that I’m hurt and sad and that I miss them, and now my headache is suddenly gone and my blood pressure is normal again.
Wow I really wanna thank you you really helped me otherwise my headache and my blood pressure would’ve gotten really bad thank you some much.
But now I feel like enhypen doesn’t have anyone who’s grounding them and that they’re not allowing themselves to be sad ugh I feel bad for them 🫠 it’s really embarrassing to still love and care for someone who doesn’t want you 🫠🫠 but here I am 🫠🫠
I think this what people mean when they say they’re ot7 for life
I will never stop caring for them no matter how much they hurt me and don’t want me 🫠
🕯️ you thought me a lot today thank you so much ❤️
Idk I feel like Heeseung was genuinely their anchor in life as the eldest. I always perceived him as the one they could always lean on. Yeah Jungwon is the leader who makes decision, talks for them, and leads but I think Heeseung was truly their anchor. Someone who grounded them, who they could always lean on, ask for advice etc.
And I think now that he’s gone, they’re just as confused as we are. I truly truly don’t recognise them anymore and I think it’s because they’re just as lost as we are. They’re having some sort of an identity crisis and I feel truly bad for them. I hope they will come to their senses again but idk anymore I’ll just have to let them do whatever they wanna do even if it’s painful, I mean they would not listen to us anyways..
I am the same anon that send the previous message🕯️I was scared you will hate me😭 incase you don’t agree with me but yes tbh I am happy your angry is gone it’s first step but I would be honest I have been crying a lot like everyday that’s why when I saw announcement my first though was you cause I saw you in same pain as me. And one I could see why it’s happening like that. Even idk what to do yk cause Jay was my bias so I can’t leave him but after whole situation I also had a soft heart for Hee to the point I want to protect him. So just like that I even don’t know and I felt so stupid crying and knowing I am just not welcomed anymore and my emotions are something bad when I know I held no bad intention for members when I just love that all and wasn’t ready to leave them I am sure you also feel same but at same time it’s hard to move on so I am not forcing I am trying to talk about it a lot and lot other let me force when is right time to move
I think kpop fans are stupid because just like you, I was One Direction fan, but even after everything like 10 years later when the group has been on high, I never felt that much uninvited even then left. The situation was much cruel. Then it was for his. He had more control and he left abruptly, but he didn’t had any control. The company did it for it, but still fans were so mean to him, but unlike in one direction, I never felt that you will be hated if you loved or was stuck on their previous eras. Yeah it’s was just so bad I wish other understood why it was hard to move. But we can’t force other to understand we just loved with everything right? But we should also give that love to ourselves too and be much kinder to us let keep us first tbh for me, my escape were your writings maybe try to watch some drama and write about them or something else, don’t let it harm yourself you deserve this love
you are Enha fan and I am yours so I care about you I don’t want anyone hating you. Don’t be bad you are good. So let karma hit all those who made us cry.
I am sending you my every hug
No why would I hate you :( I thought I hated enhypen but I don’t I just miss them it hurts so much to be told that you’re not welcome here anymore I thought I feel resentment but no I’m just so fucking sad I’m literally crying rn lmao I’m so pathetic to be crying over men who don’t even want me
And I don’t want to leave this place :(((( I don’t want to leave like Jungwon is telling me I don’t want to I don’t want to
Ugh I feel so bad now that my writings were your escape I’m so sorry I’m so so so sorry but what can I do ? My escape was enhypen but now it’s gone just like that it’s gone it’s gone anon it’s gone fuckkkkkkk it’s fucking gone 😂😂😂😂😂😂
I’m putting these laughing emojis but I’m actually sobbing I can’t do this anymore
I tried to distract myself with various things but everyday there’s something new with enhypen I just feel so lost
I wonder how the boys are really doing because like I said these are NOT the boys I know. The enhypen I know they don’t act this way and now I don’t even recognise them anymore and I’m so lost I just can’t do this anymore
Sending you a hug after wo statement today don’t feel bad it’s not you we just really love them too much to move on, your pain and everything is valid I know how much you need this hug, I hope in some other world it might be different
🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂
-🕯️
Hi boo honestly I could just start crying right now
You sent me this ask before I had even posted anything yesterday and it made me cry that someone immediately thought of me after the explosion that happened yesterday
Idk I just feel a dark heaviness in my chest I really don’t want to cry anymore I’m just so lost ig
Ig maybe in another universe we are still engenes to enhypen. All 7 of them
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