Sometimes I have some of their phrases in my head like 진짜 (jinjja) and I mean it would sound more natural than “really??” If a member were to say it in the fic. Like imagine Niki saying 진짜?? instead of really?? it does give a different vibe, doesn’t it?
Korean expressions in the fics yey or nah
Yes I imagine the members saying it you can put it in the fics, it’s not cringey
No I cringe reading it
For yhj
Voting ended onMay 25
Btw I think I’m gonna use it anyways but I’m just curious about what you guys think
Heeseung as a tired boyfriend is upsetting you more than you realise.
Heeseung x gf!reader — angstish with a lot of comfort because we need it
I got inspired from that one Spotify interview where they played desire or deny and when they were asked about ‘a stroll under the full moon’ Heeseung answered with deny, saying “girls… I gotta go to sleep.” He was so cheeky and cute 😆
Only his soft snores alongside the noise from the movie you had been watching together filled the room.
You slightly lifted your head from his chest, careful not to startle him. His hand which was previously buried in your hair and massaged your head had slipped off. “Baby?” You called out for him softly.
His snores continued, chest rising and falling in a rhythmic pattern under your hand. Leaning forward, you placed a soft kiss on his jaw. No response. You tried again by kissing the corner of his jaw, right next to his ear where you knew he was sensitive. He grunted and buried his face in his hoodie, still completely knocked out. You bit your lip to suppress a chuckle, kissing along his neck and jaw. “Baby~” you kissed his cheek, “wake up, my love. You can’t sleep here, baby.” Now you were trailing your kisses to his chin and nose, purposefully missing out on his soft, kissable lips.
His eyes fluttered, he looked at you with a dazed vision. “Hm?” Heavy eyes met yours.
"Baby, you can't sleep here, my love." You rubbed your nose against his. He didn't respond right away. His hand buried in your hair again and pulled you closer to him. You gasped softly, the strenght in your arms giving out. You fell right on his body, now completely sprawled over him. His cheek rubbed on your forehead as he pressed your face into the crook of his neck which was covered by his hoodie.
"You woke me up." He complained with a rough voice, softness seeping through when he wrapped his other arm tighter around your waist.
"I'm sorry, bambi." You kissed his hamster like cheek, the nickname you gave him melted his heart everytime. "I wish I could carry you to bed, but you're too heavy for me." Heeseung chuckled under his breath, eyelids fighting against sleep. "That would be weird...", he murmured, exhaustion never vanishing from his voice.
"I don't like to be woken up," he started lazily, "but if it's you waking me up with kisses like this..." he pulled you further into his embrace, "then it’s okey."
You looked up, cheeks flushed due to warmth of candles and the fireplace breathing through your apartment. His heart fluttered at the sight. Softness bloomed through his veins, his eyes, though still heavy with drowsiness, now shimmered with fondness and affection.
You kissed his chin, "I'm glad you're giving your girlfriend this privilige," you giggled. His eyes softened even more. "Always,” he whispered more to himself than to you.
"Let's go to-" you yelped when Heeseung pulled you back to him as you were about to lift yourself up from his body.
"Hee-" You were cut off by a kiss on your lips. You sighed softly, his hand tilting your head so he could aim your soft lips accurately. Your body melted into his all over again.
“You forgot to kiss me here.” He mumbled against your lips, eyes twinkling mischievously.
The warm glow across your cheeks deepened. “You’re so annoying,” you whispered back, ears getting hot and lips brushing his. “Let’s get ready for bed, silly.”
In bed, your head rested on Heeseung’s chest, now clothed in pyjamas and not his hoodie and sweatpants anymore. The comfortable and warm weight of your body on his soothed him steadily to sleep.
And when it suddenly disappeared, he groggily stirred awake. “Where you goin’?” His hand lazily reached out for you though you already had slipped away from his reach.
“I’m just getting a glass of water, baby,” you whispered, leaning down to press a kiss on the arch of his eyebrow. “Go back to sleep.”
He responded with a gibberish “hurry up” before his consciousness slowly slipped away. Even though he looked dead to the world, his subconscious was still alert to every sound from you. The footsteps tapping down the stairs, the light switch clicking, the cabinet door closing.
But then there was absolute silence.
A frown appeared on Heeseung’s face. He was still way too gone to actually wake up, but his instincts couldn’t ignore your ongoing absence. Unconsciously, he purred into his pillow in distress, his face burying in it as his arm stretched towards your side of the bed.
Suddenly, hurried footsteps echoed through the house. You ripped the door open, but your boyfriend was now fast asleep.
“Oh my god! Heeseung! Wake up! You gotta see this!” You began as you crawled on the bed towards him. You shook him gently by his shoulders.
He grunted, face burying even further into his pillow.
“Baby, baby! Wake up!”
“Hm.”
“Baby, please~” You tried to lift him up, of course it was an unnecessary attempt — he didn’t budge one bit.
“Heeseung! You’re not gonna believe it! It’s snowing outside!”
“Hm?”
“It’s snowing!”
“M-hm.” He grunted in fake acknowledgment.
“Baby, please, you need to see it! It looks so beautiful!” You laid on top of him as you nestled your head next to his. “Please, please, please.”
“Mhmmm…” he grunted again, almost inaudible this time.
“Please~!” Your hands cupped his face. “Baby, please, wake up.” You pouted. Genuine hurt cracked through your voice. How could you enjoy the first snowfall of the year without your boyfriend? “You have to watch it with me…”
A quiet, frustrated whimper elicited from your throat. Defeated, you rested your head on his chest.
He was way too exhausted. He worked so much and so hard. There was no chance he would wake up after the back to back concerts he just had. For some reason, it brought tears to your eyes.
“Stupid boyfriend…” you pouted quietly, childishly, as you rubbed your face into his chest like a cat.
And somehow, his eyes fluttered open. “Hm?”
You were too lost in your tears, wetting his pyjama shirt and softly sniffling that you didn’t notice him stirring awake.
His hand flew up to your head in worry. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying, pretty?” His voice was deep and rough.
You gasped, head shooting up, “you woke up! Oh my god, Heeseung! You won’t believe this! It’s snowing outside!”
He blinked for a moment. Then a low chuckle escaped him, clearly taken by surprise, “yeah? That’s why you’re crying?” He gently pushed your hair behind your ear. His thumb swiped at the corner of your eye. You shook your head, but the stubborn tears managed to fill your eyes yet again.
“Then why is my big girl crying? Hm?”
“I- I don’t know.” You felt so silly. He’d definitely laugh at you if you told him.
He didn’t say anything at first. Just continued to stroke your cheekbone as he gazed at you with the softest eyes.
“You thought I died or something?”
You gasped a wet laugh. “What? No!” You slapped his chest.
A lazy smile spread across his face. Suddenly, he sat up and leaned against the headboard. He pulled you on his lap and cradled your head against his chest. His naked chest was peeking out of his unbuttoned shirt as he wrapped his arms around you trying to shield you from the cold world. Or anything that was making you cry. He pressed a kiss on your forehead and started rocking you slowly as if you were his baby.
“You said it’s snowing?” He asked after a while. He always talked to you very softly and cautiously, but whenever you were crying and vulnerable he became even more gentle. As if he was afraid you would break if he wasn’t careful enough.
You nodded frequently against his chest, doe and shimmery eyes glancing at him.
“Yeah?” He chuckled under his breath. He couldn’t help but find you so cute, so adorable at this moment. His heart squeezed in adoration. His hand cupped your soft cheek, stroking it gently.
For a while, he just gazed at you softly, taking his time to caress you and soak you in. He pressed a kiss on your forehead. Your eyes fluttered at his soft lips loving you, his kiss lingering on your skin even after he separated.
“You wanna watch the snowfall?” His voice was tender, as if he knew what and what not to say when you’re all vulnerable in his arms.
“Oh, yes!! Please, please, please!!” You nodded eagerly and quickly stood up. You took his hand to drag him towards the door and basically pulled him out of the sheets.
You were determined to share the most beautiful sight with the love of your life.
“Wait-“ he halted, tugging you back, his hair messy in the cutest and sleepiest way, “wait. Where are you going? Baby-“ he was so amused by your antics, “we have a window here, pretty.”
“Oh- No! We have to go downstairs, the view from the living room is a lot better!” You pulled him with you without any hesitation. His big and firmer hand wrapped around your smaller, soft one. His heart swelled up. He didn’t dare to protest, you were just the cutest being so he let you lead him to wherever your heart desired.
You gasped dramatically once you stood in front of the window. “Look at the view, Seungie!” You let go of his warm hand and pushed the curtains away to show him more of the view.
“Isn’t it so beautiful??” You awed with bright, sparkling eyes, hands on the cool glass as you watched the snowflakes dancing in the air.
Heeseung leaned against the big window, arms crossed as he hummed. His sleepy, sluggish demeanour was a huge contrast to your excited, giddy one. He sighed heavily, his head resting on the glass as the coolness seeped into his skin.
You whipped your head at him, “it’s so beautiful, isn’t it??” You tried again after he didn’t give an answer. He nodded lazily, barely managing to keep his eyes open. His eyes shifted to you, lingering on your bare arms and the way your body was trembling almost unnoticeably. But never unnoticed by him.
A disappointed, accusatory frown appeared on your face, “you’re not even looking, baby.”
A yawn escaped from his mouth as he lazily stretched his arms. He then pulled you into his embrace. His head rested comfortably on your shoulder as his arms wrapped around around your waist. Your hands automatically rested on his firm forearms. He pressed a soft kiss on your shoulder before rubbing his face against it, his movements were sluggish and lazy.
“ ‘m lookin” he mumbled against the crook of your neck. He looked up and kissed your cheek, arms tightening around you. One hand rubbed your chilled, naked arm, “ ‘s pretty”. He lingered a kiss on your neck. “So pretty,” he repeated before he rested his chin on your shoulder, his face half buried in your hair and neck.
You giggled excitedly, “I know!! The snow is soooo pretty.”
Heeseung chuckled under his breath and pressed himself further against your back, wrapping you even tighter in his arms.
“Really pretty,” he hummed.
He definitely wasn’t talking about the view. Matter of fact, when he had you in his arms like this, he couldn’t care less about some snow.
You let out an existed gasp, an idea striking you. You turned in his embrace. “Babe! Let’s go outside! The snow is still untouched, oh my god- this will be so fun!”
His eyebrows raised in surprised, “huh?”
“Please, please, please! A snowfall during the night is the best thing to experience!! You gotta trust me on this one!” Suddenly, you unwrapped yourself from his arms. You already made up your mind that you were going out with your boyfriend. At midnight. In the cold.
“Wait-“ his hand caught you before you were out of reach. “Baby-“ he chuckled softly, tired eyes flickering with amusement. “We can’t go outside- it’s midnight, baby.” His other hand wrapped around your waist.
“But that’s the point! You have to experience the first snowfall of the year outside. And during night it’s even more beautiful!”
“Baby-“ he pulled you closer to his chest, his hand cupping your cheek. His thumb glided over your cheek as he shook his head subtly, “it’s very late-“
“But that’s the fun part-! Look it’s even full moon-!”
He shook his head yet again, “babygirl… I gotta go to sleep…”
Your shoulders sagged visibly, “oh-“
His tired eyes continued to look at you with the fondest expression. “We gotta sleep, hm? It’s late. I have work tomorrow.” He kissed your forehead, “we can do this another time. Let’s go to bed for now.”
Your heart tightened at that. Another time.
That’s what he always told you.
Always ‘another time’.
Always ‘I have no time’.
Always ‘I’m too tired’.
Your throat tightened painfully. You always have work. The words lingered on your tongue. But you held yourself back.
He is tired. Don’t be selfish. You reminded yourself.
You blinked your eyes repeatedly before he could notice. You merely nodded, feeling already hopeless and defeated.
When you were settled back in your bed, you somehow managed to lie furthest away from him. Usually, you would always have some kind of closeness when falling asleep — hands intertwined, bodies spooning, legs tangled together, his hand on your waist, or your feet nestled between his legs — whatever it was, your bodies were always touching.
At first, he didn’t think much of it — sleep already fogging his mind as soon as his head hit the pillow.
“Love you, pretty. G’night.” He murmured sleepily. Your back was facing him, and you couldn’t bring yourself to answer him because of the painful lump forming in your throat. You couldn’t shift closer to your boyfriend. Not because you were mad at him, of course not — he never gave you a reason to be angry at him. But you couldn’t help but feel hurt. The pain in your heart was just hurting too much. And you knew that as soon as you get in his warm embrace you would start crying.
Suddenly, his strong arm wrapped around your waist and swiftly pulled you across the bed to his chest. He buried his face in your hair, “I said I Iove you, baby.” He repeated in a low tone.
Your lips began to tremble. A single teardrop slid down your temple. He pressed a gentle kiss on your shoulder, “why’re you not answerin’? My princess ‘s already sleepin’?” His hand splayed across your stomach, your back resting warmly against his chest. “Hm?” You shook your head.
“What’s the matter, baby? Are you mad at me?” Your heart ached at his soft tone. It hurt you even more to hear that he thought you were mad at him.
You shook your head again, mumbling a wet, “‘course not.”
“Then tell me what’s wrong. Why’s my pretty princess not answering me?”
And that’s all that it took. You turned around in his embrace and just started sobbing. His warmth and gentle way with you were enough for you to break.
His doe eyes widened, “why, why, why??” His arms tightened immediately in a protective manner as you buried your face in his chest, your shoulders shaking.
“What- baby, baby. What’s wrong?? Why are you crying??” That made you cry even more. Causing his heart to ache even more. “What’s wrong??”
“I- I hate your j-job.” You choked on your tears, he couldn’t even understand it.
“What?” The crease between his eyebrows intensified.
“I hate your job!” You repeated louder, though it was muffled by his chest.
“What-?” He laughed softly, his hand came up to caress your head as the other spread out on your back protectively. “You hate my job? Why?”
“Cause- cause-“ you hesitated, “you’re constantly tired and sleepy!”
His heart melted in real time. “Awww~ baby…” he laid his cheek on your head. “Is this why you were crying earlier too?”
You nodded against his chest, pouting. “I saw the snow and came to tell you because I wanted to watch the snowfall with you, but- but you weren’t waking up no matter how much I tried. And it- it makes me so sad to see you so exhausted, and- and work so hard that- that you’re too tired to do stuff like that with me. We-we already spent so little time together and whenever we’re together you’re just too tired and just sleeping. I- I hate that job of y-yours. I- I hate seeing you so- so tired and exhausted.” You hiccuped, your tears stained his shirt as you clutched onto it tightly.
He caressed your hair, trying to calm you down. He cooed, “I’m sorry, baby.” He kissed your forehead. You snuggled further into him in response. “I’m sorry for not waking up. I didn’t know you loved the snow this much.” You shook your head at that, “no, Heeseung. It’s not about the snow- it’s- it’s about-“ you couldn’t explain any further, not finding the words as you sobbed loudly.
His arms tightened around, wanting to ground your trembling body. “Baby…” he murmured worriedly.
“Shh…” he hushed in your ear, “it’s okey, it’s okey. Let it out, hm?” He patted your back soothingly. His heart ached so painfully seeing you so upset. He had never seen you this distraught, he knew that there must another reason — you were hiding something else from him.
“Baby…” he kissed your temple, mumbling against it, “it’s okey, I’m here. Hm? I’m here.” He didn’t understand why but somehow that made you cry even harder, your tears didn’t seem to have an end. He couldn’t bear to listen to it any longer, his heart was tearing at every sob.
He cupped your cheek to tilt your face to him. “Hey, hey, hey, baby. What’s wrong? Why are you crying so much…? You’re breaking my heart, babygirl.” He kissed your swollen eyelids, one by one. Then your reddish nose, followed by a kiss on your forehead. “Don’t cry… please.” You sniffled softly, slowly calming down due to his gentle kisses and soft tone. He always spoke so gently with you.
“What’s wrong, princess? Did something else happen?” He tried, his hand caressing your cheek as the other held you close to him. You hiccuped under your breath, trying to calm down. You shook your head in denial, but he saw right through you. He tilted his head softly, doe eyes waiting patiently for you. Your lower lip jutted out as the corners of your lips went down.
“Come on, princess. Tell me. You need to tell me what’s making you upset.” He pecked the corner of your sad lips.
You hesitated for a moment. “A few days ago…” you started, he nodded immediately, his bambi eyes encouraging you, “I mean- a few nights ago, I had a dream-“ your eyes filled with tears, “I dreamed that you- that you left- left me.” A sob left your mouth, the tears blurred your vision again. His eyebrows furrowed instantly.
“I dreamed that you left- left me. Out of nowhere. It was so sudden and unexpected. In my dream, I woke up to text messages from you where you said that you had other dreams and that being with me was getting in your way of achieving them.” You hiccuped, the pain resurfaced saying it out loud like that. Your voice became timid: “You told me that our relationship was holding you back from chasing your dreams.”
“Oh princess…” he buried your wet face in his neck. But you continued: “And then you told me that you’re too tired to balance a career and a relationship and that- that you love your career… more than me-“ you sobbed louder towards the end.
He patted your trembling body, “hey… it was just a dream. Hm? Just a dream, my princess. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” His eyes became glassy, he couldn’t bear the imagination of leaving you. Hearing you talk about it ripped his heart apart into million pieces.
He kissed the top of your head as you wetted his neck, sobbing and sobbing. “I’m not leaving you, princess. Never.” His hand smoothed over your trembling back, the other never leaving the back of your head, “it was just a dream...”
“But- but it felt so real.” You sobbed.
“I know. I know.” He murmured against your temple, lips lingering there to soothe you. “But I’m here. You’re in my arms. I’m never leaving you.” He pulled away a little to look at your tear streaked face. “I hate seeing you cry like this.” He spoke as he wiped the tears away. “That Heeseung in your dream? He is stupid, okey? He is not me,” he kissed your forehead, “never will be me. He is just a foolish idiot who doesn’t know how precious you are.” He kissed your flushed cheeks.
“You mean it?” Your small voice trembled. Doubt evident.
“Of course.” He answered firmly. “You’re my beautiful princess, alright? The most precious possession I own. I could never be so stupid and leave you behind, do you understand?” You nodded against his neck. “I love you so much, my angel.” He caressed your hair, “I will never leave you. I promise. You have no idea how much I depend on you. I can’t imagine a life without you. Never.”
His throat tightened, “I know it gets exhausting to date me. I know it’s not easy. I don’t have an ordinary life. But if I tell you you’re all I have, then I’m begging you to believe me. I promise it will get better. Our relationship will not stay like this forever. There are better days ahead. Days where I won’t be as busy anymore. And I’m truly, truly grateful that I have such a patient and understanding partner. I truly am.”
He grasped your hand and kissed your knuckles one after another. He then rested your intertwined hands on his chest, right above his heart.
“And I want you to know one thing: There are many things I want to achieve in life. Many dreams that have yet to be fulfilled. But there is not a single dream of mine that doesn’t have you in it. There’s no future for me without you. A future without you simply doesn’t exist.”
The lump in your throat appeared once again. Your eyes met his though your vision was blurry, yet again.
“Promise?” Your voice was rough from crying so much.
“I promise, angel.” He hook your pinky with his own and pressed a kiss on it. “Pinky promise,” he whispered.
You nodded, blinking your teary eyes as you settled on his chest again, seeking comfort.
“I love you so much, princess. More than you can ever imagine.”
You nodded against his chest, tightening your own arms around his torso, afraid he might disappear.
“I love you too, Heeseungie.” You rapsed, exhaustion now catching up to you.
Heeseung’s heartbeat underneath you lulled you steadily and quickly into sleep, your eyes fluttered shut.
His hand rested on your cheek, thumb drawing circles on it before he pressed a good night kiss on your forehead. After a while of caressing your cheek and patting your back, he spoke again:
“I promise, tomorrow, before I leave for work we will play in the snow, okey? We can build a snowman together.”
Silence answered him.
When he glanced down, he realized that you were already knocked out on his chest. He chuckled under his breath.
“Look at you, princess. Knocked out in under a minute. You were fighting your sleep, hm? My tired baby…”
He pulled the cover over your shoulders, making sure you were snuggled in so that no cold could reach you.
“Sweet dreams, princess.”
It didn’t take long for him to quickly follow you into the world of dreams.
Sooo… i started writing this in September last year after they finished the Walk the line tour. It somehow feels off to post this now because… yk… he’s not that busy anymore with touring/high demanding schedules so it feels kinda off and not suitable anymore. But I’m cleaning up my drafts so I had to force myself to finish this. Tbh I don’t like the ending, it feels forced and unrealistic — what do you guys think? I put some elements from our current situation… ts hurt like hell, but I had this urge to put it in the fic for some reason. I was about to make a sad ending bc I’m not feeling a happy ending with what’s going on irl but idk… I thought maybe this will comfort someone. Perhaps I don’t like this happy ending because irl we will be stuck in this nightmare forever and will never wake up from it and will never be told that this was all a dream, that he never left us, that he’s still in enhypen, and we are still engenes to him… we will never have this kinda happy ending, yeah maybe that’s the reason why I don’t like it 🫠 dang…
Before I start my rant, I’m sending you some luv🩷🤍🩷
I know this might not be exactly what you wanted- since you asked for a different perspective. But honestly, I feel similar to the way you do.
First off, I absolutely hated what Jungwon said yesterday about his “5 members.” I’m sorry, but I just did. Those awards were for Enhypen as a whole, and I can’t understand how people are just okay with it. Those awards weren't for a new album, performance, or song- it was for their achievements as a group, as SEVEN, and that included Heeseung. If it had been for a new album or song as OT6, that would’ve been different. But this? It feels wrong.
And this whole DM thing… it just feels like a money-making scam by Belift, or their way of limiting how many people can interact with Enhypen outside of fancalls and concerts.
Up until now, every time I cried, I felt guilty. I kept thinking that not accepting this situation meant I was being overly emotional, and that it might hurt Enhypen if people stayed stuck in March 10th.. The members haven't really shown empathy for the fans who still can't process it and that's ok! They aren't really obligated to or allowed to (company restrictions). But I'M done
I used to feel proud being an Engene, because it was something the boys built for us. But now this feels like a completely new fandom was built by us, disconnected from Enhypen itself.
I loved and found comfort in Enhypen as seven and I truly believe 7-1=0. Not in a way that undermines their individual talent, but in the sense that Enhypen isn’t, and will never be, the same without all seven.
Each of them has extraordinary abilities and can shine individually or as a group, but Enhypen was a space that included all seven of them together. And I’m done pretending it’s still the same when one of them is gone.
I know I’ll never be able to fully forget them, but this isn’t my safe space anymore. I don’t feel comfortable or happy staying here.
Once again, this is just my opinion. I know there’s a lot going on behind the scenes, and many people have different views, and again that’s okay. But this is mine
---------🌷
I think the same actually…
I feel so disconnected from them and the fandom. When I go to the enhypen weverse community it’s like you can’t mention Heeseung without getting hate. And now that he opened his own weverse you can’t mention enhypen there. It really really shakes me up how everything turned out like this.
I think the only thing that’s still holding me back is this blog, I feel like I should at least empty out my drafts before leaving, but it’s so hard to think about them without tearing up, not to mention to write a whole ahh fic that takes a lot of time and energy.
So I’m kinda stuck.
I feel so disconnected from the members too. I just came across a video which was supposed to be a funny compilation of Sunoo trying to sneak into either maknae or hyung line but neither wanted to accept him and keep teasing him, which is actually very funny and cute. But then the clip came up after Heeseung’s departure where Sunghoon said Sunoo is not hyung line and hyung line only consists of 02z, which was his reaction to Sunoo saying he’s now in hyung line and…
… damn… the lump in my throat is still there while typing this.
I literally had flashbacks to my feelings when both of them said this in their respective lives. I remember being so hurt and crying so much.
I really genuinely love them, which is the reason why I’m hurt in the first place, but I can’t keep pretending that the members themselves were not the ones who hurt me the most with statements like these.
The last two and half months have been an up and down, and I just can’t keep denying that the members weren’t the ones who kept twisting the knife in the wound and weren’t the reason why I fell into depression.
I … I really don’t know anymore. I feel like everyone moved on. It feels like the ones like you and me are just small portion of the fandom. I genuinely don’t feel comfortable in the fandom anymore.
And I can’t help but think, no matter when I see a member or a fan: How is it possible that you already moved on? How can you be so happy?
I wish I could be, too.
When Heeseung went on live on Monday it felt, yet again, like a slap in my face. He really just moved on. He looked excited and happy, and I felt, once again, so extremely stupid and embarrassed to cry over someone who genuinely couldn’t care less about me. Idk he’s probably only looking at supportive fans — just like enhypen. And I’m here, crying, and can’t help but wondering: what about me?
I don’t know anymore. It all hurts so much. I regret not enjoying them more before everything fell apart. I regret crying over them. I regret loving them. I regret having them in my life. Because in MY perspective, they don’t give a f*ck about engenes who still are holding onto ot7. Heeseung wants support for his solo career. Ot6 is clearly pushing the enhypen is 6 agenda. There really is no space left for me.
I can’t pretend I’m not crying everyday because everything fell apart and support Heeseung’s career like everything is fine. Just like now: he’s searching for a new fandom name, and I can’t just happily submit a name and participate in this event because I get so heartbroken — I can’t pretend I’m happy I’m not an engene to him anymore. there are some engenes who are saying “we are still engenes” bro, he’s not going to call us that again EVER. the gap of connection between the artist and fans is so huge. Reality is we are NOT engenes to him anymore.
And I also can’t pretend that I’m excited to see more of Enhypen anymore. Not after everything they said. Not after how they handled everything. I can’t forget how Sunoo said he’s in hyung line now, I can’t forget how sunghoon said hyung line consists of only 02z, how Jungwon said there is nothing wrong and there is nothing to cry about, how he wishes only engenes came to his live and interacted with him, how Jay got mad at engenes and told them to take the hint and look at the situation, how he didn’t understood that we understand NOTHING, that we’re left in the dark, and showed no understanding of our feelings, how Niki said Jay is the most reliable eldest hyung, how he was the first one who mentioned enhypen as 6, how Jake said that this year will be the best year they’ll ever have.
All of these things, and sadly even more, led up to me being so heartbroken. Every day I wake up anxious because I’m scared someone has said something again that will hurt me. I really wish I were one of those fans who think their faves are perfect and they aren’t capable of doing anything wrong, but I can’t. The truth is they hurt me immensely.
So yeah, it is that deep.
But just like a real family, I can’t just cut them off as if the bond was never there. I just cling onto the hope that someday, they will show some transparency, not about the decision (I mean that would be healing on another level and, of course, that would be a dream) but about their feelings. Some reassurance that I’m not crazy for feeling… all of this. That there’s still some connection between me (and other engenes who think alike) and them.
I can’t help but hope that all seven of them are just as devastated as I am.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, but please know you’re not alone.
Heeseung leaving has left so many of us spiraling.
Would I have felt better if I had stanned him harder?
Would he have stayed if I had shown up to more concerts or fansigns?
Would he have been happier if he had debuted in TXT instead? Or would it have hurt less if Enhypen had existed without him from the start, rather than having him with us for six years only to suddenly disappear?
The truth is, it was never in the hands of just one of us. His departure wasn’t something WE could control. He was one of the most stanned members, yet he left-whether by his own choice or the company’s decision. And that uncertainty, not knowing if it ended with smiles or with tears, is what eats us alive.
I honestly feel sorry for him?.
Despite the jokes about him being the “freakiest” member, he was one of the most vulnerable, innocent souls. Now I can’t help but imagine him isolated, with a fanbase that surely loves him, but no one to laugh with on stage, no one to cry with, no one to comfort or be comforted by, no one to ease his nerves when winning an award. Our comfort place, and theirs, was IS ripped apart.
What hurts most is how his contribution, his effort, his mere existence, feels like it’s being erased. The members aren’t even allowed to openly express how they feel. Whether they’re sad, supportive, or conflicted.
I miss Heejake.
I miss Heewon.
I miss Heejay.
I miss Heehoon.
I miss Heeki.
I miss Heesun.
I miss Enhypen the way it was.
Of course, the other members have poured in just as much effort, but that doesn’t mean they can fill the absence of the other. His absence IS felt, DEEPLY
And then there’s the fandom… I feel so uncomfortable here now. People are ready to strangle each other over differences in opinion. We once prided ourselves on being the fandom that gave our boys that MAMA award, but right now? I honestly hate this fandom. Instead of trying to support Heeseung or the remaining members, we’re tearing each other apart over who’s right and who’s wrong, with little to no consideration of their feelings
It honestly hurts to stay here with Enhypen just as much as it hurts to leave🫤.
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Hi 🌷tysm for reaching out this means so much to me 😞 honestly your words made me cry this topic is just so sensitive to me,,, can i be honest? I think in the past 2 months there have only been a couple days where I did not cry… yeah big girls don’t cry is a song about me.
I also think that the fact that we know that we, neither as an individual person nor as engenes, don’t have any say or power in the decision that was made is hurting us a lot. because we just care SO much, especially since the situation just does NOT make any sense and we’re just so… lost. And we feel so powerless in a matter that is so important to us.
Tbh I feel so disconnected with them. Like I genuinely can’t tell whether they’re having a hard time or if they already moved on, if Heeseung is regretting the decision or if he’s totally satisfied with everything, if he’s excited for his solo or he wished that the members were there for him.
I genuinely can’t tell.
Like my mind is telling me of course it’s hard for them. It has to be. But my eyes are seeing a complete different situation. From outsiders perspective it looks like they moved on and like they never had a hyung to begin with. But from an engene perspective it just can’t be it. I refuse to accept that they’re not missing him. If I’m missing him so much how can they not??
Just like you said, the uncertainty is what’s eating us alive. It’s so frustrating. And yeah just like you said, the fandom is in shambles. And I can’t help but wonder DO THE BOYS KNOW???
What has this place become?
Sometimes I still get a little ‘shocked’ when I remember he really left. Like my heart jumps a little whenever the realisation settles in.
And I know I will never move on as long as the members don’t express any kind of empathy. I really just need a “I know you are having a hard time, engene”. That would genuinely help me so much. But so far it looks like we’re not getting any kind of comfort.
I have so much to say but idek anymore.
It just makes me sad that they will never know what engenes, who are still in denial, feel genuine hurt, and love every single member, are going through. Because trust me: most of these engenes have left the fandom or have distanced themselves from the remaining members. And not because they are Heeseung solo stans.
But because for them, and me, 7-1 truly means 0.
And our reaction would’ve been the exact same had it been another member.
I just can’t help but get extremely, extremely heartbroken when I remember that this is all so unnecessary and unfair. We all know that the main issue was/is Heeseung wanting to release his music, but the company has been overworking them and isn’t giving them ANY room for individual growth. Like wth???? They’re in their 6th!!! 6th!!! year and still receive NO promotions from belift themself for solo stuff. It really is not that hard when every other group is also doing it.
I really really want to know what enhypen’s stance on this matter is. Like their personal opinions. Because right now it looks like Heeseung wasn’t happy at all. And yeah… we all know what happened next.
Ok that’s my ranting for today.
Tomorrow is the first award show so I already know it’s gonna be a draining day….
I miss being excited about their activities.
I really wish I could leave and cut them off, but I know it will hurt me way more. I really don’t know what to do. It’s really damaging for my physical and mental health. :(
Even when I try to look forward, this empty feeling in my chest follows me everywhere.
I never knew I loved you this much until now. I should’ve appreciated you more when I still had you.
I miss my seven so much.
So much that my heart aches even when I’m distracted, my eyes get glassy when I remember what happened, the tears fall as if they don’t know where else to go.
Heeseung as a tired boyfriend is upsetting you more than you realise.
Heeseung x gf!reader — angstish with a lot of comfort because we need it
I got inspired from that one Spotify interview where they played desire or deny and when they were asked about ‘a stroll under the full moon’ Heeseung answered with deny, saying “girls… I gotta go to sleep.” He was so cheeky and cute 😆
Only his soft snores alongside the noise from the movie you had been watching together filled the room.
You slightly lifted your head from his chest, careful not to startle him. His hand which was previously buried in your hair and massaged your head had slipped off. “Baby?” You called out for him softly.
His snores continued, chest rising and falling in a rhythmic pattern under your hand. Leaning forward, you placed a soft kiss on his jaw. No response. You tried again by kissing the corner of his jaw, right next to his ear where you knew he was sensitive. He grunted and buried his face in his hoodie, still completely knocked out. You bit your lip to suppress a chuckle, kissing along his neck and jaw. “Baby~” you kissed his cheek, “wake up, my love. You can’t sleep here, baby.” Now you were trailing your kisses to his chin and nose, purposefully missing out on his soft, kissable lips.
His eyes fluttered, he looked at you with a dazed vision. “Hm?” Heavy eyes met yours.
"Baby, you can't sleep here, my love." You rubbed your nose against his. He didn't respond right away. His hand buried in your hair again and pulled you closer to him. You gasped softly, the strenght in your arms giving out. You fell right on his body, now completely sprawled over him. His cheek rubbed on your forehead as he pressed your face into the crook of his neck which was covered by his hoodie.
"You woke me up." He complained with a rough voice, softness seeping through when he wrapped his other arm tighter around your waist.
"I'm sorry, bambi." You kissed his hamster like cheek, the nickname you gave him melted his heart everytime. "I wish I could carry you to bed, but you're too heavy for me." Heeseung chuckled under his breath, eyelids fighting against sleep. "That would be weird...", he murmured, exhaustion never vanishing from his voice.
"I don't like to be woken up," he started lazily, "but if it's you waking me up with kisses like this..." he pulled you further into his embrace, "then it’s okey."
You looked up, cheeks flushed due to warmth of candles and the fireplace breathing through your apartment. His heart fluttered at the sight. Softness bloomed through his veins, his eyes, though still heavy with drowsiness, now shimmered with fondness and affection.
You kissed his chin, "I'm glad you're giving your girlfriend this privilige," you giggled. His eyes softened even more. "Always,” he whispered more to himself than to you.
"Let's go to-" you yelped when Heeseung pulled you back to him as you were about to lift yourself up from his body.
"Hee-" You were cut off by a kiss on your lips. You sighed softly, his hand tilting your head so he could aim your soft lips accurately. Your body melted into his all over again.
“You forgot to kiss me here.” He mumbled against your lips, eyes twinkling mischievously.
The warm glow across your cheeks deepened. “You’re so annoying,” you whispered back, ears getting hot and lips brushing his. “Let’s get ready for bed, silly.”
In bed, your head rested on Heeseung’s chest, now clothed in pyjamas and not his hoodie and sweatpants anymore. The comfortable and warm weight of your body on his soothed him steadily to sleep.
And when it suddenly disappeared, he groggily stirred awake. “Where you goin’?” His hand lazily reached out for you though you already had slipped away from his reach.
“I’m just getting a glass of water, baby,” you whispered, leaning down to press a kiss on the arch of his eyebrow. “Go back to sleep.”
He responded with a gibberish “hurry up” before his consciousness slowly slipped away. Even though he looked dead to the world, his subconscious was still alert to every sound from you. The footsteps tapping down the stairs, the light switch clicking, the cabinet door closing.
But then there was absolute silence.
A frown appeared on Heeseung’s face. He was still way too gone to actually wake up, but his instincts couldn’t ignore your ongoing absence. Unconsciously, he purred into his pillow in distress, his face burying in it as his arm stretched towards your side of the bed.
Suddenly, hurried footsteps echoed through the house. You ripped the door open, but your boyfriend was now fast asleep.
“Oh my god! Heeseung! Wake up! You gotta see this!” You began as you crawled on the bed towards him. You shook him gently by his shoulders.
He grunted, face burying even further into his pillow.
“Baby, baby! Wake up!”
“Hm.”
“Baby, please~” You tried to lift him up, of course it was an unnecessary attempt — he didn’t budge one bit.
“Heeseung! You’re not gonna believe it! It’s snowing outside!”
“Hm?”
“It’s snowing!”
“M-hm.” He grunted in fake acknowledgment.
“Baby, please, you need to see it! It looks so beautiful!” You laid on top of him as you nestled your head next to his. “Please, please, please.”
“Mhmmm…” he grunted again, almost inaudible this time.
“Please~!” Your hands cupped his face. “Baby, please, wake up.” You pouted. Genuine hurt cracked through your voice. How could you enjoy the first snowfall of the year without your boyfriend? “You have to watch it with me…”
A quiet, frustrated whimper elicited from your throat. Defeated, you rested your head on his chest.
He was way too exhausted. He worked so much and so hard. There was no chance he would wake up after the back to back concerts he just had. For some reason, it brought tears to your eyes.
“Stupid boyfriend…” you pouted quietly, childishly, as you rubbed your face into his chest like a cat.
And somehow, his eyes fluttered open. “Hm?”
You were too lost in your tears, wetting his pyjama shirt and softly sniffling that you didn’t notice him stirring awake.
His hand flew up to your head in worry. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying, pretty?” His voice was deep and rough.
You gasped, head shooting up, “you woke up! Oh my god, Heeseung! You won’t believe this! It’s snowing outside!”
He blinked for a moment. Then a low chuckle escaped him, clearly taken by surprise, “yeah? That’s why you’re crying?” He gently pushed your hair behind your ear. His thumb swiped at the corner of your eye. You shook your head, but the stubborn tears managed to fill your eyes yet again.
“Then why is my big girl crying? Hm?”
“I- I don’t know.” You felt so silly. He’d definitely laugh at you if you told him.
He didn’t say anything at first. Just continued to stroke your cheekbone as he gazed at you with the softest eyes.
“You thought I died or something?”
You gasped a wet laugh. “What? No!” You slapped his chest.
A lazy smile spread across his face. Suddenly, he sat up and leaned against the headboard. He pulled you on his lap and cradled your head against his chest. His naked chest was peeking out of his unbuttoned shirt as he wrapped his arms around you trying to shield you from the cold world. Or anything that was making you cry. He pressed a kiss on your forehead and started rocking you slowly as if you were his baby.
“You said it’s snowing?” He asked after a while. He always talked to you very softly and cautiously, but whenever you were crying and vulnerable he became even more gentle. As if he was afraid you would break if he wasn’t careful enough.
You nodded frequently against his chest, doe and shimmery eyes glancing at him.
“Yeah?” He chuckled under his breath. He couldn’t help but find you so cute, so adorable at this moment. His heart squeezed in adoration. His hand cupped your soft cheek, stroking it gently.
For a while, he just gazed at you softly, taking his time to caress you and soak you in. He pressed a kiss on your forehead. Your eyes fluttered at his soft lips loving you, his kiss lingering on your skin even after he separated.
“You wanna watch the snowfall?” His voice was tender, as if he knew what and what not to say when you’re all vulnerable in his arms.
“Oh, yes!! Please, please, please!!” You nodded eagerly and quickly stood up. You took his hand to drag him towards the door and basically pulled him out of the sheets.
You were determined to share the most beautiful sight with the love of your life.
“Wait-“ he halted, tugging you back, his hair messy in the cutest and sleepiest way, “wait. Where are you going? Baby-“ he was so amused by your antics, “we have a window here, pretty.”
“Oh- No! We have to go downstairs, the view from the living room is a lot better!” You pulled him with you without any hesitation. His big and firmer hand wrapped around your smaller, soft one. His heart swelled up. He didn’t dare to protest, you were just the cutest being so he let you lead him to wherever your heart desired.
You gasped dramatically once you stood in front of the window. “Look at the view, Seungie!” You let go of his warm hand and pushed the curtains away to show him more of the view.
“Isn’t it so beautiful??” You awed with bright, sparkling eyes, hands on the cool glass as you watched the snowflakes dancing in the air.
Heeseung leaned against the big window, arms crossed as he hummed. His sleepy, sluggish demeanour was a huge contrast to your excited, giddy one. He sighed heavily, his head resting on the glass as the coolness seeped into his skin.
You whipped your head at him, “it’s so beautiful, isn’t it??” You tried again after he didn’t give an answer. He nodded lazily, barely managing to keep his eyes open. His eyes shifted to you, lingering on your bare arms and the way your body was trembling almost unnoticeably. But never unnoticed by him.
A disappointed, accusatory frown appeared on your face, “you’re not even looking, baby.”
A yawn escaped from his mouth as he lazily stretched his arms. He then pulled you into his embrace. His head rested comfortably on your shoulder as his arms wrapped around around your waist. Your hands automatically rested on his firm forearms. He pressed a soft kiss on your shoulder before rubbing his face against it, his movements were sluggish and lazy.
“ ‘m lookin” he mumbled against the crook of your neck. He looked up and kissed your cheek, arms tightening around you. One hand rubbed your chilled, naked arm, “ ‘s pretty”. He lingered a kiss on your neck. “So pretty,” he repeated before he rested his chin on your shoulder, his face half buried in your hair and neck.
You giggled excitedly, “I know!! The snow is soooo pretty.”
Heeseung chuckled under his breath and pressed himself further against your back, wrapping you even tighter in his arms.
“Really pretty,” he hummed.
He definitely wasn’t talking about the view. Matter of fact, when he had you in his arms like this, he couldn’t care less about some snow.
You let out an existed gasp, an idea striking you. You turned in his embrace. “Babe! Let’s go outside! The snow is still untouched, oh my god- this will be so fun!”
His eyebrows raised in surprised, “huh?”
“Please, please, please! A snowfall during the night is the best thing to experience!! You gotta trust me on this one!” Suddenly, you unwrapped yourself from his arms. You already made up your mind that you were going out with your boyfriend. At midnight. In the cold.
“Wait-“ his hand caught you before you were out of reach. “Baby-“ he chuckled softly, tired eyes flickering with amusement. “We can’t go outside- it’s midnight, baby.” His other hand wrapped around your waist.
“But that’s the point! You have to experience the first snowfall of the year outside. And during night it’s even more beautiful!”
“Baby-“ he pulled you closer to his chest, his hand cupping your cheek. His thumb glided over your cheek as he shook his head subtly, “it’s very late-“
“But that’s the fun part-! Look it’s even full moon-!”
He shook his head yet again, “babygirl… I gotta go to sleep…”
Your shoulders sagged visibly, “oh-“
His tired eyes continued to look at you with the fondest expression. “We gotta sleep, hm? It’s late. I have work tomorrow.” He kissed your forehead, “we can do this another time. Let’s go to bed for now.”
Your heart tightened at that. Another time.
That’s what he always told you.
Always ‘another time’.
Always ‘I have no time’.
Always ‘I’m too tired’.
Your throat tightened painfully. You always have work. The words lingered on your tongue. But you held yourself back.
He is tired. Don’t be selfish. You reminded yourself.
You blinked your eyes repeatedly before he could notice. You merely nodded, feeling already hopeless and defeated.
When you were settled back in your bed, you somehow managed to lie furthest away from him. Usually, you would always have some kind of closeness when falling asleep — hands intertwined, bodies spooning, legs tangled together, his hand on your waist, or your feet nestled between his legs — whatever it was, your bodies were always touching.
At first, he didn’t think much of it — sleep already fogging his mind as soon as his head hit the pillow.
“Love you, pretty. G’night.” He murmured sleepily. Your back was facing him, and you couldn’t bring yourself to answer him because of the painful lump forming in your throat. You couldn’t shift closer to your boyfriend. Not because you were mad at him, of course not — he never gave you a reason to be angry at him. But you couldn’t help but feel hurt. The pain in your heart was just hurting too much. And you knew that as soon as you get in his warm embrace you would start crying.
Suddenly, his strong arm wrapped around your waist and swiftly pulled you across the bed to his chest. He buried his face in your hair, “I said I Iove you, baby.” He repeated in a low tone.
Your lips began to tremble. A single teardrop slid down your temple. He pressed a gentle kiss on your shoulder, “why’re you not answerin’? My princess ‘s already sleepin’?” His hand splayed across your stomach, your back resting warmly against his chest. “Hm?” You shook your head.
“What’s the matter, baby? Are you mad at me?” Your heart ached at his soft tone. It hurt you even more to hear that he thought you were mad at him.
You shook your head again, mumbling a wet, “‘course not.”
“Then tell me what’s wrong. Why’s my pretty princess not answering me?”
And that’s all that it took. You turned around in his embrace and just started sobbing. His warmth and gentle way with you were enough for you to break.
His doe eyes widened, “why, why, why??” His arms tightened immediately in a protective manner as you buried your face in his chest, your shoulders shaking.
“What- baby, baby. What’s wrong?? Why are you crying??” That made you cry even more. Causing his heart to ache even more. “What’s wrong??”
“I- I hate your j-job.” You choked on your tears, he couldn’t even understand it.
“What?” The crease between his eyebrows intensified.
“I hate your job!” You repeated louder, though it was muffled by his chest.
“What-?” He laughed softly, his hand came up to caress your head as the other spread out on your back protectively. “You hate my job? Why?”
“Cause- cause-“ you hesitated, “you’re constantly tired and sleepy!”
His heart melted in real time. “Awww~ baby…” he laid his cheek on your head. “Is this why you were crying earlier too?”
You nodded against his chest, pouting. “I saw the snow and came to tell you because I wanted to watch the snowfall with you, but- but you weren’t waking up no matter how much I tried. And it- it makes me so sad to see you so exhausted, and- and work so hard that- that you’re too tired to do stuff like that with me. We-we already spent so little time together and whenever we’re together you’re just too tired and just sleeping. I- I hate that job of y-yours. I- I hate seeing you so- so tired and exhausted.” You hiccuped, your tears stained his shirt as you clutched onto it tightly.
He caressed your hair, trying to calm you down. He cooed, “I’m sorry, baby.” He kissed your forehead. You snuggled further into him in response. “I’m sorry for not waking up. I didn’t know you loved the snow this much.” You shook your head at that, “no, Heeseung. It’s not about the snow- it’s- it’s about-“ you couldn’t explain any further, not finding the words as you sobbed loudly.
His arms tightened around, wanting to ground your trembling body. “Baby…” he murmured worriedly.
“Shh…” he hushed in your ear, “it’s okey, it’s okey. Let it out, hm?” He patted your back soothingly. His heart ached so painfully seeing you so upset. He had never seen you this distraught, he knew that there must another reason — you were hiding something else from him.
“Baby…” he kissed your temple, mumbling against it, “it’s okey, I’m here. Hm? I’m here.” He didn’t understand why but somehow that made you cry even harder, your tears didn’t seem to have an end. He couldn’t bear to listen to it any longer, his heart was tearing at every sob.
He cupped your cheek to tilt your face to him. “Hey, hey, hey, baby. What’s wrong? Why are you crying so much…? You’re breaking my heart, babygirl.” He kissed your swollen eyelids, one by one. Then your reddish nose, followed by a kiss on your forehead. “Don’t cry… please.” You sniffled softly, slowly calming down due to his gentle kisses and soft tone. He always spoke so gently with you.
“What’s wrong, princess? Did something else happen?” He tried, his hand caressing your cheek as the other held you close to him. You hiccuped under your breath, trying to calm down. You shook your head in denial, but he saw right through you. He tilted his head softly, doe eyes waiting patiently for you. Your lower lip jutted out as the corners of your lips went down.
“Come on, princess. Tell me. You need to tell me what’s making you upset.” He pecked the corner of your sad lips.
You hesitated for a moment. “A few days ago…” you started, he nodded immediately, his bambi eyes encouraging you, “I mean- a few nights ago, I had a dream-“ your eyes filled with tears, “I dreamed that you- that you left- left me.” A sob left your mouth, the tears blurred your vision again. His eyebrows furrowed instantly.
“I dreamed that you left- left me. Out of nowhere. It was so sudden and unexpected. In my dream, I woke up to text messages from you where you said that you had other dreams and that being with me was getting in your way of achieving them.” You hiccuped, the pain resurfaced saying it out loud like that. Your voice became timid: “You told me that our relationship was holding you back from chasing your dreams.”
“Oh princess…” he buried your wet face in his neck. But you continued: “And then you told me that you’re too tired to balance a career and a relationship and that- that you love your career… more than me-“ you sobbed louder towards the end.
He patted your trembling body, “hey… it was just a dream. Hm? Just a dream, my princess. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” His eyes became glassy, he couldn’t bear the imagination of leaving you. Hearing you talk about it ripped his heart apart into million pieces.
He kissed the top of your head as you wetted his neck, sobbing and sobbing. “I’m not leaving you, princess. Never.” His hand smoothed over your trembling back, the other never leaving the back of your head, “it was just a dream...”
“But- but it felt so real.” You sobbed.
“I know. I know.” He murmured against your temple, lips lingering there to soothe you. “But I’m here. You’re in my arms. I’m never leaving you.” He pulled away a little to look at your tear streaked face. “I hate seeing you cry like this.” He spoke as he wiped the tears away. “That Heeseung in your dream? He is stupid, okey? He is not me,” he kissed your forehead, “never will be me. He is just a foolish idiot who doesn’t know how precious you are.” He kissed your flushed cheeks.
“You mean it?” Your small voice trembled. Doubt evident.
“Of course.” He answered firmly. “You’re my beautiful princess, alright? The most precious possession I own. I could never be so stupid and leave you behind, do you understand?” You nodded against his neck. “I love you so much, my angel.” He caressed your hair, “I will never leave you. I promise. You have no idea how much I depend on you. I can’t imagine a life without you. Never.”
His throat tightened, “I know it gets exhausting to date me. I know it’s not easy. I don’t have an ordinary life. But if I tell you you’re all I have, then I’m begging you to believe me. I promise it will get better. Our relationship will not stay like this forever. There are better days ahead. Days where I won’t be as busy anymore. And I’m truly, truly grateful that I have such a patient and understanding partner. I truly am.”
He grasped your hand and kissed your knuckles one after another. He then rested your intertwined hands on his chest, right above his heart.
“And I want you to know one thing: There are many things I want to achieve in life. Many dreams that have yet to be fulfilled. But there is not a single dream of mine that doesn’t have you in it. There’s no future for me without you. A future without you simply doesn’t exist.”
The lump in your throat appeared once again. Your eyes met his though your vision was blurry, yet again.
“Promise?” Your voice was rough from crying so much.
“I promise, angel.” He hook your pinky with his own and pressed a kiss on it. “Pinky promise,” he whispered.
You nodded, blinking your teary eyes as you settled on his chest again, seeking comfort.
“I love you so much, princess. More than you can ever imagine.”
You nodded against his chest, tightening your own arms around his torso, afraid he might disappear.
“I love you too, Heeseungie.” You rapsed, exhaustion now catching up to you.
Heeseung’s heartbeat underneath you lulled you steadily and quickly into sleep, your eyes fluttered shut.
His hand rested on your cheek, thumb drawing circles on it before he pressed a good night kiss on your forehead. After a while of caressing your cheek and patting your back, he spoke again:
“I promise, tomorrow, before I leave for work we will play in the snow, okey? We can build a snowman together.”
Silence answered him.
When he glanced down, he realized that you were already knocked out on his chest. He chuckled under his breath.
“Look at you, princess. Knocked out in under a minute. You were fighting your sleep, hm? My tired baby…”
He pulled the cover over your shoulders, making sure you were snuggled in so that no cold could reach you.
“Sweet dreams, princess.”
It didn’t take long for him to quickly follow you into the world of dreams.
Sooo… i started writing this in September last year after they finished the Walk the line tour. It somehow feels off to post this now because… yk… he’s not that busy anymore with touring/high demanding schedules so it feels kinda off and not suitable anymore. But I’m cleaning up my drafts so I had to force myself to finish this. Tbh I don’t like the ending, it feels forced and unrealistic — what do you guys think? I put some elements from our current situation… ts hurt like hell, but I had this urge to put it in the fic for some reason. I was about to make a sad ending bc I’m not feeling a happy ending with what’s going on irl but idk… I thought maybe this will comfort someone. Perhaps I don’t like this happy ending because irl we will be stuck in this nightmare forever and will never wake up from it and will never be told that this was all a dream, that he never left us, that he’s still in enhypen, and we are still engenes to him… we will never have this kinda happy ending, yeah maybe that’s the reason why I don’t like it 🫠 dang…
I would have gone in the snow alone and make a snowball and would have gone back to make him feel the cold snow when he would have been asleep... Nvm on second thought, I would feel too bad to do anything beside agreeing with him cuz he really works himself to the point beyond.
And thank you for making it a happy ending. It comforted me so much. A softness I needed. He may not be in Enhypen now but he still works the same. I miss him fuxk...
To me personally it was because the wound was still fresh, and I had been crying non stop since the announcement.
Also the line-
"Why am I so sad? I still have so many other brothers."
It just opened my eyes to the perspective that the members who have spent almost 6 years with him, might be hurting far more than we think .
And you know, just the fact that a small innocent soul can go through that level of sadness .....
Also when I saw your masterlist where you said -
To: him
That's just triggered something in me . Like I know he isn't dead, but 🫤
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Hii 🌷 !! (I need to make an anon list… starting with you 😭 the ones i used to have are gone i fear 🥺)
Aww thank you this means so much to me!! Tysm for taking you time to write such a detailed answer!
tbh I always feel like I’m the only one looking at my blog, like in my head it’s just me, my fics and drafts in here 🤣. I never thought that people would notice these things like the “to: him”, or that it would have an effect on them 🥺
Ig I was just too hurt to put that fic between my others as if it was just a normal fic …
I can’t believe that someone got a new perspective due to MY writing 😭 I think that’s the highest honour a writer can get wowwww
Tbh I have many other scenarios in my head of their situation but I’m hesitant to write them and publish them here … Obv these are that kind of scenarios that are fckin up my mind… let’s see if I get the urge to write it down …
A few people have commented that my hee fic made them cry and I was wondering what exactly made you cry? 😭 I need a little feedback so I know for future works … pls tell me which parts exactly stuck with you… or was it emotional because of his situation irl? Because that’s the reason I cried while writing 🥲
Heeseung as a tired boyfriend is upsetting you more than you realise.
Heeseung x gf!reader — angstish with a lot of comfort because we need it
I got inspired from that one Spotify interview where they played desire or deny and when they were asked about ‘a stroll under the full moon’ Heeseung answered with deny, saying “girls… I gotta go to sleep.” He was so cheeky and cute 😆
Only his soft snores alongside the noise from the movie you had been watching together filled the room.
You slightly lifted your head from his chest, careful not to startle him. His hand which was previously buried in your hair and massaged your head had slipped off. “Baby?” You called out for him softly.
His snores continued, chest rising and falling in a rhythmic pattern under your hand. Leaning forward, you placed a soft kiss on his jaw. No response. You tried again by kissing the corner of his jaw, right next to his ear where you knew he was sensitive. He grunted and buried his face in his hoodie, still completely knocked out. You bit your lip to suppress a chuckle, kissing along his neck and jaw. “Baby~” you kissed his cheek, “wake up, my love. You can’t sleep here, baby.” Now you were trailing your kisses to his chin and nose, purposefully missing out on his soft, kissable lips.
His eyes fluttered, he looked at you with a dazed vision. “Hm?” Heavy eyes met yours.
"Baby, you can't sleep here, my love." You rubbed your nose against his. He didn't respond right away. His hand buried in your hair again and pulled you closer to him. You gasped softly, the strenght in your arms giving out. You fell right on his body, now completely sprawled over him. His cheek rubbed on your forehead as he pressed your face into the crook of his neck which was covered by his hoodie.
"You woke me up." He complained with a rough voice, softness seeping through when he wrapped his other arm tighter around your waist.
"I'm sorry, bambi." You kissed his hamster like cheek, the nickname you gave him melted his heart everytime. "I wish I could carry you to bed, but you're too heavy for me." Heeseung chuckled under his breath, eyelids fighting against sleep. "That would be weird...", he murmured, exhaustion never vanishing from his voice.
"I don't like to be woken up," he started lazily, "but if it's you waking me up with kisses like this..." he pulled you further into his embrace, "then it’s okey."
You looked up, cheeks flushed due to warmth of candles and the fireplace breathing through your apartment. His heart fluttered at the sight. Softness bloomed through his veins, his eyes, though still heavy with drowsiness, now shimmered with fondness and affection.
You kissed his chin, "I'm glad you're giving your girlfriend this privilige," you giggled. His eyes softened even more. "Always,” he whispered more to himself than to you.
"Let's go to-" you yelped when Heeseung pulled you back to him as you were about to lift yourself up from his body.
"Hee-" You were cut off by a kiss on your lips. You sighed softly, his hand tilting your head so he could aim your soft lips accurately. Your body melted into his all over again.
“You forgot to kiss me here.” He mumbled against your lips, eyes twinkling mischievously.
The warm glow across your cheeks deepened. “You’re so annoying,” you whispered back, ears getting hot and lips brushing his. “Let’s get ready for bed, silly.”
In bed, your head rested on Heeseung’s chest, now clothed in pyjamas and not his hoodie and sweatpants anymore. The comfortable and warm weight of your body on his soothed him steadily to sleep.
And when it suddenly disappeared, he groggily stirred awake. “Where you goin’?” His hand lazily reached out for you though you already had slipped away from his reach.
“I’m just getting a glass of water, baby,” you whispered, leaning down to press a kiss on the arch of his eyebrow. “Go back to sleep.”
He responded with a gibberish “hurry up” before his consciousness slowly slipped away. Even though he looked dead to the world, his subconscious was still alert to every sound from you. The footsteps tapping down the stairs, the light switch clicking, the cabinet door closing.
But then there was absolute silence.
A frown appeared on Heeseung’s face. He was still way too gone to actually wake up, but his instincts couldn’t ignore your ongoing absence. Unconsciously, he purred into his pillow in distress, his face burying in it as his arm stretched towards your side of the bed.
Suddenly, hurried footsteps echoed through the house. You ripped the door open, but your boyfriend was now fast asleep.
“Oh my god! Heeseung! Wake up! You gotta see this!” You began as you crawled on the bed towards him. You shook him gently by his shoulders.
He grunted, face burying even further into his pillow.
“Baby, baby! Wake up!”
“Hm.”
“Baby, please~” You tried to lift him up, of course it was an unnecessary attempt — he didn’t budge one bit.
“Heeseung! You’re not gonna believe it! It’s snowing outside!”
“Hm?”
“It’s snowing!”
“M-hm.” He grunted in fake acknowledgment.
“Baby, please, you need to see it! It looks so beautiful!” You laid on top of him as you nestled your head next to his. “Please, please, please.”
“Mhmmm…” he grunted again, almost inaudible this time.
“Please~!” Your hands cupped his face. “Baby, please, wake up.” You pouted. Genuine hurt cracked through your voice. How could you enjoy the first snowfall of the year without your boyfriend? “You have to watch it with me…”
A quiet, frustrated whimper elicited from your throat. Defeated, you rested your head on his chest.
He was way too exhausted. He worked so much and so hard. There was no chance he would wake up after the back to back concerts he just had. For some reason, it brought tears to your eyes.
“Stupid boyfriend…” you pouted quietly, childishly, as you rubbed your face into his chest like a cat.
And somehow, his eyes fluttered open. “Hm?”
You were too lost in your tears, wetting his pyjama shirt and softly sniffling that you didn’t notice him stirring awake.
His hand flew up to your head in worry. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying, pretty?” His voice was deep and rough.
You gasped, head shooting up, “you woke up! Oh my god, Heeseung! You won’t believe this! It’s snowing outside!”
He blinked for a moment. Then a low chuckle escaped him, clearly taken by surprise, “yeah? That’s why you’re crying?” He gently pushed your hair behind your ear. His thumb swiped at the corner of your eye. You shook your head, but the stubborn tears managed to fill your eyes yet again.
“Then why is my big girl crying? Hm?”
“I- I don’t know.” You felt so silly. He’d definitely laugh at you if you told him.
He didn’t say anything at first. Just continued to stroke your cheekbone as he gazed at you with the softest eyes.
“You thought I died or something?”
You gasped a wet laugh. “What? No!” You slapped his chest.
A lazy smile spread across his face. Suddenly, he sat up and leaned against the headboard. He pulled you on his lap and cradled your head against his chest. His naked chest was peeking out of his unbuttoned shirt as he wrapped his arms around you trying to shield you from the cold world. Or anything that was making you cry. He pressed a kiss on your forehead and started rocking you slowly as if you were his baby.
“You said it’s snowing?” He asked after a while. He always talked to you very softly and cautiously, but whenever you were crying and vulnerable he became even more gentle. As if he was afraid you would break if he wasn’t careful enough.
You nodded frequently against his chest, doe and shimmery eyes glancing at him.
“Yeah?” He chuckled under his breath. He couldn’t help but find you so cute, so adorable at this moment. His heart squeezed in adoration. His hand cupped your soft cheek, stroking it gently.
For a while, he just gazed at you softly, taking his time to caress you and soak you in. He pressed a kiss on your forehead. Your eyes fluttered at his soft lips loving you, his kiss lingering on your skin even after he separated.
“You wanna watch the snowfall?” His voice was tender, as if he knew what and what not to say when you’re all vulnerable in his arms.
“Oh, yes!! Please, please, please!!” You nodded eagerly and quickly stood up. You took his hand to drag him towards the door and basically pulled him out of the sheets.
You were determined to share the most beautiful sight with the love of your life.
“Wait-“ he halted, tugging you back, his hair messy in the cutest and sleepiest way, “wait. Where are you going? Baby-“ he was so amused by your antics, “we have a window here, pretty.”
“Oh- No! We have to go downstairs, the view from the living room is a lot better!” You pulled him with you without any hesitation. His big and firmer hand wrapped around your smaller, soft one. His heart swelled up. He didn’t dare to protest, you were just the cutest being so he let you lead him to wherever your heart desired.
You gasped dramatically once you stood in front of the window. “Look at the view, Seungie!” You let go of his warm hand and pushed the curtains away to show him more of the view.
“Isn’t it so beautiful??” You awed with bright, sparkling eyes, hands on the cool glass as you watched the snowflakes dancing in the air.
Heeseung leaned against the big window, arms crossed as he hummed. His sleepy, sluggish demeanour was a huge contrast to your excited, giddy one. He sighed heavily, his head resting on the glass as the coolness seeped into his skin.
You whipped your head at him, “it’s so beautiful, isn’t it??” You tried again after he didn’t give an answer. He nodded lazily, barely managing to keep his eyes open. His eyes shifted to you, lingering on your bare arms and the way your body was trembling almost unnoticeably. But never unnoticed by him.
A disappointed, accusatory frown appeared on your face, “you’re not even looking, baby.”
A yawn escaped from his mouth as he lazily stretched his arms. He then pulled you into his embrace. His head rested comfortably on your shoulder as his arms wrapped around around your waist. Your hands automatically rested on his firm forearms. He pressed a soft kiss on your shoulder before rubbing his face against it, his movements were sluggish and lazy.
“ ‘m lookin” he mumbled against the crook of your neck. He looked up and kissed your cheek, arms tightening around you. One hand rubbed your chilled, naked arm, “ ‘s pretty”. He lingered a kiss on your neck. “So pretty,” he repeated before he rested his chin on your shoulder, his face half buried in your hair and neck.
You giggled excitedly, “I know!! The snow is soooo pretty.”
Heeseung chuckled under his breath and pressed himself further against your back, wrapping you even tighter in his arms.
“Really pretty,” he hummed.
He definitely wasn’t talking about the view. Matter of fact, when he had you in his arms like this, he couldn’t care less about some snow.
You let out an existed gasp, an idea striking you. You turned in his embrace. “Babe! Let’s go outside! The snow is still untouched, oh my god- this will be so fun!”
His eyebrows raised in surprised, “huh?”
“Please, please, please! A snowfall during the night is the best thing to experience!! You gotta trust me on this one!” Suddenly, you unwrapped yourself from his arms. You already made up your mind that you were going out with your boyfriend. At midnight. In the cold.
“Wait-“ his hand caught you before you were out of reach. “Baby-“ he chuckled softly, tired eyes flickering with amusement. “We can’t go outside- it’s midnight, baby.” His other hand wrapped around your waist.
“But that’s the point! You have to experience the first snowfall of the year outside. And during night it’s even more beautiful!”
“Baby-“ he pulled you closer to his chest, his hand cupping your cheek. His thumb glided over your cheek as he shook his head subtly, “it’s very late-“
“But that’s the fun part-! Look it’s even full moon-!”
He shook his head yet again, “babygirl… I gotta go to sleep…”
Your shoulders sagged visibly, “oh-“
His tired eyes continued to look at you with the fondest expression. “We gotta sleep, hm? It’s late. I have work tomorrow.” He kissed your forehead, “we can do this another time. Let’s go to bed for now.”
Your heart tightened at that. Another time.
That’s what he always told you.
Always ‘another time’.
Always ‘I have no time’.
Always ‘I’m too tired’.
Your throat tightened painfully. You always have work. The words lingered on your tongue. But you held yourself back.
He is tired. Don’t be selfish. You reminded yourself.
You blinked your eyes repeatedly before he could notice. You merely nodded, feeling already hopeless and defeated.
When you were settled back in your bed, you somehow managed to lie furthest away from him. Usually, you would always have some kind of closeness when falling asleep — hands intertwined, bodies spooning, legs tangled together, his hand on your waist, or your feet nestled between his legs — whatever it was, your bodies were always touching.
At first, he didn’t think much of it — sleep already fogging his mind as soon as his head hit the pillow.
“Love you, pretty. G’night.” He murmured sleepily. Your back was facing him, and you couldn’t bring yourself to answer him because of the painful lump forming in your throat. You couldn’t shift closer to your boyfriend. Not because you were mad at him, of course not — he never gave you a reason to be angry at him. But you couldn’t help but feel hurt. The pain in your heart was just hurting too much. And you knew that as soon as you get in his warm embrace you would start crying.
Suddenly, his strong arm wrapped around your waist and swiftly pulled you across the bed to his chest. He buried his face in your hair, “I said I Iove you, baby.” He repeated in a low tone.
Your lips began to tremble. A single teardrop slid down your temple. He pressed a gentle kiss on your shoulder, “why’re you not answerin’? My princess ‘s already sleepin’?” His hand splayed across your stomach, your back resting warmly against his chest. “Hm?” You shook your head.
“What’s the matter, baby? Are you mad at me?” Your heart ached at his soft tone. It hurt you even more to hear that he thought you were mad at him.
You shook your head again, mumbling a wet, “‘course not.”
“Then tell me what’s wrong. Why’s my pretty princess not answering me?”
And that’s all that it took. You turned around in his embrace and just started sobbing. His warmth and gentle way with you were enough for you to break.
His doe eyes widened, “why, why, why??” His arms tightened immediately in a protective manner as you buried your face in his chest, your shoulders shaking.
“What- baby, baby. What’s wrong?? Why are you crying??” That made you cry even more. Causing his heart to ache even more. “What’s wrong??”
“I- I hate your j-job.” You choked on your tears, he couldn’t even understand it.
“What?” The crease between his eyebrows intensified.
“I hate your job!” You repeated louder, though it was muffled by his chest.
“What-?” He laughed softly, his hand came up to caress your head as the other spread out on your back protectively. “You hate my job? Why?”
“Cause- cause-“ you hesitated, “you’re constantly tired and sleepy!”
His heart melted in real time. “Awww~ baby…” he laid his cheek on your head. “Is this why you were crying earlier too?”
You nodded against his chest, pouting. “I saw the snow and came to tell you because I wanted to watch the snowfall with you, but- but you weren’t waking up no matter how much I tried. And it- it makes me so sad to see you so exhausted, and- and work so hard that- that you’re too tired to do stuff like that with me. We-we already spent so little time together and whenever we’re together you’re just too tired and just sleeping. I- I hate that job of y-yours. I- I hate seeing you so- so tired and exhausted.” You hiccuped, your tears stained his shirt as you clutched onto it tightly.
He caressed your hair, trying to calm you down. He cooed, “I’m sorry, baby.” He kissed your forehead. You snuggled further into him in response. “I’m sorry for not waking up. I didn’t know you loved the snow this much.” You shook your head at that, “no, Heeseung. It’s not about the snow- it’s- it’s about-“ you couldn’t explain any further, not finding the words as you sobbed loudly.
His arms tightened around, wanting to ground your trembling body. “Baby…” he murmured worriedly.
“Shh…” he hushed in your ear, “it’s okey, it’s okey. Let it out, hm?” He patted your back soothingly. His heart ached so painfully seeing you so upset. He had never seen you this distraught, he knew that there must another reason — you were hiding something else from him.
“Baby…” he kissed your temple, mumbling against it, “it’s okey, I’m here. Hm? I’m here.” He didn’t understand why but somehow that made you cry even harder, your tears didn’t seem to have an end. He couldn’t bear to listen to it any longer, his heart was tearing at every sob.
He cupped your cheek to tilt your face to him. “Hey, hey, hey, baby. What’s wrong? Why are you crying so much…? You’re breaking my heart, babygirl.” He kissed your swollen eyelids, one by one. Then your reddish nose, followed by a kiss on your forehead. “Don’t cry… please.” You sniffled softly, slowly calming down due to his gentle kisses and soft tone. He always spoke so gently with you.
“What’s wrong, princess? Did something else happen?” He tried, his hand caressing your cheek as the other held you close to him. You hiccuped under your breath, trying to calm down. You shook your head in denial, but he saw right through you. He tilted his head softly, doe eyes waiting patiently for you. Your lower lip jutted out as the corners of your lips went down.
“Come on, princess. Tell me. You need to tell me what’s making you upset.” He pecked the corner of your sad lips.
You hesitated for a moment. “A few days ago…” you started, he nodded immediately, his bambi eyes encouraging you, “I mean- a few nights ago, I had a dream-“ your eyes filled with tears, “I dreamed that you- that you left- left me.” A sob left your mouth, the tears blurred your vision again. His eyebrows furrowed instantly.
“I dreamed that you left- left me. Out of nowhere. It was so sudden and unexpected. In my dream, I woke up to text messages from you where you said that you had other dreams and that being with me was getting in your way of achieving them.” You hiccuped, the pain resurfaced saying it out loud like that. Your voice became timid: “You told me that our relationship was holding you back from chasing your dreams.”
“Oh princess…” he buried your wet face in his neck. But you continued: “And then you told me that you’re too tired to balance a career and a relationship and that- that you love your career… more than me-“ you sobbed louder towards the end.
He patted your trembling body, “hey… it was just a dream. Hm? Just a dream, my princess. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” His eyes became glassy, he couldn’t bear the imagination of leaving you. Hearing you talk about it ripped his heart apart into million pieces.
He kissed the top of your head as you wetted his neck, sobbing and sobbing. “I’m not leaving you, princess. Never.” His hand smoothed over your trembling back, the other never leaving the back of your head, “it was just a dream...”
“But- but it felt so real.” You sobbed.
“I know. I know.” He murmured against your temple, lips lingering there to soothe you. “But I’m here. You’re in my arms. I’m never leaving you.” He pulled away a little to look at your tear streaked face. “I hate seeing you cry like this.” He spoke as he wiped the tears away. “That Heeseung in your dream? He is stupid, okey? He is not me,” he kissed your forehead, “never will be me. He is just a foolish idiot who doesn’t know how precious you are.” He kissed your flushed cheeks.
“You mean it?” Your small voice trembled. Doubt evident.
“Of course.” He answered firmly. “You’re my beautiful princess, alright? The most precious possession I own. I could never be so stupid and leave you behind, do you understand?” You nodded against his neck. “I love you so much, my angel.” He caressed your hair, “I will never leave you. I promise. You have no idea how much I depend on you. I can’t imagine a life without you. Never.”
His throat tightened, “I know it gets exhausting to date me. I know it’s not easy. I don’t have an ordinary life. But if I tell you you’re all I have, then I’m begging you to believe me. I promise it will get better. Our relationship will not stay like this forever. There are better days ahead. Days where I won’t be as busy anymore. And I’m truly, truly grateful that I have such a patient and understanding partner. I truly am.”
He grasped your hand and kissed your knuckles one after another. He then rested your intertwined hands on his chest, right above his heart.
“And I want you to know one thing: There are many things I want to achieve in life. Many dreams that have yet to be fulfilled. But there is not a single dream of mine that doesn’t have you in it. There’s no future for me without you. A future without you simply doesn’t exist.”
The lump in your throat appeared once again. Your eyes met his though your vision was blurry, yet again.
“Promise?” Your voice was rough from crying so much.
“I promise, angel.” He hook your pinky with his own and pressed a kiss on it. “Pinky promise,” he whispered.
You nodded, blinking your teary eyes as you settled on his chest again, seeking comfort.
“I love you so much, princess. More than you can ever imagine.”
You nodded against his chest, tightening your own arms around his torso, afraid he might disappear.
“I love you too, Heeseungie.” You rapsed, exhaustion now catching up to you.
Heeseung’s heartbeat underneath you lulled you steadily and quickly into sleep, your eyes fluttered shut.
His hand rested on your cheek, thumb drawing circles on it before he pressed a good night kiss on your forehead. After a while of caressing your cheek and patting your back, he spoke again:
“I promise, tomorrow, before I leave for work we will play in the snow, okey? We can build a snowman together.”
Silence answered him.
When he glanced down, he realized that you were already knocked out on his chest. He chuckled under his breath.
“Look at you, princess. Knocked out in under a minute. You were fighting your sleep, hm? My tired baby…”
He pulled the cover over your shoulders, making sure you were snuggled in so that no cold could reach you.
“Sweet dreams, princess.”
It didn’t take long for him to quickly follow you into the world of dreams.
Sooo… i started writing this in September last year after they finished the Walk the line tour. It somehow feels off to post this now because… yk… he’s not that busy anymore with touring/high demanding schedules so it feels kinda off and not suitable anymore. But I’m cleaning up my drafts so I had to force myself to finish this. Tbh I don’t like the ending, it feels forced and unrealistic — what do you guys think? I put some elements from our current situation… ts hurt like hell, but I had this urge to put it in the fic for some reason. I was about to make a sad ending bc I’m not feeling a happy ending with what’s going on irl but idk… I thought maybe this will comfort someone. Perhaps I don’t like this happy ending because irl we will be stuck in this nightmare forever and will never wake up from it and will never be told that this was all a dream, that he never left us, that he’s still in enhypen, and we are still engenes to him… we will never have this kinda happy ending, yeah maybe that’s the reason why I don’t like it 🫠 dang…
A few people have commented that this made them cry and I was wondering what exactly made you cry? 😭 I need a little feedback so I know for future works … pls tell me which parts stuck with you… or was it emotional because of his situation irl? Because that’s the reason I cried while writing 🥲
Heeseung as a tired boyfriend is upsetting you more than you realise.
Heeseung x gf!reader — angstish with a lot of comfort because we need it
I got inspired from that one Spotify interview where they played desire or deny and when they were asked about ‘a stroll under the full moon’ Heeseung answered with deny, saying “girls… I gotta go to sleep.” He was so cheeky and cute 😆
Only his soft snores alongside the noise from the movie you had been watching together filled the room.
You slightly lifted your head from his chest, careful not to startle him. His hand which was previously buried in your hair and massaged your head had slipped off. “Baby?” You called out for him softly.
His snores continued, chest rising and falling in a rhythmic pattern under your hand. Leaning forward, you placed a soft kiss on his jaw. No response. You tried again by kissing the corner of his jaw, right next to his ear where you knew he was sensitive. He grunted and buried his face in his hoodie, still completely knocked out. You bit your lip to suppress a chuckle, kissing along his neck and jaw. “Baby~” you kissed his cheek, “wake up, my love. You can’t sleep here, baby.” Now you were trailing your kisses to his chin and nose, purposefully missing out on his soft, kissable lips.
His eyes fluttered, he looked at you with a dazed vision. “Hm?” Heavy eyes met yours.
"Baby, you can't sleep here, my love." You rubbed your nose against his. He didn't respond right away. His hand buried in your hair again and pulled you closer to him. You gasped softly, the strenght in your arms giving out. You fell right on his body, now completely sprawled over him. His cheek rubbed on your forehead as he pressed your face into the crook of his neck which was covered by his hoodie.
"You woke me up." He complained with a rough voice, softness seeping through when he wrapped his other arm tighter around your waist.
"I'm sorry, bambi." You kissed his hamster like cheek, the nickname you gave him melted his heart everytime. "I wish I could carry you to bed, but you're too heavy for me." Heeseung chuckled under his breath, eyelids fighting against sleep. "That would be weird...", he murmured, exhaustion never vanishing from his voice.
"I don't like to be woken up," he started lazily, "but if it's you waking me up with kisses like this..." he pulled you further into his embrace, "then it’s okey."
You looked up, cheeks flushed due to warmth of candles and the fireplace breathing through your apartment. His heart fluttered at the sight. Softness bloomed through his veins, his eyes, though still heavy with drowsiness, now shimmered with fondness and affection.
You kissed his chin, "I'm glad you're giving your girlfriend this privilige," you giggled. His eyes softened even more. "Always,” he whispered more to himself than to you.
"Let's go to-" you yelped when Heeseung pulled you back to him as you were about to lift yourself up from his body.
"Hee-" You were cut off by a kiss on your lips. You sighed softly, his hand tilting your head so he could aim your soft lips accurately. Your body melted into his all over again.
“You forgot to kiss me here.” He mumbled against your lips, eyes twinkling mischievously.
The warm glow across your cheeks deepened. “You’re so annoying,” you whispered back, ears getting hot and lips brushing his. “Let’s get ready for bed, silly.”
In bed, your head rested on Heeseung’s chest, now clothed in pyjamas and not his hoodie and sweatpants anymore. The comfortable and warm weight of your body on his soothed him steadily to sleep.
And when it suddenly disappeared, he groggily stirred awake. “Where you goin’?” His hand lazily reached out for you though you already had slipped away from his reach.
“I’m just getting a glass of water, baby,” you whispered, leaning down to press a kiss on the arch of his eyebrow. “Go back to sleep.”
He responded with a gibberish “hurry up” before his consciousness slowly slipped away. Even though he looked dead to the world, his subconscious was still alert to every sound from you. The footsteps tapping down the stairs, the light switch clicking, the cabinet door closing.
But then there was absolute silence.
A frown appeared on Heeseung’s face. He was still way too gone to actually wake up, but his instincts couldn’t ignore your ongoing absence. Unconsciously, he purred into his pillow in distress, his face burying in it as his arm stretched towards your side of the bed.
Suddenly, hurried footsteps echoed through the house. You ripped the door open, but your boyfriend was now fast asleep.
“Oh my god! Heeseung! Wake up! You gotta see this!” You began as you crawled on the bed towards him. You shook him gently by his shoulders.
He grunted, face burying even further into his pillow.
“Baby, baby! Wake up!”
“Hm.”
“Baby, please~” You tried to lift him up, of course it was an unnecessary attempt — he didn’t budge one bit.
“Heeseung! You’re not gonna believe it! It’s snowing outside!”
“Hm?”
“It’s snowing!”
“M-hm.” He grunted in fake acknowledgment.
“Baby, please, you need to see it! It looks so beautiful!” You laid on top of him as you nestled your head next to his. “Please, please, please.”
“Mhmmm…” he grunted again, almost inaudible this time.
“Please~!” Your hands cupped his face. “Baby, please, wake up.” You pouted. Genuine hurt cracked through your voice. How could you enjoy the first snowfall of the year without your boyfriend? “You have to watch it with me…”
A quiet, frustrated whimper elicited from your throat. Defeated, you rested your head on his chest.
He was way too exhausted. He worked so much and so hard. There was no chance he would wake up after the back to back concerts he just had. For some reason, it brought tears to your eyes.
“Stupid boyfriend…” you pouted quietly, childishly, as you rubbed your face into his chest like a cat.
And somehow, his eyes fluttered open. “Hm?”
You were too lost in your tears, wetting his pyjama shirt and softly sniffling that you didn’t notice him stirring awake.
His hand flew up to your head in worry. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying, pretty?” His voice was deep and rough.
You gasped, head shooting up, “you woke up! Oh my god, Heeseung! You won’t believe this! It’s snowing outside!”
He blinked for a moment. Then a low chuckle escaped him, clearly taken by surprise, “yeah? That’s why you’re crying?” He gently pushed your hair behind your ear. His thumb swiped at the corner of your eye. You shook your head, but the stubborn tears managed to fill your eyes yet again.
“Then why is my big girl crying? Hm?”
“I- I don’t know.” You felt so silly. He’d definitely laugh at you if you told him.
He didn’t say anything at first. Just continued to stroke your cheekbone as he gazed at you with the softest eyes.
“You thought I died or something?”
You gasped a wet laugh. “What? No!” You slapped his chest.
A lazy smile spread across his face. Suddenly, he sat up and leaned against the headboard. He pulled you on his lap and cradled your head against his chest. His naked chest was peeking out of his unbuttoned shirt as he wrapped his arms around you trying to shield you from the cold world. Or anything that was making you cry. He pressed a kiss on your forehead and started rocking you slowly as if you were his baby.
“You said it’s snowing?” He asked after a while. He always talked to you very softly and cautiously, but whenever you were crying and vulnerable he became even more gentle. As if he was afraid you would break if he wasn’t careful enough.
You nodded frequently against his chest, doe and shimmery eyes glancing at him.
“Yeah?” He chuckled under his breath. He couldn’t help but find you so cute, so adorable at this moment. His heart squeezed in adoration. His hand cupped your soft cheek, stroking it gently.
For a while, he just gazed at you softly, taking his time to caress you and soak you in. He pressed a kiss on your forehead. Your eyes fluttered at his soft lips loving you, his kiss lingering on your skin even after he separated.
“You wanna watch the snowfall?” His voice was tender, as if he knew what and what not to say when you’re all vulnerable in his arms.
“Oh, yes!! Please, please, please!!” You nodded eagerly and quickly stood up. You took his hand to drag him towards the door and basically pulled him out of the sheets.
You were determined to share the most beautiful sight with the love of your life.
“Wait-“ he halted, tugging you back, his hair messy in the cutest and sleepiest way, “wait. Where are you going? Baby-“ he was so amused by your antics, “we have a window here, pretty.”
“Oh- No! We have to go downstairs, the view from the living room is a lot better!” You pulled him with you without any hesitation. His big and firmer hand wrapped around your smaller, soft one. His heart swelled up. He didn’t dare to protest, you were just the cutest being so he let you lead him to wherever your heart desired.
You gasped dramatically once you stood in front of the window. “Look at the view, Seungie!” You let go of his warm hand and pushed the curtains away to show him more of the view.
“Isn’t it so beautiful??” You awed with bright, sparkling eyes, hands on the cool glass as you watched the snowflakes dancing in the air.
Heeseung leaned against the big window, arms crossed as he hummed. His sleepy, sluggish demeanour was a huge contrast to your excited, giddy one. He sighed heavily, his head resting on the glass as the coolness seeped into his skin.
You whipped your head at him, “it’s so beautiful, isn’t it??” You tried again after he didn’t give an answer. He nodded lazily, barely managing to keep his eyes open. His eyes shifted to you, lingering on your bare arms and the way your body was trembling almost unnoticeably. But never unnoticed by him.
A disappointed, accusatory frown appeared on your face, “you’re not even looking, baby.”
A yawn escaped from his mouth as he lazily stretched his arms. He then pulled you into his embrace. His head rested comfortably on your shoulder as his arms wrapped around around your waist. Your hands automatically rested on his firm forearms. He pressed a soft kiss on your shoulder before rubbing his face against it, his movements were sluggish and lazy.
“ ‘m lookin” he mumbled against the crook of your neck. He looked up and kissed your cheek, arms tightening around you. One hand rubbed your chilled, naked arm, “ ‘s pretty”. He lingered a kiss on your neck. “So pretty,” he repeated before he rested his chin on your shoulder, his face half buried in your hair and neck.
You giggled excitedly, “I know!! The snow is soooo pretty.”
Heeseung chuckled under his breath and pressed himself further against your back, wrapping you even tighter in his arms.
“Really pretty,” he hummed.
He definitely wasn’t talking about the view. Matter of fact, when he had you in his arms like this, he couldn’t care less about some snow.
You let out an existed gasp, an idea striking you. You turned in his embrace. “Babe! Let’s go outside! The snow is still untouched, oh my god- this will be so fun!”
His eyebrows raised in surprised, “huh?”
“Please, please, please! A snowfall during the night is the best thing to experience!! You gotta trust me on this one!” Suddenly, you unwrapped yourself from his arms. You already made up your mind that you were going out with your boyfriend. At midnight. In the cold.
“Wait-“ his hand caught you before you were out of reach. “Baby-“ he chuckled softly, tired eyes flickering with amusement. “We can’t go outside- it’s midnight, baby.” His other hand wrapped around your waist.
“But that’s the point! You have to experience the first snowfall of the year outside. And during night it’s even more beautiful!”
“Baby-“ he pulled you closer to his chest, his hand cupping your cheek. His thumb glided over your cheek as he shook his head subtly, “it’s very late-“
“But that’s the fun part-! Look it’s even full moon-!”
He shook his head yet again, “babygirl… I gotta go to sleep…”
Your shoulders sagged visibly, “oh-“
His tired eyes continued to look at you with the fondest expression. “We gotta sleep, hm? It’s late. I have work tomorrow.” He kissed your forehead, “we can do this another time. Let’s go to bed for now.”
Your heart tightened at that. Another time.
That’s what he always told you.
Always ‘another time’.
Always ‘I have no time’.
Always ‘I’m too tired’.
Your throat tightened painfully. You always have work. The words lingered on your tongue. But you held yourself back.
He is tired. Don’t be selfish. You reminded yourself.
You blinked your eyes repeatedly before he could notice. You merely nodded, feeling already hopeless and defeated.
When you were settled back in your bed, you somehow managed to lie furthest away from him. Usually, you would always have some kind of closeness when falling asleep — hands intertwined, bodies spooning, legs tangled together, his hand on your waist, or your feet nestled between his legs — whatever it was, your bodies were always touching.
At first, he didn’t think much of it — sleep already fogging his mind as soon as his head hit the pillow.
“Love you, pretty. G’night.” He murmured sleepily. Your back was facing him, and you couldn’t bring yourself to answer him because of the painful lump forming in your throat. You couldn’t shift closer to your boyfriend. Not because you were mad at him, of course not — he never gave you a reason to be angry at him. But you couldn’t help but feel hurt. The pain in your heart was just hurting too much. And you knew that as soon as you get in his warm embrace you would start crying.
Suddenly, his strong arm wrapped around your waist and swiftly pulled you across the bed to his chest. He buried his face in your hair, “I said I Iove you, baby.” He repeated in a low tone.
Your lips began to tremble. A single teardrop slid down your temple. He pressed a gentle kiss on your shoulder, “why’re you not answerin’? My princess ‘s already sleepin’?” His hand splayed across your stomach, your back resting warmly against his chest. “Hm?” You shook your head.
“What’s the matter, baby? Are you mad at me?” Your heart ached at his soft tone. It hurt you even more to hear that he thought you were mad at him.
You shook your head again, mumbling a wet, “‘course not.”
“Then tell me what’s wrong. Why’s my pretty princess not answering me?”
And that’s all that it took. You turned around in his embrace and just started sobbing. His warmth and gentle way with you were enough for you to break.
His doe eyes widened, “why, why, why??” His arms tightened immediately in a protective manner as you buried your face in his chest, your shoulders shaking.
“What- baby, baby. What’s wrong?? Why are you crying??” That made you cry even more. Causing his heart to ache even more. “What’s wrong??”
“I- I hate your j-job.” You choked on your tears, he couldn’t even understand it.
“What?” The crease between his eyebrows intensified.
“I hate your job!” You repeated louder, though it was muffled by his chest.
“What-?” He laughed softly, his hand came up to caress your head as the other spread out on your back protectively. “You hate my job? Why?”
“Cause- cause-“ you hesitated, “you’re constantly tired and sleepy!”
His heart melted in real time. “Awww~ baby…” he laid his cheek on your head. “Is this why you were crying earlier too?”
You nodded against his chest, pouting. “I saw the snow and came to tell you because I wanted to watch the snowfall with you, but- but you weren’t waking up no matter how much I tried. And it- it makes me so sad to see you so exhausted, and- and work so hard that- that you’re too tired to do stuff like that with me. We-we already spent so little time together and whenever we’re together you’re just too tired and just sleeping. I- I hate that job of y-yours. I- I hate seeing you so- so tired and exhausted.” You hiccuped, your tears stained his shirt as you clutched onto it tightly.
He caressed your hair, trying to calm you down. He cooed, “I’m sorry, baby.” He kissed your forehead. You snuggled further into him in response. “I’m sorry for not waking up. I didn’t know you loved the snow this much.” You shook your head at that, “no, Heeseung. It’s not about the snow- it’s- it’s about-“ you couldn’t explain any further, not finding the words as you sobbed loudly.
His arms tightened around, wanting to ground your trembling body. “Baby…” he murmured worriedly.
“Shh…” he hushed in your ear, “it’s okey, it’s okey. Let it out, hm?” He patted your back soothingly. His heart ached so painfully seeing you so upset. He had never seen you this distraught, he knew that there must another reason — you were hiding something else from him.
“Baby…” he kissed your temple, mumbling against it, “it’s okey, I’m here. Hm? I’m here.” He didn’t understand why but somehow that made you cry even harder, your tears didn’t seem to have an end. He couldn’t bear to listen to it any longer, his heart was tearing at every sob.
He cupped your cheek to tilt your face to him. “Hey, hey, hey, baby. What’s wrong? Why are you crying so much…? You’re breaking my heart, babygirl.” He kissed your swollen eyelids, one by one. Then your reddish nose, followed by a kiss on your forehead. “Don’t cry… please.” You sniffled softly, slowly calming down due to his gentle kisses and soft tone. He always spoke so gently with you.
“What’s wrong, princess? Did something else happen?” He tried, his hand caressing your cheek as the other held you close to him. You hiccuped under your breath, trying to calm down. You shook your head in denial, but he saw right through you. He tilted his head softly, doe eyes waiting patiently for you. Your lower lip jutted out as the corners of your lips went down.
“Come on, princess. Tell me. You need to tell me what’s making you upset.” He pecked the corner of your sad lips.
You hesitated for a moment. “A few days ago…” you started, he nodded immediately, his bambi eyes encouraging you, “I mean- a few nights ago, I had a dream-“ your eyes filled with tears, “I dreamed that you- that you left- left me.” A sob left your mouth, the tears blurred your vision again. His eyebrows furrowed instantly.
“I dreamed that you left- left me. Out of nowhere. It was so sudden and unexpected. In my dream, I woke up to text messages from you where you said that you had other dreams and that being with me was getting in your way of achieving them.” You hiccuped, the pain resurfaced saying it out loud like that. Your voice became timid: “You told me that our relationship was holding you back from chasing your dreams.”
“Oh princess…” he buried your wet face in his neck. But you continued: “And then you told me that you’re too tired to balance a career and a relationship and that- that you love your career… more than me-“ you sobbed louder towards the end.
He patted your trembling body, “hey… it was just a dream. Hm? Just a dream, my princess. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” His eyes became glassy, he couldn’t bear the imagination of leaving you. Hearing you talk about it ripped his heart apart into million pieces.
He kissed the top of your head as you wetted his neck, sobbing and sobbing. “I’m not leaving you, princess. Never.” His hand smoothed over your trembling back, the other never leaving the back of your head, “it was just a dream...”
“But- but it felt so real.” You sobbed.
“I know. I know.” He murmured against your temple, lips lingering there to soothe you. “But I’m here. You’re in my arms. I’m never leaving you.” He pulled away a little to look at your tear streaked face. “I hate seeing you cry like this.” He spoke as he wiped the tears away. “That Heeseung in your dream? He is stupid, okey? He is not me,” he kissed your forehead, “never will be me. He is just a foolish idiot who doesn’t know how precious you are.” He kissed your flushed cheeks.
“You mean it?” Your small voice trembled. Doubt evident.
“Of course.” He answered firmly. “You’re my beautiful princess, alright? The most precious possession I own. I could never be so stupid and leave you behind, do you understand?” You nodded against his neck. “I love you so much, my angel.” He caressed your hair, “I will never leave you. I promise. You have no idea how much I depend on you. I can’t imagine a life without you. Never.”
His throat tightened, “I know it gets exhausting to date me. I know it’s not easy. I don’t have an ordinary life. But if I tell you you’re all I have, then I’m begging you to believe me. I promise it will get better. Our relationship will not stay like this forever. There are better days ahead. Days where I won’t be as busy anymore. And I’m truly, truly grateful that I have such a patient and understanding partner. I truly am.”
He grasped your hand and kissed your knuckles one after another. He then rested your intertwined hands on his chest, right above his heart.
“And I want you to know one thing: There are many things I want to achieve in life. Many dreams that have yet to be fulfilled. But there is not a single dream of mine that doesn’t have you in it. There’s no future for me without you. A future without you simply doesn’t exist.”
The lump in your throat appeared once again. Your eyes met his though your vision was blurry, yet again.
“Promise?” Your voice was rough from crying so much.
“I promise, angel.” He hook your pinky with his own and pressed a kiss on it. “Pinky promise,” he whispered.
You nodded, blinking your teary eyes as you settled on his chest again, seeking comfort.
“I love you so much, princess. More than you can ever imagine.”
You nodded against his chest, tightening your own arms around his torso, afraid he might disappear.
“I love you too, Heeseungie.” You rapsed, exhaustion now catching up to you.
Heeseung’s heartbeat underneath you lulled you steadily and quickly into sleep, your eyes fluttered shut.
His hand rested on your cheek, thumb drawing circles on it before he pressed a good night kiss on your forehead. After a while of caressing your cheek and patting your back, he spoke again:
“I promise, tomorrow, before I leave for work we will play in the snow, okey? We can build a snowman together.”
Silence answered him.
When he glanced down, he realized that you were already knocked out on his chest. He chuckled under his breath.
“Look at you, princess. Knocked out in under a minute. You were fighting your sleep, hm? My tired baby…”
He pulled the cover over your shoulders, making sure you were snuggled in so that no cold could reach you.
“Sweet dreams, princess.”
It didn’t take long for him to quickly follow you into the world of dreams.
Sooo… i started writing this in September last year after they finished the Walk the line tour. It somehow feels off to post this now because… yk… he’s not that busy anymore with touring/high demanding schedules so it feels kinda off and not suitable anymore. But I’m cleaning up my drafts so I had to force myself to finish this. Tbh I don’t like the ending, it feels forced and unrealistic — what do you guys think? I put some elements from our current situation… ts hurt like hell, but I had this urge to put it in the fic for some reason. I was about to make a sad ending bc I’m not feeling a happy ending with what’s going on irl but idk… I thought maybe this will comfort someone. Perhaps I don’t like this happy ending because irl we will be stuck in this nightmare forever and will never wake up from it and will never be told that this was all a dream, that he never left us, that he’s still in enhypen, and we are still engenes to him… we will never have this kinda happy ending, yeah maybe that’s the reason why I don’t like it 🫠 dang…
