The angel from hell and back...

[your-angel-from-hell-blog]

Ooooh happy happy joy joy

[your-angel-from-hell-blog]

Life Update :

I've relapsed and am back to self harming again ... and I've become suicidal again but I'm not starving myself as badly anymore so that's a positive.

[your-angel-from-hell-blog]

[your-angel-from-hell-blog]

~in my mind~ I'm not okay I'm not fine I'm not good I'm not alright I'm not any better ~what I say~ I'm okay I'm fine I'm good I'm alright I'm getting better

[your-angel-from-hell-blog]

I'm really really not okay. Funny how abuse can be forgiven when you think you are .. no actually funny how abuse can be forgiven , forgotten and buried deep when you're in love. The one who was the only one who could make it okay also fantasized about killing you and scared you and put their hands around your neck.

[your-angel-from-hell-blog]

Me and Eli ... well we aren't together anymore. He broke up with me over Facebook in a group chat with one of my best friend's on Monday. I loved him , I really did but there is nothing I can do about it. I am in a new relationship. I have no idea what is going to happen but its a fresh start.

[your-angel-from-hell-blog]

There are so many things I want to ask you Eli but am too afraid to and I need a proper detailed answer and I want the truth because I am dying inside and with everything that is happening im so unsure of everything and everyone and I feel like I have no meaning like im worthless to you . I need to proven otherwise . I want to ask you why you love me and I want a proper answer other than "cause" . I want to ask why do you want to be with me . I want to ask what would you do if I died . I want to ask what is worth it about me . I want to ask you why don't you come to me when you need someone anymore . I want to ask you do you actually need me . I want to ask you are you willing to risk it all for me . I want to ask you do you actually want to be with me or are you planning to break up with me . I want to ask you do you regret proposing to me. I want you to stop lying to me . I want you to actually want to be with me and love me and be there for me and for I to be here for you , to help each other. I want to actually spend one on one time together . I want trust you and I want you to trust me . I want you to listen to me. I want you to realise that CLOE HAS BEEN DRUGING YOU WITH LACED WEED AND NOT TELLING YOU AND CONVINCING YOU TO FUCK HER AND FINGER HER AND MAKE OUT WITH HER AND SHE HAS BEEN TELLING ME ALL ABOUT IT WHEN SHE'S HIGH AND THAT SHE TELLS ME SHE IS STARTING TO LOVE YOU AND JACOB KNOWS THAT YOU'VE FUCKED AND FINGERED HER AND MADE OUT WITH HER AND HE'S SO MESSED UP ABOUT IT AND IM WORRIED IM GOING TO LOSE YOU TO HER AND I NEED YOU TO TELL ME OTHERWISE ! I want you to be very careful around her and not to EVER get anything off her again. ... I need you to show or prove to me that you love me and that I am worth it cause it's gotten that bad I don't even believe that you do love and want me now.

[your-angel-from-hell-blog]

Both of you GET OFF NOW!

You're a dick and you're horrible , both of you get off my tumblr. Please and thank you.

[your-angel-from-hell-blog]

update

I took a break from tumblr , I didn't mean to like it wasn't planned . I took a break because I was starting to fall apart again and this time I fell hard and fast and when I hit the bottom it was exactly how I was . The breakdowns , the anxiety , the stress , the self harm , the refusing to eat , the suicidal thoughts , the punching things ... the voices they all were back and no one could really help but I wasn't alone through all of it but sometimes I was . Eli and I were fighting so he had no idea what was really going on even though I tried to tell him he was busy being mad at me for I don't know and didn't help . Cloe ... she was distant and dealing with stuff and became numb so she didn't know how to help. Justine (I've never really mentioned some of these people before) and Josh and Beck and Ulf did their best to help and I honestly thank them for being there. I hung out with Cloe one day instead of going to school and she started to help again and we started getting closer again and sorted out one of the main reasons for my stress. It wasn't until Thursday evening to night that I dunno it just started to feel okay again , Eli and I didn't fight we just were how we usually are . Then on Friday night/morning he just started helping again and being there for me and caring. Things are still just getting better , it's not completely alright but it's getting better and I really really hope that it continues to keep getting better .

[your-angel-from-hell-blog]

Hay , just incase nobody has told you this .. i'm so happy you're alive

[your-angel-from-hell-blog]

10 days...

There's gonna be ten days when i'm all alone ... but it's dangerous for me to be alone ... but i still will be , wasn't by choice just happened .

[words-of-emotion]

[sharpiewashere-deactivated20220]

Imagine...

what Jimmy would Vine.

[your-angel-from-hell-blog]

what is wrong with me im meant to be happy . im meant to not be sad . especially not around you but all i think about is the shit that makes me break and makes me wanna kill myself. And honestly I need you now i need to hear that i will be alright and that you really do love me , that its not just a broken teenagers dolusion .

[badnewsbhrsy]

bus stop doodles

[your-angel-from-hell-blog]

I just want my best friend out of there so she isnt sad and scared but she was put in there because she got worse and she needs to get better . I just wish she have gotten better outside of that place cause now I miss her so so much and the tube I look at it and all I think is that she wont eat and all the things she goes through now with the extra of being stuck in there.

[your-angel-from-hell-blog]

I have a really big fear that I will be oblivious to what my future children are going through like my pearents are.