Stuff That You Can't Say,

But you can definitely write it. (Thoughts & poetry)

[your-other-write]

20 Days Later, Mission Accomplished

I want to be where there is good music. I want to be where there's people dancing. I want to feel alive. I'm tired of sitting in my empty shell and feeling my blood rot.

[your-other-write]

It's Just Not The Same

I know you care Deep down inside, You think of me, But I can't be held down To metal chains that cut my ankles. And I know you've changed, You don't see it, But I do. Hey I've changed too And that's why I love to be without you I'm counting down the days till you'll disappear, I'm waiting to be free from such obligations. I bet you're counting with me. But you don't seem to realize the few days we have left. And I think I'll just stay away for a while... When you send me empty messages and remarks full of air I just stare At the different person you've become And the way you feel the need to make me feel so low And how you think it's necessary to make me feel so bad. It seems we're drifting, When we had just gotten so close... And I feel it every day And every time I see your name I can't help but look away It's just not the same.

[your-other-write]

12:24am

It just one of those nights Where I can't stop thinking And I'm having conversations with you in my head And I can picture me talking to you as you sit next to me nodding your head. I'm spilling my heart out about how sad I feel and how mad I feel. How scared I was and how lost I felt. And coincidentally it happened months ago but it still hurts me so. And I cannot seem to quiet down The words are spilling out of me like there's nothing to hide. I'm telling you stories from beginning to end Not missing any details And if I try to come back to reality I drift off in only one second And I'm back in my imagination With you sitting next to me My hands in my lap with my head down Mouth doesn't stop moving Because there's so much to tell. And it doesn't matter if we've had this conversation before Because you've never actually heard it And my brain has no intention of hitting the brakes, not even for a second.

[your-other-write]

Birthday

The day when I cast your soul to my back pocket. When I finally threw my hands up and smiled You can do me no more wrong. I've knocked the sand out my shoes You rolled out and under my bed. I'd peek down to see your sad sorry eyes, But I just couldn't care so I walk away with a skip to my step. I let you crawl in the dark because you're in my past now. To all that's been done wrong to me. I just couldn't care anymore what car you drive or where you spend your days counting pennies. No I wouldn't ask about your hobbies and I don't wonder how much you remember of me. Today you were born and I stumbled upon the day like a stranger around the corner. No I don't count the days and I won't send you wishes. Your roses have rotted in a silver heart And the box of chocolates is fed to dirt. Maybe you'll have a good day And maybe you'll want me to think of you And maybe you'll want me to miss you, wish I was there, But my hands are up and dusted of your dumb jokes, lack of compassion, and apathy for friendship. Have a good day, have a good life And Happy Birthday.

[your-other-write]

Drowning Heart

Let down again and again I'm way too deep to float away You've got an anchor on my leg And you're dragging me down Deeper and deeper Till I can see the ocean blue turn black with your disappointment Writing it in my scrap paper diary is so different than when I'm saying it out loud "You're in too deep" Don't you think I can see that when I've left my subconscious on the docks months ago? As if you couldn't throw me a life saver As if these tides wouldn't falter for my arms to paddle He's let me free a year ago but I've put the hook in my heart And he's dragging me down without even knowing I'm on the other side of the line "You're in too deep" Yea I'm drilled and I'm filled with every desire to stay drowned in his infection I've held my breath with my hand over my mouth and I'm waiting to explode When I think about it again it isn't hard to notice, that I'm the last one on your list When I call you up on the phone you can't hear me sinking but I assure you that I'm near the bottom of the sea And I need to start swimming up before I drown in your disease, Its the love you give me, Way too pleasing to let it go, but I'm in too deep, And I can see that you're no cure for my addiction

[your-other-write]

To Never Ruin A Moment With You

When I'm with you There's so much I want to say, But I can't get over the beautiful feeling Of sitting right next to you in silence. I've mapped out every conversation, But the moment is so lovely in your quiet company. I see me asking you dangerous questions My gaze to the window I wouldn't dare match your eyes Because I could see the pain in your heart as the daggers enter my own The truth is not what I want to hear. I can see us calm, happy, content With a grenade in my hand, Will I drop the bomb? Would I ruin this moment and cause pain onto us both? No, I never have because nothing's better than the love you don't give me It's the hope and the dreams that keep me addicted to you.

[your-other-write]

I was hammering silver nails into my throat

[your-other-write]

April 29th 12:04am

I just feel like I want to please you and I’m feeling sick.

[your-other-write]

April 20th 11:54pm

She took the melon baller and started at the back of my torso Metal spoon scoops out my muscle A crave for a carve of just a moments work And I feel myself deplete, sink, and weaken Right next to my spine My lower back And then it moves to my center back My stomach begins to churn What have you done?

[your-other-write]

April 20th 11:17pm

Getting onto the metro , I've already mapped my destination I've been here before and I'll go here again It's my choice and my destiny. And when I crawl into bed at night, My back is hunched over. I can almost feel it's swelled, In pain from the arching of work. My knees hit the mattress And I feel the soreness in every inch. So what do I call this? Well, I call it Wednesday. I call it another day. I don't have too much of a problem with it, And as I board again and again , I think I'd miss it if it were gone.

[your-other-write]

7:35pm

Today was kinda shitty. Although I can’t remember too well It kinda seems like this whole week was bad.

Not enough sleep Too much work Bored with life Dead in class Dirty looks And being ignored Deflated on the floor like a flat tire worn, looking in front of me like my life were in a picture frame. I could detach so easily. And when everything seems to be going wrong I’m not surprised I just sigh.

[your-other-write]

2:54pm

Rust colored brick wall pulls on hair strands Puppet strings on eyelashes A hinge on limbs tossed to the side Lettuce salad on tree trunks A footprint on the wall Wind pushed hair to vision It's ten percent and daisy blue outside Sixty percent on fingerprints and sand painted on fingernails Word print bench sits undead Nostalgic tones sweep ear drums Clock is drowning underwater Dust on cement Dirt on tiles Dread on keyboard keys Implied emptiness sinks lower than the ground below

[your-other-write]

April 15th

Honey Bee Honey Bee The story of the busy bee. A bright and early morning, the sun glows hellos of yellows into the glazed window of her home. Cozy and warm, little fear and much protection in her built dome. She flies outside, wings at full speed, "time to work" she smiles and flies down low to visit the tulips across the stream. "Tulips full of nectar where are you? Tulips who used to bloom and sing me scents of sweetness through the wind?" "They're not here anymore" answers the beetle, "they've been plucked to be relocated." "Relocated? Oh, Such news," she frowns and lands on the barren land, "it's no matter I'll fly further to see if there's daisies ahead, and maybe I'll see my good friend Humming Bird" she lifts her eyes and returns her smile to her face. Honey Bee flies on. "Humming Bird, Humming Bird, it's me Honey Bee" "Go away Honey Bee, I have no time for your presence. No time for such things." "Oh busy Humming Bird, busy is good. Busy is okay, I'll see you another time friend...hopefully" Honey bee puts on a smile and flies on, wings at a constant speed, matching the speed of the day breeze. Finally across to the daisy patch, Honey Bee lands on a flower, but there's little pollen. "Oh, I've been beat to the floral buffet. I've missed my pollen, I've , I've ..." Honey Bee trails off in her disappointment, " but it's okay, there's always tomorrow... Tomorrow I'll visit the orchids," Honey Bee sighs a sigh and picks up her wings off the ground, "I'm home bound for tonight I guess" Back in her hive of honey, she lays her wings to rest. And she thinks of her day, like a puzzle it was difficult, like a puzzle she tried to hold it together to make it great. But when she shuts her eyes, she can't help a tear run down her face. She cries for her disappointment and she cries for her salvage of happiness, she cries for her bad days and she cries for her good days "Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow," she sings hope to herself, sweeter than honey itself, the light to carry on, the wind under her wings, the sun on her back... "Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow will be better " her smile is gone while she's alone, but she'll wear it again when the sun rises once again. It's the only thing she needs, Honey Bee Honey Bee Smile and shake it off Try again and try harder Sleep and wake up Honey Bee Honey Bee She flies when the sky is bright She pushes away her frowns She cries when she's alone She's Honey Bee, Honey Bee

[your-other-write]

" I Won't Share You "

The words were clear, and when I heard them sung, I knew it instantly. I wanted you and only you. No one else can compare to you love. I don't want anyone else to have you. I want to be yours and you to be mine. "I won't share you" For the end of my life I only want you. There's no one better than you. Please love me too. "I won't share you" I've made up my mind and you cannot change it so hard as you've tried. I will never be swayed because there's no room for contemplation. You are all I desire if only I could let you know, "I won't share you" If only you could say it back to me, "I won't share you."

[your-other-write]

The silver sea with a metallic gleam

Won't you come to me?

[your-other-write]

April 12th

As I tuck the pale pink blanket over my legs I can feel the bumping pain reminder of the new bruise on my left knee "How can the fall of my blanket cause pain?" I think. But the song sweeps through me so sweetly, Just as tasteful as the cool breeze that sunk through the bright tree leaves Down to my sun-warmed face. And I remember wanting to run and jump in the empty hallway, hands up and hands dancing in the privacy of my minute solitude and forever happiness. I could forget about my haunting ghosts that strike me when I'm down When they play that saxophone and bouncing piano, I could run through that empty corridor and spin And in fact, I did In the seconds of aloneness I took one step back and span around and around My skirt blooming like a morning blossom My smile are true as the day itself "Cuz I'm loved by a pretty wonderful boy" I pep down the bridge watching the traffic go by like water below my feet. Onto the sidewalk where she sings the last notes and the song fades out. The song of a minute is over, but my smile shines on for hours

[your-other-write]

10:57pm

April 8th, 2016 I've been in bed, enjoying the dark, reading the words I once thought. Thinking of a me I once was. Although it's the same me because there's no other me than I. And the music throbs into my ears, searching for that new favorite song. I skip and skip. Not this one, not that one, I listen for time to pass. There was a time in my life where that was my only point of living. My only excitement was finding a new favorite song. A song to keep me company. Repeat, repeat, repeat it before the song ends. And now I think of things I enjoy these days. A hot shower. A new outfit. A good lunch, and good friends. Love and happiness isn't too hard to find anymore. I think of the me that wanted to leave, to leave this all behind - I would never. And I hold my head up high because it's not buried in the dark of my past hopelessness. Because I swam under the oceans of knives till I was almost out of breath, and sometimes they dunk me under again, but I'm stronger this time around. And I've learned how to hold my breath.