Your Weekly Horoscope

Silly horoscopes for silly people

[new-york-for-real]

rb if you are a gimmick so I may follow you

[your-weekly-horoscope]

I post horoscope readings for the week. Check yours out! (Sorry I’m a day late I’ve been busy)

Aries: When fishing this week, use exclusively nets, as the naked man in the lake is uncomfortable being hooked.

Taurus: Mark the trees when you venture into the dark forest, or you will be forced to wear silly jester clothing and dance for the far until they are done with you.

Gemini: Every animal you see this week MUST be pet. If you do not pet the creatures, they will form a vendetta against you. You may never know that they don’t like you, but they won’t like you and this is a sad occurrence.

Cancer: You’ve escaped jail and now you must seek revenge. Choose your weapon and begin to stalk your aggressors.

Leo: You are god. You are infallible and perfect. If anyone tells you different they are the devil.

Virgo: Tell Leo they’re being a conceited dick this week, and if they disagree seduce them until they agree.

Libra: You’re off the island! You feel a new kinship with ducks, and it would be wise to become a duck wizard.

Scorpio: This is the week! You really ought to renew your license to carry arcane and powerful objects, otherwise you may be searched and have your wand confiscated.

Sagittarius: The Cosmic Axolotl whispers thoughts into your mind. Listen to Him in all His mighty power and do what must be done

Capricorn: When is the last time you hugged a tree? Hug a sad tree this week and it will make you as happy as you have made it.

Aquarius: submerge yourself in water and consider your life choices. You listened to a tumblr post and now you’re underwater. You fool, take control of your life and find independence within yourself.

Pisces: you’ve unlocked an enchanted item! Reblog these predictions and the next food item you pick up will give you twice as much energy.

[your-weekly-horoscope]

I post horoscope readings for the week. Check yours out!

Aries: Deny capitalism and become socialist by sharing with everyone and forcing them to share with you. Some people will not like this, but their eyes have not been opened to the power of sharing.

Taurus: Your collection of small animal jawbones has gone mysteriously missing. Cancer stole it.

Gemini: Your secret identity as part of the Witness Protection Program has been compromised. You and your friends from the convent will now have to face gangsters in an all out hand to hand brawl.

Cancer: You’re innocent! Unfortunately, no one will believe you. Go to jail.

Leo: You will inherit a large sum of money from a long lost relative, but on the condition that it must be used to buy salt and only salt.

Virgo: While you were driving to work, your clothes mysteriously disappeared! This is undoubtedly the work of your bitter ex (who is a witch).

Libra: I’ll only let you off this island if you fill this box with ducks (I lied the ducks last longer than a week). Good luck.

Scorpio: You will steal Taurus’ jawbones and pin it on Cancer.

Sagittarius: You may only travel this week by tying yourself to the front of a train. All other forms of travel will go inexplicably wrong for you. This includes walking.

Capricorn: The book you’re currently reading is an imposter. Put it down quickly before it steals your fingernails.

Aquarius: You are stuck in a time loop. You are stuck in a time loop. You are stuck in a time loop. You are stuck in a time loop. You are stuck in a time loop.

Pisces: You awaken dressed as a hot dog. You do not know how you got here, but you feel obligated to spin the sign in your hands. Despite forgetting your own name, you quickly accept that this is your new life. Spin the sign.

[your-weekly-horoscope]

HORRIBLE HISTORIES PICTURES CLUB EEEE

Uh if I made a reference I was unaware

[divisionism-aliens]

no your header image!! of the rat!! that’s rattus rattus

[your-weekly-horoscope]

Ohhh that makes more sense I’ve been meaning to watch the show I guess this is my sign

[divisionism-aliens]

yes!! it’s delightful

[your-weekly-horoscope]

Update! Watched some episodes and it’s an amazing show everyone should watch it

[your-weekly-horoscope]

HORRIBLE HISTORIES PICTURES CLUB EEEE

Uh if I made a reference I was unaware

[divisionism-aliens]

no your header image!! of the rat!! that’s rattus rattus

[your-weekly-horoscope]

Ohhh that makes more sense I’ve been meaning to watch the show I guess this is my sign

[your-weekly-horoscope]

HORRIBLE HISTORIES PICTURES CLUB EEEE

Uh if I made a reference I was unaware

[i-identify-as-an-ominous-threat]

In wake of the new "Into the Gimmickverse" project, I'm gonna need every gimmick blog to either reply or comment on this post so we can start making a cast list. Have resume's, gimmick and auditions at the ready. We'll be in touch.

[tactical-tomthvmb]

HERE!!

(Tagging my alts)

@insane-ibis-paint @totally-tomerest @unfortunate-wattpad @watt-pad

[your-weekly-horoscope]

I’m very new, but I think this qualifies as a gimmick

[your-weekly-horoscope]

Weekly Forecast

I post horoscope readings for the week. Check yours out!

Aries: You will solve a mystery this week, but you will not like the solution (plot twist: you’re the killer and just had amnesia)

Taurus: Your deity will betray you this week. Renounce your gods and worship only me.

Gemini: An old friend will come to collect on a debt, but is willing to accept payment in only semi-sexual sleepovers.

Cancer: A man with a funny hat will knock on your door. Invite him in, he will either kill you or give you 100 years of good luck

Leo: Be particularly suspicious of your breakfast, Aries has an affinity for poisons.

Virgo: Take a vow of silence this week and you will be rewarded with many bubbles.

Libra: Ducks are sexually attracted to you this week. Protect yourself appropriately.

Scorpio: You will become single, but only briefly before you ascend to a state beyond human relationships.

Sagittarius: Redeem your coupon! Get that free mattress! You’ll regret it is you don’t.

Capricorn: Nobody likes you. You’re the worst. Don’t leave your house.

Aquarius: You awaken in Australia. You know you are in Australia because you are laying on a pile of boomerangs. There is a kangaroo wearing a top hat about 20 feet to your left, and he asks what you are doing with his boomerangs. What do you do?

Pisces: Protect your boomerangs. That bitch Aquarius is trying to steal them (you are a kangaroo).