suggestion, or
threat, or
portland, or

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
tumblr dot com
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Monterey Bay Aquarium
YOU ARE THE REASON

@theartofmadeline
ojovivo
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣

Janaina Medeiros
almost home
Mike Driver
Peter Solarz

if i look back, i am lost

Origami Around

ellievsbear
Game of Thrones Daily
we're not kids anymore.
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@yourdeadfriends
suggestion, or
threat, or
portland, or
Sex Task #2
Nutritional sun and protective shade Your shadow folding over me Small and blanketed with even the most fleeting attention Moving when moved as I am Faithful footfalls My body with its handles and straps and dripping tongue Just a writhing conduit for your ecstasy Fed full with your electricity And serving it back to you on my most spit-shined platter My ending arms grasping at your infinity Reaching up toward you From floors that know my nudity as well as I could myself Nights unrested away swimming in every conjuring of you I rattle and sing with sumptuous desperation Deconstructed by perfection Enamoured to be unarmoured Knowing the least Wanting the most More than a person can Happy to be even the smallest piece of your jigsaw A screw in the frame of your beauty
Gum
When you're little Someone will probably tell you that Your stomach does not know How to digest chewing gum Or even say that If you swallow it It will wrap itself around your heart And slowly choke it to your death On the way back from the city Over a week ago now Too drunk in the backseat Disappointed Focusing on The fastened state of my lips and Stationary objects sitting On the crawling horizon of the motorway ahead Keeping my guts in line Braced against the blurring of too many tiny lights I swallowed my gum at a sickening bend A gift from the man from Illinois Or the man from Manchester, The teacher younger than me I forget which Outside without smoking While my vanish-happy husband Deep-kisses the girl of his older poems and songs Sharing a book under the streetlight As somewhere near A close friend rinses the cheating blood of the fresh meat Around and around in his lonely mouth Because I am not fast enough Not right enough The police unfolded the crumbling scroll of their route Every night they bring the cage with them We did nothing and Got away But should have done and then Should have done I felt it all the way down Afraid to choke For how embarrassing that would Apparently be But all it really did was Hurt a little You're quicksand, you know You are what slowed me down Anchored from a spar Against ingrained opposition to The pursuit of affection Juices and lipstick or Arms You're everything that I was afraid of You deform at the slightest mastications of The world and its ravenous machinations You're it for me maybe What a humiliating finish line What kept me outside of her? - Caused my dishonest loosing of her every last lasso? Some sunken mountains of hurt that you had built in me? Or, worse, just the boy I was before You wouldn't go down and I wake and sleep at times and feel you Tangled around my heart And it won't beat right I carry you like a stone in my stomach All the acid in the world couldn't scrub you away I polish you up with spirits And you shine through like a ghost Stain Indigestible putty So flavourless in no time at all All I can do anymore is react
Depression is a monster that can not be killed It can be tranquilised Anaesthetised Only sometimes. It rots at insides Rots all outsides to depressed eyes It is a parasite That chews the colours out of inner sight Sucks dry any will to fight Cannibalises light Zombifies to catalyse dependence on flight Bed is a shallow magnetic grave Brave ascetic goes unsaved Feeling pathetic and frozen and fazed The mind's fallows are razed Soils blazed with flames and glazed with snow With no trees or flowers able to grow Paths paved with glue For slow journeys blending grey and blue Shivering under a cold sun that sweats through Curtains that don't open Certain that you're choking But never forgetting how to breathe Long enough to be relieved And months and years feel like days that never end Days which feel like years that weave and blend Unable to leave Too heavy to be retrieved Parenthetical and secondary Is all the monster lets you see yourself to be Implacably, invincibly As you carry on invisibly And marry anhedonia quietly Inviting nobody and holding no ceremony You can be surrounded constantly Working relentlessly for company And still feel lonely But truthfully You are not alone.
"Why-" So many of us end up heard to ask "-when begging for mercy am I given misery?" Sung out at the feet of lovers; Of statues. "Mine is a sad tale Of sorrows such as ought Ruin you, of anyone... To read, to be told, to see-" Truly to see "-but this and I are written by you." Praying - that a phantom force might sigh And move that which will not be moved - At the feet of mountains; Of meteors. "You who could once - And sometimes still - Be caught with your pure tongue In all manner of wounds upon me; With your handiwork Threaded through my boyish body."
Pedestal
Under the lapping scum-glazed waves of unseen sleep I study ripples in the pink pond of every kiss I never let you have. The wet heat sighs greasy vapours into the red sky and up to hold hands with its lost and wandering clouds, and it's all love and it's blood and it's anger, softest and weakest underneath, with the shafts falling out of the sun like worms through the water. You affect an unfolded posture as though freshly unwrapped, but I'm all stumps and rainstorms, and you're unimaginatively sequestered on a wind-beaten peak of banal symbology. It is a dispassionately overfamiliar spectacle, as if I threw up the final shaken dregs of my serotonin many too many of your sicknesses ago. My circles are rank with contagion and if I was more patient a patient then I would not be afflicted with subconscious visitation such as all of this leafy wet tundra, uncannily scentless like a digital photograph, and I can feel that I am in love but I've nothing to hang it upon and the furs of it are chewing at my generous hands that reach out and cast it all around like confetti and swing up to brush at my hair and shield my screwsealed eyes as I run and wade and sink away from the chipping stinging embers of these fake colours and inherited longings and the itching gnawing sticky bristles and needles I have spread. I put red in the red from under the red; reddest red whistling out of fissures like so many rusting kettles, and you look a little worried up there, sometimes; you, little dot a little down and to the left of the sun's empty chair, at that underwhelming obvious summit, and all the slow dance down you look cold and I rattle with lucid shame, that a smarter companion out of mind would have seated you somewhere far more artistically challenging out of my wounded hibernation. I paint the broadest possible strokes with my dangling arms and billowing legs, aggressively overselling my situation both within the fiction of the poem and as an exterior deconstruction of its relevance to my precarious desire to be understood. Down and down, I flail for your attentions up on your disappointingly uninspired tor and I type and pander wretchedly with the most basic and patronising imagery because even though I don't know who you are, I don't expect you to adequately comprehend these words, and if you think that doesn't make me irrepressibly sad about myself then you're far less intelligent than I would ever let anybody think I believed to be true of anybody on this earth, because it's dirt that a strong person buries in the holes that they dig; not bulbs or bones. Meanwhile, I conjure this entirely, addressing some audience from outside of myself underneath the drawn curtains of twisting coma, but I can't distract myself for long enough to forget that you're watching me die.
poig.
listening to birds dropping out of the sky like hailstones or chestnuts i am chained to this spot i am chained to this spot taste the daylight dropping out of the sky like meteors or infants everything falls to this spot everything falls to this spot
tucking into a cake of ash sinking in stasis seagull cry around the frame glazed but abrased the wind around here
licking ashes from the plate to affect normality sinking in stasis
everything has tied itself to my darker comforts
holding hands with gravity everything is gravity perfunctory brevity wrapped up in gravity
i hate you so much sometimes
ghast
i have such absolute faith in these fingers
and this tongue that i can bend into dumb noise
like detuned tv fuzz writ loud
and i'm always so afraid that i simply shouldn't
faith has always been or meant or seen some surrender of control
like throwing yourself backwards off the falls
without checking the depth of the abyss below
stuffing my collar into a bottle and setting it on tenacious waves
i have such absolute faith in these words
that i'm writing them still
against my better understanding of the reality of absence of any kind of reception
jettisoned into hollow pixel sickness across demographically-appropriated machines
that absence of reception only fuzz on the fuzz pile
winter falling on the winter like twinkling ash
always praying to a glass cross
inviting nothing to my perspex wedding
Guesswork
I never met a woman I wouldn't have kissed I never I don't know Probably I feel as though I want to cry all the time It is unbecoming of such a young lady Frost on grass somewhere I've never been Just a guess I've never been I've always been underneath something I never met anybody I ever wanted to kiss before Or what I know so far of since Boys said boys like girls who kiss girls Men don't say anything and neither do I I never met a person I thought deserved to be labelled And so inelegantly at that But I suppose it's only ever just a guess Guessing is all some people know how to do And they lie awake at night and wonder What people must guess about them From their choices of words or clothes As though everybody else must be so inept as they are I guess I miss you But never your guesswork I never wanted to kiss anybody else But I still would have I guess
Portraiture
You all care too much what your faces look like You all care too much how you present your face to people Who care too much about how they're presenting their faces to you and everyone To notice your face And what your face looks like That thing you care about more than you care about their faces Their faces that they care about so desperately I wonder how far back we would have to look To find ancestors who truly did not care about their faces And how to present their faces to all of those others Who probably didn't care about how they were presenting their faces These days it's kind of nice that so many people have so few bigger concerns I don't believe that the world is a worse place than it used to be And I care about how I present my face to you Which is why I don't smile the way my face wants to when I'm nearly happy And it's a true violation of my core beliefs It's a fountain of hypocrisy that I haven't the tools to ameliorate But it honestly doesn't feel remotely conscious So perhaps we always cared Maybe vanity is some godless cog in the reproductive wheel Like every other eventual facet of our autonomy I don't think I will care what my face looks like for the rest of the day now
Dusk
As she stood, done talking but continuing to squint up into the dusky drizzle with her fabrics damp and gently clinging, he pictured her out of her clothes: her brown hair curling into damp ringlets against her bare arms freckled like playful paint flecks against virginal canvas; the droplets of curative rain climbing in spurts of intermittent haste down her curvature, around her breasts, along her spine; beneath arm along waist and braking at her cocked hip, with her stanced asymmetrically, overpowering. Cloudy with youth, thinking her thoughts into the wet sky, naked and now proven a profoundly moving sight even in unreality. He felt nauseous with urgent happiness and with the nervous fleeting of whatever an opportunity for something he didn't understand could possibly look like; feel like. The intangible taste of soft rainwater pattered about his tongue as he breathed, rampant with greed and quietly drinking-in the evening entire, with its quiet nothing singing from every tree; nothing but the muted drumming of the thin precipitative curtain rolling endlessly out of the above, folding over the cars and roofs and roads and her.
He followed her gaze up into the soft grey canopy of hollowing clouds, unblinking, until his vision was heavy with patches of blur and the frames of the clouds glowed outward and aside and for a second he was probably crying and wouldn't have noticed for all the world.
Cold Atria
And thusly did my Needlessly segmented Pseudo-prose Become sequential Seriously serial Like a storyboard Woven to smithereens with Disaffected threads And abstract Barbs +the spaces between the passages are lined with flexible relateability -the individual identity of each part is hungrily consumed by the demanding sum +patient patrons of these lateral-minded sentiments will endure reward in cohesive completion -such a group does not exist The mother of all cons Herself an orphan My point being that I am too big to cry, entirely so And the point I have unhappily more clearly made Is that I am insecure
Shyer
I don't really cry I mean I don't Really cry I cry when Well I can't remember any movies I've seen I cry in Nymphomaniac when Christian Slater becomes delirious But I don't cry when I probably have cancer