How is it she knows everything?

[bakwaaas]

listening to music you loved when you were younger feels like a connection with your past self. like did she know I’d be listening to this exact same song so many years in the future? she couldn’t have imagined the person I am now. it feels like a hand reaching through time. like looking at the moon and realising that throughout history other people have looked at the same moon and felt the same way. a moment when the boundaries of time blur and it’s just me, enjoying music, connected with all the past versions of myself who are listening to this same song

[cloudstation]

my spouse and I watched the mexican episode of great british bake off because we’re mexican and we thought it would be funny. the hosts asked if mexico was a real place and none of the contestants had ever heard of pico de gallo. even the judges weren’t very knowledgeable about the food they were making. that one lady peeling an avocado like it’s a potato. guacamolo. tah-cows.

americans take for granted their proximity to authentic mexican food. look at this bro this could be u

[captainlordauditor]

As a Jew I wish to offer my condolences in solidarity to all Mexicans during this trying time. One of the judges of gbbo once shared a recipe for challah made with milk. You can’t eat milk with most meals challah is served at. He claimed it was “traditionally served at Passover”. It’s forbidden to own challah or its ingredients during Passover.

[youresupposedtostrokeit]

As a Brit I feel a bit like I want to defend some of the issues from the Mexican episode.

The “is Mexico a real place” comment was obviously not meant seriously and just a part of the dumb question humour that Matt and Noel give throughout the whole show not just this episode, none of us are laughing out loud at home to any of those kinds of jokes.

The technical round is supposed to be challenging, it’s a surprise and they minimal instructions, it’s “better tv” if they only show you the people who are flustered because they haven’t got a clue what they’re supposed to be making. In fact if they go round the room at the beginning of the technical and somebody says oh yeah I make this at least twice a month no big deal, then you know that person is about to royally fuck up.

Guacamolo I’m pretty sure was purposeful mispronunciation, like when you say things in a silly way with your friends and family and it just becomes a thing to you, but then you do it on tv and everybody things you’re just dumb. Eg. Meecro wah vey

I had to rewind that bit of her peeling the avocado to show my husband because I was so shocked, no defence for that but I promise we don’t all do that. Although I did once watch in horror as my friend cut an avocado width ways and right through the stone. Absolute psychopath behaviour.

Also I feel like it’s important to know that when they filmed this series judge Paul Hollywood had recently returned Mexico where he was filming a show about Mexican food. So the whole premise of this episode (in addition to bake off’s been running for a long time and is and ideas are thin on the ground) is for Paul to show off how knowledgeable he is about Mexico and Mexican food. And the fact that that has fallen flat on its face is HILARIOUS to me because Paul Hollywood’s a dick.

For me this is the bit that people with complaints about it should focus on, that Paul was trying to show off his Mexican knowledge but he didn’t have a fucking clue. The best part is that the EXACT same thing happened when they did Japanese week, Paul went to Japan, made a show about Japanese food, came back and tried to show off with a Japanese week on bake off, and got slated massively. They’ve just repeated the exact same format because they know people will watch just to complain!

[disney-rapunzel-merida-vanellope]

[makeawishitsadream]

This is one of the best running gags in cinematic history

[shitpostsampler]

Been a good while since I stitched my first shitpostsampler pattern. Here’s a dump: part 1

They’re also displayed on my instagram: sisestitch

Submitted by  siseja

[gallicinvasion]

Another woman utterly failed by our society’s devaluation of women’s reproductive health. We can’t wait around for male doctors to decide what we need to know. This is why we need to take control and educate ourselves about our own bodies.

[gallicinvasion]

and here’s some comments i saw under the post. why is this a pattern?? why is this a recurring theme?? why is this information not common knowledge? what the fuck are doctors doing??

[sora2522]

This is news to me so let’s share it so people will know!

[halfhardtorock]

Gross tmi: but i passed a pretty big clot after having my daughter. It was about the size of a baseball. It actually hurt worse because while 15 hours of labor opened my cervix, i passed the clot in 30 minutes. I knew it was a possibility because of my midwife and reading, but everyone Ive told after this (mostly other pregnant women) were shocked that this could happen.

In our culture, it’s much more common to do deep research about what family cars we want to buy than we do about childbirth when we ’re pregnant.

[skeleton-warrior-deactivated201]

Tmi: I passed a huge clot after birth in the bathroom of my hospital room and called the nurse sobbing because I didn’t know it was normal. She treated me like an idiot, but NO ONE told me it was a possibility. And the pain associated with healing for the first couple of weeks after birth was worse than the labor imo. Again, I had no idea. They didn’t tell me a thing besides “sitz bath regularly and change your pads.” Before discharging me from the hospital.

[evashandor]

I was most definitely told about this in school. Fucking hell, 4-6 weeks of bleeding? My periods were/are bad enough, why the hell don’t we get told this?

[love-pro-choice]

I didn’t know it could last so long, wtf? Is the bleeding inevitable after birth? 

[rosietwiggs]

Bleeding is inevitable after birth - your uterine wall is shedding a fuck ton of lining. It can last from three to six weeks (possible longer) and it tapers off.

More TMI - I passed a MASSIVE clot after my fourth birth. At this point I already knew this could happen - it’s normal. What I DIDN’T know, was that I had caused it.

My post birth contractions were so bad after the birth that it felt like full transition labor. And they don’t give you anything for the pain. So I used a hot water bottle, without the nurses knowing, and it caused me to bleed even more. I lost so much blood that by the first time they sat me up to go to the bathroom, I fainted. It took three more tries until I could sit up.

Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is, the next morning I passed a clot the SIZE OF ANOTHER PLACENTA I KID YOU NOT, and I know what is and is not normal. So I called for the nurse and through the door told her I had passed a huge clot, and her response was - “It’s not big. I know what big is.” She hadn’t even looked. So I rolled my eyes and said, “Yeah, no. It’s big, I’m telling you.”

So, sounding extremely put upon, she asked me to open the door. I did, and after a long pause she goes, “Okay, yeah, that’s a little big.”

YOU DON’T SAY.

The point I’m trying to get across is that this shit is so common - women not knowing this stuff is so expected, and it keeps getting reinforced. People don’t expect you to know anything, don’t teach you anything, and then make you feel like you’re totally ignorant and a burden for your lack of knowledge when THEY WON’T SHARE.

Fucking learn EVERYTHING you can when it comes to childbirth, girls. It is the single most empowering thing you can do for yourself. And if you missed something, that’s okay. But the more knowledge you arm yourself with, the more in control of your situation you’ll be.

A few post partum tips:

DON’T use a hot water bottle - lol.

ONLY pads - NO tampons. Tampons can cause severe infection, not to mention, you probably don’t want to be shoving anything up there any time soon.

If you’ve had stitches, sitz baths DO help relieve the pain. Another great pain reliever? Dampen some pads and freeze them. Let one thaw slightly and use it on top of another pad. This will help with the pain as well as reduce swelling. Change the pad out as soon as it’s thawed completely. This REALLY helps on the first couple days after giving birth.

If you pass a clot, don’t sweat it. Even the one I passed, which was fucking massive, just required that we keep an eye out to make sure it didn’t happen again. If it does, talk to your doctor.

Take a pain killer half an hour before nursing. Because YES - your uterus is contracting after you give birth, to get back to its original size, and nursing causes much stronger contractions. Taking nursing-safe painkillers won’t prevent the pain, but it will reduce it. 

Buy disposable underwear for the first few days after birth. They will get VERY dirty. Or use your ratty old pairs that you’re ready to get rid of. Double up on pads - line them all the way up your ass-crack. I am so serious. And wear dark pants.

Pee in the shower. You do NOT want to wipe down there right after birth because ow. Peeing in the shower lets you just rinse afterwards. Especially if you’ve had stitches, peeing in the shower, with the shower-head rinsing AS you go, keeps stinging to a minimum. And fuck everyone else - keep on peeing in the shower until you feel ready to move back to toilet paper. Middle of the night and need to pee? Get your pants off - get in the shower and just go.

This is just a few things, but PLEASE feel free to send me an ask if you have any questions about ANYTHING childbirth/pregnancy/nursing related. I have four incredible kids. I’ve done it all - c-section, vacuume birth, episiotimy, stitches, with an epidural, without an epidural. I’m here.

[thehangryslush]

….I know I keep reblogging this but people keep adding super important information.

[typingsdrawings]

I feel like no one tells women this stuff because if a woman was even a little on the fence about having a baby before this would kinda make them run for the damn hills.

[kaxen]

…..you are correct, typing.

300% EXTRA SURE I’M NOT HAVING BABIES. 

[petitedeath]

peri bottles, witch hazel or anti-pain anticeptic spray are your friends. Also passing large clots after birth is a WARNING SIGN. Bigger than a half dollar is a sign that you have not passed your entire placenta (this is most common in hospital vaginal births where the mother is not allowed to naturally birth the placenta and instead has it ripped out by the doctor) if there is any placenta left in your uterus you can get extremely ill. This happened to both myself and my mother in law

[un-ptit-spleen]

WOW I didn’t know any of this and I’m terrified of what more I’m unaware of about my own body :( Honestly when will we fucking abolish this taboo about the female body…

[artsortment]

I had pretty great sex ed in school (lots of contraceptive information, and totally acknowledged that teenagers might have sex) and all of this is news to me.

And, as a 28-year-old person with a uterus, I’m extremely appalled I’m just learning this.

[deanplease]

Long, but very important information, even for those who don’t plan to have children, because you will almost certainly know someone who will, and you might be able to to help them. Or at least increase your level of empathy for them.

[brandx]

…HOLY HELL. REBLOG TO SAVE A LIFE, SERIOUSLY.

[astro-vee]

people loooove to make out like pregnancy and childbirth are this beautiful thing that a woman’s body is made to do, and leave out all this incredibly important and scary info.

the healthcare system fails women in so so many ways, especially around sexual and reproductive health, and it needs to stop.

[enchantedpineseed]

More TMI but no one told me what pregnancy discharge was and it was horrible. Like it’s a greater quantity of liquid coming out of you than on the heaviest day of your period. Sometimes I would stand up and a bunch would just run out of me. I was so scared and unprepared. Also, tampons are a VERY bad idea when your cervix is still dialated.

[youresupposedtostrokeit]

It’s worth noting that you will still get the post partum bleeding if you have a c section and the first post birth poo is still scary, having to push with that many stitches in your abdomen feels unnatural.

Also the first period after you give birth, not the initial post birth bleeding, but your first actual period, can’t be predicted, you can’t predict when it will come, how different might be to your usual periods, or even if your periods going forward will be anything like what you experienced before you had a baby.

Possible TMI - My personal experience, that first real period took a couple of months to arrive and then was like a mega period, I had to switch to ultra absorbent nighttime pads that were so long that they had 2 sets of wings and I still had to change them about twice as often as before my pregnancy. And my periods since that first cycle are completely different to what I had before, from cycle length, flow, amount of cramping, the symptoms that show up a few days before I start, all completely different to what I was used to.

[ecaloshay]

“lawful good water biscuit”

[turtletotem]

# VIGGO MORTENSEN IS ALSO ONE

# I LIKE

# LEGITIMATELY GOT SAD WHEN HE GOT CLEANED UP IN RETURN OF THE KING

# GIVE THE KING BACK ACTUALLY

(via @jabletown)

[chrishemsworht]

#just a couple of guys

[mens-rights-activia]

How to write an early 2000’s garage band song

[jennypearseed]

1 full minute of kneecapping pop punk

[whitepeopletwitter]

[jaspertheshark]

The thread attached

[youresupposedtostrokeit]

The UK has its issues but at least here clean drinking water is seen as a basic human right and the water company can’t cut off your service for not paying the bill.

[lingasms]

i say we start a meme where we take jokes that don’t work in other languages and translate them without explanation maybe only tagging with the original language and confuse the heck out of everyone on tumblr who’s not in on the meme like

in italian we say “prince light blue” (prince azzurro) instead of “prince charming” and i just saw a joke that in english would be “if you can’t find your prince charming, the solution is to take a random dude from the street and paint him”

[commandervimes-blog]

what’s the difference between a stapler and a sewing machine? a stapler staples and a sewing machine doesn’t

[lingasms]

i take it back, these are still funny in a completely different way

[whosaprettypolyglot]

#what does the king of the spiders do? he reigns#I forget how to say it in French but it’s still my favourite joke

this was one of mine omg it’s one of my favourite ones i’ve ever made ever

[lalexicographe-blog]

What’s the strongest cake in the world? Mike Cake.

[spanishskulduggery]

What do you call a fish that’s a thief? A sea bass.

[space-transgressor]

What’s the difference between a cow and sheet metal ? None, both of them have milk

[shrineart]

I don’t even care if don’t know what the joke is these are hilarious.

[syntymatitahna]

Boy pig said to the girl pig: “Let’s suffer.”

[pianistical]

What happens when the sheep come to the grass field? Strawberry.

[you-had-me-at-e-flat-major]

What do you call a cybercriminal cow? Minced meat.

[ninetalees]

what does leonardo dicaprio eat?

leonardo eats sandwiches 

[lunestael]

whats a melon you cannot eat?

an idiot

[writingcyan]

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty. What comes after twenty? Police.

[intergalactix]

You can’t piano a piano, but you can lean on an elephant.

[serethiel-is-hufflepuffed]

What’s a pale mammoth? Helmut

[like-moonlight-through-the-pines]

Oh this is absolutely amazing!!

‘A fallow deer to another fallow deer: - let’s play hide and seek - please, no

[eatingcroutons]

What type of bread can’t be eaten? Propane.

[bending-sickle]

What does a bee do at the gym? Zumba.

[gingerblivet]

When is the best time to eat seafood? Wednesday.

[wannabeminotaur-deactivated2018]

What do an orange & an elehpant have in common? They both peel;. 

[dospunk]

These all sound like those jokes 4 year olds make up before they fully grasp the concept of a joke

[thatlittleegyptologist]

- 3 breads and 2 tarts tatin, as usual

- Good memory!

- Easy sir: bread, bread, bread, tarte tatin, tarte tatin

[tomorrowcomest0day]

You cant go to the drugstore, it closes at 6.

[isauntervaguelydownwards]

why did the milk go out? it was angry

[teaboot]

Hi milk, I’m dad

[evenstar-ing]

Do you wanna hear the chick’s joke? Cluck cluck cluck

[nissecore]

What did the lab technician do when he got to the labyrinth? He went around it.

[the-tao-of-fandom]

A man working at an auto shop told his coworker, “Here comes a leopard.”

[monsterswithvibes]

a can can be a can, but it can’t be a can’t

[youresupposedtostrokeit]

A man walks into a cafe. Splash.

[44bugs]

Halloween is coming Halloween is coming Halloween is coming Halloween is coming Halloween is coming Halloween is coming Halloween is coming Halloween is coming Halloween is coming Halloween is coming Halloween is coming Halloween is coming Halloween is coming Halloween is coming Halloween is coming Halloween is coming Halloween is coming Halloween is coming Halloween is coming Halloween is

[leekqueen39]

itsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptemberitsonlyseptember

[44bugs]

Hey vocalold38,

Suck my pumpkin flavored dick!

[whenharrymetsallys]

amazing content from phillip henry

[detective-peraltiago]

the good place: relatable edition

[mkinnon]

i mean, there’s typecasting

and then there’s playing a version of cinderella’s stepsister four times

four

separate

productions

[waitinghopingliving]

Here’s a bit of an explanation:

[theforestofthorns]

God I love her.

[soggybottomed]

Terry presenting his Biscuit Selfie

[transposers]

The amount of questions Bastille asks in their songs really stresses me out

[somedaysigetitright]

are you gonna age with grace? do you like the person you’ve become? can you fill the silence? how am i gonna be an optimist? how am i gonna get myself home?

like idk dan you figure it out

[tami-taylors-hair]

Meryl Streep in Mamma Mia really was living the best life- owned a hotel on a beautiful Greek island, singing sweet ABBA bops, had a history of dicking down so many hot dudes she wasn’t sure which handsome, tone-deaf, middle-aged man was her kid’s dad. 

what a life.