TAG GAME ! post your lockscreen/homescreen, the last song you listened to, and the last pic you saved.
FINALLY DOING THIS omg, thank you honey for the tag ☹️
tagging : @hvae, @kurosism, @wooyoung-a, @seungstarss, @hwaflms @mavericsohn and everyone who want to do it, but if you don't, pls do not pay attention to this <3
Currently reading: nothing really tbh bc i SUCK. the last thing i was reading was one of my fav fics that i was rereading for the third? fourth time? but like three weeks ago and i didnt finish it :/
Last song: BEcause by Dreamcatcher (yet somehow i have Fireworks stuck in my head….. i always have Fireworks stuck in my head)
Last movie: i sort of half watched one of the lotr films that my sister was watching, does that count?
Last series: everything’s gonna be okay
Sweet/savory/spicy: currrently craving spicy food
Currently working on: mingi gifset…. kind of….
Tagging: @steph-luvs-klaine @achillesmercury1996 @blueberrysan @dearscone @ateezbiased @xuseokgyu @vampireyeosang @blackcatneros @sanhwaiting @hwanwooyoung if you want to but no pressure <3
favorite color: blue & yellow shades, black & white
currently reading: sunlightwoo’s in the rain !
last song: don’t leave me, my love - colde
last movie: eternals
last series: the walking dead !!
sweet/savory/spicy: sweet . savory . & spicy >:(
currently working on: ducky’s sang req !!
tagging :: @moonieric @yourjaylaks @justalildumpling ! + anyone who wants to bc i can’t tag nine people bc im shy :’>
Sangyeon stood in front of the judge, his eyes downcast and his hands clammy.
"Mr. Lee?" The judge asked, prompting Sangyeon to look up and meet his gaze. "Are you alright?" Sangyeon nervously bit his lip, his flickering back and forth. Opting to stay silent, he slowly nodded. "Can you continue?" The judge asked. Once again, Sangyeon nodded. "What happened after you knocked on Mrs. L/N's door on January 1st, 2022?" Sangyeon inhaled sharply, his eyes quickly flashing over to the person next to him. Y/N's eyes were averted and her hand was tightly gripping a tissue. She barely looked at him and that caused the sadness in his heart to bloom. He brought his gaze back to the judge, who was watching him with pity filled eyes.
"She didn't open it." A silence filled the courtroom. "I kept knocking for about 10 minutes. It was past midnight. It was New Years and I spent it slamming my fist against my wife's door." He casted a quick glance to Y/N and found her eyes stuck on her shoes.
"Why?" The judge asked, quirking his eyebrow up.
"I was at an office New Year's party. Y/N was sick so she couldn't come. Or so I thought she was. I'm not one for parties, so I left early. And I walked home. I'd had a little to drink and I didn't live far so I walked home. And as I turned the corner, I saw the house door open. Y/N was standing there, with another guy and she was kissing him." Sangyeon paused when he saw Y/N shaking her head out of his peripheral vision. "My wife was kissing another man," he murmured, his voice breaking. The court was dead silent. The judge blinked at him before he turned his gaze towards Y/N.
"Mrs. L/N?" Y/N finally looked up at him and it was then Sangyeon spotted the tears falling down her cheeks. "Is this true?" Y/N sniffled, pulling her windbreaker closer to her body.
"Yes," she replied, her voice hoarse. "Its true." The judge hummed before turning his attention back to Sangyeon.
"What happened next Mr. Lee?"
"He left. And just as she was about to close the door, she spotted me. And before I could react, she slammed the door shut." The judge shifted his gaze to Y/N once more.
"Mrs. L/N?" Y/N let out a sigh, tucking her hair behind her ear.
"He's my coworker," she stated, keeping her gaze away from him. "My firm hired him 2 years ago and he got assigned to my division about a year ago. He -- uh," she paused as she quickly looked at him before looking back at the judge. "He was very friendly. Kind. Easy to talk to." Sangyeon couldn't help it. He spoke up.
"Am I not?" Y/N broke her gaze with the judge and turned her head to look at him.
“What?” she muttered.
“Am I not easy to talk to? Am I not kind?” Sangyeon was confused as to why Y/N looked confused, surpised even. But before she could respond, the judge cut in.
“Mr. Lee, please. You’ve had your turn, now let her talk.” Sangyeon sighed, relenting but he couldn’t shake the feeling of betrayal. What had he done to her that she felt the need to cheat on him? “Mrs. L/N, please continue.” Y/N rolled her tongue over her lips, a habit that came forth whenever she was nervous. Instead of bringing her gaze back to the judge, her gaze stayed on him.
“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” she murmured. “I swear -- it just,” she broke off once again, shaking her head. “It just did.” Sangyeon’s eyes shook as she confessed to him. He didn’t know what else to do. She broke his trust and that was something he just couldn’t forgive just yet.
“Mr. Lee?” the judge’s voice broke out again. Sangyeon forced to turn his head and look at the judge. Sangyeon frowned, trying to stop his lip from quivering.
“You know, I’m not that old yet. I’m still in my twenties and I was fortunate enough to find the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with at such an early age. People make mistakes, I get that. And I know that you have to decide whether or not their mistakes are bigger than your love for them.” The judge looked at him curiously, but Sangyeon was no longer looking at him. He brought his gaze back to Y/N, who looked like she was on the verge of a fresh set of tears.
“I love you Y/N. With everything I have in me. I love you so goddamn much. But you brought another man into our home. Into our bed. Into our lives and lied to me about for nine months.” A sob broke out of Y/N’s lips but Sangyeon had to get this out. He hated himself for hurting her. “You broke my trust. You broke my love. You -- you broke me. And I don’t think I can forgive for you just yet.” Sangyeon turned his head back to the judge. “I want to proceed with the divorce.”
Summary: She was intoxicated. Intoxicated on the music. Intoxicated on the pain in her heart. Intoxicated on him. Him, who was getting married to her sister. Him, who unknowingly broke her heart again and again. Him, who was never going to be hers. Solace and comfort often come in different forms and in different people. With the heartbreak ready to crush her for good and the need to get intoxicated on alcohol increasing by the second, would she be able to find in time to save herself or was she bound to feel perpetually intoxicated?
Genre(s): Angst
Word Count: 8.1K
TW: drinking, swearing
Pairing: Eric x Fem!Reader
author’s note!! __ this fic is for @junjungsunwoo ‘s merry bad ending collab. This one took a bit of rewriting but i still hope you guys like it! a quick shoutout to ducky and dayns for their feedback and kind words...love you guys. be sure to check out the other stories! you don’t wanna miss them!
taglist: @moonieric @halaboyz
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S/N stands for sister’s name
April 5th, 2022
Y/N felt intoxicated which was weird because she hadn’t had a drop of alcohol yet. Maybe it was the bar. Maybe it was the atmosphere. Maybe it was the spotlighted couple, who couldn't seem to keep their hands off each other. Or maybe it was the pain of her heart breaking at the sight of them. Whatever it was, Y/N felt intoxicated. The lightheadedness clouded her vision. The bile continued to rise in her throat and the tingly feeling in her fingers continued to prick her the minute she touched anything. As she stood in the corner, watching the people cheer and dance, Y/N decided that if she was to survive this night, she would have to be intoxicated the old school way. With alcohol. Letting out a big sigh, Y/N pushed her way through the crowded bar, trying to avoid flying liquor and falling people. The cheers were deafening and all Y/N wanted to do was go home and get into bed and try to forget why she was here. Covering her ears and mumbling something unintelligent under her breath, she finally made her way out of the hoards of people and towards the bartender. She let out a breath as she lifted her finger up, signaling the bartender.
“Whiskey on ice,” she told him and watched as he sauntered off to make her drink. Y/N slumped in her chair. This is the last thing she thought she would find herself at. Her eyes drifted over to the banner with big bold letters that adorned the right side corner and Y/N felt something bitter in her mouth when her eyes glazed over it for the 10th time that night.
Congratulations to S/N and Eric!
The bartender came back, placing the drink in front of her and instead of walking away, he stood still in front of her, a curious look in his eyes.
“Can I help you?” she muttered, gulping her drink down, ignoring the stinging feeling in her throat.
“You alright?” he asked, causing Y/N to raise an eyebrow at him.
“What makes you think I’m not?” she countered, leaning forward. The bartender followed her actions, leaning forwards on his own account.
“Call it a hunch,” he replied, raising his right eyebrow, almost as if he were challenging her. Y/N hesitantly leaned away from him, her eyes narrowed.
“Alright,” she said. “What’s your hunch?” The bartender smirked, his eyes flickering back and forth, his nose slightly scrunched in concentration. The two of them stayed silent, eyeing each other before he tapped the counter with the ring on his thumb.
“Heartbreak,” he finally said, tilting his head to the side. He leaned back in, close enough for his breath to fan over her face. Y/N held his stare for a minute before she relented, sighing.
“That obvious, huh?” The bartender snorted, placing another drink in front of her as she downed her previous one.
“Not to the untrained eye.” Y/N frowned, taking a sip of her new drink. “You want to tell me about it?” Y/N scoffed, shaking her head.
“What’s there to tell?” she asked bitterly, looking behind her, her eyes zeroing in on her sister and the boy she was in love with. “I fell for the guy that’s marrying my sister.” Y/N heard the bartender inhale sharply, clenching his jaw.
“That’s rough.”
“Tell me about it.” A silence befell the two of them, the sounds of the celebrations behind her the only thing audible and the louder it got, the more Y/N wanted to scream.
“How did you meet him?” the bartender finally asked, leaning on his arms, his eyes trained on her. Y/N looked down at her now finished drink, the memory of meeting Eric for the first time filling her mind and her lips turned up, a small smile taking form on her face. The words came tumbling out before she had any chance to stop herself and the more she talked the more she found herself being sucked into the memory and all of a sudden, she was no longer sitting at the bar. She was 17, sitting on the roof of her school, not knowing she’d meet the person that would change her life forever.
August 23rd, 2016
Y/N’s feet dangled off the ledge of the rooftop of her school. She glanced over it and watched kids laugh with glee, chatting about what they did over the break. Y/N couldn’t help but roll her eyes at them, letting out a puff of smoke from her inhaled cigarette. She took another drag, a longer one and inhaled the smoke, which in its contradictory way settled the tingly sensation in her nerves.
“Smoking on the first day of school? Such a rebel,” a voice spoke up from behind her. Y/N turned around and found a boy she didn’t recognize leaning on the wall next to her.
“Rebel is my middle name,” she replied, turning back around as she inhaled another big puff. There was a bout of silence in which Y/N assumed the boy had left. She was surprised when she heard his footsteps get closer and took a seat next to her on the ledge.
“Can I?” he asked, gesturing towards the cigarette in her hand. She looked down at it debating on whether or not she should give it to him. She cursed when he plucked it out of her hands and took a puff.
“What was the point of asking if you were going to take it anyway?” she asked, taking her cigarette back. The boy shrugged, exhaling the smoke the same way she did.
“You were taking too long.” Y/N snorted, but chose to stay silent watching the sunrise of the horizon of their city. “I’m Eric,” the boy said. When Y/N glanced over, she found him smiling, raising an eyebrow. He had a nice smile, the kind that seemed mischievous -- the best kind of smiles in her opinion. Y/N looked away, her heart thundering. She felt a blush creep up and Y/N took another drag in order to hide it.
“Y/N,” she muttered.
“Nice to meet you, Y/N.” Before she could reply, the shrill scream of the bell cut the air, effectively causing the two of them to jump. Without thinking twice, Y/N got off the ledge and crushed the butt of her cigarette with her foot before walking away, not waiting for the new kid. “Wait!” his voice cried out. Y/N stopped and turned around, an eyebrow raised in question. “I’m new here. Don’t know where anything is or how everything works. Do you mind helping me?” Y/N’s eyes bore into Eric contemplating his request. The last thing she wanted to do was interact with people but as she stared at him, his eyes soft and his smile wide, she couldn’t help as she gave in.
“Come on then,” she said, beckoning him to follow her. She led him into the school, his footsteps falling in sync with hers.
“What grade are you in?” he asked her, looking over.
“Senior,” she replied. His face bursted into a smile.
“No way!” he exclaimed. “Me too!”
“Yay,” she muttered, unenthusiastically as she stopped in front of the dean’s office. She gestured towards the door. “They’ll sort you out,” she said and started to walk away, not waiting for his reply.
“Thank you!” he hollered. She kept walking. Eric was way too energetic for her liking but for some reason, his energy and peppiness didn’t bother her in the same way it did when others were that energetic and peppy.
Y/N spent most of her lunches back on the rooftop, smoking. Call it destructive, but it helped calm her nerves which seemed to always be on overdrive. And meeting Eric had seemed to shoot her past overdrive. She couldn’t explain it. There was just something about him. She was so lost in thought, that she hadn’t realized someone had snuck up behind her.
“So I’m going to go out on a limb here and say you really like to smoke?” Y/N jumped, almost falling off the ledge as soon as the voice spoke. She would have, if it hadn’t been for his arm wrapped around her waist. “Woah!” he exclaimed, his grip tightening as he pulled her back. “We just met, I can’t have you dying.”
“Then don’t sneak up on me!” She swung her feet back over and leapt off the ledge, dusting the dirt off her slacks.
“Sorry.”
“What’re you doing here?” Eric shrugged, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his pants.
“I saw you come here. Figured you could use the company.”
“I’m good,” she replied immediately, fishing for another cigarette. Before she could pull out her lighter, Eric placed one in front of her, the flame burning the tip of the cigarette. He pulled back once it was lit, smiling. “Thank you?” she murmured cautiously, taking a seat on the floor, her back up against the ledge. Eric followed suit and she knew he was waiting for her to offer him her cigarette. The internal conflict in her raged, but she sighed as she pulled the stick away from her lips and offered it to him. He smirked as he plucked it out of her hands and placed it on his lips, inhaling.
“So,” he said, giving her the cigarette back. “Why do you come up here?” Y/N let her head fall against the brick wall, inhaling another puff.
“Why not?” she replied, tilted her head over to him. Eric snorted, copying her actions.
“Touche.”
“I like being alone,” she finally said, after a bout of silence had fallen over them. Eric tilted his head, a curious expression casting over his face.
“How come?” he asked, reaching for her cigarette. Y/N’s gaze fell as she nervously played with her shoelaces. She stayed quiet but Eric seemed to pick up why without her telling him anything. “What was his name?” She looked up at him in surprise, her eyes wide and her throat tight.
“Not important,” she murmured, looking back down. Another wave of silence washed over them, each of them quietly sharing her cigarette. “I lost myself,” she suddenly said, surprising both of them. She didn’t know why she was telling him this, but she couldn’t help it. The words seemed to tumble out. “I knew when I was in the relationship, it wasn’t the real me. But I didn’t care. So I continued to lose myself. I don't know how or when but it just happened. Like the flick of a switch. One minute I was there and the next I wasn’t. It’s been a while and I still haven’t found a way back to myself again.” Eric smiled at her, but it wasn’t his usual playful smile. This one was more somber -- sad even.
“You will,” he answered.
“How do you know?” He chuckled in response, his hair messily falling over his eyes.
“You don’t strike me as the person that’s easily defeated. You’re stubborn. It may take a while, but you will.” He paused, running his fingers through his hair. “Besides, people like you are brave…courageous.”
“People like me?” she dumbly repeated.
“The heartbroken,” he replied. “I find them fascinating. Admirable even. Because you’re sensitive and brave enough to allow yourself to feel everything.” He paused again, letting his eyes shift over to hers, holding her gaze powerfully. “But you’re also tough enough to endure it.”
April 5th, 2022
“So, what?” the bartender asked as soon as Y/N was done recounting the story of how she met Eric. “He helped you get over your ex?” Y/N shook her head, twirling her finger around the rim of her glass.
“Not just that. He helped me find myself.”
“And you guys became friends after that?” the bartender asked as he made her the drink she asked for. Y/N nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
“We were inseparable after that,” she murmured, smiling.
“And along the way, you fell in love?”
“Fast and hard,” she murmured robotically as the memories came bubbling up. The bartender opened his mouth to say something but was cut off when a cheer echoed through the filled bar. Both of them turned their heads towards the source of the commotion and Y/N sucked in a breath. She watched as Eric pulled her sister in and kissed her, the cheers continuing to rise in sound. Y/N watched them with her mouth slightly opened. She watched the beaming smiles on their faces. She watched as Eric’s arms snaked around her sisters’ waist and pulled her closer to him. She watched her sister lean into him and as she watched them one thought ran through her head. ‘That should be me.’
“Here,” the bartender’s voice cut through, interrupting her destructive thoughts. Y/N begrudgingly turned away from the happy couple and found the bartender placing a drink in front of her. She downed it in a gulp, cringing at the burn that traveled down her throat. She was starting to feel the alcohol, and the room began to spin. “So what happened?” he asked, causing Y/N to tilt her head to the side.
“What do you mean?”
“Did you ever tell him?” Y/N paused, her thoughts running wild. A cheer ran across the room again, but she tuned it out.
“No,” she whispered. “Not really.” The bartender narrowed his eyes.
“What does that mean?” She sighed bitterly. The bartender threw his hands in the air, earning some weird looks from the other customers.
“We were drunk and not all there and --” she started but before she could continue, a rough and deep voice called out, causing him to turn his attention elsewhere.
“This isn’t over,” he said, gesturing to the two of them before he walked away, causing Y/N to slightly roll her eyes. Why the bartender was so invested in her story was lost on her but it was nice to talk to someone about this. But as she sat there, her four empty cups in front of her and the cheers for the happy couple behind her, she couldn’t help but remember the time Y/N made the biggest mistake of her life.
February 10th, 2017
The fact that her sister managed to convince Y/N to go to her college party was beyond her. She despised parties. The last thing she wanted to be surrounded by was sweaty drunk teenagers grinding up on each other and sleeping with practically anything that moved. That’s probably why she found herself on the roof of the frat house. Leave it to those idiots to not lock the door leading up to the roof.
“What is it with you and roofs with ledges?” a familiar voice spoke up, causing Y/N to snort. She turned to find Eric struggling to walk towards her, holding two big red cups.
“Oh, you know…I’ve obviously got a death wish ,” she replied, the sarcasm practically dripping off her lips. Eric hastily handed her a red cup, to which Y/N wasted no time in finishing. “How drunk are you?” she questioned him, raising an eyebrow at him. He giggled, shoulder bumping her.
“Very very drunk,” he replied, his words slurring.
“You should probably get away from the ledge then,” she said, pulling him away and forcing him to sit on the floor, following suit. Much like their first meeting, the two of them sat shoulder to shoulder on the floor, their backs leaning against the ledge.
“Did you know that as I was coming up here, I saw your sister and some guy walking into a room together?” Y/N furrowed her brows.
“Jesus Christ,” she said, sighing. “It’s not my business though.”
“Even if they’re about to do it?”
“I trust her. She knows her limits. And she’s on the pill so she’ll be sa--” Y/N’s words cut off as she heard another familiar voice yell ‘cannonball’. She hastily got up and peered over the ledge, just in time to see her ex launch into the swimming pool. She felt Eric copy her movements and his lips parted.
“Is that who I think it is?” She blankly nodded and sucked in a breath when he reappeared from the water and his eyes met hers. The smile slipped from his face. She saw the recognition and the guilt register in his eyes as they went wide. “Do you want to leave?” Eric asked, his voice much softer than it was despite the raging music. Y/N shook her head, breaking eye contact and slumping back down against the wall.
“No, no. I’m fine, it’s just I haven’t seen him since and…I don’t know. It’s just weird.”
“Seeing an ex is never not going to be uncomfortable.” Y/N snorted, looking back over at her ex to find him gone. She brought her gaze back to Eric, who was watching her curiously.
“You know what the funny thing is?” Eric titled his head to the side, prompting her to continue. “For a long time I thought that getting over someone meant you didn’t love them anymore. But I’m not so sure anymore because I think a part of me will always care for him. Despite what he did, I want nothing but happiness for him, even if that means I’ll be sad for a while and I realize that is a bit unhealthy on my part but I can’t help it.
“You’re over him, but you still care?” She hummed in agreement.
“Exactly.” She let her head fall against the wall, closing her eyes trying to fight off the tears that were annoyingly starting to form. “It sucks Eric,” she murmured, keeping her eyes closed. “I’m tired of pretending that I’m not hurting when I am.”
“You don’t have to pretend with me,” he replied almost instantaneously, causing her to open her eyes and look over at him.
“Yeah?”
“You never have to pretend with me," he whispered, his words still slurring. They continued to stare at each other, the atmosphere suddenly becoming thick. Y/N didn’t know what washed over him. She didn’t know if it was the alcohol or her vulnerability or the fact that they were impossibly closer than they were before but before she could process any of it, his lips were on hers and he was kissing her. Eric Sohn, the one person she liked being around, was kissing her and the butterflies and fireworks simultaneously exploded in her stomach. She tasted the alcohol on his lips as he hungrily pulled her closer, quite literally taking her breath away. She knew he was drunk. She knew this was wrong. But she didn’t care. At that specific moment in time, she didn’t care that she sat on the roof of a frat house, kissing her best friend as if he were the last bit of oxygen on earth.
April 5th, 2022
Y/N was pulled out of her flashback when she heard the snapping of fingers and when her vision refocused, she saw the fingers of the bartender snapping in her face.
“You with me?” he asked, tilting his head to the side. Y/N met his gaze, his eyes narrowed and his eyebrow raised.
“Yeah,” she muttered.
“So, he kissed you?” he questioned, taking her dirty used glasses away from her.
“He was drunk.”
“But you kissed him back.”
“Yes.”
“So, that’s where you fell in love with him? When he kissed you?” Y/N paused, her mouth open mid-sentence. She ran her fingers through her hair.
“No…no I don’t think so. I think I liked him well before then. I just admitted it to myself when he kissed me because I thought he liked me back.”
“But he said he didn’t?” Y/N shook her head, her face falling.
“He said it was a mistake,” she muttered, frowning. The conversation was still fresh on her mind, despite it being 5 years ago.
February 11th, 2017
Y/N nervously paced about her apartment, chewing through her fingernails. The events of last night were still playing through her mind, a smile playing on her lips. She still felt his lips on hers -- still felt his hands running over her body. And she felt absolutely euphoric. For the first time since her ex, she felt like she was on top of the world. But like most things in her life, the feeling didn't last. And almost on cue, the knock on her door brought her out of her happy daze. She walked over to the door, twisting the knob and swinging it open. And there he stood. Her face instantly broke into a smile but the smile started to slip as she took in his serious expression.
"Can we talk?" He asked, his voice hoarse. Y/N had seen Eric serious only a handful of times and it was then she knew, something was wrong. She ushered him in, cautiously closing the door behind him.
"Everything okay?" She said, trailing him as he took a seat on her couch. His silence bothered her. He never went silent. "Eric?" She pressed.
"I'm sorry," he murmured, keeping his gaze down and his hands clasped. "I'm sorry." Y/N narrowed her eyes, tilted her head as the confusion set it.
"Sorry for what?" Eric's head shot up, his gaze shifting to hers.
"You're kidding right?" The confusion on her face only grew. She shook her head. Eric kept her gaze for a few seconds before he looked back down at his hands.
"For last night Y/N. I'm sorry for last night." He might as well have shot a bullet into her heart because the second those words left his mouth, an indescribable pain blossomed within her making her breath hitch and her heart skip a beat. But while her heart was breaking, the regret on his face became more and more clearer.
"I ruined our friendship didn't I? One fucking mistake to ruin it all." Y/N found it hard to breathe.
"Mistake?" She repeated, her voice barely above a whisper.
"I was drunk Y/N!" He suddenly exclaimed, jumping to his feet. "Why did you let me kiss you?!" She didn't know what to say. So she settled for,
"I'm sorry." Her words seemed to have surprised him. He froze, his shoulders going slack as he shook his head. He turned towards her, crouching down so that he was at her eyeline. He slowly reached out and placed his hands on hers.
"You have nothing to be sorry Y/N. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for kissing you. I never should have done it." And just like that, Y/N's whole world came crashing down in an instant. Her heart nearly stopped. Her palms were sweaty and all she wanted to do was scream that she wasnt sorry at him. To let him know she wanted to kiss him. She wanted him to continue kissing her. But the regret on his face told her everything she needed to know. So instead of telling him the truth, she tightening her hold on his hands and gave him a weak smile.
"Its okay Eric," she told him, the lie tasting bitter in her mouth. "Mistakes happen. You were drunk. No harm done." But oh on the contrary, harm was done. And Y/N had a sneaking suspicion, she would never be the same again.
April 5th, 2022
Bartender's POV
He could see her snap out of her daze, repeatedly blinking the tears that had welled up. She looked so despondent -- so broken. And all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her. But before he could, she hastily got out of her chair, stumbling as the alcohol ran through her body.
"I need to go to the restroom," she muttered, turning on her heel and pushing past the dancing bodies. He sighed, watching her with downtrodden eyes. She wasn't the first heartbroken customer he'd come across, but for some reason she was the most profound. The voice of his manager brought him out of his thoughts and he turned just in time to find Sangyeon walking towards him, a bottle of champagne in his hands.
"Sunwoo," he called out. He shoved the bottle into his hands. "Go give this to the couple."
"Okay." He grabbed the bottle out of his managers hands and walked out from behind the bar, keeping the bottle close to his body as he pushed past the bodies. He spotted them towards the front of the room, sitting next to each other as they shared a piece of cake. S/N looked a lot like the girl he was talking to. Pretty, for lack of a better word. His gaze then shifted towards Eric and the urge to smash the champagne bottle over his head grew with each step. How dare he sit there with a stupid smile on his face while his best friend was breaking apart at the seams. It didn't seem fair, but who was he to get involved? He was a simple bartender that was paid to listen to people while serving them drinks. Nothing more, nothing less. He placed the bottle on their table and walked away, not sparing another look at them and spotted the girl sitting back at her previous spot. Her eyes were bloodshot and Sunwoo didn't know if it was crying or the alcohol. She swayed in her seat, brushing the hair out of her face.
"You okay?" He asked as soon as he got back behind the table. She stayed quiet, opting to hum instead. Sunwoo studied her for a moment before he walked away to a customer that ushered him over. When he turned back, his eyes narrowed when he spotted Eric standing next to her. He walked over, standing in front of them, his jaw clenched.
"What can I get you?" He asked him, trying hard not to annoyed. Without another word, she leapt off her seat and practically ran away.
"Y/N!" Eric called out but she was keen in not hearing him. He let out a defeated sigh, running a hand through his hair. Sunwoo kept his gaze on him, studying him as his eyes flickered back and forth. The last thing Sunwoo needed to do was get involved in all this drama but he couldn't help himself.
"Leave her be," he muttered, grabbing a glass. Eric's eyes narrowed at him.
"Excuse me?"
"She just needs time." He heard Eric scoff and Sunwoo looked up to find him shaking his head.
"And you're an expert on what she needs all of a sudden?" Eric fired back, his lips slightly curled. Sunwoo rolled his eyes, his hands moving fast to create drinks for the other customers.
"No," he said, quickly flicking his eyes to meet Eric's before looking back down. "But you're not either." Y/N came back before Eric had a chance to retaliate.
"S/N's asking for you," she said quietly, not looking at Eric but instead keeping her gaze on him.
"You can't keep ignoring me Y/N," Eric said. "Not when you haven't told me what I've done wrong." Sunwoo listened intently, despite attending to other customers. He was curious as to what her response would be. But he wasn't surprised when all she said was,
"S/N's asking for you, Eric." She wouldn't meet his eyes. After a moment of silence, Sunwoo heard Eric sigh. He looked up to see him getting off his chair and walking away from them. “Can I have another drink?” she asked. Sunwoo looked at her skeptically, the hesitancy present on his face.
“I’ve already given you three.” Y/N groaned, slumping on the table, her lips forming into a small pout.
“Please,” she whined. “I can’t get through this night if I am not absolutely plastered.” The bartender stayed quiet, studying her. Y/N pulled her best pout and her best puppy dog eyes and smiled triumphantly when the bartender let out a sigh, reaching for the whiskey bottle.
“I’m going to regret this,” he muttered under his breath as he passed her the glass.
"Thank you," she murmured before taking a sip from the glass.
"You've been avoiding him, haven't you?" Sunwoo suddenly asked, causing Y/N to choke on her drink. "Don't try and deny it. I'm not stupid." Whatever comeback she had, died in her throat.
"It was easier like that," she replied, finishing her drink in one big gulp.
"You're eventually going to have to talk to him, you know that right?" Sunwoo stated, lifting his eyebrow. "You can't run away from him." She snorted at his statement as she got out of her chair.
"I can try." Sunwoo watched as she grabbed her things, turning on her heel to walk away but titled his head in surprise when he saw her stop and walk back to him. “Thank you,” she told him. “For listening.” Sunwoo smiled, a small smile where only the tips of his lips turned upward. “I never told you my name,” she told him as she stuck her hand out in front of him. “I’m Y/N.” Sunwoo watched her for a moment, eyeing her hand but broke into a smile, his teeth pearly white and he shook her hand.
“Sunwoo.”
“Well, thank you Sunwoo. For making me feel better.” His smile flattered.
"Y/N," he started off, watching as she raised her eyebrows at him. "We all crave for the person we love to love us back. It's natural. But sometimes the person we love won't love us back. You can't force them to love you or want you. But one day -- maybe one day you can make them realize what they lost."
"That's just it Sunwoo," she instantly replied. "I know I cant force him. I don't want to. And I would have been okay with that. But out of all the women in the world, he fell in love with my sister and that's what fucking hurts. He chose my sister."
November 12th, 2018
Y/N's relationship with her best friend had become weird. They started to actively avoid each other. In actuality, she was avoiding him and she assumed Eric was unconsciously doing the same. That was until he turned up at her door at 1 in the morning. She tiredly trudged towards the door, swinging it open as she let out a yawn. Her mouth snapped shut when she came into contact with Eric standing outside her door, his hood up and his hands stuffed in his pockets. He had a mask on and even in the darkness, she could see the bags under his eyes. The two of them stared at each, scared of being the first one to break. Fortunately, the silence was broken for them.
"Y/N?" Her sister's voice called out. "Who is it?" Her voice died out when her eyes landed on Eric and Y/N watched as a look of shock washed over her face. "Eric?" She whispered. Y/N turned to find the same expression on his face and it didn't take Y/N long enough to figure out something had happened.
"Can we talk?" He murmured. Y/N narrowed her eyes into slits.
"Now?"
"Please?"
20 minutes later, Y/N sat with Eric at a park bench, the cold air causing her to shiver. Her breath fogged out in front of her, the light from the nearby lamppost flickering on and off. She didn't say a word. He was the one that wanted to talk, so she was going to let him start. She didn't have to wait long.
"How are you?" He asked, glancing over.
"Fine," she murmured in response.
"You?"
"I slept with S/N." And just like that, the world around came down crashing down on her. Y/N's head almost unconsciously whipped towards him, her mouth ajar. Eric's kept his gaze straight ahead, almost as if he were embarrassed to look at her.
"What?" She whispered. He finally turned his head to meet her gaze head on.
"I slept with your sister, Y/N." How does she respond to something like that? She couldn't be jealous -- they weren't together. She couldn't be happy -- how could she? She couldn't be sad -- how could she explain that? So instead, hiding all the pain away, she said,
"Okay." Eric's eyes went wide as his mouth opened and closed, trying to form a response.
"Okay? That's all you have to say?" She shrugged, trying keep her body from shaking.
"What do you want me to say Eric?" She asked.
"Anything!" Eric shouting, jumping to his feet. "Say anything! Anything at all Y/N! I can't take the fact that you don't talk to me anymore!" He kneeled in front if her, placing his cold hands on top of hers. "Please talk to me Y/N. Please."
"I don't know what you want me to say," she replied. "You slept with my sister. Fine. Do you like her?"
"When I kissed you," Eric said, ignoring her previous question. "Did you feel anything? Anything at all?"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Just answer the question Y/N." Her gaze bore into his, both their eyes tracking the other. The atmosphere between the two of them had become thick again -- stifling. For a split second, Y/N considered telling Eric the truth. She considered telling him that kissing him...that being with him made her feel more alive than anything else in her life. But the conversation from last year came flooding back in and all thoughts of telling him the truth flew out the door.
"You were drunk Eric." She said quietly. "How am I supposed to feel knowing you kissed me drunk?" She knew Eric knew she was deflecting the question by the way his face fell. His grip on her hands loosened as he slowly got up and backed away from her. "It was a mistake Eric," she continued. "You said it yourself." Eric returned to his seat next to her, letting out a sigh.
"I do like her," he said instead. He looked over at her, prompting her to do the same. "I really do."
"When did you -- did yall do…"
"It was last semester," he murmured. "When you did your semester abroad in London." Y/N sucked in a breath. 4 months. 4 goddamn months and not a word from him or her sister.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Eric furrowed his brows.
"I -- uh, I don't know." Y/N's hand continued to shake. This was the last thing she wanted to hear and she was positive she could hear her heart breaking. Why couldn't Eric?
"You like her?" Eric nodded, slightly frowning.
"Then that's all that matters. Nothing I say, or anyone for that matter should matter. You like her? Then go for it."
April 5th, 2022
A small part of Y/N always believed there was a certain beauty in heartache. She always believed that in every heartbreak, beauty intrudes. She knew it was essential to grow and that's what she found beautiful about it. But just because she found it beautiful, didn't mean she liked dealing with the pain. She'd dealt with one too many heartaches for one lifetime and she didn't know if she could survive another one. That's probably why she was sitting on the roof of her car, at some random carpark at 2 in the morning, still in her dress and a half empty bottle of whiskey in her hand. Her gaze shifted upwards, the stars twinkling through the obsidian sky. The crescent moon shone bright, enhancing the stars in the sky. What she'd give to be that free -- to be free of her stupid problems. She let out a surprised gasp when her car dipped. She turned her head to find Eric climbing up to the roof with her. Her body tensed up, as she looked away, her eyes looking back at the sky.
"How'd you find me?" She asked, taking a swing from the bottle. Eric scrunched his eyebrows together.
"I always know how to find you." Y/N snorted, narrowed her eyes at him. Eric sighed, smiling slightly.
"Find My Phone," he said. "You still have it on." Y/N hummed, her gaze returning to the sky. "You left early," Eric stated.
"Yeah, I did."
"Why?"
"It's not important Eric."
"It is to me," he replied.
"It's not relevant."
"It is to me!" He whisper yelled, shaking the car. "Damn it Y/N, just…" Y/N tilted her head at him, their shoulders brushing in the process. She found him staring at him intensely, his eyes flickering back and forth. There wasn't much space between them anymore, barely an inch. "Why did you leave early?"
"I couldn't be there anymore," she replied, her voice quiet.
"Why not?" She could have sworn he leaned in. Y/N gulped, feeling the tension in the atmosphere between them.
"Because I -- uh, it hurts," she told him, frowning.
"What hurts?" Eric asked, reaching out and brushing a loose strand of hair away from her face. Y/N sucked in a breath at the contact. She let out a deep breath.
"Seeing you and S/N together," she muttered, shaking her head slightly. "It's fucking tearing me apart." She didn't have time to process the fact that she just told her best friend the truth about how she felt because her mind shot to overdrive when Eric's hand cupped her left cheek and harshly pulled her in, his lips crashing down on hers. And within a matter of seconds, they were kissing like they were last two people on earth. Her body came alive, her arms forcefully wrapped around his neck, pulling him even closer if that was possible. For a minute, that one minute where she on the roof of her car kissing the boy she was irrevocably in love with, nothing mattered. Absolutely nothing mattered and then her sister's face flashed into her mind and that's all it took for Y/N to grab his suit lapels and push him away, disconnecting their lips with a startled cry. She jumped off the car, her breathing starting to increase. "What're you doing?" She asked, pacing back and forth. "What the fuck are you doing?" She yelled. Eric followed suit, jumping of the car and trailing her.
"Y/N, just wait...just --" Y/N cut him off, whipping her body towards him, her eyes wide.
"You're marrying my sister Eric! What the fuck?!"
"I broke it off with her!" He yelled over her, causing her to go silent. Y/N blinked multiple times trying to process what he just said.
“What?” she asked. Eric sighed, running his fingers through his hair.
“I broke it off with her,” he said.
“Why?” she questioned, her brows furrowed. She took a step towards him, the anger and disbelief coming off her in waves. “Eric, why?”
“Because I’m in love with you!” he exclaimed, closing the distance between them and grabbing her shoulders. “I have been in love with you since day 1!” Y/N broke out of his grasp, shaking her head.
“What is wrong with you?” she asked, her lips quivering as the weight of his exclamation loomed over her. Her anger only increased when she saw the confused look on Eric’s face. “You expect me to believe that hours after your engagement party with my sister, you say you’ve come to the realization that you love me?”
“I’ve always loved you Y/N,” he replied, trying to get closer to her but she kept backing away.
“Bullshit.”
“Y/N…”
“No, no,” she said, clenching her fists. “Do you have any idea the hell I’ve been through for the past 6 years?” Eric titled his head to the side as she kept talking. “Waking up everyday knowing I’d see you but never say anything about how I felt? Going through each day with a smile on my face because you called our first kiss a mistake? Do you have any idea what that did to me? And then I find out that you’re with my sister. Do you know what that did to me?”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because!” she shouted. “Who am I to come in between you and my sister?”
“A person that loves me!” Y/N had heard enough. The anger blinded her. She stormed towards him, pushing him back with her index finger.
“I will not be the person that causes everyone to be unhappy.” Eric stared at her, wide-eyed. “You will go back to S/N and tell her you made a mistake or so help me god…”
“I can’t,” he murmured. “I love you, Y/N. I want you.” Y/N shook her head, backing away.
“You’re unbelievable.” She didn’t wait for him to respond, she got back into her car and drove away, letting the tears fall down her cheeks in the process.
3 Weeks Later
Sunwoo’s POV
Friday’s were always a wild day at the bar. It was always filled with wild college kids, looking for any excuse to get drunk. He rolled his eyes as he heard the loud remnants of a breakup taking place at the end of the bar. The sound of the door opening caused his gaze to shift and a smile broke onto his face as he recognized the person that walked in.
“She lives!” he exclaimed, as he threw his hands into the air in a dramatic fashion. Y/N laughed as she walked towards the bar and took a seat in front of him, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
“Hey Sunwoo,” she murmured in greeting.
“Whiskey on ice?” he asked, grinning. She snorted, leaning on the table.
“You know me so well.” He winked at her.
“It’s what I do.” And with that he turned away from her, reaching for the whiskey bottle. “How have you been?” he asked, looking back at her. Y/N scoffed, playing with the ring on her thumb.
“Honestly?” she asked. “Worse than the night of the engagement party.” Sunwoo paused, the bottle hanging mid air. He sighed, putting the bottle down and placing her glass in front of her.
“What happened?” he asked, leaning on the table. Y/N frowned, taking a sip of her drink.
“He told me he loved me,” she muttered. Sunwoo’s face scrunched up in confusion.
“What?”
“Hours after the engagement party,” she continued, twirling her finger around the rim of the glass. “He found me and told me he loved me.”
“But, your sister?” Sunwoo asked. Y/N shook her head, loudly exhaling.
“He broke it off with her.”
“Are you kidding me?” he blurted, leaning in closer.
“Because he said he loved me.” Sunwoo heard her sniffle right before she downed her drink, cringing as the burn traveled down her throat. He studied her, the way her eyes drooped, the way the tips of her lips frowned, to the way she bit her lip nervously.
“Let me guess, you turned him down?” She let out an exasperated sigh.
“What did you expect me to do? Say yes and destroy my sister’s heart?”
“Well no, but I thought --” She cut him off.
“You want to know the truth Sunwoo?” she asked. He raised an eyebrow at her, prompting her to continue. “The fucked up truth is that some people make the wrong decisions and they’re forced to live with it for the rest of their lives. And I know that I need to live with it-- because what other choice do I have? I can’t turn back the clock and redo things. You make a decision and you live with the choice and that’s the hard cold truth of life. You can’t change the decision you make, right or wrong. I know I made the right decision. But it feels wrong, you know what I mean?”
“You know, you should write poetry,” he replied, smiling. She chuckled, shaking her head. “Are you going to be okay?” he asked, placing another drink in front of her. She smiled sadly.
“I’m leaving in an hour,” Sunwoo paused.
“Meaning?”
“I’m moving to London.”
“London?” Sunwoo asked, doing nothing to keep the surprise out of his voice. “Woah, that’s huge.”
“I have to get away Sunwoo. I just -- I just can’t be here anymore.”
“Because of Eric?” Y/N shook her head.
“Not just because of him. My…my sister. She looks at me like I destroyed her entire world and I guess in a way I did and I just can’t take her looking at me like I’m some kind of monster.” Sunwoo listened with his mouth slightly ajar. Without saying another word, he walked out from behind the table and approached her. She looked surprised by the action. He pulled her into a hug, tightening his arms around her. “Woah,” she said. “This is unexpected. You hug all your customers?” Sunwoo snorted, pulling back so he was face to face with her again.
“Just the ones that need it,” he said, smiling. He walked back to his usual spot behind the table just as she got up from her chair and handed him a 20 dollar bill.
“Thank you Sunwoo. Seriously. Thank you.” And with that, she started to walk away but before she got too far, Sunwoo called out.
“Don’t be a stranger Y/N. Take all the time you need, but just know. You’re not completely alone here.” She smiled before she walked out the door and for some reason as she walked away from the bar, Sunwoo felt sad. He felt like she was walking out of his life, despite only knowing her for a day or so.
2 hours later, Sunwoo spotted someone he thought he wouldn't see again. Their eyes met and unconsciously, a scowl formed on Sunwoo’s face. Eric walked up to him, stuffing his hands into his pockets.
“She was here, wasn’t she?”
“Excuse me?”
“Look,” Eric, said sighing. “Just tell me if she was here or not.”
“Why should I?” Sunwoo replied, his tone tense. “Why should I do anything for you?” Eric groaned, rolling his eyes.
“Look man, I haven’t seen her in weeks. I just need to know if she’s okay.”
“What makes you think I’d know?”
“I don’t. I just -- I’m out of options.” Sunwoo watched for a moment. He didn’t look any better than Y/N, but Sunwoo just couldn’t find it in him to feel sorry for the guy. He didn’t just ruin one girl’s life, he ruined two. But Sunwoo always had a soft spot for the broken-hearted.
“She’s moving to London,” he said, wiping the table. “She left a couple hours ago.”
“What?!” Eric shouted, scaring a couple of nearby customers. He apologized immediately, but returned his gaze to Sunwoo. “I have to go find her, explain to her, apologize --” Sunwoo cut her off.
“You will do no such thing.”
“Excuse me?”
“You need to leave her alone for a bit. So she can figure things out for herself.”
“But--”
“What did you expect Eric?” Sunwoo cried out, his anger starting to rise. “You ruined her life. You ruined her sister’s. You ruined their relationship. What did you expect to happen?” Sunwoo let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Just leave her be and give her time.” Eric stayed quiet, biting his lip. Sunwoo could see the internal conflict in him.
“Okay,” he finally murmured. “Okay.” Eric turned on his heel but Sunwoo grabbed him before he walked away.
“She loved you,” he told him. “She still does. And I think a part of her always will. But you realized that too late and now you have to live with the consequences, okay?” Eric nodded, blinking his bloodshot eyes.
“Okay,” he muttered and with that Eric walked away and Sunwoo watched. Sunwoo wasn’t a stranger to heartache. Much like Y/N, he had to deal with it in his own way and he came to the realization that one of the hardest things in life is to grieve the loss of a person that’s still alive. It’s a realization that Y/N’s been going through. And it’s a realization that Eric would soon go through and if Sunwoo found it in his heart to get over his anger at Eric, he might just help the poor kid. He might, but he was making no promises.
Summary: she didnt remember him. She tried to. She really did. But her memories were gone. But that doesn't mean she doesn't love him. She may not remember him, but she knows one thing. She loved him.
Pairing: Sangyeon x Fem!Reader
Genre: angst with fluff?
TW: nothing I can think of
Word Count: 3.0K
A/N: ig this is a revamp of one of my SKZ fics.
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"You have no idea who I am, do you?" The man in front of me, asked quietly, his voice shaking. I cocked my head to the side, in confusion, the tubes in my nostrils stretching the inside of my nose. My eyes narrowed, trying to remember who this man was. My eyes flickered to Dr. Young, who was standing by the door, quietly watching us. He gave me a sympathetic smile and my eyes flickered back to the man in front of me.
"I'm sorry. I don't. Who are you?" Dr. Young, a week ago, told me I had woken up from a coma with no memories of my life before due to an accident. He told me he did his best, but my memories were as good as gone. I wasn't lying when I said I had no idea who this guy was but I could feel my heart breaking in two as I watched the light leave the eyes of the man in front of me. I could see him shut down. I could see the pain in his eyes. Pain I was causing.
"I'm sorry," he whispered and left the room quickly leaving me to be absolutely baffled. I turned to Dr. Young.
"Who is he?" I asked. Dr. Young hesitated, looking at the clipboard in his hands.
"I shouldn't be telling you this, you just woke up. But his name is Lee Sangyeon and, uh, he's your husband." I felt as if I was hit by a truck. Time stopped and everything slowed.
"He's my husband? I'm married?" Dr. Young nodded his head, sympathy filling the void of his eyes. "I'm Lee Y/N?" I whispered. Dr. Young walked towards me and reached for my hand.
"I know this is a lot to take in Y/N, but he is your husband. And he loves you. It'll be hard, I know. There is a high chance that not everything will come back but I need you to promise me that you will try. Try to rebuild your relationship. To trust him. Can you promise me that you will try?" I looked at Dr. Young. He was near tears. I had no idea why this was affecting him so much.
"Who is he to you?"
"He's my godson." He paused before continuing. "I was forced to watch as he tore himself up about what happened to you. I watched him cry his eyes out. I watched as he withered in pain. You were his biggest light, Y/N, and I am begging you to try. I don't think I can see him like this anymore." I looked down at his hand clenching around mine. Something about this situation freaked me out. Having no memories was excruciatingly unbearable. It felt like I was living a lie. But there was one thing I remember vividly. I hated watching people in pain.
"Okay," I whispered. "I'll try." A smile lit up Dr. Young's face and he got up and left, stating he had some papers to finalize.
I spent a week in the hospital as the nurses and doctors monitored my condition. It's not every day someone comes back out of a coma unscathed. So I lay there, while the doctors performed various tests almost back to back. But I wasn't complaining. It was a good distraction from the people that were constantly in my room. They were Sangyeon’s friends. And when I married Sangyeon, they became my family. The people I cared about the most in life. At least that was what Dr. Young told me. They were all I had. The only constant in my life. Everyday, they'd come in with the biggest smiles on their faces and tried their hardest to help me remember my past. They’d come everyday with photos and mementos and told me the craziest stories about that particular memento or photo. But sometimes I could only focus on who was in the photo. Most of them were of me and Sangyeon and everytime the guys tried to explain the story behind the photo, my heart would deflate. I couldn't remember any of it. I tore up my mind trying to remember anything. I couldn't. I don't remember being with him. Every so often, I'd catch Sangyeon watching me as his friends talked to me. I wanted to crawl into a hole because I could see the disappointment and the heartache I was causing him every time. I was disappointed that I couldn't remember. And I didnt want to break his heart. I didn’t know him. I didn't remember him. But I knew I didn't want to disappoint him. To hurt him. That much I knew.
The day came where I was to be discharged. I was getting ready and it was finally good to get out the hospital gown. As I was getting everything ready, there was a knock on my door. I inhaled sharply when Sangyeon walked in the door. He looked tired. Worn down. The bags under his eyes were prominent. He was hunched over, his clothes wrinkled and lifeless hair.
"Hey, I just wanted to say that I'll be waiting outside," he said drearily. I simply nodded and he walked out, leaving me to wallow in my sadness and confusion. I was tired. I was tired of facing him and being greeted with the same disappointment and hope. Disappointed that I can't remember. Hopeful that I will and everything will go back normal. Sangyeon remembers a different me, from what feels like a different lifetime and I was scared that I couldn't live up to his image of me. I desperately want to, but I'm scared that I can't. I said my goodbyes to the staffand made my way to the front of the hospital and found Sangyeon leaning on his car. His eyes lit up when they fell on me and dimmed as soon as I got close.
"Ready?" he asked, and I nodded and got into the car, my leg bouncing at my level of stress and the awkwardness in the atmosphere. I had to say something to him. Anything. I couldn't take the silence.
"I'm sorry," I blurted, my head turned towards my window. In my peripheral, I saw Sangyeon whip his head towards me, eyes wide, but I ignored it and kept my gaze trained away from him. "I'm sorry I can't remember. I'm sorry I'm hurting you." I could hear Sangyeon tightened his grip on the leather steering wheel.
"Y/N, you don't have to apologize." He said in a low voice. "None of this is your fault. Don't apologize for something you can't control." I didn't respond. But I did try my best to subtly wipe away the tears that had escaped. I hated this. I hated feeling like this. I hated the fact that I was the reason for someone else's suffering.
We arrived at a beautiful studio house. It was vibrant, with colors splashed against the wall. With pebbles and flowers and a small pond. I stood there in awe.
"We live here?" I asked, turned my head towards Sangyeon. He smiled, sticking his hands into his pockets.
"Yea we do. We built this together. A couple years ago."
"We did? We built this?"
"We sure did, love. Come on, let’s get you inside." He led me inside and my jaw dropped. The inside was just as beautiful as the outside. A grand staircase leading upstairs. A mahogany dinner table with a small kitchen, the room lit with another set of vibrant colors.
"Holy shit," I whispered. Sangyeon let out a laugh.
"This was all you. Your first official job as an architect and a self-proclaimed interior designer." He looked around before asking, "Would you like some tea?" I nodded, offering him a small smile. He left to the kitchen and I made my way to the staircase, to the mural of photos decorating the wall. I walked up the stairs slowly, eyeing every picture. My eyes landed on the centerpiece, a picture of Sangyeon and me on what looked like our wedding day, our hands interlocked, foreheads touching. I stared at that picture for a long time, trying to remember. Anything. I let out a frustrated groan, holding my head.
"Here's your tea," Sangyeon said, walking towards me. I took my cup, smiling.
"Thank you."
"Take it slow Y/N. It'll take time."
"I know I know I know. Everyone keeps saying that. But it's frustrating. I want to remember now. We look so happy in this photo and I feel like I'm taking away that happiness from you. I hate that I can't remember any of it." Sangyeon climbed a few more steps, closing the distance between us. His fingers brushed the base of my chin before cupping my face.
"You have never taken away my happiness Y/N, and you never could. Remember that." I stared at him, wondering how I ever got so lucky with him, but the slight movement of his head and the flickering of his eyes from mine to my lips brought me out of my thoughts. I looked down, pulling away slightly.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just..."
"Stop apologizing," he whispered and he pulled away, staring at our wedding photo. I could tell he was disappointed but I was helpless against it. Instead, I continued to walk up the stairs, admiring the house. I was aware of Sangyeon trailing quietly behind but I continued and I gasped as I entered a room, a room I figured was our bedroom. I was in awe of the room itself. The walls were painted a light blue with vines intertwining the entirety of the room. There was a small balcony that was littered with roses. This was beautiful. A small glittering box, however, caught my eye and I made my way to it, opening it. Surprise contorted on my face when I found numerous letters in it. I picked one up and turned towards Sangyeon, who was watching me intensely. I raised my eyebrow in question. Sangyeon smiled shyly, pointing at the letter in my hand.
"I was in Brazil for a year. Those are the letters I sent you. Call me old fashioned, but letters were our thing." Before I could say anything, his phone rang. While he was talking, I took a seat on the bed and looked through the box. There must have been more than a hundred letters. "Y/N," he called out and I turned my head towards him. "The guys are coming over in a while. Uh, you can stay here and freshen up if you want or you come down if you feel ready. It's your choice. I won't force you." My heart lurched. Seriously, how did I get so lucky with a guy like this? I smiled and nodded and he turned to leave.
"Sangyeon," I called out suddenly. He stopped abruptly, but didnt turn around. "Thank you." He tapped his knuckles on the door frame and left, leaving me time to think. I opened the first letter I picked up and gasped. He had beautiful handwriting.
To my Y/N,
There is no particular reason for this letter. I just... I missed you and I remember you said you liked letters, especially the long sappy ones, and how you hated the fact that no one wrote them anymore. So here's my shot at this ahaha.
I just love you so much. I'm in love with every single thing about you. Hearing your voice makes me feel so happy in seconds, hearing your laugh makes me smile no matter how hard I try not to. When you smile at me, my heart goes all crazy and I get butterflies. When you hug me and hold me in your arms, I don't care about anything else except you and me. Us. You are the most important thing in my life. You're my best friend. You're my everything. You're just so goddamn perfect. Everything about you is just so perfect. You know me better than anyone else. You know when I'm down and stressed and you know how to cheer me up. Bring me out of my funk. You always manage to cheer me up and I still have no idea how you do it. I haven't been on this earth for a long time but if there's one thing I'm sure of it's that it feels amazing for the person you love more than anything in the world to love you back. It's the best feeling in the world and I cant bloody well can't get enough of it. Bottom line Y/N, you might not be perfect in the eyes of others, but you, you are perfect to me. And that's all that matters.
Yours forever,
Sangyeon
My tears had started to wet the letter. I don't think I have ever experienced love like this before. I put the letter down, furiously wiping them away and opening the other letters and I must have spent hours, just sitting there and reading his letters. His declaration of love for me. Those letters had unlocked something in me. I still didn't remember them or my memories with him but there was one thing I was sure of. I was bloody sure I loved him. Loved him bad. Loved him enough to hurt and I couldn't even imagine the pain he went through when I woke up and had no idea who he was and I immediately felt like shit. I don't think I would survive if the roles were switched. Something caught my attention and I sucked in a breath. On the far side of the nightstand, a small box seemed to almost glisten, calling my attention. I knew what it was. My wedding ring. I looked down at my hand and I swear it was as if I could have seen the ghost of the place where the ring should have been. I walked toward mindlessly, trying anything and everything to try and remember what it looked like, when Sangyeon gave it to me. But it was no use. My mind was a blank slate. My hand reached toward it and I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off me the minute my fingers grasped the ring. I slid the ring onto my finger and I smiled. For some reason, I felt whole. Complete. Regardless of the fact that I had no memories, for the first time I felt as if I knew who I was. I was Lee Sangyeon's wife and that made the smile on my face widen.
A shout brought my out of my trance as I looked towards the door. I totally forget Sangyeon said the guys were coming over. Leaving the letters lying on the bed, I crept downstairs, hidden behind the darkness of the staircase. I peeked out to find them playing a very serious game of charades. Eric was out in the middle, acting his heart out and his team seemed so done with him it brought a smile to my face. My eyes eventually narrowed in on Sangyeon’ slumped figure and my features softened as my heart lurched. He looked so worn down. So tired. So done and I knew it was because of me. My eyes widened when his eyes zeroed in on my hidden figure. The guys were too busy with their game so they didnt notice me as I crept my way towards the kitchen, waiting for Sangyeon to follow behind and right on cue, I could see his shadow on the refrigerator door.
"Hey," he said. "Did you manage to get some rest?" I scratched the back of my neck.
"Not really," I admitted. "Too entranced reading your letters." My heart began to beat a little faster when I saw Sangyeon smile, his footsteps quiet as he walked towards me.
"You read all of them?" I nodded, suddenly feeling hot. He was ridiculously close to me and I was surprised when I didn't feel scared or trapped. I wanted him close to me. His hands reached out for mine and Sangyeon looked down in shock when his fingers grazed my wedding ring. "You're wearing it again," he whispered, his breath falling on my face.
"Yea, it just felt right."
"Really?" He breathed out. "Why?" I gulped. My mouth went dry. My heart was beating ridiculously fast. My hands started to become clammy. But I need to get this out. For his sake. My eyes slowly traveled to his and I could see the desperation in them.
"Because I love you. I always have. And this ring signifies that. But to be honest, it doesn't matter if i wear the ring or not. I love you and nothing is ever going to change that." Sangyeon let out a breath that sounded like a relieved sigh.
"Can I kiss you?" He asked, his lips already brushing against mine. The corners of my lips turned up and instead of answering, I leaned in, and our lips molded into each other. It felt good. I felt good. For the first time in months, I felt like me and it didn't matter that I couldn't remember. I had him now and we had plenty of time to create new memories. Sangyeon pulled back when a loud 'whoop' traveled through the air, ruining our moment. I peaked out from behind him to find the guys smiling and applauding. I snuggled myself back into Sangyeon’s arms, feeling shy. Sangyeon let out a laugh but tightened his arms around me and I could say this with absolute certainty. I loved him and I was happy.
A/N: hey guys, I'm actually really happy with this piece. So much so I also released this as a TBZ ficalso. I hope you guys like it :))
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Y/N skated down the quiet hallways of her college library quickly, keeping her head down and her fists clenched within the pockets of her jacket. The voice behind her called out, once at a whisper, twice at a whisper shout. She kept her head down, doing her best ignore the voice that was getting louder and louder at an alarming rate. She found herself wanting to stop and confront him. 'No' she told herself. 'Dont you dare cave in. Keep walking.'
"Y/N!" He called out again. By now, they had both caught the attention of their fellow students, who looked up from their quiet studies in curiosity. Y/N raced down the stairs, his footsteps much closer to her than before. Her foot barely hit the last step before his hands wrapped around her wrist, tugging her towards him. Y/N froze, his touch burning her on contact.
"Let go Jay," she said, trying to wiggle out of his grip. People were definitely starting to stare and Y/N didnt like that one bit. She didnt want to talk to him about it, much less have the entirety of the library watch them duke it out on campus. His eyes bore into hers, flickering back and forth. Y/N continued to struggle and her efforts where rewarded when she broke her from his grip. She didnt think twice before turning on her heel and practically running towards the exit. She didnt get very far. Jay's hand grasped her bicep, forcing her to stop.
"Jay," she tried again, doing her best to free herself. Y/N wasnt blind; she was aware they were right in the middle of the library and as her eyes gazed upward, the bundle of nerves settled over her body as she realized everyone was staring, not just the people on the first floor. "Let go," she murmured, looking at his shoes. Y/N didnt think she could look at him again -- at least not in the eyes without her stomach turning upside down.
"Let me explain," he countered, his voice equally low but it sounded loud given they were standing in the middle of a silent library. "Please Y/N." Y/N started to shake her head, her mouth running dry.
"Not here," she replied, once again looking around the countless curious staring eyes. She tugged on her arm again, trying to get his grip to loosen but it was no use. Jay was far stronger than she ever was. Out of her peripheral, she saw the security guard making his way over to them and Y/N's heart dropped. "Jay, let go!" She tried again, her voice this time louder.
"No!" He exclaimed, his voice echoing through the building. Y/N flinched as his voice bounced on the walls. If anyone wasn't pay attention before, they certainly were now. "I dont care if people are watching!" He continued. "This is the only way you're going to listen to me!"
"Why should I listen to you?!" She fired back. "Why should I listen to a word you ever say again? Huh?!" Jay's features softened marginally but before he could concoct a response, the security guard stood in front of them, his hand on his enormous belt.
"Is there a problem here?" He asked, his eyes flickering between her and him.
"No," Y/N immediately replied. "I was just leaving." His gaze flickered over to Jay and instantly his grip on her dropped.
"Sir?" He questioned Jay, his eyes narrowed. Jay's eyes shifted back to her. Y/N wouldn't meet his gaze.
"No," he muttered. "No problem at all." Y/N didnt wait. She spun on her heel and raced towards the exit and out the door, her heart beating erratically. She half expected Jay to follow her out and she wasnt surprised when she felt him behind her.
"Y/N..." his voice soft.
"No!" She yelled, catching a few of the students outside the library by surprise. "You dont get to 'Y/N' me anymore! You hear me?! You lost the right!" Jay stared at her, his lips parted and his eyes narrowed. He was aware of the crowd that was forming and he knew he had to stop her before she did something she regretted. Y/N was never one for being the center of attention.
"Nothing happened," he said, his eyes discreetly looking around.
"You expect me to believe that?! I am not that stupid Jay! Naive? Yes. Stupid? No." She vaguely heard the sound of a camera shutter but she was too riled up to care. Jay walked up to her, trying to grab her hands but she swatted him away and did something that made him speechless. She slapped him. Right across the cheek. The sound echoed and all Jay could do was stare at her in disbelief. "Stay away from me asshole. I forgave you once. I'm not doing it again," and without she turned on her heel once again and walked away, the other students parting as she did. Jay stared at her receded figure and for the first time in his life, Jay felt like this was something he couldnt fix.
***************
It was 2 in the morning when Y/N's phone rang, jolting her body as she sprung upright. Her bangs covered her swollen, sleepy eyes but she was conscious enough to realize she had fallen asleep at her desk once again, the strewn papers of her numerous assignments littered throughout her desk. She glanced over and let out a hum of surprise when she read the name that popped up on the called ID.
"Heeseung?" She answered, her voice groggy and deep. "Its 2 in the morning, man."
"I know," he responded, his voice equally as groggy. "You know I wouldnt be calling if it wasnt urgent." Y/N furrowed her brows.
"What is it?" She asked, pushing herself off her chair. Heeseung stayed silent for a split second before answering.
"Its Jay." Y/N froze, nearly dropping her phone. That had woken her up.
"What do you mean 'its Jay?'" Heeseung sighed on the other side of the line and Y/N could envision him pinching the bridge of his nose.
"He's on the roof again. He's batshit drunk. And he wont listen to me or any of the other guys. Y/N, I --" he paused, his voice breaking. "I've never seen him drink this much before. I'm scared he's going to hurt himself." The words came tumbling out of her mouth, before she could stop them.
"I'll be there in 20."
Y/N was positive she ran at least 4 red lights, but given it was 2 in the morning and there was no one on the roads, she couldn't care less. She pulled into the frat house 20 minutes later, surprised that all the lights were still on. She knew they were party animals, but she also knew most of them had exams in a couple of hours. But those thoughts were pulled aside when she spotted a figure sitting up on the roof of their house, their feet dangling over the edge. They took a swing from the beer bottle and let it fall over, the sound of the bottle breaking causing her to flinch.
"Jay," she murmured. She got out of her car timidly, locking it. The sound of her car lock must have been loud because Jay's head turned towards her and even in the blanket of darkness, their eyes met. His went wide while hers softened. Without a word, Y/N headed towards the door and let out a surprised gasp when it flung open even before she could bring her hand up and knock. Heeseung stood before, his hair sticking up and his eyes bloodshot. The lack of sleep stood out, his cheekbones hollow and the bags under his eyes prominent. 'Studying to be a lawyer will do that to you,' she thought as she offered him a smile.
"Hey," he whispered, letting her into the house. A chill ran down her spine as soon as she stepped him, unconsciously making her pull her knitted cardigan closer to her body. She always forgot how cold this house was.
"Hi," she said back. She spotted the rest of the guys lounging in the living room, each looking worn and tired. They all offered her a smile when they spotted her. "What're you guys still doing up?" She inquired. "You guys have exams in a couple of hours." On cue, the sound of the glass shattering traveled through the room, the guys sighing. Heeseung snorted, shaking his head, the shaggy brown curls falling over his eyes. "Get some sleep," she told them. She gestured towards the roof. "I'll go talk to him." She turned towards the door, expecting the rest of them to scuttle off to bed, their footsteps many. But all she heard was silence. She turned back around and found them looking at her curiously.
"Guys, seriously. Go to bed. You need the sleep." Sunghoon, one of Jay's longest friends, spoke up, his hand running through his ginger hair.
"Can I ask you something?" Y/N shrugged but nodded nonetheless.
"I'm not being ungrateful or anything but why are you here Y/N?" Y/N cocked her head to the side, genuinely confused by his question.
"What do you mean? Heeseung asked me to come, said --"
"I know what he said," Sunghoon said, cutting her off. "But why? You of all people have every right to say 'fuck you' to him and let him suffer." Y/N's lips parted, making a soft 'o' shape. All eyes were on her and instead of shrinking away from being at the centre of attention, Y/N smiled; a painfully sorrow smile. The hurt was still there. She believed it would never go away. Maybe with time? But she was never completely sure. But the love? The love she had for him? That would never disappear even if she set it on fire.
"He hurt me, yes. And it will take me a while to get myself back together. But that doesnt mean I'll stop loving him. I spent the better part of 3 years giving him the best and worst of me. That doesnt just disappear." The sound of yet another bottle breaking cascading through the room, causing her to sigh. "Get some sleep, guys." And with that, she turned and walked up the stairs, her heart beating as she made her way to the roof.
The smell of alcohol was so strong, Y/N thought she would hurl as soon as she stepped onto the roof. She did gag, her reflex stepping in but it stopped as soon as she spotted him, slouched down the wall, an ocean of broken glass surrounding him. Concern flared in, her steps fast and nimble as she approached him. His head was downcast, his hands slightly shaking.
"Jay," she softly called out. No response. He remained in the same position, almost as if he hadnt heard her. "Jay," she called out again. This time, she knew he heard her.
"What're you doing here Y/N?" His speech was slurred and she could smell the alcohol from where she was standing.
"Heeseung called," she murmured, slowly making her way over to him. She shoved the glass away from him, careful not to step on any of the shards. Her eyes immediately inspected his body, looking for any signs if damage. She let out a sigh of relief when she didn't find any.
"You shouldn't have come," he said, finally making eye contact with her. Y/N scoffed, her shoulders slightly bouncing. "You shouldn't be here Y/N," he continued but she ignored his words as she slumped down the wall beside him, their shoulders brushing.
"Why not?" She questioned, gazing over at him. Jay stayed quiet, his heavy breathing the only thing audible in the quiet night.
"Nothing happened," he finally said and Y/N sighed shaking her head. This was the last thing she wanted to talk about.
"Jay, don't. I don't want to hear it."
"Y/N..." She shook her head.
"Jay," she drawled out. "Please." He sighed, but relented, the silence taking over. But for a girl that loved the silence, she was squirming under the sheer power of it. It was unbearable, and it was breaking her from the inside out. But before she could speak up and diffuse it, Jay's hands reached over and grabbed her, softly intertwining them. God, his hands were so cold. But so comforting and it didnt take much for her to tighten her grip on him.
"I'm sorry," he murmured, his speech continuing to slur. "I'm sorry."
"Jay," she interrupted but he waved her off with his free hand.
"I regret it. God, I regret it so much Y/N. I regret that night. I regret fighting with you. Slamming the door. I regret going to that damn bar. Drinking like it would fix my problems. I regret talking to her. I regret buying her that drink. God Y/N, I regret --" He trailed off, shaking his head. Despite the dark night, Y/N spotted the drops of tears that has fallen on his sweatpants.
"I know Jay," she said softly. "I know." He looked over at her, his eyes swollen.
"Why did you ever forgive me? Why did you take me back?" Y/N laughed at the question. A dry laugh, no humor, no emotion, just the truth that seemed to hurt more than the action.
"That's the sad thing," she said, quirking her lips up, trying to fight the tightening feeling in her throat. "Even if you hadn't asked me, I would have taken you back Jay. I dont think anyone, including you, understand how much I loved you. How much i still love you. I love you more than I love myself, more than any sane and logical person should." She paused shaking her head. "But that's the thing about love. It takes ever sense of sane and logical and throws it out the window." She looked over at him, her head leaning against the cold brick wall. "Every ounce of love in my body was given to you." Maybe it was the heat of the moment, the weight of their mistakes coming to light but Y/N let her head fall and Jay froze when she laid her head on his shoulder. His hands were still cold, but the rest of him was warm as ever. He finally relaxed, letting his head rest against hers. "I know nothing happened between you and her," she muttered, referring to last week when she walked in on him pressed up against another girl. She felt Jay inhale sharply, but he remained silent. "You made that mistake once and I know you well enough to know you wouldn't have done that again. But, Jay you realize that's the reason I dont think I could continue with this relationship?" She peered up at him and found him already staring down at her. She looked away. "I didnt ask for much in this relationship, you know? I didnt even ask for love; at least not initially. All I asked for was honesty and loyalty. And you broke both, the first time. After I gave you everything, you broke your promises. And even though I shouldnt have, I took you back becuase I love you Jay. I love you so goddamn much. And even though I know nothing happened between you and her last week, I assumed the worst becuase it's happened before. And I don't want to spend the rest of our lives wondering if you're cheating on me everything you're home late or you lie. It's not fair to me or you Jay. That one week where I didnt talk you was hell. I assumed the worst of you and I dont wanna do that." She abruptly pulled away from him, grabbing his shirt, her eyes boring in his. "Do you understand that? I dont want to assume the worst of you Jay. Ever." Jay frowned, but it wasnt a sad frown. It was one of those smiley frowns.
"Even after everything, still thinking about what's best for me?" He asked softly, but it sounds more rhetorical. Y/N chuckled, smiling.
"I cant help it. Force of habit." Jay snorted and the silence that was there before returned. But 10 minutes in, Y/N knew Jay had fallen asleep. His breathing was even, albeit shallow and his body remained still. Not finding it in her to wake up him, she pulled him closer, snuggling in and before she realized, her eyes started to close and sleep washed over her.
"Y/N," a voice called out. She felt her body shake and when she opened her eyes, she found Jay softly shaking her shoulder. "We fell asleep," he stated as a matter of fact. Y/N looked around to see soft rays of sunlight peaking through the grey clouds.
"What time is it?" She asked, her voice raspy.
"6:13 am," he answered, holding out his hand and helping her up.
"Crap," she murmured.
"Work?" He asked, tilting his head to the side. She hummed in response, raking her fingers through her dry hair. "Come on," he said gesturing towards the door. "I'll walk you out." The two of them headed downstairs and were immediately bombarded by the smell of coffee. They found Heeseung in the kitchen, brewing a fresh pot. He smiled at her, but the smile slipped when he met the gaze of Jay. His expression almost looked angry.
"You good?" He asked Jay, his tone sharp. Jay looked over at Y/N before returning his gaze to his friend.
"Yeah," he responded. "I am now." Heeseung's gaze shifted over to Y/N and his smile returned.
"Any chance you could stay for coffee? I know you have work soon, but one cup? To wake you up for the drive home?" Y/N did think about it. She really could use the cup but she knew if she stayed, she'd definitely be late for work.
"I really wish I could Heeseung, believe me. But I cant. Not today at least. Maybe another time?" He smiled, nodding. Y/N walked out the front door and towards her car, Jay trailing closely behind.b
"Y/N?" He called out, causing her to turn her head. "Thank you. I'm the last person that deserves it, but thank you." Y/N heart nearly skipped a beat. Something about the tone of his voice shook her to her core. Hesitantly, she brought her hand up and cupped his right cheek. Jay froze for a split second before he leaned into her touch, his own hand coming up to cover hers.
"I love you Jay," she murmured. "I dont think I'll ever stop. I just -- I cant trust you anymore." Y/N tore her hand away from her, her breathing increased.
"I know," he replied. "And I am going to do everything in my power to rebuild that trust. Even if it takes a lifetime. I promise."
Summary: she forgave him once. She didnt know if she could do it again. But no matter what happened, she knew one thing. She would never stop loving him.
Pairing: Hyunjae x Fem!Reader
Genre: angst
TW: nothing I can think off
Word count: 3.1k
A/n: hey guys! I really enjoyed writing this one. So much so I also released it as an Enhypen fic with jay. I really hope you guys like it!
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Y/N skated down the quiet hallways of her college library quickly, keeping her head down and her fists clenched within the pockets of her jacket. The voice behind her called out, once at a whisper, twice at a whisper shout. She kept her head down, doing her best ignore the voice that was getting louder and louder at an alarming rate. She found herself wanting to stop and confront him. 'No' she told herself. 'Dont you dare cave in. Keep walking.'
"Y/N!" He called out again. By now, they had both caught the attention of their fellow students, who looked up from their quiet studies in curiosity. Y/N raced down the stairs, his footsteps much closer to her than before. Her foot barely hit the last step before his hands wrapped around her wrist, tugging her towards him. Y/N froze, his touch burning her on contact.
"Let go Hyunjae," she said, trying to wiggle out of his grip. People were definitely starting to stare and Y/N didnt like that one bit. She didnt want to talk to him about it, much less have the entirety of the library watch them duke it out on campus. His eyes bore into hers, flickering back and forth. Y/N continued to struggle and her efforts where rewarded when she broke her from his grip. She didnt think twice before turning on her heel and practically running towards the exit. She didnt get very far. Hyunjae's hand grasped her bicep, forcing her to stop.
"Hyunjae," she tried again, doing her best to free herself. Y/N wasnt blind; she was aware they were right in the middle of the library and as her eyes gazed upward, the bundle of nerves settled over her body as she realized everyone was staring, not just the people on the first floor. "Let go," she murmured, looking at his shoes. Y/N didnt think she could look at him again -- at least not in the eyes without her stomach turning upside down.
"Let me explain," he countered, his voice equally low but it sounded loud given they were standing in the middle of a silent library. "Please Y/N," Y/N started to shake her head, her mouth running dry.
"Not here," she replied, once again looking around the countless curious staring eyes. She tugged on her arm again, trying to get his grip to loosen but it was no use. Hyunjae was far stronger than she ever was. Out of her peripheral, she saw the security guard making his way over to them and Y/n's heart dropped. "Hyunjae, let go!" She tried again, her voice this time louder.
"No!" He exclaimed, his voice echoing through the building. Y/N flinched as his voice bounced on the walls. If anyone wasn't pay attention before, they certainly were now. "I dont care if people are watching!" He continued. "This is the only way you're going to listen to me!"
"Why should I listen to you?!" She fired back. "Why should I listen to a word you ever say again? Huh?!" Hyunjae's features softened marginally but before he could concoct a response, the security guard stood in front of them, his hand on his enormous belt.
"Is there a problem here?" He asked, his eyes flickering between her and him.
"No," Y/N immediately replied. "I was just leaving." His gaze flickered over to Hyunjae and instantly his grip on her dropped.
"Sir?" He questioned Hyunjae, his eyes narrowed. Hyunjae's eyes shifted back to her. Y/N wouldn't meet his gaze.
"No," he muttered. "No problem at all." Y/N didnt wait. She spun on her heel and raced towards the exit and out the door, her heart beating erratically. She half expected Hyunjae to follow her out and she wasnt surprised when she felt him behind her.
"Y/N..." his voice soft.
"No!" She yelled, catching a few of the students outside the library by surprise. "You dont get to 'Y/N' me anymore! You hear me?! You lost the right!" Hyunjae stared at her, his lips parted and his eyes narrowed. He was aware of the crowd that was forming and he knew he had to stop her before she did something she regretted. Y/N was never one for being the center of attention.
"Nothing happened," he said, his eyes discreetly looking around.
"You expect me to believe that?! I am not that stupid Hyunjae! Naive? Yes. Stupid? No." She vaguely heard the sound of a camera shutter but she was too riled up to care. Hyunjae walked up to her, trying to grab her hands but she swatted him away and did something that made him speechless. She slapped him. Right across the cheek. The sound echoed and all Hyunjae could do was stare at her in disbelief. "Stay away from me asshole. I forgave you once. I'm not doing it again," and without she turned on her heel once again and walked away, the other students parting as she did. Hyunjae stared at her receded figure and for the first time in his life, Hyunjae felt like this was something he couldnt fix.
***************
It was 2 in the morning when Y/N's phone rang, jolting her body as she sprung upright. Her bangs covered her swollen, sleepy eyes but she was conscious enough to realize she had fallen asleep at her desk once again, the strewn papers of her numerous assignments littered throughout her desk. She glanced over and let out a hum of surprise when she read the name that popped up on the called ID.
"Eric?" She answered, her voice groggy and deep. "Its 2 in the morning, man."
"I know," he responded, his voice equally as groggy. "You know I wouldnt be calling if it wasnt urgent." Y/N furrowed her brows.
"What is it?" She asked, pushing herself off her chair. Eric stayed silent for a split second before answering.
"Its Hyunjae." Y/N froze, nearly dropping her phone. That had woken her up.
"What do you mean 'its Hyunjae?'" Eric sighed on the other side of the line and Y/N could envision him pinching the bridge of his nose.
"He's on the roof again. He's batshit drunk. And he wont listen to me or any of the other guys. Y/N, I --" he paused, his voice breaking. "I've never seen him drink this much before. I'm scared he's going to hurt himself." The words came tumbling out of her mouth, before she could stop them.
"I'll be there in 20."
Y/N was positive she ran at least 4 red lights, but given it was 2 in the morning and there was no one on the roads, she couldn't care less. She pulled into the frat house 20 minutes later, surprised that all the lights were still on. She knew they were party animals, but she also knew most of them had exams in a couple of hours. But those thoughts were pulled aside when she spotted a figure sitting up on the roof of their house, their feet dangling over the edge. They took a swing from the beer bottle and let it fall over, the sound of the bottle breaking causing her to flinch.
"Hyunjae," she murmured. She got out of her car timidly, locking it. The sound of her car lock must have been loud because Hyunjae's head turned towards her and even in the blanket of darkness, their eyes met. His went wide while hers softened. Without a word, Y/N headed towards the door and let out a surprised gasp when it flung open even before she could bring her hand up and knock. Eric stood before, his hair sticking up and his eyes bloodshot. The lack of sleep stood out, his cheekbones hollow and the bags under his eyes prominent. 'Studying to be a lawyer will do that to you,' she thought as she offered him a smile.
"Hey," he whispered, letting her into the house. A chill ran down her spine as soon as she stepped him, unconsciously making her pull her knitted cardigan closer to her body. She always forgot how cold this house was.
"Hi," she said back. She spotted the rest of the guys lounging in the living room, each looking worn and tired. They all offered her a smile when they spotted her. "What're you guys still doing up?" She inquired. "You guys have exams in a couple of hours." On cue, the sound of the glass shattering traveled through the room, the guys sighing. Eric snorted, shaking his head, the shaggy brown curls falling over his eyes. "Get some sleep," she told them. She gestured towards the roof. "I'll go talk to him." She turned towards the door, expecting the rest of them to scuttle off to bed, their footsteps many. But all she heard was silence. She turned back around and found them looking at her curiously.
"Guys, seriously. Go to bed. You need the sleep." Sangyeon, one of Hyunjae's longest friends, spoke up, his hand running through his ginger hair.
"Can I ask you something?" Y/N shrugged but nodded nonetheless.
"I'm not being ungrateful or anything but why are you here Y/N?" Y/N cocked her head to the side, genuinely confused by his question.
"What do you mean? Eric asked me to come, said --"
"I know what he said," Sangyeon said, cutting her off. "But why? You of all people have every right to say 'fuck you' to him and let him suffer." Y/N's lips parted, making a soft 'o' shape. All eyes were on her and instead of shrinking away from being at the centre of attention, Y/N smiled; a painfully sorrow smile. The hurt was still there. She believed it would never go away. Maybe with time? But she was never completely sure. But the love? The love she had for him? That would never disappear even if she set it on fire.
"He hurt me, yes. And it will take me a while to get myself back together. But that doesnt mean I'll stop loving him. I spent the better part of 3 years giving him the best and worst of me. That doesnt just disappear." The sound of yet another bottle breaking cascading through the room, causing her to sigh. "Get some sleep, guys." And with that, she turned and walked up the stairs, her heart beating as she made her way to the roof.
The smell of alcohol was so strong, Y/N thought she would hurl as soon as she stepped onto the roof. She did gag, her reflex stepping in but it stopped as soon as she spotted him, slouched down the wall, an ocean of broken glass surrounding him. Concern flared in, her steps fast and nimble as she approached him. His head was downcast, his hands slightly shaking.
"Hyunjae," she softly called out. No response. He remained in the same position, almost as if he hadnt heard her. "Hyunjae," she called out again. This time, she knew he heard her.
"What're you doing here Y/N?" His speech was slurred and she could smell the alcohol from where she was standing.
"Eric called," she murmured, slowly making her way over to him. She shoved the glass away from him, careful not to step on any of the shards. Her eyes immediately inspected his body, looking for any signs if damage. She let out a sigh of relief when she didn't find any.
"You shouldn't have come," he said, finally making eye contact with her. Y/N scoffed, her shoulders slightly bouncing. "You shouldn't be here Y/N," he continued but she ignored his words as she slumped down the wall beside him, their shoulders brushing.
"Why not?" She questioned, gazing over at him. Hyunjae stayed quiet, his heavy breathing the only thing audible in the quiet night.
"Nothing happened," he finally said and Y/N sighed shaking her head. This was the last thing she wanted to talk about.
"Hyunjae, don't. I don't want to hear it."
"Y/N..." She shook her head.
"Hyunjae," she drawled out. "Please." He sighed, but relented, the silence taking over. But for a girl that loved the silence, she was squirming under the sheer power of it. It was unbearable, and it was breaking her from the inside out. But before she could speak up and diffuse it, Hyunjae's hands reached over and grabbed her, softly intertwining them. God, his hands were so cold. But so comforting and it didnt take much for her to tighten her grip on him.
"I'm sorry," he murmured, his speech continuing to slur. "I'm sorry."
"Hyunjae," she interrupted but he waved her off with his free hand.
"I regret it. God, I regret it so much Y/N. I regret that night. I regret fighting with you. Slamming the door. I regret going to that damn bar. Drinking like it would fix my problems. I regret talking to her. I regret buying her that drink. God Y/N, I regret --" He trailed off, shaking his head. Despite the dark night, Y/N spotted the drops of tears that has fallen on his sweatpants.
"I know Hyunjae," she said softly. "I know." He looked over at her, his eyes swollen.
"Why did you ever forgive me? Why did you take me back?" Y/N laughed at the question. A dry laugh, no humor, no emotion, just the truth that seemed to hurt more than the action.
"That's the sad thing," she said, quirking her lips up, trying to fight the tightening feeling in her throat. "Even if you hadn't asked me, I would have taken you back Hyunjae. I dont think anyone, including you, understand how much I loved you. How much i still love you. I love you more than I love myself, more than any sane and logical person should." She paused shaking her head. "But that's the thing about love. It takes ever sense of sane and logical and throws it out the window." She looked over at him, her head leaning against the cold brick wall. "Every ounce of love in my body was given to you." Maybe it was the heat of the moment, the weight of their mistakes coming to light but Y/N let her head fall and Hyunjae froze when she laid her head on his shoulder. His hands were still cold, but the rest of him was warm as ever. He finally relaxed, letting his head rest against hers. "I know nothing happened between you and her," she muttered, referring to last week when she walked in on him pressed up against another girl. She felt Hyunjae inhale sharply, but he remained silent. "You made that mistake once and I know you well enough to know you wouldn't have done that again. But, Hyunjae you realize that's the reason I dont think I could continue with this relationship?" She peered up at him and found him already staring down at her. She looked away. "I didnt ask for much in this relationship, you know? I didnt even ask for love; at least not initially. All I asked for was honesty and loyalty. And you broke both, the first time. After I gave you everything, you broke your promises. And even though I shouldnt have, I took you back becuase I love you Hyunjae. I love you so goddamn much. And even though I know nothing happened between you and her last week, I assumed the worst becuase it's happened before. And I don't want to spend the rest of our lives wondering if you're cheating on me everything you're home late or you lie. It's not fair to me or you Hyunjae. That one week where I didnt talk you was hell. I assumed the worst of you and I dont wanna do that." She abruptly pulled away from him, grabbing his shirt, her eyes boring in his. "Do you understand that? I dont want to assume the worst of you Hyunjae. Ever." Hyunjae frowned, but it wasnt a sad frown. It was one of those smiley frowns.
"Even after everything, still thinking about what's best for me?" He asked softly, but it sounds more rhetorical. Y/N chuckled, smiling.
"I cant help it. Force of habit." Hyunjae snorted and the silence that was there before returned. But 10 minutes in, Y/N knew Hyunjae had fallen asleep. His breathing was even, albeit shallow and his body remained still. Not finding it in her to wake up him, she pulled him closer, snuggling in and before she realized, her eyes started to close and sleep washed over her.
"Y/N," a voice called out. She felt her body shake and when she opened her eyes, she found Hyunjae softly shaking her shoulder. "We fell asleep," he stated as a matter of fact. Y/N looked around to see soft rays of sunlight peaking through the grey clouds.
"What time is it?" She asked, her voice raspy.
"6:13 am," he answered, holding out his hand and helping her up.
"Crap," she murmured.
"Work?" He asked, tilting his head to the side. She hummed in response, raking her fingers through her dry hair. "Come on," he said gesturing towards the door. "I'll walk you out." The two of them headed downstairs and were immediately bombarded by the smell of coffee. They found Eric in the kitchen, brewing a fresh pot. He smiled at her, but the smile slipped when he met the gaze of Hyunjae His expression almost looked angry.
"You good?" He asked Hyunjae, his tone sharp. Hyunjae looked over at Y/N before returning his gaze to his friend.
"Yeah," he responded. "I am now." Eric's gaze shifted over to Y/N and his smile returned.
"Any chance you could stay for coffee? I know you have work soon, but one cup? To wake you up for the drive home?" Y/N did think about it. She really could use the cup but she knew if she stayed, she'd definitely be late for work.
"I really wish I could Eric, believe me. But I cant. Not today at least. Maybe another time?" Eric smiled, nodding. Y/N walked out the front door and towards her car, Hyunjae trailing closely behind.b
"Y/N?" He called out, causing her to turn her head. "Thank you. I'm the last person that deserves it, but thank you." Y/N heart nearly skipped a beat. Something about the tone of his voice shook her to her core. Hesitantly, she brought her hand up and cupped his right cheek. Hyunjae froze for a split second before he leaned into her touch, his own hand coming up to cover hers.
"I love you Hyunjae," she murmured. "I dont think I'll ever stop. I just -- I cant trust you anymore." Y/N tore her hand away from her, her breathing increased.
"I know," he replied. "And I am going to do everything in my power to rebuild that trust. Even if it takes a lifetime. I promise."
- ͙۪۪̥˚┊❛ THANK U FOR BEING PART OF MY YEAR ❜┊˚ ͙۪۪̥◌
Dayns 💕💕💕
My beautiful precious daynnsssss
You're gonna make me cryyyyy....I notice you have a habit of doing that. Saying exactly what I need to hear. You have done so much for me, maybe more than I can ever fathom. Talking to you has been one of the highlights of my year and I really hope that I'll get to tall to you for many more years. I really do hope I can meet you one day, that would be such a blessing.
I know this year has been a bit stressful considering all the decisions that you had to make, but dayns believe me when I say next year is gonna so amazing you're not going have time to catch your breath...you deserve everything you want in life ams I have doubt that good things will come your way...
Happy holidays Dayns! And to a new and prosperous year 💕💕
Gwen you make me cry BUCKETS AND BUCKETS, if I could hug you right now I SWEAR TO FUCK I would if you wanted to of course ‼️‼️‼️ also this is so late cause I’m so so so BAD AT KEEPING ONLINE I am very sorry, but you deserve the best so so so much
And, YOU!!! YES YOU!!! YOU DESERVE THE BESTEST: @queertoddanderson @wellredacademic @palinoic-poet @pollosky-in-blue @sheslostcontrolmp3 @lacexleaves @vincentvangay @nonpolar-bear
You three (including @rae-blogging) are always there for me and I’m so grateful and happy for having you as my friends, love you lots, you really deserve the whole world!! 💗💗💗
Maorrrrr stawpppp, I dont deserve youuuu. Talking to you has been such a pleasure and you deserve the absolute world
Tagging: @wooyoung-a @moonieric @junjungsunwoo @hvae @toretzka @deputyjuyeon talking to you lot have made these last couple of months so fun and special and I hope you guys know you are amazing and wonderful and deserve the absolute best in life. Happy Holidayss💕💕
