the young modern man

reflections of a boy's journey to find meaning and become a man

[yourmodernman-blog]

just another number

We live in a time where the influence of social media is undeniable. These portable super computer devices called phones are owned practically by everyone. The instantaneous dopamine it provides us for doing absolutely nothing is addicting and has us sucked in even when there’s a physical person right across from them. This epidemic is quite the sad sight as I observe it more and more in the world around me. Technology has rapidly changed over time making our lives more convenient and efficient, but not without consequential drawbacks from this same technology.

One of my favorite comedians and writer of the show “Master of None,” Aziz Ansari went on hiatus from the internet. He expressed in an interview with GQ that the obsession of “seeing a new thing” had become an addition:

Whenever you check for a new post on Instagram or whenever you go on The New York Times to see if there's a new thing, it's not even about the content. It's just about seeing a new thing. You get addicted to that feeling. You're not going to be able to control yourself. So the only way to fight that is to take yourself out of the equation and remove all these things. What happens is, eventually you forget about it. You don't care anymore. 

Aziz notes that it was terrifying at first but after some time, the feeling that most of the things you look up is not stuff you need to know surfaces.

When I fried my phone trying to replace the battery myself, I was phoneless for a week. This was right before a big banquet, multiple group project deadlines coming up, and a $225 exam. The first few days without a phone were rough but adjusting to it, I became more satisfied than when I did have a phone. Without my phone and endless group message notifications, I was able to stay focus for longer periods of time studying for my exam which I didn’t feel prepared to take. That experience helped me see that: 1) it is possible to live without a smart phone, 2) I’m much happier without all the unimportant things blowing up my phone, and 3) it is best to check your phone only when you have the time.

[yourmodernman-blog]

Too soon to tell

After some confusing email exchanges and a bit of laziness on my part, I missed half of my first day at work. Although I take some responsibility I don’t sweat it too much because it was an honest mistake. This made feel like I was on rough footing quite quickly.

Last night I told myself, “alright you’re going to get to work on time so sleep earlier.” Of course, I tell myself I’m going to facetime Queenie for only 15 minutes but that ends up being an hour long conversation. I finally hang up at midnight (you’re probably going like tf that’s late?). Something you need to know about me is that I need lots of sleep to function properly.

When I planned when my alarm would ring, I start with my anticipated arrival time to work. Then i factor in the hour commute to work in traffic and the estimated time for personal time (e.g. reading, practice questions). That left me with 6 hours of sleep, Much less than my maintenance amount.

Surprisingly I woke up and stayed up. It felt good to actually wake up much earlier than I needed for work. Get some reading done, problems solved, and a good workout within that time. During the months I was looking for a job, I listened to how successful people woke up at 4:30am to use that time to be productive. I wanted to emulate that. I remembered during my co-op at Lockheed when I ran into my friend Steven in the parking lot. *it’s close to lunch time* “Are you just getting in, Steve?” “Yeah, I like to workout and make music, you know do things I enjoy before I come into work.”

Within the last year, I’ve developed a desire to continually better myself; mentally and physically. Whether it be running, reading books, hitting the weights, etc. Discipline is also something I started developing during this time which I attribute my success in the P exam to. 

I want to live a successful life. I want to keep learning and growing. But I cannot do that if I give up on myself. Doing the bare minimum is giving up. Sure I got a job now but don’t hold your breath. It’s a sad life to be content especially at such a low point. That’s why I continue to learn. Why I continue to struggle and be uncomfortable. That’s the sacrifice for success. 

" Success is never owned; it is only rented – and the rent is due every day”

I find that paying my rent at the beginning on the day when no one is awake and there are no distractions is the best time for my productivity. There’s a lot of stuff I want to do and they all require time. 

I’m not sure how things will pan out. Is today just a fluke? Idk, it’s too soon to tell and definitely too soon to start congratulating myself. 

I do this quite often in the past. I get overly excited that I started a habit I try to develop *cough* meditation *cough*. Then it starts fading away. 

This also happens when I post on snapchat that I went on a run. Then I notice the next week I’m nowhere to be found running. 

This post is mostly just to keep myself accountable and help me remember why I want to develop these habits. 

“Confidence comes from successful repetition.” 

[yourmodernman-blog]

Confidence, Perseverance, and Luck

A lot has happened between now and my last post that I can blog about but I want to follow up on it.

Over the weekend I signed some documents. They were your typical HR on-boarding documents. Some I’ve seen before like W4 and I-9 (Thanks Drexel Co-op). Some new but not frightening. I’m happy to say your boy.. erhm man got himself a job! Woohoo! (finally?)

After more and more months passed by without me finding employment, it was discouraging for sure. I said in my previous post that framing is important but shit, these student loans about to go into repayment. A part time job going back to customer service was on my mind. I couldn’t keep bumming around at home while my parents were making a living to support themselves but also this leech.

Application after application. Time slowly fading. This hurt my confidence for sure. Confidence isn’t something that I can conjure on a whim. Confidence is when I’m wearing my perfectly tailored suit. Confidence is when I’ve ran 5K or squatted heavy. When I see or do something that assures me I am capable, that provides me confidence. You need confidence in everything you do, especially during an interview. I had to reevaluate why I was feeling less confident in myself and was I being reasonable? Fuck no. Like I said, my confidence relies on my abilities and I know my strengths and worth. I was letting others affect my morale. I remembered why I thought I deserved the salary range I was looking for. 

I kept getting those emails saying “Thanks for applying. We don’t think you’re good enough but good luck!” Those hurt of course but you start to develop a thicker skin and not take it personal. Then the interviews start coming in slowly. I take every single one because even if I don’t want the job, you never know. You might learn something about the job that you like, you learn something from the people you interview with, or at the very least you get to practice your interview skills. 

I want you to know that I am LUCKY. Finding a job takes some luck. You got to be in the right place at the right time to apply for the position that might have just opened up. 

However at the same time, it’s also because of my confidence and perseverance. I didn’t stop trying or else I wouldn’t have been able to put myself in the position to get this opportunity in the first place.

I credit others for my success often because they usually help me get to where I’m trying to go. Like my parents who support me financially, or my friends and acquaintances who provide me knowledge. But I always forget to give credit to the person who deserves it the most. MYSELF. Yes, I am grateful for the help that other have provided me but if it wasn’t for my own actions, I wouldn’t have been in the situation that allowed me to succeed. 

So congratulations to MYSELF. I sound like a humble bragging douche bag but I deserve it. 

If I stop trying from here on out then I am a douche bag. But I don’t intend to. I learned a lot from my months of struggling and learning about myself and the world around me. 

"Success is never owned; it is only rented – and the rent is due every day.” I plan on keeping myself accountable to continually grow and get smarter, better, faster. Remember to be confident in yourself and know your worth. If you aren’t worth anything then make yourself worth more. Then you can start replying on luck to find the right opportunity. But until then, keep grinding!

P.S. I feel blessed to have parents that have supported me up until now financially. Everyone has a different situation and this is just my own. The resources I have access to allowed me these opportunities but again, I could have all the resources in the world but if I didn’t use them properly then I still wouldn’t get anything out of them. 

[yourmodernman-blog]

Framing

Yesterday, I finally heard back from Boston and they told me they were moving forward with more qualified candidates. It was a little heartbreaking because for the past two weeks I imagined myself living in that city with all its beautiful trees, scenic streets, and protected bike lanes. Although I felt confident about the offer, I refused to let myself become complacent and prepared myself for the worst which is why I think allowed me to recover so quickly from such seemingly devastating news.

A friend of mine hit me up last week to drop acid last Thursday. While psychedelics are my favorite drugs, I had been on and off about taking it. My mindset constantly kept shifting; it was unstable it seemed. The concern that my fears and worries would onset a bad trip was very real. But there was something about that Thursday that gave me clarity.

The number of months... The number of months since I graduated. From this day, it’s only been 4 months. To some that might be a long time but to me that isn’t. I changed the way I framed my situation. Instead of “it’s been 4 months since I graduated and haven’t found a job yet,” I think “I haven’t found a job yet but it’s only been 4 months since I graduated.” Those sentences contain the same information however each conveys a different tone; positive and negative.

For a while I was comparing myself to others who already found jobs and started working. I was happy for my friends but I felt like I needed to catch up. It’s kind of like running next to someone on the treadmill; you see them running hella fast so you try to bump up your machine to “catch up”. In the end, you tire yourself out and don’t even get a good run in. If you think about it, life is a treadmill. We’re all chasing after our goals, dreams, and ambitions. Some faster than others because we’re all different but as long we don’t stop and keep moving, we get closer with each step.