+Y(OUR)PHO-NE## @yourphonenumber - Tumblr Blog

this traffic is really killing my donut high.

wowwie

wowwie: there's literally a child running around alone out here.

the crazy salesman: take him to teach the parents a lesson.

#wowwie #the crazy salesman #is an idiot

the other day I passed a guy on the street and I thought, "That guy smells really good." so what, does he just wake up and put that on himself? yesterday I woke up and had to resist eating a peanut butter chocolate bar.

#wowwie #is alright

wowwie: I feel like I need to do something adventurous.

katherine geee: you should do, like, a hot wing challenge.

#wowwie #katherine geee #is an idiot

she told me to keep it between me, her, and God, so I called you.

wowwie

#wowwie #is a theologian

you know how you check if they're into butt stuff: you put your finger there, and see if they stop you. so try that next time you wrestle.

katherine geee

#katherine gee #is not sorry

I don't like to use stereotypes, but, like, she's who I would be if I were a lesbian.

wowwie

#wowwie #is not sorry

the crazy salesman: I can't believe mom didn't tell you that.

wowwie: no one tells me anything. someone could lose a foot, and I wouldn't find out until six months later. and it would be like, 'How come you only have one shoe?', 'Why are there all these single shoes on the mat?'

#the crazy salesman #wowwie #is a fool

is tomorrow therapy day?

wowwie

#wowwie #is alright

wowwie: so I was camping just off of this farm, essentially, and it had a lot of cows on it.

the crazy salesman: ...

wowwie: that's it. that is a true story, and that's all I got for you.

#wowwie #is an artist #the crazy salesman

I'm trying to find out which iPad angle is good for my chin. But it's not helping, because neither one is good for my hair."

wowwie

#wowwie #is not sorry

things would be so much easier if we were dumb.