The TokenTony Letterkenny Character Ranking
The Ranker ranking was ungodly. How dare they. They were wrong in so many ways that can’t even be counted. So it’s my turn. Time to fix it.
The first step is to recognize the difference between “recurring characters” and “oneoffs”. Some oneoffs may appear in future or more than one gags (Garrett/Jarrett wasn’t even mentioned) but they were listed, so I have to relist.
One Offish Characters
9. The TSN Sports Anchors - Not bad people, I’m sure, but these situations they appeared in were literally based on Tanis’s speeches (the females) and the joke set up by Jean Jacques Francois Jacque Jean. So they are the bottom spot.
8. Native Hockey Coach - Again, not a bad dude, but only a yang to Tanis’s Yan.
7. The Matchmaker - Why was she listed? The only reason she even got a nod higher here is that she gave me (and viewers I’m sure) a chance to really see some fun in characters (I’ll never look at baseball the same again)
6 Sled Ted/Jivin’ Pete I get it. They helped establish the show. But not great characters at all.
5. Big City Slams: They were good people too (sorry, I’m a boy) and helped Stuart become more than just a nobody, and that good lovin’ became a part of my daily speech for a while. But they are just a gag on “we’re hot.”
4. Dyck Sisters: God in Heaven, they ranked too many characters. But dick jokes are funny and their parents appeared more than once.
3. Wally: Started the Native trend. Gets points for that.
2. Hard Right Jay: This was a fun episode, and I really like this guy (the actor). He was a sad representation of what the US really is, and a good character in the show.
1. RatAss: The king of the one off characters. “Let’s get to it, Knock off Wolverine” makes me laugh every time and I think it’s a real life point.
Actual Characters
46. The Models - I love a pun gag more than most (I’m a dad), but I didn’t like the idea that “Katie Fucks” was being thrown in Wayne’s face. The idea was always a “yeah, it’s happening, but we won’t talk about it”.
45. Tania’s Crew - Again, like some of the one offs, Tanis’s opposites weren’t the greatest depth, but good still...but not alone.
44. Brodude Twins - Not a fan. But hey, I’m a guy.
43. Angie - Here’s why Angie is so low...she was unused. I feel she could have been central as a “not Wayne” character, but she pops in and out randomly. And she messed up the senior whaleshit hockey team.
42. The Newfoundland Hockey Players: I laughed. You laughed. It was a blast to see the chirping go the other way. But not the deepest gag of the show and definitely not worth Ranker’s situation.
41. The Brodude leader: Honestly, isn’t she quite the chauvinistic human? Other than that, you can almost predict her lines. And I don’t like that.
40. Quebeck Hicks: I loved the idea. I smiled. I said “Look at French Squirrely Dan!” But otherwise, not much contribution.
39. Jean Jacque Francois Jacque Jean: He only got his own separate because I see him in the finale of season 9. And I hate his name is so stereotypical, but I dig.
38. Alexander: The TERLETS! Hahah But yeah, just a start.
37. Devon: The leader of the Skids when Stuart was “away”...still didn’t do much for me. But I don’t think the Skids are great characters anyway.
36. Bradley: OK, probably should have been in the oneoff category, but man...that was a great episode. I’ll race Squirrely right now! Tito get me a tissue!
35. Gae: Man, a whole season to try to grow the skids and still didn’t do it for me. But the “why do you rebel” was a part of my life for a few drunken nights.
34. Ellen: Dude, I wish she was on screen more. A lot of Squirrely Dan’s growth was wrapped in her and yet, she was in like 2 episodes. Sigh.
33. Anik: The reason Scottie got such a high vote, but she dropped because well, chauvanism.
32. Cousin Jake: It was nice to have an American in the show. For real. And he made an impact. But so many other characters!
31. Dax: I had to separate them only because of Katie’s reaction during the matchmaking episode. But yeah, they are both down here.
30. Ron: See above, only without that reaction.
29. Girl Hockey players: I loved it. It’s fun to make fun of girls for being promiscuous. But we’re getting into really influential territory and they don’t have the “we were there to start” points.
28. Senior Whaleshit Hockey Players: See above. I love my Senior Whaleshit Hockey Players like I love my ex-wife: 28th on the list.
27. Scottie Wallis: I still say YEW when I see cute girls. If he had been in more than 2 episodes.
26. The Ginger: I mean, the first accused of ostrich-fucking became Squirrely Dan’s catch phrase. I have a shirt that says “allegedly” and I say it also frequently.
25. Boots: I mean, you’d need at least 2 people to smash an ostrich.
24. Noah Dyck: I had to separate them. He was good, but wasn’t as good as his other half.
23. Dierks: Man. Have I ever wanted to fight someone more. Katie believed in him and he was the American infiltration to this smalltown. Sigh. We all learn...
22. Anita Dyck: She gets a higher ranking because she was “human”. She had no time for Daryl’s crap and was still doing her best to stay trure.
21. Rosie: Look, she’s doing good for Wayne. And I like some color in my white TV. But they are forcing good lines to her, and she doesn’t really deserve them.
20. Roald: I don’t like how much we make fun of him as a sub. But he’s there. And has been. He’s winning only on longevity.
19. Gayle: Lots of fighting on this one. I love Gayle’s character. Horny. Small Business owner. Basically me in all my dreams. Again, we’re getting tough here.
18. Mrs. McMurray: I think of her more when I think of “ugh...the lifestyle” than I do her husband. But she seems to be phasing out of the show, and that’s sad. Cause she could get it.
17. McMurray: Dude, his speech on what average penis length is should have absolutely given him top billing, but they have again started phasing him out. Sigh.
16. Stewart: The leader of the skids does deserve top billing. They aren’t my favorite characters though, and I’m not the biggest fan.
15. Marie Fred: I was more sad for this betrayal than a lot of TV betrayals I’m used to. And that’s new for me. But they gave her Rosie type lines while she was dating him and gave her an out. That’s good stuff.
14. Tyson: Tyson is good people. But his intro to the show is what separates and lowers him from his compadre.
13. Glen: My favorite uncomfirmed gay in the show. Longevity (cause well, he’s a writer) and always present in good story connecting arcs (again, the dating episode for Wayne really put him on for me)
12. Jimmie Dickens: My second round of watching all the seasons made me love Jimmie Dickens more than others. I said “400% bullshit round here” at work once, and everyone agreed.
11. Joint Boy: Joint Boy’s initial monologue before fighting Wayne separates him from Tyson, also the way he kicked a guy in the nuts before steaks.
10. Tanis: We are getting in the weeds now. I love Tanis. 10/10 would recommend. The crap she gives Wayne for simply crossing his legs is both legendary and amazing. BUTTTT...she’s also quite...unrefined. Both as a character and as a person. She shouldn’t be so...lost, right?
9. Coach: I freaking love Coach. “F***ing embarrassing” has become a part of my normal life. The barb episode and the beer league hockey were great additions to the show. I want my oreos.
8. BONNIE MCMURRAY. If you didn’t say it like that, you don’t understand.
7. Jonesy: Dude, he’s a real one. Created so many new terms in my vocab for no reason. The only reason he’s lower:
6.: Reilly: Doesn’t have a treasure trail. But a great spot.
5. Darry: I wish, for real, they didn’t beat him up so much. But Banana Boat is not a cologne, Dary!
4. Katy: I hope she’s not upset about literally being the “hot girl with problems”, but they do it good on this show.
3. Squirrley Dan: My dog. My truth. My spirit animal. He’s only not #1 because he has to correct and adjust the rest of the cast. DON’T MAKE ME SHOW YOU WHAT IT MEANS TO GET ROWDY! (Dan voice)
2. Wayne: Yeah, he’s great. No qualms here.
1. Shores. My Australian friends call me “Rossy”, in case you were wondering where the “y” comes from. But man Shoresy is hands down the best character in the show. I hope, and pray, they don’t ever make him “vulnerable”. Just let him be!
Thanks for reading!











