* ( CHERRY HILL.

they SMILE in my face; w h o l e time they want to ( t a k e )my place... i got FAKE people showing fake love.

[yovsefs-blog]

[ ◤·°— LEXI !! ]

  ‘ new york is amazing but it’s also just as crazy, i honestly don’t get how people LIVE there .. ’ she supposed the people there said the same thing about l.a. though. ‘anyway, i’m glad to be back home. did i miss anything crazy while i was away ? ’

| ◤° [ ‘ I DON’T KNOW. ’ work was hectic and he wasn’t sure how to juggle it between family time and having time to himself. ‘ i obviously just fell apart without you. can’t live without you. you’re not allowed to go without me again, lex. ’  

[yovsefs-blog]

[ ◤·°— DIXIE !! ]

“are you okay? i know of some great home remedies for sleep and stress if you would like them.” 

' HOME REMEDIES... WHY would i do that when shit like zquill exists? ’ 

[yovsefs-blog]

[ ◤·°— SAGE !! ]

“so, i was thinking you should do something totally new for a shoot.” sage commented with a shrug. “like let’s get adventurous, and daring. hollywood is getting too much of the same don’tcha think?”

| ◤° [ ‘ SAGE, I KNOW you’re into the whole ‘artsy’ kind of thing, but i really just want to get this over with. preferably with as little ADVENTURE in it as possible. it feels weird being naked in front of you.’  

[fcntys]

[yovsefs-blog]

[ ◤·°— A. !! ]

     " i want you to need me. “ she wanted to know that his affections for her rose as far as her own; that this wasn’t a mild case of temporary infatuation. the sleepless nights and text messages that failed to ever see the light of day, – they had all accumulated to the only truth that remained on the surface. she wanted, needed, and craved him. “ we’re all kinds of fucked up but i don’t want to imagine doing this with anyone else. “ lips curved down into a gentle sulk. “ yousef, just don’t leave again. “ she took her free hand, placing it against the curve of his neck, skin brushing up against even warmer skin. she was laying down her pride for a man she didn’t really know, but somewhere along the line, she had fallen in love with his details. “ please. “

| ◤° [ HIS LAUGH ISN’T genuine. thereou. that’s’s no joy in the hollow noise that forces it way past his lips. ‘ i do need you. that’s the problem. ’ didn’t she see that? or had he hidden his feelilngs better than he’d initially thought? ‘ i shouldn’t be here to begin with. we both know that. like, you were right from the start. we shouldn’t do all this, right? i did what you expected. i hurt you. got you all turned out and shit. ’ a deep sigh, pulled from somewhere deep in his chest, escapes him as the young male puts his forehead on hers. ‘ i can’t leave again though. i go crazy without you. ’

[yovsefs-blog]

[ ◤·°— SAGE !! ]

“why do you think i know that shit?” sage smirked, looking over at yousef. they were probably the least reliable person alive, and definitely would not know the day of the week. 

' BECAUSE YOU MIGHT be someone that... actually pays attention to shit. guess not. ’ 

[yovsefs-blog]

[ ◤·°— A. !! ]

     she was still wrapped in the safety of his embrace, staring up at him with the desperation and passion of a thousand fucking suns. her brows furrowed, leading her to execute a look that said she didn’t quite understand, – hadn’t she been doing that this entire time? wanting him back? of course, even if her methods of expression had been terribly flawed, she considered her intentions to be as clear as day. “ i want you, “ she was quick to give him the answer that she hoped he was looking for, hoping that it would put an end to the emptiness that came around whenever he wasn’t there. her fingers latched onto his; slender digits carefully filling in the spacious gaps. “ i need you. “ 

| ◤° [ HER WORDS DIDN’T ease him any, a sickness that weighed heavy and sat leadened in the pit of his stomach has his lips twisting into a grimace and his eyes closing tightly. ‘ i don’t want you to need me. ’ just want him. purely want him. his fingers squeezed at hers, tried to convey the words he couldn’t say. if she needed him, how could he know that she actually wanted him and it wasn’t some blinded attempt to keep what she needed; what if they blended into one and she couldn’t see the separation? there was no relationship now, but how could one be built if he wasn’t sure if she knew what she wanted, only what she NEEDED.

[yovsefs-blog]

[ ◤·°— DIXIE !! ]

“it’s saturday.” dixie glanced at yousef, a bit concerned but she knew how easy it was to lose track of days. “been a busy week has it?”

| ◤° [ ‘ FUCK. ’ HE FELT as if he’d forgotten something, missed something, but adriana hadn’t tld him of any upcoming events. not that he could remember at least. ‘ busy life now. i can’t even sleep. ’ 

[yovsefs-blog]

[ ◤·°— A. !! ]

     she could tell he was tired and far too engulfed in his own thoughts. perhaps her desire to constantly be around him was complicating things, driving him farther and farther down a place of no return. she didn’t know how else she could make it any more clear that it had been long since she had ever doubted her feelings for him, and that’s what they were, – rock solid feelings; ones that were intense down to their very core. “ would it make it easier for you? if… if i didn’t want you? “  she cared about him, and at this point, probably a bit more than she cared about herself so if she had to, she’d pretend. she was good at that. “ would it mean that we can talk again? that we’d go back to how we were? “ 

| ◤° [ ‘ NO. ’ AUTOMATIC, THOUGHTLESS, without hesitation, he knew that being away from her was harder than being near her. his mood shifted, his entire thought process honed in on her and what sh was doing, how she was feeling, if they were floating on the same plane of unnecessary despair and self-pity - but he’d rather suffer with her than be happy with anyone else. he’d told the whole of twitter and he’d meant every word. ‘ i just want you to want me back. but you don’t. ’

[yovsefs-blog]

[ ◤·°— A. !! ]

     she exhaled a breath of warm air, feeling her heart pound rapidly against her rib cage. it was as if he had single-handedly taken all of her doubts, uncertainties, and thrown them all out the window, – a sort of comfort achieved in a matter of seconds. she felt his frame being pressed against her own, nose deeply buried into the safety of his shoulder. aleia felt her eyes come to a definite close, arms quickly wrapping around his build, knowing fully well that if she let go, there was a chance that this would never come again. “ god, i missed you. “ she had to say it. she had to be honest. none of this had to go anywhere but she had brought herself to the realization that regret was one hell of a bitch. 

| ◤° [ SHE FIT INTO the hollow small spaces of his body easily, like they were carved for her body, but he still couldn’t push past the words she’d said two weeks prior. she didn’t want to get attached, yet she wanted him. where was he meant to go from there? his mother had always said love wasn’t easy, but was it possible to love someone you didn’t even know? or was he so desperate to have a GIRL want him, make him feel n o r m a l and block out any thoughts he had of men that he’d latch onto the first one that gave a connection? ‘ you don’t want me.’  he reminded, bitter and sullen, as his lips pressed to the crown of her head.

[yovsefs-blog]

[ ◤·°— TROLL !! ]

          ‘ friday. november 24, 2017. ’ adriana answered, holding out the starbucks cup to yousef. after the exhaustion that her family brought from thanksgiving, she was glad to be back at work. it was easier to do than deal with the chaos. ‘ you agreed to a club opening tonight but if you’re not up to it– i can cancel. ’

| ◤° [ ‘ FUCK. ’ HIS HANDS rose to rub over grim features. ‘ no. shit, i’ll go, i just  - shit when’s my next day off? ’ part of him now wished that he celebrated thanksgiving for the excuse of having thursday off, but yousef had no such luck. as everyone else had been enjoying food and family, he’d been working.

[timotaychalamet]

Une femme est une femme (1961) dir. Jean-Luc Godard

[yovsefs-blog]

[ ◤·°— A. !! ]

     she didn’t want to hear what he had to say, knowing fully well that he wasn’t going to pull her in for an embrace any time soon. arms instinctively curled around her sides while a soft smile settled on her features; one that indicated she was aware of their current circumstances. “ i know, i know. bad idea. i’m sorry. “ sadness pooled around in the smalls of her glossy optics, and she sincerely wished she was anywhere but here. 

| ◤° [ HE WAS BEGGING her, with his small verbal plea, with his eyes, with his body language. he couldn’t do this with her and that’s why he needed to keep walking. because this hadn’t worked the first time or the second time or the third and they hadn’t even gotten ANYWHERE with those half attempts, but still his body betrayed his mind, heart guiding him back and making his arms pull her tight as if he wouldn’t ever let go. she wasn’t his to hold, never had been and he knew she never would be, but gnarled selfishness and greed fuelled his motions, motivated his lovesick heart while his rational mind screamed in the distance to just let go.

[yovsefs-blog]

[ ◤·°— A. !! ]

     “ can i have a hug, “ she blurted out right when he was already a good distance past her. she figured it wasn’t asking for much but soon wondered if what was left of their friendship left any space for favors. she missed him which fueled her to act upon pure human instincts. after winning the award, he had been the one person that she wanted to share the good news with. she knew it was wrong but quite literally, no one was stopping her. 

| ◤° [ THE LAST THING that he’d expected was for her to ask for physical contact. a hug. she was asking him, seriously and without any hint of a joke, for a hug. more than anything, he wanted to say yes. his mind ran rampant with the thought of her in his arms, her warmth and her breath against him, but yousef stayed frozen in place. ‘ i - uhm. aleia... please. ’ 

[psxgfx-deactivated20180706]

I’m wasting my youth and beauty being a mysterious eccentric loner but I wouldn’t have it any other way

[yovsefs-blog]

[ ◤·°— A. !! ]

     " oh. yeah, “ she expected this, to be brushed off his shoulders. it wasn’t as if their last encounter had promised much of a reconciliation and from where they stood, things weren’t looking up. “ can i just, “ she began, catching her words before they were said on impulse. “ nevermind. have a good day, yeah? “ she took a step to the side, opening up an opportunity for him to move past her, and she hoped he did it without looking back. 

| ◤° [ ‘ CAN YOU WHAT? ’  the question came too fast, his interest piqued too much as he hoped for some way back in though he’d thrown out her last attempts. ‘ never mind. yeah. yeah, you too. ’ hands shoving in his pockets, yousef began to move past her, move on from her. he knew that it was better this way. easier for them both.

[yovsefs-blog]

[ ◤·°— A. !! ]

     his congratulatory words were bittersweet as they fell through his lips, reaching her in a painfully familiar fashion. they hadn’t spoken during the entirety of the awards show which would explain the constant anxious feeling that had then been nibbling away at her conscience. “ congratulations to you, too. you deserved it, “ her voice was soft, making her out to be frail which she most certainly was not. it had to be something about him. she thought she was over it but never had she been so wrong. 

| ◤° [ ‘ THANKS. ’ COMMENTS SHORT, eyes averted from her form. yousef had meant his words days before, didn’t want to win against her. going up to accept any award she’d been nominated for as well felt sour on his tongue, caused bile to rise in his throat because he didn’t want it. ‘ so, yeah. uh, i gotta get past you. ’