To Love Him
I watched him Snort it I watched him Tilt his head back As he let the drug slip into his body It rises To his head As it drips down his throat He lowers his face Letting go of everything Leaving no trace He rubs his eyes and fixes his hair All I can do is look at him and stare Wondering if he fucking cares More about me Or what he’s doing to his body He doesn’t love me He loves drugs All I want Is to be his drug of choice Instead I’m just another waisted soul With no voice He looks at me And with no hesitation He watched me Snort it He watched me Tilt my head back As I let the drug slip into my body It rises To my head Trying to numb the pain I start to feel alive But the feeling is soon dead Now I lay here in bed Next to the person I thought would love me the best Though it was said He loved me everyday He didn’t love me Not even for a second Am I the one to blame For not being good enough The problem wasn’t me But rather Him instead I love him With all I have It’s not much It’s also not enough This is how I live In constant fear And with every tear I break a little more Hurting more than ever I still come back No matter how sore I love him I’m under his will I want to be free I want to live for me I love him But god damn Is it even real Only time can tell And only I can feel The exhaustion put on me Slowly taking a tole on my body Throughout the morning I wake up and try to fight For the love I want But I see none in my sight I lay down at night Toss and turn Trying to find some sleep Maybe then I’ll be alright But for now I’m not okay I just hope to make it through one more day If I can’t Know I never lied to him The “I love you’s” Were never fake I never chose or planned To love him Was it a mistake Or was it destined And still to this day I always question Will he ever love me sober Does he even love me high Am I not enough When times get tough Or can I be the only drug He wants to love
mk
Oh. My. Fucking. God. I wish this was written a year or two ago. I’m crying.
