.𖥔 ݁ ˖ / 𝖠𝗇𝖽 𝖽𝗈𝗇'𝗍 𝗍𝖺𝗄𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗅, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎're 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗌𝗍.
| ⌗ |: 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗓𝖾𝖽 𝗁𝗈𝗆𝗈𝗉𝗁𝗈𝖻𝗂𝖺, 𝗌𝗂𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉, 𝗍𝗈𝗑𝗂𝖼, 𝗐𝗅𝗐,𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗌𝗍, 𝗇𝗈 𝗅𝖺𝖻𝖾𝗅𝗌, 𝖿𝖺𝗋𝖺𝗁 𝗄𝖺𝗋𝗂𝗆 𝗑 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋,
{𝗇𝗈𝗍𝖾𝗌:𝗅𝗂𝗍𝗍𝗅𝖾 𝗌𝗆𝗎𝗍. 𝖻𝗂𝗍 𝗅𝗈𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗋 𝗌𝗍𝗈𝗋𝗒}
⊱ ۫ ׅ ✧ | 3:39. It had only been ten minutes since you fell asleep and you could already hear the rustling of clothes being put back on, your eyes slowly adjusted to the blue hue in your room that was always there when you knew she was about to leave, you didn’t get up just listened to her tie her combat boots and stare at the nightstand by your bed. You hated when she left. Especially leaving without telling you. You were angry. But you’d argue about it later with her.
: | You lay in your bed after hearing the door slam and close. Your mind replays the argument you and Farah had two hours before this. She was so loud..livid. Her fists got red from how hard she squeezed them and the way you could tell she was biting her tongue as a way to stop the adrenaline she felt leaping into her stomach and hands. You felt the warm streak of water fall from your eyes and end at your mouth, the salty taste of your tears. You went back to sleep in a fetus position.
God, you just wanted her to be good to you.
You woke up again, this time the sun beamed in your face and the room felt warm as the shades made an imprint on the wall, you got up and took a shower. The steam filled the room and the water was calming, after you sat in just your towel scrolling through your phone, it was a message from Farah, you were always a little happy to get a text from her but that quickly vanished as you saw what she sent.
“Last night, l had to leave because.”
“Well, actually it’s none of your business so l won’t say.”
“But can you make sure you buy me a pack of cigarettes?”
You felt a little empty in some way after saying yes when she clearly didn’t prioritize you. You plopped down on your bed as you decided what you were going to wear before putting on a grey long sleeve shirt with black stripes which was off shoulder on both sides and mid-low rise flared jeans with a small black shoulder bag and grabbed your coat, starting the car. You cruised around the small grocery store and picking up pasta noodles and some new recipes you saw, as you were shopping you ran into Farah. She was talking to three women, seems like they were all enjoying their conversation.
You decide to walk up to them just to say hi to Farah and maybe get introduced to her friends. Farah sighed and put her hands in her pocket.
“Hey baby! What are you shopping for?” You always had that warm smile that somehow she managed to destroy, you noticed the three women started whispering to each other in Arabic.
“limadha nadatuk hibibi?” - “why did she call you baby?”
“hal tumaris maeaha 'ayu 'anshitatin?” - Are you doing things with her?
“'ala taeish min 'ajl allah alan? la tastaslim lil'iighra'i, Farah?”- “aren’t you living for god now Farah ? Don’t be tempted.” You didn’t understand but you could guess it wasn’t good since Farah had this guilty- angry expression.
Farah sighed annoyingly, “akhrasi! lan 'afeal 'aya shay' mae hadhih almar'at altaafiha” - “shut up! I’m not doing anything with this nonsense of a woman.”
farah looks at you coldly. “And don’t call me baby, stop embarrassing me.” She muttered that last part before leaving the three women you alone.” You bit your lip as you felt your throat starting to hurt and quickly checked out your things.
You were laying in bed when your room door opened, you jumped. It was Farah. She took her coat off before climbing across the bed towards you and grabbing your face to make out with you, sitting herself on your lap where clothes were discarded quickly. Your soft breathy moans as she rode you and you put your head against her chest. She lifted your head up from her boobs and looked down at your messy hair and needy face before putting two fingers in your mouth for you to suck on.
゛ ⸝⸝.ᐟ⋆ | after, you lay in the bed with her while she sits against the headboard, smoking the cigarettes you got for her, she knows you hate the smell but that never stopped her.
“Can you stop? Aren’t we having an intimate moment right now?”
She scoffs. “Intimate moment my ass. Don’t try and be all lovely like your my wife. This is strictly sex, l told you that, didn’t l?”
You swallow, your heart swelled with sorrow. Yes she told you that before but you couldn’t help falling for people who gave you an inch. You somehow thought Farah was sweet in a way after everything. The both of you knew you were pathetic but that never stopped you.
“I’m sorry..” she scoffs again. “She that’s your problem! You always do whatever people say! Always blindly following. You never think for yourself.” She slightly shouts.
“I don’t understand how l could be blindly following someone when you let a God dictate your life and you don’t even know if they actually exist..” you muttered it to yourself but not low enough she couldn’t hear. What you said registered in her mind fast and made her blood boil.
She sat up. “Fuck you.” She puts her clothes on. “You know nothing! What l go through, how l struggle with it! How l feel like someone is always watching my every move and when l lay down with you..and your body is on top of mines..or lm between your legs…” she trails off, her voice shaky.
“I hate that l like it so much. That you’re better than any god. Any man. “ Her teeth clenched when she said it, her eyebrows pinching together.
“I hate that l can’t love how l want too. That l have to hide or think about how my dead family might feel about me having romantic relationships with a woman as a Muslim woman. So don’t fucking say that like you understand anything, you pathetic fucking bitch.”
The door slammed again like last time. And you couldn’t do anything as you felt the anger and finally it exploded on itself in your body.
You cried so hard, your throat hurted, you couldn’t catch your breath and you felt all the pain in the world for some reason you could explain. Maybe you should’ve just kept it as a shower. You balled up your knees to your chest. “I’m sorry…” your breathless voice even though nobody was there.
⋆✴︎˚。⋆ | Farah hadn’t talk to you in a good minute. Minute as in two weeks. You felt crazy, desperate driving yourself up the wall knowing you were the cause of everything. You were so desperate without her. You left your house and drove over to hers, you have never been to her place but you needed to fix things. This especially. You knocked on the door once. Then twice. The third time not stopping, you wouldn’t stop until she answered. Your mind raced with every bad possibility.
“What!” She shouts at you then she takes two small steps away like a scared doe hiding from a wolf. She swallows. “What are you doing here..?” Her voice is shaky. Her pupils dilated and taking in your face like she’s in hurry. Almost like you just…triggered her. Maybe you did. The thought of her being scared of you scared you.
You grab her hands. She snatched them back. “Don’t touch me.” Your heart ached at her tone. “ l just want to help..let me help. Please sweetie..”
That word, your voice so softly, like that had been the relief she was looking for. Like a soft song sung by a baby’s mother trying to get them to stop crying, she just couldn’t do it anymore. Not by herself. She burst out crying, her breath getting cut off every second. It was a rare sight. You grabbed her, giving a soft hug, her muffled cries in your shirt as you walked into her house and saw the lack of furniture.
Just a couch and tv with a small table and a okay painting job. No wonder she liked your house more. You sat her down on the couch.
“Shh..sh..it’s okay baby. I’m so sorry for what l said. I’ll never hurt you like that again..l know it’s a serious thing for you.” You kissed her fists. She lifted her head up from your chest.
“No..no it’s not your fault. I can’t just expect you to know that lm not on good terms with my sexuality..that lm ashamed to love you..a woman.” That broke your heart. You brought her head to your chest. “Well…if it helps..l leave..forever. Then you can..get a husband and act like you love h—“
“No! Don’t give me that bullshit. I guess I’ll just have to burn because you’re what l want. You’re what l want to marry, you’re what l want to have kids with.” You kissed her forehead.
“I’ll be better okay?” She kissed you.
You ran her a bath and cleaned up her house. She never had anyone wash her hair or take care of like that. After, you both laid in bed. This time not being so rough but more gentle and slow. It actually felt better, and not like a one night stand.
You both were tired and face to face.
“I love you so much..even if l treat you like shit.” She put her hand on your cheek before pulling you close and falling asleep. This time she didn’t leave and stayed the hole night.
𓎢𓎠𓎟𓎠𓎡𓎢𓎠𓎟𓎠𓎡𓎢𓎠𓎟𓎠𓎡𓎢𓎠𓎟𓎠𓎡𓎢𓎠𓎟𓎠𓎡