I want to be a hero!

My name is Zack Fair, SOLDIER 1st Class, and I'm gonna be the next Hokage!

[gorps]

[renotheturkeydeactivated]

@zacharyfair foomf…

[zacharyfair]

foomf is a professionally trained and highly specialized cop killer! shinra wont know what hit them!

[imacetra]

ffvii remake but every character is voiced by Toad

[bigdaddyengineous]

*coughs*

*clears throat*

CAN’T YOU HEAR THE PLANET’S SCREAMS, M A R I O???????

[zacharyfair]

the only reason i didnt win gaia’s next top thot is because i was learning mechanics to woo my boyfriend and because i was taking care of foomf

[spunkypinkslumlord]

and also because you fucking BLEW UP THE STAGE DURING THE HALLOWEEN EPISODE

[renotheturkeydeactivated]

It was bound to happen, you really should’ve prepared better

[spunkypinkslumlord]

hey, we prepared for practically every zack disaster we could think of. the last thing we expected was for him to think a stick of dynamite was a candle.

there’s being a himbo and then there’s having brainrot so intense it shut downs everything but your motor functions

[zacharyfair]

hey listen maybe you all shouldnt leave sticks of dynamite lying around because you know that i dont know what happens when i get excited

[zacharyfair]

the only reason i didnt win gaia’s next top thot is because i was learning mechanics to woo my boyfriend and because i was taking care of foomf

[renotheturkeydeactivated]

Drink cactaur juice, it'll quench ya

[zacharyfair]

ITS THE QUENCHIEST

[zacharyfair]

not to poke the bear or anything but did that document actually get signed…?

[spunkypinkslumlord]

we thought it did, but then we checked the signature rufus gave us on the forms and saw that he just wrote “skidaddle skedoodle”

[zacharyfair]

oh thank gaia

[zacharyfair]

not to poke the bear or anything but did that document actually get signed...?

[stuffingagainsttheworld]

[holds zack fair] this SOLDIER can fit so much energy in him

[spunkypinkslumlord]

hmmmmmm

today i think i will torment zachary

[zacharyfair]

please aerith im begging you

have mercy on me

[spunkypinkslumlord]

name a movie you actively do not want to see in theaters

[zacharyfair]

transformers. any of them

[spunkypinkslumlord]

hmmmmmm

today i think i will torment zachary

[zacharyfair]

please aerith im begging you

have mercy on me

[zacharyfair]

ive got the zoomies

whoever wants to face off in a squat fight meet me by the goblin bar dumpster right now

[spunkypinkslumlord]

what, is your boyfriend too busy to squat with you??

[zacharyfair]

hes napping and i dont want to wake him up

[zacharyfair]

ive got the zoomies

whoever wants to face off in a squat fight meet me by the goblin bar dumpster right now

[zacharyfair]

okay google! how do i apologize to my boss for getting so distracted with my new video game that i forgot about work without telling him it was a video game that made me forget about work

[spunkypinkslumlord]

eat his paperwork and blame it on the turks.

[renotheturkeydeactivated]

:(

[spunkypinkslumlord]

okay just blame it on tseng

[zacharyfair]

aerith youre a genius!

[spunkypinkslumlord]

i just realized that I haven't said shit about all the GNTT that's been going on so here's an update

we've had ten rounds so far, and we have three more to go. the final contestants are zack, reno, and that one SOLDIER that i don't care about. i think his name was roach??

anyway, next three themes are nondescript winter holiday thot, new year's thot, and valentine's day thot.

please deliver any bribes to my church in sector 5.

[zacharyfair]

okay google! how do i apologize to my boss for getting so distracted with my new video game that i forgot about work without telling him it was a video game that made me forget about work

[renotheturkeydeactivated]

Hi I'm sorry can I jus- *takes mic*

🎶Fly me to the moooooon🎶

[zacharyfair]

@stuffingagainsttheworld can you bring me a change of clothes?